//------------------------------// // 4.6 // Story: How Hard Could it Be? // by Richardson //------------------------------// 4.6 “What is it, darling?” Rarity asked Sunbeam as the old pegasus squirmed, shivered, and shimmied in a circle by Twilight. She had just gotten up and started so oddly, just as they had fully calmed Twilight down from her nervous edge. Sunbeam flicked her legs and wings as her fur all stood on end oddly to fluff her out tremendously. “I feel like I’ve been dipped in syrup!” She squealed, keeping up her odd dance as she pranced about in a circle almost uncontrollably from the sensations. Rarity stood to catch her as the danger became clear, but by moving a fraction of a second too late the accident couldn’t be avoided. The circles of shiver-prancing finally carried the pegasus too far back; a movement into the inconvenient sleeping sprawl of softness known as Rainbow Dash. Catching her hind-legs amidst the tightly curled legs of the speedster was Sunbeam’s fatal step; a moment was all it took for her to fall flat upon the polychromatic pegasus and flatten the napping drakeling who rested upon Dash’s softly quivering waist. “Gyuh!” Dash muffledly mumbled as the slamming heavy weight upon her wobbled about. Spike had no words to add to the highly observant annoyance, seeing as he was slowly being squished between one pegasus a little too trim, and another who didn’t trim enough. Rolling Sunbeam off of Dash took a little bit of work, but the squirming pile of bodies soon found itself untangled with a bit of work from Rarity. The fashionata grunted as her knees quivered from the unanticipated strength of the telekinetic feedback from lifting Sunbeam’s orange form from Dash. Why, even helping the Cakes with their second MMMM hadn’t labored her quite so much, it was almost as if Sunbeam was the size of Princess Celestia somehow. “Darling, there is nothing on you. How exactly do you even know what the sensation of being dipped in syrup feels like, pray-tell?” Sunbeam quivered once more as she was laid upon the ground. “Luna.” “Ah, say no more, then. Did you have a nice nap, ‘o sleeping beauty?” Rarity asked with bemusement and whimsy as Dash slowly gathered her wits with a great deal of unnecessary yawning and stretching from her involuntary nap. Rarity smirked, snapping the tip of her mane with a toss of her head to bring the pegasus completely to wakefulness by exploiting her flight instincts. “Wha-? How did- Why am I on a pillow? Was I asleep? Is Scootaloo okay!?” Dash’s head snapped back and forth as she took in her surroundings with lightning-fast glances at a rate that left every-pony rubbing their necks sorely from imagined whiplash. Focusing intently on her half-drunk mug of tea steadfastly, Twilight perked up a little. “Scootaloo is fine, Dash. She and the other crusaders went with Captain Bubbles after Miss Sunbeam sicced them on him.” Chanting a mental mantra of calmness to herself to avoid further reminders of all of the—gah, no! She couldn’t think of them! She continued to distract herself again. “Sweetie’s song-spell worked, but the way she cast it put every-pony to sleep as a side effect. It’s been a few hours, and we were starting to get kind of worried about you.” Dash froze in place. “How many?” “Four-ish? I’ve been kind of busy.” “Four Hours!?” She was so late for taking over from Thunderlane for the day! Oh man, if he decided to break out the ‘Rainbow Dash Lightning Alarm Clock Cloud’, there was going to be so much troub—“Wait, Captain Bubbles?” “Berry Bubbles. Pinkie’s brother in law?” Twilight gently reminded amidst taking deep calming breaths and thinking about anything other than testing equipment. Memories of the party mare running off ten years before vaguely swam up in Dash’s head. Something about a super-bestest party ever came to mind as she thought back, which would explain how Pinkie had leftovers for a wedding reception before the whole craziness with Shining Armor at Canterlot. “He’s her brother in law? Huh, cool. Pinkie doesn’t talk too much about her close family, she’s always saying how boring they are.” She picked up poor, squashed Spike and set him beside her belly-up, then as an afterthought posed all of his limbs upright in the air. “We should do more of that family time sharing stuff. Like, you know, telling each other about our families a little before finding out that some-pony’s older brother