Bow in her magical grip, Cadance felt the wind in her mane as she flew across the sky, just high enough for her subjects to not notice her while close enough to see them from above. Her horn glowed softly as she summoned her alicorn magic to find those were in need of her love. She already had one successful pairing today and she was eager to have more.
Landing on top of a coffee shop, she sensed distress in the area and quickly looked around before noticing two ponies arguing with each other at a coffee table under an umbrella, a purple stallion and a red mare, both with striking brown manes. The stallion seemed to be accusing the mare of something.Cadance cast a small eavesdropping spell Twilight had taught her and listened. a spell on her ears to listen in.
“... and another thing! Why do you always have to say what I should and shouldn’t do?! I’m two years older than you! I think I know how I’m supposed to act in a relationship!” the stallion said with a growl. “This is your first time with a coltfriend. Maybe you should listen to the guy who knows what it takes to keep love going.”
“Oh, please! You're just sour that I’m better pony in the bed then you are,” scoffed the mare.
Seems like this couple needs a reminder of what is between them. A “Love At First Sight” arrow should do the trick.
Cadance drew her arrow out, notched it, aimed at the stallion, and fired. It was a true hit, directly above the stallions jackhammer cutie mark. He yipped just before the arrow disappeared and his eyes turned pink.
The mare raised her eyebrow and shook her head. “Did... did an arrow go into your butt?”
“I don’t know, maybe you should check inside and see?” said the stallion, leaning closer with a sly smirk on his muzzle.
The mare froze and slowly turned to the stallion. “W-what?!”
The stallion grabbed her hoof from across the table. “Oh, Ruby. What a fool I’ve been! I don’t love Jade Eyes, I love you!”
The mare stared at him. “W-What?!”
“I know it’s taboo, but society be damned! I love my sister, and I don’t care who knows it!”
Cadance’s eyes nearly popped out. “What...”
“W-what?!” shouted the sister, who stood from her seat like it was on fire. Her brother continued to crawl on the table, inching closer to her as he shifted his bottom left to right.
“Yes, it’s true. I knew it ever since the day you came out of mommy’s womb and gave that first beautiful cry that you were the one for me! Kiss me, Ruby! For there is no true love like that of siblings!”
“Get away from me, you psycho!” shouted Ruby as she ran out into the street, screaming while her brother chased her, proclaiming his love for her.
Cadance just sat there, stunned. “O... kay... I may have screwed up on that one... gotta fix it!”
She drew another arrow, thanking her lucky stars she designed the arrows to cancel each other out if they hit the same pony twice. She chased after the two, notching the arrow, and tried to aim at the brother, but he was zig-zagging across the street, trying to pounce on his hapless sister. Taking a chance, she fired the arrow, but instead of hitting her target it hit another crystal pony who was painting a sultry looking mare on the side of a bus stop.
The pony blinked his pink-flushed eyes, then threw himself at the still-wet painting. “Oh, Java-Bean Jane! Be mine, you foxy coffee girl!” He attacked the painting with kisses, slobbering all over the wall, panting passionately. Several moments later, he pulled back, face covered in muddied colors, and gasped in horror as he saw the love of his life now smeared into something that would make Hoofson Pollack proud. “Jane! Noooooo!”
Cursing, Cadance drew another arrow and fired again, only this time her aim was even worse. The arrow went wild, smacking into the rump of a crystal dog. The dog yelped, then spotted a cat and started chasing after it with hearts in its eyes. The cat screeched and ran away as both owners, holding the leashes, were dragged by their pets.
“Oh, come on! Stay still, dammnit!” shouted Cadance as drew a third arrow.
The brother had managed to tackled the sister and was standing on top of her despite her struggle. “Gimme some sugar, sister!”
“Help!”
Cadance fired the third arrow. Thankfully this time her aim was true, and the arrow dug into the brother’s rump. He yipped before the pink in his eyes faded away. Looking down, he saw his shocked, and disgusted sister, and tilted his head in confusion. “Um, Ruby. Why am I on top of you?”
