The Poisoned Barb

by ManlyDerp


Interlude 3 {RE-EDITED}

“Halt! State your name and business here.”

“Barbara The Dragoness; Property of House Shine, Assistant to Apprentice Dusk Shine, Squire to Prince Solaris... I’m here for a tea party.”

“... Papers?”

I reach into my purse and promptly hand to the armored mare before me the letter I had received about half an hour ago. “Right here, ma’am,” I nod curtly.

With a quick pull of yellow magic, the unicorn observes the broken seal and scans the letter itself in silence before floating it back to me. “Everything seems to be in order,” she reports aloud to the twin guard on the other end of the double doors. Said doors were soon opened widely with the glow of both yellow and grey tinted magic, allowing me access. “The Prince will be with you in a bit, Miss Barbara. He is currently occupied with the day court.”

Stowing my papers away into my small strapped purse, I nod my head in understanding to the two stoic guardmares. “Thank you kindly. Keep up the good work, ladies. Tell Gleaming Shield I said hello!”

Both the magically turned white ponies smile at me warmly in reply, momentarily lowering their guard as I strut in between them. “Will do, Barb,” they speak in good cheer as they gently close the doors behind me.

I find myself alone in Prince Solaris’ personal bedchamber, waiting for our meeting. As always it was properly maintained and in tip-top shape. Not a chair or cushion was out of place, nor a book missing or left out. Dusk’s room is usually kept in much the same state in a bid to imitate his mentor… but he’s only able to keep it that way because I’m the one who cleans it for him every night. Quite humorous when you consider how much of a neat freak Dusk usually is.

Unbeknownst to him, he’s imitating Solaris in this respect as well.

It’s much the same situation here, after all. The castle’s staff members are the ones to be impressed by, not the Prince himself. Flung tomes and discarded scrolls, with blinds never pulled and a bed rarely made; only those who’ve stayed in his room for an extended period of time, not simply for small pleasant chats, get the opportunity to see just how messy this so-called god can be.

And don’t get me started on his personal lavatory.

Taking this into account; Solaris, despite being Prince this land and a physical incarnation of might and magic, can be charmingly huma-, er, equine when he wants to be...

… But enough about the room.

With my clawed feet making small clicking noises against the marble flooring, I make my way towards the tea table by the balcony and prepare to wait for the Prince's arrival. I set my flowery garnished purse, with all the papers within it, gently down upon the table as I climb up into my raised seat. One of the maids must have adjusted it for me in advance, the dear. I wonder if it was that Twinkle Scout filly Gleaming told me about; the one she’s considering for guard training...

Speaking of Gleaming, I quite love this purse she gave me. It was actually a Hearths Warming Eve gift I received from her last year, you see; during my second year with her and Dusk’s family. I gave her a scarf in exchange, as was the tradition of the harmonious holiday, along with a new book to Dusk Shine in return for the book I knew he was going to give me.

I find it funny how close of friends Dusk’s BSBFF (big sister best friend forever) and I have become over the two years I’ve officially been a member of House Shine. I find it funny because while she’s really the only gal friend I have in this world, her double was a pony I knew next to nothing about. I remember the Royal Canterlot Wedding in one hundred percent clarity, thanks to little Ashley rewatching it religiously for three months straight after its airing. Changelings, arias, conveniently appearing older brother and foalsitter, Sonic Rainbooms, “out of character!" ponies, according to Ash; I remember it all. Not really sure what I’m going to do about that day, honestly… outside of congratulating Gleaming, of course. But anyway; I knew next to nothing about Shining Armor from the show, yet I was able to become fast friends with Gleaming regardless.

Maybe it was because she never really treated me like a child, maybe it was because of the obvious concern I held for her little brother’s well being, or maybe it was because she thought of me like family; the fact remains that the two of us have really kicked it off over the years. Their parents don’t see me like that, like family, but I ultimately find this to be fine. The fewer new family and friends I make here, the less pain I’ll feel once I start to outlive them in a hundred years or so…

… Oops, I made myself upset. Time for a change in topic.

I wonder what Solaris wants of me today? I understand why he wants a status report on Dusk’s condition; not only has it been a while since my last report, but this is also a big day for both him and the Prince! If Solaris wants to be reunited with his little brother, just as Celestia was reunited with Luna, then Dusk needs to be in tiptop shape for the trials about to befall him. I know that things are going to be alright, but Solaris doesn’t have this same guarantee.