exists two days before he gets married to a princess. Isn’t that right, Twi-“ “One time!” “Ah, don’t get your feathers ruffled, Twilight.” Dash languidly waved a hoof before stretching out cat-like to get ready to fly. “We ought to find out if he’s staying. I bet he parties like Pinkie.” Rarity shared a glance with Sunbeam as she stood beside the old mare. Neither particularly wanted him to stick around, even if they didn’t know the other’s reason. But, he was a song-spell of at least a little knowledge, and he would be good for distracting the crusaders. Mad comedy via revenge through foalarity did sound vaguely appealing. Besides, he was a guards-captain, he could handle anything they threw at him. Twilight mulled, tapping her chin with a hoof. “He would make a nice fit in town. He seems to be pretty good with the crusaders, and he can certainly help with getting Ponyvile rebuilt to the new standards since he’s an engineer. I know he mentioned being temporarily suspended from his unit for some reason, I hope it isn’t serious. Spike, take a letter!” Twilight’s verbal train of thought helped settle the issue for her, but her call for help was met only by a groan of pain. “Spike?” “Oh dear.” Sunbeam worriedly remarked before picking Spike up by the tips of his back-ridge. She worriedly shook him a little as he dangled from her teeth’s grasp on his protrusions, getting only a further groan from his flattened form. He limply flopped, his tongue hanging out from his yawning mouth as he moaned in pain. “Uf think ‘es brofk.” “Spikey!” Twilight blinked in a bit of worry as she looked at poor Spike. “I’ll—uh—take it myself. Could you take him to Zecora? She’s set up a booth in the marketplace today.” She worriedly mumbled to Sunbeam as she teleported a stack of loose-leaf paper and a pen over. Sunbeam raised an eyebrow at Twilight’s request, making the young alicorn squirm under the oddest sense of familiar disapproval. “I would—uh—take him myself, but I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to move right now.” Sunbeam’s eyebrow rose back to its resting position as she remembered why she had been so busy soothing Twilight, and she nodded with agreement. As she trotted for the door, Dash hovered up behind her, glancing from Twilight to the door and freedom. “Say, looks like you’ve got everything sorted out. I’ve gotta dash and stuff. So, seey-urk!” Dash’s mad dash for freedom was roughly cut off by Rarity’s yank of her tail dragging her back as Twilight got to work. Charades were performed by Rarity as she tried to silently explain why her fellow friend had to stay for Twilight, but in the end it only merited a hoof to the face as Dash didn’t get it. “I don’t speak dramatic hoof-waving, Rarity. Could you use words like every-pony else? It’s the latest thing in Cloudsdale.” Rarity wished for the strength to not put her own hoof through her face in irritation. Dragging Dash down to her level, she harshly whispered quietly into Dash’s ear while plugging the pegasus’s mouth with a fore-hoof to keep her from blurting out the wrong thing and setting off Twilight’s new subset of phobia with her big fat mouth. She nodded to Rainbow as the pegasus got it, watching carefully as the magenta pupils shrunk down tremendously. “Dear—no, too informal. To Your Royal Majesty, Princess Luna,” Twilight began, narrating to herself out of habit as she composed her letter. Dash swirled and bobbed in place as she still floated in Rarity’s aura. Her hooves crossed across her chest in still-present indignation as Rarity bobbed her back and forth like a foal might do with a doll to simulate walking. “Why are you being all formal like that, Twi? It’s just Luna.” “It’s the principle of the issue, Rainbow. She’s newly ascended to the high throne, and until she issues as a decree on what form of address to use with-“ “You say principle, I say sucking up. You’re using more big words than I do with the Wonderbolts when I try and butter them up. Seriously, you saved her, the two of you spend waaaaaay too many nights looking through that dinky telescope you used to have on your old library together doing stuff that I don’t want to know ab-hey!” Dash’s rant was cut short as Rarity dragged her over forcibly and teleported in a large brush from her boutique to menace Dash with. “What gives?” “Play along!” Rarity hissed below what she thought was Twilight’s hearing as she started