//------------------------------// // In Which Scootaloo is Sort of Like Jesus // Story: Feeding Problems // by ferret //------------------------------// Scootaloo’s heart soared as she heard Archer’s words. She hadn’t been able to go inside in so long, it had been at least a week now. And even then it was just for a precious few minutes, before she had to swap out again. Everything about her was hurting. Her hooves hurt, her leg hurt, her shoulder hurt, her face felt just terrible. Not in the sense you could ignore, but in the sense that it wasn’t going to get better again for a long time. And Apple Bloom hated her. How could Apple Bloom hate her? She hadn’t even throw up in front of them, so how could Apple Bloom hate her? Apple Bloom wouldn’t do something like that. How could she have said that to Scootaloo? How could she have... how could she have just been exactly like Golden? He had... he was just bad but Apple Bloom couldn’t be bad too, could she? Scootaloo’s heart soared because that meant she wouldn’t have to be this... thing anymore. She felt beaten, broken, messed up, just crying inside like a baby. And outside. Maybe she could even stay in, just, not being Scootaloo, letting her disappear quietly from everypony’s memory. They wouldn’t look for her all that long. And then she could... in another town... maybe... “You can’t eat her!” Twilight exclaimed threateningly, throwing herself between Scootaloo and Archer, standing over Scootaloo defensively... protectively? “Why not?” Archer whined in protest. “She’s hurt. You can’t just leave her like that!” “Hurt is better than dead!” Twilight shouted. “Do you fillies... does your kind even understand death? When you consume a pony, they’re gone! It doesn’t matter if you can make more, because they’ll be new ponies and the pony you ingested will be gone forever! Do you understand what you’ve been doing to yourself– yourselves?!” “I don’t...” Archer shrunk back, “No, I don’t understand... what are you talking about” “Twilight, please—” Scootaloo tried to protest, but she had another coughing fit. Every cough felt like she was getting kicked there all over again. “Please Twilight,” she said in a weaker tone. “I need to go in her.” Twilight looked back at the filly she was defending with wild eyes, saying, “You just don’t understand! You don’t even know that you’ll die!” “What is she talking about?” Archer whined a second time looking at Scootaloo. “Twilight, please,” Scootaloo said as loud as she dared, “Twilight, Twilight, Twilight,” until the frightened unicorn was calmed down enough to pay attention to her. Scootaloo looked at Twilight Sparkle and said, “I’m not going away forever.” “Scootaloo, you consumed Dizzie,” Twilight reiterated, “Remember Dizzie? There is no Dizzie anymore. Just Scootaloo and a full belly. That means she’s dead. You can’t make Dizzie suddenly be here again, because there is no more Dizzie to do that with!” “Yes I can,” Scootaloo retorted offendedly. “...kind of. Maybe.” “See you even admit it yourself that you don’t know!” Twilight pointed at her. “No matter how many fillies come out of your mouth, you will never—” “Only because she’s not a person yet!” Scootaloo snapped, her chest burning with the need to cough again. She was really having a hard time breathing now and it was making her dizzy. “I’ve been out long enough to be a person,” she said, “So I always come out again.” She couldn’t help but feel a bitter tone creep into her voice at that last part. Twilight just had this blank look on her face. Couldn’t she see Scootaloo was having a hard time here? Scootaloo wanted to kick her too, but didn’t think she was really up to standing up again. “Please Twilight,” she said adopting as pitiful a look as her pride would allow. “It hurts so much!” she said with a lip quiver, “I think something in my chest is broken it—every time I breathe—” she couldn’t hold it any more and Scootaloo just started coughing helplessly again. “You don’t understand what you’re doing—you—you just don’t understand!” Twilight protested ineffectually, rearing up and curling back her front hooves in sheer revolted denial before clopping to the floor again. Twilight looked like she was trying to explain but she just couldn’t get the words out, just an exasperated exclamation. “Ugggh!” Good grief did Scootaloo feel terrible. She hardly had to act to look convincing. Twilight didn’t have to know that it wasn’t the first time Scootaloo had broken a rib, or that she could breathe fine as long as she didn’t try to talk, but beyond that all Scootaloo had to do is honestly express the kind of pain she felt and the unicorn would fold like a leaf. It wasn’t even Scootaloo’s injuries that hurt the most, but that terrible look in Apple Bloom’s eyes as she uttered those words. Scootaloo couldn’t stop seeing it. Surely Twilight wouldn’t be so cruel to leave her like this? “Miss Twilight,” Archer said quietly behind Twilight Sparkle. “I understand what death is.” Twilight turned away from Scootaloo to look at Archer, still not saying anything just, all worked up beyond the point of speaking. Archer continued right away though, sounding more confident as she did so. “It used to be that sometimes when we throw up fillies, they don’t come back,” Archer said with a heavy sadness in her voice. “S-sometimes we find their bodies. There’s nopony left in there. It’s like they’re just empty... and that’s what death really is. If they fell, or... or if somepony killed them. Everything that was them is gone, and they can never exist again. T-there was one called Moon Cherry who we.. we only remember her name and everything else is just mixed up and lost, because she died before Scootaloo could... eat her. S-she liked ribbons. Scootaloo had a whole collection she had to get rid of because none of us could remember why she... what she liked about them.” Archer looked away nervously, just saying, “So that’s what death is,” and going quiet again. Twilight sank to her knees, exclaiming wearily, “Then how can you eat ponies and not call that death?” “Because they come out again,” Archer answered readily. “Come out again?” queried the beleagured unicorn. “Yes, when we... when I throw up.” Archer said, “Scootaloo will come out again.” She tried to walk past Twilight, and this time the unicorn didn’t stop her from reaching Scootaloo. It was so nice that Archer could do the talking when Scootaloo wasn’t feeling up to doing anything but working on breathing. Archer sure was a great friend. Scootaloo looked at her with unbearable hope, and Archer smiled back nervously. “I promise Miss Twilight,” Archer said to Twilight, “I would never put Scootaloo in me if I didn’t know she was coming out again.” “Just...” Twilight shook her head, “I don’t even...” She scrunched her muzzle and waved a hoof, “Just do it before I change my mind.” Scootaloo took a deep breath and said, “Don’t worry Twilight, I