//------------------------------// // Hold Me Tight, Love Me Right // Story: Everypony's Gay For Braeburn // by Wing Dancer //------------------------------// “Come one, come all!” boomed a magically enhanced voice. “Feeling invisible? Unable to catch that special somepony’s eye? Looking for a fast way to boost your personal charm without paying ridiculous amounts of bits for personal trainers and useless self-help books?” “Well, ladies and gentlecolts, look no further!” sounded another equally loud voice. “With the super special, extremely effective and dirt-cheap Flim-Flam Personal Enhancement Need-It Serum you will have hearts fluttering your way faster than you can say ‘It works!’.” It was a rather lazy afternoon in the sleepy town of Appleloosa, but the shouting and hollering of two tall unicorns managed to interest - or more commonly, irritate - ponies out of their homes. A small crowd swarmed at the base of an old-looking wagon, a green banner plastered to it’s side with hearts and ponies centered around two bottles of liquid labeled ‘Personal Enhancement Need It Serum’. On top of the cart the Flim-Flam brothers kept waving their hooves around, their telekinetic grasps floating dozens of bottles above their heads. “The recipe is top secret, but I guess we wouldn’t be breaking our NDA if we mentioned it is based off of a potent Want-It-Need-It spell,” explained Flim, looking at a random pony and shoving one of the glass containers in his face. “But don’t you worry dear sir, the enhancement was clinically tested and approved by the National Institute of Magic Appliances! Of course, that isn’t the only ingredient in our miracle cure to loneliness! You will find various rare plants and herbs thrown into the mix, the blend being safe for ingestion, bathing and even simply dabbing a bit under your ear!” he assured, popping a bottle open and taking a swig. He then applied some to his cheeks and shot the crowd a winning smile, eliciting a gasp from the crowd. Flim jumped down from his elevated position, the pony mob parting to make room for him. The unicorn looked around for a brief while, a mysterious grin still plastered to his face. “You there, fair lady!” he said, reaching a hoof towards a brown mare. “Would you care to dance?” The crowd turned briefly to Flam as he begun playing a rather cheerful, western-accented tune, the moves of his stick against the violin not even remotely connected to the sounds heard by the audience. Nopony paid it much mind though as they watched the other brother spin and twist a giggling mare. Pretty soon some others joined, slowly transforming the gaping crowd into a haphazard dance party of cheering ponies. Dead middle there was Flim and the brown mare, still dancing in a circle, shooting her smiles that oozed honey. The fun came to an end with a loud cheer from the audience, the panting pair that started it bowing slightly. The mare kept giggling all the while, her cheeks darkened by a blush. “So, my fair lady? What say you to a bottle of champagne, a blanket and the night stars reflecting in those twinkling eyes of yours, hmm?” asked Flim, drawing a long ‘oooohhh’ from the crowd. The mare kept opening and closing her mouth, trying to stutter out an answer. She looked at the crowd for support, many of them nodding their heads or whispering encouragement. “Yes!” she finally squealed, jumping into Flim’s forehooves and burying her muzzle in his chest. The gathered ponies stomped their hooves in loud applause, muffling the sound of bits being scooped out of wallets. * * * Most of the hype died down along with the sun setting, only a few stragglers still standing in the cart’s vicinity, intent on pretending they weren’t interested in buying as much of the stuff as they could carry. Braeburn himself was steadily but surely inching towards Flim-Flam’s wagon-stall in which the two brothers patiently waited for anypony who shined some bits in their eyes. He tried really hard to not look directly at the goods, the supply of the ‘miracle cure for loneliness’ visibly dwindling away with each purchase. “C’mon Brae, you don’t really need that stuff,” he whispered to himself, his legs making another small shuffle forward. “Ah mean, it has been quite some time since you had that thing with Little Strongheart, but it’s not like ya don’t have alternatives. Is just that, ya know, yer a busy stallion.” He nodded, letting a forehoof slide along the dirt path just a little bit. “Ya got yer hooves full with apples and pies and keepin’ an open dialog between ponies and buffalo. That and the work with the apple trees - ya