Twilight sighed again. “It all started,” she said, her voice a little lower than usual, “when Pinkie and Fluttershy went to the casino. They were the first ones. Their way in was…”

The guard frowned. His sunglasses hid his eyes, and he was thankful for that, but still, he felt as his soul was being dissected by the mare in front of him. He was slightly aware there was another pony hanging around there, but that didn’t matter. His attention was directed at the bouncy one. The one with the puffy mane, dressed in a frilly pink dress. She had said her name was Sugar Bits. He knew she was lying.

Cold sweat dripped down the guard’s neck as he tried his best not to gulp or shudder.

And at that very moment, as he looked into the eyes of the bouncy pony, she of the puffy mane, he knew he couldn’t let her in. He was a worker there, after all, and some very particular images had jumped into his mind the moment he had laid eyes on that mare.

Explosions. Ponies screaming. Chaos. The end of an empire. That mare couldn’t get in, no matter what she said or did. But at the same time, he knew she was powerful.

Oh, yes. She was powerful. Possibly the most powerful pony he had ever met, and for all the wrong reasons. He saw that she could change the fate of those who got in her way, that she could ignore fear and laugh in the face of danger, that she could save the world or destroy it.

Was she a psychopath? Was she a genius? What was she? He couldn’t know. He could only do one thing, no matter how afraid he was.

“…You’re not getting in,” he finally said, his voice a mere whisper in the wind, a terrified scream of help. “You, ah.” He licked his lips. “You are not… elegant enough.”

“Welp! I knew this would happen,” the mare said, never losing her smile. “Howeeeever…” She turned around and revealed a hidden bag under her dress, from where she snatched a little bottle full with a green liquid. “Top hat potion!” she said, showing it to him.

The guard fell down to his knees, wheezing. He’d felt something like a blow to his chest. He couldn’t stop her and, worst of all, he didn’t want to. His eyes were fixed on the top hat—its magnificent shape, the wonderful way it reflected the moonlight, the elegance of its ribbon, its ability to go well with anything the mare was wearing…

It was… “It is perfect,” he said, almost subconsciously. She had defeated him. “It’s… it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

When he finally got up, the mare had disappeared, but the guard didn’t care. He knew what to do now. Life made sense for him. He had discovered the meaning of life. This was the moment that, many years later, would be marked as the instant the guard left his old self behind. He walked away from the casino, never looking back. His new life had just started.

Spike frowned and lowered the binoculars. “Ooookay. That had to be the most intense thing I’ve seen in weeks,” he muttered.

“Hmm?” By his side, Twilight was writing something on a scroll. They were sitting on a bench at the other side of the street. “Are they in, or…?”

“Oh? Yeah.” Spike looked at the door again. “Pinkie and Fluttershy got in with no trouble. But I think the guard went through some kind of—”

“Either that, or he got extremely constipated all of a sudden.” Spike scratched his head. “He really looked like he had some heavy business ahead, if you know what I mean.”

“Pinkie’s prone to doing that kind of thing, yes.” Twilight looked up from the scroll and smiled.

“Pinkie is prone to doing a lot of things, let’s be honest,” Twilight said.

“Um. Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked once they got in the casino, the sound of a thousand nobleponies feeling guilty about gambling covering her soft voice. “How… How did you do that?”

“Do what?” Pinkie said, smiling at her. The top hat also looked like it was smiling, which was weird, seeing how it had no face. “Summon the top hat? I brewed that potion with Twilight!”

“Uh, yes, I knew that,” Fluttershy said. She took her eyes away from the top hat—surprisingly difficult; that thing was eldritchly dapper—and shot a quizzical look at Pinkie. “I mean the other thing. You know, with the guard.” She frowned. “It looked like he had forgotten something really important. Or discovered something really important. Or found out he had some serious stomach pains going on.”

“Sometimes, but usually they just go all poppy eyed and wise and stuff,” Pinkie said. “It usually happens with either orphans or black unicorns with red manes.” She stopped for a second and frowned. “Once I met an orphaned black-and-red-unicorn, and after seeing me, he almost exploded.”

“Right? The same happened in Ponyville. Money Bags has a lot of orphans under his command, apparently!”

Money Bags frowned. “Hm. That’d be because of my obsession with burning villages, right?”

“But…” Fluttershy frowned. “Why does that even happen? What do you do to them?”

“Oh, I do nothing! It’s just my eyes, you see? My dad thinks it probably has to do with the fact that I’m a w—OH MY GOSH THIS PLACE IS GIGANTIC!”

“Hm?” Fluttershy looked around. They had come out of the small corridor that joined the main door and the gigantic casino, which looked as full, gigantic, and frightening as ever. Her ears went flat against her head immediately. “Oh gosh,” she muttered. “I don’t know how it’s even possible, but every time I come here I find it even more scary.” She licked her lips. “Say, by any chance, you don’t happen to be feeling like fleeing away scared out of your mind and then, I don’t know, hiding in the bathroom until everything goes away by itself?” she asked, the tiniest of frowns appearing on her face. “Because, um, that would be love—”

“THIS PLACE IS SO SHINY AND PRETTY I WANNA GO THERE! AND THERE! AND THERE! OOOOH, WHAT’S THAT?!”

Fluttershy sighed. “Worth a try, I guess. Say, can we at least avoid the ponies in here? They’re kind of mean, so—”

“OH MY GOSH THAT IS THE BIGGEST, MOST MENACING, MEANEST-LOOKING, UP-TIGHT-EST CROWD I’VE EVER SEEN!”

“Yes,” Fluttershy said, looking at the place Pinkie was pointing, “yes it is.”