go inside Archer all the timehhh” and that was about all she could say in one breath. This was going to be so nice. Twilight just looked at Scootaloo with hope, and dread. Scootaloo turned to Archer who was finally standing before her, all ready to go. “Sorry about this,” Scootaloo said in a whisper to Archer. Archer understood what she was referring to, and smiled back at her, saying, “Don’t worry I can handle it if it’s only a memory of pain.” Scootaloo smiled back gratefully. Archer opened her mouth all the way, and moved forward as if to hug Scootaloo with her hooves, instead shoving Scootaloo’s head into her gaping cavernous maw. Scootaloo stuck her head in, soon wrapped in a warm, fleshy blackness, Archer’s insides hugging her from all directions. It was definitely going to happen now. Scootaloo exhaled in relief, for the last time. She felt Archer heave strongly, yanking Scootaloo right up off her hooves to dangle upside down in the air, and then it started. A familiar fluid flooded into her mouth and she inhaled it eagerly. Her battered lungs didn’t hurt when she did so though, and she kept on in one long continuous inhale. A soothing tingle penetrated her deeply, washing away the sting of all her cuts, and easing the pressure on her swollen temple, as everything about her head softened. Scootaloo couldn’t even feel the bite on her cheek anymore. The more she ‘inhaled’, the further she felt her torso and hooves sink down against her collapsing head, enveloped bit by bit by Archer’s searching lips, pulled down by eager swallows of her throat. Scootaloo’s broken bones melted into her flesh with a satisfying crackle, and her burning lungs were smoothed out by the excitement of that tickling sensation rippling through her evenly at an increasing pace. Scootaloo was giddy with anticipation as her hooves dropped closer and closer to inside. Finally, the last of her was in and Archer’s mouth shut closed behind her. She did it. She was safe! Nothing could get Scootaloo now, because Archer was all around her, with no openings to expose Scootaloo to danger. Even as the sweeping ticklish ripples threatened to overwhelm her, Scootaloo dallied in that sheltering cavity a few moments, just curling up inside Archer’s gullet comfortably, pressing her out like a balloon. Scootaloo enjoyed the most how Archer kept squeezing down on her reflexively, like being hugged but so much more tender and moist. But every loving squeeze increased the undeniable tingles until she couldn’t hold back anymore, and Scootaloo felt an immense wave of satisfaction fill her to bursting, making her feel like she was sparkling. As it swept over her, she twitched one last time, and began to collapse. It felt like she was falling when that happened, or spreading out. Like she was stretching, waking up from a good nap, except with that thrill you get from going muzzle first, down the waterslide on your belly. Her solidity diffused into nothing, leaving her floating in place with a pleasant buzz running through her head. Scootaloo never got tired of this feeling as sensation started to return to her limbs. It was just so nice and filling. She was vaguely aware of sitting there on her back, like waking up from a dream, with a satisfied smile and her hooves wrapped around her full belly. “Oh Celestia,” she laughed joyously, “And to think I was worried this was going to hurt!” Her full belly, she was remembering filling it just now by swallowing herself, along with being swallowed, sort of like as if from two pairs of eyes. She often reminisced in these moments, such as the peculiar memory of watching herself leap at Apple Bloom in rage, before tearing out to the school as fast as her hooves could take her to get help from Cheerilee. She knew now why she’d done that, but it seemed so stupid in hindsight. She could have, Archer, stayed and fought or, Scootaloo, not stayed and fought, though currently she felt like she’d just run every time, because it just seemed silly to always fight about these things. “What do you mean?” came Twilight Sparkle’s voice to the side of her, looking down at the filly’s supine form sideways, with unease and trepidation. “Well, it’s just...” she answered, “I forgot that when you stop hurting, that it’s so relieving. So even though I was seriously beat up and couldn’t even breathe, now that I can, it’s nicer than I felt before I ate. Instead of feeling like it still hurts.” Twilight paused, “...Scootaloo?” she asked in a probing tone. “No, I’m still Archer again,” was the reflexive response. The deep blue filly, named Archer for lack of a better literary technique, scrunched her muzzle up at the silliness of that statement. “I’m still Archer,” she settled on eventually, though both ways felt right to say. Gosh, she had gotten up to so much the past day. Did she really save Dizzie and that—that other one from the thunder? And oh my gosh Rainbow Dash was—” ... Twilight was probably wondering why Archer was rolling on the floor laughing out loud. “Ehehthe the hoof... Hoofy the hoof!” Archer tried to explain, dissolving into giggles again enough her feet kicked in the air. Twilight cleared her throat. Archer stopped giggling, feeling a bit worried. She hadn’t thought she’d been offending Twilight, after all. She looked up at the unicorn, a few giggles still settling in her chest but otherwise attentive. With a speculative look, Twilight continued, “It’s just, you said you were beat up and couldn’t even breathe, and now you can. But it was Scootaloo who was beaten up.” Archer rolled over and sat up, nodding and saying “Yes I was Scootaloo just a little while ago.” “So... you changed from Scootaloo, to Archer?” “That’s a good way to put it, Miss Twilight!” Archer agreed brightly. “Then who was swallowing you?” Twilight declared with a gotcha look on her face. Archer blinked at that, thinking furiously, trying to figure out what Twilight was trying to catch her with. Was there something unfeasible about her current situation? What was going through Twilight’s head? “...I was?” she suggested hesitantly. “But you said you were Scootaloo back then,” Twilight countered, “Not Archer!” Archer shook her head, “No, I only said I was Scootaloo back then. You are the one who is saying I wasn’t Archer.” “I– d–ugh,” Twilight flipped her tail in frustration. “I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. Are you Archer, or are you Scootaloo pretending to be Archer? “Well, um, I’m all blue, as you can see,” Archer said looking at a hoof and waving it before her in demonstration, “So I’m definitely Archer,” She thought about Twilight’s question, still trying to imagine Twilight’s perspective why she would ask it. She was a normal pony, so she’d never ever gone inside before, but what was that like? It must be awfully lonely. “Yes but,” Twilight paused searching for small enough words, “Without your body, which one of those would