//------------------------------// // It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// Deadpool teleported out of the area to the outside: the area was somewhere in Ponyville, it was night, and, being the man we all know and love and not pointing a gun to my head for not doing this chapter in the first place, wandered who he'd meet next. The door opened and he jumped into a bush, hiding from the crowd of ponies exiting the building, talking about the show he was in. Deadpool peaked out and got a closer look: Twilight had the small Alicorn-Nightmare Moon filly Nyx (look man, I was just following that woman's request, no need to put that gun to my head... No, I never read it, and neither did you.) & Fluffle Puff, who had Marksaline lie down on her back and Celesita had the horrible looking Tydal while Luna had both Nightmare Moon & Woona with her. "I must say," Luna spoke "I was quite surprised to meet you both together out of my castle before Deadpool's performance here." "Indeed." Nightmare Moon replied "I'm jot really sure why Woona here never told me about this." "We don't want wowld domination." Woona replied in a baby like voice. "Think they appeared with Tydal?" Celestia asked "What do you mean 'appeared'?!?!?!?" Tydal asked "I've been your older brother, sisters!!!" "I'll have to look into that." Twilight spoke "I'm just trying to keep an eye on these three. Nyx keeps calling me her teacher, I have no idea why Fluffle Puff keeps following me, and Marksaline... well-" "You're not easy with us, are you?" the necromporph asked "...yeah." "Don't hurt us!" Nyx pleaded "Pthphtpthptthptphpttp" Fluffle 'spoke'. "He proved himself worthy, so we won't attack anymore." Marksaline replied "But we still hunger." "These new ponies keep getting weirder and weirder." Applejack commented "Yeah," Rainbow Dash added "what's next? A pony named 'Screwball' that claimed to be Discord's and Fluttershy's Daughter?" Fluttersh froze and stared awkwardly, sweating a bit at the idea of her and Discord having a child. EW!!! I don't even want to imagine that!!! I agree. That would be terrifying. The ponies all began to leave, talking to the new, more stranger ponies around them. Something, however, wasn't right: all of them seemed to be there, but one pony was missing. Not Trixie nor Sethisto, the Power Ponies are where they belong, but who could be- "Whatcha doing?" a high pitch voice asked with rustling from a nearby bush. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, jumping out of his bush and falling onto the floor with his back. The bush moved, and Pinkie's face and mane came right out. "Were you being a ninja like how you taught the Cutie Mark Crusaders? If so, I have to say, you weren't great: real ninjas never get caught by me and my Pinkie sense... or have they?" "What are YOU doing?" "Wanted to know if you would like to hang out with me, perhaps have a slumber party." "A slumber party? I don't really-" "My sister Maud will be there." "DONE!!!" The two were in Pinkie's room, sitting on the bed together. Before, Pinkie made an arrangement for her and Maud to spend the night together while the cakes & their kids were away on a family vacation. Luckily, Maud agreed and was heading towards their area. On their bed, Deadpool, Pinkie, and Gummy had cards in their hands/hooves (though Gummy seemed to try to eat his cards). "UNO!!!" Deadpool yelled, placing down a queen of hearts "GO FISH!!!" Pinkie yelled, placing down two cards that both had two diamonds. Gummy couched out his cards with a belch. "ROYAL FLUSH!?!?!?" The two yelled, seeing Gummy had a ten, jack, queen, king, and ace all at once. Some knocking was heard below. "I'll get it!!!" Pinkie cheered with glee. "You two get along!!!" In a zip, the pink pony disappeared. Deadpool looked at Gummy and gave him a stern look. "You're luck you're an alligator!!!" Deadpool sneered at the derp eyed reptile "If you were a pony, I'd throw you out of this casino!!!" Gummy bit onto Deadpool's face, holding himself on as Deadpool got up and tried to yank him off. This alligator, despite not having any teeth, held on quite well. Deadpool continued to yank him off, but Gummy held on very tight. Pinkie ran down the stairs and opened the door: a Persian bluish gray coated with a grayish blue violet mane & tail earth pony stood there. She had a dress that was dark blue all over, had a black belt around her waist area, covering the rest of her body and cutie mark. "MAUD!