Fluttershy sighed. And then, veeery slowly, in the gentlest way possible, she hit her own forehead with a hoof. “You know,” she muttered as Pinkie hopped and popped and jumped and more or less did everything but walk in a normal way, “one would think that by this point I would have learned my lesson, but no. I still have the hopes one day you all will learn the wonders of running away while screaming. Sigh. It’s an amazing experience, really.”

“Come on, Flutter—uh, Summer Breath!” Pinkie was already pretty far away, turning around and waving at her, dodging the myriad of ponies between her and the crowd like a particularly stubborn bull dodging red capes. She had jumped on at least three ponies’ heads—and one very confused griffon’s head—by now. “We don’t wanna miss whatever is happening in there!”

Fluttershy sighed again, the third time in almost thirty seconds, and followed behind Pinkie. “Yes, yes,” she said, her tone that of total defeat. Dealing with Pinkie was like dealing with a very cute puppy that had drunk a hundred cups of coffee—the best thing to do was to surrender and hope it wouldn’t try to bite you. “I mean, how much time has passed since the last time I had a good old ‘run & scream’ moment? I can’t even remember. Those were the good times: flee, faint, and spend the rest of the day with the satisfaction of a job well done—”

“Heya!” Pinkie said, her voice cheery like that of a kid who had just realized he’d been trapped in a candy store all night by accident. “What’cha doing?”

Fluttershy blinked, then looked around. She was in the middle of the crowd Pinkie had pointed out earlier. “Uh, w-what? What the—? How are we here already?”

“Are you playing cards?” Pinkie asked, still smiling. “Can we join the game? Can we? Can we?”

One of the stallions at the table chuckled. It was kind of a masculine chuckle, although not too much—it’s almost impossible to chuckle without sounding like a schoolfilly that’s trying not to giggle—and gave Pinkie a look. “You sure you want to, kiddo? You don’t look like you belong at this table.”

“Of course I do! We do. Both of us.” Pinkie pointed at Fluttershy. “Especially her. Right, Summer Breath?”

“No, seriously, we were like at the other side of the room three seconds ago.”

“Oh, hey, you screamed.” Pinkie arched an eyebrow. “That’s weird. Anyway! We wanna play this game, right? Right?”

It was green, it was big, it was filled with cards, and sitting at it were the closest things to thugs nobility can be without getting kicked out of elegant places—there were only stallions there, of all ages and races, and none of them were wearing a monocle. That fact outright screamed the words “serious business”.

Fluttershy’s pupils grew so much they took the space of her entire eye. “Uh. Ah. I’m—I would actually, uh, um. Uh.” She gulped. “Uuuuuuuuuh…”

“That means yes!” Pinkie clapped twice and took up one of the few free chairs at the table. “Come on, Summer Breath! Sit down!”

“Uh.” Fluttershy hid behind her mane and gulped. “I’m not—w-we don’t even know the game, and…”

“Oh, yeah!” Pinkie looked at the same stallion that had talked before, the one with the moustache. “What are we playing?”

The gray stallion smirked. Somehow, he still managed to look like a schoolfilly trying not to giggle while doing so. “We’re playing Golden Cups, kiddo! The most extremely, overcomplicated, and incomprehensibly long game one can play in this casino!”

“Ooooooh. I love that game! I’m almost an expert!” Pinkie Pie said, right before leaning close to Fluttershy and whispering “Never heard of it.”

“What?!” Fluttershy whispered back, her voice going up like three octaves. Kind of a feat when one’s whispering. “Then why did you say—?”

“Because we’re robbers, Fluttershy. I mean, duh.” Pinkie smiled fiercely at her—that is, she showed all of her teeth and then some. It made the resemblance to the aforementioned caffeinated puppy eerily better. Even the top hat looked like it was doing that fang-showing thing, and it didn’t even have a mouth. “Get your head in the game!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll wing it,” Pinkie whispered, and then she went back to the schoolfilly stallion. “Okay, somepony get my friend a chair, and I better see some cards in my hooves soon!”

The crowd shuffled and there were whispers everywhere, but somepony did bring a chair to Fluttershy, and she had to sit down. To say she did it reluctantly would be kind of an understatement, as she treated the chair the same way a very small kitten treats a meteorite made out of swords on fire, but after fifteen minutes of internal screams and traumatic childhood memories involving various kinds of sofas and lounges, they finally managed to sit her down.

“Just one last thing, kiddo,” the stallion said as he handed Pinkie a couple cards, a very schoolfilly-like gleam in his eye, “I should warn you: if you die in this game, you’ll die in real life too.”

Twilight stood in front of the mirror and bit her lip, a single drop of sweat running down her forehead and stopping on her eyebrow. Her horn was glimmering, a little purple aura surrounding the most delicate part of her incredibly complicated necklace. It was made out of the softest, most expensive, most delicate silk Rarity had found, all interweaved with silver threads. One had to slowly and painfully comb every single thread to create the butterfly pattern Rarity had showed her, and then there was the knot.

Twilight Sparkle wasn’t exactly bad with delicate things, but that necklace had been driving her nuts for a long time now. However, she had finally made it—and true, the butterflies didn’t exactly look as graceful as when Rarity had been the one working with it, but that wasn’t important. Twilight’s dress was so puffy she already looked like a wedding cake; she wouldn’t be surprised if at some point somepony tried to get married in front of her—she was sure nopony was going to look at that necklace too.

But still, Rarity had insisted, so there she was, trying her best not to mess it up. And almost everything was done now; she just needed to tie the knot.