Ruby’s response was a firm, swift kick between his hindlegs. He gave a silent cry of pain before tipping over on his side, holding his pelvis like it was about to fall off. With her path clear, Ruby ran like a demon was behind her as Cadance levitated there in the air, rubbing the back of her head.
Okay, so note to self. Make sure I listen to the conversation better before judging.
****
Despite her setback, Cadence was not going to give up so soon. Ducking into a nearby park, she darted from tree to tree, searching for new targets to help out. However, it seemed that everypony was fine with their own romantic lives: two stallions snuggled under the tree, tails intertwined as they enjoyed a picnic; little colts giving fillies cards or candy which earned them a kiss on the cheek. Even married couples were spending time together by going on walks in the park.
Cadence couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I got all dressed up in this costume to do some good in the world by helping ponies with their love problems, but how can I be the Princess of Love if everypony is already in love?!
“How can I tell him,” muttered somepony nearby as if Cadance’s prayers were answered. She turned around and saw a emerald crystal pony by a balloon stand, holding his chin up with his hoof. “Every year it’s the same thing. I keep trying to tell him but my nerves fail me. Especially on this day.”
Cadence nearly gleefully squeezed upon hearing this and reached for a “Courageous Heart” arrow that would give him the bravery he need to express himself on whatever it was he wanted to do. Soon, my subject, you will have a coltfriend who will love you.
She aimed for him and was about to fire when somepony spoke behind her. “Princess Cadence?”
“Eep!” shouted Cadence who turned around and fired the arrow. She watched in horror as one of her guards, Private Flash Sentry, was knocked off his feet as the arrow entered him. “Oh my gosh! Flash, are you okay?!”
“Ugh, I think so,” muttered Flash as his eyes glowed pink. “Wh-what are you doing here? And dressed like that of all things?”
“Um,” Cadence gulped and rubbed the back of her head. “Secret... alicorn... princess... stuff... it’s all very... secret.”
Flash Sentry raised an eyebrow before slowly nodding. “R-right. Anyway, sorry to cut this short. I need to go meet with somepony and... well...” he blushed and turned away. “t-tell... h-him how much he means to me.”
He flew away as Cadence sighed in amusement. Oh, that Flash. Off to go tell Twilight how much he... wait... Her eyes widened. Did he say ‘he’? Oh... Oh... dear...
Twilight was not going to be happy about this if she ever found out.
Shaking her head and pushing aside how she was going to tell her heartbroken sister-in-law that her crush was...well, crushed, Cadence focused back on her task. She took another “Courageous Heart” arrow and this time successful aimed and fired it at the balloon vendor. After his eyes turned pink, a gray marble colored stallion with flowers in his hair walked over with another stallion who happens to be light blue. They walked over and presented a few bits.
“Hey, there. A balloon for my coltfiriend over he-”
“He’s been kissing other men!” shouted the balloon vendor with a smug on his face, pointing to the light blue crystal pony standing next to the first. His coltfriend and Cadence’s jaws dropped as did a few others who were nearby. “Yeah! This bastard comes here with three other guys each week! I didn’t know what to say until now!” He snorted. “Of course, that’s not as bad as the fact that you’ve been sleeping with his brother at the same time.”
Cadence put her hooves over her face and moaned. The spell of the arrow was designed to give you the courage to say your truest hearts desire. That didn’t always mean love though.
While the ex-couple was now glaring at each other, the balloon pony got up and spread his hooves. “Hay! I’m feeling so confident that I’m gonna say a lot of things about you so called couples! ‘ve been at this job, in this park, for so long that I see all of you hypocrites lying to each other that I’ve had enough! It’s time for the truth to come out!” He pointed to a fat mare and a skinny stallion. “You two haven’t had sex since you got married because your husband thinks yer fat plot will kill him for good next time!” Then to two young teenage stallions. “Your marefriends are gay with each other. Deal with it.” He then pointed to a mare “You lie to your friends about having a coltfriend when really it’s just a blow up doll!”
