Warm water dripped down my nose as I glanced back at myself in the mirror. The image of a freshly shaved man stared back. Without thinking, I ran my fingers along my chin, just feeling the smoothness. I couldn’t help but grin at the feeling. Having a little facial hair is nice and all, but god damn, having a freshly shaved face feels awesome.
Satisfied with my work, I pulled a towel off the nearby rack and made my way out of the bathroom while drying my face. The bathroom door let out a satisfying hiss and click as it automatically closed behind me. With my face clean and dry, I sauntered over to my wardrobe where a domestic was waiting for me with my new red dress shirt and beautifully crafted blazer.
“Unit, would you kindly send an attendance notification to Novas one and two?” I ordered.
The domestic gave a single nod. “Yes, sir.”
“Thank you.”
Trading the towel for the dress shirt, I couldn’t help but admire the blazer that Rarity had put together for me. Seriously, it was a thing of beauty, and as a guy who went to a school where a suit was the uniform for five years, I would know a thing or two about appreciating a fine blazer.
Sure, it looked like a regular blazer at first, but Rarity included this cape-like thing that hung around the left shoulder and covered most of the arm, with this red decoration around it that matched my shirt. It even had legitimate pockets - both interior and exterior! Not like those stupid things they made back home that only had flaps covering sewn up pockets. Who the fuck came up with that anyway?
But the best part? She made it out of nanofibre. That stuff’s tough to work with already, but to make such an amazing piece of clothing out of it for me? My appreciation for her work went straight through the fucking roof. And this is coming from someone who doesn’t give two fucks about fashion!
As I reached into the wardrobe for my black silk tie, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to Rose and what happened a few days ago. That whole episode with her scared the absolute living fuck out of me. I’m just glad she didn’t do anything drastic, like kill the Crusaders. She’s willing to do all manner of things just to prove a point.
It’s really weird, actually. You could call Rose all sorts of names and insults and she wouldn’t give even a fraction of a fuck. She’d just brush you off like a stray hair. But if you have a death wish, calling her a calculator is the easiest way to have it granted. I should know: I found that out the hard way.
It was in the garage where I was just talking to this one pony - a local DJ called Vinyl Scratch - and the conversation somehow turned towards Rose. She was a pretty nice mare who had some genuine questions, so I felt no harm in answering them. At some point, I told her that Rose also doubled as “the best calculator ever.” Rose didn’t say anything at the time, but come the next morning, instead of a domestic waking me up with a tray of fresh waffles, she… well…
Rose electrocuted me.
It didn't hurt too badly, but it definitely woke me right the fuck up. I knew she hated being compared to a VI, but it was only then that I learned of her absolute hate for the title of calculator, and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague ever since. Unfortunately, not everyone got the memo.
With the blazer all buttoned up and looking snazzy, I was in the middle of admiring myself in the mirror mounted on the inside of the wardrobe’s door when the elevator opened and the two Novas walked out, saluting to me as they entered.
It feels awesome when they do that.
“You called, sir?” one of them asked me. I couldn’t tell which, though. Save for the number on their shoulder, there wasn’t really much to identify one from the other
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “Nova one, I want you to go down to the hangar and prep the Raven for takeoff. Nova two, open a communications channel with Rose.”
With a quick nod from each, Nova one returned to the elevator while Nova two’s eye glowed blue and started speaking in Rose’s voice.
“Is something the matter?” she immediately asked me.
“No, not at all. But the Gala starts in…” I checked my watch. “... thirty minutes and I was just wondering when you and the girls were gonna get here.”
“A little while longer, I’m afraid. Everyone is largely ready, but Rarity is fussing over hair details - mine in particular.”
Despite my attempts at holding it back, a slight snicker managed to escape my lips.
“What?” she hissed at me through the Nova.
I stifled my laughter and cleared my throat. “Nothing. Anyway, I sent Nova one down to prepare the Raven, so we’ll be ready to go by the time you all get here.”
“If we get there.”
“Heheheh… Alright, I’ll let you get back to hair problems. See you in a bit.”
Nova two’s eye turned back to its usual yellow. It was fairly typical of Rose to do that - never say any sort of “goodbye” or “see you later” after a conversation through a Liandri. Or ever, for that matter. Oh well, I was used to it.
Turning my attention back to my attire, I hummed thoughtfully to myself as I tried to decide what little nicknacks I was going to bring with me to the Gala. Since this is going to be a big, formal thing, I’m going to assume that the nobles go just to impress each other. A big dick contest, I guess. Fucking aristocrats… Oh well, shouldn’t be too hard to stand above them all. Hell, I’m impressive looking enough as it is.
After a few moments of deliberation, I settled on taking a pair of sunglasses and an electronic cigar. The sunglasses were, of course, so I could fuck with people. I keep them on, I take them off, show them a glowing eye, briefly scare them, then put them back. Ohhh, I’m looking forward to that! And the cigar… Well, smoking a cigar is a classy thing, right? I’ve never had one before, electronic or otherwise, but I’ll be damned if I won’t look awesome. I’m just glad we got the gel mixture right.
Pretty sure we did, anyway.
After making sure to stuff our Gala tickets in with everything else, I beckoned Nova two to follow me and called the elevator. Considering how far down it started, it took a fair bit of time for the elevator to actually show up, and my eyes had wandered over to the holographic display of myself on the far wall. For some reason or another, I decided to put that thing together as a set of reminders. My old heart and eye were stored in stasis containers and put in their anatomically correct positions on the hologram. One of my favorite things about it was that the container holding the heart sends a current through it, causing it to beat even though it’s no longer a part of my body.
To be honest, I’m surprised it’s still going…
Eventually, the elevator arrived and my lengthy ride down began. In hindsight, making the hangar something akin to an oversized rectangular missile silo probably wasn’t the best idea. But then again, why would I design aircraft that couldn’t take off and land vertically? Just seems like a waste if you could’ve but didn’t. Plus it saves space above ground. Fuck knows the Mayor wasn’t happy with the amount of land I carved out for myself to begin with…
The elevator hissed open when it finally reached the hangar’s ground level, and from there, it was just a short walk to the hangar itself. Just as I had asked Nova one to do, the Raven had been fired up and parked smack in the middle of the hangar floor, ready to take us up. It was even parked lengthwise, too, which made it look all that much more impressive. Especially with its black and dark green paint job, with the Liandri logo stamped on the side.