you be?” “Um...” Archer sat forward, fiddling with her hooves nervously stalling while she tried to figure out a satisfactory answer. “Um, without my body, I don’t really see... the... difference?” “The difference,” Twilight explained, “Is that right now either you are Archer, or you are Scootaloo pretending to be Archer. Or some mish-mash of both.” “Oh I’m definitely Archer,” Archer replied, “It’s just I can’t tell the difference between being Archer and pretending to be Archer.” “When you’re pretending,” Twilight said fussily, “You can stop pretending!” “But when I’m not pretending, then I can start pretending,” Archer pointed out. “It’s the same thing.” Twilight frogmouthed silently, before squinting at her and exclaiming, “When did you get so smart anyway?” Archer blushed and said, “Um... I’ve always been pretty smart, but... you never asked me much before.” “Well yeah that’s because Sc—” Twilight stopped in the middle of her sentence, staring off. “Oh wow, I’m doing it too,” she said in a note of realization. “It’s okay, Twilight I understand,” Archer said, walking forward and patting her hoof. “It’s confusing for me too. Scootaloo is more there than Dizzie or Bee were, or even me, so it’s not as simple as just remembering. I maybe won’t act like Archer sometimes. Sorry...” Twilight smiled and shook her head, “Don’t worry about that, Archer. Just act as you normally would and that will enable me to get the most unbiased samp– to understand you the best.” Archer smiled back brightly and said, “Rainbow Dash was right. You have to be the nicest pony I’ve ever known!” Twilight blushed at that, saying, “Oh well, clearly you’ve never met my friend Fluttershy. I think you would like her.” “So you’re studying us?” Archer said crouching in excitement. “What have you found out so far?” “Well,” Twilight said smugly, and then she stopped, “No, before we get into that we should see about getting Scootaloo back.” “Oh,” Archer said, looking aside nervously. “I’m just so excited,” Twilight said eagerly, “I’ve never been able to see it before! As soon as you do it, we can go over my research findings.” Archer paused, tilting back on her hooves, then said, “Say, wouldn’t you rather measure it with your um, instruments or something?” Twilight gasped, “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Wait right there I’ll go prepare the laboratory!” Twilight skipped stairs going down, setting up the quartz light and the encephalomometer and her brand new scanner, and dragging out the good old endoscope. Then she looked over her research notes on the consumption process, mentally kicking herself for not having looked over the scanner recording before coming to rash conclusions about the capabilities of these beings. She carried the crystal upstairs to where she had a slide projector that she could probably jury rig to play back the images. The slide projector had the wrong kind of refractor though so she’d have to go take a trip to the Wait, where was Archer? Wait, what was she doing?! Scootaloo! Twilight dropped—grabbed the crystal, then carefully placed it next to the projector. She stuck her head out of the projection room, but Archer wasn’t in the main lobby anymore. How long had Twilight been at this anyway? She checked the owlclock, less than ten minutes not too bad. But Archer sure wasn’t waiting where she had been anymore. “Archer?” Twilight called out, checking the kitchen, looking around the back rooms. Nothing. For that matter where was Licky? She wandered through the dimly lit bookshelves keeping an eye out for either of them. “Archer?” she called out again. There was the sound of hooves scuffling behind her. Twilight spun around, but they were already in the other wing. Was Licky playing hide and seek? Twilight didn’t have time for this. She had to find Archer in order to get Scootaloo, in order to not be an accessory to completely horrible foal murder. But in the quiet, Twilight almost felt like she was alone in the library. If not for those hoofsteps. Archer would keep Licky from running outside, but where was Archer already? Twilight paced into the other library wing after the hoofsteps, where she found Licky sitting alone in the center of the room, looking up at her with big eyes. “Hello Licky,” Twilight said deliberately to her. “I wish you could tell me what Archer is—” the retreating sound of hooves caught Twilight’s ear. “Hold that thought,” she told the orange popsicle pony, turning around and charging out after... nopony was out here in the hallway. “Archer, this isn’t funny!” Twilight said exasperatedly. Of course there was no answer. She tracked around like a detective trying to see or smell where Archer had gone, but she was no earth pony and she was not ready to rely on magic just yet. Though it wouldn’t be long at this rate. Why was that filly hiding from her? She finally tracked down Archer during an exhaustive search of the west wing, making sure this time to search the shelves in a calculated order, such that no enterprising filly could sneak out past her again. There she found Archer utterly engrossed in reading... volume 13 of the tax code for the year ZDP. Upside down. “Oh, hello Twilight I didn’t see you there!” Archer loudly declared, looking up from her book. “I don’t know what game you’re trying to play, Archer,” Twilight said acidly, “But you’re going to cough up Scootaloo right now. You promised!” Archer fidgeted saying, “I will Miss Twilight. I just... I mean, you know, your instruments?” “Very well,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “No more stalling though. Let’s get down to the lab.” Archer looked at her blankly, and then said, “O-oh you can go first, I have to um... put this book awa–” “Let’s go together,” Twilight insisted. Reluctantly the little blue filly stood on her hooves and walked alongside Twilight. The way her shoulders were slumped it was like Twilight was leading her to the gallows! But it was just to restore Scootaloo to working order, right? It occurred to Twilight with a twisted sort of relief, that if they have been lying this whole time, it therefore would not be the murder of an innocent. The very way that Scootaloo reached for her own end was just... ugh. But whether it was a truly unforgivable act or not, Twilight had to at least try to see whether they could completely reverse the process. She’d never get the chance to see it, if she just turned this pony over to Creature Control. If only Archer would stop displaying this bizarre avoidance,, then Twilight could alleviate her suspicions and everything would be just fine. But Twilight couldn’t shake the chilling thought: why else would Archer be acting this way, if she didn’t know that—put to the test—she would be unable to perform as promised? Licky actually tried to protect Archer, suggesting some form of nonverbal communication actually was possible between the two, but the protection’s