//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1:	Cute Enough To Eat 
// Story: Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten 
// by Shark8 
//------------------------------//



The Story Wherein
Rainbow Dash Eats a Kitten



Chapter 1:	Cute Enough To Eat
(Or: A Tasty Sort of Accident.)


“Hey Rarity!” the boisterous voice resounded across the Carousel Boutique, startling the addressee enough to cause her to jump in surprise.
Rarity put a hoof to her chest and took a calming breath, trying to feel her heart fall back into a normal tempo.
“Rainbow Dash, don’t scare me like that!” Rarity chided.
While it was true that Rainbow Dash could be surprising, it was nothing compared to their mutual friend Pinky Pie, who could somehow seem to be everywhere at once… and one time, after a small incident at a certain pool, that did come to be the case it was often Rainbow Dash who pulled a solid second in ‘surprising’ and pranks.
In short, the rainbow-maned pony was the penultimate pony on Rarity’s “Likely to Startle Me” list which, oddly enough was a real list, and kept between the pleather and rhinestones. (The third item was “Disco staying dead”, which explains the rhinestones.)
“Wah? Why would you be scared?” Rainbow Dash asked as she entered the room. “It’s not like I snuck up on ya.”
“Well, if you must know… my attention was elsewhere.” Rarity reluctantly replied, then smiled a big genuine and almost giddy smile, “Opalescence had kittens!”
“Huh.” Rainbow Dash trotted forward an looked into a basket that was at Rarity’s feet.
Inside, atop cloth scraps, were several little kittens: two black & white tabbies, an orange tabby, a black& white “tuxedo” pattern, and a calico. They squirmed fitfully at times and caused Rarity to coo with delight.
“Aren’t they just cute enough to eat?” Rarity asked, her eyes closed as she basked in the pure saccharine cuteness that she felt wafted from the basket at her hooves.
“Um, yeah.” Rainbow Dash said dryly and without enthusiasm. Her friends should know by now that Rainbow Dash wasn’t about “cute” — it was simply too girly to be awesome, and therefore had to be discarded with disdain or else she would end up being a dork.
“So, anyway, I need a favor Rarity.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh? Do go on.” Rarity said, opening her eyes and evaluating the pegasus from hoof-tip to withers already ready to start planning an outfit for her.
“Ah, well, you see the Wonderbolts are having a get-together and they invited me…” Rainbow Dash began, only to be interrupted by a squeal of delight from Rarity.
“Oh, I know just the thing! It’ll be a gorgeous gown, you’ll look so cute in — you’ll love it.” Rarity looked almost ready to bounce around like Pinkie Pie did.
“Ah, well, it’s only semi-formal…” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof and hoping that would be enough to stave off the ‘cute’.
Rarity’s reaction, however, was utterly unexpected — her joy seemed to instantly melt away leaving a sort of angry irritation in its place — narrowing her eyes, she glared at Rainbow Dash.
“Semi-formal.” Rarity said, disgust evident on her voice, “Why must you vex me so!? Not formal enough for something fancy, but not casual enough for average, normal attire. Agh! Make up your mind!”
“Um, well… if it’s a bother I can go somewhere else.” Rainbow Dash said, backpedaling towards the doorway.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Rarity said, enveloping Rainbow Dash in magic and dragging her back into the room. “I won’t have you going in anything that’s not perfect. You stay here, I’m going to go look in my storage room for some patterns I bought last year that might do.”
And with that the white unicorn left Rainbow Dash alone in the main room of the Boutique. For several minutes everything was fine, but then Rainbow Dash began to get bored. She looked at the various knickknacks around the room, the different cloths, even a mannequin that was wrapped like a mummy for some reason. Eventually she came back to the basket of kittens.
Alright, so they were kinda cute. — Not that Rainbow Dash would ever admit it.
‘What was it that Rarity said?’ Rainbow Dash thought to herself, ‘Ah, right… “cute enough to eat.”’
‘How would that even work?’ Rainbow Dash asked herself as she picked one up out of the basket and held it in her hoof.
