“Wait a moment.” Money Bags frowned as his eyes locked with Twilight’s. “What about the dragon?”
Twilight blinked. “Huh?”
“The dragon. You’ve talked about what you and your five pony friends did, but you haven’t mentioned your mailbox.”
“Spike?” Twilight shook her head. “Oh, well, he wasn’t doing anything important. Cleaning the house, buying some groceries, cooking… You know. I figured I didn’t need to explain it.”
“Hmm.” Money Bags tapped his hoof on the table. “So you felt the urge to explain in detail how you argued about who sleeps in which room, but you decided to leave the baby dragon completely out?”
“Yes, well. That’s kind of pretty normal.”
Money Bags blinked. “What?”
“Spike being in the background.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know where he is ninety percent of the time I spend adventuring. I usually assume he’s hiding under a table.” She licked her lips. “True, there are exceptions, but those usually happen because that adventure involves him specifically. Whenever we go on a real adventure, like the ones in which all six of us participate to save the world, he just…” Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know. He disappears?”
“That’s…” Money Bags coughed. “You know, I’m an economist, and even I find that cruel.”
“Eh. The truth hurts.” Twilight shook her head. “As I said, Spike didn’t really do anything while we were preparing for this week. I mean, he’s useful because he can breathe fire, but that doesn’t need any research or training, so he just… stood there.”
“So you’re asking me to assume he was hiding under a table.”
“Or cooking, yes. That’s mostly it.” Twilight looked to the side. “So let’s forget Spike completely. Now, moving on to the important parts, the next morning we were all pretty tired. Apparently, not even a good night’s sleep was enough to get over our first day in Canterlot …”
“So yesterday was completely wasted?” Twilight asked, levitating a spoonful of cereal to her mouth. “You didn’t do anything? At all?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say we didn’t do anything,” Fluttershy replied, looking at Dash. “We stood all day in front of the casino…”
“Yes, sure, that accomplished a lot!” Dash grouched. “We literally tried to get in that stupid place seventeen times! In a row!”
“And you didn’t even get past the threshold, hmm? That gives me hope about this whole plan,” Rarity said. “Did you try to flatter the guard? Maybe if you tell him he has gorgeous eyes or something he’ll let you pass.”
“He wore sunglasses,” Fluttershy said.
“Ooooh. Clever.” Rarity took a sip of tea, and her eyes widened. “Oh? Spikey, did you make this?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Spike poked his head from the kitchen’s door. “Just for you!”
“Well, I must say I’m grateful!” Rarity took another sip. “This is really good! You should make tea more often.”
Spike giggled and tried to hide his blush by looking at the floor. Kind of a useless move, because they could all see his face, but he tried anyway. “Aw, it’s nothing.”
“No, no, really, this is very good!” Rarity looked at Applejack with a coy smile. “You should try it.”
“Eh.” AJ looked at the red-faced dragon in the kitchen. “Can you make it taste like apples?”
Spike blinked, still blushing. “Uh… I think?”
“Good. Then Ah might try it.” Applejack squinted at Rarity. “Might.”
“Please, Applejack, stop trying to sabotage our robbery!” Rarity set the cup of tea back on the table. “I can’t believe you’re still acting like this!”
“Apple-flavored tea sounds good!” Pinkie said after swallowing the thousandth cupcake that morning. “That would help us a lot! Right, Twilight?”
“I guess?” Twilight shrugged. “If Rarity thinks Applejack needs to learn how to drink tea, I’m actually surprised she didn’t bring up apples sooner.”
“Yeah.” Pinkie chuckled. “It’s easy to convince Applejack to do things! You just need to throw an apple at her.”
“Hey!” AJ frowned at them. “You two! Ah’m not a dog that wags her tail at treats!”
“And that’s a good thing,” Rarity said, “because you’re not going to taste any apple tea while I’m still alive, dear.”
“Yeah! You heard th—wait what?” Applejack turned around to face Rarity. “Why not?! Ah want apples!”
Rarity arched an eyebrow. “So? You’re not getting any. Apple tea is such old news it’s not even vintage. If you ask for that in the casino, you can bet that hat of yours our cover will be blown immediately.”
Dash blinked. “Blown…? Ah! That’s it!” She grabbed Fluttershy by the shoulders with a huge grin. “Shy! I know how we’re getting in—”
“You’re not detonating the casino, Dash,” Twilight said.
“Aw, come on!” Rainbow crossed her legs and made a huff. “It will be faster than trying to fool that guard! Right, Fluttershy?”
“Eh…” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Do I really need to have an opinion on this?”
“Dash, dear,” Rarity said, “even if such a plan wasn’t completely and utterly irresponsible—which it is—I really doubt any of us knows how to find dynamite.”
“Oh! I know how, I know how!”
Rarity blinked. “Okay, yes, Pinkie knows how to do that, but I’m definitely going to ignore that fact, and I really ask you to do the same.”
“Puh-lease, girls.” Dash waved a hoof. “I wasn’t going to ask for dynamite! I’m not that dumb!”
“Color me surprised,” Applejack muttered under her breath.
“No, what I was thinking about,” Dash continued, “was this: Shy and I get a cloud, okay? A thundercloud. And then we set fire to the casino with it, and—”
“No,” Twilight said.
“Darn it.”
“Heh.” Applejack shook her head. “You have a problem, and your immediate solution is to set it on fire, huh? Yer a featherbrain.”
“Oh, I am?! Well, at least my mission is actually interesting! You’re failing to drink tea!”
“Ah’d like to see you try!”
“Hah!” Dash got up from the chair and flew across the table till she could press her forehead against Applejack’s. “Bring it on!”
“Incoming!” Spike appeared in the room wearing his pink apron and carrying a tray with steaming teacups. “Here you go! Chamomile tea, the finest quality!”
“Ooh. You made chamomile tea too?” Rarity clapped. “Good one!”
“Thanks!” Spike giggled. “I’ve always thought it’s very good!”
“Indeed it is! Maybe Applejack will like this one better, I wonder?”
“Pfft.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah’d rather drink lava.”
“Okay then!” Dash turned away from AJ and took one of the cups with a hoof. “Let me show you how it’s done, cowgirl!” she said. And then she poured the whole thing in her mouth in one go.
Silence.
Applejack turned to Pinkie. “Do you mind, sugarcube?”
“Oh, of course!” Pinkie took a watch from under the table and looked at it. “Okay, so now we’re up to four, five, six…”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”
Pinkie threw the watch over her shoulder. “Six seconds!”
AJ nodded. “Thanks!”
“—AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—
Spike bit his lip. “Um. Sorry?”
“Not your fault, Spike,” Twilight said, eating another spoonful of cereal. “She brought this on herself.”
“Oh, my!” Fluttershy covered her mouth with her hooves and flew towards Dash. “Dash, are you alright?!”
“—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” She turned to Shy. “DOES THIS LOOK ALRIGHT TO YOU?! MY TONGUE IS MELTING!”
“Eeyup, you definitely showed me how it’s done.”
“SHUT UP!” Dash slammed a hoof on the table and looked at Applejack with teary eyes. “AT LEAST I MANAGED TO DRINK IT!”
“Yeah, and now you’re screamin’. Pretty sure Ah win, sugarcube.”
“NO YOU DON’T!” Dash replied. “AT LEAST I’M BRAVE ENOUGH TO GULP THAT THING LIKE IT’S NOTHING!”
Applejack’s smirk disappeared, and a frown took its place. “Are you sayin’ Ah’m a coward?!” She turned around. “Spike! Bring me one of them cups!”