effectiveness left a lot to be desired. Twilight left Licky up there pounding furiously on her rump, while Archer just laughed nervously and pretended Licky wasn’t even doing that. Archer tried to misdirect her one more time, but Twilight stopped her before she could get even one word out saying, “No. More. Talking until we are in the lab.” So at last Archer was down in her brightly lit basement, up on the examination table with a glum look on her face. Twilight affixed the encephalomometer helmet on top of Archer’s tangled mane, and adjusted the scanner to cover Archer’s abdomen set on wide spectrum. She looked at the endoscope thoughtfully before setting it aside silently, deciding against trying that until she better knew what she was dealing with. “Alright Archer,” Twilight said in a forced pleasantness, “As you promised earlier, make Scootaloo come out again!” Archer looked at her and gulped, and said, “I um... I... I can do it I promise but I’m kind of ...hungry now so I need to eat more before I can do it.” “Oh, hungry are you?” Twilight said with a sweet smile, “Well then, let’s just get you into the kitchen for something to eat!” “T-that’s okay I’ll just wait here,” Archer said fiddling with the helmet on her head. “Oh no,” Twilight said drawing up to Archer and using her magic to undo the straps and lift off the helmet. “We’re going together just in case you might you know, get distracted and run off while I’m busy preparing something.” It was with great reluctance that Archer followed her into the kitchen. Twilight’s mind was screaming alarm bells at this behavior. She had to hurry. Twilight didn’t actually stop to prepare anything, but simply went with what worked before. That is to say, her bag of quackers. “Here you go Archer,” Twilight said hovering the open bag before Archer, “Eat as many as you want, until you’re ready to make good on your promise!” Licky was there too, but Twilight pulled her underneath her so that she couldn’t reach the quackers to get into them. Archer looked at the bag like it was a snake. She slowly drew out one quacker staring at it and then unexpectedly burst into tears. “Please Twilight,” she dropped the quacker and begged, “I don’t want to be Scootaloo again!” “You promised!” Twilight shouted at her. What was so upsetting? Archer’s panicked despair was making fear rise in Twilight’s breast. She didn’t know how to deal with creatures like this. Was this what Pinkie warned about? Why wouldn’t they eat? “I will!” Archer shouted back, her voice cracking, “Just j-just maybe later when I’m ready to—” “No!” Twilight snapped, levitating the quacker Archer had dropped, “Not later! Now! You are going to produce Scootaloo, and you are going to prove your innocence to me, and you are going to like it!” Archer’s response was to run full tilt out of the kitchen. Twilight tried to snag her telekinetically, but while doing so, Twilight tripped over Licky, or rather Licky’s efforts managed to make her stumble. “Ugh, Licky don’t—Licky!” Twilight shouted at the puzzlingly furious mute filly, while Archer vanished around a corner. Twilight opened a closet in the main hallway, where some winter wear was hung, and threw Licky in there saying, “Stay there! I’ll be right back!” shutting the door and running off to keep Archer from going to the expansive rear section of the library. Oh but no, Archer wasn’t heading there. She was heading out the front door! “Archer!” Twilight shouted at the fleeing pony, “If you leave this library and don’t produce Scootaloo, then I am going to have to call the authorities, and I am going to have to tell them you killed Scootaloo!” That was enough to make Archer freeze in her tracks. She turned to face Twilight tearfully, saying “But, but b-but...” Cheerilee gallopped back to the classroom as fast as she could, but of course the crazy librarian hadn’t taken Archer there. Twilight and Archer were nowhere to be seen among her foals reaching the end of recess. There was still no sign of Scootaloo either, and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had probably headed further into the orchard instead of returning to the playground. Whether the three of them would be in trouble for fighting as well as truancy remained solidly in their hooves. After thoroughly searching the school house with no sign of either the blue or purple pony, Cheerilee looked out down the hill and across the river, where that unusually large oak tree was growing up out on the edge of town. Cheerilee gazed back at her students here, who might need her help, but they seemed fine, running about their recess without a care in the world. Some were even singing a pleasant tune today, well humming it anyway, incorporating it into their hopscotch games. So, with a reluctant last look, Cheerilee went gallopping down the hill, making a beeline for the library. Once Cheerilee burst in through the front door, the situation was shocking to say the least. Archer was crouched there on the floor with a harried looking Twilight approaching her aggressively, hovering what appeared to be a bag of quackers. “Twilight Sparkle!” Cheerilee shouted accusingly, “What are you doing with that filly?” “Oh, this?” Twilight said in a disturbingly practical tone of voice moving the quacker in the air for demonstration, “I’m just giving Archer a little snack. Nothing she can’t handle.” At that point, Twilight Sparkle began attempting to force feed quackers to Archer. Cheerilee just ran forward and shoved the unicorn away, but there was already a spell blooming on her horn and Cheerilee found herself knocked off her hooves by an equally powerful burst of arcane sorcery. “You don’t understand!” Twilight bit out to Cheerilee, “She needs to eat these quackers or she won’t make Scootaloo again! I’m saving her life!!” Archer whimpered out, “Twilight, please!” “Eat it!” Twilight shouted incoherently, leaping at Archer just as she got to her hooves and tried to flee. Cheerilee ran at Twilight shouting, “You can’t do that to her!” but her cries were ignored. Twilight then attempted to catch her in a force bubble but she managed to stomp out of it dodging quickly as out of the corner of her eye, Archer ran deeper into the library. Twilight turned her head too, and ignored Cheerilee to immediately give pursuit. “Twilight, I swear!” Cheerilee screamed frustratedly, charging after the unicorn. Rainbow Dash wasn’t having a good day. First off, she had to work, and second off, her mind was totally too blown to concentrate on work. Twilight said she’d take care of the three fillies, and that was great because Rainbow had no idea how she would possibly keep that many kids under control. There had been another one that morning! And that one could’ve made another one! And that was getting to be way too many fillies. Were all the fillies at the orphanage because of that? That couldn’t be right though because Scootaloo was