The Raven, of course, was a dropship style aircraft with a rear facing cargo door that doubled as a ramp. It still used a hybrid gravity engine / Tarydium propulsion system, but it’s way bigger than, say, the Raptor. And for a very good reason, mind you. This thing has seating for about two dozen Liandri in the cargo hold, but it could a lot more if the rest stood, and it could carry well over seventy tons suspended from the back in a PCE lock. Pretty neat stuff, actually! It’s our first success at replicating “magical levitation.” Of course, the whole mechanism isn’t as elegant as, say, a unicorn horn, and it can’t really do much besides keep an object suspended beneath itself, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Unfortunately for me, Rose & Co probably weren’t going to be showing up for a little while yet, so I had to figure out some way to kill time. Sadly, Rose refused to allow me to install solitaire in the Raven’s systems, so that was out. Reviewing the Raven’s takeoff protocols was an option… Boring, and Rose was probably gonna do it herself in a matter of seconds anyway, but it was something.
Maybe I could use the time to figure out why I have such difficulty wasting time when I’m on my own?
Some twenty minutes later, while I was busy playing with the blinking lights on the Raven’s control panel, one of the Reds poked its head into the cockpit and told me that Rose and the girls were coming down the elevator.
Fucking finally…
Lifting myself out of the pilot’s chair, I swung around and exited the Raven through the cargo bay. It’s the only real way to get in and out of it anyway. It’s also not exactly furnished or comfortable, either, with seating for humanoids only along the walls. It’s no flying limousine, that’s for sure, but at least it’ll get us from A to B. Plus the outside looks nice.
“Hey, stand out here and look presentable, would ya?” I addressed the two Novas sitting patiently just inside the cargo bay with a snap of my fingers. With a quick nod of their heads, the two Liandri complied and stood at attention at the base of the cargo ramp.
Now that the Reds were in position, I calmly made my way towards the hangar entrance. The elevator would bring the girls down to this level faster than I would be able to get to the door, so I settled with waiting just inside the hangar to give as good a presentation as I could.
It didn’t take very long before I could hear their voices happily chatting amongst each other through the door. I cleared my throat, extended my arms out, and when the door opened, I boomed in the most impressive voice I could muster: “Welcome, Ladies! Your chariot awaaaaaiiiiii…”
And that’s when I saw her. The words just died in my throat. The ponies all looked nice in their dresses and done up hair, don’t get me wrong, but Rose…
A scarlet red dress clung to her from neck to ankles, but left most of her back exposed. It would have been too tight to even walk in, if it wasn’t for the slit that started half-way down her left thigh. Diamond-like gems were embroidered in an elegant pattern along her chest and neck. Her jet-black hair had been split into three different parts: curled hair hung loose on either side of her head with an intricately woven braid in the back, all of which was adorned with a rainbow of gems. She even managed to get a pair of bright red high heel shoes from somewhere.
The entire time I gawked at her, she just smiled at me… It wasn’t some mischievous smile, or a smirk, or something else like that. It was an actual, softly spoken smile.
Was this really her? Was this really the Virtual Intelligence I wrote in my parents’ garage? The Artificial Intelligence I carried to Equestria on a hard drive in my pocket?
My senses were finally returned to me when Rarity bumped against my side surprisingly hard, damn near making me fall over. “Do you like what you see?” she asked, giving me a smile that couldn’t have been slimier if she dumped a vat full of jelly all over herself.
It was only then that I noticed the whole lot of them were giggling at me. I gave her a quick, split second glare before looking back to Rose with a smile of my own. “I do, I actually. Rose, you look amazing.”
Now Rose’s smile turned sly. Her heels clicked against the hanger’s hard floor as she sauntered up to me. With one hand, she smooshed my cheeks together and said, “I’m glad you think so,” before brushing past me. The ponies giggled again at the display and followed after her, leaving my stunned ass where it was standing.
It took me a second to restart my brain, but I eventually shook it off. I have to admit, they all looked pretty damn good. From what I heard, most of them decided to wear the same dresses they wore to the last Gala, just to avoid any hassle. And by most of them, I mean all of them - except Rarity.
Twilight’s dress was a nice shade of blue, embroidered with white stars along its hem and her hoof-shoes. Pinkie Pie’s dress was, unsurprisingly, pink. Very pink. With candy laced into it, somehow… Applejack’s was very country-esque, with images of apples laced in at key points. She even had these need little cowboy boots on her front hooves. Fluttershy’s dress almost looked like it was made from giant leaves, with a large, blue butterfly emblem across her chest and little flowers stuck in her mane. Rainbow Dash (whom I’m surprised they actually managed to get into a dress in the first place) had a rainbow colored dress with a hem that resembled clouds. She also had a… holy shit, is that a golden laurel? Where the fuck does Rarity even get these things?
Rarity herself, however, looked like she took a less extravagant route than what she would normally do. Her dress was indigo and hemmed with gold, sporting a golden saddle as well. Unlike the others’ dresses, hers left her curly tail exposed, making the whole getup less voluminous. The neckline of the dress was bordered with golden feathers, and her hair was done up in what I could only describe as layers of large weaves that somehow managed to stand up under their own weight.
Spike, apparently, had decided not to come. According to him, trouble always seemed to follow Twilight and her friends whenever some big thing was going down, and the Gala would be no exception. He also said he didn’t want to be a part of a repeat of last year. Whatever the fuck he meant by that...
By the time I caught up to them, the ponies were all in the middle of admiring the Raven, though I heard a number of comments directed towards how big it was.
“So this is the reason why you didn’t want us to rent a carriage tonight?” Rarity asked. By the tone of her voice, it sounded like she was expecting something more extravagant.
“Sure is,” I answered. “I mean, why pay some stallions to drag us all the way up to Canterlot in a carriage when we can fly there in this?” I bounced past the Novas and held my arms out towards the inside of the Raven with a bow. “Please, after you.”