Twilight flinched, the necklace fell to the ground, and there was an explosion, because there’s no other way to describe the way absolutely everything got ruined. All the silver threads untied themselves in painful slow motion, scattering around the room like dust in a particularly windy hurricane, taking the shapes of screaming children and nuclear explosions while doing so, and finally laying on the ground, completely lifeless, like the victims of some unspeakable tragedy.

“You know,” Twilight said, closing her eyes and sighing, “what frustrates me here is not that this situation was predictable. The frustrating part is that I actually left the door open so no door slamming could scare me.” She frowned. “Which means that you had to carefully walk to the door, grab the handle, close it quietly so I wouldn’t notice it, and then kick it open for the sake of drama.” She turned around to face the pony who had come in. “Which is something I would actually expect from somepony like Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie, but y—OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?!”

Applejack cocked her head to the side. “It’s my Pfrench face!” she said. “Ah use it whenever Ah need to look Pfrench. Oui Oui moinseur. See?”

“Ah.” Twilight covered her mouth with a hoof and walked towards Applejack. “Uh, sorry. I don’t know what got into me. It’s just… That face is, um, very… Very…”

“Let’s be polite and go with that, yes.” A pause. “You did look like a baby eating a lemon on fire, though. That’s a fact.”

“I did a lot of weird experiments in my youth.” Twilight waved a hoof in a dismissive way, as opposed to waving a hoof in a missive way. The secret was in the wrist. “Anyway, Pfrench face aside, you look amazing!”

Applejack shot her a smile. Her coat had been painted light brown, and she was dressed in a soft black dress, with no sleeves and barely any decoration, except for a couple flower patterns on the lower half, and there was a beret on her head. “Thanks, Ah guess. Ah still don’t like the paint, though.”

“Well, then your nose is far more sensitive than a normal pony’s, because you’re the only one who thinks so.” Twilight patted her on the shoulder. “I’m really sorry, AJ.”

“Eh, it’s not your fault, Twi.” Applejack looked at the necklace that had met the floor like a lover looks at his lost mother-in-law. “Uh. Trouble with the necklace?”

“More like trouble with the whole dress,” Twi said, frowning. “I mean, look at this!” she said, pointing at herself. “I look like some kind of pastry!”

“You remind me of my cousin and her best friend’s Friendship Celebration Ceremony cake,” Applejack said, eyeing the myriad of white puffs that seemed to form Twilight’s clothes. “The only thing you’re lacking is the butterfat.”

“Yeah!” Applejack said, nodding. “Weird, isn’t it? All the Apples were there! Both mares got dressed fancy, gave each other a ring, and kissed! Very movin’, all that deal. You could feel the friendship in the air.” AJ nodded. “Ah’d never heard of such a thing before, but they said it was a Manehattan thing. And there was a cake just like you there!”

“They… They got each other rings and kissed?” Twilight arched an eyebrow. “What do you say the ceremony was called?”

“The complete name is ‘Friendship Celebration Ceremony and Absolutely Nothing Else, Wink Wink’. The winks were written on the banner, y’see.”

“Uh-huh.” Twilight nodded. “Say, how conservative are your cousin’s parents?”

“Figures. Anyway, yes, I also think I look like a wed—a Friendship Celebration Ceremony cake.” She turned around and faced the mirror again. “And I’m pretty sure it didn’t look like this when Rarity helped me try it on. Do the butterflies on my back look graceful and whimsical?”

“One of 'em is doin’ some kind of gesture with its legs.” Applejack squinted. “Ah don’t know what it is, but let me tell you, it ain’t nice.”

Twilight sighed. “I should have asked Rarity for help before she went away, I think. Why in Equestria would she design a dress that’s impossible to wear? Doesn’t that defeat the entire point of clothes?”

“Little guy’s got passion, Ah’ll tell you that.” Applejack tapped her chin. “Oh, hey, Ah hadn’t seen that one in the back! What is it doin’ with the other’s—wow, that’s just nasty.”

Twilight turned around and frowned. “Stop looking at my whimsical butterflies!”

“Ah!” Applejack jumped back. “Sorry, sorry. Ah won’t do it again.” She scratched the back of her neck. “And… Yeah, you should have asked Rares. Like, really. Really.”

“The point has been driven home already, yes.” Twilight sighed. “What a shame.”

“Well, what can you do?” Applejack said. “It’s not like you can ask her now. By this point she’ll already be in the sewers with Dash.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SOMETHING MOVED IN THERE SOMETHING MOVED IN THERE SOMETHING MOVED IN THERE IT MUST BE A RAT!”

“Oh. Uh, s-sorry, dear, I guess I’m just… I’m, eheh, not made for this whole ‘sewer’ business. I might be a liiiittle bit nervo—SOMETHING MOVED IN THERE!”

“Ah’m sure they’re havin’ a lot of fun,” Applejack finished with a smile.

“Indeed. I would certainly prefer the sewers,” Twilight said, flapping her wings to make sure they were visible. “So! Do you think we should be going already?”

“If they weren’t, they would have sent a note,” Twilight said, nodding. “Spike didn’t spend yesterday’s whole afternoon burping into bottles for nothing.”

“Eh, you’re right. Besides, if Fluttershy knows how to get in, their thing should be no big deal. Ah mean, it’s just a casino, right?”

One of the nobles smirked as he looked up from the cards and threw a couple bits on the table. “Double!” he said. “Anything follows?”

“Ah-hah!” a third one said. “I knew it! I take two more cards, and then I—oh, drat. A ‘go to jail’ card.”