afraid to go to the orphanage, so that meant the orphanage didn’t—the cloud Rainbow was working on burst into wispy fragments as she kicked it too hard. “Meadow muffins,” Rainbow Dash swore. She turned a sworl to pressurize the missing cloud causing it to form together again, but that’d set her behind a whole 20 seconds. Plus Cloudchaser was looking at her worriedly. “Everything alright, Rainbow Dash?” the sea haired lavender pony asked her. “Oh you know,” Dash said fussing around with the vapor pressure, “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. All this time I thought it was just adopting Scootaloo, but then she wasn’t even an orphan!” “Oh, that filly has parents?” Cloudchaser said interestedly, “I haven’t ever seen them before. What are they like?” “Well! Um,” Dash looked around frantically, saying, “Oh hey look at that a real important cloud break there! Sorry I gotta go, thanks, bye” zipping over to the completely unimportant, but more importantly distant cloud break. Most of Rainbow’s work day went something like that. There was nothing she hated more than keeping secrets, and that was exactly what Scootaloo needed her to do. This was such a lame situation. If Pinkie Pie hadn’t screwed it up, everything would be fine. Speak of the devil, Rainbow managed to spot her no less than a dozen times during that morning, and every time she descended to where she saw her Pinkie was gone again. Maybe with Twilight’s help she’d be able to find her, but Rainbow Dash didn’t think any pony alone could find that hot pink ninja when she didn’t want to be found. Rainbow usually got her work done in the morning, but she was fluffing up so much she’d have to take an afternoon shift, and that meant less time to work on her routine, and that makes Dash a sad pegasus. Before that started that though, she had some free time, so she decided to check on Twilight, make sure those fillies hadn’t run rampant on her or something. Dash pulled her wings up, descending from the sky and landing lightly with a practiced precision in front of the treebrary. The door was hanging open, which was kind of odd, even for a public library. Walking in, there was nopony in the main lobby. Not a single filly to be seen. Rainbow’s ear perked at a crash in the back room and she turned her head gladly, then stupefied to see that blue filly called Archer come running out of the back of the library like a bat out of Tartarus. She had crumbs all over her face and was bawling like an infant. Rainbow didn’t even have time to react as Archer veered away from where Rainbow Dash was standing in the doorway, when behind Archer came Twilight Sparkle running full tilt, and levitating a bag of quackers like it was a battle axe. “Bring back Scootaloo!” Twilight shouted at Archer, too out of it to even notice Dash standing there looking on with a shocked expression. Then, the schoolteacher, Cheerilee ran out of the back and threw herself at Twilight saying, “No more quackers!” Rainbow couldn’t believe what she was watching. There was her best friend, assaulting Archer with a bag of quackers while Cheerilee was wailing on Twilight like it was a capitol offense. Then Licky came running out of the back, the blue eyed orange filly going full tilt to throw herself at Cheerilee. Licky was squealing excitedly, prancing after the teacher, who was chasing Twilight ...who was chasing Archer. Rainbow Dash quietly let herself into the library and turned around, carefully pulling the door closed with her wing until it clicked securely. Then she exploded into motion, shouting authoritatively “Twilight!” zooming right into Twilight’s face making the unicorn pull up short and rear back. Which in turn made Cheerilee slide out, and crash into a bookshelf. Which made Licky hop lightly onto the books that descended down upon the schoolteacher. Twilight was standing there before Rainbow Dash like a cornered animal with her legs braced apart and her breath coming hard, and that bag levitated in her magic, along with one quacker that she had been attacking Archer’s mouth with. “Drop the quacker.” Rainbow told Twilight giving her a serious intense stare. “You don’t understand!” Twilight said to her shrilly, “I have to–” “Twilight!” Dash shouted interrupting her with precision. When the unicorn fell silent, Rainbow continued, “You’re doing it again.” “I’m not—” Twilight uttered in desperate frustration. “Twilight, look at yourself,” Dash deadpanned, “You’re chasing Archer with quackers. You’ve got Cheerilee buried in books. You are doing it again.” Twilight fidgeted and fussed, but her excitement was beginning to crack. She looked at Cheerilee who had righted herself and stomped over to where she and Dash were at a standstill, then at the quackers, then at Dash and said, “But—” “No,” Rainbow said angrily. “Put down the quackers.” Twilight gently set the bag of quackers on a table in the library. The bag lay there flaccidly, looked like it was almost empty. Then she collapsed into a boneless heap. “How... did you...” Cheerilee asked, looking at Rainbow Dash astonishedly. “Just like that?” Dash would have answered, but Twilight was beside herself there, saying, “I’m sorry Rainbow I’m so so sorry Rainbow Dash I couldn’t,” she was actually shaking with sobs when she said, “I screwed up everything! I’m sorry! I couldn’t... I couldn’t save her. I should never have... I’m so sorry R-rainbow please don’t” Well it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that Rainbow Dash was completely bucking terrified right about now. But she held herself as firmly as possible, and sat down next to Twilight, laying a wing over her back and saying, “Hey now, we’ll figure something out, but what’s wrong? Why were you feeding Archer...” Archer herself had crept from the back of the library at the sound of Twilight’s sobs with a haunted visage. The little blue pony didn’t look so good. “...quackers?” Dash finished at last. “Buh–” Twilight sniveled, pointing a hoof towards Archer, “Bec-cause Archer a-ate—” Archer urked, her throat bulged, and a gigantic orange and purple blob erupted from her mouth, splatting messily onto the library floor. Now, Dash was totally cool with this you have to know. Been there done that. It’s just that a teeny little piece got on her hoof oh buck getitoffgetitoff! While Rainbow Dash danced around frantically waving her hoof, Twilight wasn’t nearly as reserved, climbing to her hooves and running directly over to the uh, forming? filly? Rainbow really hadn’t got a good look since she was getting her hoof clean all casual-like, but when she did get a good look, Scootaloo was there climbing to her hooves reluctantly. Archer had already recovered and was sitting on the floor looking down at her own hooves with what looked like immense relief. “Please tell me you’re Scootaloo,” Twilight said to the orange and purple filly, in the most aggravated and desperate