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging her sister, who gave the same disinterested face & hallway closed eyes. "Hello Pinkie," Maud replied sounding both relaxed and bored. "you know this isn't part of our tradition, right?" "I do!!! I just want you to meet my new friend, DEADPOOL!!!" "...Sounds dangerous." "He is! He's the most dangerous thing we've ever meet!!! He unalived Tirek with a clean swipe from his sword. "I can still hear you!!!" Tirek's voice yelled. The two looked, as, with broken glass around, the decapitated head of Tirek lied on the floor, staring at the two. "I HATE IT DOWN HERE!!! Help me kill Deadpool and I will gladly make you my number 2 when Equestria is mine!!!" "AUGH!!! ZOMBIE!!!" Pinkie ran to the head and football kicked Tirek out of the same hole he entered, flying through space until... well, another time, we'll meet him again. "Was that Tirek?" Maud asked, having some concern in her voice "Oh, him? Yeah, but don't worry, he's no problem to us! How is he alive, though?" "GET OFF ME!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled across the house, followed by a large crash. "Is that Deadpool?" Maud asked "It is!" Pinkie responded "Give me a moment!!!" She ran to her room and opened the door: She immediately backed up, seeing Deadpool run into a wall, having Gummy still on his face!!! For some weird reason, Deadpool knocked into a record player and Ram Jam's "Black Betty" began to play. Pinkie rapidly began to run everywhere, trying to help Deadpool get Gummy off his face, but Wade Wilson kept running around wildly, not even knowing what was going on (though, he never paid much attention to anything). Maud walked in and saw the madness, as Deadpool fell the the floor, running on the floor as if he were Homer Simpson doing his 'Whooping'. Silently, but focused, she pulled out her pet rock, a pebble named 'Boulder', and threw it. Deadpool got up and Boulder ricocheted of Deadpool's head, bounced off the ceiling, and landed right back in Maud's front pocket. Deadpool fell to the floor, unconscious. "Good Boulder." Maud spoke to her pebble, pulling it out of her pocket and petting it "GUMMY!!!" Pinkie yelled. She ran over and pulled Gummy off, leaving a trail of saliva that traveled from Deadpool's face to Gummy's mouth. "Mister! How many timed do I have to tell you: NO BITING GUESTS!!!" Gummy stared into deep space. "Giving me the silent treatment, eh? We'll discuss what to do with you in the morning, but for now, it's time or you to sleep!!!" Pinkie carried the toothless alligator into the room where the twins slept in and placed Gummy in one of the cribs. She returned to her room, seeing Maud staring at Deadpool as he snorted in his sleep. "Did I do something wrong?" Maud asked "Oh, you didn't. Hang on, I know a way to wake him up." She disappeared and zipped downstairs for a little bit. Maud on curious what Deadpool really looked like, she slowly walked around and saw his 'face'. She could see lose flaps on an otherwise tight costume, making Maud even more curious. The pony lifted Deadpool's mask off and saw his hideous face!!! Her eyes opened and widened a bit, but she didn't scream, and lowered the mask back down. Pinkie came in with a fresh taco. "What's that for?" "It's Deadpool's favorite!!!" Pinkie lowered the taco to Deadpool's face. His 'eyes' opened with a snort, making Maud back up a bit, and Deadpool grabbed the taco and slammed it over his 'mouth', trying to eat the precious snack. "DAMN YOU MASK!!!" He yelled. He removed the lower part of his mask and began to noisily eat it, almost like if he were a pig. "Does he eat like that?" Maud asked "You know," Pinkie replied "I've never seen him eat before. This is just his reaction to tacos." "Sorta like you and cupcakes?" Deadpool finished his taco with a swallow and looked up. His eyes widened, his vision went all pink, and he could see hearts around his and the Bronies' Waifu: Maud Pie! Ooh!!! I'll play that cliched saxophone love song!!! I'm singing with it. Deadpool, without any warning, tackled Maud and the two teleported away! They landed right on Sugarcube Corner's roof, as Deadpool held onto Maud as if he were Tango dancing with her, having his right hand carrying her head "Oh Maud," Deadpool spoke with a french accent "zis is ze greatest moment in my entire LIFE!!! Any Brony would've killed each other just to meet you, but I, on the other hand, have now meet