"Look, could you not buzz my head so closely?"
"YES."
"Then would you mind giving me some breathing room?"
"NO."
"You have any friggin' clue just what this place is?"
"YES."
"Does it attach to—like—the rest of the alicorns' dreamscape?"
"YES."
"Do you think I'd be able to... uh... find other dreamers by going through here?"
"YES."
"Could you explain to me how to get there?"
"NO."
"Unnngh!" Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks, spun around, and growled at the floating geodesic sphere. "Then if you're not going to be of any more help to me than the stupid flip of a coin, would you kindly make like a donkey's butt and split?!"
The sphere twirled to form a red star. "NO."
"I mean it!" Rainbow spat, pointing an angry blue hoof. "Get out of here!"
"NO. NO. NO. NO."
Rainbow sighed in frustration, twirling about to swat and whip at the floating thing with her tail. "Buzz off! For realsies! I've already had my fill with annoying pint-sized sidekicks in the real world! I don't need any of that crud here, and I'm most definitely not gonna be taking binary sass from a geometric turd that got doped up on helium! So, unless you can turn into someone or something that can help me find my way around the dreamscape, I want nothing to do with you!"
Just then, the geodesic sphere locked in place. It twitched, twirled, then spun-spun-spun, growing brighter and brighter with a pulsing gray aura.
Rainbow Dash backed up, ears folded with a wincing expression. "Er... look, take it easy. I didn't mean to make you divide by zero or nothing." She shielded her eyes with her outstretched wings as the light became blindingly bright. "Jeez! Lay off the glowing, will ya?!" Just then, she blinked. "Huh?"
With a final strobe of energy, the sphere unfolded, rolling its golf ball features back and then expanding to six times its original size. Legs grew, along with a glittering black mane and a white coat. A grayish-lavender uniform unfolded with matching pant-legs. Finally, with a bright blink of soft purple eyes, an earth pony landed on the floor right in front of Rainbow Dash and leaned forward with an ecstatic grin on her muzzle. Plop! "Hey!"
"Luna Poop!" Rainbow Dash fell on her haunches and scooted backwards until she was leaning up against a steel railing. She grimaced and shivered in the cold neon lights of the air-conditioned chamber. "What gives?! Why are you a pony all of the sudden?"
"Heeheehee! Because you requested service beyond my initial form, which means you must be among the waking! But you need not fear, my little alicorn!" The mare adjusted her uniform, reached forward, and hoisted Rainbow back onto her hooves. "EPCOT is here to escort you back to your Sim!"
"Uhhh..." Rainbow squinted at her. "What did you say your name was...?"
"Hehehe! Why, EPCOT!" The mare stood tall and proud, brandishing her "Cast Member" name tag. "The Experimental Pony Chaperone Of Tomorrow! But—hehe—of course you know that." She rolled her eyes, giggle-snorting. "You made me, after all."
"I... made you?" Rainbow Dash squinted.
"Hmmmmm..." Epcot rubbed her muzzle, squinting quizzically at Rainbow's fuzzy blue forehead.
"What, you see something there that you like?"
"Hehe! Maybe! I was just noticing that you're missing a horn." Epcot grinned. "No worry! I can take you to Lost and Found if you like!"
"Uhhhh... no... I'm good." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "And I'm not an alicorn—"
"You're not an alicorn?" Epcot blinked her purple eyes. "But... how can that be?"
"Look, all I know is that I took a sip of this crazy goblet thingy and the enchanted cider brought me here—"
"Wait, do you mean to tell me you're a mortal?"
"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted. "...yeah?"
"Duaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Epcot gasped, her jaw exploding in a wide, wide grin. "A mortal!" She danced around in a giddy circle. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I can't believe it!" She hopped up and down. "I've always wanted to meet a real flesh-and-blood mortal! Tell me!" She leaned forward, beaming. "What's it like to excrete fluids? Have you foaled yet? Are you color-blind? Do you feel nightly heart-stabbing pains of existential unrest?!"
"Whoah whoah whoah..." Rainbow Dash waved her hooves, backing up from the grinning mare and her glittering black mane. "Easy up on the meat-speech." She cleared her throat. "At the risk of sounding lame, could we dumb things down a notch? I mean, one second you were a ball who couldn't talk and now you're a bunch of talk having a ball."
"Ohhhhhhh... I just can't help myself!" Epcot trotted in place, gradually nudging Rainbow backwards across the line. "I've wanted to talk to a mortal in forever!" She blinked aside, simpering. "Granted, I've wanted to talk to anypony in forever, but hey! Who's counting! Besides me, of course... Heehee!"
"Wait..." Rainbow pointed. "You mean—all this time—you've been alone here?"
"Yup!"
"For how long, exactly?"
"Roughly for hundred thousand seven hundred and twenty-two days!" she sing-songed. "But don't worry! The Future is Now! Isn't it great?! Hehehe!"
"Uhhh... yeah... sure—Whoah!" Rainbow Dash gasped as she stumbled onto a moving platform. She looked around to see a series of bright orange seats gliding along a magnetically propelled track. Each "car" faced in one direction, moving in time with the gliding platform. "The hay is this?"
"Something I've been wanting to use for a long, long, long time!" Epcot said, squeeing. "A Tutorial! It will teach you all the ins and outs of Cider Space!"
"The ins and outs of what?"
"Cider Space!"
"The buck is that?"
"Why, it's where you are! It's where all the dreamers are!" She winked. "And if we can dream it, then we can do it!"
"Uhhhhh—"
"Oh! By the way." Epcot took a deep, deep breath. "Are you in any way pregnant, disabled, diabetic, epileptic, claustrophobic, or prone to motion sickness?"
"Er... none to all of the above."
"Perfect!" Epcot spun, smacking Rainbow with her uniformed flank.
"Gaaah!" Rainbow fell back into one of the seats. "Ooof!"
Fl-Flash! In a blink, Epcot turned into the geodesic sphere, shot over, and rematerialized in the seat just left of Rainbow Dash. "The doors of your vehicle will close automatically. Please! Remain seated with your legs, hooves, tail, and wings inside the vehicle at all times." She gasped. "Oh! And no smoking, please."
Rainbow squinted at her. "Who says I'm the one smoking?"
"Shhhhh!" Epcot squirmed in her seat as the car carried them into a dark corridor full of glittering lights. "It's about to begin! Phweeeeeee! Holy Figment this is the best slice out of subconcious eternity everrrrr!"