I wake at around 6:30 in the morning, an unusual time back in the past but then again, I exhausted myself off a skyscraper, which fell as I exited it, met a purple pony and her Princess all in the same day and now have to stay with her.
Overall, this first day in the future could have been better, but it could have been worse.
But it seems our dear friend, Twilight Sparkle is a morning person…or pony as it were. Gotta be politically correct around here. (Not being politically correct around here can be a pain in the ass sometimes, or correct in general, especially around the spelling)
Back to Twilight, she’s definitely a morning pony, poor Spike on the other hand looks like he doesn’t share the same feelings for the morning, looking like he got dragged out by MPs.
I think I can agree to young Spike’s feelings, I hate mornings…Tuesday mornings the most, I feel as though Monday got undeserved hate because the foolish idiots didn’t appreciate the weekend while it lasted. Speaking of which, what is the day now anyway? I forgot to ask yesterday.
“M-Morning Twilight” I greeted her with a yawn
“Morning Joel!” She said with happiness in her tone
Does nothing faze her? I haven’t seen her not excited or happy since I got here, perhaps if I get bored enough, I’ll try do that myself.
“So, uh. What’s for breakfast?” I ask
“Uh, we have Daisies, lettuce, tomatoes” Twilight said
“We have any meat? Like Bacon with some eggs or something?” I ask
Twilight was looking at me like I called her whore-mongering slutbag, which I don't think her that way by the way.
“What?” I asked
“You eat meat?” She asks
“Yeah, and veggies” I said
“How do you eat both?” Twilight asks dumbly
“I’m an Omnivore” I explained to her
“Omnivore?” Twilight looks confused
“You know? Creature that eats both Meat and veggies? Are you seriously telling not one of you damned magical beings descended from us are Omnivores?” I ask
“No” Twilight says
“Oh for Christ sake! I’ll just the lettuce and tomatoes. Stuff like Daisies we can’t eat” I sigh as my stomach rumbles.
So, guess we’re gonna have to go down the Vegan road eh? A road I hoped with every being that I wouldn’t go down…unless I can find a source of meat somewhere. There must be carnivores somewhere, surely? And also, is there seriously no Omnivores in Equestria?
“What about Spike? I know in legends when Dragons didn’t exist, Dragons were supposed to be Carnivores” I asked
“They can eat a bit of vegetables but they enjoy gems like a delicacy, and No Spike, not until after lunch” Twilight read his mind
“Aww…” Spike look disappointed
“But how would someone find gems around here? They’re valuable as hell and not too common around here” I said
“Valuable? No, gems can be worth 20 bits at minimum and they’re common all over Equestria if you look in the right spots. My friend Rarity, has a huge knack for finding some of the best gems in Equestria. Although a really well-crafted gem can fetch for 150 bits minimum and the best can sell around 500 bita. Although Dragons have been banned from Diamond stores all around Equestria after the last dragon went in and ate out 3000 bits worth of gems” Twilight answered my question
“Guy must have expensive tastes” I joked
Twilight couldn’t help but laugh at that one, I feel sorry for the poor girl dragon that dates the guy. Probably eats all the jewelry he buys for her before he can give it to her.
“You can stop laughing now, I wasn’t that funny” I said, noticing Twilight still laughing
“S-Sorry” Twilight apologized
“I think if you laughed any harder, I’d have to get an oxygen tank for you and then Celestia would kill me no doubt” I said
I swear, Twilight has a cute giggle, it’s the kind that doesn’t be heard too often but never seldom heard, I always like the giggles from those kind of girls myself, reminds me of a girl I knew in college whomever her lover was at the time would call her “giggly-bear” But she does it more than what I feel Twilight does.
So right now, we are on the way to meet Twilight’s friends, yeah I’m not TOO positive about the whole meeting someone’s friends thing. Sometimes they’re okay, other times they’re either boring as all get out or we end up hating each other.
And also, meeting the locals will lose the stares…eventually and I hope it is sooner rather than later because it’s really getting annoying, fast!
First on the list was Applejack, were they naming these ponies after random things or something here? Apparently she’s a farmer…an apple farmer to be more precise.