“I summon Keitharar, the Winged Dragon of Chaos, and I attack your lifepoints directly!” screamed the schoolfilly one, throwing a golden card at the table. “Then I sacrifice two monsters to raise my life points to three thousand and lay two cards down, thus ending my turn!”

“Ah-hah!” Pinkie said, punching the table and throwing a seven-sided die on it. “I roll for initiative, and then I attack the troll! Smite Evil!”

Everypony looked at Fluttershy, anticipation in their eyes. “Summer Breath!” Pinkie whispered. “Your turn!”

Shy gulped and looked at her cards. One of clubs, a picture of a lake, and one that read "Fluffy the Obscenely Weak Meerkat (Heart Element)". “Uh…” she said. “Uh. Go fish?”

“Yeah, they’re also havin’ a great time. Probably eatin’ a sandwich at the restaurant.”

“That sounds like something Pinkie Pie would do!” Twilight agreed. Then she looked back at the necklace. “You know what? I’m not going to put that one back on. It would take too long anyway.”

“Aaaw. You sure, sugarcube?” Applejack walked towards the bunch of threads and silver and picked it up. “Rarity put a lot of love into it!”

“I know, and I feel horrible, but we’re going to be late if I try to tie that thing again,” Twilight said, and sighed. “Plus, no offense to Rarity, but you can hardly see my face with this dress. Nopony is going to notice the lack of jewelry on my neck.”

“And Rarity will never know about it either,” Twilight continued. “So really, nopony gets hurt. The perfect crime!”

Rarity squinted, her ears going up faster than ever. “Oh, no. She didn’t,” she muttered.

“The Fashion,” Rarity repeated. “A force of nature, a somewhat magic field that wraps the whole world in its classiness and chicness, connecting everything that’s in.” She squinted so hard she accidentally closed her eyes. “And there’s a great disturbance in it.”

“Words keep coming out of your mouth, but I still don’t understand anything you’re saying.”

“Twilight is wearing the dress without her necklace,” Rarity said. “And that is unforgivable! I’ll have a very serious talk with her the next time I—Uh. What’s that? Your hoof again?”

“Huh. Then Ah guess we’re ready!” Applejack cleared her throat with a cough and put on her Pfrench face. “Comme si comme ça, garçon, sacre bleu! Yeah, Ah’m ready.”

Twilight flinched. “Ugh. Are you sure you want to keep that face on? It’s kind of—”

“Okay, okay.” Twilight raised her hooves to the air, in a surrender-ish pose. “You win. Nopony’s gonna talk about your Pfrench face anymore.”

Applejack nodded. “That’s all Ah want, Twi. Uh, mon dieu, tête, oui oui and all that. Ah’m so good at this.”

“Yyyes.” Twilight sighed. “Yes, you are. Anyway, Spike!” she yelled, getting out of the room. “Spiiiiiiike!”

“Incoming!” Spike appeared from the bottom of the stairs, running in that funny way fat colts and dragons run now and then, all wiggly and panting. “Here I am! What’s the matter, Twi—OH MY GOODNESS, APPLEJACK, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?”

“Because you do look like one!” Spike said, frowning. “And I mean it. I know how that looks. Twilight did a lot of weird experiments when she was younger.”

“Waaaait a minute.” Money Bags raised a hoof and pointed at Twilight. “There’s something here that doesn’t make any sense.”

“You’ve been explaining everything in excruciating detail, and that’s… Well, we’re going to say that’s fine, because keeping this civil sounds like a great idea.” He shook his head. “You already told me you asked your friends about the moments you weren’t there. However, what you just explained doesn’t add up. How did you know what happened in the sewers?”

“I mean, you weren’t there! And then I got you! It’s impossible for you to know what happened!”

Very slowly, almost painfully, Twilight sighed and closed her eyes. “I’ve been talking for over an hour,” she said, “nonstop. I’ve narrated everything that’s happened during the last two weeks or so with excruciating detail. I’ve even explained what went through some ponies’ minds while everything was happening. And the thing that calls your attention is the sewers thing?!”

“Ugh.” Twilight sighed again. She really wanted to massage her temples, but sadly, she was still tied to a chair. That made it a little difficult. “Brightest bussinesspony in Canterlot, right here.”

“I obviously talked with Rarity and the rest shortly before you caught me,” Twilight said, her eyes meeting with Money Bags. “They told me what had happened, so I know everything.”

“Hmm.” Money Bags caressed his chin. “So somehow they also managed to tell you the sewers thing, huh?”

“You were surrounded by chaos, my guards were looking for you, and instead of escaping, you gathered up and had a nice little chat about what had happened today.”

“And they explained to you absolutely everything. In, how much? Under two minutes?”

“It was an excruciatingly detailed little chat, yes.” Twilight beamed a smile. “The magic of friendship!”

“That’s good.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Gosh, I can’t believe I was scared of you when we started.”

“Nothing!” Twilight smiled. “Anyway, as I said, Applejack and I were the next ones coming to the casino. Obviously, stealth and discretion were crucial—the first rule of a heist is not to get caught, and the best way to do that is to make sure the pony you’re robbing doesn’t even know you’re there.”

Money Bags arched an eyebrow. “You’re kidding me, right? May I remind you how you got in the Casino?”

After shooting a smirk at the guard at the door, Applejack cleared her throat and yelled right into the casino, propelling her voice like a cannon shoots party paraphernalia. There was a corridor between the door and the actual casino, and its echo did nothing but make the words sound louder. “THE PRINCESS TWILIGHT HAS ARRIVED! Also, omelette, poisson, oui oui. Whatever. THE PRINCESS IS HERE!”

