//------------------------------// // End // Story: Coping with a Failure // by Ponysopher //------------------------------// Rainbow just lay there with a vacant expression in her dim bedroom for several days. Though the room was silent save for the wind that blew through the window, the resounding thoughts of her meaninglessness pounded away in her ears like the drums at an execution. There was no life left in her anymore. She only moved to relieve herself and quench her thirst occasionally. The confident, lively, challenge-seeking speed demon had been reduced to a vegetated pony; slowing wasting away as the time slowly crept along. The mare no longer had control over her thoughts. They automatically whizzed through the halls of her soul and reveled triumphantly over her. She had no will anymore either; no will to rid herself of her despair or desire to do anything but take care of her most basic hygienic and life-sustaining needs. She had contemplated suicide once during her disorderly train of thoughts, but she knew better than that. Rainbow didn’t want to be a burden to anyone and her death would only make her friends sad. Of course doing nothing would cause the same problem. Sitting there would only make them seek her out, and their discovery of her present state would make them worry. She was in a dilemma without a conceivable solution, so she just stopped caring, like with everything else. Yet it did eventually happen. It should have come to no surprise to her that after her being absent for a week and a half that Pinkie would look for her. She was justified though in her surprised reaction when Pinkie actually succeeded in finding her. It was once again midday when Rainbow heard the high pitched voice of the pink party pony. “Oh Dashie, where are you?” She called in a sing-song voice. Rainbow was distraught at the sound of her friend coming. She didn’t want to have to deal with anypony now, let alone Pinkie Pie. It would be best to just keep quiet and act like nopony was home, but of course Pinkie was not the type to give up too easily. Before long, Rainbow heard the soft sound of hooves landing on cloud right next to her. She looked to her left and saw Pinkie standing on the windowsill of her cloud house. Dash barely had any energy, but she still was surprised enough to jump and shout, “Pinkie!” Her voice was a tad on the weak sad for somepony who should be yelling. “How did you manage to get up here? How are you even standing on the cloud?” In contrast to Rainbow’s tired, forced voice, Pinkie was, as always, full of life. “Well, first I asked Twilight to cast that spell on me so I could walk on clouds and then I used my flying machine to get up here and now here I am.” The cyan pegasus sighed and lay back down onto her bed. “Whatever Pinkie.” She said, exasperated. “Did you need something?” The blissful pony responded in her usual manner, a torrent of words. “Well I just haven’t seen you in a while and I was worried about you. And then I talked to some of the other pegasus ponies and they said you hadn’t come out of her house in a while and I thought you must be so lonely. So I thought I’d come up here and see if I could help you with that.” She smiled with a huge grin. The downcast pegasus was not amused. “Well that’s nice of you Pinkie, but I’m fine.” She said with mock contentedness. “Really?” Pinkie asked, nonplussed. “That’s weird. Why wouldn’t you want to see your friends for so long?” “Sometimes ponies just want to be alone for a while.” “For two weeks?” Rainbow was far too down to call herself angry, but never before had she been so frustrated to have to deal with Pinkie. Sure, the party-pony was annoying at times, but in general, she was a joy to have around. Her attitude was contagious and everypony knew it. This time though, the depressed pony wanted nothing to do with her. She couldn’t even put her hoof on the reason why. Her presence was just getting on her nerves. “Yes, Pinkie, for two weeks.” Dash snapped. “Maybe even for a whole month.” Pinkie wasn’t offended by her friend’s uncalled for behavior. Rather, using her intuition, immediately the pink mare caught on and saw that Rainbow had a problem. “Aw, sounds like somepony woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Is there something bothering you, Dashie?” “No, Pinkie. Nothing’s wrong.” She said with nearly the same degree of hostility. “That’s not what it sounds like to me.” For a split second, Rainbow’s nature brought an odd thought to her mind. What if she decided to talk to Pinkie? Maybe her blissful friend could help her feel a bit better. Yet she brushed it out of her mind almost as soon as it had entered. Pinkie wasn’t exactly the kind of mare who could help anypony with their psychological issues. “Well, you’re wrong.” Dash answered. “Nothing could be better.” “Are you sure?” Pinkie asked, leaning close to her friend. “You know that you can tell me anything, right?” Once again, Rainbow sighed and placed her hoof on her face. “Well, there are a few complicated things that I don’t think that you’d understand which I don’t think I should lose time telling you.” “Like what?” She asked excitedly. Rainbow, now regaining a portion of her energy with the hope that she could give a vague answer and satisfy her interrogator asked, “Have you ever wanted something so badly and tried your best to get it, but couldn’t have it?” “You mean like how you want to join the Wonderbolts?” The pegasus had to use all her might to stop herself from having a rage-induced fit. “Yes Pinkie.” She said through gritted teeth. “Like how I wanted to join the Wonderbolts.” Pinkie leaned back and her eyes lit up as though she had realized something. “Oh Dashie,” She said in a compassionate tone. “You didn’t already try out for them did you?” Somehow, the way the pink earth pony said those words made all of her frustration melt away. Now all that was left in her was sadness. Her head fell and she answered, “Yes.” Pinkie immediately embraced her friend who was coming to tears again. Rainbow recoiled when Pinkie moved, but didn’t try to stop her or break the hug. It was embarrassing for Pinkie to see her like this and it was humiliating that she was about to cry in front of her, so there was no chance that she could look her in the eyes now. Of course though, Pinkie did let go and looked her friend in the eyes. “Are you alright, Dashie?” She asked. A tear spilled out of Rainbow’s left eye. For a second, she thought about flying out of the house as fast as her wings would carry her and travelling far away from Ponyville; as far away as far would go. But then the compassion in Pinkie’s eyes compelled her to finally answer, “No, Pinkie. No, everything isn’t alright. And I don’t think