Rose was the first to get in, making a beeline for the cockpit. Everyone else entered after glancing around to allow their eyes to absorb as much as they could. Rarity didn’t seem impressed by the lack of comfort or furnishings, but fuck it, we weren’t going to be in here for very long anyway. The Novas were the last to enter, taking their seats next to the door just as the Raven’s engines began to warm up.
With all the welcoming done, I took a seat next to the Novas to wait until Rose announced takeoff. Twilight didn’t seem content to just let me sit in silence and came up to me, smiling just as brightly as ever. “You know, you really look nice in that suit. I’m guessing Rarity made it for you?”
My head perked up at the compliment. “Oh! Thank you! Yeah, she did. She made it out of nanofibre, actually. Very comfortable, too.”
“I hope it is! By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you a few questions about these new Liandri of yours.” Twilight gestured towards the Novas. “I remember seeing one during that whole Gabby Gums panic, but I never got the chance.”
“What, the Novas?” I pointed a thumb in the same direction. “Oh, they’re special. They’re like the Blues, except way better. And they’re going to be accompanying us as guards on our little trip to Canterlot.”
Twilight gave me a confused look. “Guards? Why would you want to bring guards? There’s going to be plenty of royal guards there to keep the peace. I don’t see why you would need to bring your own.”
“Protocol,” I said with a shrug. “We don’t know exactly how competent the royal guards are, so whenever we go somewhere far from the facility, at least one person needs to be armed.”
Twilight gave me a skeptical look. For a few seconds, I was afraid she was going to ask me if I was armed when we went to Canterlot for that Hearth’s Warming Eve play. To be honest, I did have an Enforcer in my coat pocket at the time, but thankfully, she avoided that discussion altogether. “Okaaay… But then where do they keep their-”
“Is everyone ready back there?” Rose called from the cockpit, the Raven’s engines kicking into gear.
“Yeah, we’re all set!” I called back, though quickly added, “Oh, could you keep the door open until we get outside? I love this part!”
Applejack blinked at me. “Huh? Ready for what? What part?”
A giant grin split my face as I stood up and grabbed onto a hand hold on the low hanging ceiling of the Raven. “This part.”
As if on cue, the entire aircraft shuddered into motion, and the loud hum of the gravity engines outside signaled our ascent. While most of them were startled, Applejack practically jumped out of her skin and immediately braced herself, spreading all of her legs out. “What in tarnation was that?!”
“We’re going up,” I said as I pointed outside the cargo door, where the walls of the hangar were inarguably moving downwards.
Aside from Pinkie Pie bouncing up and down in place, shrieking “This is so cool!”, everybody remained silent as the Raven ascended up and out of the aperture in the roof, which started automatically closing behind us. What was really nice was that we managed to get one last good look at the sun just peeking over the horizon before Rose brought the cargo door up. With us firmly encased in a flying metal box, the Raven lurched forward en route to our destination.
Now that we were really on our way, Twilight poked me in the leg, causing me to look down at her quizzical face. “You never answered my question…”
I blinked. “I didn’t? Oh… Well I guess we kinda got interrupted there… What was your question, again?”
“You said those Liandri are armed, right? But they don’t look like they’re armed.”
“Ooohh. Right. Lemme show you.” I turned to everyone else. “Hey, random idea, but who wants to see one of these Liandri do a magic trick?”
Pinkie Pie immediately raised her hoof. “Me! Me! Me! I do! I do!”
Everybody just stared at her for a couple of seconds before looking back at me and voicing their own, calmer versions of saying “Sure, why not?”
Taking a position behind them, I called one of the Novas to stand in front of us. “Unit, hold your arms out and rotate three hundred and sixty degrees.” It did so. “Okay, I want you guys to keep track of exactly what it does and doesn’t have on its body. Ready? Unit, equip your ASMD Shock Rifle.”
As ordered, the Nova reached behind its back and, seemingly from right out of its ass, produced the item in question. Unlike the Link Gun, the Shock Rifle has a sleek, dark body with a lot of neon purple mixed in, although that coloration is mostly caused by the ammunition it uses.
The sounds of astonishment coming from the ponies was enough to keep my grin going, and I even heard Rainbow Dash say, “Hey, Pinkie! It can do that thing that you do!” though I didn’t really pay much attention to that since Twilight poked me again.
“Okay, what is that thing it’s holding? I’ve seen that before, but I never got a chance to learn what it was.”
“It’s called a Shock Rifle; our version of a non-lethal weapon,” I explained to her. “It’s designed to shock a victim’s nervous system - more specifically, their nerve endings. It causes them all to flare up in pain without causing physical damage, which is a pretty good way to incapacitate people if we’re being honest. The trick is that it hurts like hell, but it doesn’t kill you.”
“So that’s what that was…” she muttered, turning her gaze towards the cockpit.
Huh? What’s she talking about? I raised a brow and followed her gaze. “Uh, Twi? What’re you talking about?”
She shook her head to clear the thought. “Nothing.”
Yeah, nothing my left ass cheek. Although before I could interrogate her more as to what “nothing” was, Rose called me into the cockpit.
“What’s going on?”
“We’ll be over the drop zone in sixty seconds,” she informed me. “Do me a favor and move everyone away from the door.”
“Shit, that was fast,” I commented before stepping back into the cargo hold. “Alright everyone, we’re almost there. We just need to do a little something before we land, so I need you all to stand clear of the door.”
“Whoa, wait, we’re there already?” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously.
“Yeah, how about that?” I beckoned them all near me while the two Novas took their positions a few steps away from the door.
With everything set, the cargo door began opening on its own. The sound of rushing wind immediately assaulted us, and even some of Canterlot’s taller buildings could be seen below. The sun wasn’t in view, though it was dark enough now that it probably went completely down already.
“Alex, what’s going on?!” Twilight yelled at me over the whooshing of wind. “Why is the door open while we’re still moving?!”
“We’re just dropping the Novas off first to make sure the landing zone is clear! Also to let Celestia’s guards know we’re here!” I yelled back.
“Huh?! But then why are we still flying?!”