“Uh.” Spike scratched the back of his head. “Um, are you sure you…?”
“‘Course Ah’m sure!” Without waiting for an answer, she walked towards Spike and took one of the steaming teacups too. “Ah’ll show you, Dash!”
And then she poured the whole thing in her mouth in one go.
Silence.
Pinkie got the watch again. “Okay, so: four, five, six, seven, e—”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”
“Seven and a half!” Pinkie clapped. “New record!”
Dash ran both her hooves through her mane. “OH, COME ON!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Applejack took a deep breath. “THAT’LL TEACH YA! AH WON!”
Silence.
Rarity arched an eyebrow. “So… Was it worth it, or...”
“DEAR CELESTIA IT DEFINITELY WASN’T MY TONGUE IS MELTIN’!”
“MINE IS MELTING TOO OH PONYFEATHERS WHEN WILL THE PAIN STOP?!”
“Are you sure I need to team up with Applejack? Because I get the nagging feeling I’m being tied to a brick wall and asked to run a race, metaphorically speaking,” Rarity said, turning to Twilight and taking another sip of tea. “Besides, I’m pretty sure those two would get along with each other perfectly.”
“I, uh, I think that we should maybe go to a doctor,” Fluttershy said. “Those might develop into second degree burns if we don't treat them…”
“AH WON’T GO TO A DOCTOR JUST ‘CAUSE SOME PANSY TEA WAS HOT!”
“SAME HERE!”
Silence.
Rarity took another sip of tea. “I stand corrected.”
“Then I’m sorry, because we can’t change teams like that,” Twilight answered, chewing her cereal. “I doubt Fluttershy needs any training on how to be a lady. She’s perfect the way she is.”
“Aaaw.” Pinkie smiled at Twilight. “That was sweet! Wasn’t it, Fluttershy?”
“Seriously, I think their tongues might have suffered permanent damage,” Fluttershy said, not turning her gaze away from AJ and Dash. “We should really go see a doctor.”
Pinkie nodded. “Yep. That was sweet.”
“Oooo-kay.” Spike sighed. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll hide the teacups in case they end up hurting somepony else.”
“Be sure to save one for me!” Rarity said. “And one for Applejack, too!”
“AH’M NOT GETTIN’ NEAR THAT STUFF EVER AGAIN!”
“She’ll drink it this evening,” Rarity said. “I’m sure she’ll love it once it stops blinding her with pain.”
“Sure!” Spike disappeared into the kitchen, but his voice could still be heard. “I’ll put them in the fridge!”
“Thanks, dear!”
“Hmm.” Twilight played with the last crumbs of cereal in her bowl, and eventually pushed it aside. “Pinkie? What time is it?” she asked, turning around to face her friend.
“Half past nine!”
“Then you should go soon, Spike!” Twilight looked at the kitchen door. “It’s about time!”
“Got it!”
“And the same goes to you, too, girls. Pinkie and I are going to go down to the laboratory soon.”
“Sweet!” Pinkie grinned. “I like chickens!”
Rarity frowned. “What?”
“Nothing. So!” Twilight clapped her hooves twice. “Do you girls think you’ll be able to get in the casino and master Canterlot’s way of thinking today? We need to stop Money Bags as soon as possible, and we can’t start until you make it.”
“Well…” Fluttershy turned around and faced Twilight. “It’s going to be hard. That guard is very smart…”
“And in all honesty, I think teaching Applejack how to fly would be easier than teaching her how to be a proper lady,” Rarity added.
“Hmm.” Twilight frowned. “That’s problematic…”
“Nonsense!” Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight by the shoulder. “I know they can make it! If there’s anypony who can do this, it’s them! Right, girls?”
“Well…” Fluttershy scratched the back of her neck. “I guess that if we really try…”
“OF COURSE WE’LL MAKE IT!” Dash yelled, suddenly flying towards Twilight and Rarity and puffing her chest. “WE’LL FOOL THAT GUARD SO HARD HE WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM!”
“Do you really need to yell like—”
“YES!”
“AND AH’LL TURN INTO A LADY!” Applejack roared, jumping on the table and glaring daggers at Dash. “IN FACT, AH’LL BE THE LADIEST LADY OF THEM LADYFOLK BEFORE DASH EVEN TALKS TO THAT GUARD!”
“OH WELL IT IS ON!”
“You know, one day they will be able to do something without turning it into a competition,” Rarity said, casting a side glance towards Fluttershy. “I can’t stress enough how much I long for that moment.”
“But that’s exactly the spirit we’re going for, Rarity!” Pinkie flashed one of those smiles of hers that made it look like she was either planning something cunning and exciting or like she was looking at a gigantic pile of candy. “Hot blood! Passion! Determination! That’s what we are going for! Also, nice pile of candy there, Spike!”
Spike winked at her from the side of the giant pyramid of sweets he was carrying across the room.
“I can’t wait to eat that tonight,” Pinkie muttered, nodding to herself. “Anyway! Determination! That’s a good thing!”
“I guess?” Rarity said.
“NO, YOU DON’T GUESS!” Applejack bared her teeth in a fierce smile. “WE ARE GOIN’ TO DO THIS, SUGARCUBE! BY THE END OF THE DAY, WE’LL BE DONE!”
“YEAH!” Dash roared. “WE TOO! WE’RE DOING THIS!”
Money Bags smirked. “Let me guess: they failed.”
“Of course they failed.”
Four hours later, the four of them were sitting at Donut Joe’s, staring blankly at their drinks.
Money Bags sighed. “Well, that was predictable.”
“Hey!” Twilight frowned. “Don’t say that! My friends are amazing ponies, and they can do anything they set their minds to! We did end up attacking the casino, right?”
“Yes. And now you’re tied to a chair.”
Twilight bit her tongue.
“Anyway,” Money Bags continued, “what about the dragon? You said he had to go somewhere. Care to explain?”
“Dear Celestia, why are you so focused on Spike? Nopony focuses on Spike! Ever!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Not even the crystal ponies care about him that much!”
Money Bags squinted. “I thought they made a giant statue of him?”
“Yes, and they still manage to forget about him every two days!”
“Wow. That’s cruel.”
“The thing is,” Twilight continued, shaking her head, “that Spike was busy buying some groceries or whatever, and Pinkie and I were brewing potions. That meant that Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity went to Donut Joe’s…”
“I just can’t believe that stupid guard said ‘no’ twenty-three times!” Dash said, taking a fierce bite of her donut. “It’s impossible to get in there!”
“Come on, it can’t be that hard,” Applejack said, patting Dash’s shoulder. “Maybe you just had a bad start!”
“Yeah, sure. A bad start.” Dash sighed. “We’ve tried like a bazillion aliases, and all of them were deemed dangerous!”
“And only fifteen included references to explosions,” Fluttershy added.
“I can’t say I don’t understand you, dear,” Rarity said, taking a bit of biscuit. “We’ve been kicked out of every single elegant place in Canterlot! Me! Kicked out! Can you even believe that?”
“But what happened?” Fluttershy asked, the corners of her mouth curled down, her ears flat against her head. “What went wrong?”
“Well, I’m not somepony to point hooves, of course,” Rarity said, “but it was totally Applejack’s fault.”
“Hey!”
“Aside from not being able to hide her accent even if her life depends on it, let’s say she’s just not cut out for any elegant place.” Rarity sighed. “The Golden Leaf outright refused to serve us after they saw her grabbing the cutlery with her hooves.”