The reaction was immediate, as anypony with the slightest experience around nobility could have predicted. It’s not just a widely known fact, but almost common sense, that nobleponies act around princes, princesses, and other ponies with the “far more important than the rest” badge the same way mosquitoes act around a candle in the middle of the night, although at least mosquitoes don’t fool themselves thinking they’ll somehow magically turn into a light bulb if they are annoying enough.

A myriad of ears perked up the same moment Applejack gave her announcement, and half a myriad of faces turned to the door, eyes gleaming and mouths agape. The silence that came after Applejack’s roar lasted only three seconds, broken first by whispers, and soon enough by screams.

Like a swarm of the aforementioned mosquitoes, many nobleponies turned around and walked towards the door—the corridor was soon, well, swarmed by them, although nopony actually got out of the building.

“Wait a minute, Ah forgot,” Applejack said, turning around and facing Twilight. “What were you again? A duchess?”

“You really didn’t catch that?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow. “Really? Because Ah’m pretty sure any other guard would have let us in by now. With no questions.”

“Yeah, that’d be the answer,” Applejack said, pointing at the door. “In case the whole ‘wings and horn’ thing didn’t get through.”

“You sure are having a good time, aren’t you?” Twilight whispered, looking at the insides of the casino through the door. The nobleponies were losing their minds pretty hard, all gathered in the hall, trying to peek at her, the guard blocking their view. “Shouldn’t you tone it down a little?”

“Heh.” Applejack’s extremely firelemoned face made that chuckle sound like a frog trying to be menacing. “Just followin’ orders! Rarity told me to be like this.”

“Ah prefer the term ‘assertive’, but yeah. More or less.” She shrugged. “Cut me some slack, Twi, Ah’ve been kicked out of places like this all week. Ah wanna blow off some steam.”

“Sure, fella,” Applejack said. “She’s Her Majesty, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Ah’m her personal bodyguard.”

“Hmmm…” The guard frowned and looked at Applejack with the intensity of a clone watching paint dry. “I don’t know… The princess can get in, of course, but this is a very elegant place, and—”

“Ah. Right. Pfrench.” The guard nodded. “Sorry. Forgot about that for a second.”

“Eh, don’t worry.” Applejack patted the guard on the head. “Everypony makes mistakes now and then. Keep up the good job.”

Twilight smiled at him and nodded back. “Thank you very much,” she said as Applejack opened the door. “Well, that went well,” she whispered

“Um…” Twilight licked her lips and took a single step towards the now open door. The nobleponies gasped. “Okay…” She turned around for a second. “Do you think they’ll calm down after a while, or—”

“THE PRINCESS IS HERE!” the crowd yelled, moving as one, surrounding Applejack and Twilight the very moment they got in the building, eager faces everywhere, like puppies gathering around a mug of coffee.

“Okay, no, seriously. How many times are you gonna reference that puppy-coffee thing?”

“Ugh.” Twilight gulped and looked around. She could barely see the casino—there were too many ponies around her. “Um. Sorry, I can’t seem to… breathe? Can you please give me a little—”

“The princess wants some space!” Applejack said, pushing around some of the most puppycaffeinated nobleponies, gently but with the special strength that comes from the habit of kicking trees for a living. “Her majesty needs to breathe! Get the bonjour out of the way, y’all!”

“Oh, but how can we show our respect for her if we can’t asphyxiate her with our adoration?!”

“Seriously,” Twilight said. Her horn glimmered just a little, and for a moment, there was an almost imperceptible green flame behind her. Nopony seemed to notice. “I can’t, um, breathe. As in, at all. I’m suffocating a little here.”

Applejack pushed some more ponies out of the way. “Ah’m gettin’ serious!” she said. “Out!”

“And who would that be? That deliciously Pfrench pony,” a mare whispered. “I’ve never seen her around…”

“I think she’s Princess Twilight’s bodyguard, darling,” another one replied. “Exudes elegance, doesn’t she?”

“Ah’m gonna start kickin’ butts if y’all don’t move, guys, and Ah’m bein’ serious! Howdy howdy howdy how do you like’ em apples sugarcube reckon y’all ain’t gonna like it when Ah go and buck yer fancy faces! Also, bienvenidos, amigos, and all that.”

“Um…” Fluttershy frowned and turned around, leaving all her cards on the table. “Did… Did you hear that?”

“Ah-hah!” Pinkie pressed a red button on the table, causing a wheezing sound. “The answer is ‘pancakes’! Jeopardy! Also I summon Normal Bird to the battlefield and end my turn without attacking.”

“The villager tells you he hasn’t heard news of any trolls attacking the kingdom lately,” another noblepony said, skimming through a giant rulebook.

“Um. Pinkie?” Fluttershy repeated, poking Pinkie on the side. “Are you… Can’t you hear that?”

“What?” Pinkie looked at her friend and cocked her head to the side. “Ah, Summer Breath. What’s the matter?”

Pinkie turned around and obeyed. The room was too big and far too crowded to see what was on the other side, but it definitely looked like a really big group of ponies had gathered around one particular point, and they were all talking at the same time. “Huh,” she said. “Sounds like they’re having fun.”

“Do you think it means they’ve arrived?” Fluttershy asked. “It sounds like they’re—”

“Well, this is a big room,” Pinkie said. “I guess Twilight is here after all!”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash raised a hoof, and her ears perked up. The sewers echoed with her whisper. “Did you hear that?”

“No, no.” Dash shook her head. “It came from the casino. Something like… an explosion?”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Seriously, I heard something. I think Twilight is already there. We should get ready.”

