“Everything is set, my saddlebags have everything I need, my coat is brown, my mane is black, my cutie mark is a book mark, and all is right with my world”, the stallion proudly declared to himself.
At the threshold of his home he began the day like every other, on the guard for abnormalities. Finally he mustered the courage and set out for his life changing jour- work.
___________________________________________________________________________
Yeah, in case you’re wondering I’m still not gonna do anything great. Gonna go to work, have my little party and come home and rest, then the whole shebang again.
“See everything is all set… up.”
Walking into the break room I noticed a distinct lack of modest streamers that adorned the small room when there was a celebration. No disposable plates or napkins left out, no cups, no cooler of apple cider. Look I’m not greedy but this was something I was actually looking forward to and this is my one year with the company I’m sure of it, I even made as far as to make sure that I would get one for working here a year, heck they even do this for the janitor. The break room was empty though, no nothing, and that’s pretty messed up if you ask me.
“Hey Janice, wasn’t there supposed to be a party today? I could have sworn…”
“No” the grey tuft of hair groaned from behind her desk, “I’m in charge of parties and office snacks, I didn’t get told nothing so there is nothing but the boss does want a word with you”
I swallowed hard and took my leave. My boss he’s not a bad guy I swear; well he floats between office friend and insane money grubber. You never knew what you’re going to get when you stepped into his office, a pat on the back and a raise or a long winded speech about his love for money. It’s not a hyperbole to say this guy can write hours upon hours of poetry about his love for money.
Our office is bland, when I say bland I mean bland. Picture the blandest little office building you possibly can and then imagine a place that makes that little slice productivity look like Canterlot at the Summer Sun festival, yet somehow the walk into his office feels like walking to a super villain’s lair.
“Book End!”, a happy voice called as I opened the door. He’s in a good mood; praise the sun.
“Hi boss, how are you doing today?”
“I’m good, very good, but we’re here to talk about you. Take a seat”
“What’s the sudden call for? No disrespect but a lot of thing’s caught me off guard today”
“Well”, he began to climb off his chair, surrounded by bags of bits, “I know you mean your party and we’ll get to that but I have very important matters to discuss with you”, he has the weirdest fashion sense in the world.
I’m not about to say I’m on the top rung but this guy, peach coat and two shade green mane; everything in his office is green and has a monogrammed bag of money on it somewhere, even his waist coat, even his cufflinks. I know he’s probably saying something important right now but everything in this office is so loud and obnoxious I can barely keep my head straight.
“Long story short I’ve learned the error of my ways, I was going to forgo your party for the sake of saving money and I feel so bad… I’m giving you a raise and making you my partner”
Wait what?
“Wait what?”
“Yes, I learned friends and family are more important than money so I’m making you my partner, please accept this large bag of money as the first of many”, he set down a bag next to my chair.
“Sir… don’t you think this is a little excessive? I mean it was just a party, I’m fine with maybe a cup of cider and a pat on the back”
“No, no, you earned this”
“I’ve been here a year”
“A year of hard work and dedication”
“I’m under qualified”
“You’ll learn”
“There will be too much management”
“Ah that’s where you’re wrong. As your first assignment as my partner so you can learn the ropes I want to relocate you. The plot of land and house is already paid for”
“What? How?”
“It was going to be my new summer home but it will be a good home for you. You’ll learn about the town folk and if all goes well we can open a new division of the company down there”
“Where am I going?”
“Ponyville”
NO! No! Are you kidding me?
“Sir… is there any way to… not do that?
“Nope I’ve already arranged for all of your luggage to be sent there and I have an escort to take you to the train, you’re important now. Get used to other people handling the details for you”
Two large stallions came to escort, or haul, me out of the office and on to my new life.
“I WORK IN FILING! I DON’T KNOW BUSINESS I SWEAR ON MY PARENTS!!”
He ignored my last ditch effort to convince him that I was not the stallion for the job with a proud smile and a friendly wave. Okay maybe what he did wouldn’t be a bad thing… for somebody else. This was literally the worst possible thing to happen to me; seriously being diligent at work even made me get closer to that jerk destiny. Ponyville? That’s right you probably don’t know that place. It’s the crown jewel in the world of weird, it’s literally the epicenter of everything that goes wrong in this whacked out world. Villain shows up? They attack Ponyville. Monster? Attack Ponyville. The forces of nature run amok? Guess where it happens. You see the pattern? Me going there… it’s not great I’ll put it to you that way.
They loaded me onto the train against my pleas and the entire town came out to say their goodbyes. You think that’s normal? It’s not, I’ve never talked to any of these ponies. What is this?
Oh no… please no… it’s already begun. The world is backtracking, trying to remove everything I’ve done to save myself. Well I ain’t going down without a fight, unless there is a fight in which case I will back down harder than you’ve ever seen anyone back down, I will avert you destiny! And I know just how.
New objective: avoid the elements.
It was then I felt someone tap my shoulder as I watched all I’ve worked for crumble around me, “Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie!”
Damn it.