//------------------------------// // dIsCoRd // Story: Paradox // by CCC //------------------------------// vworrrrrrrrp... vworrrrrrrrrp...vworrrrrrrrrrp The blue police box fading into view wasn't the strangest sight to be seen, on this plaid field, under the butterscotch sky. A flock of cherry pies flew past as the doorway opened, and the miniature elephants ran and hid under the giant shoes. “This is not what I expected ancient Equestria to look like,” admitted the Doctor, stepping out onto the rough plaid surface. “The Reign of Discord,” said Twilight, trotting out behind him. “Given the clue we're foll-” “Did I just hear somepony call?” asked Discord, appearing right behind them. The TARDIS door instantly slammed shut. “And I don't believe I've seen either of you before,” added the draconequus, with a nasty grin. “In fact, I'm quite sure that little miss magical over there -” he nodded at Twilight - “didn't even exist a moment ago. Isn't that interesting?” “I'm a time traveller,” said Twilight, promptly. Next to her, the Doctor sighed and facehooved. Discord raised an eyebrow. He snapped his talon, causing a tall glass of strawberry milk to appear, along with a straw that had more loops and twirls than a drunk Wonderbolt. “We're actually looking for somepony,” continued Twilight, nervously. “Perhaps you could help us find him?” Without changing his expression, Discord raised the crazy straw to his mouth and drained the glass. He tossed the empty glass into a passing toffee cloud and then, quite suddenly, spat all of the strawberry milk out again, soaking Twilight. “Time travellers?” he yelled. “Yes,” said Twilight, her mane dripping with strawberry milk and her flower drooping. “From the future. We're actually trying to track down another one...” “Yes,” said Discord, nodding at the Doctor, “I can see the similarity.” He swooped closer, and the Doctor backed away nervously. “Is that a dye job? Are you going grey and trying to hide it?” “Um, well, no, I -” began the Doctor, but Discord just rolled his eyes. “Bored now,” he said. “Did you know what the other guy can survive?” “Practically anything?” asked the Doctor, nervously. “Are you implying that there might actually be another way to hurt him?” asked Discord. “One that sticks, I mean? You'd be amazed what he can survive. He could probably even live through that 'eternal night' he keeps going on about.” Discord looked up at the horizon. “And what do you know, here he comes now.” “Another way?” asked the Doctor. “You've actually found a way to -” There was a distant, but continuous, scream from behind a nearby cream donut hill. A squadron of tap-dancing giraffes clattered by. “- cause harm to him?” A spinney of trees ran past, hotly pursued by a beaver with a chainsaw. “Oh, I'd hardly call it harm,” said Discord, leaning one elbow on the Doctor's head. “It's great, really; your average pony just breaks apart so easily, but he, ah, he is durable.” The distant scream was getting louder now, accompanied by a quieter sound, as if of somepony singing. A swarm of Peruvian death butterflies went by, pursuing a dog on a pogo-stick. “It's just a pity he's such a dull and humourless fellow,” continued Discord. “Though I have been trying to figure out the secret to his durability, and if I can provide it to other ponies, then perhaps I won't keep breaking my toys all the time...” Paradox rounded the cream donut hill while Twilight was staring in horror at Discord. He slammed straight into the Doctor, knocking both timeponies to the ground. He was being followed by a singing harp. I know a song that irritates people, irritates people, irritates people I know a song that irritates people, and this is how it goes! I know a song that irritates people, irritates people, irritates people I know a song that irritates people, and this is how it goes! “I've had Louise following him around for almost ten years now,” grinned Discord. “How could you?” asked Twilight. “Those are ponies we're talking about, not toys!” “Eh,” said Discord, waggling his lion paw. “Same thing. It's not like I don't put them together again afterwards. More or less. Sometimes. Hey, watch this!” Discord reached into nowhere and pulled out a giant hammer. He swung it around, and slammed it directly onto Paradox – or rather, onto the spot where Paradox had been. Paradox leapt aside at the last moment. Discord frowned, and started producing water balloons from nothing; Twilight wasn't sure what the balloons were filled with, but normal water balloons don't start small fires where they land. Somehow, Paradox managed to dodge them all, even the ones that turned around and tried to hit him from the rear. Then he ducked, spun, and kicked Discord in a spot that would hurt any male. Discord's pained screech was green and tasted of apples. He promptly vanished, with a pop. Paradox growled. “Come to gloat, have you?” he asked. “Not in the least,” said the Doctor, firmly. “Just trying to find out exactly what you intend to accomplish.” Paradox snorted. “Gloating,” he said. “I was once you, Doctor. I know what you're thinking. How do you think I dodged the fire balloons? I remembered their trajectories, Doctor, because I've seen them. Through your eyes.” “No,” said the Doctor, “I don't think that's right.” Paradox roared in anger, leaping at the Doctor; only to be caught and lifted away by Twilight's telekinesis. “I'LL KILL YOU!” he screamed. “I'LL HIT YOUR TARDIS WHEN IT FIRST ARRIVES, DAMAGED AND LIMPING – I'LL KILL YOU, TWILIGHT, BEFORE YOU KNOW TO AVOID ME – I'LL SHROUD THE ENTIRE PLANET IN ETERNAL NIGHT AND DESTROY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN!” “Annnnnnd that's that,” said the Doctor, heading back to the TARDIS. “Come on, Twilight, we should get going before Discord gets back and tries to add us to his 'collection' of time travellers. I know when to go next, now.” “Coming,” said Twilight. Paradox apparently found something funny; he burst into crazed laughter as Twilight carefully moved him far enough away that he couldn't rush the TARDIS while the door was opened. * * * The moment Twilight stepped into the TARDIS, the flower in her hair wriggled and bent. And there was another movement in her mane as well. Twilight stopped walking, the door clicking shut behind her. “Um...” she said, nervously. And then the strawberry milk that still soaked her mane shifted, reaching out one long, strawberry pseudopod in the direction of the TARDIS control column... ...but even as it did so, Twilight's flower slurped it down, drinking the strawberry milk and developing a rather large bulge on the lower end. “...what just happened?” she asked. “I'm... not sure,” admitted the Doctor. He pulled on a lever, and the TARDIS slipped out of normal time. “How much do you trust future Discord?” Twilight considered the question for a few moments before replying. “I... trust that he wouldn't permanently harm me,” she said after a bit. “Then you're probably safe,” said the Doctor. “Whatever the strawberry milk from the younger Discord was going to do, the flower from the future, reformed Discord prevented it. Have I shown you the chameleon arch yet?” “What? No, but...” Twilight trotted hurriedly towards the Doctor. “Perfect time to show you,” said the Doctor, hurrying deeper into the TARDIS. “I think I know what's going on with Paradox, and it's... really not pleasant... but I need to make sure.” “Doctor, when are we going to?” asked Twilight. “Isn't it obvious?” said the Doctor. “We're going to the thousandth Summer Sun celebration.” “...eternal night,” said Twilight. “And it's probably the only time in my life when Celestia wasn't there to protect me.”