“If you raise your voice one more time, Rarity, I swear to Celestia I’m going to dunk your head in that puddle.”

“That one, over there. The black one. The one that’s twitching.” Dash squinted. “I don’t know what’s inside, but it certainly doesn’t look like water.”

“Good.” Rainbow Dash nodded and opened her saddlebags. “Then let’s get to work.”

To understand what came out of those saddlebags, one first needs to know that the building that was visible in Canterlot was not the entire casino. On the contrary, the majority of Money Bag’s empire was built underground—Rainbow Dash had discovered that the very first day, when she noticed one had to go downstairs to find the offices and the casino’s own little jail.

The casino had many underground levels, each one bigger than the preceding one. The result was that of a pyramid-shaped building, with the visible part of it being the peak. Such a design served absolutely no purpose whatsoever, though.

“Yeah! It boosts my extremely overblown ego and makes me feel like I’m even better than anypony else.” Money Bags smirked. “Not even Celestia has a pyramid! I’m like the emperors of old! My power has no limits!”

Twilight squinted. “Seriously, of all the megalomaniacs I’ve met in my life—and trust me, I’ve met a bunch—you’re both the megalomanest and the stupidest. That takes talent.”

So, as we were saying, that design had no real use whatsoever, except for maybe fulfilling the delusional fantasies of its owner, whose ability to get rich and be seen as one of the most influential individuals in Canterlot keeps getting more and more surprising by the second.

Anyway, that design meant that the deepest level of the casino was the most important—as in, the one where Money Bags kept all his documents. That meant two things: first, getting through the normal way would be almost impossible—there were enough guards in each level to make it very hard to get to the other side of it without being seen, and there were five levels.

Second it also meant that the sewers were right under the fifth level, and thus it wasn’t really necessary to get in “the usual way” at all.

And so, Dash took out of her saddlebags nothing but cakes, of many sizes and flavours, and various bottles filled with very hot chamomile tea. “Okay,” she said, giving everything to Rarity, “I’m going to fly to the ceiling and stick the cakes up there. You stay here and make sure no rat comes and tries to eat it.”

Rarity gulped. Her ears went down. Her pupils became the size of peas. A shiver ran down her spine. Her left eye twitched.

“Wow, control your excitement,” Dash said. “You’re starting to look like Pinkie Pie here.”

“What, are they going to have a picnic down there?” Money Bags asked. “And seriously, you have a cake obsession.”

“The best part of this is, I already know we’re going to keep talking about baked goods,” Money Bags said, rubbing the space between his eyes. “Seriously, what is with you and cakes? Why are you so obsessed with them?”

“Eh, I spent a whole week living under the same roof as Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said. “Baking and talking about cakes out of nowhere is the rule when you’re near her.” She frowned. “Seriously, it’s uncanny. Sometimes I wonder if she lives in Sugarcube Corner because it’s a bakery, or if Sugarcube Corner is a bakery because she lives in there.”

“That would be more interesting if I had any idea what the hay Sugarcube Corner is.”

“I don’t care.” Money Bags sighed. “I mean, I know it’s completely impossible, but, really, if you managed to stop talking about cakes for a while, I would be really grateful.”

Perhaps we should go back in time, at least a couple minutes, to properly show why Twilight Sparkle had felt the urge to say that word out loud like that.

Walking towards the restaurant had been quite the feat, and the only reason they had achieved it was Applejack being really, really strong, and really, really good at pushing nobleponies away.

After a couple minutes of the crowd around them getting bigger and bigger, Money Bags himself appeared, dressed in that black, custom made suit of his—with a matching tie, of course.

Even though she had been prepared for this, Twilight couldn’t help but feel surprised at the way the nobleponies acted. There was a very logical reason, of course—as Rarity had carefully explained, the casino was a guilty pleasure, no matter how socially accepted it had become, so almost everypony in there was ashamed of being seen in the building. The sudden appearance of a princess had the double effect of both deleting part of the stigma attached to the casino—”If the Princess is here, then it’s not that bad!”—and causing the nobleponies to feel even more embarrassed—”Oh dear Celestia, the Princess just saw me enjoying myself at the casino, like a mere commoner! What am I going to do?!

So the nobleponies had two options: they could either try to demonstrate both to the Princess and to themselves that they weren’t there because of the casino, but because of the ponies in there, or they could show their appreciation and gratitudefor the Princess due to her deleting the aforementioned social stigma.

Funnily enough, both options involved trying get as physically close to Twilight as possible, screaming their throats out at the same time because why wouldn’t they. Well, at least the vast majority of them were doing that. If there had been any band playing at the stage the music would have been completely covered up by the screams. A random pony in the background had even chosen to show his feelings via shooting a seemingly endless stream of fireworks at the ceiling.

“You know, I kind of like him,” Applejack said, looking at the Fireworks Guy as both her and Twilight sat down at the table Money Bags had prepared for them. “He has fireworks, so he shoots fireworks. Stick to your guns, as they say.”

“He’s been doing that for the last fifteen minutes,” Twilight said, frowning a little. “…Shouldn’t somepony stop him?”

“Oh, Princess, it’s just a celebration of your presence here!” Money Bags said, sitting down too and smiling at them. “Under normal circumstances, my guards would have taken care of him a long time ago, but we can make an exception.”

“Um. Excuse me. Excuse me? Excuse me, sir.” A waiter somehow managed to swim through the mass of neverending nobles that was surrounding that table and stood there, a notebook floating in front of him. “Ahem. Princess? Mister Money Bags? Madame Princess’ Bodyguard? May I take your order?”