“Ah’m an earth pony!” Applejack said, frowning.
“I know, but that’s not an excuse to be inelegant, dear.”
“There’s literally no other way for me to grab them cutlery!”
“I’m with Applejack here,” Dash said. “Fancy places are horrible. And hey, at least you could get in there.”
“Joy,” Applejack muttered.
“Canterlot is such a mean place sometimes,” Fluttershy agreed, playing with the straw in her drink. “I miss Ponyville.”
“We all do, dear,” Rarity said. “We all do. Even I am getting tired of the finest places. Sometimes I forget how charming Ponyville can be.”
“Well, we’re doin’ this for a good cause,” Applejack muttered, biting her apple and wagging her tail a little. “That’s a relief, Ah guess.”
“Hmm.” Fluttershy frowned. “Say, girls? What if we help each other?”
Dash raised her eyes. “What?”
“You need to practice being in a fancy place, right, Rarity?” Fluttershy tapped her chin twice. “And the casino is very elegant…”
“Well, yes.” Rarity nodded. “We’re practicing being fancy because the casino is elegant, in fact.”
“Then it all works, right?” Fluttershy said. “You can help us get in the casino, and then…!”
“And then we’ll be promptly kicked out,” Rarity said. “It’s better than nothing, I guess.”
Applejack nodded. “Sounds like a plan to me!”
Rarity took another bite of her biscuit. “Well, just let me do the talking. I’m sure I’ll manage.”
There was a different guard at the casino that day. A brown pegasus—still herculean, of course, but that was a given. When they got to the door, he looked at them from over the top of his dark sunglasses. “Names?” he asked.
Rarity flashed him a warm smile. “Hello, dear. My name is White Pearl. My friends there are…” She pointed at Fluttershy, “Autumn Breeze,” she pointed at Applejack, “Sugar Cube,” she pointed at Dash, “and this is—”
“Roaring Tornado!” Dash interrupted, grinning like crazy and ignoring Rarity’s death glare. “See? We’re fancy! Open that door!”
“So your name is Roaring Tornado, huh?” The guard snickered. “Well then, I’m sorry but—”
“Why yes, of course,” Rarity interrupted. “Roaring Tornado, the famous racing prodigy! Haven’t you heard of her, mister?” Her warm smile came back. “She’s Soarin’s niece, fresh from the Wonderbolt Academy! Everypony knows she’s going to take Canterlot by storm.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes and cocked her head to the side. “I’m her agent, you see, and—”
“What? What are you talking about?” Dash rolled her eyes. “Soarin has no nieces, Rarity! Everypony knows that!”
Silence. Everypony stared at Dash.
She blinked. “Um. I mean, like, Soarin is totally my uncle. Oh yeah. Like, best uncle ever. Woohoo.” She gulped. “…And, uh, your eyes are totally awesome?”
Twelve minutes later, they were back at the casino, with a new combo of fur color and fluffy dresses. “Hello!” Rarity said upon walking to the door. “Nice to meet you, mister guard!”
“Names.”
“Of course, of course. I’m Ink Dweller, this is Gentle Wind, that one is Fruit Flower…” She pointed at Dash, “and she is named Feather Head.”
The guard squinted and looked at Rainbow. “And… why is she wearing a muzzle, exactly?”
Rarity didn’t even blink at the question. “Miscellaneous reasons.”
“Grbmbtflgggggh.”
Silence.
The guard shrugged. “Eh. I’m nopony to talk about fashion. You’re in.”
“Well, let that be a lesson for the ages,” Rarity muttered as the main door closed behind them. “If you fail at something, it’s probably Rainbow Dash’s fault, and you should gag her for that.”
The others would have said something, but they were too busy staring at the casino. Money Bags was a mischievous banker and a soulless villain, but he had good taste in interior design. The gang was greeted by the biggest room any of them had seen outside the palace, a place completely crowded with ponies of all ages, colors, and races possible. Pegasi, unicorns, earth ponies, crystal ponies, bat ponies… There even was a giant tub in the middle of the place with a couple sea ponies in it. The room had countless blinking lights, game tables, slot machines, croupiers, and…
“I know what my casino looks like.”
“Oh.”
Silence.
Twilight nodded to herself. “So… Do you want me to describe it anyway?”
“No.”
“I’m going to describe it anyway.”
“You seem to be unaware of the ramifications of this whole ‘we have your friend’ business, Princess.”
Twilight beamed a smile. “So, as I was saying, the casino…”
…or at least the part they could see was, as it has already been said, giant and crowded. Not as crowded as Ponyville’s bank, but it could easily give it a run for its money. The roof was high enough for pegasi to fly around freely, and that of course included many security guards, easily recognisable by both their sunglasses and their I-just-ate-a-lemon scowls.
The floor was completely covered with a smooth red velvet carpet, there were columns periodically, the walls were golden with posters and photos of celebrities and Money Bags, and overall the place looked like a cathedral, only with tingy noises instead of prayers. They had the gaming section in front of them, and by their right they could see the restaurant.
They stood there in silence for a minute or two, completely motionless.
“Wow,” Fluttershy finally muttered under her breath once she assimilated what was in front of her. “Just… W-wow.”
“Ah think my farm is smaller than this,” Applejack commented, her pupils becoming mere dots.
Rarity blinked. “It’s… It does look less impressive from outside.”
Dash rolled her eyes and took off the muzzle. “Ugh. I’m never wearing this thing again.” She walked towards Rarity and leaned on her. “And this place is not that big! I’ve seen bigger places. Like the castle. Right?” She turned around and looked at Fluttershy. “The castle is bigger!”
“Yeah, but this still feels…” Applejack frowned. “Well, you know.”
“Scary?” Fluttershy asked. “Ominous? Vast? Spine-chilling? Dreadful? Ineffable? Depraved? Horrible?”
AJ squinted. “Pretty darn big.”
“Oh.” Shy blinked. “Yes, that one too.”
“Come on!” Rainbow waved a hoof and stuck out her tongue. “It’s not a big deal. We’re going to come here a lot if we want to map it anyway, Fluttershy, so you better get used to it.”
Fluttershy’s ears went flat against her head. “Oh dear.”
“I’m afraid she’s right, Fluttershy,” Rarity said, not bothering to look at the others, too focused on what was in front of her. “However, you don’t need to do this alone, of course. I suggest we avoid talking to anypony. Just try to look snobbish and follow my lead—”
“OH MY GOSH!” Dash opened her eyes wide and flew a couple meters in the air. “IS THAT SPITFIRE?!”
“Say what?”
ZZIIOOOOOM!
Silence.
Rarity squinted, still looking at the slot machines. “Please, tell me Rainbow Dash didn’t just run away.”
Applejack looked at Rarity, then at Fluttershy, then at Rarity again. “Um. She didn’t run away.”
“Good.”
Silence.
“She totally flew away, didn’t she.”
“Faster than Apple Bloom on Bow Burnin’ Day.”
“Ponyfeathers.”
There’s this funny thing about pegasi. Some ponies think they’re naturally dumber than the other pony races, and the everydayness of terms like “featherbrain”, “light-headed”, or "Rainbow Dash-like” sure doesn’t help. But pegasi are not that dumb, honestly. They’re just as smart as every other kind of pony.
However, it is true that, more often than not, a pegasus’ train of thought works in a way that they do things that end up looking incredibly heroic—if they succeed—or painfully stupid—if they fail. Pegasi are, after all, too fast for their own good. Sometimes, their body acts on its own before their brain can measure up the consequences of what they’re doing. In other words: they’re not stupid, they’re just unable to think things through.
