There were twelve columns of guardsponies with twelve ponies per column, for a total of one hundred and forty four guardsponies on the training grounds. Princess Celestia knew these guards, she knew them well. She trusted them, these keepers of the peace, and each and every one of them was a familiar face.
Because of this, Princess Celestia pitied them.
She had no idea what Luna had planned, but Celestia knew that her sister would soon be up to no good and the guardsponies would be the victims of her pranking. Celestia wondered if there was a guard who would be brave enough to call Luna out on her antics.
Celestia watched as Luna came prancing out to address the guard. There was a thunderous sound as the entirety of the guard snapped to attention; a stomped hoof, the clank of armor, and the exhaled grunt they all made.
“Impressive,” Princess Luna said, her voice echoing through the training grounds.
Leaning forward, Celestia awaited the sure-to-be mayhem that was bound to happen. Luna, once the Element of Laughter, was capable of comic mischief that had to be witnessed to be believed. Celestia could see all of the warning signs; the half smile, the lighthearted way that Luna pranced, and the way that Luna’s ears kept twitching. When Luna was serious, her ears were as still as a statue.
Luna began to move down between two columns and Celestia shifted her bulk so she would be more comfortable. Celestia lay upon a lounge chair that had been placed outside for her comfort, a canopy had been erected over it, and the shade was pleasant and cool. A bowl of strawberries and a pitcher of cold raspberry lemonade had been left upon a small table beside the lounge chair.
Celestia saw a guard cringe when Luna paused to look at him.
“That tail is a little long, Private,” Luna said.
Luna whirled and looked at another guard. “And you… why would you let your fellow guard arrive at an inspection with a tail not trimmed to regulation length?”
As Celestia sat watching and listening, the guard stammered a few times and then pulled himself together. The guard’s wing whipped out in a salute.
“I have failed, Your Majesty. I will not allow such a mistake to happen again.”
“I will hold you to that,” Luna promised.
Luna began to prowl once more and Celestia, who was eager watch a little mayhem, started to feel a little impatient. She ate a strawberry and continued to watch Luna’s inspection.
Celestia watched as Luna marched up and down the rows, moving from column to column, her careful eye looking for anything that might be out of place. Celestia was not as martial as her sister, she could do an inspection if she had to, but Luna was so much better at it.
Pausing beside one of the guards, Luna leaned over and almost pressed her nose into his armor. “Private… why am I having trouble seeing my face reflected in this armor?”
“Because I have failed to polish it adequately,” the guard said.
Placing her mouth near the guard’s ear, Luna said in a loud clear voice, “Your honesty, while appreciated, will not save you. Disciplinary action must be taken. One month of guarding the latrine in your barracks. It will give you time to think about the care and cleaning of your armor.”
The guard’s whimper was audible all the way over where Celestia was relaxing.
An unseen disturbance moved though the assembled guardsponies.
There was the faint clank of metal. The ruffle of feathers as wings fluttered and then were made still. Ears moved, some pinning back, others splaying out sideways. One guard near Luna appeared to be attempting to swallow his own muzzle, his lower lip somehow pulled up over his nostrils.
“Is something wrong private?” Luna asked as she moved near the guard trying to swallow his own muzzle. “You appear to be in some distress.”
The guard gasped and then said, “Nothing is wrong, Your Majesty.”
Luna moved to another guard. “And you… is something wrong? Why are you not at attention?” Luna drew herself up to her full height and glared down at the pegasus guard.
The guard was quick to pull himself together and regain his composure.
When a nearby pegasus coughed, Luna was on him in a second. Stomping over to him, she towered over him with an imperious stare. “Do you need a throat lozenge Captain?”
Still choking, the pegasus shook his head no as he attempted not to breathe.
Unable to help herself, Celestia began to chuckle. It was a polite sounding chuckle, well mannered, something low and unobtrusive. As Celestia was chuckling, there was a blaring trumpeting blast and Celestia almost choked.
Luna, brazen as always, had done the unthinkable.
The guards immediately began to snigger and chortle. Those caught in the immediate vicinity of the blast zone, those nearest to Princess Luna, all tried to keep their composure.
They failed.
“You there, Private, tell me, what is so funny?” Luna demanded.
“Nothing,” the guard replied, and then bit down upon his own lip.
“And you! Yes you there! Corporal, perhaps you would like to tell me just what is so funny?” Luna asked as she bounded over to the unfortunate pegasus she had singled out.
“There is nothing funny! Nothing funny at all! Absolutely nothing took place that was funny!” the pegasus replied.
“Is that so?” As Luna was speaking, a loud low pitched squeal came forth.
A nearby guard choked, snorted, and then began to guffaw. Luna, always one to seize an opportunity when it presented itself, marched over to the guard who was ready to collapse with laughter.
Seeing the angry Night Princess approaching, the guard attempted to pull himself together, but failed. He kept chortling in spite of his best attempts to be silent and stand at attention.
“Is something funny?”
“No…”
“Are you sure? Did you hear something?”
“No… -snort-”
“Was there perhaps a joke made by one of your fellow guards?”
“No…”
“Was it perhaps a joke made at my expense?”
“Never that Your Majesty!”
“I think you are lying to me… I suspect that you did hear something.”
“No!”
There was another trumpeting blast from Luna’s backside.