Going to be right honest with you, I was never a farm person and believe me, I’ve tried! But I’m not a city person either, cities are waaaaaaaay too crowded and you can’t get too many places. I like a nice sized town that is not too big but not too small, juuuuust right. (Unfortunately, the Author ran out of porridge for the reference, some girl stole the just right porridge)
“So, where is this farm of hers again?” I ask
“At Sweet Apple Acres” Twilight answers
“And which way is that?” I ask again
“Just outside of town, just a five minute trot from here” Twilight replied
“Okay” I merely say
Yep, I’m gonna need to get fitter, thanks to no cars and all and I’m still not sure on the running 100 miles an hour thing being accepted around here. I mean, it doesn’t make sense how I can run that fast yet be so out of shape. But if I get fitter, maybe I’ll run really fast?
Anyway, I see a farm pop up in my sights, which must be Sweet Apple Acres, I look to my right to see young Spike rub his stomach. I’m kind of hungry too, well lettuce and tomatoes don’t do much for me, stupid vegan future.
“Well, this is Sweet Apple Acres, Joel” Twilight says
“Yes, looks like a nice apple farm, but where is Applejack?” I ask
“Right behind ya, sugarcube” A southern voice from behind speaks.
“Wah!” Twilight jumps sending Spike on a slight hop in the air before landing back on Twilight again
I look behind to see what must be Applejack, a southern type of mare with a Stetson cowboy hat. She doesn’t seem to have any wings or horn of any kind but she looks rather muscly, I’d fear those hind legs from the looks of those legs, they’d knock a guy out cold easily. She has three apples for her cutie mark, an orange coat and yellow mane and tail colour.
“Say, who’s this fella? Ain’t seen anything like y’all round these parts” Applejack asks
“My name is Joel, I’m a human and the reason you haven’t seen anyone like me is because I’m the last one” I said
“Last one?” Applejack repeats
“Yes, he’s not lying Applejack, Joel here really is the last of his kind” Twilight vouches for me
“Ah’m sorry to hear that, would y’all like to try some of our very own Sweet Apple Acre Apples? Ya can’t say you’ve been here until you tried some” Applejack offers
Hey, free food being offered, like hell I would refuse that! Who would turn down free food?
Ohhhh…so much apples, and it’s delicious! It tastes like Heaven in your mouth, and I'm not talking about the Ice cream either! But I am filled to 110% my stomach capacity, curse you annoying food storage limits!
But unfortunately, we had to go since Applejack was busy with her farm work and there were four other friends to meet.
Turns out, the Apple family are quite huge and spreadout through Equestria ranging from places like Appleloosa and even cousins like the Oranges in Manehattan. If an Earth Pony can go into the town, there’s a 98% chance there’s an Apple there! I think the only exception is Canterlot, Equestria’s Capital city.
Another thing I learned is that ponies are divided into three main species: Earth Ponies, Pegasi and Unicorns.
Unicorns can wield magic through their horns and can do a variety of things, but apparently their physical strength does lack if the Unicorn is too reliant on magic, as a result, Royal Guard Unicorns are trained in a lot of physical activity. Apparently, grabbing their horn hard disables most magic.
Pegasus ponies are ponies that can fly and walk on clouds and they do the weather around here. Apparently, Twilight sent a letter when I said the sun and the weather go by themselves and Celestia explains that the magic throughout the planet went around the solar system that stopped Earth’s orbit. So Celestia’s magic connects the sun in order to spin the Earth and move it around orbit while her sister connectx the moon and does the same thing. Anyway, back to Pegasi, they move clouds and provide all of Earth’s weather, apparently, a racist thing back in the day of the Equestrian Civil war was to assume all Pegasi as nothing but brutes to put it politely.
Earth Ponies have a very strong connection with Earth and are masters of physical work and are the strongest of the three Physically. They can grow crops and are quite strong, you don’t want to be kicked by an Earth Pony Guard, especially the hind legs. Applejack uses this strength to kick the apples down from trees and land them in buckets. Also, Earth Ponies have an advantage of having no wings or horn to cut off to take way their skill, unless you drain their magic somehow which is very few bits of magic anyway.
A Special race that belongs only to Royalty is the Alicorn, a combination of all three pony traits, immortality, and super-charged. They have both Wings and a Horn and though their physic is that of Pegasi, the Earth Pony strength is still there. As of today, there are four living in Equestria and our dear Twilight Sparkle is one. In fact, it’s very hard to contest with an Alicorn unless you are one or have super-magic with you.