So, continuing with this metaphor, it’s easy to see why Rainbow Dash did what she did that day. It’s not like she didn’t know that flying towards Spitfire while disguised and trying to go incognito was stupid. It’s just that by the time that thought started to move towards her brain she was already flying across the casino and screaming like a wild animal.
“SPITFIRE!” To say she screamed would be a huge understatement. What came out of her mouth was one of those screeches only true fangirls can expel. Three ponies unfortunate enough to be near her when she blurted that shriek out had to go to the hospital due to ear damage, and at least one noblepony saw his glass of wine explode into a million tiny pieces. “SPITFIRE! HELLO, SPITFIRE!”
Spitfire turned around to see who was demanding her attention with that passion immediately, both because she was polite enough to at least acknowledge crazy fans and because a pony with such lung capacity was either very excited to see her or twenty feet tall and ready to avenge her father. Not like Spitfire had slain any giants lately, but better safe than sorry, that was her motto.
Once she saw Dash, however, the relief was immediate. “Why, hello,” she said. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”
“What?! Of course you know me! I’m—”
And right then, the thought finally made it to Dash’s brain. Oh, yeah. She was supposed to not be Rainbow Dash.
She stood there for a second or two, staring awkwardly into space, as her brain assimilated what was going on.
Spitfire didn’t look away.
Rainbow Dash gulped.
Three more seconds passed.
Dash’s brain went into overdrive. Okay, she had messed it up. Badly. They were all looking at her, she thought, and this time Rarity was not here to get her out of trouble. Good. No problem. She could do it. She could totally get out of there and avoid getting caught and making a fool of herself in front of her hero—oh dear Celestia they were still staring at her who was she trying to fool she could not do this OH LUNA SHE HAD TO SAY SOMETHING SHE WAS GOING TO BE KICKED OUT AGAIN IN FRONT OF SPITFIRE WHERE THE HAY WAS RARITY COME ON DASH COME ON COME ON COME ON!
Spitfire arched an eyebrow. “So? Are you going to—?”
“I’M NOT A TERRORIST! I SWEAR!”
Silence.
“Uh. I mean…” Dash bit her lip. “I’m, eh, Soarin’s niece?”
A pause.
Everypony kept staring at Dash. Even Spitfire. Especially Spitfire.
Rainbow gulped. “…You know, out of curiosity: is there perhaps any chance that you’re not going to call the guards on me now?”
“No.”
“Figures.”
At least following Rainbow Dash wasn’t as difficult as it could have been. Even though she could fly so fast one had trouble seeing her in midair, Fluttershy and Applejack had clearly seen the direction she had headed for, and after that Dash had screamed like a filly visiting the dentist for the first time in her life. Stealthy, she hadn’t been.
However, not everything could be that easy.
“She’s not here!” Rarity muttered to the other two once they arrived to the poker table where Spitfire was playing. There was no sign of Dash whatsoever. “I can’t believe it!” she continued, trying not to stand out between the gamblers. “She wanders off and then she wanders away from the place she wandered to in the first place! Who does that?!”
“Well, Ah find it reassurin’,” Applejack whispered back, trying to hide her smirk. “It’s like one of those constant little things that make life how it is. Dog goes woof, ducks go quack, Rainbow’s dumber than a sack of bricks. The circle of life!”
“Applejack, dear, I’m not really sure this is the best time to laugh at her.” Rarity sighed. “I’m a little worried about Dash—I think we should try to find her.”
“What? Why?” Applejack arched an eyebrow. “She’s wanderin’ around the casino, drawin’ a map. Wasn’t that the plan all along?”
“Yes, but if you remember correctly, the plan also involved Fluttershy being there to make sure she doesn’t end up in trouble.” She looked at Shy. “I don’t like her being alone.”
“Me neither,” Fluttershy said, nodding. “We should definitely look for her. I can draw the map too while we’re at it.”
“Well, okay Ah guess.” AJ shrugged. “So how do we do it?”
“Hmm.” Rarity tapped her chin. “I’ll go to the restaurant. Applejack, you look for her here—the gamblers won’t talk to you if you don’t talk back.” A pause. “And, erm, try not to talk.”
“Ah know, Ah know. No peasants allowed. Bunch o’ snot-nosed snooties…”
Rarity nodded. “Good. Try to observe how they talk, maybe you’ll learn something. Fluttershy?”
“Oh, I’ll look for her there,” she said, pointing at the northmost part of the casino. “It looks like a good place.”
“The store? Okay.”
“Well then, we’ll meet back at the door in an hour, whether we’ve found ‘er or not,” AJ said. “Sounds like a plan?”
“Yes.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then you know what to do. Remember: she’s painted orange and has a white mane.”
Our attention has been too focused on the four friends and their antics lately, so perhaps it would be a good idea to talk about the ponies that frequented the casino now. After all, they play an important part in the story.
To say that they were fancy would be an understatement, and of course, everything related to Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack had happened due to the fact that the casino was a very elite place. However, maybe an explanation as to why they were so uptight would be useful. After all, none of the Elements of Harmony—plus Spike—were strangers to elegant places. They had been to the Grand Galloping Gala, for example. But the casino was different.
And that difference came from a simple issue: the Grand Galloping Gala was a place to socialize. Money Bags Casino was a place to play.
But of course, the games they played weren’t the kind of fun, exciting games normal ponies like to play. Oh, no. Nobleponies hated fun. Those were stressful, corrupting games. The nobleponies went there to either earn a little money—something that never happened—or to waste an entire fortune—something that happened a lot. A casino wasn’t a place that fit Canterlot at all.
And betting actual money? Playing at slot machines? That wasn’t just inelegant, that was downright outrageous! And worse of all, it was addictive, in a certain way.
That casino was the total opposite of a fancy place, technically speaking. However, by being so elitist when it came to who could get in, Money Bags Casino had managed to turn their entire business into the biggest guilty pleasure that Canterlot had ever seen. But even though every single noblepony in there—except for the occasional bratty pegasus now and then—felt like gambling and playing cards was absolutely unworthy of them, they couldn’t exactly stop doing it just like that. After all, everypony else was doing it, right?
As a result, there was this unusual oxymoron: the casino was a sophisticated place, but everypony thought it wasn’t, so when they eventually went there, they acted in the most uptight, stuck-up, snobbish way possible, as to distance themselves from the vulgarity, effectively turning the casino into an even more sophisticated place.
In other words: it wasn’t the healthiest of places.
“Call me crazy, but I get the feeling you don’t really like my casino,” Money Bags said, rolling his eyes. “Seriously? You think this is ‘unworthy’? Is that really the word you’re looking for? I’m actually amazed you didn’t go all the way and say my business is sacrilegious or something.”
“Hey, I’m just telling it like it is,” Twilight said. The corners of her mouth rose up a little. “I’m sorry it offends you, but that’s the truth.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot you’re an absolute expert on casinos and nobility.” Money Bags looked like he really wanted to spit. “How rude of me.”
“I was born and raised in Canterlot, so yes, I know more about nobility than you. Plus, I’m a princess.”
“And you surely love casinos, huh?”
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “I don’t hate them per se. I’m just amazed you created an institution that can scam ponies out of their money even more effectively than your banks.”
Money Bags waved a hoof. “That’s what ‘talent’ means, dear.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
To put it lightly, then, walking around in the casino was akin to swimming among piranhas. Piranhas with fancy top hats and bowties, yes, but piranhas nonetheless.
