//------------------------------// // The head-on approach is always good for nightmares // Story: Living with ponies? Defeating villains? I could get used to this. // by The Batmane of equestria //------------------------------// I bolted through the long and luxurious halls of Canterlot Castle as fast as my legs would take me, which I only hoped would give me enough time to armour up and defend Canterlot from the monstrosity knocking at it’s metaphorical doors. It was as I was running that I noticed the distinctive click-clack of dress shoes on tile. Looking down, I realised that I was still dressed in the tuxedo that Discord had willed into existence. This was a problem. My army gear was perfect for the situation and contained a lot of supplies I would no doubt have needed. The tuxedo, however, did not. Normally, fighting in a tux would have been badass. But against King Sombra, Ex-tyrant of the Crystal Empire, lord of the shadows, and master of dark magic? It would only serve as a hindrance. Running through more halls, I eventually came across a large concentration of guards gathered outside of a closet-like room. Time to get armoured up. “WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE!?” I bellowed, putting on my best angry face in an attempt to scare them into revealing who was in charge immediately. “I AM!” Came a louder reply from the middle of the crowd. The guards parted and none other than Shining Armor stepped forwards. I internally fanboyed at that, but I kept a stoic face in an attempt to look professional. “Who or what are you!?” He stomped his hoof for emphasis, his glare matching mine. My expression dropped immediately into a friendlier one. “Major Ryan Meyler of the royal british army, at your service.” I bowed at that. So maybe I lied a bit about my rank, but I don’t think being a Private would command respect. “What?” He looked at me, slightly dumbfounded. “I would be requiring a set of armour and a sword if you have any to spare.” I said in the most posh accent I could manage without breaking down in laughter. “What?” “Well, how else do you expect me to fight Sombra? With a sharpened stick?” “What do you gain from helping us?” He asked skeptically. “The chance to kick Sombra’s smoky ass into the next millenium. The trust of the princesses. The fun of sword combat. What more do I need?” A few tense seconds were passed in silence. Finally, he spoke. “Alright. I’ll see what I can do. But be warned: if you so much as hurt the feelings of someone I love, then I will not hesitate to bring the full force of the royal guard down on your head.” He warned, to which I only chuckled. “Thanks for your help Captain Armor. If you do have the required items, take them to the throne room. That is where I will most likely be.” A boom resounded throughout the castle. “And hurry. I doubt the guards will hold him off for long at the wall.” I turned to run to the throne room, but I turned back for a second. “Oh, and Shining? Try not to get yourself killed.” With that, I sprinted off. On approach to the throne room, I spotted a golden opportunity. Ever since I was a young teenager, whenever I saw a closed set of double doors, I had an inexplicable urge to charge at it and perform a flying kick to boot it open. I only hoped it was not locked as a result of the emergency status. I sprinted harder, my legs screaming in protest at my speed. I leapt deftly off my left foot, my right taking the lead. My body twisted anti-clockwise just a bit as my left foot tucked in under my right. Then my right came in contact with the gap between the two doors at an angle, slamming the two massive doors aside with the impact, allowing me to land perfectly on my feet, sliding across the tile for a couple of metres. In the room were the two sister princesses and the elements of harmony. They all turned in shock, readying weapons in preparation to fight Sombra. Then I realised they were all in full battle armour. And they all held either a sword, battle axe, or dagger. What? “Why are you all in armour? Why do you even have armour?” I questioned. They lowered their weapons and Twilight spoke up. “Well, we fight a lot of villains, and not everything can be stopped by the elements of harmony, especially now that they are stuck in that tree.” “Seems legit.” I responded. Then I looked around the room, only to see hundreds, if not thousands, of wood splinters on the floor. I turned to the door and noticed that there were two metal hooks protruding from each door, that would most likely hold a wooden barrier to bar the doors closed. And they were sticking at odd angles. The door hadn’t been unlocked. “Did I really kick that hard?” “Eeyup.” “Wow.” “Eeyup.” I looked to where they all stood, or flew in Rainbow Dash’s case. They were stood around a strategy table with a map of Canterlot dotted with troop positions on top. I skidded over to the map. One glance told me all I needed to know. “This plan is a load of shit.” Everypony was taken aback by this. “WHAT!?” Luna burst out. “Simple. You have divided your forces into three parts, two of which would be easily enclosed, and the Captain’s segment are in the open. Sombra is not a slow moving army bound to only two dimensions of battle. He is a near unstoppable force that can move at dizzying speeds, become intangible at will, and also fly.” “Oh, like you have a better plan.” Luna countered. I gave my best shit-eating grin and responded smugly. “Yes, in fact, I do.” A minute later, I had come up with a new plan of attack, just as Sombra was just about finished with the remaining contingent of guards at the wall. Hopefully, casualties were kept to a minimum. Thankfully, Shining mysteriously had armour to fit a humanoid and what would be considered to the equines a long sword. I quickly put the armour on and prepared to do battle with Sombra. “Red leader, standing by.” I said, the reference being obvious. Unfortunately, it was lost on the equines. “Red one, standing by.” Said Twilight. “Red two, standing by.” Came Rarity. “Red three, standing by.” Came Rainbow Dash. “Red four, standing by.” Came the surprisingly firm voice of Fluttershy. “Red five, standing by.” Said Applejack, the lucky mare. Why did I make her red five? I wanted to be Skywalker. “Red six, standing by.” Pinkie more shouted than spoke. “Gold squadron, report in.” I addressed the princesses. Luna rolled her eyes, but I would be damned if I wasn’t going through with this reference. “Gold leader, standing by.” Celestia said with a slightly mirthful tone. “Gold one, standing by.” Said an annoyed Luna. “Excellent. Now let’s go kick Sombra’s ass.” I stood atop of the wall, staring at Sombra who was a good two hundred metres away in unicorn form, floating above the rubble of the destroyed section of wall. I drew my sword and charged ahead at full speed. I leapt into the air as far as my legs would propel me when I reached where the wall crumbled, coming high above Sombra and bringing my sword into a striking position, ready to decapitate him. If this didn’t work, well, I had planned for that. Sombra was going down this day. Nothing was going to stop me now.