“So Twilight, which friend are we meeting next?” I ask
“Oh, I’m thinking Rarity unless I find Rainbow Dash around, she could be anywhere and everywhere in Ponyville in seconds” Twilight says
“Sounds like a fast friend” I comment
“Indeed, Rarity though, she’s a fashion sort of mare, she sews dresses and clothes of all sorts” Twilight says
“That doesn’t sound like too profitable a job, I haven’t seen anyone around here wear clothes” I noticed the ponies around weren’t wearing any clothes
“Oh, clothes here are only worn by high-society ponies or for formal occasions…or stuff like dates” Twilight explains
“Oh…okay” I nodded
“What about you? I haven’t seen you take off any of your clothes the whole time” Twilight said
“Um…well…we humans wear clothes all the time to cover our…er…private parts…let’s just put it this way, it’s sort of taboo to go in public without clothes on” I said awkwardly
“Oh?...oh! I get it now…sorry” Twilight looks confused then gets it
“It’s okay” I said
Upon 5 minutes after than conversation, we arrived at that place I saw yesterday with the thing that horses spin around at carnivals…they call it the Carousel Boutique…it’s a weird name but honestly, this future is really weird! Anyway, Twilight knocks on the door with a come in by something of a fancy type of girl voice.
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique! Where every garment is chic, unique and manifique!” said a voice that must be Rarity, and trying to make the suffixes of the words sound the same at that.
In my eyes comes a white unicorn with curly purple hair…or um…mane, same goes with the tail, her cutie mark is three diamonds.
In fact, I remember Twilight mentioning Rarity being a master of looking for diamonds. I just hope Spike doesn’t eat them all! Speaking of Spike, I don’t think his eyes of left Rarity since he got here.
“Hello Twilight darling, how are you? And you Spikey-wikey?” Rarity asks
“Oh we’re fine Rarity” Twilight answers
“So, what can I- WAHAHAAAAAA!” Rarity screams as she sees me
Nice to meet you too….
“Oh my stars, darling! Your clothes smell like they haven’t been washed for days! Oh that simply won’t do and-“ Rarity rushed to inspect my clothes
Gee, was expecting a “what are you” question! Rude pony! Goes for the clothes before asking what I am or my name. I can imagine her fighting over boots at a discount sale in a shopping mall.
“Uh…yeah…I couldn’t find a Laundromat anywhere…not that anyone even used those damned things” I said
“You must simply get those clothes washed! They smell!” Rarity exclaimed
“Nice to meet you too” I muttered
“Oh Rarity, this is Joel by the way.” Twilight introduces me
“Oh? Pleasure to meet you darling, now, what say we get some new clothes for you, hmm?” Rarity says
“Um, I sort of don’t have any money, just got to Equestria you see.” I say, feeling like a cheapskate.
“Oh that’s alright, I have never seen somepony like yourself, so that presents me a new challenge, consider it your payment” Rarity says
“That’s mighty generous of you, but you don’t have to” I say modestly
“Oh, I cannot simply allow you to walk around Ponyville with that smelly outfit on. First impressions go a long way in Equestrian society and especially if you don’t want to be judged poorly in Canterlot if you ever go there. And don’t you worry, I’ll make you the talk of the town with these outfits I’ll make you” Rarity says with an excitement in her voice
I’m already the stare of the town, but talk of the town might make it worse. But Rarity is right, I smell bad, I may as well of come out of a coffin instead of some capsule thing.
“Do I have to do anything?” I ask
“Oh no, don’t you worry! I already scanned your measurements with my magic, just give me a day and I’ll have some good outfits that look like yours but better!” Rarity says
“Well, I see this going well, if you’ll excuse us Rarity, I must find our other friends to introduce to Joel” Twilight says
“Well, goodbye Joel, if you ever need more clothes, come back to see me!” Rarity says as we make out exit
Overall, I say that went well, but now I feel really dirty now that Rarity mentions it.
“So, where next?” I ask
“Hmmm, I say we head for Fluttershy’s cottage next” Twilight decides
“Okay then” I say as Twilight leads on
Ten bucks says Fluttershy is a Pegasus. If $10 were still current in this time that is.
“Say, where’s Spike?” I ask
“What? Oh shoot! He’s still at Rarity’s” Twilight says in realization
“Oh…that’s bad?” I asked
“Yeah, he’ll never leave there! He’s attached to Rarity like glue” Twilight says
“Oh…LET’S GO!” I say
Both Twilight and I run back (or gallop in Twilight's case) to fetch young Spike back from the clutches of Rarity…