I hate the Royal Canterlot Guard right now. I just started, and the guards decided to yank me around by playing pranks. Some of these pranks included falsifying withdraw records, replacing my weapon *a lance* with a pack of party supplies, playing the look alike game *in other words, two ponies who look exactly the same come from opposite directs and pretend to be the other one*, and of course-tying me up, gagging me and locking me in a wooden chest.
After the twelfth time this happened, Celestia actually gave me permission to get violent with them.
“With pleasure,” I said once she left.
I should mention that the whole “prisoner” bit always takes place on a Sunday, my payday. Getting back to the matters at hoof, I was now ready for Monday, and let’s just say, I never got a greater pleasure then when I was knocking some poor lance corporal’s teeth down his throat.
As for the generals in charge of supply, they couldn’t give two bits when they heard all the complaining. In fact, they wanted to increase my pay.
“Kid, you’ve got it good,” one of the generals, a one star named “Double Star” said. “Street fighting skills and able to handle some pony ten times your size. I never got into any fights.”
“Your lucky. I kept getting into trouble because I got into fights,” I said.
“You know, if you keep up the good work, you might make a double rank,” he said to me. “Alicorn Field Marshal, the top rank in the Royal Canterlot guard, and in supply, the most important job out there.”
“You’re too kind,” I said. “I’m just a simple peon here. You’re my commanding officer.”
He grinned and told me that I should keep up the good work. I saluted him and returned to work. I still had the occasional idiot, but the troops generally respected me after they heard I could hold my own. In fact, on the idiots, I remember one particular event.
It happened three days before the Hearthswarming Eve that I would turn 14. Two soldiers were coming back from a drunken night on the town. This time, instead of wanting to tie me up, gag me and lock me in a trunk, they were intending to tie up, gag and lock Celestia in a garbage can for the laughs.
“Halt, right there,” I said.
“Lishen pal,” one slurred. “I’m a four shtar general.”
“Right, and I’m Starswirl the Bearded,” I snorted sarcastically. “But I have to tell you, the Storage facilities here are closed up until the morning. So you just go to your barracks and sleep off the drink.”
“You don’t know who your messhing with pal,” his companion slurredly snarled.
I told them to go to bed. They kept slurring their threats and snarling pathetically. Now, I have no desire to be drunk, but I had witnessed this spectacle many times before and had a great understanding of it.
They gave me a dirty look and charged at me. I slipped under the bigger earth pony guard and gave him a solid punch to his stomach, causing that one to double over. His companion snarled again and lunged. I jumped up and bucked him in the sweet spot on the back of the neck, causing him to collapse.
“I told you to go to your barracks!” I snapped. “Now you’ll have to go to the medics tent.”
I called over the lieutenant from the Seventh Royal Dispatch Unit.
Name-Quickfire, pony type-Pegasus, eye color-dark orange, coat color-fiery orange, mane color-fiery red, cutie mark-a stream of fire.
“Yes,” he said. “Need me to do something?”
“Can you get the medics?” I asked, pointing to the casualties.
“You’ve got to stop knocking them around,” he chuckled. “Otherwise the rest of the guard will consider you an enemy.”
“I know,” I said. “But orders are orders.”
He rolled his eyes and was off. I sighed and stayed with the sleeping beauties. It was a short wait, and he returned with several medics and a couple of stretchers.
“Can you help us load them in?” one of the medics asked.
“Certainly,” I said.
I was never happier than when I was loading these drunks in and watching them be carried off.
Before I tell you anymore, I must apologize to you, the reader, and my biographer. I was in a hurry to get my history to him and I didn’t check my facts thoroughly enough, so the beginning is wrong on when I became an Alicorn. Here is the factual telling of when I became an Alicorn.
It was the next day, Double Star came to see me when I clocked on at ten am.
“Celestia wants to see you,” he said.
“Why?” I asked.
“Remember when I said that you’d make a double rank-Alicorn Field Marshal?” he asked.
“Yeah, but I said that it was wishful dreaming,” I replied.
“Well, Celestia said that she was very pleased with your work and I talked with her about you and she said that based upon your situation, she’d be willing to do this one thing for you,” he said.
“Wait a minute!” I cried. “You mean, at the age of thirteen, I’m to become an Alicorn Field Marshal?!”
“Yes,” he said. “Celestia said that the rank is normally reserved for ponies who spend their lives in the Royal Canterlot Guard, but you proved to be something else entirely. In fact she said that there isn’t a rank created that would fit you.”
Okay, I understand working for her, but isn’t it a general’s job to bestow rank onto peons? If the princess did that, then my next question is one that would need a lot of explaining-Why give me such a powerful and trustworthy position at my age?
“You’d better get going,” Double Star said. “Celestia doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“Yes, Sir,” I said and trotted off.
I made it to the castle’s mane foyer and was greeted by two pegasi guards, who just looked at me with a deadpan expression. I was looking around at the giant castle as it was my first time in the castle proper. I mainly slept in the small quarters next to the supply cabin.
“Ah, Hoofticuff, nice to see you,” a voice said.
I blinked, looked up and saw an Alabaster white Alicorn adorned in gold hoof boots and crown walk towards me. I went to bow, but a wing stopped me.
“No need to bow young Hoofticuff,” she said. “I wished to see you about your new title.”
“About that,” I said. “Are you 100% sure you want to trust some pony as young as me with this?”
“It’s not that I am unsure,” she said. “It’s that you have proven yourself exceptionally well and have even gone beyond the call of duty. I therefore bestow that rank upon you in recognition of your services.”
“Uh…Thank you,” I said. “Thank you very much.”
“You hesitate,” she said calmly. “You nervous about your rank raise?”
“Yes,” I said. “I never imagined this day would come.”
“I did,” Celestia said. “You do deserve this more than any pony.”
I thanked her and from there, she called in Luna, who actually turned me into a full fledged Alicorn. Celestia simply bestowed the rank of Field Marshal on me. I bowed and left.
From there, I was still on guard detail, but for Luna.
“I give you my word of honor as a gentle stallion and an Officer that no harm shall befall you,” I said to her one night.
Soon, Hearthswarming Eve came and my family came down for a visit. My mother practically fell over in happiness. My younger brother gave me an envious look while my father and little sister were busy inspecting my badge and SIMJ (Standard Issue Military Jacket) and the rank stitched upon it.
“Oh, I can’t believe it,” Rose Link said. “My brother, a Field Marshal. Uh…What is a Field Marshal?”
“Five Star General,” I said. “And I’m replacing the General in charge of Supply, who’s retiring.”
“And how’d you get picked?” my mother asked.
“My commanding officers put my name forth as the suitable pony for the job,” I said. “And it was granted by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna bestowed the rank on me. Oh, and I also became an Alicorn, to go with the rank.”
“You’re a lucky little pony,” Rose Link said.
“Well, we can hope that things will look up,” I said.