//------------------------------// // Rainbow Dash // Story: The Discord Parable // by TooShyShy //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash was a pegasus who loved flying more than anything else. She wasn't the only pony in her family to enjoy it. Her mother and father were also excellent flyers. They flew while eating, they flew while paying their taxes, and they relaxed after all that flying with a nice, long fly. Please don't ask me how they managed to have their child. On this particular day on this particular week of this particular month, Rainbow Dash woke up feeling more feminine than usual. Normally she was a brave pony who liked to punch danger in the face and eat nails for breakfast, but on that day she felt like being a normal, girly mare for once. The first thing she did after getting out of bed was to find her fanciest and girliest outfit. Rainbow Dash dresses herself in hoofball gear. Do you mean to tell me that is the girliest outfit you have in your closest? Surely you must at the very least have a cute little dress you don for special occasions. Something a deep crimson or an alluring emerald to compliment that lovely fur of yours. You'll blush immensely as you stride into the room, convinced that you are the least attractive mare at the dance. Yet the others shall seethe in silent envy as an oblivious portrait of beauty walks into their midst. You will pause, your eyes wandering to a certain Lord of Chaos. He will look into your eyes and, without words, tell you that... Buck it. Nopony cares about my fan fiction. Anyway, Rainbow Dash then started setting up a tea party in her dining room. Rainbow Dash arranges a bunch of shot glasses on her dining room table and pours orange soda into them. Take notes, ponies. This is the professional, 20 percent cooler, ten seconds flat, Best Pony approved way to have a tea party. After you finish reading this story, you can impress your friends by showing them how original and rebellious you are. But be warned, my adventurous readers: This is not for the faint of heart! Discord, Lord of Chaos, assumes no responsibility for any cardiovascular distress caused by utilizing this intense style of tea party! Now that I've gotten that out of the way, where are we? Ah, we're at this part.... Rainbow Dash took a dainty, lady-like sip of tea and contemplated the color pink. Rainbow Dash nosily slurps her tea and thinks indecent thoughts about Pinkie Pie. Why must you make my job a living Tartarus?! I know you can't hear me and aren't aware I exist, but that is no reason to ignore me! The fact that characters always pay no attention to the narrator is downright rude! Narrators have feelings as well, you know. We work from dawn until dusk, telling intricate stories to the audience and we only get paid in hugs! A nice little “Thank you” would be appreciated. No wonder us narrators have so many support groups. Rainbow Dash continues slurping her tea and thinking even more indecent thoughts about Pinkie Pie. If anypony feels in the mood to complain about Rainbow Dash having indecent thoughts about Pinkie Pie, please send a harshly-worded letter to Discord, Lord of Chaos, Equestria. Make sure that your envelope contains all of the following: Your address, your full name in at least three languages, twenty bits, a first edition of “Fifty Shades of Pony” signed by the author, three hairs from the mane of a congresspony, and a chocolate-flavored lollipop. If you cannot comply to all of these conditions, I am afraid your valuable correspondence will be ignored until I have nothing better to do. And if your local mailpony insists that Equestria does not exist, be aware that they are most certainly lying. For if Equestria is not real, neither am I, which is simply preposterous. Back to the story at hoof while all of you rush to send out those complaint letters! Rainbow Dash finished her tea and decided to have a nice, lady-like conversation with Rarity. She skipped there like a merry little schoolpony, singing a jaunty, unfortunately copyrighted, tune on her way. Rainbow Dash flies to Rarity's boutique at wing-shattering speed and crashes into it with enough force to destroy the whole building. Just as well, if you ask me. Ponies don't normally wear clothes, so I fail to see how there is supposedly a thriving fashion market in Equestria. In any case, I suppose I have to change up the story a little. A concept I am rather drawn to at the moment. Come now, Rainbow! Let's see where the story takes us now! After the impact, Rainbow Dash and Rarity are both dead. Only one place to go from here, I see. Rainbow Dash and Rarity were transported to their own personal Heavens by the wonderful goddess Fausticorn. Any resemblance to real people, places, religions, games or television shows is entirely coincidental. Ahem. Rainbow Dash's personal heaven consisted of an endless sky allowing her to fly forever. Rainbow Dash, grinning broadly, flies at an impossible speed through an infinite sky. Rarity's personal heaven was filled with clothes of every nature imaginable, a wonderful beachside villa and stallions to wait on her. Rarity is surrounded by clothes, the beach, and handsome stallions. Rarity decided to have a little drink. She ordered one of the stallions to bring her an.....I don't know. A Bloody Pony? Yes, that seems like the perfect pun. One of the stallions brings Rarity a Bloody Pony. She drinks it and becomes instantly drunk. Hold on a moment! While I would like nothing more than to explore the idea of Rarity being drunk, this story is supposed to be about Rainbow Dash, isn't it? Oh no no no! We cannot have a chapter about one pony turn into a chapter about another. But what else is there to do with Dashie at this point? The only way to continue is to wipe the slate clean. Ahem. Rainbow Dash was a pegasus who enjoyed flying more than anything else. Rainbow Dash lies in bed, sleeping peacefully and holding her Daring Do plushie. Not this sleeping business again! One more time, my dear Rainbow Dash. Let us try to be awake, hmm? Rainbow Dash was a pegasus who enjoyed flying more than anything else. Rainbow Dash flies straight into the ground at a thousand miles an hour and dies instantly. One more try. If you don't at least cooperate with the beginning, I give up. Rainbow Dash was a pegasus who enjoyed flying more than anything else. Rainbow Dash wakes up with a raging wing boner after a dream about flying. Absolutely not. Never. I refuse. This chapter is over. Goodnight, everypony.