you, Maud Pie." "...I'm flattered." Maud replied, still sounding very bored "Yes! Zat voice!!! So dull, so lifelike, but so... engaging and funny!!!" "...what do you mean?" "Everypony I've meet has been full of energy, but you, you hold back all that energy for important thing." Deadpool's left hand index finger traveled up from her chest to her lips "Now... care for a kiss? I'll gladly take my mask off if requested." "...No." "Alright then!" Deadpool leaned in to take the kiss from a Waifu. If he had landed the kiss, then you guys would complain that he stole your Waifu and became the next Flash Sentry. This isn't the case, however. Maud right hoof extended and punched him across the jaw!!! The pain from Tirek was nothing compared to this pony's force!!! He fell to the floor, but made a 20ft wide crater, both deep and width. Maud jumped from the Rooftop, fell down to Deadpool as if she were a superhero, and began to release a series of punches across his face!!! Deadpool could only see the hooves hitting his face in rapid movements, feeling himself getting a pain far worst than anything in his life and felt the temperatures rising. That's when he figured that Maud was punching so many times with so much force, they were boring themselves across the center of Equestria's core!!! A huge punch was made, and the two flew across the air, at least five feet in the sky. A bunch of Griffons were around them , gasping at how they appeared. HEY LOOK!!! GRIFFONS!!! That's nice, but we're getting our a** kicked by Maud. They disappeared in almost a blink of an eye, as Maud released another series of punches that was like the first series of punches. Pinkie came out of Sugar cube corner, only to see Maud breach the ground with Deadpool over her head, and slamming him into the floor, making a smaller crater only half of the first she made with Deadpool. All of Deadpool's bones were broken, he lied on the floor, twitched all over the place, and he only wheezed in pain. "What happened?" Pinkie asked "Deadpool was trying to seduce me." Maud replied "So I had to defend myself. He told me that there are ponies like him that love me for who I am, all because I'm not like any other pony." "Aww. That's so sweet!!!" "...what do you mean?" "You have a chance to find your special somepony on Hearts and Hooves day!!!" "...How is that good?" "Love." Deadpool replied. Maud turned around and Deadpool stood right back up, wiping dirt on his costume but looked unharmed. "Isn't that what moves the earth around? That... plus cash... and Celestia moving the sun... and Gravitational pulls... and-" "We get it." Pinkie interrupted, now sounding a bit annoyed from Deadpool. Deadpool froze and stared with fear. "In case you haven't noticed," Maud spoke "I'm not trying to find love. I already have a family, and that's good enough for me." "Ah!" Deadpool replied. "But I have Someone you'll definitely love!!!" Deadpool looked into his pocket and pulled out a picture. He handed it to Maud, and she looked at it: it was an orange, rock humanoid looking character with blue shorts on that had a 4 on it's belt. Maud's eyes widened and she smiled! "Who is this?" "That's Ben Grimm, or, as my friends call him 'The Thing'!!!" "What type of rock is he?" "...I don;t f***ing know." "... can you take me to him?" "Uh... not really. I'm stuck here and, until somepony finds a way for me to go home, I'm stuck here." "Well... when you go, can you take me with you?" "...Sure." "YES!!!" Pinkie and Deadpool froze and gasped. Maud covered her mouth and blushed, followed by a chuckle "Sorry, he just... intrigues me." "I'm sure he does. Hopefully, the reboot he'll be in won't suck as much as those original 2 movies he was in." "...What?" "SELFIE!!!" "OOH!!!" Pinkie Yelled "Maud! Take a selfie with Deadpool!" "...Alright Pinkie," Maud replied, going back to her regular voice "only for you." Deadpool landed next to Maud "SAY 'ROCKS!!!'" "Rock." the picture was taken. Deadpool got up and hugged Maud. "How are you up so quickly, by the way?" "I have super quick healing." "...that explains that then." "My question: what is your favorite genre of music?" "...Smooth Jazz." Deadpool froze in place. He fell to the floor as if he were statue. "think I should get another taco?" Pinkie asked "...nah. He'll be just fine." The sisters left Deadpool outside as they reentered Sugercube corner. A lone figure walked over to the stiff Deadpool and dragged him away from the scene.