Luckily for everypony, though, Rarity was the best piranha swimmer in this side of Equestria, metaphorically speaking. Literally speaking too, of course, but that’s another story that shall be told another time.
There was a giant circular stage next to the restaurant, Rarity noticed. Of course, there was no way a place so fancy would have dinner without a show. A group of four ponies were playing classical music at the moment, and the public seemed pretty much indifferent towards them.
The restaurant was big, but after a twenty minute long walk it was clear that Dash wasn’t sitting at a table, so Rarity headed towards the bar. Nopony looked at her twice. Acting like a noblepony was second nature to her.
The bar consisted of a giant counter with a bunch of ponies walking around and drinking, a place that was much more crowded than the restaurant. And that crowd was settled around just one particular green pegasus wearing a black suit and a tie…
“And then I thought, hey, I’ve already eaten seven kittens just for evil’s sake, why not set fire to the orphanage too?” Money Bags was saying, sparking a bout of laughter from the crowd.
“Yes, I’m fairly sure I didn’t say that,” Money Bags interrupted.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Geez. Okay.”
What Money Bags actually said was something like “And then I dastardly tied the fair maiden to the rails and twirled my evil moustache, KNOWING THAT NOPONY WOULD COME TO SAVE HER! MUAHAHAHAHAH—”
“I was talking finances!”
Twilight grumbled.
“Finances, finances, finances, finances, finances, finances!” Money Bags said. And then everypony laughed.
Rarity shook her head at Money Bags’ pathetic attempt at humor, but she didn’t walk away. On the contrary, she faked a laugh and joined the crowd. “Oh, Mister Money Bags, you’re so delightful,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes. “You always tell the funniest stories!”
“Well, being a good conversational partner is what my job is all about,” Money Bags replied, smirking. “Well, that and juggling massive amounts of money for my own benefit and the detriment of others. Mostly the ‘being funny’ bit, though.”
A pause.
“I’M EXTREMELY EVIL!” he screamed.
A couple seconds passed.
“So… are you going to interrupt me here too, or…?”
“What?” Money Bags frowned. “Ah, no, no. That part was surprisingly accurate.”
“Oh.”
The crowd laughed again at Money Bags’ words, and Rarity just smiled and kept looking at him.
To understand what happened next, one needs to know one very simple thing: of all the mares in Ponyville, Rarity is, by far, the most beautiful one. The only one who even comes close to her is Fluttershy, and she had been a professional model once.
Thus, it’s not a surprise that, even though he was talking with many ponies at once, Money Bags soon noticed Rarity, and Rarity made sure to flutter her eyes in a very particular fashion that usually makes all stallions go head over heels for her.
“Woah, woah, wait a minute.” Money Bags shook his head. “You’re telling me Rarity was the pretty one?”
Twilight arched an eyebrow. “Yes. Of course she was. She was painted cyan by that point, I think.”
Money Bags ran a hoof across his mane. “Huh. I thought you were going to tell me she was the other one.”
“The other…?” Twilight arched an eyebrow. “What?”
“Well, right when I was about to speak to the pretty one—she’s Rarity, you say?—a random mare came out of nowhere and started screaming at me.”
“I’LL KICK YOUR ASS FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!” the random mare yelled as she charged towards Money Bags, foaming in the corners of her mouth. “BECAUSE I’M A MINDLESS SOCIOPATH WHO CAN’T UNDERSTAND GREATNESS AND DOESN’T SEE HOW INSANELY BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE, OH GREAT MONEY BAGS!”
“Ah, you’re talking about that mare?” Twilight asked, cocking her head to the side. Then her face changed to that particular smirk-plus-eyebrow-doing-that-thing-where-it-twitches—a trick she had learned from Applejack—and scoffed. “You changed the story a bit, didn’t you?”
“EVER SINCE THE DAY YOU BURNT MY VILLAGE,” the mare screamed as she charged towards Money Bags, “I’VE BEEN LONGING FOR THIS MOMENT! SUFFER MY REVENGE, MONEY BAGS! THIS IS FOR ALL THE ANGUISH YOU’VE CAUSED!”
“Oooooh. So she was one of the you-burned-my-village ones? I guess that explains why I forgot her.” Money Bags chuckled. “I always get them mixed up, how embarrassing.”
“You get them mix—how many villages have you burned to the ground?”
“I lost count long ago,” Money Bags replied, waving a hoof. “You know, it’s just another hobby of mine, nothing that important.”
“You’re literally destroying ponies’ lives just for entertainment!”
“Yeah.” Money Bags arched an eyebrow. “And burning random villages is just one little part of it. I also like to cause floods by messing up dams. And sometimes I draw mildly annoying graffiti on walls that don’t belong to me.”
Silence.
“Seriously, I’m actually impressed by the fact that you realized I was evil due to my finances, instead of just looking at the blatantly evil things I do on a daily basis.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Even I can’t believe I’m not in jail. Says wonders about Equestria’s security system, huh?”
Twilight glared daggers at Money Bags. “How can you be such a heartless, horrible monster?!”
“Easy. I’m an economist.”
Silence.
“Like, I willingly chose to study economics so I could be one of them. All by myself. Nopony forced me. And I like my job.”
More silence.
When Twilight talked, her voice sounded horrified. “Dear Celestia, that explains everything.”
“Indeed.”
“I’m actually impressed you don’t feed on the blood of the innocent.”
“Give it time.”
But let’s leave Rarity alone for a second, because we’ve been neglecting Applejack a lot lately.
Just like they had planned, AJ was busy looking for Rainbow Dash in the actual casino part of the casino. Poker tables, blackjack tables, slot machines, dice, roulettes, snakes ‘n ladders—there were countless games one could play if one wanted to lose all of one's money. And as apparently wasting fortunes was quite the popular hobby in that city, that meant Applejack was completely surrounded by all kinds of ponies.
It was actually kind of hard to move—everypony walked from table to table without even caring to look at what they were stepping on. It was amazing how even doing that they managed to look as stuck-up as physically possible. Applejack figured the clothes had something to do with it. She had never seen so many top hats since that day Pinkie Pie thought everypony in Ponyville should look a little more like chimnies. The only ones who didn’t wear some kind of gigantic head attire—because of course all the mares were wearing hats, and of course they were big enough to hide two Royal Guard battalions inside—were the countless waiters, all carrying around trays with fancy food and drinks on them. How they managed to walk through that horrible crowd without tripping was a mystery.
And of course, Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen. Applejack couldn’t help but feel frustrated. Where the heck was she? She’d been dodging fancy ponies for what felt like centuries, and that dumb pegasus was nowhere to be seen. Still, it was going better than expected, she thought. As long as she said nothing, then nopony would—
“A fritter, ma’am?”
Uh-oh.
Applejack bit her lip while looking at the waiter in front of her. He had a tray with a bunch of fancy-looking food, and was smiling at her.
She coughed. Okay, she couldn’t really talk without being kicked out—she already knew that. But of course, there was ‘talking’ and then there was talking. Surely, she wouldn’t blow this off. It wasn’t like nobleponies had a sixth sense anyway.
So she coughed, swept the sweat on her forehead, channeled her inner Manehattan lady, and smiled at the waiter. “No, thanks,” she said.
The answer was immediate.
The waiter took a step back and looked at her in horror. Countless ponies gasped at the same time as they turned around to look at her. A noblepony’s monocle fell from his face. Somewhere in the distance, a baby started to cry. A lady fainted dramatically, but everypony was busy staring at Applejack, so nopony bothered to catch her and she hit the floor like a sack of bricks.