On and on he went about each couples hidden secret that soon it became drowned out by the arguments, fighting, and tears from each broken couple. Cadence just stared at all this in horror. I need to fix this! Now!
Desperate times called for desperate measures and Cadence wiped out the “Love Bomber 2.0” arrow. She aimed it high into the sky and let it loose, letting it soar high above before falling down and landing in the middle of all this chaos. At first it did nothing, then it exploded in a flash of bright purple light that had everybody in a single mile radius. Cadence closed her eyes and when the light faded she saw the results of her arrow at full force. Everypony that was caught in the blast was now making out with each other, and not just the former couples. Even ponies who had no affiliation with each other were making out and it was soon begin to... heat up as ponies tore their clothes from each other and go on top of one another.
Well... not the fixer upper I was hoping for but close enough, thought Cadence as she teleported away.
Later, a legion of guards would be sent to deal with what would be known was the “Hearts and Hooves Crystal Orgy Park Celebration”. Needless to say, there were no interviews.
***
Even on holidays, a prince’s duty was never done. Shining Armor sighed as he wrote another evaluation report from yesterday’s drill test. Despite loving the military life, they never told you how much paperwork you had to deal with. Especially as you rose up in ranks. I’d take a changeling invasion over this any day.
A knock on his door was a welcome relief for the stallion as he put his quill away. “Come in.”
Shining Armor frowned as Private Flash Sentry walked inside and saluted. “Request permission to speak with you, sir?”
“At ease, Private. And you have permission,” grumbled Shining Armor, wishing it was any pony but him that had come by. It almost made him want to go back to paperwork.
Oh, he didn’t hate the guy per se. There was nothing wrong about him and he was a good soldier who obeyed his orders. The problem was he, like everypony else but the blind sided pegasus in front of him, knew of his sister’s crush on the stallion. He didn’t even know why she liked him. Besides, she was too young at the age of twenty-five to be thinking of dating anyway.
“Sir, I’d like a leave of absence. It’s... Hearts and Hooves Day, sir,” explained Flash Sentry with a light blush on his cheeks.
“I know that, Flash, I can see from my window,” muttered Shining Armor, rolling his eyes.
“See, there is this... somepony I like back in Equestria and I... I want to tell them my feelings...” the private said with a love struck smiley.
“I see...” said Shining Armor as he thought about the next thing he was going to write. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Sentry, it is with a heavy heart that I must report that your son, Private Flash Sentry, was Killed In Action during a sudden snow bear attack on one of our outposts in the frozen north. While we are unable to find his remains, we can assure you that your son has indeed died in combat and we express our sympathies. His funeral will be held next week in the Crystal Empire, please don’t be late.
“Yup, he’s somepony I have had my eye on for quite a while in Canterlot,” sighed Flash Sentry in a dreamy tone.
Shining Armor growled and stood up. “Look here mister, you are not allowed anywhere near Twi-wait did you say ‘he’?”
Flash Sentry tilted his head. “Um, yes. My special somepony is a he.”
Dear Princess Celestia, I would like to request a transfer and promotion for Private Flash Sentry who has shown how dedicated he is for the position of Lieutenant. I feel the Solar Guards could use a stallion like him in Canterlot as he reminds me of myself in my old days. While, we’re best friends you can say!
Shining Armor smiled and grabbed the rookie by the shoulders. “Of course you can take the day off! Hay, take a week off! Go tell that stallion how you feel! Go on, buddy!”
Smiling, Flash Sentry saluted. “Thank you, sir! I’ll leave right now!”
Shining Armor waved him goodbye before laughing and breaking out a hidden beer he had saved for special occasions. “Man, I really love this holiday. I hope Cadance’s Hearts and Hooves Day adventure is going well.”