So I understand why I’m here for that reason; to make sure everything is in order for Prince Solaris’ grand plan. I understand that... but I don’t understand why I’m here for the other thing though… The book…

… Aaaaannnnddd it’s at this point that I remember why I’ve been doing nothing but reminiscing about this stupid clean room and my stupidly pretty purse or my stupidly stupid complex family life. It was all so I wouldn’t drive my equally stupid little self insane with worry with what the Prince is going to ask/interrogate me about concerning that book! That damnable damn book!!

My thoughts begin to race as my earlier panic swiftly resurfaces. ‘H-how did he know I got it for him?! How did he know it was me?! W-was he already planning on giving it to him?! Was it just by complete chance that Twilight ended up reading it today when she did?! Did I actually not need to do anything?!

‘... Does the Prince actually know about me?! Does he know now because of one stupid little screw-up?! W-what would he even do to me if he found out?! W-would I be locked up, or banished… or locked up in the place I was banished to?!?! Oh God oh God oh multiversal God Oh-’

Inhale

Exhale

“... Well... it’s safe to say that I am not ready for this meeting right now. Not in the slightest...”

Calm down, Barb. Calm down. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill here. This isn't anything new. Solaris is always doing these kinds of things to you and Dusk; secretly challenging you or tricking you into answering hidden questions.

“… Remember what happened two years ago in this very room, girl.”

“… Right, right… Right.”

 Inhale

With another deep breath of air, I try to calm myself down even further. Relaxing in my chair, I ultimately decide to take my mind off of such stressful things by now doing distracting; like organizing my notes. Thus I carefully remove all of the scrolls I wrote up about Dusk out of my purse and lay them neatly on the table. “Let’s see… List of spells learned… Past day by day schedules… Dietary log… Current readings portfo- huh?”

A couple of blank pieces of paper suddenly appear in my claw, having found themselves mixed in with my many scrolls.

“...”

I blink blankly at their… blankness for a time, my mind devoid of thought as I stared. A second later I find my eyes drawn to the magical clock hanging off the wall behind me, and to the time currently being displayed by its pair of han-, sigh, hooves...

“... Am I really that early?” I mumble to myself quietly, looking at the time. “It’ll still be a while before the Prince gets done with court…

“... Will writing help me take my mind off things?

“... I know it will…

“...”

Though I remain silent for a moment longer, contemplating my options... I eventually pull my sealed-up inkwell and quill from out of my bag and set them before me on the table. “What should I write about though?” I ramble aloud. “What should I write what should I write...?”

… Should I write the next entry in my journal? W-would that be a wise thing to do right now though, seeing as how I’m possibly under suspicion? Should I tighten up my notes on Dusk instead then, in case the Prince is actually more concerned with that? Hmmmm…

“... Ma’am, you need to wait your turn just like everypony els-”

“Do you know who I am, wench?!”

“Unfortunately yes, ma’am.”

“I am-, wait, what was that you peon?!”

“I said unfortunately no, ma’am.”

“... Very well. Sadly for you, I do not have the time to enlighten! Now allow me entrance!”

“Ma’am-”

“OUT OF MY WAY!”

The doors to Solaris bedchamber were suddenly thrust open with the aid of golden magic. A tall, white-furred mare then strut herself inside with head held high. Her golden mane flows down her withers as she trots along towards my table.

“I am allowed in here, peons,” Princess Bluebelle tells the guards haughtily, her horn extinguishing its glow. Before even so much as laying an eye on me, she spins around on the spot to further yell at the guardmares; unintentionally sticking her compass rose cutie mark right in my face in the progress. Bleh. “My uncle, the Prince, said so!”

“But ma’am,” the unicorn guard from earlier tries to argue, but she's quickly gets cut off by the princess in name only’s loud “Hmph! No more ‘buts’ out of you, missy! I am going to have my time alone with my uncle early today and that is the end of that!”

Flaring her horn yet again, the double doors start slamming themselves on the two helpless guards. It was only thanks to Equestria’s admittedly, excuse my language, backward-ass laws about royalty that the two hadn’t already flattened the spoiled brat into a pancake by now. Thanks to the work of nobles and politicians throughout the centuries; royalty, even in name only, were virtually untouchable. Gleaming Shield has a few choice words concerning the setup, especially in regards to how it could theoretically freeze the entire stupid army if all the princes and princesses were to just so happen to disappear… but I digress.

It was in understanding all this then that I quickly shoot the kind guardmare from before a sympathetic look through the rapidly closing doors just as she was shooting one right back at me.

SLAM

… With that I find myself alone with my least favorite pony in the world.

“Stupid tin suits,” the royal unicorn grumbles to herself, beginning to turn. “Just who do they think they’re dealing wit-”

“Hello, Princess Bluebelle,” I nod curtly to the mare, freezing her in mid-turn. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

“...”

"..."