“Commoner,” somepony whispered. “I can smell her fear.”
Applejack smacked her own forehead.
Thump!
“Ugh!”
Rainbow Dash hit the floor quite hard, and sadly, that wasn’t a way to say she started dancing. The aftermath of her encounter with Spitfire had been depressingly predictable—two guards had appeared and had dragged her away without waiting to hear her protest. However, they hadn’t kicked her out, as she had been expecting. Rather, they had brought her through the store and to the private part of the casino—that one that had a lot of signs with the words “Casino personnel only”. And once in there, after walking through the longest corridor ever, they had opened a black door, and then Dash had been unceremoniously thrown inside.
“The Royal Guards will come soon,” one of the guards said, his face unreadable. “But first, we’ll like you to answer some questions. Wait in here.”
Dash blinked as she got up. “Wait, what? What do you—”
The door closed with a bam!
“Hey!” She ran towards the door and knocked on it. “HEY! Don’t leave me in here, you weirdos! I’m fairly sure this is illegal!”
No answer.
“Don’t ignore me! What the flying feathers is wrong with you guys?! You can’t just toss me in a dark room and then go away!”
Still no answer.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Dash took a couple step backs and glared at the door. “You wanna do this the hard way? Then we’ll do this the hard way!”
She shook her head a couple time, wiggled her butt a little, and then charged against the door with all her strength—
“I’m pretty sure that door is made of reinforced steel,” Money Bags said.
“Yes.” Twilight nodded slowly. “Yes, it is.”
PLONK!
A pause.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”
“And she didn’t break anything?”
“Dash is surprisingly tough, yes.”
PLONK!
“DEAR CELESTIA THIS TIME IT HURT EVEN MORE!”
“Wait, she tried to tackle the door down again?”
“Dash is wonderfully brave, extremely loyal and dependable, and doubtlessly one of the best ponies I’ve ever met, but I never said she was smart, exactly,” Twilight said.
“Yeah, I’ve realized that,” Money Bags said. “For crying out loud, even the pink one seems smarter, judging by what you’re telling me.”
“Um, well, to be fair, I’m pretty sure she’s not this…” Twilight bit her lip, “uh, hotblooded usually. It’s just that, eh, she doesn’t work well with pressure.”
“Obviously.”
Twenty minutes and seven tries later, Dash had finally calmed down, and the door remained unscratched. So she just shook her head and glared daggers at it, panting. “WELL, YOU’RE LUCKY I DON’T HAVE A BOMB WITH ME!” she screamed. “BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU: TRAPPING THE PONY YOU THINK IS A TERRORIST INSIDE OF YOUR BUILDING IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA EVER!”
No answer.
Dash huffed. “Sigh. Okay then. So.” She turned around and eyed the room for the first time. “I’m a prisoner now. Hooray.”
There weren’t a lot of things in there. Boring walls, boring ceiling, boring floor, a rope hanging from the ceiling right next to a chair, swinging ominously…
“Well, that’s extremely disturbing,” she said. Then she squinted. “And it gives me an idea…”
“Sadly, trying to whip down the door was completely unsuccessful, and Rainbow Dash learned a valuable lesson that day: she is not Daring Do.” Twilight shook her head. “This is the seventh time she learned that one. We hope the eighth sticks, but chances are…”
“How does one even do that. Whips don’t work that way.”
“Dash doesn’t really work on logic as much as she works on how cool a thing might look.”
“Well, whips are pretty cool, I’ll give you that.”
And this is the point where we go back to Rarity, whose conversation with Money Bags had suddenly turned into a private one. Once the revenge-seeking anonymous mare was dragged away, the crowd had turned aside to talk about her in offended whispers, and Money Bags had used the distraction to walk away with Rarity.
“Well,” he was saying, chuckling softly, “that was unexpected.”
“Why, indeed,” Rarity replied. “But not really that unexpected, was it? One can’t be powerful without gathering a couple enemies. And nowadays, nopony is as powerful as you, hmm?”
Money Bags smirked. And Rarity smirked back, because social interactions in the nobility circle are at least twenty percent smirks. But Rarity did something more: alongside her smirk, she batted her eyelashes a little.
And then there was silence.
Now, many things have been said about Rarity’s eyelashes. Some think they’re out of this world, some think they’re just really really really long. Applejack thinks they’re pretty freaky. And every single stallion out there – and let’s be honest, many mares too – think that they are…
“Are you really going to finish that sentence?”
Twilight frowned. “Hm. Maybe I shouldn’t?”
“I’m fairly sure I know what ‘every single stallion out there’ thinks about your friend’s eyelashes, yes,” Money Bags said. He coughed, and a little bit of pink appeared on his cheeks. Just a little, really. “In fact, you can skip this whole bit entirely, really. I was there. I know what happened.”
“Yes, yes, sure.” Twilight smiled. “Of course. That’s an incredibly sensitive topic, and to be honest, it would be kind of rude for me to ignore you, right? I’ll skip this part if you want me to.”
Silence.
Money Bag’s ears perked up. “Really?”
“Hah. No.”
To put what happened right afterwards in words would be almost unfair to Rarity, as such a thing had to be seen to be believed. However, fear not, as we’re going to explain the whole thing to the last detail, even if we need to dwell on it for hours.
“This is the part where I remind you that we have your friend hostage, right?” Money Bags blinked. “For Celestia’s sake, we have the exact same friend we’re talking about. So if you don’t mind…”
So, Rarity fluttered her eyelashes. Three times. Blink, blink, blink. She didn’t talk, she didn’t change her expression, she didn’t move at all. She just fluttered those eyelashes like a warrior would flutter a battle fan.
And—
“Are you seriously ignoring me in the middle of your interrogation?!”
—And Money Bags stood there, dumbfounded, for a couple seconds.
Now, some ponies say eyes can talk. Not literally, unless there’s some really weird magic working in there for some reason, of course, but figuratively. Married couples can tell what their spouse is thinking just by looking into each other’s eyes, for example, and everypony recognizes a hate stare when they see one. So maybe that’s right. Maybe eyes can talk, after all.
If that was the case, then, it’s clear that Rarity’s eyes were delivering a message with all that eyelashing. A very compelling message.
Blink. Blink. Blink. I’m pretty!
And, as we’ve said, then there was silence.
Money Bags just stared at Rarity, eyes open wide. He gulped, quite visibly.
Rarity stared back.
A minute passed.
“So… Wanna hear all the secrets related to how the security works in this place, including—but not limited to—the security guards’ schedule, names, passwords, and the places where we hide the keys?” he asked.
“That would be lovely!”
“Okay, now, before you judge me—!”
“Too late.”
“Before you judge me,” Money Bags repeated, as if he hadn’t heard Twilight, “I’ll let you know that girls love security-related secrets, okay?! And she was obviously flirting with me!”
“She blinked three times.”
“It was an obvious try to win over my affections!”
“It was an obvious way to prevent her eyes from going dry.”
“Girls love security-related secrets!”
Silence.
“…No,” Twilight said, sighing. “No, we don’t. We definitely don’t.”
“Hah!” Money Bags waved a hoof, his cheeks even pinker. “Hardy har har! And what would you know about that, exactly?! I know everything there’s to know about the female brain! I’m a genius!”
“Yes, well, I’m a girl myself,” Twilight replied, arching an eyebrow. “Pretty sure I have an advantage here.”
Silence.
Money Bags blinked. “Wait. So… you don’t dig that kind of thing?”