that you can understand the kind of agony I’m in right now.” “I can try.” All this time, the pegasus had thought that she wanted to have nothing to do with other ponies for the rest of her life. Rainbow never wanted to talk with any one of them again. Her only desire was once solitude. Yet now that Pinkie was here and eager to listen, Dash felt that all she wanted to do was pour her troubles out and hope that somepony could help her bear them. She thought that Pinkie couldn't understand, but maybe just voicing her problem would somehow make it better. The broken mare began with a sob. “Pinkie, all my life I’ve wanted to join the Wonderbolts. Since I was just a filly, years before I got my cutie mark, I was training hard every day. I devoted nearly every second of my free time, up until recently, to meet that goal, and I knew that would be my destiny.” She rephrased that last sentence. “I knew that it was my destiny. I gave up almost all of my life to that goal, and I poured my heart, body and soul into trying to make it happen. Now I realize that it was more than just my goal, it was my purpose. I’ve been alive up until now only to make that happen. I’m here only to do that.” She paused and shed another tear. “But now that they've rejected me, I just don’t see any reason to live anymore. If I don’t have a reason to live then I’m just taking up space like a piece of trash.” Saying this, she burst into tears. Listening well, and understanding fully what her friend had confided in her, Pinkie once more embraced her friend and spoke soothingly to her. She wasted no time with pointless cooing, but immediately answered her friend with a question. “What if you had been accepted?” Rainbow looked up. She was now confused. “What?” Pinkie let go of Rainbow and repeated her honest question again. “What if you had been accepted?” Rainbow thought that maybe Pinkie hadn’t understood properly. “Pinkie,” She said once more. “I told you, it’s my life’s goal.” “I know,” She responded. “But what would you do after you were accepted. I know you would travel around with the Wonderbolts, but what would be your purpose then?” The question seemed so odd to Rainbow. Thinking about it for a moment, the answer seemed so obvious: She would hang out with her teammates all day. Yet then she grasped Pinkie’s point. Even if she had achieved her goal, she still wouldn’t have a purpose anymore, because it would have been fulfilled; leaving her with nothing. Her destiny suddenly seemed so narrow and so focused on the short term, it was ridiculous. Why couldn’t she answer a simple question like that? It bothered her badly now that she couldn’t give an answer. Pinkie saw this and continued. “Hey Dash, when you were training, did you have fun?” This, she believed that she could answer immediately. “Of course not. It was hard work.” “So you didn’t have fun when you raced through the air; imagining that you were a Wonderbolt? You didn’t have fun when you did the sonic rainboom for the first time?” Dash thought back to her days of training. Now that she thought about it, it was extremely hard work, but every second that she thought about pursing the prize (not taking hold of the prize, but just getting closer to it), Rainbow felt a great rush of excitement. She suddenly remembered that when all of her friends asked her why she was working so hard and told them proudly, she was having the time of her life. When she woke up one day and realized that she could fly faster than before, when she beat (or rather destroyed) her rival in a race after trying so desperately, those were the moments that she wasn't just having fun. Dash was truly living and not just existing. As Pinkie saw that the tiny seed that she had planted in her friend grew quickly into a giant mass of hope, she smiled and watched the process unfold. The gears of thought inside Dash’s mind were turning. The “what if” questions that the masters of philosophy ask started to come to her of their own accord. “What if,” the cyan pegasus asked herself. “I was actually finding purpose and meaning inside the very act of pursuing the prize itself? What if the success I wanted so badly isn’t a single event? What if it’s a whole bunch of, or even a collection of events like a journey? What if finding the end of the journey in each day and succeeding in every step of the way towards the prize was her purpose? What if spending her life beating herself up for a far off victory wasn’t at all comparable to living the greatest number of hours right now?” Suddenly, many things became clear to Rainbow Dash. She loved working hard every day for the prize which she sought so fervently. She couldn’t get enough of the great challenge that it was to assess her competition and find a way to beat them. It was the greatest joy for her to wake up in the morning, not because she had already taken hold of the prize, but because today she got the chance to take another step towards it, to press on against the most daunting adversities for the opportunity to claim the greatest of joys. Extricating herself from her reverie, Rainbow looked at Pinkie who was staring at her now with an innocent smile. “Pinkie,” She said weakly. “Yes Rainbow Dash?” “Thank you.” “For what?” The earth pony asked, blinking. Rainbow sniffed. “For giving me my life back and making me feel so much better.” Once more, a huge smile crossed the earth pony’s face. “So everything’s okay now?” Dash rubbed her eyes and said. “Yeah Pinkie. Everything’s more than okay now.” At this, the party pony let out a humongous whoop and asked, “You know what this calls for?” Rainbow humored her. “What?” “A PARTY!” Pinkie shouted. Immediately she hugged Dash one more time and said, “I’ve gotta go get things ready. See you soon, Dashie.” Saying this, she nearly flew out the window and Rainbow heard the sound of machinery starting. Pinkie was off to plan a party that she would throw that night without fail. After Pinkie left, the newly enlightened pegasus looked out of her window again and gazed on the world below. The sun was still giving its radiant light, but now, with her being in good spirits, it was shining more brilliantly on the ground than ever. Standing up and placing her hooves onto the windowsill, she flexed her mighty and powerful wings for the first time in ages. It felt great to stretch them out. Looking down to ground below, she leapt up through the window and dive-bombed towards it; letting out an exhilarated shout as the deafening wind rushed past her. No matter how many times she did it, she could never let go of the feeling of a free fall. Nor could she ever get used to the thrill of spreading her wings at the last possible second; gliding above the ground with only yards to spare.