Right on cue, the Novas simultaneously bolted towards the open cargo door. In one fluid motion, the Reds bent their torsos forward, threw themselves into a backflip, then twisted their bodies mid-air so that their fronts were facing downwards, all before disappearing into the void beneath the aircraft. The door immediately closed behind them.
I grinned towards Twilight, whose mouth was hanging open in… surprise? Shock? I have no idea, but she definitely wasn’t expecting them to just leap out of a moving aircraft like that. “Because we’re literally dropping them off, heheh.”
Shortly after, our bodies were hit with a surprising G-force as Rose performed a hard bank, forcing everyone to regain their balance. Everyone’s yelps of surprise was enough for Rose to apologize from the cockpit for the sudden bank and deceleration. I was kind of expecting it, though. Rose and I had to go through of a whole bunch of bureaucratic bullshit earlier with Celestia and her Gala organizers about using the Raven. They wanted us to “properly” announce ourselves by doing a lap around the palace airspace, just so the princess would know when we arrived. It was more hoops than I would’ve liked, sure, but it’s only an extra minute or so.
Eventually, we began our final approach and the Raven soon stopped moving altogether. Or at least, it felt like it. With the cargo door closed, I had no way of knowing when we were on the ground until I heard the loud, metallic crunch of the landing gear meeting something hard. A moment later, the main engines whirred down and Rose finally exit the cockpit to meet us.
“We have arrived,” was all she said before the cargo door opened up again, revealing some kind of palace courtyard. The two Reds stood off to either side, their hands already up in a salute. Further away, standing next to a giant pair of wooden doors was a handful of Celestia’s guards, wearing that golden armor of theirs. They also looked like they just had their minds blown.
Rose motioned her hands towards the outside while looking at the girls. “After you.”
Everyone filed out of the Raven, chatting amongst themselves. I came out last, slowly taking in my surroundings. It was a quaint little courtyard. Open, not much in the way of walls, fences, or even plants. It looked more like a giant patio than anything else, one that looked over Canterlot and had a pretty decent view of the Ponyville valley, too. Looming over all of it, in the direction of the ass end of the Raven was the Royal Palace itself, with the big wooden doors and their guards bridging the connection.
Once I was off, the Raven’s cargo ramp started closing behind me, and Nova two immediately followed in my footsteps, intent on keeping watch over me until we got home. Likewise, the other Nova followed Rose just as closely. Gotta love personal bodyguards, especially the cybernetic kind. Sure, they probably weren’t necessary, but they’re still nice to have around.
“Greetings!” one of the guards cheered at us as our parade marched up to the palace doors. He was one of those generic, white pegasus guards, although unlike the others, he was doing a much better job of not giving a fuck. “On behalf of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, I would like to formally welcome Miss Twilight Sparkle and her…”
And that’s when he fully turned his eyes to me, Rose, and the two Reds standing behind us.
He’s hesitating.
He’s fucking hesitating.
“... friends,” he finally finished.
Yeah that’s right, you little fuck…
It was only a little hesitation, mind you. No more than a second, and the girls didn’t really seem to notice. But I sure as fuck did.
Keeping to his routine, he turned back towards the girls with his previous vigor. “I trust you all have your Gala tickets?”
Everyone expressed their confirmation and fished out their tickets from wherever it was they were keeping them, and I did the same. One by one, the girls handed him their tickets and they headed on inside. I gave him Rose’s and mine and we followed in after them.
“Excuse me, sir, but you’re missing a pair of tickets,” the guard called after me.
Wait, what? I looked back over at him and raised an eyebrow. Even the girls took notice and stopped, curious to see what was going on. I already gave him our tickets, so what the hell is he talking about?
“Your two other companions, sir,” he elaborated, pointing towards the Novas that were, mind you, already inside the door. “I need their tickets as well.”
I could feel my jaw slowly dropping. Is he fucking serious? He wants tickets for the Reds too? I hate having to play this card, especially around Rose, but… “Them? The Novas? They’re machines. They’re a walking assortment of objects that comply with any order I give them. They’re not gonna enjoy themselves. Hell, they can’t enjoy themselves. Why do they need tickets?”
The guard still seemed to hold his confidence. “I am simply following orders, sir. One ticket for every po… er… individual.”
Now I didn’t want to start complaining, but this was some really stupid shit. Thankfully, before I could up and say anything too stupid, Rose put her hand on my shoulder and whispered. “Allow me.”
Before I could voice anything else, Rose gingerly approached the guard. “I understand that you have your orders, as well as your protocols, but understand that we have our own. Under Liandri security protocol zero dash twelve, all high priority personnel - that is to say, Alex and myself - must be accompanied by at least one Liandri security bot at all times within a foreign environment, or possess some means of defending themselves within those same circumstances. Rest assured that these Liandri will cause no trouble, and will do little else than stand around for the sake for personal security.”
Aha! The ol’ Make Something Sound More Important Than It Actually Is And They’ll Drop The Whole Thing trick! I have to admit, Rose definitely plays it up better than I ever could. After getting beaten over the head with that amount of cold, hard logic, there’s no way he would even try arguing against it!
“I’m sorry ma’am, but orders are orders. I need their tickets.”
Sweet mother of fuck, are you serious?
“My apologies, but is there some sort of problem?” an eerily familiar voice spoke from somewhere behind me.
It didn’t click immediately, since it had been at least several months since I last saw the owner of that voice, but I didn’t need to guess at it since the girls all simultaneously gasped and chorused “Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” My heart practically skipped a beat at that. You see, I knew those two were hanging around somewhere (they had to be, considering it was their party), but I was at least hoping I wouldn’t run into them this quickly.
I practically spun in place to face them. Celestia was wearing her usual attire, but I couldn’t say I was familiar the mare standing next to her. She was a dark blue pony, taller than most, with both wings and a horn. Her mane was indescribably eye-catching: ethereal and flowing, just like Celestia’s, although it was translucent and dotted with what I could only describe as tiny stars. To top it all off, she had the image of a crescent moon plastered on her rear.
Huh… So that must be Luna…
“Ah Celestia, Luna, pleasure to see you both,” Rose said, completely unfazed by their sudden arrival. “Yes, we do have a bit of an issue here. Your guard refuses to allow our own guards entry under grounds that non-sapient mechanical constructs require their own tickets. Perhaps you would be willing to assist in that regard?”