“Don’t bother to bring the bill afterwards,” Money Bags said, still smiling. “It will be my honor to pay for their drinks.”

Twilight shot a side glance towards Applejack. She shrugged. “Ah guess he’s the host. Quatre-vingts. You’re bein’ awfully polite, Mister Money Bags.”

Money Bags nodded. “Miss Applejaque. You see, my casino had never been honored with the presence of a member of royalty before—my employees were quick to tell me about your visit the very moment you stepped in, because this is certainly an occasion we should celebrate, isn’t it?” He chuckled. “Besides, as you kindly said, I’m the host. And it’s normal for me to invite some of my most beloved clients to a drink, isn’t it?”

A bunch of nobleponies in the crowd nodded and a general affirmative mumble ran through the entire room.

Twilight frowned as she looked at all the ponies doing nothing but looking at her. She felt like she was on a stage, acting in some kind of play. The only thing she was missing was some makeup, but she guessed Applejack was standing in for the both of them in that regard. “Hmm. Many thanks, Mister Money Bags.” Then she remembered some of Rarity’s tips on how to woo him. “Uh, the crown will make sure to remember this, uh, gesture.”

“Ain’t he just the finest gentlecolt in the room.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Princess? The waiter’s waitin’.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Twilight smiled at him. “Ahem. I would like to eat a slice of strawberry cake, if you don’t mind?”

“Same here,” Applejack said. “And Ah hope your strawberries are better than your apples, because pffff.” She looked at the crowd of nobles. “Ah mean, escargot, right?”

“I dare to say, the cakes are even more escargotian. Sometimes. Maybe. I don’t know. Perhaps?”

“Hmm, I think I’ll have the same as them,” Money Bags said. Then he turned to Twilight. “Do you like sweets, Princess? I didn’t know that.”

A-a-a-ah. That was the moment Rarity had been talking about. Now everything depended on Twilight’s answer. She felt Applejack getting a little more tense than usual by her side.

However, she wasn’t going to let all that training go to waste. Rarity had barely slept for the last week because of her, and she was going to make sure it paid off.

So she relaxed her shoulders and made sure her legs wouldn’t shake, took a deep breath to slow her heartbeats, and licked her lips, to avoid a dry mouth. Eyes forward, she thought. Muzzle up. Hooves relaxed. Tail falling gracefully to the side.

And finally, she let a confident smile creep to her face, and looked at Money Bags. “Oh, well,” she said, “you know. It’s the latest trend. Everypony who’s somepony knows cake is absolutely in.” She paused. “Princess Celestia herself adores it too, of course.”

Absolute silence. Except for the fireworks, of course. Fireworks Guy was very thorough with his job.

Then every single noblepony in the crowd turned to the waiter, eyes sparkling.

Applejack smiled at the now-panicked waiter, who was just standing there, like a duck being hit with the sudden realization that beauty is ephemeral and consciousness is just an illusion. “You’re gonna need a bigger notebook,” she said.

“How couldn’t we? You had Fluffy the Obscenely Weak Meerkat!” Pinkie said, balancing the giant bag of bits on her back. “That’s an amazingly powerful card!”

They had gotten away from the table some minutes ago because even the schoolfilly stallion looked kind of shocked at their victory, so now Fluttershy and Pinkie were walking aimlessly around the gambling section of the casino, mostly looking for anything shiny enough to grab Pinkie’s attention for more than three minutes.

“We should do something with this money!” Pinkie was saying. “Imagine how many things we can buy with it!”

“Oh… Are you sure we can spend it?” Fluttershy bit her lip. “I think it would be better to give it back. Although… To whom? The stallions at the table left… Maybe we could give it to the casino? Or maybe to Celestia? Or we could donate it to an orphanage, that would be nice.”

“Yes, um. I would really like to spend it as soon as possible. It’s kind of breaking my back.”

Both of them blinked and looked to the left. There were two stallions standing near a wall, talking. Both of them had a plate with a little slice of cake on it.

“Cake!” the first stallion repeated. “It’s the latest trend! Everypony knows so!”

“Definitely, definitely.” The second stallion nodded and put another piece of cake in his mouth. “After all,” he said after swallowing, “even Princess Celestia likes it, doesn’t she?”

“So Princess Twilight said,” the first one replied. “But, of course, I already knew that. Princess Twilight just, um, reminded me of the fact!”

“Indeed, indeed. Say, did you see her dress? The angry wasps? So avant-garde!” He put a foreleg over the other stallion’s shoulder. “Almost makes me feel like Celebrating our Friendship…”

“Huh.” Pinkie looked at Fluttershy as they walked away. “Looks like Twilight already made her move!”

“So it seems.” Fluttershy looked around. Now that she paid attention, there were a lot of ponies eating cake. Even some of the ones at the slot machines were munching it between lost coin and lost coin. “And I don’t see any waiters,” she said.

“Hey, you’re right!” Pinkie smiled, then winked. “I guess they’re very busy, hmmm? There are a lot of ponies in here! Hahah!”

Both Pinkie and Fluttershy blinked at the sudden burst of green flames that had appeared in front of them. Then, after a second, it was gone. A small parchment fell slowly to the ground.

One of the first things Pinkie had asked was how big the kitchen was, and how much food was stocked in there. And, as it was usual for Pinkie Pie’s questions, what looked like some silly nonsensical thing was actually pretty important.

The thing about Money Bags’ casino is that, in the end, its main purpose was to act as a casino. True, there was the restaurant, and the shop, and the theater… but those were mild distractions. Ponies were expected to go and spend their bits on the slot machines and poker tables, and only now and then go and ask for a drink or an elegant snack.

