“Fillies and gentlecolts!” you announce. “I have travelled far from my world and I wish to share with you some of our culture. I wish to sing you a song. Music has been integral to our culture for millennia. Love! Tragedy! Compassion! Human music is the greatest of all. So today I bring to you a selection of some of the greatest works of musical genius humanity has ever produced!
The crowd clap wildly and you can see Vinyl Scratch at the back looking impressed. You clear your throat in preparation to sing. These ponies would have never heard any songs from Earth at all, you will easily be able to floor them with some of the greats.
You open your mouth to sing. “Winter wrap-up, winter-“ You stumble over your words as every pony in the audience gasps, and quickly realise that you were singing a pony song. In one terrible instant, your mind goes blank as you struggle to recall something else that you can perform. The entire back catalogue of humanity’s musical accomplishments is there for the taking.
“My name is Pinkie Pie…!” you start to sing, and stop again, cursing. An uncomfortable silence fills the room. There must be one song you can remember that isn’t pony.
With a crushing feeling deep in your stomach, you realise that there is only one human song that isn’t pony related that you know the words to. As your audience watches expectantly, you start to croon out the words.
"We're no strangers to love, you know the rules and so do I!" You look around in panic, mouthing “I’m sorry” as you sway to the groove. “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!” As you watch, several ponies clutch their heads and fall to the ground. “Never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry!” you continue, wincing as you see Scratch start to throw up at the back of the room.
With a flourish, you finish singing. There is a smattering of nervous applause from the ponies who are still conscious. “Oh oh, wait!” you suddenly snap your fingers. “I’ve remembered another song!” You puff your chest out, take a deep breath, and begin.
“Friday, Friday…” you start, but the mayor quickly bats the microphone out of your hands. It’s actually a bit relieving.
“Ah, that’s enough, I think!” she smiles sweetly. “T-thank you Brony Hero, that was an experience…”
What will you do?
Tuck in to the feast!
Claim you are Hollywood actor Nicholas Cage
Go back outside