I wasn’t exactly expecting too much to come from that request, but to my surprise, Celestia simply smiled and said, “Of course. Guards, please allow their guards entry to the Gala.”
“As you wish, your highness,” the guard saluted and then went right back to being a statue, staring out into the courtyard.
On some level, I find it impressive how he can just drop something like that at the tip of a hat.
“I apologize for any inconvenience you may have felt,” Celestia said, giving us her sincerest smile. “I am glad you could all make it, though.”
“Of course, princess!” Twilight chirped. “I know the last Gala wasn’t all that great, but we wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“I’m glad to hear it!” Celestia turned to me next. “And I would like to extend the warmest welcome I can to you and Rose, Alexander. To be honest, news of your visit genuinely surprised me! I’m glad you were able to come.”
For some reason, I decided now was a good time to slip my sunglasses on. “Well, the tickets were offered, and Rose thought it would be an interesting experience; at the very least.”
For some reason, she seemed to chuckle at that. “Hopefully not too interesting. Now then, I’m sure you’re all eager to get to the party proper. It’s just this way.”
Celestia pointed us in the right direction and we all marched on as a group. Rose saw fit walk next to Luna and talk about one thing or another while I hung back behind everyone else. Or at least, I would have if Celestia didn’t hold a wing out to interupt me. I’ll admit, that gesture may or may not have scared the living fuck out of me. It was the kind of feeling you get in school where the class gets let out early but the teacher asks you to stay behind and you have no idea why. Thankfully, the Nova’s metallic footsteps reminded me just who was watching my back.
“Alexander, I understand that my presence makes you feel uneasy, and I wish to apologize,” she started off.
“It’s okay, you really don’t have anything to apologize for,” I said truthfully, brushing her wing aside and walking after the others with the Nova hot on my heels.
Celestia followed after me, and seemed to make a conscious effort to keep the others out of earshot. “I know, but I feel the need regardless. I understand that you believe politicians in your world were not very trustworthy, and I understand that you must think similarly of me. I don’t want you to have such a negative opinion of me based on actions I did not commit, and would like to be your friend if at all possible.”
“I see…” I gave her my best skeptical look. She has to be playing at something. “And why now, all of a sudden?”
She sighed deeply, seemingly disappointed with herself. “Because it’s something I should have done long ago. I’m going to be entirely honest with you, and I must insist that you do not breathe a word of this to Twilight or her friends.” Now that caught my attention, and caused me to stop altogether. “Equestria is in dire need of change, and I realize that you are the only one that can provide it. I’ve known this ever since I first met you and Rose in the library.”
After slowly lowering my glasses, my eyes scanned her entire face. I may not be an expert on equine facial features, but I couldn’t deny that she looked desperate. “What exactly are you talking about…?”
She briefly hesitated before giving me an answer. “I… cannot give you details right now… But know that you are far more important to Equestria than you realize, and I would like to support you and your endeavors as much as I can.” She extended a hoof out to me. “Would you grant me your trust in this?”
Looking down at her hoof, I narrowed my eyes. Yeah, she’s definitely playing some game, and believes that I’m some important piece, too. But do I really want to get involved in whatever shit she’s in…?
Aaaahhhh fuck it all.
Slipping my sunglasses back into place, I grabbed her hoof and shook it. “Alright, I’ll be your friend. Just don’t mess around with my Liandri and we’ll get along just fine.”
This managed to bring her smile back. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Tia!” cried a voice from down the hall. “Art thou coming, or not!”
“Coming, Luna!” she called back, announcing our intention of catching up to them. While we were walking, she suddenly added, “Oh, and before I forget; I must commend you on your construction of The Galleon. It’s a fantastic airship with qualities I can’t say I’ve seen anywhere else.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh? You’ve been aboard The Galleon?”
She smirked at me. It was the kind of shit-eating smirk that says she knows something I don’t. “Oh, I haven’t just been aboard The Galleon. I bought it.”
Just picture something for a minute. Imagine you’re running along the sidewalk. Maybe you’re out for an afternoon jog, or maybe you’re sprinting for your life, but you’re just running along, minding your own business.
Now imagine you getting hit in the face with a shovel out of nowhere - hit so hard, in fact, that you practically flip over and land on your neck.
Yeah, that’s how I felt when she said that.
“Wait, you bought it?”
“Mhm,” she hummed with a nod of her head.
Struggling to find words, I eventually stammered out, “But… But why?”
She smiled. “I told you: I am in support of you and your endeavors. I may not be a frequent flyer of airships, but I knew the money could do nothing but help you and Rose.”
Wow… I… damn… If she bought The Galleon just so she could support my and Rose’s activities, then holy shit, she must really committed to the whole being on my good side thing.
“Huh…” I stared straight ahead as we caught up to the others, who were all gathered around the entryway of some giant ballroom that already had a ton of other ponies inside. I had no idea what to think or say, so my mouth went straight to autopilot. “I have to admit, Princess, that this certainly puts a new light on things… Thank you for that, uh… interesting conversation.”
She just smiled and nodded at me in return.
To be honest, it definitely was high time I stopped worrying about her. I was worried so much before since she was the one funding the the first Core and EMC. She could have very well pulled the plug on everything then and left me and Rose dead in the water. She didn’t, though. And now our facility is so expansive, self sufficient, and guarded that she wouldn’t be able to shut us down even if she wanted to. The time to be cautious about her was definitely over. And besides...
The Liandri bow to no one.
“There you are!” Twilight said just loud enough to talk over the chatter from the ballroom without yelling. “What were you two talking about?”
Waving her question off, I declared, “Nothing too important, really. Just putting each other on better terms.” I turned to address the entire group and clapped my hands together. “Alright! Now I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting thirsty, so I’m going to go find a bar. Anyone else wanna join me?”
Pinkie Pie’s hoof immediately shot up. “Oh! I do I do!”
“Excellent! Twilight, how about you join us?”
She just blinked at me. “Huh? But I’m not-”
I held up my hand to stop her and added, “Please. I actually need your input on a little something.”
“Oh!” her gaze briefly flashed over to Celestia behind me. “Um… Alright, I guess I’ll come too.”