Twilight squinted a little. “What in Equestria would give you that impression?”
“Oh. Oooh. Oooooooooooooooh crabapples.” Money Bags looked at the ceiling and ran a hoof through his mane. “Oh dear Celestia, everything I knew was wrong.”
“Are you telling me that’s how you try to pick up mares? You just blurt out all the keys to get in your house and steal everything? That’s your understanding of romance?!”
“You know, so many things make so much sense,” Money Bags whispered, his tone whimsical and dreamy. “I was blind, but now I see.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “This went from funny to sad in no time. What else do you say when you try to win the heart of a mare? You start to scream random instructions on how to correctly burn down your mansion?”
Silence. Money Bags looked at Twilight again, his face sadder than a puppy in a puppy funeral.
Twilight frowned. “Wait. Wait a moment. You mean that you actually—Oh my goodness.
Money Bags sighed. “This explains so much about my love life…”
“Like the fact that you’re incredibly lonely?”
“Like the fact that I’m incredibly lonely.”
So, moving away from that pathetic scene that would drag on for a while, as Money Bags ended up telling Rarity everything she had to know about the casino’s security…
“I mean, seriously.” Twilight eyed Money Bags. “I can’t believe this, but I feel kind of sorry for you right now.”
…And we go from Rarity to Applejack, who we left surrounded by nobleponies that hungered for blood. And ponies to look down at. Nobleponies are charming, that way.
And when one says “surrounded”, one means it. There were nobleponies everywhere Applejack could see. And every single one was glaring at her with murderous eyes. Well, every single one but the one who had fainted, but even she looked kind of angry, in a very unconscious way.
She looked around frantically as the nobleponies got closer and closer, their looks angrier and angrier by the second. What to do? What to do?! There was no escape route, she was going to be kicked out, and then Rarity was going to yell at her like there was no tomorrow.
She gulped, which caused some commotion among the angry noblemob, because apparently she hadn’t gulped like a true lady or something dumb like that, and then she noticed one of the angry ponies was actually a waiter, carrying a tray with fancy fritters and all that. Thus, she did what all farmers do when they’re in distress: she took all the food in sight and put it in her mouth without even thinking about it, in the hopes that all the bad things would go away after swallowing.
And, amazingly, this time she felt something more than fat and shame after eating.
Because those apple fritters were awful.
Literally everything in those things was wrong! There was too much sugar, the honey was—SOMEHOW—completely rotten, the cream was dry, it had been overfried, and, in all honestly, Applejack didn’t know what in tarnation they had used as the base for those fritters, but it definitely didn’t deserve the noble name of “apple”.
A frown appeared on her face. Her pupils became smaller. Her mouth twisted in a gesture of both disgust and incredulity. Her teeth were bared. She looked like a foal who’d licked a lemon for the first time in his short life two seconds ago, only that lemon was also on fire at the time. It was the ugliest expression Applejack had ever shown.
Incidentally, it was also, and by far, the most regal.
It’s easy to see why, actually. Applejack was a humble farmer, yes, but she definitely knew her way around apple fritters and those things in her mouth were certainly worse than anything she’d ever tried before! She couldn’t think of anything but the fact that the simplest meal cooked by her would be leagues better than what they were serving at the casino.
And that was the key. She understood it when she saw the furious bloodlust vanish from the faces in the crowd. The unseen baby stopped crying, the random noblepony put his monocle back on, the fainted mare was shoved under a table and ignored. In three seconds, everypony went back to their business like nothing had happened.
Being a noblepony, Applejack saw, wasn’t about how nice your accent was, or how ladylike you acted. Being a noblepony—and it seemed incredibly obvious now that she knew it—was about thinking that you were better.
“Hah!” she said. “Ah got it! Ah sorted it out!”
Everypony looked at her in absolute silence. In the distance, that mysterious baby whined a little. The monocle danced on the random stallion’s face. The unconscious lady looked even more unconscious.
Applejack bit her lip. “Uh. Ah mean… Ugh.” She looked at the waiter with her best lemon-on-fire-and-baby face. “That was horrible.”
The crowd nodded, the baby shut up, the monocle didn’t move, somepony kicked the unconscious lady in the face, and everypony ignored Applejack again.
She wiped her forehead and sighed. Okay, she thought. Maybe she had to work a little bit on her accent, after all.
“Uh… What are you doing?”
Dash looked up and almost screamed at what she saw. The stupid door was now open, there was no sign of the two guards that had dragged her all the way there, and in front of her, blinking, cocking her head to the side, and carrying a bag, was…
“Fluttershy?!” Rainbow jumped from the chair, smiling. “How did you get in here?!”
“Um… I saw those two guards carry you here,” Shy explained. “I guess you didn’t notice me back there…”
“You tried to get my attention?” Dash walked out of the room and Fluttershy followed. The corridor they ended up in had white walls and no furniture whatsoever, and the sound of the casino was muffled. There were many doors, some of them open, and Dash looked at every one of them, sometimes looking inside of the rooms too. “How?”
“I, uh, screamed your name…”
Dash arched an eyebrow. “A real scream, or one of yours?”
Fluttershy blushed. “Well, I-I didn’t want to be rude…”
“Yeah, that explains why I didn’t see you.” Dash smirked. “And you just walked over here, like that? Kind of bold on your part. I like it!”
“Oh, no, no, no!” Fluttershy shook her head. “I know we’re not supposed to walk in here! And I—um. Dash? The exit is the other way…”
“I know,” Dash said, as she kept walking down the corridor. They turned a couple corners and eventually faced a set of stairs that went down. Rainbow followed them without hesitation. “You were saying?”
“Ah, yes!” Fluttershy looked around and gulped. “Um, well, I, uh, I asked one of the guards if I could walk in here. I even said pretty please!”
Dash stopped and turned around to face her. “And they said yes?”
“Uh… I’m not really sure he noticed me,” Shy said, hiding a little behind her mane. “I was kind of… scared… and…”
“So you took it as a yes and just walked in here?” Dash frowned. “Fluttershy, this is probably the most guarded part of the casino, and you’re telling me you walked in here completely unnoticed, even though you were actively trying to get noticed?”
“Um. Yes?”
“Fluttershy!” Dash smiled wide and grabbed her friend by the shoulders. “That’s so awesome!”
“…It is?”
“Yeah! Don’t you see?!” Rainbow Dash let out a laugh and patted Fluttershy on the head. “Your absolute worthlessness when it comes to talking with ponies or being acknowledged in any way makes you the perfect mare for sneaking around! You’re our Ninja! I can’t believe we didn’t notice you had that ability!” She blinked. “Wait a minute. We didn’t notice? Dear Celestia, you’re good!”
Fluttershy frowned. “I’m… glad to be useful?”
“No, no. You’re useless at being noticed. Don’t get it mixed up.”
“Oh. Well, that’s… kind of heartbreaking.”
“Heartbreaking and awesome!” Dash grinned one more time before turning around and walking down that second corridor once more. “Now, let’s see if we can hide from the guards a little more and get away from here as soon as—”
“May I ask what you two are doing here, ladies?”
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash froze. There was a guard in front of them, wearing the kind of face one would expect to see on a parent who just discovered his baby is licking a lemon on fire for no reason whatsoever.
“Well, that was predictable,” Dash muttered. “I’m kind of amazed it took you so long to show up. I thought this place is supposed to be heavily guarded.”
The guard squinted even more. “I’m still waiting for an explanation as to why I shouldn’t call my colleagues in here to drag you to our dungeons, ladies.”