So, what happened when almost every pony in the casino suddenly realized they had to eat cake?

“It’s useless!” the head chef, Chocolate Pudding, said, falling to his knees in the magnificently big kitchen of the casino, a gigantic, ever-white place filled with cooks and chefs and servants and scullions and whatnot. “There’s just no way!”

“Sir!” One of the other cooks, an old stallion named Orange Swirl, got him by the shoulders and raised him, locking eyes with him. “You can’t give up, sir! Not now!”

“But it’s useless! Useless, I tell you!” Chocolate Pudding fainted like a true lady—or, well, he did the ‘fainting like a lady’ gesture; he didn’t lose consciousness—forcing Orange Swirl to hold him like a lover holds the master chef of a kitchen. “There’s not enough cakes!”

“It isn’t enough, my loyal Orange Swirl!” Chocolate Pudding continued with his fainting. “We have eggs, and flour, and sugar, but we don’t have the ability! We don’t have the time or the skills to make so many cakes in such little time!”

“Sir! We can try, sir!” Orange Swirl looked around, at the dozens of workers that were looking at them with a mix of hope and fear. “Everypony in this kitchen will follow your orders and try their hardest the moment you—”

“But trying hard is not enough!” Chocolate Pudding roared. In the background, somepony started playing a sad violin piece. Very heartwarming. “It’s not enough, Orange Swirl! We’ll never make it! I know what I’m talking about! My wife died trying to bake too many cakes!”

“Sir…!” Orange Swirl fought back tears, as did most of the mares and at least three of the other stallions in the kitchen. “Sir, it’s different now! We all have the proper training! It won’t happen again!”

“But I’m not willing to risk it, Orange Swirl!” Chocolate Pudding shook his head, tears running freely down his cheeks. “We’re just not made for this! If only there was some kind of legendary baker, a pony so used to baking cakes her mere existence was linked to them, a pony who had spent the last week or so doing nothing but baking cakes and possibly brewing potions, then we might have a chance of survival!” He grabbed Orange Swirl by the shoulders. “But that’s impossible, and without a pony like that, we’re doomed! Doomed I tell you!”

The doors opened, and the sad violin piece was immediately replaced with a victorious choir singing something in an ancient language nopony really understood.

Everypony turned around and fell to their knees after looking at her—the one who had opened the door, a pony surrounded by an impossibly white light, her mane floating gracefully in the nonexistent wind.

“Ugh. Okay, I might have dramatized that last part a little,” Twilight said, huffing. “But then again, it’s Pinkie we’re talking about. I’m willing to believe that is what really happened.”

“Um. Pinkie?” Fluttershy walked in the kitchen too and poked her friend on the side. “Did you really need to close the door so you could pinkick it open?”

“Yes!” Pinkie didn’t skip a beat. “Everypony, we have a mission!” The choir got louder. “We are not going to be defeated!”

Some of the ponies got up from their knees, hope gleaming in their eyes. “You mean…” Orange Swirl whispered, swallowing. “You mean you…?”

“Of course!” Pinkie said, walking towards Chocolate Pudding, who was still on the ground. “I’m the one you need! I have the training! I have the ability!”

She looked down. Chocolate Pudding had entire rivers of tears on his cheeks, his eyes sparkling like a bunch of pearls in front of a house on fire. It made Pinkie slightly melancholic.

“So,” Pinkie whispered, still smirking, “the question here is: do I have the crew?”

“THEN LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!” Pinkie screamed, raising one hoof to the skies. The chorus hit its highest note.

“You, you, and you!” Pinkie walked towards the center of the kitchen, pointing at random ponies while she was at it. “Bring all the flour we have! You, help that one with the sugar! You, start slicing those strawberries! The three in the back, whip as many eggs as possible! You prepare the oven! You get the chocolate ready! Come on, come on, come on!”

“M-ma’am!” One of the mares marched towards Pinkie Pie and gave her a salute. “I’m afraid we don’t have enough personnel, ma’am! Over half our waiters are existential ducks right now!”

“It’s a restaurant term, Summer Breath. Don’t worry about it.” Pinkie smiled at Fluttershy, then turned back to the mare that had reported to her. “Private!” she said.

“Private Cook!” Pinkie said. “If we don’t have enough waiters, we get them! Go ask the guards for help!”

“B-but, ma’am!” Chocolate Pudding said, frowning, “that’s impossible! They have other duties!”

“Then they’ll have to ignore them for a while!” Pinkie said, her voice that of a sergeant in the middle of a battle. “The princess is out there, and we’re going through a cake shortage! This is more important!”

“Yes, ma’am!” the mare said, running towards the door. “I’m on it, ma’am!”

“Celestia be with you, Private Cook!” Pinkie said, saluting her as she ran away. Then she turned towards Chocolate Pudding. “And, chief cook?”

Chocolate Pudding tried to fight back tears again, but he couldn’t. It was a shame, to be honest. If he had been paying attention to his surroundings, he might have seen how, as the first guards walked into the kitchen, willing to take orders from Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy was getting a bottle filled with something that really looked like green fire from her saddlebags and then writing something on a piece of parchment.

The sewers were filled with green light for less than a second as the flame appeared in front of Rarity and Dash.

Pinkie, Fluttershy, and the guards are already in the kitchen. Money Bags is with Twilight and Applejack, and Twilight says there are fireworks there, so you won’t be heard.

Good luck!

Spike.

And then, without even looking at Rarity, she grabbed one of the chamomile tea bottles and threw it at the ceiling.

Crime and Funishment

by Aragon

Fifth Chapter - Show Starts Now!