Oh, by the hair of Celestia’s chin! This is going to be one of the strange ones!
Flash Schmutta looked on in fascinated disgust as the strange stallion with the poofy pink mane and black mustache tried not to stand out. And, even for the usual herd of fashion weirdos usually found at Flash’s Fancy Wholesale Fashion Bargains, this one was a doozy!
Meh! he said to himself. Nopony was more surprised than he was at the bits he was raking-in selling the trashiest lines of coat coverings ever seen outside a salt induced fever dream. His surprise however hadn’t made him stupid. If they wanted it, he would sell it to them. Speaking of which...
“Why, hello... sir. Welcome to Flash’s...” Flash stopped talking because the strange pony had put his forehoof over Flash's lips.
“What if I wanted a paisley vest and striped tie combo?” asked the weirdo, “Would you sell that to me?” He lowered his hoof.
“Well, certainly I’d –” the stallion used the other forehoof to block his mouth this time.
“Good! But how can I trust your workponyship? Do you have anypony who has purchased such an ensemble before that would vouch for your paisley skills?” The hoof returned to the floor.
Flash felt insulted. “Why, I’ll have you know that I sell at least one such outfit every Thursday night. My paisley vest and striped tie combos are reputed in all of –” His lips were suddenly covered by a pink hindhoof. Oh, brother! he thought, this one really does take the cake!
“So Thursday night you can introduce me to one of these paisley-vested-stripe-tied-types?”
“Yes, just be here at precisely five fifteen. They always –” Inevitably, the fourth and last hoof was pressed to his lips. Good thing I had the stock-colt sweep the floor this morning! He sputtered and spat out a woodchip. Or was that last Tuesday?
“Okay. I’ll be here.” The weirdo got a sly look on his face. “Oh, and don’t tell paisley-stripey that I’m coming. Mumm’s the word, capice!” The hoof went back to the floor.
Humpf! he thought to himself. As if I'd warn a mark about another one coming in here with more bits than sense! Still, he didn’t want to say anything more, fearing to discover what other body parts might be thrust against his kisser.
The weirdo looked at him expectantly, and seeing as Flash was out of words, he left the store pronking like an antelope.
The meeting in the throne room was tense. Three weeks had passed since the discovery of Discord’s egg, and it was still missing.
Fluttershy looked around the circle of friendly faces miserably. “But... but, they’ll take good care of him, won’t they? I mean, they stole him from the other fanatics who wanted to turn him to stone, after all! Won’t they raise him to be a good little draconequus? And teach him to look both ways before crossing the street and all that?”
“I thought you wanted to raise him,” asked Rainbow Dash. Rarity gave the pegasus a stern look.
“I do want to raise him! Taking care of others is what I've always wanted to do! And ever since I was a little filly I've dreamed of being a mother. I want this! Is that selfish of me to want something for me for once!”
“If course not!” said Rarity.
“But if it's not me, even if it's one of those eggnappers, I just hope it'll be somepony nice,” said Fluttershy. “For his sake.”
Nopony could look her in the face.
Oddly, one of her friends was missing. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?” she asked.
“We don’t know!” said Twilight. “She’s been gone for almost a week. Someone reported a pink pony getting onto the Canterlot express at the beginning of the week, but it turns out it was some stallion with a mustache.” Her smile showed more worry than confidence. “But you know Pinkie Pie, she’ll turn up at the least expected time and in the strangest possible fashion.”
Several heads nodded at the comment.
“Look,” Twilight added. “We’re doing nothing here but chewing our hooves off. How about you all go home, and I’ll send word if there is any new development? Fluttershy, I’ve had a room prepared for you in the castle’s living quarters. Rarity and Spike will go keep you company there.”
“Hmm,” said Spike. “I was going write a description of living quarters for the Breezie delegation that are coming here next month. It would really be great if you and Rarity could help me out.”
Rarity’s smile was infectious. “Oh, my! A decorating assignment from our handsome ambassador – and one involving miniature furniture! Fluttershy, how can we resist?”
The yellow mare nodded. “Okay!” she said, peeking out from under her mane. “It does sound like fun.”
“Good!” said Twilight as she stood. “Thank you all. I’m going to Canterlot Castle in case there are any new developments there.”
Together they left the throne room.
The Horde of Discord was in a celebratory mood. The egg would hatch any minute now. Knick Knack decided to go all out. He hung a heavy silver snaggle tooth pendant around his neck. It sparkled as it dangled next to the new striped tie he had just bought to replace the old one.
The whole Horde was pretty happy indeed. All four of them.
“It’s amazing that we’ve been able to keep this Horde going for over a thousand years,” he said to the new guy. “Imagine that, meeting in Flash’s Fancy Wholesale Fashion Bargains! What a cosmic coincidence.”