The white pony quickly turns right back around and starts banging on the doors.

“Guards! GUARDS!” she shrieks. “Come quickly! A dragon! A dragon has come to steal the castle’s treasury!”

“It’s nice to see you too,” I reply to myself, chuckling under my breath as the grown mare continues to lose her tiny mind.

The doors open a crack, and one of the guards sticks her head in briefly to explain that I was Solaris’ scheduled guest for the hour, before retreating to her post on the other side. The princess slowly closes the door after that, and shakily turns back my way, before once again staring at me in silence.

"..."

"..."

With aloof claw movements, I casually gesture to the open chair on the opposite side of the table for the Princess. “Take a seat, Bluebelle,” I offer kindly with a false warm smile. A chuckle escapes me as I add “I promise I won’t bite, I’m a vegetarian now!

“...Now~”

“...”

With a gulp, Bluebell reluctantly crosses the gap between us and sits herself down in Prince Solaris’ personal chair. The ‘poor’ thing must have been too nervous to notice. Heh.

“H-how do you know my name, lizard?” she demands fearfully. “The griffon’s believe that a dragon knowing such a thing is b-bad luck. I’m elected to believe the same… speak!”

I wave a claw in the air between us, causing the pony to cringe. “Oh,” I begin cheerfully enough. “I don’t know… Must have picked it up during my two years in your service… maybe, possibly… Who knows?”

“... You speak of lies.”

“I speak of grown mares with bedwetting problems.”

“IF YOU WERE IN MY SERVICE ONCE THEN YOU WOULD PERFECTLY KNOW THAT AL-”

“All facts and details pertaining to and or involving Princess Bluebelle’s life, work, being, or possible secrets are property of the Bluebelle Estate and are not allowed to leave said estate in any form under threat of legal action against the guilty party and all those involved… Believe me now?”

“...”

“...”

“... I would have remembered employing a reptile.”

“You don’t even remember your own mother’s birthday, young lady.”

Bluebelle simply stammers aimlessly after this; spouting half-formed rebuttals and unfinished rants. A good minute of this later and she eventually clams up, and settles on turning away completely.

“... Brew tea or something, lizard.”

“Don’t know how,” I lie with a shrug, returning my attention to the blank piece of paper before me. I tried to think of a topic to write about, but the Princess’ sudden appearance had admittedly knocked my train of thought clear off the railroad tracks.

Princess Bluebelle; adopted niece of Prince Solaris. Once every fifty or so decades the Prince will adopt a random noble’s son or daughter and turn them into high royalty. “It’s a tradition dating back hundreds of years, Barb,” Dusk once told me. “Though originally the nobility wasn’t allowed to participate in the drawing, years of legal battles and disputes eventually made it so that they were the only ponies allowed to be chosen.”

Were it not for my original family and current family, I think I’d have a hard time choosing between living in Equus or Earth. Both can be scarily similar in several respects.

Thinking about it now, the Princess sort of acts as a weird living counterargument to my earlier claim that this world is real. For example, Dusk Shine is a book smart stallion who is kind of a neat freak as well as just plain kind, yet he can also leave a library in shambles when he needs to find a specific book, and he kinda has a small sprinkling of that Canterlot's self absorbed-spirit in him. Gleaming Shield, meanwhile, is a hard-working mare whose dream was to become a soldier who could protect everypony. She’s a combination of strong, smart, clever… and also a giant card slinging, D&D/O&O loving, Power Ponies die-hard, neeeeeerrrrddddd. Then there's Prince Solaris who is benevolent, knowledgeable, and powerful beyond compare; yet his choice of weapons are deceitfulness, misdirection, straight up lying… Eh, you get the idea.

Princess Bluebelle, in comparison to them all, is a spoiled brat…

… And that’s it.

She begins and ends with this simple description. She’s not multifaceted like my friends and family, she’s not secretly deep. She is, surprisingly enough, still a one-note cartoon character. Good grief. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think that the first pony I was able to fully understand, in their language, was this overgrown marefilly...

… I suppose some good came out of my time with her staff though. From ages three to five; those hard-working ponies, despite not caring about me in the slightest, taught me so much about this world. So much…

“...”

My eyes once again find themselves staring at the blank piece of paper before me.

After a bit… a smile begins to form on my lips.

“... Hey, Bluebelle?”

“... What?” she asks, not even turning to address me.

With quill in claw and inkwell ready to receive it, I raise two fingers to my forehead and give the unicorn a mocking salute.

“Thanks for the inspiration.”

Putting a slash through the first few accidentally written English words, I switch to Ponish to avoid suspicion as I begin to write about the hardest two years of my second childhood.