combing Dash’s roiling mane-do smooth. “Why, I’m just cleaning up that dreadfully uncombed mane of yours to make up for your dirty speech.” Rarity smugly replied as she turned the pegasus on her side to better reach her mane without Dash’s panicked flailing smacking her in the face. “All the better to distract the stallions with, my dear!” “Twilight, help! Rarity’s gone crazy!” “Nonsense. It is simply bad form to bring up one’s romantic preconceptions in the context of jealousy!” Rarity teleported in a second brush to handle Dash’s tail as she kept up her work—beauty could not be stopped by mere panic and worried flailing, after all! Ignoring their antics, Twilight shook her head and continued writing. “In my last letter, I conveyed the rather unfortunate situation that was caused by the ill-conceived test attempt upon Sweetie Belle, and the proof that Scootaloo her friend did in fact possess an abnormal control upon her magic. Upon further study, we have come to a greater understanding of these two’s talents. After much study, we now believe that Scootaloo may possess the ability to unlock controlled and directed pegasi spellcasting much like that of unicorns. There seems to be some component that can be taught, as she has already conveyed the basics she has discovered to Rainbow Dash.” “My, Rainbow, what big eyelashes you have!” “Twilight! Bad touch, bad touch!” There was much flailing and kicking of hooves. “Oh never-mind her. They are all the better to blink sensuously at stallions to drive them mad with, my dear!” Rarity giggled menacingly as she carefully curled Dash’s eyelashes and applied eyeliner. “Rarity, stop molesting Dash.” “Beautifying, my dear.” “Whatever.” Twilight shook her head again, feeling the strangest urge to teleport them both to the lake. No, not strange; that was entirely normal. “There seems to be a cost in inefficiency, but we have conducted tests today that should identify the source of said inefficiency to allow sustained casting. As for Sweetie Belle, her song-spell abilities were finally safely harnessed under somewhat controlled conditions. My former tutor, Sunbeam, remarked that she believed Sweetie’s talent to be the ‘song-spells of life.’ Namely, that she seems to be able to infuse otherwise inanimate objects with life-energy or create changes within existing life. This is of great concern, for obvious reasons, and I shall monitor her carefully in the future as a precaution. For the further scientific study of how Sweetie’s—talents—may have come to be, I plan on comparing readings from her use of her talent to ones taken from myself, Sunbeam, her sister, and those of another song-spell who arrived in town today who was crucial in helping her properly focus. He is a guard captain named Berry Bubble.” Twilight nervously swallowed a gulp from her tea as something cold slithered against the fur upon her back. “Twilight!” Dash floated overhead, having been dragged back from where she had been pawing at any hoof-hold to escape the fiendish makeup supplies of the Dread Fashionata Rarity. “My, Rainbow! What pretty hooves you have!” Rarity fiendishly giggled as she pulled Dash close and plunked down just in front of Twilight to distract the alicorn once more. “All the better to polish up and bashfully prance upon!” Dash’s squeaks of helpless ticklishness were adorable as Rarity continued her remorseless, unstoppable work. Steady breaths took hold in Twilight once more, steady breaths to hold her patience against the relatively childish fights of her friends. “Captain Bubbles was apparently put on leave from his unit for being involved in unspecified events that occurred in the Everfree Forest. While as far as I am aware, these events were not serious, they may be of consideration in his future depending on what they were. He currently has taken up residence in down with his family, of which his wife is apparently a sister of Pinkie Pie.” Twilight could feel her eye twitch as she imagined the madness that would be soon to come from their mad teamups. “As of this writing, I would ask for your blessing and permission to establish a formation of the guard here in Ponyvile so as to permanently station Berry here.” Twilight’s tongue slowly slipped from between her lips as she focused deep upon trying to phrase her letter perfectly. She turned her eyes skyward, focusing on her mentor’s sun unseen above and ignoring Dash’s frantic attempts