“Très bien!” I cheered, with an extra clap of my hands. “Let’s go! Rose, you know how to find me!”
Without even checking to make sure Pinkie and Twilight were following, I marched into the ballroom with gusto. I looked around the room at the collection of well dressed (or supposedly well dressed, I couldn’t tell) ponies milling about. With their top hats and monocles and glittery dresses and upturned noses… The very air was infused with pompous douchebaggery.
Why the fuck did I come here, again?
And that’s when it started. Of course, in Ponyville, everyone and their dog knows who Rose and I are at this point. Standing out wasn’t exactly difficult for me, especially when I literally stood over them all. This ballroom was no exception. Except for the fact that none of these ponies ever saw me before.
It started with the nearest ones. One pony took a look at me, nudged his friend, and soon enough their entire group conversation halted to start staring at me like a bunch of deer about to be collectively hit by a train in a dark tunnel. The effect only accelerated from there, and in only about twenty seconds or so, every pony in the room had decided to start gawking at the sharply dressed biped wearing sunglasses. Even the fucking orchestra on the stage took notice of the silence and stopped playing to see what everyone was so preoccupied with.
“Wooow, they’re all staring at you!” Pinkie Pie pointed out like it was some sort of achievement.
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock…
Now I’m sure there’s many ways one can go about dealing with a situation like this. It’s a room filled with a bunch of wealthy ponies, most of whom probably hold an important position or another within society. I imagine someone would probably awkwardly wave, maybe even say “hi” while they’re at at. Or maybe even just turn right around and pretend they never walked in in the first place.
Me? I didn’t see a collection of wealthy ponies. Instead, I saw pompous bags of meat who thought that their money - money they were probably born into anyway - gave them some sort of power or sense of entitlement. I saw individuals who wouldn’t have a hope of realizing that true power comes from knowledge; the understandings of the fundamental machinations of the universe. I saw a room full of individuals who were beneath me, yet most likely thought the same of myself.
With their eyes all fixed on me, I calmly cleared my throat and fished out my electronic cigar from my blazer’s inside pocket. After pressing the button to turn it on, I brought it up to my lips and took a single, long drag. Bringing my cigar arm down, I slowly exhaled a large cloud of smoke. Taking in one final breath, I vented all of my instant frustrations with them in one solid yell: “And just what the hell are you all looking at?!”
Suddenly keenly aware of their staring, they all quickly turned away to get back to their conversations, though in harsh, probably judging whispers.
“That’s what I fucking thought,” I muttered to myself as I walked through the crowd that dispersed at my approach. The small four pony orchestra restarted playing, so at least I had that.
Yeah, it may not have been the best first impression, but I relish opportunities to put people in their place; especially rich people who think they’re just sooo important and powerful for no other reason than because they have money. Fuck ‘em.
On the plus side, I was able to see over them all and spot the bar I was looking for. Behind me, I could hear Pinkie’s and Twilight’s hooves clopping quietly next to the louder metallic clanks of the Nova, and soon enough, I sat myself down at one of the bar’s stools. Both the bar and its stools were just a little too short for my liking, but I made do. Twilight sat next to me on my left, while Pinkie sat on her other side. The Nova, true to its programming, remained standing behind me, roughly between Twilight and myself, and lording over everything near and far like a hawk.
“Alex, are you okay?” Twilight asked me.
Looking over at her, perplexed, I answered, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
Her eyes seemed to flutter between the crowd behind us and myself. “It just… seemed like an aggressive way to deal with that situation back there… at least to me.”
I scoffed and took another drag of my cigar. “As far as I’m concerned, Twi, if they don’t give me any respect, then they hardly deserve any from me.”
She eyed me critically. “Uhuh… I see… And since when do you smoke, anyway? Didn’t you once tell me that type of thing causes addiction and terminal illnesses?” My only response was to grin and blow a large puff of smoke at her, which she instantly recoiled at, waving her hooves around in an attempt to dissipate the cloud. “Ugh! Alex! Why’d you do that?! That’s… that’s…” she paused in her flailing, now sniffing the air. “Wait… that smell… is that-”
Pinkie Pie suddenly shoved her head right past Twilight and took a bigger sniff than I think was even supposed to be possible, ending with an expression of pure bliss on her face. “Mmmmm, vanilla!” Her eyes snapped open and eyed my cigar like she would a tantalizing cupcake. “Heeey, whatchu got there?”
Of course, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her. Holding the cigar up for both of them to see, I explained, “It’s an electronic cigar. I’m not actually smoking tobacco, but a water-based gel laced with vanilla. It’s all the class of smoking a cigar, but without the nicotine addiction or lung cancer. As you can imagine, it also tastes pretty good.”
Pinkie gave a loud “OOOOOO!” before quickly asking if she could try it. I handed her the cigar (I still never figured out how ponies even managed to grab things with their hooves, other than Twilight’s “magic” explanation) whereupon she took the most impossibly long drag I’ll probably see from anyone ever in my entire life. When her lungs finally reached capacity, she held in her breath for what was probably twenty whole seconds with half lidded eyes before finally exhaling it all, shuddering while she did so like a drug addict in withdrawal finally getting the hit they so desperately needed. Although considering it was Pinkie, that statement probably wasn’t too far off from the truth…
The bartender even managed to get around to us during that time frame, and although he seemed professional enough to not look twice at me, he still gave Pinkie a really curious stare.
“Okay…” I said as I tentatively reached over and took the cigar from her. “Glad to see you liked it…”
While I was busy cleaning the end of the saliva covered cigar with the nearest napkin I could grab, the bartender, a brown haired stallion with a red vest and bowtie, turned to me and said, in what I could only describe as a subtle British accent, “Good evening, sir. What can I get you?”
“Hm? Oh!” I paused for a moment to realize what he’d asked me. “I’ll have some Dosanko Soda if you’ve got it.”
“Just a soft drink?” asked Twilight, genuinely surprised. “I’d have figured you’d go for a harder drink than that.”