“Yiperoony!” said the new guy through his mustache. “Say, what are we supposed to do with His Discordance once he pops out? Sing songs? Play checkers? Ping pong? Shuffleboard?”
Knick Knack’s brow furrowed in thought. “We hadn’t really put much thought to it.” He looked at Sloppy Joe and Laughter Patch, the other stallions that made up the Horde.
“I dunno. Do kids like to play cards? We could teach him poker or maybe start him off with something easy like Go Fish or something.”
“What about diapers, rattles and talcum powder n’ stuff? Do you have any of those things ready?”
Knick Knack was floored. They hadn’t considered the need for any of those things. “We uh, we kinda figured we’d play it by ear. Chaos-style, you know!”
The new guy was beginning to looked miffed.
“Have any of you ever taken care of newborn foals before?”
All three of the Original Three shook their heads.
“Well then, aren’t we lucky I have, and that I picked up these foalsitting supplies before meeting you guys at Flash’s Fancy Wholesale Fashion Bargains?”, the new guy began pronking around them.
“Wow! That’s such a coinci... dence.” All of a sudden, Knick Knack had a sneaking suspicion.
“Hey!” He pointed a hoof at the new guy. “You!”
The new guy stopped and began looking nervous. “I what?”
He was just about to reach for the the new guy’s muzzle when there was a loud crash at the door. He turned to look as Sloppy Joe went to investigate. Knick saw a flash. Joe flew back and hit the far wall, crumpling into a heap.
“Hey!” said Laughter Patch. He glowed and rose into the air, his limbs thrashing wildly until there was a crunching noise and he fell to the floor, limp as a rag doll.
He looked towards the door. There was an old unicorn mare there with a cane.
“The Horde could not long evade us!” she cackled gleefully. “Show us to the egg. We will neutralize it and then we will spare you.”
“Hah! You and whose army?” he asked, charging up his horn.
A dozen or so large burly unicorns hustled into the room.
“Oh. That one.” Still, he knew his magical strength had been much amplified by the power of chaos magic. “That’s barely enough for me and my buddy Mr. Stronghoof here...” He pointed to his right where the new guy was standing.
The old mare looked confused. “Who do you mean? That filly with the frizzy mane?”
Knick turned his gaze and saw the the new guy was gone. Instead there was some pink earth pony mare in his place.
“And who in Discord’s name are you?”
The mare smiled. “Oh, I’m just the caterer. And look! I brought too many egg sandwiches!” She wrapped her hooves around a large round shape hidden under a blanket. “I’ll just take these back with me!” She began to huff and puff as she carried the sandwiches away.
The old mare’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Just one minute! Who are you –”
Knick Knack’s horn glowed as he discharged a beam of chaos straight at the old mare. Without stopping to verify the effect of his attack, he crouched behind a table, ducking as several furious blasts were directed at his position.
He settled down for a protracted battle. He knew he was a very powerful unicorn. Glancing around he couldn’t see hide nor hair of the new guy. Too bad. He’d seemed pretty okay. He rose and blasted several members of the old mare’s army out through the windows.
Pinkie Pie was excessively good at sneaking around. She had become very proficient at getting in and out of places and moving around unobserved from all the surprise parties she had held over a very active lifetime of partying.
She grunted. This is one heavy egg! she lamented internally. And I have to get it to Fluttershy before it hatches.
A few distractions and misdirections later, she was out on the street and ducked in an alleyway. It was only a short but exhausting trot around the block where she saw a police pony directing wagon traffic. She waved her down.
“Contact the Castle immediately!” she said. “Element of Harmony emergency!” She even remembered the code word she had been given to get assistance under such circumstances: “Priority code: kumquat!”
A royal chariot arrived on the scene within five minutes. One minute later and they were on their way to Ponyville.
In the chariot, Pinkie Pie finally had a chance to breath. She looked at the egg, swaddled in its blanket. She shrugged out of her saddle bags. They still contained the newborn supplies she had bought earlier in the day.
“See?” she told the egg, “I wasn’t kidding when I said I went shopping before meeting those guys at Flash’s Fancy Wholesale Fashion Bargains!”
She approached the egg and carefully folded back the blanket, exposing the golden shell beneath.
“I want you to know,” she said kinda shyly, “I wouldn’t have minded being the one to raise you myself.” She sighed. “Most ponies think all I'm interested in is having fun and holding parties. But these last few years, especially after I started foalsitting, I keep thinking of how swell it would be to have a family of my own. I almost spoke up when Twilight asked for volunteers, but then Fluttershy said she wanted to do it, and it just seemed so incredibly important to her. I just, –” her ears drooped “– I just couldn’t take that away from her.”
She stroked the golden surface. “Still, I really am a pretty awesome foalsitter. And I’ve always wondered if... I would have made a good mom.”
She snugged the blanket back over the egg and patted it.
“I guess,” she sniffed, “I'll have to wait a while longer to find out.”