to push away Rarity’s attacks with a measuring tape and swatches of test fabrics. “My, Rainbow, what trim legs you have!” Sigh. “If he consents, that is, your majesty. Forcing a friend to take on a task they are unwilling to commit may be the fastest way to lose their trust.” Turning back from the letter in-progress before her, she glared at Dash who was half-mummified in fabrics and Rarity who had formed a tri-point hat of rejected fabric combinations. “Help!” Dash mumbled through the tape measure tying her muzzle shut. “You have magic too, now. Just saying.” “oOOoooooh.” “Oh Dear.” As Rarity screamed for the life of her poor mane, Twilight put her mind back to the letter. Dash busied herself with turning Rarity’s mane into a wind-blown twin of her own normal hair-do style as their alicorn friend put pen back to paper. “I believe that he will agree to the proposal for several reasons. First of all, he does have a family, with several children he will likely wish to keep in contact with. Secondly, Berry Bubbles was your sister’s former student just before I was, and he was taught alongside Sunbeam. From what I understand, he was a ward of the state and a close, personal friend of both Sunbeam and your sister. He was brought to her attention after being put up for adoption, and is a sea-pony. While I didn’t think they were real, likely due to their rarity, it seems his whole race has at least some moderate talent in song-spells. If he consents to a transfer, his talent may be extremely useful in assisting us in teaching Sweetie Belle the basics needed to unlock her full abilities.” “If I’m going to be uni-pretty, you’re gonna be pega-fabulous! What’s the matter, Rarity? You always like dressing in style” Dash taunted her fashionable nemesis as the two dueled with makeup and brushes. “What’s the matter? Leg-bands are all the rage!” “Twilight!” “Not helping you, Rarity.” Turning back to her letter, Twilight kept up her work, knowing she was close to being finished. “Also, I would like to request a listing of formalities and any decorum you may wish me to use while we remain under your rule. While you have not said anything earlier, I apologize if I may have undermined your position through informality. My good friend and advisor Rainbow Dash has suggested that you may wish to be informal between her attempts at fostering some twisted form of romance between us, or that my friendship with you may alter the form of address you wish me to use. I apologize if I may have unintentionally caused offense in some manner by not asking earlier.” Twilight’s pen-rasps against paper ceased as she examined her work. She really needed a type-writer, her writing was terrible. A final thought struck her, and she held her pen just away from the paper while bobbing it as if still writing. “As a final note, we may wish to schedule a joint meeting with Rainbow Dash to dispel her thoughts of a threesome, as she crudely puts it. I fear it may not work, but nonetheless we should attempt to cast down her thoughts before she begins spreading rumors. She has already been tempting Rarity to be disloyal to Spike, if their recent secret meetings are any indication.” “WHAT!?!” Dash and Rarity angrily shouted together as they paused in the middle of trying to tangle each other up in elastic bands. Twilight stuck her tongue out playfully at them as one slipped from Rarity’s hooves and bounced off of Dash’s each. “Or maybe they’re long-lost sisters separated at birth. It’s hard to tell, some days.” Twilight finished as she neatly stacked the sheets of her letter in a perfectly straightened stack on the corner of the counter just before Rarity smeared her neck with some form of makeup as the fashionata tightly wrapped her stained leg around Twilight’s neck from one side while pushing Dash tightly up against her other side. “Oh, don’t be so silly, Twilight.” She pulled Dash’s leg up and over Twilight’s side. “Aren’t you Princess Celestia’s secret love-child and successor? That’s what all the papers have been saying this past year.” “All the ponies in this town are cra-ZY.” Grumbles from a certain sandwiched purple alicorn were easily brushed off. “Nonsense, we’re the incredibly obvious distraction.” “From wha-“ The end of cycle timer on the thaumatoscope main recording console rang like an annoying woodpecker drilling into an old, neglected treebrary. “Hold her down!” It did not end well.