“Ehh... Remember how pretty much most drugs I take have a near instant effect on me? Painkillers; caffeine; all that jazz? Well, alcohol is no different. That stuff goes straight to my head. It also seems to bring out my inner french Canadian for some reason… Anyway, what do you two want? I’m buying.”
Twilight ordered a simple mug of apple cider, while Pinkie sat there and hummed thoughtfully before finally saying, “I’ll have a drink that’s one part white rum, one part golden rum, one part dark rum, one part apricot brandy, one part pineapple juice, and one part lime juice. All shaken with ice, and topped with two ounces of 151-proof rum!”
...
Wait what?
Twilight gaped at her, voicing my exact thoughts. “Oh my gosh, Pinkie, since when do you drink things like that? Does that even have a name!?”
“Liver failure,” I coughed.
Pinkie scoffed and waved her hoof at us. “Since I stopped being a little filly, duh! And they’re called Skull Punchers! Not many barkeeps that know the recipe, though...”
With our orders taken, the bartender silently went to getting our drinks while I was busy picking my jaw back up off the floor. “Wow… I’m really confused, but I’m also slightly impressed…”
Pinkie just giggled, letting me know that she wasn’t exactly going to elaborate further on it.
Our drinks arrived soon after, and I paid the bartender the amount of bits he asked for. I threw in a generous tip too, just because he was being professional around me. We didn’t have very long to enjoy our drinks before a voice happily called from behind me: “Engie!”
Ahh, there’s only one pony who calls me that! I looked over my shoulder at the white mare with electric blue hair herself. I extended a fist out and she automatically bumped it with a hoof. “Vinyl Scratch. And here I was figuring you’d show up later.”
Unlike everyone else at the Gala, Vinyl seemed content to go without the fancy clothing, and even had her signature shades mounted on her head, though above her horn, exposing her crimson eyes. She wasted no time taking the other seat next to me. “Yeah, this kind of shin-dig isn’t really my thing. I’m only here right now because my mare-friend is playing on stage. She’s the one playing the cello.”
Out of sheer curiosity, I glanced at the stage to spot the mare in question. She seemed like a fancy mare, who had a grey coat and black mane. Kind of a surprise that those two were romantically involved, but hey, I wasn’t about to question it. At about that moment, Twilight leaned over and waved. “Hi there, Vinyl!”
“Oh hey, Twilight! What’s up?” Vinyl waved back.
“Just enjoying some cider. Say, I don’t mean to be rude, but how do you and Alex know each other?”
“She commissioned some speakers from me a while back,” I answered. “She’s also the one who offered me and Rose our Gala tickets so we could see them in action. In fact, they’re right up there.” I pointed towards the speakers in question, which were mounted on some kind of large metal scaffolding - the kind you’d see at a rock concert.
In fact, now that I was getting a good look at the construction, I was starting to get more and more worried. You see, I like to go above and beyond the call of duty, so when Vinyl asked me for speakers that could “go up to eleven,” I was more than happy to make them capable of going up to twelve. Needless to say, I built speakers capable of causing some serious damage, and this stage’s construction seemed dubious to me, at best. The scaffolding formed a neat box frame around the stage, and a lot of it seemed to be held in place by an excessive amount of steel cables - a few even stretched across the ceiling to the opposite wall, for some strange reason.
I don’t know who built it, but whoever they were, I don’t think they knew what they were doing.
Vinyl laughed to herself. “Heck yeah! This after party is gonna kick so much flank thanks to these babies!”
I held up my hand to interrupt her. “Yeah, Vinyl, I’m really not liking the way this stage looks put together. I know you’re gonna wanna go all out, but just do me a favor and don’t overcharge the speakers, alright? Looking at this setup, I’m afraid you’re literally gonna bring down the house if you do.”
Vinyl’s face suddenly turned from excited to heartbroken, “Aww come on, really?”
Nodding to her, I said, “Yeah. Those mounts look really sketchy, and I’m afraid it’s all just gonna fall apart if you push the sound too hard.”
She slouched in her seat and huffed. “Fine… Seriously killing my buzz here, dude… Yo barkeep, hit me up!”
“Thanks,” I said as I took a nice look sip of my drink. “I’d just rather be on the safe side, you know?”
After Vinyl ordered and received her beer, we enjoyed our drinks in relative silence for a few moments before Twilight spoke up. “So, what was that thing you wanted my input on?”
Putting my soft drink down, I asked her, “How much do you know about genetics?”
Twilight gave me a confused stare, like I was speaking gibberish. “About what?”
“You know, genetics!” I elaborated, waving my hands around. “The genome, genes, chromosomes, DNA, all that jazz. Google didn’t read any books on the subject in your library, so I figured I might as well ask if you knew anything.”
She stared at me like a deer in headlights, making my posture wilt.
“Shit, you don’t know anything, do you?”
The insinuation that there was an entire field of knowledge completely absent from her mind suddenly sparked a stream of words. “I-I’m sorry, but I don’t know what any of those things are! All those things you just mentioned are completely foreign to me!”
Fuck… I was hoping she would at least know something.
“But that doesn’t mean we don’t have an equivalent,” Twilight continued, noticing the look of disappointment I had on me. “Why don’t you give me a little explanation, and maybe we’ll see!”
“Hey, watchu guys talking about?” Vinyl suddenly asked, probably eager to get in on some conversation.
“Sciency things,” was my abrupt answer.
“Oh, yuck…” She quickly turned away. Apparently, the idea of learning something not related to music didn’t interest her too much. Oh well, at least that would give me and Twilight some time to talk undisturbed.
“Anyway…” I cleared my throat. “Genetics is the field that studies DNA, or deoxyribonucleic acid, which is essentially the fundamental building block of life. All living things - at least on Earth - have a genetic code, or genome, which is an incredibly long chain of sequenced DNA molecules that, in a nutshell, define what a living thing is. Different organisms have different sequences of DNA; so while humans have their own sequence of DNA, other living things that aren’t human have a different sequence, but it’s all based on those building blocks on that basic, fundamental level. Are you with me so far?”
Sadly, Twilight just stared at me in awe, which I really didn’t want. That familiar look in her eyes told me her mind was swimming with ideas and possibilities, but that also meant that she was learning something for the first time. With her unbelievably wide and unblinking stare, Twilight leaned into me and whispered, “Tell me more.”