“Aren’t we already in the dungeons?” Dash asked.
“Uh. Well. Technically talking, yes, partially, but…” The guard blinked. “Hey! You don’t need to know any of that!”
“We actually do!” Dash said. “You see, regardless of what you heard me saying a couple minutes ago, there’s a perfectly rational—and legal—reason for us two to be here! So just listen to my perfectly believable and well thought-out story, and—”
“Yeah, so, long story short, I kicked him in the head really hard and we flew away,” Dash said.
“Atta girl!” Applejack offered her hoof to Dash, who promptly bumped it with one of her own. “Wish Ah could’ve done that myself.”
“Heheh. Yeah.”
They were all back at the house in Canterlot, sitting at that giant round table they had. After kicking the guard, Dash and Fluttershy had run for the exit as fast as they could, and soon they had found Applejack waiting there, still trying to go unnoticed. It still had taken Rarity half an hour to get out of there, but eventually, they had all managed to escape without the guards chasing them down.
“Yeah, that’s because I kicked that one really hard. He’s probably still sleeping,” Dash said. “And I made sure to look at the whole section of the casino we were at—all memorized, Twilight! I can draw you a map in twenty seconds flat.” She smirked. “That’s a weather pegasus for you!”
“You sure just one look is enough, sugarcube?” Applejack said. “Have you ever drawn a map before?”
“AJ, please.” Dash smiled at her. “I’m a pegasus! If we didn’t know how to draw maps with just one look, we would get lost the minute we flew a couple miles away from home. A little bit of directional sense is a must if you have wings.”
“Well, I’m glad you had such a successful afternoon,” Twilight said, smiling. She was still smoking a little, just like Pinkie Pie. “We too had our fair share of success, right, Pinkie?”
“We only exploded the basement twice!” Pinkie said, clapping. “And we baked three more cakes! Spike helped!”
“Exactly!”
“Also we’re out of chamomile tea now.”
“There. See? Spike wasn’t in the story because he was baking cakes,” Twilight said, “and you said you didn’t want to hear about cakes!”
“I also said I didn’t want to hear the Rarity part of the story, and you ignored me,” Money Bags replied, frowning.
“It all makes sense now!”
“Actually, it still doesn’t make any sen—”
“Yep.” Twilight nodded to herself. “It all makes sense now.”
“This is certainly a change from what we brought to the table yesterday,” Rarity said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with your education today, Applejack, but I figured getting some information out of Money Bags was important, too.”
“Oh, don’t worry.” AJ smiled. “Ah figured a big part all by myself, after all. Ah just need to work on my accent a little more and that’s all.”
“And you did get some amazing information,” Twilight said, smiling at Rarity. “Are you sure it’s good?”
“Believe me: it is.”
“But is it going to be that easy?” Spike asked, munching an emerald he had brought with him. From the, uh, cake baking he’d been doing. Cake baking with emeralds. “The accent thing? After two days of intense training, you haven’t gotten anywhere with that.”
“Oh, please.” Applejack waved a hoof. “Ah’m sure once Ah get the core of it, we’ll go through it faster than Apple Bloom’s runnin’ durin’ Bow Burnin’ Day.”
Fluttershy frowned. “Why does the Apple Family have one of those anyway?”
“Miscellaneous reasons,” Applejack said.
“Spikey is right, though,” Rarity said, frowning. “I’m afraid my initial approach was not good enough to teach you anything, Applejack. Maybe I should try something different?”
“You’re the expert,” Applejack said, shrugging. “Ah just know Ah gotta look stiff and narcissistic all the time.”
“Hmmm…” Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Stiff and narcissistic, you say…?” Then she blinked. “Oh. Oh, my! I think I have an idea!” Her voice got a little higher with every word, as if she couldn’t contain her excitement. “Applejack, sweetie, your accent is crude, inelegant, obnoxious, and full of grammatical mistakes!”
“Gee. Love ya too, Rares.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t realize it earlier!” Rarity laughed in that ‘oh-hoh-hoh’ way that she had. She was the only pony in existence able to laugh like that without sounding like Santa Hooves. “Approximately a quarter of the nobility talks exactly that way, only in a slightly different crude, inelegant, obnoxious, and full of grammatical mistakes accent!”
Applejack blinked. “Wait. Are you implyin’ that Ah…?”
“Exactly! Oui, oui, mon ámie!” Rarity said, beaming a bright smile. “You’re going to learn how to talk with a Pfrench accent!”
Silence.
“Wow,” Dash said. “That was surprisingly mean-spirited, even for you.”
“Oh, shush.” Rarity waved a hoof. “You know I have nothing against that beautiful language. It’s just the Pfrench ponies I hate.”
“That actually makes it kind of worse.”
“Then, if that’s already solved…” Twilight looked at Dash and Fluttershy. “Did you take a good look at the rest of the casino? We need a map of the whole thing, not just the part Dash was dragged into.”
“I couldn’t really look at it,” Dash confessed, frowning. “It’s kind of big. I think that, if Fluttershy helps me, we can map the whole thing in a couple days or so...”
“Actually, that’s not necessary,” Fluttershy said, smiling. “Remember how I saw you being dragged away while I was at the store, Rainbow?”
Dash blinked. “Um. Yes?”
“Well…” Shy took something out of the bag she’d been carrying since she had rescued Dash and put it on the table. It was a map of the casino, complete with the locations of all windows, tables, security rooms, stairs, and emergency exists. “That wasn’t the only thing I spotted.”
Absolute silence.
“Oh my Celestia,” Twilight muttered, mouth open wide. “They are selling this? Seriously?”
“Seeing how unconcerned with casino secrets Money Bags is,” Rarity said, “I can believe it. I’m surprised they weren’t giving it away for free.”
“Um.” Fluttershy giggled. “They kind of were. It was a promotion, they said.”
Silence.
“Now, I know what you’re going to say,” Money Bags said, raising a hoof, “and I kindly ask you to restrain yourself.”
“I’m just surprised nopony tried to rob your casino before,” Twilight said. “That’s all.”
Money Bags rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on! It’s just a map of the public places of the casino. None of the important bits are drawn on it.”
“Well, of course. Not even you are that stupid,” Twilight said, nodding. “But it helped us a lot. We finished our preparations way sooner than expected.” She sighed. “Just as Rarity predicted, teaching Applejack how to talk with a Pfrench accent was easier than teaching her how to talk in a basic Canterlot way, and Dash and Fluttershy mapped the entire thing in no time. It was easy for them to get into the forbidden parts of the casino, once they knew how to do it.”
“And that way was…?”
“Let Dash be Dash, and then let Fluttershy rescue her afterwards.”
Money Bags frowned. “Huh. We did get an awful lot of random terrorists this week, yes. And some of them escaped.”
“There you have it.” Twilight shrugged. “We had the map, we had the information, we had the plan… And after a while, we had the potions, too. That’s how we got ready.”
“And then, flash forward to today, when you attack the casino?”
“Yes.”
“Good gracious. I only wanted to hear this part of the story. I feel like I’ve wasted hours.”
Twilight smiled. “Oh, sorry.”
“Anyway, that doesn’t matter.” Money Bags shook his head and flapped his wings once in excitement. “Now you can talk.”
“Hmm.”
“Not like you weren’t talking until now, of course.”
“Of course.”
“It’s just that, you know, you gotta remember who’s the authority here, Princess.”
“Understandable.”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“You still feel ridiculed by the Rarity affair and want to get at least a little bit of dignity back, don’t you?”
“Desperately.”
“Figures.”