tone. Scoots just glowered at her and lay back onto the floor curling up in a little ball, saying “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Pff, yeah that’s Scootaloo alright,” Rainbow Dash said with a laugh sauntering over to the filly. That really got Scootaloo to her hooves. “Rainbow—sis! You’re back!” she exclaimed. “You would not believe what happened at school today!” she muttered with a careless toss of her mane. Scootaloo probably thought she was being cool, but you can’t go from excited to cool that fast, and still call it cool. Fortunately Rainbow didn’t have to lecture Scootaloo on the principles of coolness, as Twilight decided to spontaneously hug the filly. Twilight swept Scootaloo up into a bone crushing hug. Well, as “bone crushing” as that pansy of a librarian could manage, hugging Scootaloo tightly and ignoring the filly’s immediate protests. Twilight was actually crying now, going, “Oh my goodness I was so worried, Scootaloo I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you oh my goodness I’m glad you’re okay I can’t believe it this is incredible I’m so sorry!” She went on like that for a while. “...school, huh?” Rainbow Dash said to Scootaloo unsympathetically. “I suppose that’s why Miss Cheerilee is here?” She tilted a wing over to Cheerilee, who was looking unusually statuesque for a schoolteacher. “You bett–” Rainbow Dash started to say, then she took another look at Cheerilee. “You did tell her, right Scootaloo?” Rainbow asked the newborn orange filly. “She knows about it, right?” Rainbow felt a nervousness bubble up in her, as she suspected it may have maybe slipped the filly’s mind... fillies’s minds that Cheerilee didn’t know, judging by the look of pure unadultrated horror creeping onto the faces of both Scootaloo and Archer. “Why did you do that?!” Scootaloo exclaimed at Archer over Twilight’s shoulder. “She wasn’t going to stop feeding me if I didn’t!” Archer said back in a panicked anger. “You couldn’t do it in the other room?!” Scootaloo fumed at her shaking her hooves from Twilight’s embrace. “I—” Archer’s voice cracked, “I was just trying to show Twilight. I forgot—I I just forgot ok?!” Scootaloo looked like she was going to shout back, but just went limp then, just saying dully, “Yeah, yeah you did...” “Psst, Twilight,” Dash leaned over to Twilight in the meantime, who was still hugging Scootaloo. Dash pointed a hoof at the library door. “Make sure she can’t leave,” she mouthed as quietly as she could. Twilight looked at Rainbow then Cheerilee, then her eyes widened in realization and she lit up her horn. The library door glowed with Twilight’s magic and then sealed... somehow. Unicorns. Dash then sauntered over to Cheerilee saying, “OK OK I know what you’re thinking, no wait I don’t really know what you’re thinking but it’s really important that you not freak out, and that you not run away screaming. Nopony is killing anypony, and we’re all going to just talk this out.” “Run away screaming?” Cheerilee said distantly, focusing on Rainbow Dash for the first time. Her eyes snapped to clarity then and she shouted, “What in the blue blazes is going on here?!” Cheerilee covered her mouth with both front hooves then, looking at the foals worriedly, saying “Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean... I shouldn’t have said that! What– what is— what?!” “You want to tell her or should I tell her?” Rainbow asked Twilight. Twilight shrugged, hooves held up protectively, allowing Scootaloo to escape. The filly zipped over to Archer and Licky to hover in front of them, while Twilight said, “Might as well be you,” Twilight said in a jaded tone, “You, I admit, have a way with words, when it comes to saying things precipitatively.” “Did Scootaloo just erupt from Archer’s mouth?!” Cheerilee exclaimed in utter astonishment. Scootaloo’s response was to lift up a seat cushion holding it in front of her defensively like a shield and wincing. “Yes,” Rainbow Dash answered, but before she could continue Cheerilee erupted again. “Are you experimenting on these fillies?!” she accused Twilight. “No,” Rainbow Dash answered, but again Cheerilee shouted. “How could you—” whereupon Rainbow Dash interrupted her shouting, “Hey!” Cheerilee stopped shouting, and stared forward at Twilight with narrowed eyes, before turning her head to look at Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo was busy with something behind Rainbow, but Rainbow didn’t dare look away from Cheerilee. This might be Rainbow Dash’s only chance to explain, as hard as would be to explain all ...this. She hoped Cheerilee would have the patience to listen to her all the way through. With Cheerilee’s attention focused on her and not Twilight, Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, and began her lengthy explanation. “Scootaloo is a special kind of filly who can make new fillies come out of her mouth whenever she eats too much. So, yeah.” ...maybe it wasn’t the most complicated thing to explain after all. Cheerilee gave Rainbow Dash ‘the look’ and said, “That... makes no sense at all! Archer was the one who– who created Scootaloo, just now!” “Yeah, Archer can do it too,” Dash admitted, scratching her ear. Staring through the oak grained wall in the direction of the school fearfully, Cheerilee murmured “How many fillies can...?” “Just those three right now,” Dash said, tilting her head behind her to indicate the fillies. “But what about their parents?!” Cheerilee said giving a flabbergasted look over Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “They don’t have parents,” Rainbow explained uncertainly, “They’re like, each other’s parents, or something.” “But the permission slips...” Cheerilee said hopelessly, staring forward fixedly enough that Dash had to look over her shoulder to see what had caught her eye. Scootaloo piped up from deep within her impromptu pillow fort that she had... erected sometime just now, “I’m good at signatures. I’m sorry Miss Cheerilee I didn’t think ...” Cheerilee seemed at a loss. “I... I... are you sure Miss Twilight didn’t do this to you?” “Uh huh,” Scootaloo said. “I was this way before she even came here. Sorry I didn’t say...” “I don’t believe this,” Cheerilee said, sitting on her haunches and putting a hoof on her forehead. “What are you?” There was a pause, before Scootaloo’s voice came from the fort again saying, “I don’t know, Miss Cheerilee.” “Is this why you were fighting with Apple Bloom?” There was a longer pause. “I... I tried to tell her Miss Cheerilee. She didn’t like it.” There was a shuddering breath, and Scootaloo said “She hates me now.” “Alright, enough of this,” Rainbow Dash interjected kicking the pillows out from atop the chairs Scootaloo had strategically placed. “You can’t sit in there moping all by yourself...ves... so come sit with me and we can talk about how Apple Bloom,” air quotes, “Hates you.” Dash shoved the chair out of