‘Maybe…’ Rainbow Dash opened her mouth and placed the kitten on her tongue… it felt weird. Really, really weird. The fur tickled her tongue and suddenly she felt ridiculous for even touching the kitten. She reached up to grab the kitten when the door to the Boutique slammed open and a voice yelled out “Hey Rarity!”
That was enough to cause Rainbow Dash to inhale/gasp in surprise, swallowing the poor defenseless kitten — it wiggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, imagine that!
“Has Opal had her kittens yet!?” The voice, Sweetie Belle, yelled.
“Yeah, I wanna see them!” Apple Bloom added, shouting over the sound of Rainbow Dash’s coughing fit.
“Oh, hey Rainbow Dash.” Scootaloo said, trying to ‘play it cool’ and, for the most part, succeeding. “Are you here to see the kittens too?”
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash choked out, “Something like that.”
“Oh, here they are!” Apple Bloom cried, plucking a kitten from the basket, “Look at this one!”
The one she held up was the black & white “tuxedo” patterned cat.
“I’m gonna call him Double Oh.” Apple Bloom said, nodding her head in satisfaction.
“Double Oh?” Sweetie Belle asked, giving a questioning look to her friend.
“Yeah, he’s all dressed up like a secret agent.” Apple Bloom explained.
“Why would a secret agent be dressed up?” Scootaloo asked, “Wouldn’t they want to, you know, stay out of sight?”
“I don’t know, they just do! Ask Pinkie Pie. If you don’t believe me.” Apple Bloom said, slightly incredulous at her friends not believing her.
“I like this one.”  Scootaloo said as she picked one of the kittens out of the basket and then smiled as she held him up. “He looks like a ‘Zazzles’ to me.”
“Do you want one?” Sweetie Belle asked, offering one to Rainbow Dash with her magic.
“Um, no I already had one.” Rainbow Dash replied, rubbing her barrel as if to sooth her stomach from a rough meal.
“Oh, ok…” Sweetie Belle said, disappointment written on her face.
That was when Rarity returned from the back room, fairly prancing with happiness as a few patterns and fashion magazines hovered in front of her. Her gasp was enough to freeze everyone in place.
Well, everyone except the kitten that was in Sweetie’s magical grip. The kitten fell towards the floor with a suddenness that contrasted with the paralysis everyone else was experiencing.
Inches before it hit the floor Rarity’s magic enveloped the kitten and gently deposited it in the basket.
“Sweetie Belle — I’m very disappointed.” Rarity scolded without raising her voice, the tone and contents both tearing into their target far more effectively that yelling or shrieking would have.
Rainbow Dash coughed once, breaking up the stillness that had descended and drawing everypony’s attentions — well, everypony except Apple Bloom who took the opportunity to place Double Oh back in the basket with a mental promise of ‘I’ll bring you a laser-watch later.’
Rarity made her way to the basket and checked on all the kittens… though, something seemed a bit off she couldn’t seem to put her hoof on it. In any case, all the kittens in the basket looked to be none the worse for wear.
“And you Rainbow Dash… why would you just let them do something like that?” Rarity asked, glaring up at the Pegasus, “I thought you were more mature than th… right.”
After a few moments where Rarity just looked at Rainbow Dash she broke the awkward silence with “Just leave, I’ll have your outfit ready in two days.”


*     *     *


Rainbow Dash felt bad for disappointing Rarity like that, it was made all the more intense because Rainbow Dash knew she should be more responsible.
She made her way to her favorite café and ordered her usual lettuce and asparagus on rye sandwich, which sat on her plate as she poked at it with a hoof and thought about the whole incident with the Crusaders and the kittens.
Eventually she ended up putting the sandwich in a tortoise-box for Tank, stuffing it in her saddle bag, and wandering around Ponyville.
After several hours she found herself roused from her daze by her stomach growling loudly. Looking around she quickly saw that she was in front of Ponyville’s pet shop.
Remembering the sandwich, she pulled it out of her saddle bags and looked at it… it looked utterly unappetizing, but then her stomach growled again. She forced herself to take a bite but it was disgusting.
She looked up at the display and, as she saw the kittens, her mouth began to water. It looked like Rainbow Dash’s body knew what it wanted, and it wanted kittens.
Rainbow Dash shrugged and entered the pet shop, having a kitten really did sound good.