“Well that’s the thing…” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. “I… don’t really know much else…”
That look. Twilight’s face immediately switched from full of hope to being full of shattered dreams, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hit me on an emotional level.
“You… You don’t know…?” she croaked.
“Sorry…” I sighed. “Rose and I are engineers and physicists; genetic biology isn’t really our strong suit, so we know next to nothing on genetics. Hell, what I told you was pretty much everything I learned on it from an entry level biology class I took ten years ago. Didn’t really feel like going further in that field.”
Twilight grabbed me by each of my shoulders and practically yelled, “But why?! What could be more interesting than the fundamentals of life itself?!”
“Yo Twi,” Vinyl interrupted from over my shoulder. She simply pointed a hoof towards the Nova and said: “Robots.”
Twilight gave Vinyl a blank stare for a few moments before looking at the Nova herself, who was staring back at Twilight over its shoulder.
“Oh…” She went back to sitting normally, and after taking a sip of her cider, added, “I guess I can see why you made that decision…” She suddenly perked up and squee’d. “But that means I now have an entirely new field of science to look into! Oh wait- you said you needed my help on something, right? Just out of curiosity, what exactly was it?”
Downing the rest of my drink and ordering another one, I started, “Alright, the genome is split up into different parts, called chromosomes, which come in pairs. The number of chromosomes varies, depending on the organism. Humans, for instance, have twenty three pairs of chromosomes, or forty six in all. Two of those chromosomes, or one pair, determine your sex, while the other ones, called autosomal chromosomes, define everything else like eye color, hair color - I’m sure you get the idea.”
Twilight nodded. “Okay, I can understand this.”
The bartender dropped off my second drink, though I ignored it for the time being. “Now, forty six chromosomes is the norm for humans, and, in fact, necessary. If, for some reason, you’re born missing a chromosome, chances are you’re going to die pretty early in life because your body doesn’t have the DNA to produce something that’s probably really important to keep you alive. Conversely, problems like having an extra chromosome can lead to genetic defects that cause physical and cognitive disabilities. Having too few is bad, and having too many is bad. You with me so far?”
“I’m following,” she ushered me along with her hoof.
While I really had no reason to lean in, since no one around us would have even given a fuck about the topic at hand, especially not Vinyl or Pinkie, I still felt some unconscious need to do exactly that and whisper to her what I was about to say.
“I don’t have forty six chromosomes.”
Twilight blinked at me, trying to wrap her head around the lesson I gave her, and the information I just provided. “You don’t…?”
“Nope,” I said with a shake of my head. “You see, while Rose and I are amateurs when it comes to this stuff, we still have the tech to expose and map my DNA sequence with no problems. Believe me when I say that my DNA is not normal.”
Now she was starting to look concerned. “Humans are supposed to have forty six chromosomes, right? If you don’t have that, then… how many do you have…?”
Rubbing my chin thoroughly, I let out a deep sigh. “From what we can tell, I have the one sex pair, but double the number of autosomal pairs.”
After a second of doing the math, Twilight’s eyes almost bulged out of head as she harshly whispered, “You mean you have ninety? If what you’re telling me is true, how is that even possible?”
“It shouldn’t be. By all accounts, I should have such severe genetic defects that I shouldn’t even be alive, but yet I’m a perfectly healthy human male. The worst part is, I haven’t the faintest idea why. Plus, we know so little about human genetics that we can’t even tell what’s supposed to be there and what isn’t. Every chromosome seems to be doing something, but we don’t know what, why, or how.”
“So you wanted my help to figure things out?”
I bobbed my head back and forth. “In a manner of speaking. We can use the supercomputer to cut time, but it’s only as good as Rose’s experience with a given subject. She’s an excellent engineer and can draw up her own schematics like nobody’s business, but this is something she’s just as clueless about as I am. I was kind of hoping you’d have some information that’d be able to give us something of a head start - like protein synthesis, or something.”
Twilight’s ears drooped down and she averted her eyes elsewhere. “Sorry… I really wish I could’ve been of more help…”
Giving her as comforting a pat on the back as I could, I told her, “It’s alright. Besides, I really wish I could tell you more about the subject myself. But you know what?” I took my fresh drink in my hand and raised it up to her. “How about a toast? Here’s to new prospects in an interesting new field!”
This gave her a brand new smile, and she raised her drink in her magic and placed it next to mine. “To new prospects!” With a short clinking of glasses, I took a nice long swig.
Except the pleasant, sugary fizzing that I was expecting wasn’t what hit my mouth. For some reason, this new drink tasted fruity and slightly sweet, mixed with some sort of odd taste that I was completely unfamiliar with.
Instead of spitting it back out - which wouldn’t exactly look good if I did - I forced the strange drink down my throat and eyed the glass skeptically. “Ugh, what the hell is this?”
Twilight perked a brow at me. “Huh? Something wrong?”
“Yo Engie, you alright?” asked Vinyl.
“Yeah, it’s this drink! It tastes like…” Before I could finish my sentence, an overwhelming sense of vertigo hit me head on. “Like… uughh…” An instant later, my vision began to very noticeably blur, and everything came out of focus. Twilight tried saying something, but I couldn’t make out what it was. It was as if she was trying to speak to me from the other side of a thick wall. I tried staring at my hand, but I could barely even feel the blurry double that my brain was vainly attempting to process; before it stopped processing altogether.
Twilight and Vinyl let out a chorused scream as Alex’s head impacted the bar, garning the attention of everypony nearby. Twilight covered her mouth with both hooves in utter shock, not knowing whether he was unconscious or dead. The Nova spun around at their yell, immediately leaning over Alex to press its metallic fingers against his neck.
Before any verdict on Alex’s health could be made, Pinkie Pie remarked, “Wow, I guess he really wasn’t kidding!”
All three of them turned to stare at Pinkie, with Twilight asking, “What do you mean?”
“He said he doesn’t drink alcohol, right?” Pinkie answered. “I just asked the barkeep to replace his soda with a Long island ice tea, just to show him that it isn’t that bad!”
In response, the Nova released Alex’s neck, reached over, and smacked Pinkie upside the head.