//------------------------------// // Hinjinx! Hijinx Everywhere! // Story: Baddest DJ on Two Turntables // by Darkness Shade //------------------------------// Having left the pocket dimension room they were in, Ryan had situated DJ in a hospital bed before Safety Cross and the other nurses of Canterlot Castle gave him the once over. She was rather stunned to see he was in as good a condition as he was after hearing what had gone down, and was even more surprised when it seemed Ryan and Dark were more or less okay. Hungry, but okay. “Ugh,” DJ groaned as he slowly came back to the waking world. “Wh-what happened?” “Oh hey, he’s back among us again.” Ryan grinned, “Welcome back, partner! And ta answer yer question, ya kinda passed out after our little scuffle.” “Did, did I win?” ‘...that would be a no, DJ. After Kouki gave ya that mighty kick, ya went a bit crazy, unleashed a hell of a light show, and then proceeded to go unconscious and kiss the ground.’ DJ seemed shell shocked, for some reason lowering his head with his eyes wide. “I, I couldn’t… get out,” he whispered. Ryan tilted his head, not expecting this kind of reaction at all, “...get out? Why? Ya just finally woke back up.” DJ looked back at Ryan, his eyes black as coal. “GET OUT!! GET THE BUCK OUT!!” ‘Dude, chill the hell out! If ya don’t, you’re probably gonna reinjure yourself somehow. Kouki did what he could to repair most of your injuries, but yer still hurt. Malice, what is going on here?’ ...You might wanna do what he says. This ain’t gonna be pretty. ‘...hmmm.’ Ryan’s herd turned to him for some kind of decision, to which Ryan gave a hard long look at DJ while he tried to figure out just what was going on here. That was then a thought dawned on him, that he was surprised he hadn’t thought about given the last moments of the fight between him and Kouki. Realizing now just why he was acting how he was, he motioned towards the door, “Come on ladies. We need ta give him a moment or two...and DJ? When yer ready, Ah’m more than willing ta talk with ya. Ah always will be, so don’t think ya have ta keep things bottled up...Ah’m well aware from experience what that kinda thing can do.” With that the others filed out despite looking at DJ with worry, leaving him and Malice alone to their thoughts. As they closed the door, DJ lowered his head, his eyes not changing in the slightest. Around him, an aura of magic began to swirl, his hooves sparked with torrents of electricity, and his breathing was labored. With a scream, DJ released a massive wave of power, destroying the innards of the room. Outside the door, Ryan and the girls watched and listened in surprise and horror at the shaking door. Mostly surprised at the fact the door was still standing. When it was finally over, Ryan pushed the door open slightly, noting with surprise that the entire room seemed frozen solid in destruction. DJ was still in the same spot, only instead of rage and anger on his face, he was leaking tears from his hung head. “Heh, man. When Ah was hopin’ you’d chill out, Ah didn’t think ya’d do so literally.” Ryan laughed nervously, “Look, Ah diffuse tension with humor so...sorry if that seemed a bad time fer a joke.” DJ looked up at him, tears still present. “Why? Why couldn’t I beat you? Why couldn’t I break my limit?” “...Ah had a feelin’ that’s what this was about. And Ah can’t answer yer question, as Ah don’t know the answer to that. The only one that knows is yerself, just like how mahself knows how Ah broke mah limits before.” Ryan shrugged, lightly tapping a chair and watching it shatter into pieces, “...perhaps ya just didn’t have the right factors in place to push you over? Ah’m just throwin’ out guesses, but answer me this: why did the result make you this upset?” “...because I don’t want to be the cause of anymore suffering. Long Run, Peppy, Scout, all those changelings. They’re all my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to save them. Hell, I’m not even strong enough to protect my own sister who’s been missing for over a year! Not even mom has heard from her! What am I supposed to do if something like that happens to Ma and Pa while they’re traveling? Or some other ancient evil comes back to take over Equestria? If I can’t get stronger how am I supposed to protect the one reason I came to Equestria: my family!? My little brother, my younger sisters, my big brothers, my kids, my wife! Do you know I’m pretty much related to every Element back home? How am I supposed to protect them?! All I ever do is fail!” Ryan and the girls were speechless as the pony they had known to be so carefree and strong cried out his sorrows in front of them. “Ah’m not really one that would know about losing someone, like that anyway, but….” ‘I do...and I know these feelings that are bothering you all too well.’ Dark sighed, ‘As yer well aware from our talks last night. It is a legitimate worry, about the future and what it may hold...but strength comes in all forms, DJ and Malice, and the fact that you cry not for yourself but for those you care for shows a strength of heart that can never be defeated.’ “But, but something is going to happen soon! Everything has been building up! First the girls relinquished the Elements, then the whole the thing with the Tree and the box, and then the keys that have been popping up. I don’t think I’m strong enough to face what is coming! I needed this push to break past my limit, to be able to go beyond Harmonic Convergence like you two have. I don’t even know when I’m getting home. This keeps happening time and time again! I’m sick and tired of always being kept from my family! How am I supposed to be the Best Man at Big Mac’s wedding to Fluttershy if I’m stuck here!?” DJ hung his head, fresh tears beginning to fall from his eyes. “Maybe, maybe I should have just stayed dead. Then none of this would have happened. I should have just accepted my punishment.” Celestia turned to Luna at the mention of a Tree and seemed as if they knew something. While Ryan and Dark picked up on it, they figured it was another one of those things DJ really shouldn’t be talking about involving their potential future, “Giving up the Elements…? Tree? Keys? DJ? DJ?” The two of them frowned as they couldn’t get a word in edgewise as he kept going on and on about so many things. Eventually, it would appear Dark had had enough of this—with his statement about having should’ve stayed dead being the breaking point—before he took control of Ryan’s body and slapped DJ. HARD! “Are you stupid? Are you dense or something? Say you stayed dead? Then what? You’d have left so many ponies in agony and sadness...and then you wouldn’t have been there to help stop Sombra! More than Scootaloo would’ve paid the price, including all those you call family. Or the incident with your Chrysalis. She was planning another invasion but at the cost of her people! If you hadn’t ended up stumbling there, she would’ve gone through with it all and not only possibly hurt other ponies, but most likely doom most of her children!” Dark’s irritation was so great, he was squeezing his hands into fists so hard he was almost drawing blood, “Yes, people died! That’s how life is! The choices we make are the ones we do thinking they’re the best at the time! We live with them and the consequences, and try our best to honor those that might have paid a price from them! For you to say that you should just stay dead….is doing those that believed in you enough to give their lives a terrible dishonor! Instead of focusing so intently on the negative, you should see what a positive impact you’ve made in your world! Power is not the end all, be all. There are other ways for one to improve besides raw strength, and Ryan and Ah had hoped our battle with you would’ve shown you that!” DJ was silent for a moment, holding his reddened cheek with a hoof while staring wide-eyed at Dark and Ryan. And then, “...YYYEEEOOOWWWCH!!! That’s smarts!!” DJ was holding his cheek with both hooves now, mouth agape in pain. “Dear mother, that hurts!” Malice, however, was rolling on the floor of their shared mental scape, laughing so hard that he couldn’t breathe. Oh, oh, oh lord! Hahahaha! You finally did something to make me laugh for real, shade-boy! Ahahaha! That sure shut the kid up! Haha! “Malice, you chaotic prick! Ugh, man that hurts. Watch what yer doin’ Dark, you could end up really hurting somepony doing that.” DJ shook his head rapidly, shaking away the pain. “Wooo, I’m back, baby! Heh, thanks for that guys, I was starting to fall back into the kind of guy I was before I bucked up!” “Sorry, but ta be honest I’d had enough of you being a whiny little foal. And, just like in the past, it seems a good hard smack is enough to get a pony to focus!” “What’s that about a good smack, Darkness? Talking about our private time to our friends, again?” Luna remarked as she walked in with her sister, “We heard a commotion and—why is the room covered in ice and damaged to such an extent?” “My bad! Here, let me fix this place up.” DJ clapped his hooves and slammed them to the ground. His alchemy began to repair everything he broke, making the girls gape at the scene. When all was said and done, DJ looked around the room, making sure he didn’t miss anything. “Man I love that power. Oh, and uh, sorry about the whole ‘trying to kill you all’ thing. Was trying to force Ryan and Dark to their fullest.” Don’t look at me on that one! That was the kid’s idea, I just was the one to carry it out. ‘Sure, Mallie. Don’t think I couldn’t tell you were having fun being the “evil, chaotic badass” that you so often declare yourself to be. Haha.’ Dark narrowed his eyes, though only Malice could see it, ‘But seriously...threaten them again, and Eclipsis will find itself through your chest...without a spell to reduce the pain.’ Ryan coughed slightly at Dark’s words, though he certainly agreed about the not threatening family bit, “What he means ta say is, just ask next time. Seriously, if you wanted us to go all out ya could’ve just asked.” “I suppose it’s okay, DJ, but….was that alchemy you just used?” Twilight’s eyes were wide in wonder, “I remember reading about that supposed branch of science during my studies, but most books I have say that it was never fully researched because, well, magic exists here and that kinda beat out alchemy as a field of study.” “Actually…” Ryan tapped his chin, “Ah’ve been wondering about that too since Ah saw ya use that in our fight. You use it the way the Elric’s can...so...did you somehow acquire that ability or perhaps….did you see The Door? And if so...what did you have to give up?” “Sorry, that’s classified information that has to deal with politics beyond your control. Beyond even Cellie and Luna. Let’s just say that,” DJ suddenly pulled a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and put them on, “I got friends on the other side. So, no can do. And don’t try pulling the family card on me, you’re only a distant cousin at best.” Ryan raised an eyebrow, “...Ah hardly think ya qualify as a Man in Black, but Ah get what yer sayin’. Fair enough.” “Well, it’s not like I’m the only one withholding secrets. You should know, Malice has been awake this whole time and he caught me up on a few things. So, Princesses, what is this legend that he overheard?” Celestia frowned, “I am not so sure telling you was all that smart a move on Malice’s part. If he was awake, he clearly told you what was said so don’t act so coy with us, DJ. Discord, my sister and I were hoping you would not find out about it simply because one: we’re not sure if we’re right but two: if we are right, then that would mean…” "Alright, alright. I get it, bad stuff's gonna happen. Probably for the best, considering I'm no hero. Or at least, I don’t want to be a hero. Also, I make no promises on bringing your family into the fight next time. After all… you cheated me." “...Ah cheated you?” “Yes. I wanted to make you angry, to make your hatred grow. I wanted to see the darkest points of your psyche. Because, despite how strong your synchronization skill was, Dark’s anger was so much more powerful. That was the fight I wanted, to see you both embrace your darkest aspects, as I have done.” Ryan turned, looking at empty space—in reality, he was technically looking at Dark, though only he could see him—before turning back to DJ with a very serious look on his face. “....no.” ‘....no.’ “As you wish,” DJ sighed. “But the longer you put this off, the higher the cost you will pay in the end. I hope you understand that. It’s not as bad as you believe, all you need is to remember one thing: never forget who you are.” DJ put a hoof to Ryan’s heart. “As long as you never forget that there are people and ponies who care about you on the other side of the darkness, you can alway push through and come out stronger than ever. Darkness does not necessarily mean evil, Ryan, you know this, but you will need to conquer your darkness if you are to face what is to come. Great evils are rising in your land, my friend, and you will need your anger if you are to defeat them. Promise me this, Ryan, promise me you will attempt to take ahold of your darkness and make it your own. Use darkness against itself!” Ryan looked down at DJ’s hoof and wasn’t really sure what to say at the thoughts going through his head. Eventually, he tried to anyway, “Look, Ah get that it worked that way for you in yer world, but Ah’ve had that moment where Ah let mah anger unleash...and Ah nearly killed Trixie because of it. And that was because of the people and ponies Ah care about. While Ah gained mah Elemental Sync thanks to that, that kinda me is not someone Ah wish to become again. You are right, Ah do know that darkness doesn’t always mean evil, but just because it worked for you does not necessarily mean it is the same path intended for me. For us.” ‘...I’m a bit curious about what they mean by ‘great evils are rising’. But it’s true what you say: when I get angry, you saw what happened. But I…I made a promise a long time ago to never stare too long into that abyss. While I know it would give me such great power, possibly even more than Kouki had, I refuse to break that promise. If I have to get stronger, I’ll find a way to do it the way we always have. The darkness is strong, I won’t argue that, but with enough effort the light can be just as strong, if not stronger.’ “Yes, what you say is true, but if you continue to block it off, your darkness will consume you, just as it once consumed Luna and my daughter. I do not blame you for sticking to the light, but if you continue to refuse this power, the Force is telling me that things will only get worse for you. I see tragedy in your future, my friends; one that cannot be stopped at your current strength. If you want to know more, I suggest you ask Celestia about the spell book. I can say no more.” ‘Spell book?’ Ryan turned to Celestia who seemed a bit surprised at DJ’s words, but he let it go for now as something told him now wasn’t the time for such things. ‘...Woona was a special case, DJ. Without anyone there to help her see that she was appreciated….without me there...she had no outlet for her feelings. It should be obvious what’s different in this scenario but I’ll say it anyway: Ryan and me? We both have plenty of ponies that are there for us.’ “Dark’s right...but there’s one thing that yer not quite right on. The fact that we have our Elemental Sync states shows that we haven’t completely shut out the darker parts of our hearts. After all, the only way one gets that is by letting the more base components of oneself take control. I’ve been living with my darkness for a long time, DJ, even before I came to Equestria. It’s there, I know it’s there, but if the option to continue on as I always have is available, I won’t turn to it. Being human...means learning to temper that side so that it does not consume you. A lot of people, they succumb to it’s temptations. But some….” ‘Some realize it is there, and always will be, but they do not let it affect who they are or the person they wish to be. Darkness can grant great power quickly, but the question is at what cost? I already told you that I made a promise to never tap into that again…and I won’t break a promise like that. Not from him.’ DJ raised an eyebrow at who ‘him’ was, but let it lie. He sighed and shook his head. “Then I will leave you with your choice. I wish I could show you the truth that lies within such power, but you would always refuse. But remember, as long as you know that others are waiting for you, by remembering who you are, you can control that darkness and make it your own.” That’s enough. Not everyone can handle it as we can, kid. You accepted me long before I was even created, and the cost was your life on Earth. Not even I would wish that on these two. However, you are right that they will need to master it at some point, hopefully before it becomes a problem. “Too true Malice. I still wish you would listen to my wisdom, my friend. But, I suppose that is a matter that you will have to face on your own. I honestly wish I could tell you more of what to come, especially of the great things that happened, but I cannot destroy this timeline any more than I have. I… I really don’t know what I can do for you all in return for the kindness you’ve shown me.” “Well, it’s best we don’t know anyway. Pretty sure the Doctor has told me many times that knowing the future isn’t really something you should do. It can lead to a lot of paradoxes and this squicky-smushy effect on time. Of course, Back to the Future pretty much made that clear long before Ah met him but….Ah will level with ya, Deej. Kouki is the closest we come to allowing our light and dark merge. Ah was hopin’ you’d pick up on that, but Ah guess ya didn’t. That probably goes along with the other thing Ah thought on that Ah’m surprised you weren’t more curious about, despite making a comment about it.” Ryan shrugged before laughing, “As for repaying our kindness...when we finally get you home, just protect those ya love. Ah’m pretty sure mah herd would agree that’s all we’d want fer ya to do.” DJ laughed weakly, finding a bit of humor in Ryan’s words. “Alright, alright. I get it, enough’s enough. I’m just trying to make you see things from my perspective, but there are very few who think like I do.” It’s true. Believe it or not, my sadistic streak is actually from the kid. He’s pretty messed up in there. “What can I say, I’m insane! Though I feel there is one thing from the future you should know, just in case it becomes an issue.” “Hmmm…” Ryan turned to his herd, and the the princesses as if to ask what they should do. Twilight seemed unsure, no doubt recalling her previous dealings with future warnings. Celestia and Luna, however, seemed to be thinking it over very hard. Eventually, Celestia turned to Ryan with a look he couldn’t quite decipher. “It would seem our visitor from another world knows much, even about things we have kept secret for the moment. While normally I would advise against knowing about the future like this...something about what DJ wishes to warn us of makes it seem like perhaps we should listen just this once. However…” Luna narrowed her eyes, “There are certain things that certain ones are not quite ready for just yet, so if it involves anything of that sort, you’d best keep it as vague as possible. It is true that you have possibly muddled our timeline a bit, though it seems only Ryan, Dark, my sister, and myself truly know in what ways. As long as it does not mess with those events yet to come, we will listen to this one thing you wish for us to know.” “Well, it shouldn’t cause too much trouble, as I’m not sure it is even true here. What I wanted to warn you of is well, in my world anyway, Pinkie Pie and Applejack? Yeah, they’re kind of related.” AppleJack looked at DJ, then to Pinkie, then back to DJ, before back to Pinkie one more time. “Ah...in the words of our human: wut?” “Don’t get me wrong, it’s distant, but yeah. The Pies are related to the Apple family. I should know, being a member myself.” To that Apps just blinked, before raising an eyebrow. “Yer just full of surprises, ain’tcha DJ?” “Hmmm…” Ryan was thinking this information over for a moment, scratching his chin in thought, “Apple...Pie….Apple….Pie.” Dark snickered, unable to resist making a really stupid remark. ‘Dang, Ry. And I thought I was the only one that got some kinky action like that. You truly are my successor in all ways!’ Those present—in particular the two Princesses—deadpanned and turned a deep shade of red at Dark’s comment. Ryan wasn’t sure what to respond with, so he just said the first thing that came to mind, “...Ah love Apple Pie!” DJ rolled his eyes, a smile on his face. “Well, it could be worse. At least I ran into another random instead of the usual kind of human.” ...It was already bad enough you converted Scout into one, now it’s just getting ridiculous. “Oh, come off it Malice! You know it’s more fun this way, anyhow. Oh, before I forget, Luna, I wanted to give you something.” DJ looked down to his pocket and yelled, “Hey, boys, ya got that thing I asked for?” A rectangular box was tossed out of his coat pocket, a voice calling back, “All wrapped up and ready to go, boss.” “Thank you!” DJ then presented the box to Luna. “Here you go! Consider it a ‘sorry for nearly choking you to death’ gift.” Luna took the present in her hooves and unwrapped it, revealing a black and blue book with a shadowy pony on the cover. The title read, Past Sins. “What is this?” DJ smiled sadly. “That Luna is the story of my daughter, Nyx. Her story is well known on Earth as a great work of fiction, such as for the rest of the show is believed to be. I felt that you should know of her tale as much as anyone else. I really hope you enjoy reading it. It’s not too often one gets to give a present to everyones’ favorite pony, now is it?” “Considering what I have heard of your daughter, I feel I shall.” The other bit of what DJ said puzzled her, “...everyone’s favorite pony?” DJ chuckled a little. “Believe it or not princess, you’re a fan favorite from the show. All hail the Lunar Republic as they say. Personally, even though Celestia is my mother, you’ve always been best princess in my eyes.” ‘Hell yeah, all hail the Lunar Republic!! Nice to see the humans in that world have some taste in their choice of pone!’ “Yep, although if we were to go by popularity, then Rainbow Dash would have everypony beat by miles. Even those who don’t know the show recognize her.” Rainbow Dash let out her iconic smirk before hovering in the air and raising her hooves high in triumph, “Oh yeah! I already knew I was awesome before, but this just clinches it!” AppleJack sighed, face-hoofing at Dashie’s ego, “Dash, only you would get so pumped up over what a bunch of humans that think we ain’t real believe.” “....Ah think we should stop this popularity thing before it gets out of hand...or hoof.” “Yer right, we should get out of control another way! Hey boys! I could use a pick me up!” The five discords flew out of his pocket and appeared behind him, all holding instruments. “Here you go boss!” Uno handed DJ a very nice acoustic guitar, clearly polished. “We cleaned it up for ya.” “Thanks! You guys are the best!” DJ strummed a little bit, checking the tune. “Heh...an acoustic guitar, eh? Ah...Ah don’t think Ah’ve seen someone play one of those since the last time Ah saw mah sister play…hmmmm…so then, let’s see if yer any good there, Deej. Haha. Lay them beats on us!” “Hmm, but what song should I do?” I got the perfect one! I’ll start us off, you can just join in when it feels right. Better listen up, shade-boy, this one is going out for all of us who’ve been through something similar! DJ shrugged. “Alright, partner, lay it on me.” DJ went silent for a minute, having a silent conversation with Malice, only to smile widely a second later. He turned to everyone else with that grin. “Oh, this is too perfect.” Knew you’d love it. Ready kid? “Let’s do it! Don’t be afraid to sing along, guys. This is gonna be awesome!” DJ began to strum his guitar, the Discords providing back up through a fiddle and the drums at first before going off in an upbeat country sound. Well you know those times When you feel like there's a sign there on your back Says I don't mind if ya kick me Seems like everybody has Things go from bad to worse You'd think they can't get worse than that And then they do You step off the straight and narrow And you don't know where you are Use the needle of your compass To sew up your broken heart Ask directions from a genie In a bottle of Jim Beam And she lies to you That's when you learn the truth If you're going through hell Keep on going, don't slow down If you're scared, don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there As DJ hit a break in the lyrics he looked at Ryan and the others with a big smile, still strumming the beat. “What do you think? Ready to take over?” “I would, but how? I’m not particularly familiar with this song.” “Just don’t think about it. Let your instincts control ya. It’s just music man!” ‘Might as well, hell I’ll give it a shot!’ Well I been deep down in that darkness I been down to my last match Felt a hundred different demons Breathing fire down my back And I knew that if I stumbled I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, yeah But the good news Is there's angels everywhere out on the street Holding out a hand to pull you back up on your feet The one's that you've been dragging for so long You're on your knees You might as well be praying Guess what I'm saying As Ryan joined in the singing, so did everyone else with the chorus. They all started swaying to the beat, singing with happy smiles on their faces. If you’re going through hell Keep on going, don't slow down If you're scared don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah, If you're going through hell Keep on moving, face that fire Walk right through it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there If you're going through hell Keep on going, don't slow down If you're scared don't show it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah, If you're going through hell Keep on moving, face that fire Walk right through it You might get out Before the devil even knows you're there Yeah, you might get out Before the devil even knows you're there. DJ finished out the song strongly, putting a lot heart and talent into his guitar. With the song finally done, he laid back against the wall, slightly tired. “Whoo, well, how’d ya like that taste of my home? Music is life, man, music is life.” “...Ah’d question just how we seemed to know the lyrics to a song we never sung, especially in Dark’s case, but Ah guess it’s just more of that wacky musical magic that seems to permeate this world. At least, that explanation works to also explain how you and Malice knew the song we sung earlier.” Ryan smirked, “Not bad...country isn’t necessarily mah thing, but Ah know a good song when Ah hear it.” ‘...heh, I suppose I know why ya said ta listen up, Mallie. That’s certainly a song that can apply to pretty much everypone here.’ You sound surprised. Of course I would come up with something perfect, I am me after all. “Not helping yourself with that one, dude. Well, I don’t know about all of you, but I could use some time to rest. So, I think I’ll just head back to my guest room and pass out. Have a good night!” ‘Sheesh, Mallie...I didn’t know we had two Rainbow Dashes here.’ “Yeah!” Rainbow Dash nodded before frowning, “Hey!” Celestia chuckled at their antics before nodding, “I do think that after the intense afternoon and evening we’ve had, that rest is certainly needed. Though...I had thought perhaps DJ and Malice would desire something to eat first after their intense battle.” Ryan snickered, knowing full well what she was doing. “I suppose I was just mistaken….how dreadful. Whatever will I do with the fine steak I had the chefs begin preparing for him to help revitalize his energy and spirits?” ‘Oh, that’s a tough one, Tia. I know! I know! You can just give it to me! No need to waste it, right Mallie-kun~?’ DJ stopped in place, obviously torn. “Thanks for the offer, but… I need some time to myself. I’ll, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Malice and I need to talk for a while.” You better preserve that steak, shade-dork. If I find out either of you two ate it, Imma whip a bitch! With that, the alicorn walked off, not saying a word more. ‘Heh, at least Malice has his priorities. Tia, Woona...we’d better make sure my new bestest buddy has a hot steak waiting for whenever he wants it! Make the magics happen!’ Despite Dark’s silly words making a cheery atmosphere, Ryan couldn’t help but note that something just seemed off with how he was acting. It felt just like the other day when he had to go off by himself again...and then later that night he was talking and singing to himself sadly about all that had happened. ‘He’s obviously got something on his mind again...but odds are he won’t say anything until he’s ready. Speaking of ready...Ah wonder where Disky got off to?’ ‘He’s probably just checking things out after the fight.’ Dark replied, ‘You know how Cordy can be...but...I can’t help but feel as if something isn’t right at the moment. Something about that power surge DJ let loose just...anyway, I hope I’m not right about that foreboding feeling.’ Later that evening, DJ and Malice sat in their guest room, looking out into the night. Neither had said a word since arriving there hours ago, simply staring out the window. Finally, Malice had enough of the silence. Kid, look I get that you’re upset, I’m not too pleased with the result either, but-- “It’s not that, Malice,” DJ interrupted with a sigh. “It’s just… we should have been able to take them. Even in that Kouki form, I know we have more power.” Then why did we lose? If we have more power, then shouldn’t we have won? “In theory, but there was something we didn’t account for.” ...Technique? “Precisely.” Hmm… they did seem to have a little more variety in their attacks. But is that really enough for them to beat us like they did? “Yes, because it is something we’ve neglected. We’ve always focused on simple brute power, which was stupid thinking back on it. We need to come up with new abilities, one that put our powers at their maximum.” So we need to… “Yep. And to do that we need to go pay a friend a visit.” What are we waiting for then? Lezgo! DJ got up from his spot and slowly creeped out of his room, closing the door silently and walking off into the castle. The castle was almost eerily silent at night, but he focused more on the task at hand. Soon, he found himself outside the throne room doors and edged his head through the door. “Hello?” he called. The lone occupant on the throne looked up from her book and smiled at her guest. “Good evening, Prince Sparkle. How are you this evening?” DJ trotted on in, smiling back. “Just fine, Luna. I see you’re reading the book I gave you, how are you liking it?” “Tis a most interesting tale. I must admit, DJ, your daughter sounds absolutely precious.” “Thank you, she sure is. I should apologize Princess, but this is no social call.” “Oh?” Luna marked her place and set the book down to give DJ her full attention. “Then why have you come here?” “I was wondering if I could petition the Night Court for something.” Luna raised an eyebrow, certainly not expecting that. “Indeed? Well, we are listening, what is it that you require?” “Well, I could use some school supplies. A lot of school supplies.” The next morning, Ryan and the others had joined the princesses for breakfast, enjoying a serving of bacon and eggs himself. As they ate, he happened to notice the lack of a certain pone. “Hey, where’s DJ at? He’s not one to miss dinner and breakfast.” The others looked around the table, now noticing the alicorn’s absence as well. “I have no idea. I have not seen him since he came to Night Court last night,” Luna said. ‘He came to Night Court? Why?’ “He wanted to petition for a few items. A chalk board, some magical texts, chalk, paper, quills, and the like. We saw no harm in giving him some school supplies to use.” “And what did he want them for?” asked Celestia with a raised eyebrow. “Uh… we forgot to ask.” ‘That’s my Woona,’ Dark sighed. Luna, to her credit, blushed heavily in embarrassment. ‘Why don’t Ry and I go check on DJ and Mallie? They can’t do too much harm with school supplies.’ “Unless Malice went around stabbing pones with quills and hitting them with books,” Ryan put in with a laugh. They got up from the table, leaving the others to their chuckling. As he approached the guest room door, he noticed that Twilight had followed him. “Somethin’ up T-Sparks?” “Just curious,” Twilight replied. “If DJ wanted school supplies that means he’s working on something and I want to know what.” Ryan chuckled a little and they continued to the door. “That’s just like you, Twi. Always curious.” He knocked on the door. “DJ? Malice? You awake?” After no reply, Ryan opened the door, finding it to be fighting back. “I think something’s against the door.” “I could teleport us in,” she offered. “Just be careful, who knows what’s goin’ on in there.” Twilight nodded and powered up her horn. The next instant, the two were in the guest room, but were gawking at the sight before them. All around were pieces of parchment, some crumpled up, others burned, and some just floating around. They noticed a couple of chalk boards, all covered in equations and magical theories. Then they saw him, pouring over one of the many books in the rooms. “Hmm, no, no. I need a better matrix for this one,” he muttered before adding a few more symbols to his nearest board. What if you use the doohickey? “What doohickey?” That one, over on the table. DJ levitated over a few pieces of parchment and looked them over. “You mean the matrix transducers?” That’s what I said, the doohickey. “Ugh, you know it gets irritating that the only thing you’re intelligent in is warfare. Hmm, you might be on to something, partner. Maybe if I cross this with the molecularized thaumite enhancer, we might get the reaction we’re looking for.” I’m just that awesome. Ryan leaned down to whisper to T-Sparks, “Ah’m torn between interrupting them to find out what they’re up to and just watching this madness unfold.” “...is it bad I was thinking the same thing, Ry?” ‘Guys, it’s pretty obvious what they’re doing....they’re doing what all good heroes do: come up with some awesome-as-hell special techniques and moves.’ Dark chuckled, ‘I imagine our little fight and showcase of moves inspired them to some degree.’ Neither Malice nor DJ seemed to notice the new arrivals, save for when Twilight started to touch a nearby crystal. Her hoof was suddenly smacked by a burst of blue magic. “Don’t touch, that’s pure thaumite. Very dangerous,” he said simply, not even bothering to look up from his work. “Ugh! No, no, no, no! Why does it have to be so hard to create a zero degrees kelvin temperature spell? Maybe I need a higher power input? Hmm…” You can never have enough power, kid. ‘I don’t think so, Tim—I mean, Mallie. Still...’ “Did Ah hear you right? Yer trying to create a zero degree Kelvin spell?” Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose, “Dare Ah even ask why in tarnation you would want to make an ice spell that cold?” “Absolute Zero,” DJ said as he poured over his research. “Theorized to be the coldest point in all existence. My specialty is Ice Magic, so if I can unlock the secret to such a temperature, maybe I can use it to expand my other abilities.” He went back to a chalkboard and continued to jot things down, not a bit of it being understood by Malice. Kid, can we take a break? We’ve been at this since you got the supplies from Moonbutt, and I’m hungry! “How can you be hungry when we’re doing research?! Especially magical research! Have you no shame?” None. Get me food. “No! There’s studying to do!” Ryan blinked, “Absolute Zero? But...like ya said that’s theoretical! Even on mah world, the greatest science possible was only able to come within a few Kelvins of that. Ah won’t doubt the power of magic over science—you’ve heard of mah creation exploits after all—but aren’t you worried about what a state might mean? A temperature like that...one enough to totally destroy the bonds of existence itself...Ah’m not sure how ta feel about that.” ‘What you should feel is hungry! Mallie is right! You guys have been in here since last night from what we hear….and it’s already mid-morning! If yer not careful, that steak from last night is gonna find it’s way to someone else’s stomach!’ “Like I care! Do you not see that I’m doing research! And yes I know it’s theoretical, but that’s why I need to see if I can achieve it and what it can do. Think of the possibilities, Ryan! Absolute zero could… uh oh.” The little beaker that DJ had begun experimenting with began to fizzle and then… BOOM!!! It exploded with a massive force that blinded T-Sparks and Ryan for a moment. When they looked again, DJ was gone. “DJ?!” they called out. “Ow.” They looked behind them to see DJ sprawled out on the guest room table. “Why? Why is it that every damn time I get blown up, I land on a bucking table?! Ow.” “Hmmmm….curious, Ryan. It would seem DJ has the same trouble with tables as you do with doors and the ground.” Ryan shook his head and sighed, “Don’t remind me, T-Sparks.” They then looked over to see that a pile of papers had burst into flames spontaneously, without any source of a spark. “Oh come on! Not the fires too!” “Huh, so that’s what it looks like from an outside perspective when something Ah’m building spontaneously combusts. Bravo, DJ, you seem more disaster prone than Ah am! Hahaha.” “I hate you, Ryan.” Ryan smirked, “Ah know you mean love, DJ.” “Hey! That’s my family’s thing! Come up with your own material!” “Technically, Ah am family if you’ll recall, so Ah think Ah’m in the clear with this one. Pretty sure the audience would agree with me as well, so…yeah.” “...You are such a brat.” Ryan stared at him before breaking into a huge fit of laughter, slapping his thigh for effect. Taking a deep breath, he smiled. “Well played. And yeah, Ah guess Ah am. You make that sound as if it’s a bad thing, though.” “Never said it was.” DJ sighed as he put out the flames with a quick burst of ice. “Maybe I should take a break. Before I set the castle ablaze. Plus, I’m kinda curious as to what you’ve been inventing now, Ryan. Sounds like it could be interesting.” “Ah’m certainly sure it is, considering a lot of what Ah’ve made is done so without complete knowledge of exactly how to make the things Ah do. Magic, as Ah’ve found, is a very curious, but fickle, shortcut.” Ryan reached over and ruffled Twilight’s mane, “Of course, mah bookworm here has been quite a bit of help, analyzing what bit of tech made it’s way here with me so we could have a better picture of some things.” ‘Oh! I bet he’d love to see what we and Mac have been working on! Maybe he could even help us figure out what we’re missing to make it complete?’ “Heh, well, Ah wouldn’t doubt it since he seems to have quite an understanding of tech...and others things given what Ah’ve seen. When we get back to Ponyville, we’ll have to show off some wares as it were. Haha.” “At first you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. Ooh, I haven’t been this excited since I got my car back from Earth! Ever tricked out a ‘02 Chevy Cavalier into a tank? I have and it was awesome! Alchemy and mechanical understanding are amazing powers when combined!” “...Ah can’t say that Ah have, but given that...heh, you’ll like what me and Mac have been cooking up. Ah’d think alchemy in general would be a handy thing to know, but to use it to turn a car into a tank? Assuming you’ve got it on yer Equestria, you must’ve altered it to use an alternate power source. Heh, probably sunlight or something since there’s plenty of that. But yeah, we’ll let ya see what silliness we cook up when Ah start to wonder how best Ah can...how did you say it, Dark?” ‘Bullshit with magic what we lack in knowledge!’ “Right.” “Actually, I used Alchemy to convert it on Earth. Pure electric with an eternal battery spell Twilight cooked up years ago on my old laptop. But rest assured there is no problem with bullshitting this stuff, it’s the best part! Ya know, save for when they explode.” “...or burst into flames and get Granny on yer case for making the whole farmhouse smell like burnt magic waffles.” Ryan sighed into a laugh, “At least our new home keeps the damage localized to mahself and the herd now...well, and Disky when he visits from next door.” “Heh, you should’ve been there for the annual reunion. Biggest explosion yet, save for the time the Doc and I tried to duplicate the TARDIS. Ma and Pa were not happy to have their wagon partially destroyed. Set them back from getting to Trottingham for the next harvest by three days.” Twilight’s ears twitched at that one, “...I don’t quite understand the whole thing with the Doctor, but...the TARDIS is that box of his right? Should I even ask as to why—ya know what, I probably shouldn’t. Let’s just focus on the other thing that doesn’t involve mind-melting physics. You mentioned Ma and Pa earlier during yer little rant in the hospital bed...are you talking about AppleJack’s parents?” Ryan seemed a bit surprised by this, “T-Sparks...how...how do ya know about Apps’ parents?” T-Sparks snorted, “Please Ry, what did you think the girls and I thought? That they were dead? AppleJack might be able to hide stuff from us, but we know her parents are alive and well. In fact, we know they’re the reason we got those Wonderbolts tickets for Rainbow’s birthday.” “Okay, that made little sense to me. But yes, I was referring to Applejack, Big Mac, Bloom, and my own parents. Red Gala and Apple Crisp. We see them only a few times a year because they travel around Equestria helping the other Apples since they are the greatest apple experts in the country.” “How curious.” Ryan scratched the back of his head, “In this reality, Apps’ parents? They’re part of the Wonderbolts: Star Dust and Apple Spark. Most people don't know about them and think they’re dead because here the Wonderbolts, while entertainers like the Blue Angels, are a bit more involved as part of the military so they keep their identity a secret to protect their family. Ah’d thought only Ah knew along with mah Apple kin, but leave it T-Sparks to nose out the truth. Heh.” “Odd, though I suppose it makes sense in a way.” ‘...how so? While I don’t expect all realities to be the same, it is a bit curious that her parents are pegasi here while it seems they’re earth ponies in yours.’ “It goes back to the show, actually. You see, AJ’s parents were never shown, not even once. Though there was a scene in the family reunion episode that was meant to indicate that they were deceased. As such, many fans fight over whether or not they are alive and who they are. The same goes for Scootaloo, who most believe she was an orphan for the same reasons.” “...that show sounds really curious for what it’s supposed to be. Heh, just goes to show no matter what fandom, there are passionate fans willing to argue any little point. That’s kinda sad about lil’ sis, though. Ah’ve met Scoots parents a few times—they’re pretty busy pones, sadly—but they’re good people and they’re pretty happy that she’s got not only such great friends, but good role models as well. Ah just...why would they automatically assume she’s an orphan? Hmmm, it almost makes me wonder what this show leaves vague about everyone now…” “Oh trust me, the fans got creative with their imaginations. Don’t ask about Scootabuse.” DJ shuddered heavily. “It’s so sick and wrong that it’s wrong sick. But, hey, Hasbro let’s them think it. Besides the only true controversy the show ever had was when they first gave Ditzy, er Derpy here, her first speaking role. People believed they were making fun of the mentally handicapped, so they scrapped her original voice and kept her name from being said. Bunch of assholes is what I think it was. Sorry, I get a little defensive when it comes to Ditzy, she’s a very good friend.” ‘..when something is ‘wrick-bad’, you know they’ve got problems.’ Ryan double-taked for a second, “Wait. You said...Hasbro? Like...Transformers Hasbro? As in the toy company?” “Still haven’t figured it out?” DJ smirked. “Welcome to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Ryan. Yer in a girl’s cartoon. So am I for that matter, but hey I came here by choice.” Twilight blinked rapidly for a few moments before taking a breath, “It still seems so curious that we’re just a work of fiction in someone else’s world. But…” Ryan raised an eyebrow, “But?” “But….ya know, given what we know about our human, he seems to fit in here just fine.” Twilight snickered before smirking, “After all, he certainly does love brushie-brushie time with us.” “GAH!” Ryan groaned, his face flushing red slightly, “T-SPARKS!” DJ fell to the floor, rolling with laughter. “Oh ho! I am so not forgetting that one anytime soon! I knew you were whipped dude, but I had no idea it was that much!” Like you’re one to talk. You basically wait on Twilight hoof over hoof. ...That expression doesn’t translate well, but you know what I mean. “Yeah, but unlike Ryan, I get sexy time out of the deal!” Ryan mumbled slightly, “Look...it’s strangely therapeutic to brush their manes and stuff….Ah don’t have ta justify mahself! Dammit! Ah like mah ponies, Ah like to brush their hair, and Ah like the snuggle times Ah get out of it! Ah ain’t married yet like DJ, but once we are then all bets are off! Ah might die of exhaustion, but dammit! Ah’m gonna do everything in mah power to make mah herd blush for once, instead of me!!” ‘...I think ya touched a nerve, Twily.’ All of you have issues. “No, Malice, it’s you that’s got issues.” Technically, they’re your issues, too. “...shut up. I know I’m a sadistic, witty, smartass. That’s who I am! But I’m also a caring and loving husband and father with a lot of close friends and family. That’s all that matters to me. By the way, remind me when we get back to tell Mom that we need to quit the heroing business. It’s not good for our health.” Says the moron who bucked up and killed himself. “You just had to bring that up didn’t you! I bucked up! I get it! Can we please just let it go?” ‘...I vaguely recall mention of that. Ya don’t have to tell us if ya don’t want to, but killing yourself? Why would you do a crazy thing like that? No offense, I mean, but it is kinda a crazy thing to do if ya think on it.’ “Yes, I committed suicide, that’s how I met death. Not my proudest moment and still one I regret doing. It had to do with the annual Estrus and a huge misunderstanding. Let’s not go any further than that otherwise were gonna start dredging up a lot of tears and feels that I would rather not deal with again.” “Oh yes...that time of the year. Heh...that won’t ever get chronicled here, that’s fer sure. And don’t worry, partner, we won’t make ya say anymore. Still, too bad yer Death is an asshole...if ya met ours, he’d probably have been a bit more reasonable.” Ryan shook his head, “Ah still can’t believe his ultimate scythes were 8-bit. What a weirdo he is...hahaha.” DJ looked confused. “Huh, reminds me of something Pixel would come up with.” “Pixel?” Twilight titled her head, “Who’s that?” “My adopted sister, Pixel Berry. She was a human who ended up in Equestria a couple months after me. Celestia took her in as her own and she’s been raised a princess ever since. She has a unique magic that looks like pixels on an old computer, only pink. She believes it because of that time when she hid out in a Radio Shack and accidentally ate some microchips thinking they were food.” “...that. Has to be. The most...amazing thing. The pixel magic thing, Ah mean, not the eating microchips thing. But wait...you said she was missing didn’t you? Jeez…” Ryan rubbed the back of his head and laughed sheepishly, “Now Ah feel kinda bad about beating ya up the way Ah did, since it seems you’ve already been through quite a bit already.” “Yeah, apparently she and Celestia were having a spat so she went on some kind of journey. The last anypony saw of her was the Changeling Revolution where she and Gilda were a big help.” Twilight seemed a bit surprised to hear that name, though Ryan seemed to not really know who she was. “Gilda? Gilda...why do Ah feel like Ah’ve heard that name before? T-Sparks? Do you know who that is?” “Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…..no…?” ‘...subtle, Twily, subtle.’ “Gilda was an old flight school friend of Dash, but they had a falling out when she decided to visit Ponyville and nearly kill Pinkie Pie as well as yell at Fluttershy.” DJ explained. “Why she was with my sister, I have no idea, nor do I know why she apparently can breathe fire now. Anyway, like I said, they haven’t been seen since.” Twilight hung her head, “Yes. What DJ says is true. She was a griffon friend of Rainbow’s that kinda wasn’t the best person in the world. She was pretty rough...but I always wondered about how she took Rainbow basically telling her off like that. I got the feeling she didn’t have many friends...that was, goodness...quite some time ago.” “Really? That’s too bad...but anyway, that’s kinda a bummer that Pixel just disappeared like that. Hmmm...maybe she’s just off on a journey to find herself? It seems plausible, so Ah’m sure she’ll show back up one day. Ya said she was human, right? Sounds like something one of our fickle race would do if thrown into somewhere like this place.” Ryan shrugged, “Well, unless yer me. Then ya just go with the flow and apparently get complaints about that because it’s “not real enough” and “nobody is like that” and blah, blah, blah...but Ah’m sure yer familiar with that, partner.” “Yeah, but Pix ain’t like that. Technically, she’s a pony-human hybrid now. She can change between her human form and her pony form with a special amulet mom gave her. The only reason I have faith that she’s still alive is because of her background as an orphan runaway. She’s a true hero who would rescue kids from abusive homes. I have faith in her, but I just wish she would at least send a postcard or something.” “...she sounds like she’s got a good heart. Heh, I wouldn’t worry, if she’s how you say she is, she’ll show back up soon enough.” ‘And maybe she did send one, it’s just lost in the mail or something? One thing that doesn’t seem to have changed over the last thousand years is that, despite all their great magic, the postal service here is just as quirky as always.’ “Hey! Ditzy does her very best! She runs the international section of the post office now, so watch it! Dinky was very proud of her mother that day, and so were we all, hell even the Doc built up enough guts to actually give her a full kiss.” Ryan lifted up his hand, “Hey! Hey! Relax. Dark was just talking about here, partner. Derpy is a hell of a mail-mare, but she still just runs the Ponyville branch.” “Sorry, like I said I get a little protective of my friends. Ditzy, Doc, Vinyl, Neon, Octavia, although I wish Lyra and Bon Bon would stop having near-relations in public. They’re even more lovesick now then before they were married.” Speak for yourself. It’s girl on girl action in the park; it’s hot. They may still be ponies, but hot is hot. ‘This man knows of what he speaks! Sing it, Mallie! Hottie-hot! Whooo! Double Princess Action...and I’ve said too much again.’ You sicken me, shade-boy. You really do. ‘It’s okay, Mallie. Not everyone can be as cool as me and handle such...power. Heh.’ You’re not cool. You’re the dork who follows the real cool guy around, acting like a poser. The real cool guy being me, of course. ‘...what’s that, Malice? I think you said “Yes, Dark, please stab me with your sword again, only this time, take it out much slower and with more pain for effect.” But you couldn’t have possibly said that, so...I must have misheard.’ “How did we go from Lyra and Bon Bon in the park to you two fighting over who’s the coolest?” “If I may offer a theory.” Twilight cleared her throat, “If what I know of human nature is true from what Ryan has discussed with me far into many a night, lust and proving dominance are two traits that can crop up quite quickly and, in some cases, are tied to one another. Clearly, Malice seems threatened by Dark’s masculinity and dismissive demeanor. Thus, they are having the words.” No he just pisses me off. I don’t like it. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m missing a case of shine back here. Ryan shrugged, “Same difference. And DJ and Ah did clean up, remember? Did ya check where all the other booze is?” ‘To suggest I would steal the shine of mah bestest buddy. Shame on you, Mallie-kun. And after I shared Vibgyor with you...I’d say yer killing me with such talk, but you’d probably take some perverse joy in that.’ It’s not perverse, just makes me a true human. Apex predator and all. And yes I did… oh there it is, right next to the bottle of vibgyor I grabbed. Better move that in with that stash of spectrum. “...someone’s got sticky fingers.” ‘Oh, no. The Spectrum I gave him as a gift of friendship. Not sure where he got the Vibgyor, but that’s fine.’ I snagged it when you guys weren’t looking. I’m gonna mix it with the shine later and see how much funnier Jeff Dunham can get when you’re that far gone. DJ grumbled. “I still hate how you’re still watching TV up there, while I’m stuck without them out here.” Not my problem. “Chaotic prick.” “Almost like lookin’ at a mirror, eh partner?” ‘Tell me about it.’ Twilight sighed, “If you boys are done having your “man” time, we’ve been standing here talking for a good...two hours? The others are probably wondering what happened to us at this point...and the rumbling noises from DJ’s stomach are starting to get a bit hard to talk over.” “My bad. This is what I get for trying to be friendly,” DJ swooned. “You’re such a buzzkill Twilight. No wonder Ryan said you were boring.” DJ smirked and then jumped. “Meep! Meep!” speeding off, leaving Twilight and Ryan alone. After watching him fully disappear, Ryan and Twilight just stood there staring at each other. Finally, Ryan spoke. “You know he’s full of shit, right?” “Yes.” “And yet…” “Yes?” “...yer still gonna want the tummy rubs of apology out of me anyway.” “Quite! I’m so glad my human is smart enough to pick up on such subtle cues.” Twilight giggled cutely, “Now come on, dear, we’d better catch up before he does something regrettable...like eat all of Celestia’s secret cake reserve in a fit of hungry rage.” “HEY I FOUND A TONNAGE OF CAKE!!” FOOD!! Ryan and Twilight’s eyes shrank as soon as those words reached them. Not wasting a moment, both of them went Elemental Sync before leaving a twin trail of fire and ice magic in their wake as the sought to stop a terrible fate. “DJ!” “MALICE!” ‘For Woona’s sake, Mallie! DON’T DO IT!’ “Why is Celestia in here?!” they heard him call out. “Hello DJ, care to join me for a snack?” “Would I!” Eventually, Ryan and Twilight had made their way to the cake cache to see DJ and Celestia...calmly eating cake? ‘...wait...wut?’ “Mah thoughts exactly.” Ryan remarked, powering down his sync, “Oh thank God...Ah thought...it’s best Ah don’t say what Ah thought.” “What? It’s cake, what did you think was gonna happen? Celestial rage shift? Trust me you don’t want that, I’ve seen a part of it when mom went bat shit crazy on Blue Blood.” ‘No,no...not Tia when she Elemental Syncs all up in this piece. Something far worse...’ Dark audibly sighed, ‘Thank the heavens...I really wasn’t up for another chase again.’ “Wait, Celestia would have hunted me down? Huh, good thing she was here then. I suck at getting chased since I can’t teleport, which is totally not fair!” Celestia laughed softly, “Oh no, DJ, I wouldn’t have chased you. I would’ve tricked others into chasing you instead...isn’t that right, Ryan?” Ryan’s eyes grew wide as his pupils narrowed, “Yes, Princess!!!” “Oh, that’s a completely different situation then. None of us would have wanted that to happen, the results would not have been pretty.” Ryan nodded, “Yes, DJ!!!” Twilight waved a hoof in front of his face, “...I think you broke Ryan again, Princess.” “Oh, is that why he still stammering? I thought he was actually fearing me for a second. Damn, oh well. I thought he actually caught the threat in there, my mistake.” ‘I caught it...I just didn’t think it worth worrying about since it’s just a hypothetical.’ “True. So… where’s my steak?” At that Celestia grinned, and Ryan damn near shit himself at that. “Well….” ‘...oh God. Tia…’ Celestia sighed, “I am sorry to inform you, DJ Sparkle, but it would seem that we just couldn’t keep it safe for long enough. It was...sadly taken in a mysterious incident.” “I have aliens that can force you to tell me where my steak went, you know that right?” DJ said putting his hoof to Omni. Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, “Now who’s not catching on to things?” DJ looked back over to Twilight and Ryan who he noticed was acting very nervous. He narrowed his eyes. “Omni, I need Rath.” “Of course, sir.” There was a green flash of light and suddenly a large, bipedal tiger with spikes coming out its wrists was standing in DJ’s place. “Lemme tell ya somethin’ Ryan and Darkness Shade! No one eats Rath’s food, but Rath! YAA!” He charged at the pair, brandishing his spikes. “Oh goddamit, not AGAIN!” Ryan shouted, slapping on his magnet spell and dashing out of the room, “DAMN YOU, TROLLESTIA!!! I will get you back for this somehow!!” ‘Ryan! Less declaring revenge against the sun, more running through the corridors of the castle.’ Ryan sighed, “...why do these things happen ta me?” “Get back here Ryan and Darkness Shade! Yer gonna be Rath’s lunch now!” As Twilight watched the odd occurrence leave, and the sounds of Ryan’s frustrated self fade, she could only shake her head, “...what does my other self see in him? And Princess…” Celestia lifted her head up, a bit of icing hanging from her bottom lip, “Yes, my student?” “Was that really necessary? That steak is locked by a spell that only Dark knows how to open, and is still there waiting for his “bestest buddy in the whole world: Mallie-kun~!” to partake in.” Twilight groaned, “When you do stuff like this...it makes me question things.” Celestia simply waved off her concerns. “Now now, Twilight. Instead of questioning my methods, you should be taking notes. You’ll need them when you and Ryan tie the knot with the rest of the girls,” she said with a wink. “...I’m not quite sure what that’s supposed to mean, but...DJ doesn’t understand that you're merely pranking him. He seemed ready to actually kill and eat our herd’s future husband. That’d be bad.” “Nah, the boss is just having some fun.” Both mares looked over to see Uno floating there, watching Ryan be chased throughout the halls. “He’s got Pinkie Pie powers, remember. Pranks are something he knows. Can’t pull them off very well, but he knows when he’s being punked. He just wanted to get back at Ryan for losing, plus… this is pretty funny.” He pulled out a bag of popcorn and started munching down. Ryan’s gasps and panicked noises were heard as he dodged this way and that before skating backwards and facing DJ down. Lifting up his right hand, he focused his magic before shouting, “Dammit! Fine! Eat this! Darkness Eraser!” “Rath ain’t afraid of no freaky magic! Rath gonna take you down!” ‘Dark thinks Rath should speak in first person.’ Dark sighed as the magic blast made contact with DJ’s form, generating a lot of smoke. Ryan wasn’t stupid, however, and didn’t halt his skating for one second. Only to come face to face with Rath. “Did you just call Rath dumb?” he asked frighteningly calm. “...I believe the gentleman simply asked that you speak with ‘I’s instead.” Ryan remarked, teleporting out of the way, “...Cellie may have gotten me into this mess, but if you want to have fun with this, Ah can oblige again. Malus Domestica certainly didn’t get to have enough fun last time…” “Heh,” Rath smirked. “Rath can end this without even moving,” he boasted crossing his arms. “Hmmm...quite a claim, but Ah imagine it’s not made lightly.” Ryan eyed Rath carefully, “Arguably, Ah don’t have much recollection of the various forms Omni possesses, so you do have an advantage there, partner.” “Rath doesn’t need to transform. Rath just needs to say the following,” he took in a big breath and then yelled out, “Ryan and Darkness Shade! You broke a Pinkie Promise!” Ryan—and Dark—after brushing some debris from his hair at the loud noise, tilted their head and eyed Rath oddly, “Uh...no, we didn’t dude.” “What was that about breaking a Pinkie Promise?” They turned around to see a very angry Pinkie Pie behind them. “Maybe, but does she know that?” ‘Good question...Ponk is a bit unpredictable with these.’ “True...but Pinks should know us well enough to at least listen.” Ryan turned to face his party mare, “Pinkie, Ah know someone said the words that get you upset…” “You should start running now,” Pinkie warned him. “...Pinks?” Ryan titled his head, noting she didn’t seem to be kidding, “...well. Don’t that beat all. DJ? There will be revenge, and it will not be pretty. Before you leave...you’ll get yours.” With that Ryan got to breaking them walls to vanish, knowing Pinks would be right behind him in no time at all. Rath just stood there chuckling, then hitting the omnitrix and returning to normal. “Maybe so Ryan, but right now, it’s completely worth it.” Alright you had your fun, now go get Celestia to give us that steak. “I’m going, I’m going.” Celestia noticed silence and was curious as to what that meant, only to see DJ come walking back in alone. “Ah, DJ Sparkle, you have returned. Please reassure Twilight here that her future husband is alright and not kitty-chow as it were.” “Well he’s not kitty-chow, but he’s most certainly not alright. He’s currently being chased by a rampaging pink party pony. On a side note, give me my steak!” Celestia frowned momentarily, before smirking at the mention of the steak. “Oh you dear, dear alicorn...I truly would love to give you your steak, but sadly I cannot access it. It was locked away safely by Malice’s dear, dear friend Darkness to protect it from anyone else and so, therefore, he is the only one that can open it for you. Pity, then, that he’s being chased by Pinkie Pie.” “Omni did you get a DNA sample when you scanned Kouki?” “Yes sir, I can replicate the DNA for you to use to break the spell.” “Thank you Omni.” He smiled at Celestia’s dumbfounded expression. “Ancient geek proverb: always back up the back ups.” Though shocked, Celestia resume her smile after his little speech, “If you believe it to be that easy, then by all means. Your device is most curious...but some things, you just cannot duplicate.” “Maybe, but where’s the fun if I don’t at least try. Besides if it doesn’t work, I can just let Malice loose and he’ll find something meaty to eat.” ...Like I said, he’s the true sadist. “I highly doubt we’d just let something like that happen.” Twilight glared at DJ, “Seriously, you act so childish sometimes...what did my other self see in you?” “She saw a kind and caring man who cared about her so much that he paid attention to every word she spoke, treated her like she was the only mare in the world, and loved her and her family unconditionally. When I need to be serious Twilight I will be, but there’s no point in being serious all the time. It will eventually ruin you, so I live life like everyday is my last, and I will always treasure those moments when the two of us are together and pray for them again when we are apart. She is my everything, and I will be whatever she needs me to be.” “That sounds about right for me.” Twilight nodded, “Either way, I’m just saying this would’ve been much simpler if you hadn’t let Trollestia manipulate you like that.” There was a strange boom heard in the distance, followed by a loud scream, and something about icing. “...that sounded ominous.” “Maybe I should have gone with something less serious than a Pinkie Promise,” DJ commented. “Those can be pretty scaring.” “Yeah...it’s gonna take a lot of snuggle therapy to make it up to our human this time. Especially since Pinkie...heh, when she gets like this. It’s...kinda hard to talk sense into her.” “Oh I can do it.” DJ reached behind him and pulled out a cupcake. “Hey Pinkie! I got you a cupcake! You can have it if you stop scarring Ryan and Dark for life!” And with a pop, Pinkie—pulling a slightly worse for wear and drenched in caramel Ryan and Dark—appeared from out of one of the many cakes before staring at the cupcake intently. Ryan’s gaze slowly turned to DJ before his eyes narrowed, “...yer an asshole. I have candy in places candy is not meant to be. I will literally be crapping rainbows and happiness for days now thanks to you.” DJ shrugged. “Well, then my work here is done. Here ya go Pinks.” He tossed up the cupcake and Pinkie downed it with a gulp. “Thanks DJ! That was fun!” With that, she bounced off, smiling like only a Pinkie can. “And you!” Ryan whirled to face Celestia, throwing out his arm and flinging caramel everywhere, “Don’t think Ah haven’t forgotten yer part in this, Cellie. And you!!!” He whirled to face DJ once more, “...for whatever stupid reason, Dark still wants to give his “bestest buddy” their steak, so there’s no need to jack our form. Not that you could use it anyway without a terrible backlash...but Ah am a bit annoyed at Omni for jacking it like that, despite asking him not to.” “My apologies, sir. I thought you meant not to take Kouki’s DNA. I didn’t, I borrowed the DNA sequence of you and sir Shade. Of course the sir couldn’t transform into you, but I can create samples that could be used for such things like testing. Perhaps next time, you be a bit more specific.” “So you know, Omni is an AI and like most develop personalities similar to their owners. So, yeah, Omni’s a bit of a smart ass too.” “Indeed.” “Clearly. As long as he can’t transform, then Ah suppose there’s no harm. You can’t really do much with our DNA anyway, as far as Ah know. Unless ya wanna make more me’s...which probably wouldn’t be all that smart anyway. One me and one Dark is enough.” Ryan sighed heavily, wiping more caramel off his face, “Just...just follow me so we can give you yer steak and then go...unsoil ourselves.” “Sweetness! And don’t worry Ryan,” DJ said with a mock pout and patting his leg. “You’ll get me back some day. Or not, depends on whether or not you decide to stop sucking at this.” Ryan glared at him before smirking, “...Ah might not have the leg-up on pranking, but at least Ah don’t suck at a fight.” Saying nothing else, he began walking towards the kitchen so he could get things taken care of. What a dick! ‘Sucks when the shoe’s on the other foot, eh Mallie-kun?’ I don’t have feet, moron! ‘Other hoof then. Semantics, Mallie, semantics...’ Don’t wear shoes either. ‘...Look, do you want the steak or not? Just get yer ass moving before Ryan decides to set it on fire or something. He’s...not in a good place right now.’ “Hey, he started this, he should’ve known the first rule of fighting humans.” “Actually, Ah wouldn’t. Back on Earth, Ah wasn’t a fighter in any real regards. Ah wasn’t a pacifist, but Ah did what was possible to keep conflict from happening without resorting to just knuckle sandwiches.” Ryan sighed as they entered the kitchen, “Usually that was me taking the brunt for those that couldn’t fight, mentally or otherwise. But Ah usually did a good job of avoiding the kind of sadistic assholes yer most likely talking about.” “Heh, I was referring more to human nature. There are three main rules. Rule one: humans never fight fair, we take every advantage we can to win. Rule two: To revenge is human, don’t mess with a human and expect to come out clean. Rule three: you mess with family, you might as well just drop dead now. It’s that simple.” “...is it? Are humans really that predictable? Being an unpredictable species, Ah don’t know.” Ryan pulled out the dish containing the steak, it’s amazing self protected by some crazy purple magic, “All Ah know is me, and Ah’ve tried mah best to fight with honor...even against opponents that aren’t willing to show the same. Ah can agree with ya on the third one since messing with family is guaranteed bad times. But revenge…? Revenge seems good in theory, but it only sets a path for tragedy in the end. Maybe Ah’m idealistic, maybe it’s because of my real origins, or maybe it’s because I think humans can be better than they are. Either way, Ah can’t really agree with those being as true as you say. Still...pretty sure yer more focused on steak than me waxing on about my own ideals.” ‘And…..TURNIPS!’ Dark shouted, releasing the spell to reveal the steak just as hot and seasoned as it was last night, ‘Enjoy it, guys! Only the best for our friends.’ “Sweet! Human up!” Once again a human, DJ took the plate to the table, chowing down almost immediately. “Yer wrong about one thing, Ryan,” he said between bites. “Every time a human fights a version of one of those three rules is used. Not always in the exact wording, but it’s there. Then again, I do kinda have some hatred of humanity so I guess I’m not one to talk. After all, I did leave Earth to join a planet devoid of human life. Ah well, who gives a damn?” “Yes. It truly is all down to perspective. Now then...Ah’m going to go soak for an undetermined amount of time and...piece things back together upstairs. Ah’ll see y’all tonight.” “Have a good one,” DJ waved off, smirking through his steak. Hours later, Ryan entered the throne room after spending several hours soaking in hot water. His hair was still damp and he certainly still looked annoyed, but at the least he was clean of all that sticky caramel. Pinkie was also with him, having gone to check on him after hearing that DJ had misused the dreaded words and—seeing as she oft worried about losing the snuggles—had gone to help him in any way she possible could. This would explain why her mane, though bouncy, appeared slightly damp as well. Celestia looked at him with a smirk, which he didn’t care for at all. “Did you enjoy your soak, my little human?” she asked. “Heh. Ah made the most of a bad situation, if that’s what yer asking, Cellie.” “Well, if you are looking for DJ, he is currently making use of the kitchen. Something about apology cakes for Pinkie for using her.” “Oooooooh~ Apology cakes are the tastiest.” Pinkie clapped her hooves together, “I don’t know why that is, exactly, but maybe it’s because it’s packed with the powerful emotion of guilt!” AppleJack blinked before looking at Pinkie, “Uhm...does anypony else find what she just said a might...unsettling?” No, it gives me hope for the future. The ponies looked as DJ came strolling in, carrying ten cakes in his magic. “Ugh, these should do,” he said placing them in front of Pinkie who was drooling on the floor. “Sorry for using you against Ryan, Pinks. But it was funny, huh?” ‘Funny, he says. Do you know the things that are still falling out of us even after that bath?’ Of course, Pinkie just saw cakes, gasped, and dove face-first into them sending cake bits and icing flying everywhere. “No, but I don’t really care. I had my fun.” Ryan rolled his eyes but smiled. “Yer an asshole, but damn if Ah still don’t like ya so fine, whatever. Anyway, Ah have to say it’s been pretty busy since ya showed up here. Heh, and here Ah thought we’d actually get a period of quiet after everything. Speaking of quiet…” ‘Yeah, I noticed it too, Ryan. Cordy has kind of, disappeared after the fight yesterday. I haven’t seen him since...we brought DJ to the infirmary. Spike’s disappeared again as well...you haven’t seen them, have you Woona? Tia? Ladies? Not that I’m worried, but it is a bit odd Cordy would miss out on the chaos the other day.’ “Maybe he’s just out spreading chaos? That’s what me and Discord do back home. Turning the lake into a trampoline, fishing for apples in the beaver dam, stuff like that.” Dark made a noise that sounded like he was thinking, but wasn’t convinced. ‘Yeah, Cordy does like to have his fun, but since he’s only been back for a short while he’s on a...how to put it? Temporary freedom? Something like that. So he can have some fun—like pestering us, or mostly Ryan since he reacts so amusingly to his antics—or do something crazy, like help Spike with his training.’ Twilight’s eyes shot open at that revelation, “WHAT?!” ‘What? Cordy’s pretty dang smart when it comes to stuff like that. If he wasn’t so mentally askew, he’d probably be much more dangerous.’ Ryan gasped as he felt Twilight pounce him, “Oh God!” “You knew about this, didn’t you?” “Of course...sheesh, T-Sparks. Don’t you remember? Ah told you a long time ago that Ah’d only train him if he’d be safe. And Disky...Ah want to trust him. Not just for Dark, but for everyone. Maybe Ah’m just a sucker for the redeemed villain, but Ah know how he is in a fight. If he can assist in teaching Spike, then Ah can worry less about how well little bro will handle himself in a fight. Plus, secretly? He kinda wants to make up for what he did to him when we fought back then...” Ryan sighed, “Now, if ya don’t mind hon, yer gettin mah nice new pajamas all dirty.” “Now I kinda wonder who would win in a fight: your Spike or mine? Personally, I’m leaning more towards mine.” Ryan dusted himself off after Twilight let him up before thinking on that question as well. “Hmmm, Ah’m not sure. Ah don’t know how much training yer Spike’s been doing, but mah little bro has certainly improved...and with me as a sensei, he’s learned some crazy stuff. Not to mention them gauntlets of his...ouch! Those things kinda hurt when ya get hit with them. But, alas, Ah doubt we’ll ever find out...unless something incredible silly happens and we end up with a scenario where the two of them are together. But Ah doubt that’ll occur...wink.” ‘...Ryan, you said the wink instead of making it.’ “No I didn’t. Wink.” ‘...why do I bother?’ DJ laughed a little. “Yeah, you guys on my world? Dear mother help us all if that were to happen… wink.” Damn it! Stop with this whole winking thing! It’s annoying. ‘...wink-wink.’ Lyra looked at the four of them oddly, “...are you okay? You’re all winking while saying the word ‘wink’...are you catching some kind of unknown magical disease?” No, they’re breaking the fourth wall. Which is surprisingly stronger here than in our world. Usually the author would have berated us by now. “...this is that thing Twilight told me about, isn’t it?” Lyra sighed, “While I don’t fully understand it, I suppose if that’s all it is I won’t worry.” Ryan chuckled at Malice’s words. “Oh Ah wouldn’t worry, ours is a bit more laid-back and usually doesn’t say much in regards to things...except that one time with Trixie. Man was he livid when she used the amulet to change his text pink! Hahahahahaha.” “...if that happened, I think ours would have done a ‘Nope’ and the story would be over right then and there. Let’s hope not, I’m still having fun! But ya know, it’s kinda weird seeing Lyra here. It’s rare seeing her without Bon Bon nowadays.” Yeah, but when they are out, it’s sure as hell hot. Plus the wedding cake was delicious. Lyra tilted her head before walking over to them, “So...from what I can gather your Lyra and Bon-Bon are...together? Huh...well, I can see that being a possibility. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and though we’re close, it’s more like sisters than anything else. There were always questions, but some people just assumed since we lived together and hung out a lot. I guess it is a bit different now that I’m part of Rys’ herd and hang with him most of the time now, but I still make time to hang out with Bon-Bon every so often.” Ryan snickered, “Yeah ya do...mostly to keep her in check from going off on me anytime she thinks Ah’m going to break yer heart. If anyone is a silly pony, Ah think B-squared takes the cake there.” “That’s another thing I noticed. Why do you have all these strange nicknames for the ponies? It’s pretty weird, and that’s coming from a pony who is quite possibly insane.” Yer not possibly insane, kid. You are insane. I’m living proof of that. “...possibly sanity aside...the nickname thing, huh?” Ryan walked over and sat down before leaning against AppleJack. Running his hand through her mane he thought for a moment before speaking, “Well, the way Ah am, Deej, is that when I meet people—or in this case, ponies—that Ah like, Ah try to form a more...unique bond? Ah guess that’s the way to put it. Anyway, Ah try to do that by coming up with something Ah can call them that’s only what Ah do. At least, Ah try to as ya can tell with B-Squared, Cellie, Lunes, Apps, or Heartsy. Oh! T-Sparks too! Others are a bit...more challenging, so ya get something simpler like Flutters, Pinks, or Dashie. Of course, sometimes Ah hit outta the park with a nickname like Rare-bear! Haha. But yeah, Ah do it to create something more endearing and special for those that I care about and feel close to. It’s probably why Dark calls Malice ‘Mallie’ or ‘Mallie-kun’...he just wants to show how much he wants to be friends.” Screw friendship! “Yes, Malice, we all know you despise friendship as it doesn’t benefit you in any form.” Damn straight! DJ just shook his head with a sigh. “See what I have to put up with on a daily basis? Still, I understand it a little better now, but I still find it weird. But that’s coming from the guy who didn’t even give his Pokemon nicknames. Heh, ah well. Do what you do, I guess.” ‘Don’t feel bad, DJ! From what I can tell, Ryan didn’t nickname his poke-things either. And oh Mallie, yer such a cut-up! Someone needs another hug~’ Dark remarked before making a running tackle noise, ‘FRIENDSHIP!’ Get off me! I’m getting the twelve gauge! They hear a clicking sound coming from no where. Get off mah property! Can’t you see sign in the window! It says ‘no shirt, no shoes, no Shade, no service’! NOW GIT! ‘Is that all?’ Dark scoffed before taking off his shades and putting them away, ‘There we go. No Shades. Though I must say my eyes aren’t exactly normal so sorry if their oddity bothers you.’ Dark if you don’t get out of here now, I am going to show you the worst part of the pony fandom out of the kid’s head! DJ’s eyes shrank. “Oh mother! You aren’t bringing that up are you?!” If he doesn’t get lost, then yes, I’m bringing that up. “...uhm, DJ? What in tarnation is he talking about? You seem like you’ve seen a ghost.” “...Ryan, do you know anything about ‘rule 34’?” “Yeah. Of course I do.” Ryan cleared his throat before smirking, “If it exists, there is porn of it! No exceptions!” Those of his herd as well as the two princesses just stared at the conversation going on, especially at Ryan’s revelation. “...Ryan? What exactly is this….unique statement a rule of?” “Well, Cellie, it’s one of the many, many, many rules of the internet from mah world. And...well it’s kinda true. Anyway, are you suggesting what Ah think yer suggesting?” “It’s the darker part of the fandom, known as ‘clopping’. Some of it… well it’s not pretty. And a fair amount of it involves Luna.” “...me?” ‘Woona? Hmmm...well, clearly, whoever these weird humans are, they have great taste in ponies. I admit it’s a bit...strange to hear such things, but you act as if fantasies or other such material related to this aren’t common around here. Hell! When I was alive, there were stories about me!’ Ryan facepalmed, “Ah didn’t need to hear that.” Heh, only for one thing Dark: it’s called the darker part of the fandom for a reason. Think on that for a minute. ‘...so it’s sick and twisted. It’s porn. What else do you expect? It might be about Woona which is, as I said, strange and a bit unnerving, but it’s from another world. If it’s anything on par with what Ryan’s memories show he’s unfortunately seen traversing this internet thing, I can’t say I’m too surprised.’ “...just parade around all mah memories, why don’tcha partner? I swear, anytime we talk to you two the conversation goes the weirdest directions.” We’re spirits. That’s already off to a weird start. He’s ancient and I’m chaotic neutral, it’s how these things work, dude. Anyway, just a heads up on that Dark, since this is my domain, I can edit this stuff to your worst nightmares. Speaking of which, the kid and I have been working a dream walking spell, so be warned. DJ rolled his eyes. “We’re still a long ways off on that one, dude. We had better luck with the TV than that spell. Then again, it is coming along nicely if I do say so myself.” Luna smirked at that, “Oh, tip-toeing into my domain, are you? How curious. Though, I would advise treading lightly into Darkness’ mind. He is...how do I put this?” “Crazy?” “Incapable of being serious?” “A wacky, pervy nutjob?” ‘Handsome and delusional?’ “...and as usual, he finds the need to add to his own problems.” Luna laughed softly, “But my Darkness is...unique. So I wouldn’t suggest walking into his mind. There’s a reason I am careful just who’s mind I travel into at night, for there are things I have seen I wish I had not. Should you rather risk it, however, feel free to meddle about. You’ve been warned.” It won’t be anything I haven’t thought of myself or seen before. The only thing I fear, moonbutt, is women. Luna simply laughed at that comment before smiling knowingly, “As I said, you’ve been warned.” Twilight turned to Ryan before making a very peculiar face, “I...do you get what she’s saying?” “Ah better, seeing as Dark is in mah noggin. And it makes me wonder on things...not too hard, mind you, but just enough.” “...that’s very unclear, Rys.” “...it’s for the best, Dashie. Trust me on this one. It’s bad enough I know. I didn’t wanna know, but now I do. And trust me on this one: you don’t wanna know.” “Pretty sure I can understand that. You don’t want to see Malice’s mind either, well unless he’s having a nightmare.” Dark snickered before making a cooing noise, ‘Awwwww, poor Mallie-kun! If ya ever have a nasty old nightmare, yer buddy Darkness will be more than happy to comfort you in yer time of need!’ Get. Out. DJ snickered. “Actually, his nightmares are the ones he isn’t actually in. For some reason, his nightmares are always educational, like watching a History Channel special on World War II. It’s quite fascinating to watch, especially the one’s on ancient Greece.” Malice shuddered. It’s so boring, so mind-numbing. Can’t take it! Needs more explosions. History needs to be rewritten with Michael Bay as the director and narrated by Morgan Freeman. “...Ah find it hilarious that the moment you said it needed more explosions, Ah immediately thought to himself “What? Are you Michael Bay?”.” Ryan sighed, “The four of us...we think way too similarly. But...Ah don’t get it. WWII is like, full of war and explosions and violence. Why would Malice find that boring?” One: because it’s in black and white, mostly. Two: Never seen any good specials to give it proper respect. Three and most importantly: it’s a war that I’m not in. That just doesn’t sit right with me. DJ just shook his head. “You and your ego, you could use some proper intelligence for once. Ah well, at least Ryan’s right on how we’re similar.” You mean like Robin Williams and Pinkie Pie? “Aw! Too soon man!” “Ah’m with DJ! Let the wounds heal!” “Rysy-Wysy is right! Just for that….” Pinkie seemed to disappear before a struggle noise was heard, along with Malice shouting something unsavory. When Pinkie returned, she had the most pleased look on her face, “Your punishment. You get to spend the whole evening with Darky-warky doing whatever he wants!” Kid! Get me out here! “Hmm, maybe later.” I hate you kid! “I know you mean love!” Dark, I swear when I get out of here, I’m gonna take over DJ’s body and use it to rape your Woona, if you don’t let me out here right now! ‘Oh my! Such language.’ I’ll show you more than that if you— Dark made a shushing sound, and though no one else could see, he’d placed a finger on Malice’s face to silence him. ‘Oh Mallie, while I could let you go...and your nasty little threat is a bit worrisome, Ponk here has given me the primest of opportunities to show that we can totally be best buds! We’re gonna have some fun tonight and you’ll see that you and I? We’re not as different as you might think. So...what should we start with first? A movie? Some violent games from Ryan and DJ’s memories involving lots and lots of guns? Or...perhaps something else to bond over? I’m not heartless, after all, so you get some choices in the matter. Hahahahahaha.’ Well, sucks to be you then because I have no heart. Like literally, I have no heart. I still got the hole where the kid shoved the lightsaber through his chest. Plus, I choose *snap* hiding in the deepest pits of the kid’s mind! They heard the sound of slamming doors. Bar’s closed! Last call! Malice is out! Peace! “It’s just like him to abuse chaos magic.” Dark simply sighed in a manner one would use when someone is denying the inevitable. ‘Oh Mallie-kun. Our bromance is destiny at this point, so when will you embrace the fun of it all? Then again, playing hide and seek is enjoyable...and I’m quite good at seeking out the hidden details.’ Ryan coughed a bit, “He worries me with that. Though, something else bothers me? Malice is a pone like you now, right? So then...how did he use the chaos magic when you can’t snap with hooves? Ya know, cause no fingers.” “That was actually the sound of Malice’s horn. He can cast it whenever, being a chaotic pony and all. I don’t why he let’s his horn sound like that, because I know he does it on purpose. And Dark? Stay the buck outta there! That’s my mind! Not Ryan’s, go memory diving in there, but ya ain’t allowed in mine.” ‘So touchy, DJ. You should know me better than to trespass in your memories without permission. I only want to mess with my good buddy, and seeing as he’s hiding like a coward behind your mind, I guess there’s no choice but to head back to mine. One day, Mallie, I’ll get you to call me friend. Till then~’ Celestia snickered at the whole exchange that had happened and began breaking into a fit of laughter, “Oh Darkness...you never cease to amuse. You certainly are still just as adept as ever at pushing a pony’s buttons.” Luna softly chuckled. “Isn’t that the truth.” DJ smiled at the sound of their laughter, then frowned slightly remembering that it didn’t belong to the one he called mother. He sighed sadly, drooping a little. “I miss home. I want my Twilight, and a hug from Nyx would be nice. Or at least to see Scootaloo attempting to jump the Gorge for the third time, she always smiles so brightly when she risks her life.” At that everyone slowly ceased their laughter, remembering how out of place their new friend no doubt felt. Twilight smiled as she walked over and lifted his head up, “Hey. We’ll get you home. One way or another, we’ll find a way to make it happen.” Rainbow Dash nodded before smiling. “Of course! Twilight’s super smart, so if anypony can do it, she can! Besides…” DJ looked at her oddly. “Besides?” “Besides, if that doesn’t work, we’ll just throw Ryan at the boundaries of reality! His head is probably hard enough to shatter them!” “Ah reckon that’s true enough! The last time Ah butted heads with him Ah thought Apple Ryder was gonna crack mah noggin in half!” Ryan grumbled before crossing his arms, “...mah head is not that hard.” “Sounds like it to me. After all, Applejack can’t lie to save anything, so it must be true,” DJ smiled sadly, before a thought came to him. “Hey, by the way, have any of the CMC gotten their cutie marks yet here? Dinky, Bloom, Sweetie, Scootaloo, Nyx, and Twist all have theirs on my world now.” “Ah can report that Sweets, Scoots, and Bloomie don’t. Twist already had hers before the CMC were even a thing...if what Apps told me is right. And Dinky isn’t even part of the CMC’s...here anyway. Hmmm...another curious difference.” “Well, as Luna will learn as she gets further into the book—btw Celestia don’t be around her when she gets to the middle of the story, it won’t end well—Twist was brought in by Nyx and Dinky was inducted a few months before I showed up. Wow, thinking back on that, it’s been a long ass three years back home. So much happened and now it’s kinda hard to believe that this is the weirdest thing I’ve done yet. Omniversal travel, who knew?” Ryan shrugged, as did most of his herd. “Well, we’ll agree that takes the cake with stuff. Ah mean, Ah’ve only been here about a year and so far Ah’ve fought the God of Chaos, found out Ah’ve got the soul of an ancient hero in mah noggin, died twice, and went to hell and back. All in a year! Sheesh! Ah can’t imagine how crazy it’ll get from here on out, but from what you tell me of the timeline...Ah’m gonna see some serious shit.” DJ waved him off. “Nah, the dangerous stuff doesn’t happen til later, ya got a happy moment coming up soon enough, but I can’t say anymore than that. By the way, Ryan? Did you ever happen to share with everyone the story I told you when we were drunk off our asses? How’d ya like the forever drink hangover cure, by the way?” “Something happy? Ryan, what have you been talking about with him?” ‘That hangover cure was pretty boss. As Ryan will tell you, the pony booze does get him hammered but not as fast as it does the pones.’ “As for what we talked about while in what Ah like to call ‘Ultra-Wasted Land’, you might have ta be a bit more specific. We did say a lot of things and it’s all kinda jumbled together there in mah head. But, if Ah’d have ta pick, Ah imagine it’s the bit Ah guessed involving purple smart. If so, no, since Ah think that’s kinda not something to share for...stability reasons.” “Uh, no, well that too, but no. I meant did you explain to them yet why I despise Sombra with all of my very being?” Rainbow Dash answered for him, though with quite a bit of anger in her voice. “You bet yer plot he did! I just can’t…! To think Sombra did such a thing! And to...to Scoots….it’s no wonder you started tweaking out when we brought him up. Grrrr….it gets me mad just thinking about it!” DJ stared at her for a second. “Wow, that’s the same look Dash made when I made Sombra admit what he did in front of the Princesses and the others. She looked about ready to kill him too. Too bad that I had to go and make his death quick and easy. I swear, if I ever get a second chance at it… well that shouldn’t be discussed in polite company. At least Scoots is happy now, especially with that cutie mark of hers. Who knows what that filly will do next?” “...I forgot Ryan mentioned that.” Rainbow Dash chuckled softly, “Well, I just hope she’s able to get hers here too one day...without having something like that happen.” “Hee, yer always showing what a softie you are, Dashie-kins.” “Gah! Rys!” “Heh, that’s why she makes a good Godmother, ain’t that right! Oops, forgot, not talking to my Dash. Sorry, you’re way too alike.” You are related to too many damn ponies! ‘Mallie-kun! You came back! Flying tackle hug!’ Yipe! I’m not dealing with this! “And he’s gone again. But he does make a point, I’m starting to think I am getting too many ponies on the family tree.” ‘...oh well. And DJ, you can never have enough family! Look at Ry! He’s got like...so many connections now! Personally, I’m looking forward to when he meets the rest of his herd’s parents so, ya know, he can get the permission for marriage and such. He’s already met Twily’s and AJ’s parents and they seemed pretty chill, but the others are...more mysterious~’ AppleJack sighed, “Dark...sometimes Ah wonder how that human of ours is as together as he is with you constantly doing crazy in his ear.” “Heh, I remember Night Light and Twilight Velvet well. First time we met, Velvet blasted me into a snow bank thinking I was a Diamond Dog. How insulting, I mean was hairless ape really that hard to tell?! Anyway, I got them back when we told them how I became a pony and about our engagement. I tricked them into thinking I was dead and Twilight was going to marry a pony version of Steve Urkel. Oh man, you should’ve seen the looks on their faces! Priceless!” “Oh mah various ponies! That had to be pretty awesome. That Diamond Dog thing got me thinking though...it’s weird, but most pones here didn’t really treat me all that oddly. Ah mean, yeah, they stared at first but there’s only been two ponies that have really been against me: Trixie when she first met me, calling me ape and then...Filthy Rich.” “I haven’t had much interaction around Mr. Rich, but I have seen him around Ponyville. He avoids us a lot, for reasons that you can ask Luna about when she’s finished the book. But, I do know what it’s like to be the talk of the town. My honeymoon with Twilight was filled with ponies whispering behind our backs. Put my Twilight in tears by the weeks end, and it was her birthday week too. Thankfully it got settled, but Mare-ami had a strange snowstorm blow in about a week later. Nopony knows what caused it.” DJ smiled slyly, looking to the ceiling. “....Mare-ami? Really? Really? Really?” Ryan looked aside and narrowed his eyes, “Damn that’s good! Why didn’t Ah think of that first? Mah moment of reference aside, Filthy is...he apparently knew about humans when everyone else didn’t. Ah bumped into him a few times cause Ah was trying to extend friendship to his daughter and her friend in an attempt to get them to perhaps—if not be friends with them—to at least lay off mah lil’ sisters. It actually went well, but since that winter party last year…” “Oh this doesn’t sound good. I’m gonna guess one of you flew off the handle, probably him since it takes a lot to push you over the edge.” Did somebody say pain and suffering? “No, but it sounds like it’s heading that way.” Dark smiled as he put his arm around Malice, ‘If you wish to hear such things, stay a spell. It was a wonderful winter party, thrown by Tia and Woona for mostly the Canterlot crowd but we were there too. Ryan and I danced with AppleJack, said hello to Fancy Pants who was charming as always, and even lightened up the crowd with some dumb puns and teasing our dear Princesses with pranks. Sadly, it all came to a halt when after helping Spike out of the punch he was, well, spiked into, Ryan turned and bumped into Filthy...who then was covered in punch. Ryan went to help out…’ “But then he went all Planet of the Apes on me and caused a huge scene. He tried to call me out on what humanity was capable of, but everypony there already knew thanks to T-Sparks and Lunes helping spread info of our kind after we put the kibosh on Disky again. He tried to hit me, ended up getting beat up by Apps, threw a chair at me, then was personally punished by Cellie and Lunes.” Ryan sighed at the memory, “Ah ended up flying off into the night, buying too many donuts from Joe, and eating the sorrows till the gals found me at the small park by the waterfall. Since that day, Ah haven’t seen Filthy all that much...or at all, really. Come to think of it, Bloomie and the others haven’t said much about DT either. Hmmm….that bothers me fer some reason. Still, that event did push us all closer together and is probably one reason we ended up a herd. So some good came of it.” As entertaining as that story was… Dark? ‘Yes my devilishly chaotic friend?’ Malice smiled wickedly. ZAP!! Malice fired a bolt of lightning at Dark at point blank range, striking him in the chest. Don’t touch me! ‘Hmmm...’ Dark cleared his throat before removing his arm from around Malice’s neck, ‘It’s got a different taste from DJ’s...one I can’t quite put my finger on. Not sure what you were hoping for there, but lightning is my speciality, remember? Elemental Sync and all that. But it’s cool, I’ve had my fun so I’ll let you be...for now.’ What the hell do you see in this whack job, Luna? He should be put down, he’s so old. “You hitting on Luna, Malice?” DJ asked with a smirk. ...No… Luna giggled, “I see many things in him, that one who is not in love with him would miss. And is DJ Sparkle correct? Do you have a crush on me? That’s adorable.” Stay back vile heathen! Yer still a woman, so back off! Doesn’t matter if you are best princess, yer still a scourge! Dark clicked his tongue before sighing, ‘Oh Mallie, Mallie, Mallie...to say such things when the ever radiant sun is sitting right there. As much as I do agree, seeing as Woona is my number one pony, Tia understands that from me since she still got plenty of attention. From you, however...’ Dark laughed darkly at that, before ruffling Malice’s mane, ‘From you, she is not as...understanding. I’d warn you to run, but odds are...you’ll never see it coming. Nopony ever does...’ “Ah’d say that’s ominous, but Ah’ve been there before so...good luck, Malice!” Eh, what do I have to worry about? I’m in here, she’s out there, plus I just got a new body guard for the bar. Only Dark could see him, but his eyes were wide at the sight. You may have a sun goddess, but I got a Hulk. Ryan facepalmed, “...even Ah think that’s gone too far, and you’ve seen the stuff written here.” Yeah, what’s your point? If Cellie, or Trollie, hell even Mollie, wants to get to me, she’s gonna have a fight on her hooves. And Dark if you help her, I swear I will never drink with you again. “....Trollie I get, but...Mollie?” Twilight turned to her teacher, “What is that supposed to mean?” “Do not worry about the ramblings of a man on the edge, Twilight Sparkle.” Dark, however, had gasped loudly and stared at Malice with wide, puppy-dog eyes. ‘Never again?!’ Never, even if the sun goes out and the moon crashes to the planet surface. And Twilight, Mollie is short for Molestia and she has a thing for younger girls. Kinky, if it were human that is. “...I probably didn’t need to know that.” Twilight sighed, rambling without thinking, “I mean...it’s bad enough I found all that fanfiction she wrote about our human and Dark...oh buck. I said that out loud, didn’t I?” The group went deathly silent before all faces turned to Celestia as if to ask an unspoken question. Celestia simply stared back at them, “What?” ...Celestia, I swear if I’m in any of those fics, I’m burning all of them and then finding a spell that locks you out of your cake storage. “That goes double for me!” ‘I love that’s the first place you jump. But I wouldn’t worry too much...you guys haven’t been here long enough for that to happen. Once you leave, well….’ “Honestly, I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. It’s just ridiculous….” “Hold it!!” Pinkie suddenly stated, wearing a familiar blue blazer with her hair slicked back into points. “I have here in my hands, evidence that perhaps it isn’t so?” Lyra watched the stack of paper flopping about in Pinkie’s hoof carefully. “What...what is that? It’s got a lot of pages!” “...Pinks? Haven’t Ah told you not to go grabbing the old scripts like that? At least you aren’t reading ahead...yet.” “But Rysy-Wysy! This proves that the Princess is hiding a secret like this! See, right here in this part after you and Dark had that moment of clashing swords she makes some suggestive dialogue...and then again after he pops back into your noggin. Clearly, there is a basis for these allegations.” Twilight tapped her chin, “I hate to say it, Princess, but Pinkie does seem to be Wright with this one.” “OBJECTION! That pun was too terrible to be used. Do not do it again.” At that Ryan banged his hands on a desk that apparently materialized from nowhere. “Ah object to yer objecting! It’s very relevant! But yeah, seeing as that’s a thing, Cellie, yer miles away from us believing you’re so innocent.” Well, she’s old and lonely. She was destined to become lecherous at some point. “Oh mother, we are so getting sent to the moon.” Hey kid, want a banana before we go? “You suck!” Celestia, for her part, showed no noticeable change in her features. However, if one were to look closely, you could definitely see very subtle twitching of her eye, and her tail. Dark, knowing the jig was up, patted Malice on the back before popping back into Ryan’s head, ‘Have fun, Mallie. I’ll pray for you.’ “Likewise, DJ. Enjoy the fruit of yer efforts...or Malice’s rather.” “Hey if she yells at me that’s perfectly fine. I was once yelled at by every parent in Ponyville once for over a week. Please, please just be yelling.” Pray to who exactly? The kid and I don’t practice religion. “Let’s not bring that up now… or ever for that matter.” “Oh, we’ll just leave what happens up to the imagination of the readers. You told me you can’t teleport, right? Well, that’s just fine. T-Sparks?” “Yes?” “You know what to do.” Twilight rolled her eyes but smirked, “Very well.” “Later, partner!” With that Ryan and his herd were teleported from the room, leaving DJ and Malice to stare down with Celestia. “Le gulp! You suck Ryan!” Ryan’s voice echoed about the room, “As Ah once told Cellie, payback isn’t always a bitch: sometimes it’s just a creative bastard! Have fun~” “I’m so gonna get that bastard back for this. He can forget about me helping with that project he was talking about.” DJ looked back to Celestia and gulped. “So… uh, can I just say that you actually do look a little thinner than my mother?” “That is quite kind of you, DJ Sparkle…” Celestia’s eyes narrowed as she grinned, “But I’m afraid that won’t help you very much.” “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” Kid, if it helps any, I never meant for you to get caught up in this. “Really?” Yeah, I was hoping it would be Dark and Ryan staring this down instead of us. Just remember Cellie! You kill me, you kill the kid! Celestia quickly stood up, before walking painfully slow towards them. “Oh Malice, two things: One, only Ryan can call me that. And two: Who said anything about killing you? After all, there are far more enjoyable ways of handling this...now then, shall we get started with the fun?” All the two alicorns could do, was gulp. Early the next morning, Ryan woke up before everyone else and got dressed. He had let himself rest a little too much the day before, and wanted to get back to his exercise/meditation routine before he let himself slip too much. Poofing Malus Domestica on to his back, he headed into the courtyard before starting his morning jog all the wonder of Celestia’s sunrise. Sure enough, as he looked up towards her balcony he could see her just before she headed back inside. ‘So...what do you figure she did to them?’ “Ah don’t know, partner. From what Ah sensed, they didn’t crawl slowly back to their guest room until quite some time afterwards.” Ryan leaped over a hedge, before quickly rolling to the left and continuing onward. ‘Hey wait, isn’t that them over in the middle of the courtyard?’ Ryan looked to where Dark indicated and true enough, DJ was just sitting there, eyes closed. “Yeah...seems he’s deep in thought.” Ryan smirked, “Let’s join them.” With that he slowly walked over to the blue alicorn before settling into a pose and closing his eyes, focusing quietly as well. “Good morning Ryan. Darkness,” DJ greeted without even opening his eyes. “Good morning back to you, DJ.” ‘Malice.’ Darkness. Did you have a good sleep? ‘Why, yeah. We slept as well as we usually do. Ryan’s herd...they make a rather comfortable blanket.’ “...how about you two? How are you fairing?” “It was… fascinating. I had no idea of the things Celestia is capable of.” She can be very personal when she feels like it. “We know the feeling. They do say it’s different for everyone.” ‘Nice to know Tia didn’t hold back on ya.’ “To be fair, most of it is a blur, so I can’t really say much on what happened. I don’t feel anything bad, but just… not really sure how to describe it.” Violated? “Hmm… close. Eh, it’ll have to do. Doesn’t explain why I found her crown in my tail when I woke up though.” “That sounds about right.” Ryan chuckled softly, “...her crown in yer tail, though? Hmm...Ah suppose that’s better than finding cake in your unmentionables….and your shoes. Ah never got the shoes bit…” ‘Again...being unique for everyone, even I can’t say why the results are what they are.’ DJ shrugged. “Well, as interesting as this conversation is, I should probably start my morning sparring. So, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go attack some dummies who did nothing wrong.” We’re going to attack Dark? Oh wait, he’s done plenty wrong, my bad. ‘And there’s the normal Mallie, back to his lovely witty self. Though he raises an intriguing point.’ “Indeed. While fighting wooden dummies is all well and good, it’s not often we have another fellow warrior to spar with. Shiny used to spar with us quite often...but lately he’s gotten tired of losing. Ah know we already went full out, but how’s about we just have a more friendly practice if yer up for it? Ah mean, Ah’ve already got Malus Domestica with me after all…” “Weeelll… ah what the hell, I could use a sparring partner that fights back for once. Not even an Everfree tree can do that. Hope you don’t mind that I stay the way I am for this, I need to get better at fighting with a sword in my mouth.” One of his lightsabers flew out of his jacket and into his mouth, the blue blade igniting to life with a hum. “I’ve got the power on low, so it won’t cut anything we don’t want it to.” “Cool. And that’s fine. Ah’m used to sparring with pones so it’s all good.” Ryan drew Malus Domestica, “And mah sword knows to follow her master’s desires, so yer not gonna get hurt as well. Well, not in the cutting way anyway. It’ll still sting to get smacked. I am curious to find out how you sword-fight as a pone though, especially seeing as you aren’t using yer magic like Shiny does.” With that Ryan got into his stance, before nodding. “Whenever yer ready.” “Let’s get it on!” DJ charged, swinging his sword to which Ryan met head on. An hour later, DJ and Ryan finally joined the girls for breakfast. “There ya are, Apple Ryder. Ya snuck out on us again, ya naughty human you.” “Oh, darling. It’s clear he just wanted to have some more fun with his new friend.” Rarity giggled, “I think it’s cute.” “Hey, at least I tied with him this time!” DJ cried indignantly, scowling a little as he took a seat at the table. “Sorry for being curt, but it’s early and I haven’t had anything to wake up except getting beat in the head by a knock-off zanpakuto.” Both Ryan and Dark paused at that comment before an audible cracking noise was heard. Slowly turning his head towards DJ, Ryan smiled creepily at him. “Ah’m sorry...what was that you said? It’s early so perhaps Ah misheard...what did you call Malus Domestica?” “Oh come off it,” DJ replied with a British accent. “You know quite well that Bleach did it first, so don’t go thinking that your sword’s all that special. Mine aren’t either, so don’t even try it. Just eat ya food and shut yer pie hole.” ‘Oooh, I think Mallie and DJ might just regret that comment one day, eh Ry?’ Ryan chuckled softly, “Quite. But for now he’s right as this is one hungry human. Sparring takes a lot outta ya.” “...how did he tie with ya?” asked Apps, a little stunned. “Did ya let him get ya that good?” DJ clicked his tongue. “If he did, he’s gonna pay for it later.” “My my, so harsh, DJ. Do Ah seem the type to do that?” “I don’t know, I haven’t had my wake-up juice just yet. Talk to me after I’ve down a gallon’s worth of Mountain Dew. Speaking of which.” Suddenly, a cup flew out of DJ’s pocket which he caught in his magic. “Thank you, Uno.” “S’aight.” DJ began to chug the drink with fervor, but to the girls’ surprise, it never emptied or lost any of the liquid inside. “Ah, nothing like good ol’ fashioned caffeine and citrus to start the day.” “...soda. Now that’s something Ah haven’t thought of in a long while. At least, not the stuff Ah remember. There’s the pone’s version of it but...it ain’t quite the same. Then again, it’s healthier for me that way, so...probably fer the best.” “Hey if you want a sip I ain’t stoppin’ ya. Just tell the cup what ya want to drink and boom bam ya got an infinite amount of it. One of the best presents I ever received, besides ol’ Omni. Ya can probably guess who got it for me.” DJ passed the cup over to Ryan, who looked at it warily. “Hmmm...Ah don’t know...Ah think Ah read something about a crazy cup on the internet back in the day on some organization’s website. Some kinda three-letter acronym or something...said it was cursed.” Ryan took another look at it before picking it up, “Still...it can be any drink?” “That’s what Dissy told me. Hey, it came up with that hangover cure, so it can’t be bad. Plus, Pix has one too, so I doubt it’s that cup you're worrying about. Can even be stuff that’s not made anymore if ya want it to be.” Ryan’s eyes lit up at that last bit, “Stuff that isn’t made anymore? Oh sweet, sweet plot of mah dear apple-butt.” Apps rolled her eyes, “Must ya bring mah rear into things?” “Yes! Only such exclamations can adequately work! So...cup. There’s one...no, two drinks from mah youth Ah’ve dreamt of tasting again for ages. Can you make Ecto Cooler?” Ryan watched as the cup did it’s thing and filled with a very curious, pale green liquid, “Could it be?” Realizing to hell with it, he took a sip...and smiled like he won the lottery. “Oh sweet nostalgia...who ya gonna call? It’s like Ah’m eight years old again! Okay, okay...not bad. But what about Surge? This stuff had so much sugar and caffeine in it Ah doubt even Pinks could handle it.” “Surge? I think I’ve heard of that, I think my buddy was drinking some of that stuff when I got sent back to Earth. Something about it being a ‘mountain dew killer’ and was being sold on Amazon. Either way, keep it away from me! My body doesn’t react well with that much sugar.” “Oh yeah...this stuff made Mountain Dew look like tap water.” Ryan smirked at the neon-green, carbonated beverage that now filled the cup, “It was so sugary and caffeinated the government actually had to strongarm its producer to stop making it. People do sell old cans, though Ah doubt they have the potency of a fresh batch. Oh, the nights of gaming this fueled when Ah was younger...six of these and Ah had more energy than Pinkie when she’s doing lines of pixie stix.” “Ooooooh~ Rysy-Wysy, I have to try this stuff!” “...Ah...Ah don’t know if that’s a smart idea.” “Please?” “Ah….Ah really don’t….” “Hey if she wants some let her have some, worst that could happen is she goes nutty like that squirrel in Hoodwinked when he drank coffee. Just keep it away from me, you won’t like the reaction you’ll get back.” “...guessing too much pure sugar does bad things to ya, huh?” Ryan remarked before taking a sip of the stuff, “Oh yeah! That’s the overly carbonated goodness Ah recall. Well...here Pinks.” Pinkie giggled as she took the cup and stared at it, “It looks like radioactive slime! That’s awesome! Well, let’s get this party started!” Pinkie downed the drink in a blink of an eye before setting the cup down and just staring straight ahead, unmoving as the others looked at her. “Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked, moving slightly closer before nudging her, “Are...are you okay?” “Oh, this is gonna be worse than I thought. Duck and cover!” DJ ducked under the table, the others not knowing if they should follow suit. Ryan nodded at the others to get down before he walked over towards Pinkie. “Pinks? Are you…? Hmmm….” Staring at her prone form, he could see that something was off...and looking into her eyes showed something crazy was indeed about to happen. ‘...why are her eyes flashing rainbow colors?’ “...that can’t be good. Fire in the hole!!” Ryan screamed before scrambling back to his herd and throwing up a shield. This was done just in time as Pinkie Pie exploded upwards in a magical caffeine induced rainbow blast, sending all sorts of crazy party items everywhere as she began bouncing all over the room. DJ peeked out from underneath the table, watching with his eyes wide as Pinkie bounced all around. “Okay, no one gives Pinkie sugar for at least another hour after this. And in case you were wondering what would have happened if I drank that stuff, pretty much this except I would have died at the end.” “Hmmm…” Ryan grabbed the cup, willed some more Surge into it, and downed it, “...Ah don't get it. If this does that to super sweets pone, then why isn’t it affecting me like that? This thing is quite possibly the sugarest, carbonatedest soda in existence.” “Because yer used to it!” DJ said, ducking again as Pinkie bounced over him again. “Ah suppose that’s true…” “Darling, do something before she wrecks the place.” Rarity sighed, “If that happens, I highly doubt Princess Celestia and Luna will be very happy.” ‘I suppose we have no choice then...’ “Right. If we don’t survive, remember that we love you!” Ryan remarked, before scrambling out from beneath the table and pulling out a comically large catcher’s mitt, “Alright! Right down the plate!” “Hey batta batta, hey batta batta!” DJ yelled out with a goofy smile. ‘And here’s the pitch!’ Dark shouted as Pinkie came hurtling towards them before making contact with the mitt, ‘Ooof! A super fast-ball...what’s that burning smell?’ Ryan blinked before looking down to see that Pinkie’s impact had set the glove on fire. Screaming in surprise he began to frantically run about. ‘Dude! Just yank it off!’ “Ah’m trying! But that impact from Pinks changed the structure of this thing! It’s stuck!” Ryan groaned, trying to pull the burning glove off as hard as he could. DJ rolled his eyes and walked over to Ryan, still pulling with all his strength. “Really?” DJ asked with a raised eyebrow. He powered up his horn and fired a bolt of ice at the glove, putting it out instantly and freezing it solid. Ryan stared as the glove just crumbled away, revealing his hand, completely unharmed. “While I may be fire prone, I can always put it out with ease. Ice magic is best magic, after all.” “Oh. Right. Magic. That’s a thing Ah should’ve done. Funny how the most common answer goes out the backdoor when yer hand is on fire.” “Indeed,” Celestia said with a smile as she walked in. “Good morning to you all, my little ponies and humans. Ah DJ, would you mind if I had a word with my subjects, alone?” “Nah, I can take a hint,” he waved off. “If you need me, I’m going to go make science and magic, which will probably explode, but that’s the fun part! Meep Meep!” With that, the blue alicorn was off. ‘...he’s gonna do something we’ll have ta fix, isn’t he?’ “Most likely partner.” Ryan sighed, “Anyway...what’s up, Cellie? What’s so hush-hush that ya have to chat with just us?” “Ryan… have you and Darkness become… attached to our guest?” Celestia sounded off, almost worryingly so. Ryan’s eyebrow raised slightly at this unexpected question. “Uhm, kinda. Ah mean, you’ve seen how hard Dark’s trying to be Malice’s friend and DJ...he’s certainly one to give me a run for the money in the random department. Ah mean, Ah know he’s gonna have to head back to his own reality soon enough, but he’s certainly someone Ah could call friend from what all has happened.” Celestia sighed, hanging her head. “I was afraid of that.” ‘...Tia? What’s that supposed to mean?’ “Gather around my little ponies, I feel I should tell you all about the legend that we spoke of before. So you know what is to befall your friend in the future.” “...ominous as always.” Ryan sighed before sitting down in front of Celestia with his herd. “This legend...I find it curious there is no written form of it in any book I’ve seen, Princess.” Twilight scrunched up her face, “Even in the secret library, there’s no note of such a thing. Is this legend so secretive even those from a thousand years ago didn’t know of it?” “You will find very few that know of the Beings, my faithful student. That is a part of their curse. You see, Beings of Harmony and Chaos have existed before, how many will remain a mystery, but there have been several. They are two of the most powerful beings who can exist and possess untold amounts of magic and very special abilities. They can wield the Elements of Harmony to their full potential. It has been said to be a marvelous sight to be seen.” “So, what yer saying is, there’s a difference between how the gals and Ah—and Apple Ryder as well, it seems—wield the Elements compared to these high-level beings? And so, something about that makes them...hidden from reality?” “The Elements are an ancient magic, Applejack. Far older than anything known to ponykind, as such they are a complete mystery. The Beings are special as they have a direct relationship with the Elements, able to access all the hidden powers within. What they are, we may know if DJ and Malice discover them, but we will never remember it.” “So basically, what you’re telling us is that the powers are something that only the Beings will remember?” Lyra thought this over, making thinking noises as she did, “So...okay. The Elements are some super crazy old magic, that only these special ancient race of Beings truly understand, and anyone else that can harness them will never be able to match their understanding and expertise of them. So that being said...what exactly does that mean about the fate of them you and Discord kept talking about? What exactly happens in those moments that makes getting attached to them such a bad thing?” Celestia sighed, knowing it was time. “It is not a bad thing to get attached to them, but it will hurt so much more when their destiny catches up with them. For you see my little ponies and human, the Beings destiny… is to die.” “...Ah see.” Ryan closed his eyes. “Ah had an inkling that was what this was leading up to…” “But it is so much worse than you think, Ryan. When a Being’s destiny is fulfilled, they will be… erased. Every trace of them will disappear, memories, deeds, relationships. All gone in the blink of eye, leaving only emptiness in their places. There will be nothing to say that they ever existed, such as they were meant to. Beings are not meant to exist, you see. Their powers are far too great for the mortal plain, but they come into creation when Equestria needs them most. When their duty is fulfilled, everything is returned to normal without them. This is why I feared you growing attached to those two, because I did not want you to have to go through that. I fear that it was the loss of a Being long ago that keeps this emptiness in my own heart as well as Luna’s and Discord’s. We may never know the truth, but that is what we will believe.” “Ryan…” Fluttershy whimpered as she looked at their human, his eyes closed and arms crossed as he was deep in thought over this new information. In truth, Dark was a little surprised for the simple fact that he had an eerie emptiness in his own heart he could never explain, but had never confided it’s existence to either Princess or Discord. Eventually, Ryan took a deep breath before opening his eyes and saying one word. “...bullshit. I refuse to believe that every part of me will ever forget somebody like those two. No matter how much yer head might forget, yer heart never does. And while it does seem as if a lot of things match up with DJ and Malice, Ah’m still not entirely convinced those two are exactly like these Beings. Something about them just seems off in a way Ah can’t quite explain...even if we go with yer theory about them, Ah just feel like that isn’t quite the full truth.” Ryan laughed softly, “Either way, Cellie, it doesn’t change a thing. Ah still wanna be their friends, and even if all you say is true, Ah will not forget them...and if possible, Ah’d do anything Ah could ta help them break “destiny” as it were.” “I knew you would feel that way… I did too. But all I can remember was the legend they left us. Everything else is gone. Memories, pictures, their deeds erased from history and replaced with simple coincidences. I tried to keep track of them, to remember them, but it was all in vain. They cannot be saved, Ryan. All we can do is make their slim existence great. I wish there was more we could do for them, but it simply cannot be done.” Ryan made a small noise in reply before removing his glasses dramatically. “Heh, Ah refuse to believe in the no-win scenario. If Ah did, Ah highly doubt Ah’d have ended up on this planet full of talking, technicolor ponies. Even though Ah know now of the connection Ah have to this world, something else had to spark whatever it was that ended up bringing me here. Believing that the future cannot be changed...that it is set in stone...Ah just can't bring mahself to believe that. The future hasn’t happened, it doesn’t happen till we make it, so by the heavens above Ah’ll fight to do every little bit Ah can to make a good ending happen. Even if it ends up just leading me to a stronger heartache...at least Ah tried, and Ah owe the future that much.” “Very well, I cannot stop you from taking that route, but under no circumstance are you to tell either of them the legend. They cannot know.” With that Celestia walked off, her head hung and a slight tear in the corner of her eye. ‘...Tia. What did we forget...there’s so much I don’t remember as it is...but this one...hmmm...’ “...you okay, Rys?” “Yeah, Dashie...Ah just...it just don’t sit right with me is all. Cellie is right about one thing: we can’t tell them. Ah’m not sure what that would do, if they knew...it might make things worse...or it might make them better. But Ah think for the sake of….” ‘Normalcy?’ “Yeah. For that it’s best to not let them know….” “Rysy-Wysy…” Pinkie plopped her head in his lap, “Don’t be sad. We’ll do what we can too, okay? You’re our human, so we’re in this with you no matter what. Right, girls?” “Yeah!” “Haha, thanks.” Ryan heaved a sigh he didn’t realize he’d been holding in, “That was a little too heavy for the morning, Ah must admit…” “Would you care to go for a stroll, darling? Perhaps if we took a small trip around town it might raise your spirits?” “Maybe, Rare-bear. Some fresh air would do me some good...heh, while we’re out let’s bring back some donuts for Deej and Malice. Ah wonder what flavor they like best?” ‘Knowing Mallie, probably chaos flavored...though I’m not sure how Joe could make a donut like that. What exactly would chaos taste like anyway?’ Roughly an hour later, Ryan and his herd were walking through the castle, a bag of donuts in his hand. As they were getting closer to DJ’s room they stopped when they saw Celestia heading that direction as well. She spotted them and smiled warmly. “Hello again, I wish to apologize for the way I acted previously, my little human. I just don’t want to see you hurt.” “It’s fine, Princess. What are you doing down here anyways?” “I was on my way to see DJ. I am sending him back to Ponyville with you, I feel that the familiar surroundings would be good for him.” They reached DJ’s door now and Ryan prepared to enter. “I bet he’d like that, let’s see…” he opened the door, but stopped short at what he saw within. The small room was now much larger… and looked like a winter resort! Then he saw DJ ski past him, smiling and humming ‘Winter Wonderland’. Ryan slammed the door shut, a look of pure confusion on his face. “Is everything alright?” Celestia asked. “I...I don’t…” ‘I’ve got nothing.’ Ryan steeled himself, hoping he was just seeing things and opened the door again. This time, the room was a large dank dungeon with a massive pipe organ in the middle. DJ was playing at the organ, but turned when he heard the door. When DJ spotted him, he hissed, revealing twin fangs. Once again, Ryan slammed the door, putting his back against it. ‘...What the hell?!’ “What is up with that crazy pone?!” “Oh it can’t possibly be that bad,” Twilight said, pushing Ryan out of the way and opening the door herself. The two them looked in and saw a mad scientist's laboratory on a dark and stormy night. DJ was wearing a lab coat with a wild look in his eye, near a massive table with something under a white sheet. The thing began to move. “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!!” And it gets three miles to the gallon! Ryan and Twilight both slammed the door shut, neither saying anything. “I take back what I said,” she muttered. “Oh you both are just being silly,” Pinkie said, pushing them both away and going in herself. “Hi DJ!” Ryan looked in and saw it was a motocross racetrack. “Hey Pinkie!” DJ said as he drove past with a backflip on a motorbike. Pinkie closed the door with a smile. “He’s fun.” She bounced back to the others, who were just watching with disbelief and confusion, same could be said for Celestia. Ryan let out a breath and moved to the door once again. “I swear if somethin’ crazy is behind this door, he ain’t getting that donut.” He pushed the door open and saw DJ… with his chalk boards just writing notes. The alicorn looked over his shoulder and waved. “Hey Ryan.” ‘Sup, shade-dork. Ryan just started to stutter. “Wha...but you… and the organ… with the lightning…” “That’s a good fish impersonation, buddy. Can you do an owl, too?” DJ was smiling quite innocently at him. Too innocently. “...DJ? Yer an asshole.” “What? I’ve just been watching you all open and close the door like a bunch of weirdos for the past couple of minutes and now I’m the asshole?” Ryan raised a finger and tried to say something. Several times, but he ended up just face palming and throwing DJ the bag. “Just eat yer donut.” “Food! Ooh, chocolate, my favorite! Thanks guys!” He plopped the donuts in his mouth and downed them with a gulp, licking his lips. “Mmm, delicious. So, what’s up?” “Well, Cellie here says we’re all clear and good to head back home, so we figured we’d come here, tie you up, toss you in a sack, and kidnap you back to Ponyville.” ‘It seemed the proper thing to do, seeing as legal kidnapping is something we’re a pro at given all the surprises we pull on the herd. Haha.’ DJ stared back at them and then deadpanned. “You put me in a sack, I will find at least one of your herd’s parents and sing them ‘Two Pink Lines’ saying that it is true about you and their daughter.” “...Ah’m afraid the full focus of the threat is lost on me, as Ah’m not familiar with that song, partner.” DJ smirked at that and a bit of music began playing in the background. Oh boy, you just couldn’t have faked knowing the song. Ya brought this on yerself, dude. “Uhm...okay? Ah still fail to see the issue here. What? Are ya gonna sing about me getting the gals pregnant or something?” DJ’s smile widened even more. ‘...oh God, he is. Well, Mallie’s words make sense now.’ DJ began to dance to the music and his song began. She was pacing back and forth on her front porch I pulled up slinging gravel in my daddy's Ford She cried all the way to Johnson's store I kept the motor running and parked by the door Yeah, I was foolish and wild, she was classic and regal We were fresh out of school both barely legal We were young and on fire, and just couldn't wait Six weeks in, she was three weeks late One means none and we're home free Two means three and a diamond ring Yeah, I wonder what fate is gonna decide We're just sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines Sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines Ryan’s face was quite red just from the beginning of the song. It took the girls a little bit longer to realize it, but when they did, they blushed profusely, Rarity even fainting in shock. Not even Celestia could keep the blush from her face. Yeah, her daddy's gonna kill me and that's a fact Maybe we'll just leave town and never come back Or I could stand there and tell him, face him like a man Oh, who am I kidding, he'll never understand Yeah, that's second hand just keeps slowing down I swear it stopped twice the last time around Yeah, we'll know the truth in three minutes time We're just sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines Sittin' around, waiting on two pink lines Hot summer nights, whispering her name Under the blanket by the river bank Hearts beating fast, we never thought twice But she pulled me close and I held on tig-- DJ was pulled out of his song as Ryan finally clamped his mouth shut, blushing to the point that he was practically boiling like an egg. “That’s enough of that!” The pony simply smiled back at him, feeling victory. When Ryan let go, the smile still didn’t fade. “Remember, Ryan, I play dirty.” Ryan rolled his eyes, “Clearly. Ah suppose at the least none of mah herd’s parents were around to hear that. If yer quite done, Ah suppose we can head back home now.” He glanced at Rarity. “Uhm...well, after we wake mah marshmallow up anyway.” DJ looked over at Rarity and blinked. “Huh. She even forgot to get out the couch. I knew I was good, but not that good.” Ryan hefted Rarity on to his shoulder, rolling his eyes once again. “...don’t think so highly of yerself. Now hold on tight, we’re headin’ back the same way we got here, which means we use yer favorite mode of transport!” “Ugh. I hate depending on other people for transport. Why can’t I teleport, damn it!?” No idea kid, but you might as well give up on that dream. You and Twilight have spent months trying to figure it out and it just ain’t gonna happen. “Man, so much for dreams coming true.” “...I’m actually kind of curious about that myself.” Twilight noted before harmonizing her magic with Ryan’s, “It’s a pretty basic level spell, so the fact that you can’t utilize it seems quite bizarre.” “Well, whatever the case, let’s head home. Later Cellie, say bye to Lunes for us and give a holler if ya need anythin’.” With that the group popped out of sight, heading back towards Ryan and his herd’s home near Sweet Apple Acres. DJ took a big breath once they landed and smiled as he exhaled. “That’s one thing that hasn’t changed. I still love that fresh Sweet Apple Acre smell.” “Yeah, it’s something, isn’t it? Then again, home always does something to me like that. Something about them apple trees, the rolling farmland, the farmhouse in the distance...especially at sunset. It’s almost magical how it all just fits so perfectly.” There was a silence for a few moments. “So… what happens now?” “Well, darling, I imagine you’ll be staying with us while Twilight tries to work out that dimensional transport spell.” “Heh, Rares is right on that one partner. Ah’ve got plenty of guest rooms, so yer welcome to crash as long as ya like. Shouldn’t be too long, seein’ as when it comes to magic mah bookworm is like the best mare ever.” “Ry….” Twilight blushed, “I’m not that great...but I will do my best to get a spell created.” “With that said, perhaps we should give you a tour of the house and then maybe Ah can interest ya in some of the crazy things Dark and Ah have tinkered to create.” Ryan smiled before pointing to the oddly designed house next door, “As Ah said, that’s Disky’s house so, feel free to say hi to him if’n ya want as well but...be aware his house is kinda….how to best put it?” “Chaotic~” ‘Well, yeah that’s…!’ “Gah!” Ryan jumped at Discord’s sudden appearance behind him, “Disky! Ah told ya to stop doing that! Mah ticker can only handle so much of that!” “Didn’t you see him when we arrived? He’s been here, like, the whole time.” “...really? Huh.” “Yeah, Ah figured ya knew, seeing as we all saw him standing there when we poofed back into reality, Apple Ryder.” “...man, mah sensors must be off then. Maybe it was all the blows to the head earlier…” “You have no right to complain,” DJ huffed with a sour look. Ryan smirked. “Oh, Ah never said Ah was complainin’. Just makin’ a factual statement. So then, Disky, if you decided to join us you must be thinkin’ something. So...what’s on yer mind?” “Do you really want to know?” Discord asked with a crazed look, getting right in Ryan’s face. “I wouldn’t answer that if I were you,” DJ said. “Discord did that to me back home and… the rest of that day is a blank. Any ideas Malice?” Huh… I can’t remember either. Something about ‘unlimited knowledge’ or something? I think he was trying to explain how he thinks. “Oh, right. Again, don’t do it.” ‘...if it was that, I’d be okay. I had that discussion with Cordy soooo long ago. Come to think of it...when we had it, that’s when I started behaving the way I’ve been for 1,000 years.’ Dark made an odd noise at that realization. ‘Huh. Wonder if they’re connected? What you do think, Mallie?’ Do you really want me to answer that? ‘The question is...does the audience want you to?’ Point, they do love me more than you after all. Ryan scoffed. “Maybe love to hate you more, you mean.” ...Isn’t that the point? Anyway, I don’t know much about Discord or his way of thinking, Dark. I’ve got my chaos, he’s got his. We’re equals. Discord giggled at that. “Equals, he says. As much as I’d like to entertain that thought, there just isn’t enough time to dedicate to it. Well, if you ever want to return home in a reasonable amount time.” “True, we ain’t got time to keep wasting on this frivolous stuff, even if it probably will be important later on. So, Twilight, let’s get to the magic of science! Or the science of magic, whichever. Well, after the tour and seeing this little project that Ryan mentioned he and Mac were working on.” “Yes, yes, go have your little tour and all that fun. I have some matters to attend to, so if you’ll excuse me.” Discord quickly ran into a phone booth of all things—don’t ask where it came from—before emerging dressed in a caped outfit. Ryan and his herd immediately face-palmed, while Dark could only laugh in delight. ‘Yes! Away, Chaos Man! The city doesn’t need a hero like you, but it certainly deserves it!’ Twilight watched with the others as Discord...sorry, ‘Chaos Man’ took off before sighing. “So...how about our house?” “As you can see, each room is more or less tailored to everyone in the herd so that they have all they need to partake in their interest. Whether that be a lab for T-Sparks to science in, a soundproof music room for Lyra to have her jam sessions in, or even a fully-decked out sewing room that the most gifted of seamstresses could create all manner of beautiful outfits. Everyone has their tastes perfectly represented...we even worked some Cloudsdale architecture! That was tricky.” Ryan turned to DJ before smiling, “So...that’s about it for the most part. Ah’m just glad that the house is actually staying put this time...this is the second one we had built ta be honest. The first….had an accident.” DJ raised an eyebrow, but decided not to ask. “Well, it certainly holds itself well. I’m rather impressed by it, actually. If you want, I could see about making it so that it lasts longer than the first one.” Fluttershy nodded. “Oh yes. Seeing as our human does tend to attract all sorts of trouble, it would be just perfect if our home wasn’t say...turned into popcorn again or anything. Not! Not that I’m saying that happened or anything but….just in case something unexpected like that happened….yes…” “Turned into popcorn?” DJ mumbled to himself with confusion. “Wow, that...sounds delicious?” He shook his head. “Anyway, well I could place a few charms around here and I could permanently secure the foundation if you wanted. I might need a few minutes to recall how the charms needed to be drawn but the alchemy will only take a second or two.” “Yeah...delicious.” Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed. “Ooooh!” Twilight clapped her hooves. “If you did that I’d get to see more of that interesting magic you used. I’ve heard of alchemy in books, but I’ve never seen it in use.” “It’s not magic, Twilight. Alchemy is a science. It’s the science of constructing, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. It’s very powerful, as long as you don’t mess with its greatest taboo. Mind showing me the basement?” “Magic, science...guys, it’s all the viewpoint. As Ah once remember someone telling me, any sufficiently advanced society’s technology would look like magic to another less advanced one.” Ryan motioned for DJ to follow him down a hall towards a door, “The basement is this way. Ah don’t see any harm in securing it, since Ah don’t see us moving the house.” Rainbow Dash laughed, “Where would we move it anyway? It’s too big to go anywhere else in Ponyville other than out here in the farmlands.” As Ryan led the way down, DJ decided to answer Twilight’s questions on alchemy. “Basically alchemy runs by its most influential law: the law of equivalent exchange. To receive, one must give in accordance. Everything has a price.” “Equivalency, huh? I suppose that just as magic has it’s rules, so would alchemy. So...I’m guessing it’s greatest taboo has something to do with that, huh?” Twilight mulled things over before frowning. “I...I think I might have an idea just what kind of alchemy isn’t….right for lack of a better word.” “If you’re thinking of life, then you would be correct. Human transmutation, as it is known, is considered the greatest sin of alchemy, for what could equal the price of a soul? Those who have attempted it have always come out with less than what they started with and it always rebounds on them. It’s not pretty.” “FMA made that pretty clear, no matter which version of events you see. Ah trust yer not dumb enough to ever try that kind of alchemy, right Deej?” “I’m insane, not stupid.” DJ started looking around the basement, inspecting the walls and ceilings. “Okay, I might have just enough elements to fuse your house to the ground. It might take away a little bit of the wall to do so, but then your house will basically be here to stay.” “I don’t see that being a problem. We can always patch the wall back up later to replace what yer takin’. Now then...let’s see that lovely light show.” DJ clapped his hooves together and a ‘ding’ sounded out. He slammed them to the wall and electricity began to pour out. The bolts arced all over the room: along the walls, across the floor and through the ceiling. After a moment, DJ stepped back and let out a breath. “There. Your house is now one with the very ground it sits upon. The only way it’s coming out now is if you yank everything with it.” “Well tarnation, Ah dont’ reckon there’s anything or anypony that could do that. Well...save for them there dragons, but they’re usually pretty docile and don’t mess with other species unless they do something stupid.” AppleJack laughed at a thought, “Unless some inconceivably powerful being from Equestria’s past comes back in some strange series of events and just bowls the house over with an attack, Ah think it’s safe ta say our home is finally secure!” “Well, not quite. It might take some time to remember how to draw it properly, but when I do, I should be able to make this place chaos proof as well.” ‘That oughta be handy. Despite Cordy being more or less “good” again, it’d be nice to have a place safe to his kind of magic in case something bad happens. I don’t see it happening but...the world likes to throw curveballs at people when they least suspect them.’ DJ nodded in understanding. “Eeyup,” he said, nearly a perfect imitation of Big Macintosh. “...that was kinda creepy how ya nearly sounded like mah brother.” “Ah agree, Apps...that was weird.” He shrugged. “Believe it or not, that’s actually how I used to do that on Earth. Before I even found out about ponies. It just happens to sound like him. Speaking of which, can I see that project now?” “Sure! Mac said he was gonna tinker on it on and off while we were away so we might just bump into him.” Heading along towards the farmhouse—particularly a building to the side that seemed newer and more modern—Ryan and DJ went to open the door before hearing a small exploding sound followed by a very iconic… “...Nope.” Looking at each other, Ryan pushed the door open and saw Big Mac coughing slightly as smoke filled their vision. “Mac! What happened?” Macintosh only coughed in response so Ryan and Dark decided to do the usual schtick. ‘Working on the engine?’ “Eyup.” “Thought you had a breakthrough?” “Eyup.” ‘But it ended up not going to plan.’ “Nope.” “So then that explosion…?” “Engine malfunction…” ‘And any progress?’ “Puff of smoke.” “Well, that’s a bummer.” Ryan remarked as the smoke cleared to show the frame of a decently sized truck perched atop four tires. Though it was missing some parts still, it pretty much appeared more like a vehicle than it had the last time they’d had time to work on it. “Ah must say, Mac, you’ve been working on this a lot lately. Ah can’t believe how much it almost looks like a truck now.” “Eyup. But that motor…” ‘Still can’t get the conversion right, huh? Well, not to worry! We’ve brought help!’ Big Mac looked about before seeing DJ and tilting his head, “Who might you be, partner?” “Name’s DJ. I come from a parallel Equestria. Nice to meet ya, cousin.” Big Mac nodded his head before raising an eyebrow. “Huh?” “Oh, right!” Ryan laughed, “See...where he’s from, he’s kinda an Apple like Ah am. So, we’ve kinda deduced that in a weird cosmic way, we’re related. Like distant cousins.” “Ah see.” Big Mac looked DJ up and down before tossing him a wrench, “Ya good with engines?” “Unfortunately. My old man was an auto mechanic, so I know a thing or two. Plus I have a high understanding of mechanical creations.” “It’s not the knowledge I knock, Mac. It’s the source I got it from,” DJ said with a frown before beginning to look over the engine. “Let’s see what we’re working with here. Uh huh….uh huh…. oh that’s not good. I think I see the problem, but I’m going to need a few more tools to be able to even start on this.” “The source, eh? Hmm...kin trouble ain’t fun, Ah can tell ya that much.” Big Mac nodded before pulling out his toolbox, “Here’s mah collection. Hopefully what yer needin’ is in there. Otherwise, we might have to put in a request to mah uncle. If there’s one pony that can get us what we might need, it’d be him.” “I think these should be just fine,” DJ said picking up a wrench in his magic. He leaned in to the engine, but the two could still hear him perfectly. “And I don’t have kin problems, Mac. I dealt with them already. Those two who gave birth to me can rot in the deepest pits of hell for all I care. At least I never have to see them again and I can be with my real family, once I get back to my world that is.” They heard a ‘ding’ and a few sparks that spooked Big Mac a little, but didn’t phase Ryan. “That’s one crack fixed, but now I gotta get this line in the right spot. Ya got oil running into the coolant.” ‘From what Ry’s memories are tellin’ me, that ain’t good. No wonder we were getting those overheating issues.’ Big Mac watched but still frowned. “Well, Ah ain’t clear on what all is going on with what yer saying that ain’t engine related, but as long as you act like a man and follow through on yer decisions then ya ain’t got any reason to regret them. And Ah’m not sure what yer doin’ in there, but it’s making a lot of noises Ah’ve never heard a tool make.” “That was a little bit of my own ‘magic’. Can fix almost anything as long as I have the proper materials. Can ya hoof me a can of oil?” Ryan handed it to him instead. “Thanks.” They heard some more clinking and clanking from within. “Oh man, you guys really did a number on this thing. That shouldn’t be there,” he said while throwing out a few screws and nuts. “This should go here.” They heard a click and the sound of the wrench. “Ugh, now I gotta move this down here. Hoo, this was so much easier when I was working on the car with my daughters last summer.” “...yer daughter’s?” Big Mac seemed surprised. “And well, Ah’m not surprised things are a bit...messed up. Airship engines ain’t exactly designed to power something on the ground. We had to get...how did Ryan say it? Creative?” Ryan snickered, “Yeah. Creative...with a liberal dash of ‘Hey! Let’s do this and see what happens!’ to boot!” “Heh, sounds like how most of my inventions go. Some work, but most just end up in the Shed as unfinished. I’m popular in my Ponyville for constantly making a ruckus of explosions. Biggest one was still trying to replicate that damn police box. On the bright side, we did figure out one thing about that machine.” There were more clanging sounds, though neither could see DJ’s head, they could see his hoof switching out tools every now and then. “...police box?” “It’s best not to ask, Mac.” “Explosions, though...heh, sounds like you and bro here have a bit in common.” “You have no idea. Still… wait, Malice did I lock the Shed before we left for this world?” ...I think so. Why? Spike can handle himself in there quite well. “I’m more concerned about what Nyx and Scootaloo might get into. I still somewhat regret letting her keep the turbogizer.” Big Mac’s eyes widened a bit before smirking. “Maybe more in common then Ah thought, seein’ as you’ve got a voice knocking around yer noggin as well. Ah probably should be surprised, but after being around Ryan Ah’ve discovered just how grounded Ah can be.” ‘...not sure how to take that one, partner.’ “Ah agree, Dark. Sounds like one of DJ’s little complisult things…” Good lord, see what you’ve done?! Now they’re using your stupid made up words. “Hey, what works, works.” Fuck you, kid. Fuck you. Big Mac shifted his piece of straw before frowning, “He’s a bit more vulgar than Dark...language wise anyway. Action-wise...heh, that remains ta be seen. Anyway, how’s the engine lookin’? With all that noise you’ve been a makin’, it sounds like yer retooling the whole dang thing.” “Fairly close. You guys did quite well, considering you had no idea what you were doing, but it still needed some fine tuning. I should just need to adjust this last bit here and….ah, that should do her.” DJ pulled out of the engine, a few black smudges on his face, but none on his jacket. “Again, I love the enchantments on this jacket. Well, start her up, let’s see if I got it right.” “All yers, bro.” Ryan sighed and opened the door before staring at the key. “We meet again, old foe. Perhaps this time, Ah shall best you!” With that he sat down, crossed his fingers, and gave the key a turn. The engine made a noise once, then twice, before finally turning over and...actually running! “Oh yeah! Listen to that pur!” Ah, the marvels of human ingenuity. It’s like music to my chaotic ears. Do you hear it? It’s the sound of hundreds of ponies choking on pollution! HAHAHA!! “Malice, yer a dick.” “Well, not to burst yer bubble there, uhm, Malice is it? But seeing as this is converted from an airship engine, it runs on magic.” Big Mac continued his explanation while circling about the truck, “That “smoke” coming out of there is just harmless vapor given off when the magic...burns for lack of a better word. They usually run off of enchanted jewels, much like most of the wireless energy we have here. So no pollution. Sorry.” Damn. Aw well, there are other worlds. DJ just shook his head. “Well, it works, surprisingly. Shall we go for a test drive gentlemen? Go for a little cruise through town?” In other words, let’s show off our new ride, bitches! “Hmmm...she’s pretty much together.” ‘But has no seatbelts...’ “Can at the moment only be driven by a human, i.e. me….” “There ain’t much in the line of safety devices….” ‘And it’s untested in field conditions….let’s do this shit!’ “Huzzah! Let’s make Tim ‘The Toolman’ Taylor proud!” After tossing the doors open wide and clearing their exit route, Ryan grinned widely before flooring it. “MORE POWAH!!” DJ and Malice both grunted in agreement before holding on tight. Big Mac hunkered down and pulled his goggles on as they flew out across the barn. “Eeeeeeyuuuuuuuuuup!” Meanwhile, in Ponyville, all was as it normally would be on a weekday afternoon with a small amount of ponies milling about. Running errands, making plans, or just partaking in another glorious sunny day; to them there wasn’t any way this peace could be shattered. That is, unless five southern boys in a hastily made, modified, and one-of-a-kind Equestrian truck came plowing into town. Which they did. And thus there was panic everywhere! “What is that thing!?” “Look out!” “...Ryan, what are you doing?!” “That crazy ass human! He’s gonna kill us all!” Ryan honked the horn while waving his left arm out the window like a madman, “Look out guys! It’s not entirely responsive...and the brake isn’t quite working as well as Ah’d hoped!” “Eyup!” “And that’s why I brought the tools!” DJ said as he pulled out Mac’s toolbelt. Mac stared at DJ in surprise. “Yer not seriously gonna try and do repairs while we’re movin’, are ya?” “Who else but me would be crazy enough to try!?” DJ then shot down underneath the steering wheel, shouting, “Banzai!” Ryan and Mac could hear many clanging sounds coming from down there, but then they heard the one thing that they didn’t want to hear. “Uh oh. Wrong switch!” The acceleration suddenly increased, pushing the two into their seats and sending DJ flying out from underneath the engine and back to his seat. “My bad!” “God dammit, DJ! You had one job! ONE. JOB!” Ryan shouted as he swerved here and there to avoid running into any poor pone that was in the way...as well as not go crashing straight into any buildings. “Ya know, it’s at this time Ah’m thankful the streets of Ponyville are so damn wide. Ah always thought it was silly before...but thank heavens it’s that way.” “Eyup...look out!” “Huh?” Ryan gasped as they plowed right through a cart full of goods, “...oh God. That was Bon-Bon’s sweet cart, wasn’t it?” ‘Judging by the vulgarities being flung at us...probably. Bonnie is gonna have some choice words for you.’ “Oh no…” Ryan’s face paled. “And when Lyra hears about this...she’s gonna lay into me. We dun goofed! Any other bright ideas, Deej?” “Working on it!” he said, crawling back into the engine compartment. “Come on, come on… got it! Try the brakes now!” “Here goes nothin’!” Ryan slammed on the brakes and sighed as they slowed down before stopping...and then suddenly going in reverse. “How does that work?! This isn’t some Kart racer game! Dammit! Now it’s jammed! What even is this?” “Okay… um, I have no idea how this is working now. Aw buck it, I’m hitin’ the kill switch! Hold on to somethin’!” ‘...this is gonna be ugly, isn’t it?’ “Eyup.” Big Mac hunkered down and held his breath. Ryan did the same and could only wait to see what exactly this “kill switch” of DJ’s was...and hoped it didn’t get them killed in the process. Without warning, the engine shut down and the truck braked to an immediate stop. Ryan and Mac were jolted by it, but were pretty much unaffected. DJ on the other hand… went flying again. “YAHOOHOOHOOIEE!!” Admittedly, Ryan didn’t want to really make the awful pun brewing in his mind, but he knew he had no choice but to. “That guy...he’s pretty goofy, isn’t he?” ‘....so bad the author even knew you shouldn’t say it. Uhm...well we stopped...in the middle of the park. Which means….where did those two go?’ “Hmmm...judgin’ by their trajectory.” Big Mac followed the arc with his eyes and thought for a moment. “Ah reckon they’ve landed...somewhere in the middle of town. Possibly where the business district is.” “Which means causing trouble for even more pones we know that’ll totally want our hide...or our teeth...or any other part of us.” Ryan face-palmed and sighed before getting out of the truck. “Well...no use in waiting. Let’s go find that brat.” ‘Don’t forget to lock up!’ “...Ah highly doubt anypony is gonna try ta steal this thing but...just in case.” Ryan pushed a button and heard the truck beep once before beeping again into a very distorted beep. “Well...whatever.” “Eyup. Let’s go find DJ.” Meanwhile in Ponyville, DJ was just coming to. “Oh man, did somepony get the license of that truck?” he groaned while rubbing his head. “...my office. My lovely dentist office. What...what did it do to deserve this?” He looked over to see a familiar blue unicorn. “Hey there. Sorry for dropping in.” He laughed nervously as he looked around the office. “Yeesh, I need to work on my landings, this place looks awful.” “I...but...that is...who are you? Why did you do this? Where did you even come from with such velocity to destroy my office?” Colgate narrowed her eyes at the stranger. “Who are you anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around Ponyville before. Also...could you get off my patient? He’s in enough pain from having a root canal done as it is without you landing on him of all things.” DJ looked down to see he was sitting on top of another pony, his eyes going wide with shock. “Aack! Sorry!” he yelled while jumping off. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. In my defense, I was sent here against my will as it was not my choice to fired out of an engine that was going roughly 50 in a 5. Nice to meetcha, name’s DJ. I’m shacking it up with your local human until I can get home. Again, sorry about the office and landing on your patient.” The unicorn grumbled and moaned before looking at Colgate and grunting something before walking out the door...that promptly fell off of it’s hinges. Colgate could only stare forward in a dazed state as DJ rambled out his explanation. “50 in a…? Engine? What? Wait….wait….wait. You said human...and that’s only one person here. Oh yes...one of my favorite patients. So...this has to do with him does it?” “There’s no one else crazy enough! Well, besides me. And… why do I feel something ominous from you saying ‘favorite’ patient? Wait… yer not obsessed with omnivorous teeth are you?” Colgate’s response to that was to simply grin widely. “Oh, he’s my favorite because he’s my most interesting patient. What a struggle it was to get him in my office, but that chipped tooth of his was such a bother he had no choice. It was ever so fun getting to root around in his mouth...and that silly human that he is, he’s avoided a check-up since then. But now...now he has to come here to not only collect you...but to explain how he’s going to make up all this damage. Checkmate for Colgate!” DJ stared at her in shock, then put a hoof to his chin in thought. “Hmm...well the damages can be fixed fairly quickly with a certain ability of mine, buuut… you know what Colgate? I’m gonna help you out here.” “Help me out? Oh my...do I detect that you and our dear human friend have a bit of a...pranking rivalry going on? Not that it matters...but anything that gives me an edge on him is all the better.” “Well then, let’s get started on trapping you a human,” DJ said with a little evil laugh. As Ryan and Mac walked through Ponyville, Ryan had the urge to sneeze. “Achoo!” “Bless ya. Somepony must be talkin’ ‘bout ya.” “Good things, I hope. Now where did that little troublemaker get to?” ‘Uh… Ry? I think I see where he landed.’ Ryan paused to look in the direction Dark was motioning towards and suddenly grew quite pale at seeing the now crooked hourglass sign barely hanging on to it’s post. He gulped before laughing nervously, “Hahaha...ooooh shit.” “So he landed in Colgate’s Dentist office, eh? Ah don’t know the whole story, but didn’t somethin’ weird happen between you and her?” “Yeah...let’s just say being the closest she’ll get to work on a species with pointy teeth made for some curious moments.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair before sighing. “Guess we’ve got no choice. Come on...let’s get this over with.” As they walked in, they immediately felt something was off. Didn’t help that the door slammed shut behind them and locked. “Look at that,” came a voice from behind them. They turned and saw DJ, wearing a nurse’s cap and a lab coat while holding a clipboard. “Dr. Colgate! Your three o'clock is here!” ‘It’s a trap!!!’ “No shit, Admiral.” Ryan whirled about, looking for Colgate. “Ah know yer there. Ah can feel you.” Pull the string! So, DJ did, yanking on a comically large rope hanging from the ceiling. Ryan felt his feet get clamped together and then was hoisted upside down, hanging slightly above the ground. “One human, hold the onions!” “But Ah like onions!! This is an outrage!” Ryan wiggled about, “And why can’t Ah poof outta these things?! What did you do, DJ SPARKLE!?” “I told you, I know some interesting charms. Plus, Malice let me use a little chaos magic. The whole room is magic proof, unless yer wearing a special band. Colgate just so happens to be wearing one, isn’t that right Doctor?” Colgate walked in, a little blue band over her right foreleg with a symbol of a snowflake on it, grinning madly. “The patient is ready for examination. Oh and Mac? If you sit back on this one, drinks are on me afterwards.” Big Mac took a long hard look at the situation and stared at each individual in the room. “Mac, bro...don’t tell me yer actually thinking of taking up his offer?” Ryan squirmed even harder. “The way we’ve bonded since Ah’ve gotten here...doesn’t that mean more than free drinks?” Macintosh continued to think on it before a small smile made it’s way to his face. “Well, brother, Ah do know yer due for a check-up…” ‘Oh sweet Pony Jesus...we’ve lost Mac!’ Dark bemoaned the sight as he and Ryan watched Big Mac head over to a corner, sit down, and kick back for the show. ‘...All I know is, I hope we don’t sing about fluffy unicorns that happen to be a shade of pink again when this is all done.’ Ryan gulped as Colgate moved closer. “Colgate...stay back. Ah’m warning ya...there’ll be hell to pay if ya do this!” “Oh come on, Ryan. She’s only a dentist.” He smiled darkly as he turned away and began to walk into the back. “What’s the worst she can do?” And with that, he was gone, leaving Ryan to his fate. “I’ve waited so long for this!” Colgate squealed. “It’s like an early Hearth’s Warming present!” Ryan’s pupils shrunk as she tied her mask on and moved in closer still before she was right on him. He shivered as he felt her breath on his cheek, “...m-meep. DJ Sparkle...this isn’t over…” “Now… let me see those glorious teeth!!” Only one sound was heard after that statement: Ryan’s terrified scream. In the back room, DJ was laughing himself silly as he fixed up the office with alchemy. “Ooh boy, Ryan sounds like he’s having fun.” And you complain about me egging Dark on? “Well, you legitimately hate Dark, I’m just having fun with Ryan. It’s rare that I can actually have a worthy opponent.” The back door opened and DJ looked over in confusion as Pinkie Pie bounced in. “Hey Pinkie, what are you doing here?” “Well, Deejie-Weejie, my totally awesome ‘Someone’s Pranking’ sense was going off...and then I heard what sounded like my human in trouble so I came rushing right here to see what kind of fun I was missing out on!” “Oh! Well, what you missed was I made Colgate’s wish come true. I caught her a human! She’s going nuts in the other room while Mac catches up on the old magazines.” Pinkie giggled. “Oooh. It’s no secret that Colgate would take any opportunity she could to examine Ryan’s shiny chompers. I suppose that’s the scream explained...and the fun! I would ask why you’re in a nurse’s outfit, but that’s just silly! Why wouldn’t you be in one?! Oh! There was one other thing!!! What was it, what was it?!” “At least Colgate had an extra that didn’t require a skirt,” DJ mumbled. “Well, knowing you Pinkie it either has to do with parties or fun so it must be important.” “You in a skirt…” Pinkie’s mind started to drift. “Our human in a skirt...hmmm.” She shook her head. “No! That’s not important...at the moment anyway. And hey! I am not that two-dimensional! I’m actually here at Twilight’s request...she had heard from the other ponies in town that there was some crazy monster tearing around the streets causing havoc and mayhem! At first I was like “Oh maybe it’s Discord having fun, but then I remembered that this is the time he usually plays Pretty Princess Tea Time with Fluttershy which he doesn't know we know but we totally do and it’s okay because who wouldn’t want to be a pretty princess and drink tons of tea while eating plenty of cakes?!” So then we remembered you were around so maybe you were in town and had to deal with them and then we found something weird in the park and it kept beeping but it sounded sad and so I was sent to find Ryan or you...but both was best and that’s when I heard all the noise and...what was I talking about?” “No need to worry Pinkie, you already explained everything quite well. And that thing is the project Ryan and Mac have been working on. I got it running for them so we decided to take it for a test drive. Unfortunately something went wrong and I became the first pony to be shot out of a truck… at least on this world anyway. You probably activated an alarm or something on it to make it keep beeping. Since Ryan’s gonna be a while and I just finished up cleaning in here, I’ll come back with ya to shut up the hunk of junk.” “Gah! Grumple! Hoofs don’t go there!” Ryan shouted out before being silenced again. ‘...this is what a check-up entails these days? Man, I really have been out of the loop.’ Somepony shove a hoof in his mouth. Damn pervert. “At least he makes things interesting. Let’s get a move on Pinks, before Ryan gets free and decides that I’m next on her chopping block. I don’t trust him to keep me being a former human a secret for long.” “Well, that’s whatcha get for starting something with our human~” Pinkie giggled as she hopped out the door, “As the Princess says when she’s being all pranky-pants, you don’t put pony in a corner. That’s when all the fun ideas start blossoming and you’ve automatically lost.” She narrowed her eyes, “And then there’s me...remember, DJ: I said I forgave you, but I never forget. Anyway! Let’s go! Hop-hop-hop!” DJ watched her bounce off a little before his whole body shuddered. “No matter what world you are in, don’t mess with Pinkamena Diane Pie. It will never work out right. Hey Pinkie, wait up!” He raced after her and the two arrived at the park a few minutes later. DJ couldn’t hear anything though, making it seem strange. “I thought you said it was beeping?” “...it was.” Twilight sighed at seeing the two of them, “That was till AJ decided she’d had enough of this thing mocking her and she bucked it like a tree.” “Well how was Ah to know it wasn’t alive? It kept beeping and being all ornery...like it was mouthing off to us.” AppleJack huffed, “It ain’t mah fault Ah didn’t know it wasn’t alive.” DJ sighed and shook his head. “It’s a truck, AJ, not R2-D2. It’s your human and brother’s little project. And I just got the thing running.” DJ sighed and began to look things over. “It’s gonna take some time before this thing is running again. I think you may have ruptured the magical influx in this thing. Be glad it didn’t explode on you.” “...aw, buck. This was Apple Ryder’s secret little project? Man...he’s gonna be so angry with me now that Ah messed it up.” AppleJack’s eyes widened. “Mah snuggle privileges!!” Rainbow Dash snickered, “Too bad, AJ. Looks like I’ll be taking some extra time with my snuggles now. Oh, and he just figured out this one thing with your ear that….oh, it makes me sigh just thinking about it.” Twilight rolled her eyes, “Keep it in the pants you don’t wear, Dash. I doubt DJ wants to hear about our loving moments with our human.” “As long as I ain’t hearing it from you, Twilight, I think I’m good. Besides, I highly doubt Ryan will be mad at you AJ. He’s gonna be too busy being mad at me for leaving him at Colgate’s mercy.” There was the sound of a record scratch before Ryan’s herd turned to face DJ all at once. “You did what now?!” “Oh come on, how bad could it be? I mean when I first met Colgate, she shoved her entire head in my mouth. I’m sure Ryan’s fine, she’s a reasonable mare, not like she’s gonna rip out his teeth or anything. He just needs to man up and face her down like a proud warrior. Or at least without whimpering like a baby. Besides, Mac’s there watching him so it shouldn’t get too out of control.” “Well, Ah guess as long as he’s got his magic and stuff she won’t do anything too bad.” AppleJack looked at DJ before blinking. “...he can’t use it, can he?” “Uh, that would be a no. Not for the next…” he stopped to think on it, “fifteen minutes, I think is left on the charm before it fades? Around that.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “So he can’t? As long as Colgate doesn’t know, he can just bluff his way outta it….oh pony feathers, she knows that’s as well. Right, DJ?” “Well… I did kinda help her catch him after all.” “....” Twilight had no idea how to respond to that. “U-uhm...if those are both true...and the spell is going to run out soon, what happens then?” Fluttershy dared to ask. “Miss Colgate is a bit crazy about teeth...and to have total control over that kind of situation with Ryan. Oh dear, oh my...what if she steals all his teeth? Then he’ll have to eat mush for the rest of his life! Why would you do that to him, DJ? Why?!” “Uh… because? I highly doubt Colgate will do that. She’d be much more willing to leave them in to take them out. Teeth can change over time afterall, so I doubt she’d risk the chance to observe human teeth over time. You’re worrying over nothing. I’m sure he’s perfectly fine.” Twilight sighed, “DJ does have a point...she’s crazy about teeth...but Lyra is nuts about hands and she didn’t cut Ryan’s off or something to try and grow a hand tree.” Lyra giggled. “That’s silly...hands don’t grow like that. If they did, Ah’d have grown a pair of my own long before Ryan showed up. Besides...those work a lot better when he’s got them.” She stuck her tongue out and grinned, “Oh yeah...all the right spots. But wait...you said fifteen minutes...was that fifteen from when you got here or fifteen when you were heading here?” “Heading here… oh horseapples.” There was a sudden explosion of magic from town before a figure was seen flying off into the air. “Totally worth iiiiiiiiiiiit!” Colgate shouted as she went flying into the lake. Hovering above the town was one figure that was unmistakably Ryan...and he looked rather cross about the whole ordeal. “DJ SPARKLE! Ah’ve been touched in places Ah didn’t know ya could be. Mah teeth are almost too shiny now...and for that, you must pay!!” Ryan roared as his aura flared. “Come, Dark! We’ve vengeance to extract!” DJ watched with a twitching eye. “Well, this is why you always prepare!” He put a hoof behind his back and then pulled out a familiar black spot. “Is that my portable hole?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Yep! That’s what I thought it was. I figured it would come in handy. And I left a note that I was borrowing it, so it doesn’t count as stealing.” He threw the hole at the ground and then jumped in. “Catch ya on the flipside girls! Flipside of the planet that is!” “Hey! Nobody can enter my hole but Rysy-Wysy! Get back here!” Ryan had watched this and smirked. “Hahaha...Looney Tunes won’t save you now. Partner...ya got a lock on him?” ‘Oh yeah...he’s gonna be popping up in Chineigh any moment now.’ “Perfect.” DJ Sparkle did indeed do as he said he would, using the hole to his advantage and appearing on the other side of the planet...startling a few innocent Chineighs ponies at that with his sudden appearance. Breathing a sigh of relief, he cantered over and sat a table where someone was already waiting. “My apologies, good sir. I know this table is taken, but I’m in desperate need of a breather.” The figure nodded before continuing to eat his food. “Ya wanna know something, DJ?” “Yes, Ryan?” DJ said as he mentally prepared for what was coming. “Even here, Chineighs food leaves you hungry for more an hour later. Seriously, what kept you? Ah even had time to get this outfit and everything. Was there traffic in the hole?” “Yes, actually. I had to shove Pinkie Pie off in New Zeighland. I think she deserves a vacation. So before you try and destroy me for leaving you with a crazed dentist, may I say one last thing?” “Hmm...guess we’ll have to pick Pinks up on the way back then.” Ryan regarded DJ for a moment before smirking. “Though Ah might regret such, what is on yer mind?” DJ leaned up and kissed Ryan hard on the nose, making the human reel back. “Ain’t I a stinker? Woo hoo! Woo hoo!” DJ bounced off, a gleeful smile on his face. ‘What a wascally wabbit he is for an alicorn.’ “Indeed.” Ryan threw off his disguise before grinning and giving chase. “Let’s just hope this doesn’t turn into the Equestria version of ‘Around the World in 80 Days’. Ah’m not sure the audience could tolerate that one. Now then...get back here you!” “See ya back in Ponyville! I’m bouncing around the world!” Check ya later shade-dork! Maybe we’ll pick ya up some souvenirs! ‘Awwwww. I knew ya liked me, Mallie-kun~’ “...it might not be wise to let them hop about...but knowing him he’ll just break time and space like Pinks and be back before we know it. Probably by the next paragraph break. Speaking of...best go collect our pink pone.” Ryan leaped towards the portable hole and dove in, “Geronimo!!!” “Conga!!” Pinkie shouted as they played the classic jingle. This was the scene that Ryan and Dark showed up to. Only five minutes and Pinkie already had the entire area in a massive party. “Do do do! Do do do do! Hey Rysy-Wysy! Wanna join?” “Ooooooooh….sure, why not? We’ve got the time to. But only one complete rotation, okay?” Ryan followed behind her, rocking the line with the other ponies. “After all, do as the locals do when visiting, right? Do-do-do-do-hey!” “Hey Ry!” DJ said as he drove by the island on a jet ski, causing the line to stop and stare. “Bye Ry! Bye Pinkie!” He was out of sight within the minute. ‘Like clockwork! Do-do-do-do-hey!’ “You could set a watch to him!” Ryan chuckled before looking back at Pinkie, “Hey Pinks! That was our sign to make tracks. Ready to go hole diving again?” “Yeppers! Bye everypony! I’ll be sure to come back and visit again real soon!” “Bye Pinkie Pie!” They all waved in unison as the two dove into the hole. When they came out again, they found a very somber sight. Twilight and the others were crying, all while standing in front of a gravestone. “Uh...gals? What in tarnation is goin’ on here?” Twilight turned to him, tears in her eyes. “Ryan? What took you so long? He waited for you. Waited so, so long. But now it’s too late, he’s already gone.” Ryan’s eyebrows raised quite high in confusion. “Who?” “See for yourself,” she pointed at the stone. Ryan got down on one knee and read the stone aloud. “‘Here lies DJ Sparkle, loving husband and father. What took you so damn long?’” “...this is stupid. He’s an alicorn. He wouldn’t die of old age, because if that much time truly passed...sad as it is to say, Ah highly doubt some of y’all would be here. So if he’s hiding under the ground, waiting to pop up and go all ‘Thriller’ on me...he’d better get his ass up here and dance before Ah lose the mood!” “Oh well, we tried Darling, but he wouldn’t go for it!” Rarity called out. From out of the ground, a grey ghost flew up and appeared. “I told you he wouldn’t go for this Twilight. But noooo, you just had to see if he would fall for the ‘faked death’ gag.” Twilight hmmphed. “Well it would have worked if you weren’t an alicorn.” “How is that my fault?” There was a green flash and DJ was back to normal. “Wassup buddy?” “Oh, the usual: breaking reality, being awesome like Prussia, derailing mah bookworm’s attempts at pranking. Haha.” “Do I need to keep running?” DJ said pointing his hoof away from Ryan. “No, no...no.” Ryan shook his head. “It’s easier to just leave ya guessin’ when the next strike will happen. So yer okay...fer now.” “You do realize that will have no effect on me right? I’m constantly paranoid, it’s how I’m still alive after all these years. Plus, my favorite defense in those situations is a random frying pan to the face, just to warn ya. And was also kinda hoping for a chase,” DJ pouted as he pawed at the ground. “God, what is it with you pones? Even the dude ones got the eye look down.” Ryan gripped his chest. “Right at mah heartstrings...oh fine. If ya want me to go all crazy and chase you around Ponyville, Ah suppose that does sound like fun. In fact…” ‘Oh, I like this idea.’ Dark cackled. ‘Yes...let’s all chase DJ. The more the merrier...right?’ DJ’s eyes bugged. “Wuh oh! I may have gotten in over my head. Oh well, I finally get to have them play my favorite. Boys! Do the thing!” Immediately, a classic chase tune began to play as DJ zipped off, Ryan and the girls not too far behind. As the song continued, the group followed behind and hounded him no matter where he went: popping out of shop stands, from inside potted plants, even leaping out of one poor pony’s saddlebags somehow. DJ led them all around town and then some as the mysterious tune continued on much to the human and ponies’ enjoyment. Like all good things, though, it had to come to an end as DJ collapsed, groaning loudly. “Too hungry to keep going~! Need food.” The others circled around him before shaking their head and smiling. “DJ will be DJ.” With that Ryan tossed him over his shoulder and they headed back to their home to go rustle up some grub not only for DJ, but for themselves as well. ...that was, until they heard an angry. “RYAN!!” “Huh?” Lyra turned around, “...isn’t that Bon-Bon’s voice?” Dark snickered. ‘Which one?’ “STOP MOVING THIS INSTANT!” Lyra turned to Ryan with a questioning look on her face. “Rys, what happened? Why is she yelling for you...and why is she angry?” Ryan gulped before laughing nervously. “Well...ya see...when DJ and Ah and Mac were going around town in our out-of-control truck...we...kinda, sorta, may have plowed right into her cart she uses to sell her sweets at the market.” “Think she has any leftover treats?” moaned DJ from Ryan’s shoulder, not really bothering to care what was happening anymore due to hunger. “Dammit, DJ. This isn’t the time!” Ryan gasped before he felt a chill go down his spine. “Oh...Lyra’s givin’ me that look.” “Ryan….” Lyra’s face seemed clouded over by her emotions after hearing what he’d apparently done to poor Bonnie. “Tell me...when were you planning on letting me know about this?” “Uhm...eventually?” “Don’t be too hard on him, Lyra. It was my fault,” DJ said groggily, still suffering from a lack of food. “I was trying to fix the brakes and ended up increasing the accelerator instead. Ryan was only driving, it was because of me we crashed through her cart.” Malice sighed, though Dark swore he saw the twinges of a smile on his face. If the kid’s one thing, it’s honorable. No one ever takes the fall for something that was his fault. Lyra’s features softened some. “Really? Well I better tell Bonnie before—” “Ryan!” Bon-Bon growled before leaping and tackling him to the ground. “Oh dear God! Not again!” Ryan whimpered, “B-Squared, stop!” “Bonnie! Stop! It’s not his fault!” “What?! Lyra! He was in control of whatever that thing was that crashed my cart.” “He might have been...driving?” Ryan nodded quickly. “Driving it, but DJ was the one that screwed up and made it go out-of-control.” “DJ?” Bon-Bon looked and saw that, when she had tackled Ryan, she’d sent him crashing on top of what appeared to be a blue alicorn that was currently groaning about how ‘Blue Alicorn Needs Food Badly’. “...Look! I don’t care who did what, I’m out a cart! Those things aren’t cheap, ya know? They don’t just grow on trees!” ‘Technically, Bonnie, they do since they’re made of wood.’ “Quiet, Dark!” ‘Meep! Man, Bonnie is like super pissed this time.’ “If it’s money she wants, Cinco!” “Oy!” Bonnie shrieked when a miniature Discord appeared out of DJ’s pocket, wearing a beard and a black hat. “Didn’t I tell you to take that off? It’s highly racist.” “Still funny,” the Discord shrugged. “What did ya need boss?” DJ rolled his eyes. “How much cash I got on me?” Cinco pulled out an abacus and started running calculations. “Hmm… in total, boss, ya got about 9,658 bits on you. We have another ten thousand stashed away as backup just in case.” “Thank you Cinco, you can go back to what you were doing. But get rid of that outfit!” “I don’t wanna!” Cinco withdrew back into DJ’s pocket before DJ could reprimand him. The alicorn sighed and then looked back to Bon-Bon. “So, how much do you need to replace your cart?” Bon-Bon’s mouth flopped open and closed a few times as she tried to process everything she just witnessed before her brain finally caught up. Shaking her head she frowned, “If I’m to recoup the cart and all the goods that were ruined when you smashed into it, it’d be about...600 bits. 500 for the cart and 100 for the goods.” “That’s reasonable.” DJ magicked up the bits in a bag and passed it to Bon-Bon. “Trust me, I know business and that’s just how things work.” Bon-Bon nodded, placing the sack of bits into her saddlebag. “I’m glad you understand then. Ryan? Sorry for tackling you like that.” Ryan waved a hand from his position on the ground. “S’okay. It happens. You know me and the ground have a special relationship.” “Yes...anyway, next time you guys come by my shop, I’ve got a new candy to let you try. I’ll see you later, everypony.” With that Bon-Bon headed back towards town, leaving Ryan to slowly get up and grumble. “These ponies...they’re something else.” “Keeps things interesting though.” Ryan looked over to see that DJ was still sprawled out on the ground and he deadpanned. “Can ya seriously not move when yer hungry?” “Nnope. Hunger is the bane of my existence. So… can we eat? I promise not to go raid yer fridge this time.” Snickering, Ryan once again hefted DJ up on to his shoulder. “Thank God you ponies are so dang light, otherwise we’d just leave yer butt here. Then again, that means we’d have to bring you food...so Ah suppose it’s all fer the best.” “Ah reckon Pinkie and Ah can cook up something tasty for all of us.” “AJ’s right! Wooo! Time to make something delicious and tasty and super-duperriffic energizing for everypony!” “Yay. Food,” DJ said with as much enthusiasm as he could produce… which wasn’t very much in his food deprived state. After returning to their home, AppleJack and Pinkie got to cooking and whipped up a double-whammy of deliciousness: the Equestria famous Apple Stew and Pinkie’s own insanely sweet take on an Icebox Cake. DJ anxiously stared as they brought the food into the dining room and sat it down on the table. “Soup’s on everypony! Let’s dig in!” Bad wording on your part sister. Just as AJ was about to ask what Malice meant, DJ literally dug into the food, sending scraps and making loud munching noises as he devoured the feast. The group all blinked at the way DJ was acting, particularly how he was eating stew that way, until he was finally finished...and had eaten everything. ‘...damn, Mallie. Whose stomach does DJ have? Luffy’s? Goku’s? Or does  he have like four stomachs and each one fills the other in some domino effect?’ Allow me to explain it with one word: Zoinks! “Scooby-Dooby Doo!” DJ howled before falling onto his back. It’s a side effect of him learning Pinkie Physics. I kinda approve of this one, though. Ryan merely face-palmed before heaving a sigh. “...jinkies.” Lyra frowned before looking at the others. “I’m so lost…was that supposed to mean anything?” “It’s probably just something about their world. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof about before huffing, “What you should worry about is DJ just ate the lunch meant for all of us! We’re hungry too, ya know!” DJ, however, didn’t respond. Well, looks like you’re stuck talking to me. The kid’s in a food induced coma. He’ll be fine in about two hours or so, when he’s hungry again. “Perfect...we get to spend time with the guy that threatened to kill all of us. Pardon me if Ah’m not too thrilled.” “Now Apps, Malice...well, Ah won’t lie. That was kinda a dick move, but considering who he is it’s be to expected. Ah suppose at the least we can take the time to try and get to know our other guest...it’s only fair, after all.” ‘Oh! I like that idea! Let’s hear all about you Mallie-kun! Wait!’ There was the sound of what seemed a chair scraping across the ground before a whoomph as Dark sat down. ‘Okay! Got my notebook and stuff, let’s hear what ya got to say, Mallie ol’ pal!’ Malice was silent for a moment. ...You actually want to know about me? ‘Well, duh. I mean, I do want to be your friend...that much is obvious given all the antics I’ve done, right?’ Dark laughed softly. ‘So what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t want to get to know more about you?’ Wow, no one has ever cared enough to actually bother hearing from me. The kid is the only one who could hear me and would even give me the time of day. Everyone else just knows me as the demon within. Even Twilight just sees me as a nuisance. Dark frowned. ‘Well, that’s not entirely fair. I mean, yeah, you are a bit extreme in some regards, but to not even want to talk with you to find out why yer like that or what your thoughts are? Seems like that Twily kinda dropped the friendship ball there.’ Well, to be fair our first meeting kinda went south pretty fast when I told her I was the one who destroyed DJ’s life on Earth. Ryan’s face scrunched up at that. “Ya know, come to think of it, Ah do recall y’all saying something like that earlier. Ah didn’t ask at the time because of other things, but what is that supposed ta mean?” I am a lot older than I appear. Discord may have given me sentience only a few years back, but I have existed for far longer. I came into being when the kid was younger, a lot younger, when he realized the truth about his world. He saw the violence, the anger, the hatred, and the greed, but he wanted no part of it. He shoved away those feelings that the world was pressing into him and it created what would eventually become me. This, however, was ineffective as my influence still existed. It drove a wedge between him and every other being on the planet, including his family. “Hmm...so if Ah follow what yer saying, he was basically unable to keep the more darker aspects of the world from infiltrating his thoughts. And because of that, he probably had a more negative outlook on a lot of things…” Ryan nodded a bit. “Hmmm, Ah can understand that...Ah certainly had mah moments in life back on Earth where humanity just kinda...got on mah nerves far more than they should’ve. Things aren’t peachy back there, Ah’ll agree to that much. Still, it sounds as if DJ wasn’t able to see the good as well as the bad...or at least have enough good influence to help him see it over the bad. Pity...Ah wonder if he’d be just as hungry for the darkness if that had happened?” Well, that actually has something to do with our lifestyle. You saw how much he was pushing for you to accept the power darkness has, but that was because that we have accepted that power and are better off because of it. Ya see, and this goes for everyone here, for one to truly accept life, they need to accept everything it holds. Light and darkness, good and evil, it’s all the same really, just different perspectives. Light and Darkness together create harmony as well as chaos, which are needed to keep everything in balance. There can be no darkness without light, and no light without darkness. It’s how things are meant to be. “Well yes, darling, most everypony knows that much. The light and the dark are just two sides of the same coin.” “Rares is right. Even with all the things Ah saw on mah Earth, Ah wasn't so naive as to think that you can only have light or only have darkness. You can’t get rid of one because the other needs it.” Ryan chuckled softly. “Again, KH kinda drives that home a bit, especially in the prequel. But Ah guess that is the difference between DJ and me, then: while he pushed aside the darkness when he first saw it all, Ah realized it was there and wasn’t going anywhere. So Ah just let it be instead of trying to pretend it didn’t exist. Ah imagine that bit is why we have such varying attitudes when it comes to embracing it.” So what you are saying is that you are Sora while the kid is Riku? I can see it. Riku was the cooler one, after all. Anyway, if you’re really interested, go ahead and ask me anything. I don’t give a damn what the topic is. You know what? The question doesn’t even have to be about me, this time. Go ahead and ask away, shade-dork and others. “Ah suppose that’s true to some degree. Heh, Sora had the awesome fusions though so...Ah guess that works. Ah can roll with that.” ‘An open forum you say? Oh, Mallie, that’s making my day! Now then...let’s see. Let’s start with something simple all friends should know about their friends: Their likes! Favorite food, favorite drink—probably booze of some kind knowing you Mallie-kun—but most importantly, something I wish to know. And that is...do you really like Luna?’ Favorite food would be… all food. Thanks to Pinkie, anything and everything is available to be eaten now! And yes, booze is my favorite drink, specifically my hoof-crafted shine. To the last thing… I plead the Fifth. Dark chuckled. ‘All food...figures. Haha. I reckon that Spectrum’s on that list somewhere now. And Mallie? You can’t plead that here. It’s not a thing in Equestria.’ “Props for trying, Dark, but Ah doubt Malice would go talking about his love interests.” ‘Can’t blame a guy for trying...now then. What else should I ask since we have the time?’ Dark tapped his notepad before pausing. ‘...is there anything you regret and wanna get off your chest? That’s what friends are for, and I’m all ears if ya do, Mallie.’ Malice was silent for a few moments. … I regret not trying to stop DJ from committing seppuku. I should have tried harder to reach him, but I didn’t and he had to suffer for it. Dark was a little stunned that Malice not only did have something he regretted, but that it was something like that. Saying nothing, he simply walked over and hugged him for a moment before finally speaking up. ‘Well, I didn’t expect you to say something that heavy, that’s for sure. But, at least that does show I was right about one thing. That deep down under all that world-weary anger and, well, malice you’ve still got a heart that’s capable of the better aspects of humanity. After all, you wouldn’t regret it if you didn’t actually care for DJ.’ Don’t get ahead of yourself, shade-boy. Just because I care about the kid’s well-being, doesn’t change the fact that I want to kill him. Besides, no one, especially the kid, should have gone through what Death did to him. No one should be forced to watch what their mistake does to their loved ones. ‘Right, right. Tough guy Malice. I getcha. Hahaha. But...yeah. I will agree with you on that one. That’s not something I’d wish on anyone.’ Heh, you think I kid about that, but I have my reasons for wanting to kill DJ. Anyway, you can’t be the only one with questions for me. If the kid’s wife is anything to go by, Twilight must be eager to learn about a, what did you call it? A Being of Chaos? “Well, technically that is what the Princess called you but...yes. I was wondering about that since she was kind of vague about the whole ordeal.” Twilight nodded. “So, Malice, what exactly does that mean you are? You said you were DJ’s repressed feelings about his world’s negative qualities...but some of what you said makes you sound more than that. What exactly are you?” Just like I told Dark and Ryan, I am DJ. Or I used to be him. As you all know, discording transforms you into your direct opposite. When the kid was discorded, it did the same thing except it went further than expected, actually giving me life. Because of that, what I am is entirely darkness, anger, greed, and chaos; mostly chaos. Darkness gave me form, anger gave me power, greed gave me ambition, and chaos gave me life. That is why I am more proficient in chaos magic compared to the kid. If you want proof of that, well, Ryan still hasn’t noticed his chair is made of green Jell-O. Heh heh. Ryan blinked before frowning. “Ah thought mah chair was a might wet...and not as high as it had been. But green Jell-O? No one likes green. Damn, Malice, Ah knew you were mean but even that’s going a bit too far.” “Our human’s humor aside—” “Hey!” “—what exactly makes you different from say, Discord? You’re both beings of chaos from what I gather, but I suspect there’s some kind of difference between the two of you.” A major one. Unlike that patchwork nutjob, I am actually completely sane. ‘I don’t know, Mallie. Cordy acts crazy, but sometimes he does things that make me wonder if it is just an act. Heh, then again, I suppose I should be glad he’s got like nearly zero attention span, lest he do something truly chaotic.’ Huh, I’ve never seen Discord like that before. Then again, I’m probably a little biased after seeing Discord sing ‘You ain’t never had a friend like me’. That was some messed up shit that happened there. Back on topic, though. My brand of chaos, well, it’s not exactly ‘family friendly’, if ya get my drift. “Ah think we do after seeing what ya tried to do to Discord and Dark’s gal.” AppleJack grumbled slightly. “Yer pretty keen on spilling blood if’n the mood strikes ya, that much is obvious.” Doesn’t everyone? Ha! Nah, just kidding. I do what’s needed to get the job done and I have the most fun doing so. Besides, I don’t remember ever threatening any of you, so I don’t see what you’re so miffed about. “I imagine AppleJack is just upset that you did something to our friends. Even if you didn’t threaten us particularly, you still did something to people we care about.” Twilight sighed. “I know you did it to piss off Dark so he’d “give you what you wanted” but it is a bit hard to get over the fact you probably would’ve killed them if he hadn’t snapped like that.” Wait… you really think I would have killed them? No, no, no, no! I had no reason to kill them! I’m not a monster, ya dumb pack mule! Ryan growled softly. “Watch who yer calling names, Malice. And frankly, how were we to know you wouldn’t? You just bust out, break the charms, get all pissy that Dark ain’t taking you “seriously”, and then start force-choking two of the people he cares about the most. All yer comments before ya took control didn’t exactly paint a great picture, so it’s not exactly a surprise some of us would think you’d go that far.” That was the whole point! To convince the old man to take me seriously because he was the first being to ever truly treat me like a friend since DJ!! ‘Ah ha! So you do consider me a friend! I knew it!’ Dark chuckled giddily. ‘So basically you did all that because I wanted to be your friend? Heh, I’m kinda touched it meant that much to you. But see? I knew you got friendship...at least you sorta do anyway!’ Malice went silent for another moment. Dark… I don’t see you as a friend. I don’t even see the kid as a friend. I don’t have friends, I can’t have friends. That’s how things are gonna stay. ‘Hmmm...I wonder. Can’t...or won’t?’ Dark shrugged before smiling. ‘Either way, I won’t stop trying till you call me friend, Mallie!’ Malice mumbled something, but Dark would swear forever afterwards that it was ‘thank you’. Well… fine. Just don’t go overboard, can only take so much of you. But still, it feels like only Dark wants to get to know me, here. There has to be at least one more creature here who wants to know about my magnificence! The group there merely rolled their eyes before smirking. “Darling, I hate to say it, but you and dear Dark are more alike than you may think.” Rarity giggled. “Perhaps that’s why you just seem to work so well together. But, you do have a point. I would dare wager we all are a bit curious about you given what the Princess told us. Whatever you may answer, we must obviously keep it from DJ but...do you really think you are one of these beings she and Discord told us about?” Honestly? I haven’t got a clue. We don’t have this legend back home, or if we did, Cellie ain’t talking. But, it would definitely put a few things into perspective if we were. Makes a lot of sense when you think about it. “Uhm, what exactly do you mean by that?” Lyra titled her head in slight confusion. “What exactly does this legend make sense of?” Well, it would, for one, mean that DJ was destined to come to Equestria in the first place. Two, it would confirm how DJ has been able to rage shift since long before he learned magic. And three, it helps define why he has such a massive magic reserve. Twilight’s eyes lit up at bits of that. “He could Rage Shift before learning magic? How is that even possible? I’ve never heard of anything like that ever happening in a non-magic user before!” “Destined to come to Equestria, though...that one bothers me a bit because while Ah admit destiny does play a hand in things, Ah don’t like to think that our choices aren’t out of our control.” Ryan crossed his arms and thought for a bit. “But that last bit...it certainly isn’t something Ah can argue after Dark and Ah tangoed with you two. It certainly gave us a run for our money.” It’s something to think on, that’s for sure. And, I have no idea how the kid has been able to rage shift for all these years. It was long before I came into the picture, I can guaran-damn-tee ya that. Hell, the first time he rage shifted in Equestria was still a couple weeks before I was created. That was the time he had to stop a bunch of thugs from murdering Twilight and Nyx in a back alley. They got off lucky, if ya ask me. ‘Sounds as if you’ve had yer share of dealing with stupid prejudice, Mallie. It’s kinda funny, though...something that you mentioned and Ryan didn’t really think about.’ And that would be? ‘Heh, simply that if everything was true and DJ was destined to come to Equestria, then he and Ryan share that in common. I mean, after all, Ryan’s ancestors were from Equestria before Cordy sort of just whisked all the humans away to his Earth when he lost his shit way back when.’ Huh, well ain’t that somethin’? So Discord banished humans from this world? What made him do that? Ryan grimaced at that one before finally speaking up. “...it was because of what happened to somepony he loved.” Discord can love? I mean, where we come from he obviously cares for Flutters, but we’ve never seen anything beyond friendship from him for anyone. ‘Yes, he can.’ Dark took a deep breath and sighed. ‘The memories from back then have been quite muddy lately, but ever since that trip to Tartarus it’s been clearing up. Long ago, when we all knew each other and we’re close friends, there was an Earth pony that lived in Canterlot. She was a brilliant inventor and for some reason, something just clicked between the two of them. I actually remember him telling me he was gonna pop the question...ya know, before things went south very fast.’ Oh. Yeah, I don’t need to hear anymore than that. Even I have limits when it comes to pain and suffering. ‘Nice to know, Mallie.’ “Eeeyup. But yeah. That’s what drove him crazy, had him go on his rampage that Ah no doubt know he must have done similarly in your Equestria, and then in a fit of rage mixed with what was left of his real self, got rid of humanity from here as well as...well...kill Dark.” ...Dark was killed… by Discord. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard in my entire life! HA! Ya got squashed by a grab bag of creatures! HA! ‘Well, more like mah body was ripped away from my soul leaving me in a terrible flux for who knows how long in all honesty. But Mallie...it’s become quite clear to me that our Discord is very different from yours. So laugh if you must, my friend, but it was no easy task...especially when having to fight a friend.’ Alright, I get it, he’s not the happy go lucky dude he is where we come from. Though, now that I think of it, hmm. Malice lowered his voice in an attempt not to be heard, but the girls and Ryan were still close enough to hear him talk to himself. Does it have any correlation to the mirror? Could that be another divergence here? Hmm, should we tell them about it? It could be a way home for Ryan… I need to speak with the kid on this when he wakes up. ‘...Mallie, they do say talking to oneself is a sign of insanity.’ Dark put an arm around him and smirked before lowering his voice so only he and Malice could hear it. ‘However...if you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about. Well...let’s just say that’s not the droid you’re looking for. So I wouldn’t say anything, Ryan doesn’t need to be hurt by more false hope.’ It’s not gonna prevent what’s coming, Dark. He’ll be finding out soon enough. ‘Perhaps so...but let him enjoy a bit of ignorance for now. He handles stuff like that better when he hasn’t the time to dwell on the possibilities and over think things.’ Ryan rolled his eyes at the odd silence after Malice’s mumbling. “...what in tarnation are you two doing up there? Keeping secrets from us?” Important soul-to-soul talk. Nothing you need to worry about, hayseed. Just keep being ignorant, it’s safer for the timeline. Ryan turned to his herd at that, eyebrow raised in confusion. Twilight shrugged in response before shaking her head. “Malice is probably right on this one. After all, what things have slipped have probably already altered our future to some degree. Best we not tempt fate and make a mess of things more than they might be.” “If you say so, T-Sparks.” “If we’re done being all vague and stuff, I actually have a question since I’m kinda curious: Malice? What do you look like normally? Do you look like a greyed out DJ? Are you still human in whatever state you and Dark have is called? Or are you a pony?” Lyra gave a shrug. “I’m kinda curious because the fact that DJ was human and then became pony is something unheard of here...even in the books from the past, there’s not really mention of anything like that happening.” Unfortunately, no I’m not a human up here in the mental scape. My form reflects the kid’s. When he’s a pony, I’m a pony. When he’s a human, I’m a human. Get’s really weird when he uses the other aliens, though. Malice shuddered. Anyway, basically yes, my coat is grey and my, ugh, cutie mark is the kid’s but with reverse coloration. I’ve got slick black hair and my jacket is also a deep black. Another thing is that I don’t have eye color as I am in a constant rage shift. And to be fair, we didn’t get a choice of form when Death reincarnated us, could’ve ended up as a parasprite for all we knew. ‘...ya know, Mallie. Thinking on it, you and I do look very similar in some aspects. In fact, if I went pone form we’d nearly be brothers save for, ya know, you being an alicorn and all that.’ Lyra hummed a bit, doodling on a notebook. “Let’s see here...like DJ...grey coat...reverse mark...jacket...rage shift….Ah-ha!” “...Heartsy, what are ya doin’?” “Drawing our other new friend!” Lyra flipped the book around to show a somewhat hastily sketched, but no less good-looking rendition of Malice. “It helps me visualize him when he talks, like what I do with Dark. That way I can get a feel as if he was standing there like you and me. Now that I’ve got a better idea of his real looks, I can see him better.” ...Not bad. Pretty damn close. It’s missing my chaotic flare, but you can only put so much on paper. “Are you letting your ego run wild… again?” mumbled the blue alicorn Malice spoke from. Hey! Look who lived to see another meal! “Shut up, ya chaotic prick. What’d I miss?” DJ asked as he sat back up, wiping a few bits of lunch from his muzzle. “Damn, two hours already? Heh, time flies when yer connecting with Malice like that.” ‘Nothing too important, DJ. Just some bonding time with Mallie-kun. That’s all.’ Dark laughed softly, ‘Right, pal o’ mine?’ I have no idea what he’s talking about. ‘Haha, that’s so Mallie!’ Dark laughed again before patting his back. ‘But yeah..nothing too important. Was it worth eating all the food, DJ?’ “Eeyup! Ah, you guys sure know how to cook! Mm mm!” DJ said while licking his lips. “So… what did you guys eat?” Everyone there besides him blinked in turn before all hearing a loud, rumbling noise erupt that echoed off the walls and became slightly deafening for a moment. “Well...nothing, since ya kinda ate all the food. We, uh, got a little distracted.” “Yes! With a lesson!” Twilight quickly nodded before frowning as her stomach grumbled again. “...but now that we’re done, it’s quite obvious how hungry we still are.” Rainbow Dash grumbled before pounding her hooves together. “And it’s all DJ’s fault!” DJ rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Heh, sorry guys. When my stomach’s empty, I kinda lose it. Hey! How about I make you all something to make up for it? I know a few old recipes that could work. Anyone like lasagna?” “Did somebody say food?!” Pinkie hopped on DJ’s back and grinned. “I wonder if you can cook as well as our human can? I mean, you should be able to, being a former human and all...but how about you whip up some lasagna and show us what you’ve got!” “Heh, while I may not be as good as you are Pinks, I can cook pretty well.” Save for that one time you burned down the kitchen. “Malice! ...The food was still delicious! Don’t mind him, he’s wacko!” That’s rich coming from you! “...shut up!” “Well, well...look at that, Dark!” ‘I know! Who knew we’d get dinner...and a show!’ Both Malice and DJ glared at the human, though only Dark could see Malice’s. “Do we look like a comedy act to you?” “Well, if one sees two jesters…waka-waka.” “Ryan… yer such a brat.” DJ sighed and made his way to the kitchen. “Just shut up and I’ll have dinner ready in about thirty minutes.” “Just don’t set the kitchen on fire...we don’t need to rebuild our house again.” “Have a little faith!” DJ huffed. For the next thirty minutes, the girls and Ryan conversed between themselves, their new friends being a constant topic. They quieted down when DJ emerged from the kitchen. “Can’t believe I still remember this old recipe, but here ya go! Five cheese, vegetarian lasagna! And I even had enough left over to make a cheesecake!” He put the dishes down and sat back. “Dig in everypony!” Ryan threw his hand in the air, finger pointed in triumph. “FOOD!” Predictably, DJ—and by extension, Malice—were bowled over as the group of ponies and human finally sought to satiate their snarling stomachs. “Wow, good thing I made extras after all. Good call Malice.” Those stomachs were calling to me, DJ! They threatened to eat us, I just know it! ‘Naw, we wouldn’t eat ya, Mallie-kun. That’s just silly...besides, we don’t know where you’ve been, so you could be highly unsanitary even if cooked at 400 degrees.’ Dark… I hate you. Good lord, how much I hate you. Kid? Are you sure we can’t go on a destructive killing spree? Come on! Just for once? “Malice we’ve been over this. The only time that is going to happen is if we find a world of evil duplicates. That is the only exception! So, no, we can’t kill Dark.” Damn it! One of these days, shade-boy! One of these days! ‘...wow, Mallie. To say all that...’ Dark grinned widely. ‘You must really treasure our friendship! So much love! Haha! Come here and give me a hug you goober!’ NO! There was the sound of locking doors and closing shutters. Bar’s closed! Get lost! Ocupado! Dark shrugged before sticking out his tongue. ‘Oh well, so much for breakthroughs.’ After eating their fill and finally calming their stomachs, night had finally fallen and with it time to rest and prepare for the new day to come…but not without Dark harassing—I mean, being the bestest friend ever to Malice. ‘Look, just hear me out here…what if, for once, you just put aside all that loving hate you have for me, and do something fun for a change.’ Dark saw Malice’s eyes gleam and he so rolled his. ‘No, Mallie, not wanton murder and mayhem.’ Figures. Never get to do nothin’! Alright, just this once, I’ll hear you out, but if it’s stupid, I’m smacking you upside the head. ‘Good, good. Fair enough. Now then...we’re both really strong, right?’ Yes… ‘And we both have the mind of a thinker with battle right? Strategy and techniques and such, yes?’ Of course. It’s all I know besides chaos. Get to the point, I’m starting to get bored. ‘Such a spoilsport. I swear, no sense for build-up.’ Dark huffed. ‘So, seeing as you and I both know that this little shindig is no doubt going to heat up...why don’t we come up with some kinda combo techniques? So, ya know, when the shit hits the fan we can team up, strike a pose, and look awesome...not necessarily in that order, but yeah.’ Malice eyed Dark for a moment and then got in close to him. Dark smiled at this, thinking that he’d won over the demon… only for it to be shattered by a hoof to the head. I ain’t doin’ no Ginyu shit with you, ya damn senile old-man! I don’t pose for nothin’! Combo powers, however… well ya had my curiosity, Darkness, but now you have my attention. Dark blinked, rubbing his forehead. ‘Ow...man, why ya gotta be so rough. Don’t ya know you get further with more gentle signs of affection?’ He dodged a thrown lamp before smirking. ‘Oh fine. No posing, ya boring borestein. At least you’re up for combo time. Now, admittedly, our fight didn’t really showcase much in terms of techniques from you and DJ...but I can’t imagine you don’t have any, Malice. Even the dumbest characters in history have some kinda technique, so I doubt you’d let yerself get out-classed by them like that. So, answer me this and we can get started: why didn’t you use any other than Rage Shift and yer Force powers when you guys fought us?’ Because that wasn’t the plan. My job was to simply piss you off to the point of breaking, then let the kid switch back in. I can’t harness the Elements like he can, so he’s the stronger of the two of us. The whole point of the fight was for DJ to push past his limit and see how much stronger we could become. ‘...So basically, what yer saying is that you knew we were stronger and so wanted DJ to get better by fighting us full-out. That’s positively devious on yer part, Mallie.’ Dark grinned in a way that, were he not the chaotic guy he was, would probably disturb Malice. ‘Still, from what we gathered when we popped in on you two later the following day, it would seem DJ felt your repertoire was somehow...lacking.’ We focused too much on relying on the powers alone. But then again, there has been no point into really expanding on these powers. I’m surprised that you haven’t picked up on that. ‘Probably because even when there doesn’t seem to be a point in improving something, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try anyway. Look at Ryan...even though there was no real sign saying Cordy was gonna come back and try something, or even that Chrissy was a threat, he still kept improving himself when he could just so he’d be ready. Still...I imagine part of what you say is just DJ striking me as very impulsive and not one to really contemplate that far ahead.’ You’d be surprised how wrong that statement is if you saw what really went on in his head. But that’s not what I meant. Dark, unlike you and Ryan, DJ’s not trying to prepare for the next greatest threat to Equestria. What he’s preparing for is his children’s future, his future with Twilight and what their lives are going to bring them next. Haven’t you been listening to him? He’s always saying that he is no hero. What he means by that is that he doesn’t want to be a hero. He didn’t go to Equestria to fight monsters and save the day. No, he went there to live. To live a life free of the turmoils of Earth. This kind of power, is very low on his priorities. Dark was silent as he took that in, before smiling. ‘DJ and Ryan really are too damn similar...I fear you misread what I meant about Ryan always trying to improve. While the by-product is the protection of his new home, he doesn’t do so to be a hero. Sure, he’ll play the part, but mostly because he’s got a good heart that wants to protect. He does the same thing I did, to make sure that no matter what, those we care about are safe. As I did for Tia, Woona, and Cordy….so he does the same for his herd, his family. While he didn’t choose to come here like DJ, he’s become happy here and, to share something with you, he wants to do as DJ did and make things official with AJ and the others. To make a future here...but to do that, he needs to make sure that no matter what might come, he’s strong enough to face it. So, in a way, both DJ and Ryan have the same reason for how they are...they just see different ways to reach that goal.’ Heh, yeah. Ryan sees continuing to be the hero as the means to that end, while the kid would just rather hang up the cape and call it a day. Le sigh, it’s hard being chaotic around one so harmonic. Then again, I’m actually starting to prefer his way. This got Dark to raise an eyebrow. ‘Really? That’s interesting. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy to just kick back and let everything else be.’ Malice smirked at that. Believe or not, Dark, I’ve actually mellowed out over these past few years. I used to be all chaos and destruction, no matter what. Now… now I don’t really know what I want out of life. But, hey, I’m an alicorn. I got an eternity to find out, not like there’s anything keeping that from happening, right? Malice said with a chuckle, bumping Darkness a little. Dark, however, looked a little nervous at his friend’s words, trying very hard to keep from telling him the truth about the legend. ‘Haha, right, Mallie. That you do, you horny, winged horse you.’ Dark snickered before clapping his hands. ‘Now then...with that out of the way, let’s work on that combining bit. And...seeing as we’re kinda in the flux-dream state with our hosts sleeping right now, we can make any battlefield we want...but I can imagine the kind of targets that would make you the most happy.’ Modern day L.A. featuring the world’s most annoying and worthless celebrities? Dark blinked before smirking. ‘Well, actually, I was going to say an open field with nowhere to hide full of clones of myself….but I mean, if you really want the other option...’ Malice looked torn. Hmm, killing Darkness or killing Bieber? Bieber or Darkness? Darkness or Bieber? Ugh, why must I always be stuck with the difficult decisions? I choose… ah, what the heck I can dream of it later, let’s go kill some Shades! Dark grinned before pulling Malice into a hug. ‘What did I say? Can I read this guy or what? Hahahaha...now then...let’s go kill myself and watch myself wet myself in terror as I rampage with the epitome of chaos and combine moves like a boss!’ Yes! And just for the fun of it, let’s keep the reader guessing on what we come up with! Up for a screen transition of awesomeness, Darkness old-boy? ‘Huzzah! It’s worth seeing myself scream in terror to have you call me by name for once! Now then!’ Dark flared up his aura before producing a field of nervous, confused clones of himself. ‘Heaven or Hell! Let’s ROCK!’ Die bitches! DIE!! The next morning, Ryan groaned as he awoke. Rolling to his side, he ended up clear off the bed and yelping as he hit the hard floor. “Ugh...what does it feel like I was on the receiving end of one of Dark’s True Darkness Erasers?” “Apple Ryder, whatcha doin’ on the floor?” Ryan turned to see AppleJack’s head hanging over the edge of the bed, smirking at him as he lay on his back. “Oh, you know...just saying good morning to mah other waifu. I’m sure you know her well: her name is the freakin’ ground.” Ryan sighed, “...I get the weirdest feeling Dark was doing something last night and Ah’m paying a bit of a price for it.” “Hey guys!” they heard DJ yelling from his room. “Can I, uh, can I get a little help in here?” Ryan and Apps looked to each other and shrugged before getting up and going to the stallion’s room. When they opened the door, however… “What in tarnation?! DJ, how’d ya get up there?” DJ, somehow, was frozen to the ceiling of his room. “That’s kinda what I’m wondering. Just get me down!” “Ugh...what’s all that racket?” Twilight mumbled as she walked into the room. “I was having this great dream about Ryan and a book and...why is DJ frozen to our ceiling?” “We aren’t quite sure...but he’s seems a bit chilly this morning.” AppleJack snickered a bit. “It seems like he’s givin’ us the cold shoulder.” “If you don’t stop those puns right now and get me down, you ain’t gonna like what Imma gonna do!” Ryan snickered before flipping around and standing on the ceiling. “Okay, okay...just chill. Oh wait! Yer already doing that! Hahahaha.” Despite the glare he was getting from DJ, Ryan hit the ice and cracked it. “...might wanna watch yer fall there, partner.” “I’m good,” DJ said floating for a minute before righting himself. Then he used his wings to float back down to the ground. “And I thought I said no more puns! Just for that, I’m not helping you fix the car today. And just so you know, the magical influx has ruptured so now it’s in worse state than it was.” “So basically, you broke it even harder than Ah thought.” “Hey, I ain’t the one who kicked the thing just because it was beeping.” AppleJack’s cheeks flushed before she puffed out her cheeks. “It ain’t mah fault! How was Ah supposed to know it wasn’t some pony-eating thing from beyond?! Hmph!” Ryan snickered before landing back on the ground. “Easy there, Apps. Ain’t no harm done. It ran once, it can run again.” AppleJack grumbled until she felt Ryan’s fingers scratching her ears. “...tarnation. Ah just can’t stay all huffy when ya use them digits of yers on me.” “That’s the point. Haha.” DJ was giving them a weird look. “Wow, that’s weird to see a pony who looks like my sister like this.” He shook his head. “No offense guys, but the sooner I’m back in my world the better. I think more screws are breaking loose every minute longer I stay.” Having finally awoken from all the noise, Rainbow Dash walked in holding something in her teeth. Seeing the others, she spit it out on the ground before frowning. “Do you guys know where these screws keep coming from? I stepped on this thing in the bathroom...and then found another one next to the bed. You aren’t missing parts from one of your inventions, are you Ryers?” “So that’s where those went!” DJ then took in a big puff of air and the screws were sucked up into his mouth. “Mmm, good screws. Lots of iron!” He looked back at the stunned group and innocently asked, “What?” “...I know they say iron is good for the diet, but I don’t remember any books saying to get it that way.” “Like I’m always saying, I’m nuts! Ha ha!” “Clearly, there is a point where we should’ve stopped.” Ryan smirked before making the most terrifyingly excited face. “But just for shits and giggles, let’s keep going and see where we end up!” “Why do I get the feeling that by the end of this, the fourth wall here is going to be non-existent?” Who can really say, DJ Sparkle? Just sit down, shut up, and enjoy the ride. “Did anyone else just feel a chill go down their spine just now? Like something was looking down on you?” “You know...come to mention it.” Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “There was something oddly like that back when we fought Trixie and...something involving pink happened.” “Like I told Ryan before, this would never happen back home. Our universe would’ve collapsed by now if this kinda shit usually happened.” Ryan smiled before striking a pose. “What can Ah say, baby? We’re just too cool for that ta happen!” “More like ‘fool’,” DJ quipped causing Ryan to stumble. “Anyways, let’s get something quick to eat. It’s about time me and Twilight get to work on getting me home.” “Actually, I think someone was cooking downstairs.” Rainbow sniffed the air. “Yeah...someone’s cooking. Either that or DJ set the house on fire in his sleep. Hopefully the former.” “HEY! ….That only happened once.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “Well...perhaps we should investigate this mysterious cooking.” With that he headed downstairs, followed by everyone else that was awake at this point to see...Discord and Fluttershy making pancakes that were floating on to the plates themselves. “Oh good! They’ve finally awoken! Tantalized, no doubt, by my magnificent cooking!” “...should...should we ask what kinda pancakes those are?” DJ leaned in and sniffed them a little. “Hmm… do I detect a hint of wildberries, dabbed in honey, and small pinch of chaos on the side?” Who gives a damn what’s in it? Let’s eat! ‘Oh, hey! Mallie’s up now! But I second his statement! I’m starving!!’ Ryan turned to DJ and twitched his nose at a thought. “Doesn’t it strike you odd that the both of them just now spoke up, are extremely hungry, and both you and Ah found ourselves feeling out-of-sorts when we woke up? Almost as if they were up to something last night…” DJ shrugged. “I dunno, Malice does weird things when I’m sleeping. They always find a way to slip into my dreams, though. For some reason, I dreamed of… wait it’s gone now. Really need to work better on remembering dreams or I’ll never get the hang of that dream-walking spell.” “Hmmm...and all I can remember is an open field...screaming...and two maniacally laughing voices overhead.” Ryan scratched his cheek. “...ominous. Oh well…” “Yes yes, dear boys! Best hurry while they’re still hot! Chaos doesn’t taste as good cold, after all!” Listen to the man...creature...thing. DJ rolled his eyes. “Yes, Malice. I getting the food, I’m getting it!” After a few moments, they were all seated at the table, Discord included, and began to eat their chaos infused pancakes. DJ was the first to take a bite. He smiled after a moment. “Wow! Tastes like blue-raspberry! Delish!” “Hmm...weird.” AJ smacked her lips. “Mine tastes like cinnamon apples.” “Mine tastes like Apple Pie.” Ryan commented...before shoving a whole pancake in his mouth. “Mine taste like candy!” Pinkie giggled...before pouring a ton of syrup on it despite everypony’s stares. “What? You can never have enough sweet!” Huh… even though the kid is tasting berries, I’m getting the taste of salisbury steak. Weird, but I ain’t complaining. ‘Cordy’s cooking is a bit wild, isn’t it? Apparently it’s the chaos...because all I can taste is delicious, delicious pork.’ Dark laughed. ‘As always, Cordy, you outdo yourself.’ “Oh please, Darkness...you’ll make me blush with such comments. What are neighbors for? Besides, I suppose it is nice to adjust to a more...normal routine after all that mess of the last thousand years. So messy...and not even in a good way!” “Yeah, Malice filled me in on your whole rage-quit on humanity,” DJ said through his bites. “That’s certainly a new take on it. Discord back home just wanted to have fun. He’s like Pinkie but with the powers of a god. Still, don’t ya think banishing an entire race was going just a little overboard?” Discord sat down his plate and just stared at it. “Even being who I was, I wasn’t in my right mind. Before the incident, I wager I was exactly like your Discord. Maybe a bit different, as I do recall my parents...and settled down with Tia and Lulu along with Dark when I noted how entertaining they were. But...losing Gauge like that...I fear that is what changed me the most. When it seemed as if humans were responsible for her death, a part of me died and wasn’t sure how to handle it. That’s why I fled after arguing with Darkness, hoping to reason with myself and protect them from what I may do. Heh...fat lot of good I did with that, seeing as I still came back and did some pretty terrible things.” DJ nodded sagely. “I feel ya, dude. If anything were to happen to Twilight, well, I don’t there’s a force on my planet strong enough to keep me from getting my revenge.” “After that little display by you two yesterday, I wouldn’t doubt it.” Discord laughed softly. “I suppose, as I told the boy, I should be glad that a part of me still managed to maintain what I call sanity and just banish humanity from here instead of what my madness had planned. I’m just glad I can have this chance to move on, I suppose. After all, I’m surprised to have one after causing trouble twice for the Elements, nearly killing Ryan and Spike, and then planning a double-cross in Hell till the boy’s kindness sparked something in me.” “Ah, there’s the key word! Kindness, I knew it was involved in your reformation somehow!” “Oh yeah, you said something about the other me and your Discord.” Fluttershy nodded, “I imagine my other self filled the role in redeeming your Discord, if what I’m thinking is right.” “Eeyup. She was the first to become Discord’s friend, and when his antics threatened that friendship, he fixed everything he chaosed so he wouldn’t lose Fluttershy. Sure things have been a little difficult between them, what with the wedding and all, but they still have their weekly tea time. Angel hates the hell out of it, but it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it sometimes.” “Oh yes...Angel.” “Quite right, boy. That rabbit is something else, isn’t he?” Fluttershy pouted. “Oh, now you don’t have to say things like that. I know he can be very temperamental sometimes, and I’m sure he doesn’t mean anything by it…” Ryan and Discord both stared at Fluttershy and gave her a look. “Eep...well...yes...yes, he can be a bit...bothersome. I know how finicky he can be and demanding…” “Flutters, Ah love ya...and that’s why Ah tolerate Angel...but honestly? He’s a pushy little shit that’s lucky he hasn’t annoyed the wrong person.” Fluttershy frowned and stared hard at Ryan. “Now, there’s no need to say that.” Ryan stared back...though it seemed a bit more strained. “Hey, don’t get me wrong. You care about him...Ah care about you...so by transitive properties Ah do sorta care about him. Besides, that should be in the past anyway. He’s actually been much more well-behaved lately.” Fluttershy nodded sharply. “Very well, Ry. And yes...it is true his behavior has improved. I’m not sure why, honestly. Maybe he just wishes to turn over a new leaf?” Dark leaned in to Malice and snickered before speaking just loud enough so only the two of them could hear. ‘Or maybe it’s because I told him that if he tried anything stupid again, there wouldn’t be a rabbit hole deep enough to hide from me.’ Malice raised an eyebrow, but DJ beat him to the punch. “Wow, you guys are really bagging on that bunny. I don’t see what the big deal is, he likes me. Back home at least. The only problem we’ve had was when he got the idea he could boss Speedy around. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen on my watch.” “Oh...you don’t know the things that rabbit has tried to pull around here. Ever since our herd took shape, he’s been extra annoying to us. Ah don’t get it either...Ah’m like great with animals! But Angel…” Ryan shrugged...before something from earlier popped into his mind. “Wait...did you say something about a wedding?” “Oh my...he did. And...from the context.” Fluttershy blushed before lowering her eyes. “A wedding involving me? I-I mean, the other me?” “Yeah, Flutters is about to become my sister-in-law in a few months time. Big Mac and her have been together for a few years now and it was only a matter of time before he popped the question. Big lug took forever fearing she would say no. Obviously that didn’t happen and there’s gonna be the second wedding of the year in a only a few months. I even got asked to be Best Man.” Ryan snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, ya mentioned that when ya had that little panic attack moment the other day.” “M-me and Big Macintosh?” Fluttershy blinked before scrunching her face. “Hmmm...I suppose I could see that happening. This whole other realities thing really makes my head hurt.” “How do you think I feel? I’m already messed up and this is just making things even nuttier upstairs,” DJ says while tapping his noggin. “Oh and that’s off limits, Twilight! Don’t even bother asking to scan my brain, I ain’t ever had a mental exam and that’s how things are gonna stay.” Twilight was caught off-guard but tried to play it off. “I...I wasn’t going to ask that! Besides….” She mumbled a bit. “My machine is broken after I tried to scan my peach’s brain again...I love him, but his mind obviously is not kind to my equipment.” If you think Ryan’s nuts, then DJ is Freud’s worst nightmare. Honestly, you should see some of the messed up shit that rolls around up he- Malice went quiet for a moment before Dark spoke up. ‘Did I just see what I think I saw?’ If you mean the Fantastic Four doing water aerobics to Cher, then yup. That just happened. ‘Hmm...seems legit. No worse than a lot of memories Ryan had from Earth. I’m not sure what kinda job he had exactly, but when you start a running joke shipping your supervisor with a cardboard box….I think you’ve gone off an end that you shouldn’t have.’ Trust me, you’ve only just scratched the surface in here. The deeper ya go, the more fucked up it gets. Malice shuddered. Some of the things this kid comes up with should not be created in any reality. Yeesh! “Heh heh. That’s me! I’m just a big ol’ bowl of crazy!” Discord grinned widely before laughing. “My my, but you two are nearly as entertaining as the boy and Darkness. It comes as no surprise that of all the places you could’ve randomly popped to, the Omniverse decided you should come here. It’s as if some higher powers than even myself and our dear Princesses were like “We should totally put these two guys together! What could possibly go wrong?!” and thus such wonderful chaos and madness was born.” He sniffed. “Almost brings a tear to my eye that I can bear witness to such joy.” Malice deadpanned. Ya know, I’ve always wondered what smoked draconequus tasted like. And I’m looking at quite the game to find out. “Now, now Malice, Discord’s not on the menu. Well, yet, let’s see how the day progresses. If he gets in the way of research, I’ll gladly get the fire going for you. Nothing is gonna get between me and getting home to my family.” So I’m a guard dog now? Eh, Rottweilers are cool enough. So watch it chaos hack, I’ve got my eyes on you. Discord snickered. “Oh dear, a hack am I? My my, such a yappy dog you’ve got, DJ. Haha. But I have no intention of hindering your return trip. After all, would that be something a friend does? I might be rusty at it, but even I know the answer to that question.” “Just a warning, Discord. This goes to everyone else as well, I need to get back home. It’s been fun and all, but I’m needed back there so from now on, my main focus is helping Twilight get that spell up and running.” “Yeah, we’re all pretty aware of that fact, partner. Don't know why ya think we wouldn’t help out with that...well, to whatever degree we can. Even if that means not interrupting the ‘Think Tank’, we won’t stop till ya get home.” Ryan smiled. “Besides, Ah did say we would, right? And Ah’m not one ta lie.” “Well, if we are all done eating, ready to get to work, Miss Sparkle?” Twilight nodded before grinning. “Indeed. As our human would say “Let’s make some Science!” “To the science, then!” The two eggheads got up and headed out for the treebrary, a lot of books and studying in their future. Five Days Later… “Man, those two have been knocking the books around all week. Other than meals and sleep, Ah haven’t seen much of either of them. Granted, they are trying to work out interdimensional travel so Ah didn’t think it’d be easy.” Spike shrugged before munching his ruby. “Oh, I imagine Twilight’s just having a blast trying to learn all this new stuff. You know how she can get.” “Yeah...they always look so tired too when they get home at night. Ah wish Ah got that super science stuff a bit more so Ah could lend a hand, but Ah’m better at breaking physics than trying to explain them.” “It’s not interdimensional travel, Ryan old buddy,” DJ said as he trotted by going to the fridge. There was a rustling sound and he came back with a few sandwiches. “Need brain food. It’s interuniversal travel, much more complicated. If you’ll excuse me, Twilights are not happy when hungry and frustrated.” Ryan snickered. “Oh yeah...frustrated T-Sparks is something. Heh, you should’ve seen her during our little hide ‘n seek event in the Canterlot hedge maze last Hearth’s Warming. Oh heavens…” ‘Yes...she was quite frustrated. In more ways than one~’ DJ froze at the entrance. “If I am interpreting that correctly… well, that’s your one warning boys. I hear something like that again, Colgate will have felt like a vacation when I’m done with you.” He walked out without another word. ‘Sheesh...’ “Yeah, he’s a bit touchy about them Twilight comments, Dark. So Ah’d lay off them.” ‘Right.’ Ryan blinked before smacking his head. “Dammit, Dark. Because of yer innuendo Ah didn’t get a chance ta ask him what progress they’ve made. Sigh…” ‘Sorry, but you know when I see an opening I take it.’ “If ya really want to know,” DJ said, popping his head in the entryway again, “Come on, then. We never said ya couldn’t sit in on the research, just to be quiet.” ‘Huh.’ “Sounds good ta me.” Ryan shrugged before following DJ to the Treebrary where they’d been working hard for quite some time. Upon entering, Ryan had to double-take at all the chalkboards everywhere and notes posted all over the place. “Great Scott...this is a lot of science.” “Pardon if it’s not to scale,” DJ said with a smile before moving over to another chalk board. In the middle of the room stood a small model of what appeared to be something right out of Stargate. “We’re testing the portal spell via this model. Hopefully, when it’s complete we won’t require the focuser. All set, Professor Sparkle?” he asked as he pulled on a pair of tinted goggles. “Indeed! Let the test begin!” Twilight handed Ryan a pair of goggles. “Here dear, you might need these lest you go blind.” “Oh, uhm, okay. Thanks.” Ryan noted, snapping them on before staring at the portal model and waiting to see what happened. Twilight activated the spell and soon the little gate began to have a swirling portal spinning inside of it. Everyone present was smiling at the result only for Twilight to frown as the vortex began spinning faster. “Ponyfeathers,” she cursed. DJ picked up on this and used his hooves to slowly push Twilight and Ryan to the ground, his arm stretching abnormally long to reach Ryan’s shoulder. Once hunkered down, they watched as the portal began to shake and convulse. The spinning got faster and faster and the gate just couldn’t hold up. Pieces began to break off and fly into the portal, the entire thing crumbling away after a few moments. Less than a second later, it collapsed, sending out a magical shockwave that blew away everything near it. DJ, Twilight, and Ryan would have been included if they had still been standing. DJ got up and stared at where the portal was. “Whelp, that didn’t work. Damn, I thought we had it this time.” “...it’s not setting a bunch of old rags on fire, but as far as fails go that one blew the competition away.” Ryan snickered at his terrible joke. Twilight rolled her eyes but couldn’t help crack a smile. “You and your puns...but yeah. Once again we’re missing something crucial that keeps it stable. Maybe the Flux-inverse Couplers aren’t harmonizing correctly?” “Ugh, if only I could remember the exact rune pattern that sent me here. If we had that, it only be a matter of breaking down the spell and reworking in reverse. This is a lot harder starting from scratch with something that wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place.” “...Ah’d joke about just looking at the script, but Ah think that’d ruin a lot of the fun to come.” Ryan chuckled as he stood up and dusted himself of. “Man, when things fail around you, they fail spectacularly. That was a thing of beauty, man. But hey, you two will figure it out; of that, Ah have no doubt.” “I hope so too, dear, but with DJ’s limited knowledge on this subject, we’re pretty much in the dark here.” “Hey, give me a break. I’ve only been doing this for around two years, you’ve been doing this almost your whole life.” “Two years?! And you already understand this much of magical theory?!” “Well, yeah. Twilight always said that magic came easily to me. But this! This is out my range. Maybe if we were dealing with a shorter range, but this is something completely different. I wasn’t even sure this kind of thing was possible.” Ryan looked confused for minute. “But this sorta thing happens all the time in movies and comics. What’s so hard to believe about this?” “Those kinds of things are universal travels. This is something much larger. I’ve been thinking this for a while, but I am not in a different universe. I’m in an entirely different multiverse!” “So, wait...this plays into the whole Omniverse thing, right? So not only are there alternate realities to our own universe, but there are entire collections of said multiverses residing in alternate planes of existence to other multiversal collections that sort of create this huge chain of collective universes. Then again, that’s about what Ah make of what ya said.” Ryan shrugged. “Ah’m not as well-versed in the high-kinds of science this invokes in the actual nitty-gritty data sense, but Ah’m pretty smart when it comes to the concepts and the more vague aspects. Ah suppose that’s why a tunnel is probably yer best bet, hence the model. Ya gotta pass through multiple multiverses ta hit the right one, but it’s finding the universe’s, uhm…”key signature” as it were so ya get the right off-ramp.” DJ blinked. “That’s… actually fairly close, Ryan. Well done. Not even Twilight understood that notion on the first try. Think of the Omniverse like a tower. It goes up and down eternally; no end either way. Each level of that tower is a multiverse, consisting of an infinite number of universes that constantly expand outward. Everyone knows the differences between universes, but most do not know the key differences between the multiverses. Those keys are you,” he said indicating Ryan, “and me”, this time pointing to himself. ‘So, if I’m reading what you and Ryan just stated correctly, there’s our layer in which we exist and, in all the other parallel universes, exist some form of either him or myself as well but with some subtle difference. It could be as simple as Ryan and I are brothers from an Earth not related to Equestria or perhaps one where I didn’t die against Cordy and, for some reason, chose to side with Woona when she went all Nightmare Moon.’ “...that’d be a pretty messed up reality, partner.” Ryan shook his head. “Ah don’t wanna think of one like that. But yer right, Dark. For our layer, we’re the difference. The one above us could have some other human or maybe not even human! It could be a deity or a god or even some unholy creature from another plane of being. Of course, there is going to be one true reality, one that Ah imagine is what that show version of events is based on. This Equestria was already split off even before Ah showed up, and Ah imagine yers split the moment you showed up, Deej. But the main point is Ah make this multiverse unique, as DJ does to his and…!” Ryan’s eyes lit up as something clicked from his deductions. “Great Scott...could it be that easy? Assuming mah basic understanding is right…” “That’s not entirely correct, but close. See, I have deduced a theory on the creation of new multiverses. It’s so simple, yet it explains everything! I theorize that every time a being travels between the worlds, a new multiverse is created. How? Well, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, which is how new universes are made. But how can a parallel be created between universes? The answer: a parallel multiverse! Which means that out there, somewhere in the Omniverse, there is a multiverse where I didn’t leave for Equestria and there’s one where Ryan is still on Earth as well and one where Dark lived his life in Equestria. Fascinating, isn’t it? It only gets more complicated, though, for those that consistently travel between worlds. Now, what could be that easy? Ya lost me.” “Ah see...so it goes one layer deeper than what Dark said. Again, it all comes back to onions.” Ryan laughed softly before cleaning his throat. “Anyway, what hit me earlier was...you can’t figure out the right runes or whatever for your multiverse’s “key” right? Well, what if we tried using something else that’s unique to your world? Like, say, yer magic or more specifically the signature it gives off. As yer well aware, the magic of a user feels different depending on who it is. Ah’ve yet to meet someone with the same aura as another when it comes to that, so what if ya tried to concoct a spell that seeked out that multiverse and then seeked out the universe in that one where yer signature isn’t? That is unless it’s a bit too deep for something that simple to work.” “That would work, if only for one problem. We have no idea how far away my multiverse is. Again, Ryan, we are talking distances that are beyond numbers. These multiverse go on for eternity, they don’t technically have an end. That’s where we keeping getting stuck.” “As Ah figured...so it is too deep, so ta speak. Shit...it’s too bad there’s no way to examine the residual, uhm, “particles” of your Twilight’s spell that sent you here. If we could do that, then maybe we could find some way to follow the “trail” it left as it sent you hurtling here back to the correct multiverse. Like breadcrumbs, only magic. Again, though, Ah imagine there’s some hitch in that line of thinking too, huh?” “Yep, as that would mean finding the exact point I landed in back in Canterlot. Plus it’s been over a week since I arrived and any residual magic that normally would have been left over has probably been cleaned up by the castle staff.” DJ sighed, putting hoof to his head as he felt another frustrating headache coming on. “If only there was something we could use to track down my world. That jump had to have been massive, I’m surprised it didn’t leave like a rip in reality or something. Now if we could find that, then we might be able to get somewhere.” Spike walked in at that moment, a gem in one hand and his gauntlets in the other. “Oh hey! There ya are, big bro! I was trying to find ya since ya said you’d spar with me and….” Ryan tilted his head before frowning. “Spike? Ya okay, little buddy? Ya look sick.” “Oh it’s….blech!” Spike belched flames as a giant scroll appeared before landing in front of everypony there. “Ugh...it’s been a long time since the Princess had to use that type!” ‘...which means not good news. Ryan?’ “Right!” Ryan nodded as he picked it up and unfurled it before quickly reading it over, mumbling as he went. “...magic....Gorge….distortions...panic...Discord….huh.” “Big trouble in little Equestria?” DJ asked as he went back to his notes. Twilight was looking over Ryan’s shoulder, reading what she could. “Ask and ye shall receive, partner.” Ryan noted before handing it to DJ, “You might wanna give this a read. Basically, it would seem that there’s been a weird anomaly found to the south here in some town called Creepy Hallow. Though Cellie doesn’t say just what it is, and only that she asked Disky to go check it out ahead of us, it’s apparently putting the townsfolk into some kinda panic.” “And it would seem she would like for us to go investigate just in case.” Twilight frowned, “This is...worrisome.” “‘Creepy Hallow’? Huh, deja vu. Well, if this anomaly is related to my jump, we might finally be able to figure out how and what we need to get me back. It sounds a little ominous, but -- AAH!” DJ suddenly clutched his head, breathing erratically in pain. Good lord!! What the hell?! Malice screamed out, doubling over in pain within the mental scape. ‘Mallie?!’ “Deej?!” Ryan rushed over to him before crouching down. “Dude! What’s wrong?!” DJ panted for a moment, trying to regain his bearings. He seemed erratic and almost pale, like he’d seen a ghost. “We have to get to that town. And soon!” “Right! I’ll go get the others, you wait here with Ryan and Spike!” With that Twilight poofed off to get the rest of the herd while Ryan continued looking at his new friend and trying to figure out just what in the hell was going on. ‘Mallie...clearly something not right is going on. Are you gonna be okay?’ Yeah, yeah, that was just… that’s never happened like that before. Ryan and Dark both raised an eyebrow at that one. ‘What’s never happened like that before?’ “Ah’m with Dark...yer sayin’ that’s happened ta you two before?” “It was a vision, a vision of the Force. We had a look into the future and… dear mother. Something bad is going to happen, and soon.” We’ve experienced minor visions in the past, but that… that was some strong shit. “It wasn’t very clear, but what we did see… There was fire and destruction and darkness.” DJ shuddered hard, choking back a sob. “I saw the princesses, your herd… they were all dead. And then, then I saw you and Dark fall as well. I couldn’t see what was doing it, but… it was awful.” “...that’s disheartening, and we should take it’s warning...but again, like Ah told ya partner, the only problem Ah have with the Force future predicting is it’s too vague for it’s own good sometimes. Ah won’t say that trouble isn’t brewing, but as to whether it’s the real future you saw or just a possible one is yet to be determined.” Ryan nodded as he noted the others poofing in. “Either way, Ah’m not letting anyone die. Not mah herd. Not the Princesses. And not you, Deej.” “All accounted for, Ryan….Is...is something wrong?” “No, nothing’s wrong,” DJ answered quickly. He leaned over to Ryan and whispered, “They don’t need to know the details. The fewer who know about the vision, the better chance we have of stopping it.” “Right. If we’re all set, let’s get a move on!” ‘Hold on tight guys, time for express transit!’ DJ sighed. “Here we go again.” A short moment later, the group had popped in just outside of Creepy Hallow intact….well, mostly intact given the way DJ’s eyes were swirling. “Geez...ya really can’t handle teleporting too much, huh?” “Like I said,” DJ said as he regained his balance, “I don’t like letting others drive.” He shook free of his dizziness and took a quick glance around. “Well, certainly looks like Discord’s here.” “Boys! Ladies! Helloooooo~” Discord laughed loudly before waving them over. “Nice of you to join me. Perhaps you can help the locals calm a little since they seem to be a bit...overly dramatic ever since I showed up.” Dark noted what was left of the populace running about in a panic. ‘That’s an understatement, Cordy. What the hell is going on?’ “Something quite unusual...that may possibly have a link to our dear new friends. Admittedly, I haven’t had much of a chance to get information from anyone here with their panicked state of mind...but I suppose with the lot of you here to assist we can simply home in on whatever it is that has them so spooked.” Discord bowed before motioning towards the creepy forest bordering the town. “Shall we?” “Let’s,” DJ said with a nod. They began trotting off into the town, watching as a few panicked ponies ran by. “Should we calm them down? It doesn’t look like they’re gonna do it themselves anytime soon.” “...Ah reckon Ah haven’t seen a creature this panicked since Winona realized we were takin’ her to the vet.” AppleJack watched two ponies collide with one another before running off in opposite directions. “Ya know...after all the crazy crap that happens in Ponyville, Ah’m starting to think we’re gettin’ a bit...desensitized to trouble like this. Ah mostly say this, because Ah really don’t think it’s much harm if it just plays itself out.” “...as weird as it makes me say to agree with that, AJ’s got a point.” Rainbow Dash nodded before punching the air. “We should just focus on the source, and then everypony else will chill out once we stop the problem!” “Eh, alrighty then. At least they’re not looting. Human up!” There was a flash of green light and DJ was once again in his human form. His new friends were all staring at him in confusion, but he ignored it. “What are you staring at? Let’s get a move on!” As they group ran on towards the forest and what was no doubt the source of the trouble, Dark felt he had to answer DJ’s rhetorical question. ‘I imagine that the reason they were gawking is confusion as to why you went human at a time like this. Obviously, yer skill seems better in bi-ped mode...so no surprise you wanna go all out prepared from the get-go. The thing that bothers me is, how long has this thing been here whatever it is? And what exactly are we going to find?’ “Well you’re about to find out, Dark old boy!”  Discord answered with a giddy smile. “It’s really quite something.” DJ stopped not long after that. “Woah.” It took Ryan not even a second later to catch up and see what he was gawking at. Right outside of the town, a massive tear just existed right in the middle of the air, swirling colors going on within. “Whoa, indeed.” Ryan looked at the odd slice in reality before seeing something around it. “...what the hell? What are those hooded ponies doing around it? Is that...some kinda ritualistic circle they’ve formed?” “I have a bad feeling about this. The Force is radiating with negative energies over there.” DJ stepped forward, putting his hands to his mouth. “HEY! Hooded pony dudes! Whacha doin’ over there?” All but one pony continued the creepy chanting as he turned to see what this interruption was. “The hell is going on here? Don’t you know that—human!” “Me?” Ryan and DJ both answered. “No! The one there with the voice in his head!” ‘Me?’ The pony facehoofed before rolling his eyes. “No! The one with the pervy voice from the past!” Dark growled. ‘How dare you say such a thing about my good friend, Mallie!’ He means you, Dark, ya ass! ‘...I’m not a pervert...am I?’ “My dear Dark, now’s not the time to determine you’re curious actions.” Discord remarked before glaring at the ponies. “I have a feeling I know exactly what this group is…” “Then enlighten us before I go over there and start kicking some ass. I got a lot of beef with cults and right now I want to start, as Malice would say, spilling some blood.” “...funny you say that, old bean, as this particular cult is in need of some setting straight.” Discord seemed oddly focused. “As you might recall, ladies, we once had a discussion in which it was mentioned there were groups that followed Tia, Lulu, and even myself as a sort of...religion if you will. While most are harmless...it would appear this group has something stupid in mind.” “Ah reckon that’s sure enough true if they’re messin’ with that weird light-show.” “Dear heavens...that human...he sure keeps the weirdest bunch with him.” The lead pony grumbled. “I won’t even bother asking why there’s two now...but hahahahahahahaha! You’re too late!” “I don’t like the sound of that,” DJ muttered. “I don’t care what you think you’re gonna get out of this, but if you plan on hurting any innocents then you’re gonna have to go through me! And them, I guess.” “Innocents? Mwahahaha. That will be the least of your worries once we return our dear deity back to his true self! No longer will he be tainted by that meddlesome human and his herd’s friendship talks!” “Shadow Die! The portal!” The pony, now revealed to be this Shadow Die, turned triumphantly towards it. “Yes! Come, true chaos! Return Discord to the being he so rightly is and return him to his full glory!” Wait, are they trying to summon something from between the worlds?! ‘...No, Mallie. Worse….if I’m putting together the pieces right, they’re trying to harness its power to turn Cordy back into the maniacal, evil madman he was after Gauge’s death.’ Dark looked about before staring at Discord. ‘However...something isn’t right. Cordy’s not really changing, but something is off about that tear.’ “Uh oh,” DJ said putting his hand near a lightsaber. “I have a feeling that both of you are right. They may not be able to change this Discord, but who's to say about another…” ‘...oh, oh no. I know this kind of magic...this is far worse than I had hoped.’ Dark tensed up as something emerged from the tear. It was Discord, alright, but something was not right about him in the least. “...where am I?” Discord looked around before seeing Ryan and DJ. “Humans!” “Oh shit!” Ryan gasped, pulling out Malus Domestica and barely blocking this Discord’s attack. “...this anger. This hatred…” ‘...it’s Cordy from the past. Oh, shit. I’ve seen Back to the Future so I know this ain’t good!’ “Oh my, my, my. Dark? Is that you? But I must say...wherever did you leave your body?” Discord (?) looked about before seeing things were off. “Well now, this isn’t the Everfree. I was having such a fun time chasing those miserable humans and ponies into it until I was rudely taken away from it all. Might I imagine you have something to do with this?” “That would be me!” Shadow Die remarked with a sneer. “...I suppose it’s not as intended, but to see our deity back to his true nature is still the result we desired. We’re here to serve you, our lord.” DJ lit his lightsaber and edged over to the current Discord. “Discord,” he whispered, “You need to get out of here before your past-self notices. We need an ace, and you just became it.” Discord (?) took one look at Shadow Die...and backhanded him into the horizon. “Foolish pony! What need would one such as I have for the likes of you?!” Discord looked at DJ and nodded, making quick to disguise himself before making tracks as best he could. His past self, however, immediately felt something was off. “So then...if I was brought here. Oh, goodie! That means it’s the future! But...hold on! Things seem quite off here!” Discord (?) looked about at the land that was, despite creepy, normal. “The land is so...bland. The ponies are free? And...a human? Two! Sorry, boy, didn’t sense you there with that piddly amount of magic you’ve got.” Ryan snickered. “Oh shit...Ah know it’s not the time, but he totally just smack talked you, dude.” “‘Piddly’?!” DJ parroted. “I have a lot of magic, thank you very much! Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face!?” Past Discord did just that, perhaps faster than DJ would’ve liked, before he bitch-slapped him to the ground. “I don’t talk to humans...I let my claw handle that for me!” DJ rubbed his cheek as he got back up. You son of a bitch! You touch my partner one more time, I’m gonna fuck you up! Past Discord—perhaps P Cordy for short? No? Right. Anyway! He looked a bit surprised at Malice’s outburst. “Well, well. It would seem Dark isn’t the only person that went and got himself trapped in someone. And you? Fuck me up? You’ll need a bit more chaos than what I sense to do that.” “Rawr!” Ryan growled as he brought Malus Domestica’s components down towards this Discord...only to get blocked in mid-air. “...oh dip.” “So impatient. I don’t know who you are, but you’re beginning to bore me. Why Dark would hide in your head is beyond me, but clearly he chose poorly.” “The hell!?” Ryan gasped as he was slammed into DJ, knocking the four of them across the ground. “...Dark...why the hell is he so strong?” ‘...I told you his anger was great back then. And it fueled his madness.’ “Then how...how did you even fight him?” ‘...I can’t answer that. Not because I don’t want to...but the memories of how are blurry.’ Well, we’re boned. “Thanks for the confidence, Malice. We need to do something, especially with the others here. We should’ve brought the Elements, just in case.” Twilight rolled her eyes before nodding her head, revealing something around her and her friend’s necks. “I cast a spell to hide them in case there was trouble.” “Now, what’s this? Oh look, the Elements. I must say, they’re much more fashionable then I remember. However…” Discord snapped his fingers and the group gasped in horror as their Discord was now ensnared in his past self’s claws. “It would seem that some things just went terribly, terribly wrong. Like myself. Here I am, galavanting about with ponies and humans like they were my friends.” Disky grumbled and tried to break free. “My past self was a jackass...why don’t you go blow off some steam before you do something stupid?” ‘...Mallie? Now we’re boned.’ “However, I  belive I can fix all of this!” Past Discord placed his paw over his future self before grinning. ‘Cordy! No!’ Dark shouted, but too late. In something that clearly should’ve broke time but didn’t, Discord’s past self took his future self’s power before throwing him aside in a crumpled mess. “...no. Disky!” “Aw, shit! This ain’t good. Uh, someone please tell me we have a plan for this, ‘cause I really think we need one right about now!” The girls looked at each other, Spike looked to them, they looked to Ryan/Dark and DJ/Malice, and then they all turned to Past Discord who just stared at them with a menacing and creepy grin. “DJ...this is probably stupid, but we’re gonna hold him off with what we can while they make a break for it. If...if they can get the Princesses help...maybe...I know it’s stupid.” Ryan growled as he flared his Elemental Sync. “But dammit! It’s all Ah’ve got at the moment! Unless a miracle is gonna occur….” DJ looked at Ryan and then at Discord, then back to Ryan before smirking. “Yeah, that’s what I figured was gonna happen.” He chuckled lightly under his breath before closing his eyes. When he opened them again, they were black voids. “Let’s get this over with. I wanna get back in time for dinner.” “Oh my! What do you know? I guess you do have a little bit of magic in you, after all! Such bravado...but so stupid. Just like Darkness. So, boys, let’s start my reign of terror through time by taking down four annoying little insects.” DJ glared at Discord. “It’s not bravado, Discord; it’s hope. As long as there is still hope, then you won’t win. Now, if you want magic, I’ll give you magic! I probably shouldn’t use this so soon, but we need everything right now.” DJ pulled out his swords and focused on his inner powers. “Generosity, Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty, Magic! Harmonic Convergence!” There was a golden flash of light and DJ was back to full power. “Now… let’s see how you can handle us now.” “Hahaha. Well, well...since when was it that any human could just use the Elements as well? I didn’t realize they’d been reduced to such a sad little toy. Still, points for that surprise.” Discord clapped his claw and paw together sarcastically. “So, boys...I’m right here. Let’s make some chaos~” “You won’t take this land! I am the Being of Harmony and together with my friends, we will stop you!” “Deej is right! Ah won’t ever let someone like you take this world from those that live here! Ah will protect those Ah love!” Ryan roared as he charged with DJ, their strikes in sync with one another as they tried to land a blow on Discord. DJ went high, while Ryan went low… only for Discord to snap his fingers and appear right behind them. “You both are trying just so very hard.” Discord grabbed the two of them and slammed them together head-first. “It’s almost admirable...but such a sacrifice to let your little friends escape. Foolish as ever, eh Darkness?” ‘Cordy...no. You aren’t Cordy. You’re an awful, terrible version of him that shouldn’t have ever been.’ “Oh! It hurts so. Hahaha. But not as much as this will!” ‘What?’ Dark barely got that out before he—and Ryan—screamed in pain as his host’s arm was grabbed tightly by Discord before twisting it fiercely. “We’ve got a screamer here! I bet all the mares love that!” Discord cackled as he twisted Ryan’s arm more, drawing out more screams. ‘...bastard.’ “HEY!!” Discord turned towards the scream, only to yelp as he was struck by lightning. “Don’t. Hurt. My friends!” DJ yelled, his rage beginning to peak. Discord blinked, dropping Ryan who grunted and flexed his arm to see he was still okay somehow. “Oh dear...such rage. Such power. Perhaps I misspoke...but I can’t have this ruining my fun.” “What?” Ryan groaned as he felt himself picked up, “What the?! What are you doing?!” “Getting rid of you, and your little friend as well.” Discord chuckled, appearing behind DJ who blindly tried to strike him only to find his saber caught by a claw. “Tsk, tsk...so touchy.” “Bastard!” “Oh my~! You know, I used to admire spunk, but now,” Discord’s tail suddenly shot forward, piercing right through DJ’s heart. “Now, I find it highly annoying.” KID!! Malice screamed as DJ fell to the ground in a heap, no longer moving. ‘...Mallie...no.’ Dark grunted as he watched helplessly. Discord smirked as he picked up both humans and marched to the tear in space/time. “Do watch that reentry boys, I hear it’s quite bumpy for those not expecting it. And don’t worry, I’ll take good care of this land you so care about.” Ryan spat blood before snarling. “You...motherfucker….” “I do try my best! Ta-ta!” With that Ryan and DJ were flung into the tear, disappearing from sight. Discord, noting his work here was done, dusted his hands off before looking around. “Well, time to blow this taco stand...and go after the whole enchilada.” Just as he began walking away from the tear, he felt something...something he hadn’t felt since… “Feel the Grasp of Heaven’s Might! Lunaris Catena Ignis!” “...the hell?” Discord gasped as he was surrounded and binded by white-hot lightning. Turning around, he saw a figure standing in front of the tear that made his eyes go wide. “You?! How!?”