ain’t got time fer courtin...” “It sounds to me that our concoction is just what you need, good sir!” Braeburn let out an undignified whinny, jumping at the sound of a whisper straight in his ear. He didn’t even realise he was right by the cart, merely inches away from the set of bottles that could turn his dry spell into a thundering tsunami of mare flank. “I say brother, such a fine stallion as himself does not need our brew!” remarked Flim, shaking his head in disapproval. “Look at him! He’s charming, elegant! Look at that jaw, those eyes! Brother, this pony is a mare magnet if I ever saw one!” “A-Actually,” muttered Braeburn, the flattery burning into his cheeks, “a-ah don’t have that much...ya know.” “Impossible!” gawked Flim. “I think I see the problem, brother!” piped up Flam, looking Braeburn over. “He’s a hard-working stallion! Look at those muscles, the sun-burnt fur! Why, he could buck this wagon to Fillydelphia if he wished so! Dear sir, please correct me if I’m wrong?” “W-Well,” giggled Braeburn, his ears pinning back. “A-Ah can buck an apple tree clean of fruit in a single blow-” “See? I told you!” said Flam, puffing out his chest. “You, sir, are the reason our miracle brew exists! We are here to provide a service to the hard-working ponies of Equestria! Getting to know somepony is a long and tiring process, so why not have them come to you instead?” “That’s right, brother of mine!” chimed in Flim, drawing in a smiling Braeburn. “Why go around looking for mares that suit your fancy when it is them that should be going out of their way to seek your attention!” “B-But, eh, Ah mean, how is this stuff gonna help?” meeped Braeburn. “Ah, yes, that is a great question indeed! The answer my friend,” he whispered, lowering his muzzle to Brae’s ear, “is smell.” “Mares will be drawn to your irresistible aroma from far and wide,” assured Flim, stuffing a bottle into his jacket. “That will save you the trouble of having to look for them, ask them out and waste the precious little time you have!” “That does sound mighty interesting,” mumbled Braeburn, eying another bottle floating towards him. “All you need to do is apply it however you like! You can drink it, take a nice relaxing bath with it or simply use instead of cologne! Satisfaction guaranteed or you get your money back!” “Oh, neat!” smiled the cowpony. “So, how much do I need?” “It depends on how potent you want the effect to be!” replied Flim, floating over several bottles. “You can use as much or as little as you desire, it is 100% safe and bears no ill side-effects!” “Except for one!” interrupted Flam, drawing looks from his brother and Braeburn. “A severe case of being drowned in mare admiration!” * * * Lucky for Braeburn, it was dark when he was trying to not trip over or drop any of the bottles he had stashed in his vest. He looked like a really buff and malformed pony, the glass clinking with each wobbly step he took. He was pretty happy that he managed to buy the last six bottles, and at a pretty sweet deal of three for the price of two! The giddy pony quickly entered his home and bolted for the bathroom, depositing his purchase in a neat line in front of the bathtub. “Now, what should I do with ya?” he mused, picking up the first one and swirling the contents. He popped the cap open with his teeth and took a whiff. “Smells plenty nice. Well, Flim said it would make my coat shine. Or was it Flam?” He took a swig from the bottle and smacked his lips, rolling his tongue around his mouth. The taste was slightly minty, a pleasant apple aftertaste lingering for a few moments in his throat. With a shrug he grabbed the bottle in his teeth and raised it, chugging down the mixture in large gulps. Licking his lips, he picked up another one and poured it into the tub. It was hardly enough to even cover the surface. “Well, maybe we could, uh,” he mumbled, fiddling with the bath’s valves. The water poured down from the faucet in a cheerful stream, the miracle cure tinting it a light green. Braeburn carefully kept adding more liquid, going through four of his bottles before he filled the bath to capacity with greenish water. The room instantly started smelling of mint fields, the apples a barely feelable accent that reminded him of cousin Applejack’s mild-climate orchard. “Welp, Brae. Yer moment of truth, right? You stand here now as a regular stallion, but as soon as you emerge from this here bath? You’ll be a mare magnet like no other!” The stallion gave a loud ‘yeeehaaaaw!’ and cannonballed into the water, splashing everything around and washing the bottles across the floor.