Celestia, who was quite some distance away, could hear some of the guards wheezing and struggling for breath. There was a loud flapping sound, almost like a flag being whipped in the breeze. For a moment, Celestia almost resented her sister, Celestia understood that Luna was fearless in her actions and knew that the guard would never blame her for the horrible things she was doing.
“There will be discipline! There will be order!” Luna commanded.
There was no discipline. There was no order. The inspection of the guard had collapsed into bedlam. Several of the guard had collapsed to the ground and were howling with laughter now.
Flaring out her wings, Luna’s voice boomed out through the training grounds: “I still do not understand what is so funny!”
Reaching up with her wing, Celestia had to wipe a tear away from her eye.
“The lot of you! Wing ups! NOW!” Luna commanded.
One guard, who had somehow remained stony faced through everything that had happened, immediately dropped down into position and began to hammer out wing ups, smooth well practiced rapid movements that were perfection according to regulation specifications.
Bounding over, Luna lept onto the hefty pegasus’ back, causing him to grunt with effort as he continued his wing ups. After several moments of bobbing up and down, Luna, with her perfect sense of timing, let go and let rip just as the pegasus reached the apex of his wing up. Luna felt him drop, she had to make a careful effort to balance upon his armored back, and she realised that the pegasus was trying not to laugh. When he pushed up once more, once again, as he reached the apex, Luna tooted her own horn.
Beneath her, the pegasus collapsed with a clatter, hitting the cobblestones with a thud.
Celestia struggled not to fall off of her lounge chair as she cried with laughter. Her sides ached and she was getting a cramp in an oh so delicate place. All of Celestia’s swan-like grace was obliterated when the majestic monarch honked.
Stepping away from the fallen pegasus, Luna performed her coup de grâce. As she walked away, each step she made was accompanied by a flatulent blast, as though she was walking on whoopee cushions rather than cobblestones.
“The lot of you are worthless and weak! There will be another inspection tomorrow! Pull yourselves together!” Luna announced as she strode away, each step causing a well timed accompanying rip from her backside.
Celestia was having late afternoon tea when Luna entered the small private sitting room. Noting the smug look upon her sister’s face, Celestia sighed and summoned her good graces. It was obvious that Luna was winning so far and Celestia was determined to be a good sport about this.
“Sister… I failed to keep track of the points I made this afternoon. I was lost in the moment and having too much fun,” Luna said.
Feeling a bit surprised, Celestia did not expect for this to happen. Usually Luna was a stickler for points and would contest anything that took away from what she felt she was owed. Looking over at her sister, Celestia watched as Luna began to construct a tiny fortress out of sugarcubes.
It was obvious that Luna was happy, and for this, Celestia was glad.
“I almost feel sorry for the guard,” Celestia said.
Not looking up from her sugarcube fortress, Luna smiled. “They are good ponies. At any time they could have called me out for my uncouth behaviour. They could have shamed me. All of them chose to ignore it and and they maintained my dignity as a princess. It is humbling that they are so devoted.”
“It sounds as though you have given this some thought.” As she was speaking, Celestia took a cookie from the tray and held it up. When she was done speaking, she began to nibble upon the edge of it. The cookie was an oatmeal cookie with little shreds of carrot and ginger, one of Celestia’s favourites. As she took tiny nibbles, Celestia could not help but notice that Luna had changed.
“Tomorrow I shall make it up to them and I will give them the inspection they deserve. I believe they had fun today,” Luna said as she began to look around the table for more sugarcubes. Seeing that there was no more to be had, Luna frowned.
“I have to know Luna… how did you manage… to do what you did earlier?” Celestia asked. She knew that there was a chance that she would regret her curiousity, but she felt that she had to know. She saw Luna look her in the eye.
“Magical candies that promise to give you terrible gas. Just one will cause hours of fun, or so the package promises. I ate several packages. They were quite tasty and I was surprised.”
Celestia’s eyes opened wide. “Oh my… Luna. I hope there are no other side effects.”
“I hope not either.” Luna hesitated for a moment and then looked away from Celestia. “I shared some of the candies with various members of the castle staff.”
“Luna!” Celestia almost dropped her cookie. “How could you?”
“Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was smile and act friendly,” Luna replied as she raised her eyebrow and allowed a sly grin to spread over her face.
Taking a bite of her cookie, Celestia chewed and thought about what Luna had done. The feeling of shock and surprise turned into a feeling of amusement the longer she thought about it.
“I have learned a great deal since Nightmare Night in Ponyville. Things are different for me,” Luna admitted in a low voice that was a far cry from Luna’s usual bellow.
“I remember how things were… for the both of us… before the shadow took you.” Celestia lifted her teacup and looked down into its depths. She tried to think of all the words she wanted to say. “I have missed you sister… not just you during your absence, but also how you used to be. You were always there to make me smile. No matter how bad things might seem, I could always count on you making me smile… making me laugh.”
Luna offered her sister an awkward smile and then stared down at the table, her eyes lingering over a half finished fortress made of sugarcubes.
“The day after tomorrow I must go to Ponyville… how about you come with me and we shall go create mischief together?” Celestia asked.
Luna looked up from the table and her smile turned into a broad toothy grin. “Oh I would like that a great deal. Shall I bring candies to pass out to our beloved subjects?”