the way and at least Scootaloo wasn’t resisting coming to sit with her. Archer and Licky didn’t come out though, just looking at Scootaloo worriedly and blankly respectively. “Come on, Scoots,” Rainbow said, but Scootaloo just stayed quiet and wouldn’t look her in the eye. “Can anypony at least tell me what the heck was going on just now?” Rainbow Dash uttered in frustration. “I would like to—” Cheerilee and Twilight said at the same time, then looked at each other. Then Twilight looked back and said, “I would like to know that myself.” “But you were the one chasing Archer around!” Cheerilee exclaimed at Twilight, “How could you not know what was going on?” “Archer was being strangely difficult,” Twilight said crossly, “And scaring me half to death. After she promised very clearly that she would be able to get Scootaloo back out, she—” “Back out of her mouth,” Cheerilee interrupted questioningly. Twilight nodded, “Yes, and I still don’t understand why she was so reluctant to do so.” “How did Scootaloo get in Archer’s mouth in the first place?!” Cheerilee exclaimed. “Oh, I ate her,” Archer spoke up, then seemed to regret doing so. “You... ate her?” Cheerilee said to Archer at the border of horror and disbelief. “Yes, I can... do that,” Archer said nervously. “It’s okay Miss Cheerilee,” Scootaloo said, “I wanted to get inside Archer.” Cheerilee shook her head violently, but Scootaloo didn’t disappear or turn into a hallucination of an ice cream cone. It was clear Cheerilee wanted something like that to happen. “I was hurt real bad,” Scootaloo clarified, “And Archer needed to make me again, so that I wouldn’t be hurt.” “Oh, that’s what was up with the quackers,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She called over to Archer, “You seriously made Scootaloo out of just that?” Archer smiled sheepishly and shrugged. Dash looked down to Scootaloo cradled under her forelegs and said,“So what’s it like being made out of quackgrass?” Didn’t take the squirt long to figure out what she meant, and Scootaloo moaned, “All I know is I never want to see another quacker again.” “Please, Archer,” Twilight said, carefully approaching the ruined pillow fort. “I’m sorry for my reaction, but you have to understand I can’t trust you if you run away like that. Why weren’t you producing Scootaloo? I was so scared, you know that right?” “I–I know, Miss Twilight I just...” Archer stood up, walking over the pillow to stand in front of the librarian. “I’m sorry...” she said guiltily, “I just... really didn’t want...” “It’s not Archer’s fault,” Scootaloo cut in bitterly, rubbing her nose on her fetlock. “She just didn’t want to be me again. Nopony would.” “C’mon Scootaloo, that’s not true!” Rainbow admonished her, “You got so much going for you, lots of fillies would love to be you!” “In particular not many fillies can heal broken bones instantaneously through total body regeneration,” Twilight helpfully pointed out. “Plus you get to be sisters with me,” Dash said with a wink. “What filly wouldn’t want a that?” Scootaloo looked up at her and tried to smile, but her smile just kind of wavered and fell, and Scootaloo had to look away again. “It hurts so much!” she cried in a sudden burst of frustration and despair, shuddering under Dash’s hooves, looking so alone no matter how much Rainbow tried to comfort her. Twilight was hovering over both of them before you could say tiddly winks saying, “You aren’t still hurt, are you?” she said with eyes widening in realization, “Oh of course! I didn’t even think it would take time to heal injuries, because of the full body dissolution! Is your leg still broken?” Scootaloo shook her head, putting her hoof on her chest saying, “No, I mean it hurts in here.” “Still trouble breathing?” Twilight asked uncertainly. Rainbow Dash gave the unicorn an insipid glare, hugging Scootaloo against herself. Sometimes Twilight Sparkle could just be so clueless, sometimes. No really. Scootaloo gave a nervous laugh saying, “I-I-I can breathe just fine. It worked Miss Twilight just like I said.” She looked directly at Twilight her voice growing spiteful as she said, “I just can’t make any friends no matter how hard I try to.” Cheerilee was walking over to Rainbow Dash’s other side opposite from Twilight, saying, “It’s wrong of you to fight, Scootaloo, but friends will get in a fight sometimes and that doesn’t mean they’ll stop being your friends.” “This wasn’t just a fight,” Twilight quietly said to Cheerilee, “Scootaloo was very, very injured when she came to me.” “How injured?” Cheerilee asked skeptically. Dash’s ears sort of went askew as it occurred to her that these mares were literally talking over her head. Nevertheless, Twilight’s summary of what injuries she observed was very accurate and um... vivid, and Cheerilee’s mouth was open in either horror or disbelief by the time Twilight got to the part about a broken leg. Dash wasn’t horrified, just... stunned that this would have happened. “Apple Bloom said I should die,” Scootaloo said dully, “She said I was a-awful and nasty and a monster. It was just like where I used to—” When Archer gasped and turned her head around, this unfortunately gave Licky the opportunity to escape, as apparantly the only thing keeping that other orange filly from more mayhem was Archer’s hold on her tail. Scootaloo looked up at that gasp and met Archer’s eyes, but continued resolutely, “No, no I might as well. I’m a... I used to live in Whinneapolis. I had to leave after my friends did what Apple Bloom... did. I won’t go back.” “Alright, Scootaloo,” Twilight said very carefully, “I want you to tell me exactly what happened when you met Apple Bloom today.” One explanation partially doubled by Archer’s testimony later, and Twilight was still shaking her head. “She just started yelling at you, and attacked you completely unprovoked?” Twilight said exasperatedly. Scootaloo started to nod, but then crossed a hoof and said, “Heh heh, I may have tried to punch her, a little.” Twilight’s face went flat. “She was telling me to die!” Scootaloo protested, waving her hooves from where she curled defensively against Rainbow Dash’s chest. “I wasn’t going to hurt her I just wanted her to stop talking like my... old friends.” “And what did she do when you punched her?” Twilight asked with an unapproving glare. Scootaloo wilted before that glare, saying uncertainly, “...she broke my ribs.” In the dead silence that followed, Scootaloo spoke up again in protest, “I didn’t keep fighting. She wouldn’t let me get away!” “So you punched her once, and she broke your ribs just like that,” Rainbow Dash spoke up with a less than trusting tone to her voice. “Yeah,” Scootaloo said honestly, “It was like she thought I was going to kill her!” “Alright,” Twilight spoke up, “We’re going to go have a talk with Apple Bloom. Scootaloo’s ears went flat. “I don’t wanna—” she started. “We,” Twilight interrupted, “Are going to go have a talk with Apple Bloom, and that’s final. I’ll be there with you, Scootaloo. I won’t let her do that to you, and she can explain just why she did calmly and rationally.” “It’s obvious why she said that,” Scootaloo said morosely, “It’s because she hates ponies like me.” “No, listen–” Twilight sighed, “Scootaloo...” Rainbow Dash thought of something, saying down to the squirt, “You’ve known Apple Bloom more than I have. Do you really think Apple Bloom would hate a pony just for doing... that stuff you do?” Scootaloo was silent. “Therefore—” Twilight started, but Cheerilee cut her off quickly. “Scootaloo,” Cheerilee said, “When a pony has been hurt, sometimes she’ll see the worst answer as the only answer. It really does seem like something else is going on here. I understand if you feel like hatred is the only way, but... at least keep in mind that other possibilities do exist, even if you can’t see them right now.” Scootaloo actually shivered against Dash’s chest when Cheerilee said that. “So, Apple Bloom doesn’t hate me?” Scootaloo suggested to Cheerilee with a faint flicker of hope in her voice. “I can say with almost total and absolute certainty that Apple Bloom does not hate you Scootaloo,” Twilight said seriously despite not being addressed. “I actually have been considering that Apple Bloom may have been possessed, or replaced by a changeling. As unlikely as either of those two scenarios may be, they are far more likely than Apple Bloom hating somepony for being different.” “That’s why we are going to find her, Scootaloo,” Twilight continued with a swish into a stately pace before them, “Because it is most certainly a simple misunderstanding, with a very tiny chance that Apple Bloom is in trouble and needs our help right away, and either way there is only one thing to do.” “Won’t it be dangerous?” Scootaloo asked fearfully. Twilight raised an eyebrow. Scootaloo blushed, and looked aside saying, “Yeah, yeah you got me.” “Don’t worry, squirt,” Rainbow called over to the reluctant filly, “With Twilight around it’ll be no problem!” “Alright,” Twilight said addressing everypony, “Rainbow Dash can you watch Archer and Licky Loo?” Dash snickered and said, “You’re really going with that name?” “It’s a good name!” Twilight said blushing in outrage. “Yeah I can watch them,” Rainbow Dash said, “And the library too. But hurry it up because I need to eat lunch and get in an afternoon shift today.” “Help yourself to whatever’s left in the pantry,” Twilight offered cheerfully. Score! “Thanks, Twilight!” Dash said brightly. “Nothing for Lick–uh,” Twilight paused in thought, “Ask Archer for feeding instructions. Now, is there anything else?” “Yes, actually,” Cheerilee said. “I’m coming along with you.” “Um, don’t you have a class to attend to?” Twilight said skeptically. Cheerilee rolled her eyes, “Yes we’ll have to stop by there so that I can tell them where I am and assign a worksheet, but,” she got a serious look to her and finished with, “I’m not letting you out of my sight around these fillies.” Twilight hung her head, “I guess you would be reasonable in expecting that. Anyway I could use your help, in case Apple Bloom can’t be made to see reason, or... something else goes wrong. I’m really sorry to be such a burden on you.” “Oh it’s alright, Twilight,” Cheerilee said easily, “Being a teacher isn’t just about teaching, you also have to be ready to protect, and discipline, and mediate if necessary.” Scootaloo stood up from Rainbow Dash all on her own, which was a relief in Rainbow’s mind. “Scuse Miss Twilight, there’s something I wanted to ask too,” Scootaloo said walking up to “purple” and “less purple”. Both of them looked down at her, and the squirt just gave this face and said, “Can we please not teleport?” Twilight laughed lightly, “Of course, Scootaloo. You think I teleport every time I want to get around? There’s no hurry, and it’ll give Apple Bloom some time to cool down too. Anyway, I think I should conserve my strength in case there is something serious involved like changelings.” “Um,” Scootaloo looked uncertain with how to word it but she spat out after a pause, “Then, you need to un-magic your door.” Twilight looked at her sealed door, and laughed again, a bolt of magic erupting from her horn and shattering the seal in a burst of magenta sparkles. The door swung open seemingly of its own will. At that, “Alright then, let’s go!” Scootaloo chirped, marching ahead of them smartly. Then she paused mid-step and turned back saying, “Uh, I don’t know where Apple Bloom is.” “Let’s start at Sweet Apple Acres,” Cheerilee suggested, walking past Scootaloo and taking the lead, “If Apple Bloom isn’t there, then perhaps her family will know of her whereabouts, assuming she’s not hiding out in the bushes somewhere to get out of trouble. In any case, her pare–her family needs to be informed of this.” Scootaloo followed after her, and Twilight followed Scootaloo out, and that left Rainbow Dash all by herself, alone in the library. Wait, weren’t there supposed to be two other fillies? There was a clatter in the back as something fell over. “Ugh,” Dash grumbled slumping her shoulders and charging smoothly into the back of the library. “This better be worth it, Twilight!” The two fillies weren’t all that hard to deal with. There was Licky’s whole not talking thing and never stopping running around, but Archer was practically a filly angel in comparison, and helped keep Licky in line. Twilight had been gone a while so they raided her pantry for cookies. She forgot to lock it again thankfully, because Rainbow Dash didn’t want to get in trouble again for breaking it to get at the food, assuming there was anything good in there. Eventually Dash managed to snuffle around until she found something, and came out with a box of cookies in her mouth. Archer said it was alright to eat a little, as long as they didn’t get too full, but it really was surprising how little “a little” was. Archer said she was satisfied after just 2 cookies, and sure they were peanut butter chocolate oat, and a filly is kind of tiny, but that still wasn’t a lot of food. Dash was starting to feel guilty now, not of underfeeding Scootaloo but of shoving food down her throat all this time. Archer made sure Licky got exactly the same amount, then sort of somehow appraised her, saying Licky didn’t look like she was going to make a filly after that. Which would have been way crazy since that’d mean Scootaloo made a filly who made a filly who made a filly. But while Dash was thinking, and sweeping the cookie crumbs off the floor, Scootaloo’s direct filly uh, progeny, Archer’s ears perked at something. “Do you hear that?” she said squinting and angling her ears at the door. Dash put down the dust brush and lifted her head, listening too. “Huh,” Rainbow Dash said, “Something on the other side of the square. Sounds like a marching band.”