Chapter Three
As soon as the two foals, Pound and Pumpkin Cake, were settled and sleeping, Mr. and Mrs. Cake (they run the bakery, who knew?) gladly hired me and got me set up in my new living space. My new living space next to Pinkie. Next to Pinkie. Pinkie... I was going to have a long rest of my life. Using my inferring skills, I figured Pinkie usually had a good... 2 or 3 parties a week. Not something standable for someone like myself.
"So Charmie! Are you ready for your party tonight?" asked an unusually bubbly Pinkie Pie as she emerged from my closet.
"Sweet Celestia! You're gonna kill me, Pinkie!" I screeched, holding a hoof to my heart. I could almost see the frighteningly fast beats of my heart through my coat. Quite frankly, no. I wasn't ready for any party, and I never planned to be ready for any party. Ever. Pinkie never seemed to get that.
"No. I don't ever plan to be ready for a party," I said bitterly. Pinkie smirked and sauntered up to me.
"Are you sure? Fluttershy will be there," she said pointedly. Her eyebrows raised as she said 'Fluttershy'. My eyes widened. A chance to actually meet that beautiful mare for more than an instant? My heart rate had increased exponentially. I almost asked my brain to send it a signal to not break out of my ribcage. I took a big gulp of air.
"Ugh. Fine. I'll go to your party, but I won't enjoy it!" I said. I totally would enjoy it, however, if I could get a word or two out of Fluttershy. BOOM! Confetti and streamers. Everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I took cover behind my new bed, terrified at the huge sound.
"Pinkie," called Mrs. Cake from downstairs, "no party cannon for poor ponies who don't expect it!"
Pinkie looked at me expectantly. I quivered behind my bed, hooves over my ears. I was so NOT cleaning up all of that confetti. I slowly opened my eyes... coming nose-to-nose with a gigantic pink face. It only looked gigantic though, considering how close Pinkie's face was to mine. She had no concept of personal space.
"Pinkie! Stop doing that! Stop being so close to me, I don't like it!" I yelled. She stepped back a little, still grinning like a maniac.
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" was all I got in reply as the party pony rushed downstairs to prepare the Corner for the party I was reluctantly attending. Ok... half-way reluctantly. Whatever! Don't look at me that way! I decided to break in my new bed, so I brushed off the confetti I was so not cleaning up and tried to take a well deserved nap. My rest was short lived, however, as a small shift beneath my covers woke me up.
"What in Equestria is it now?" I asked myself... or so I thought it was just me I was asking.
"It's me, Pinkie!" shouted my bed. I screamed and jumped out of the bed, pinning myself to the corner across the room.
"Pinkie! Knock. It. OFF!" I yelled.
"Wow! You got over there faster than Dashie could!" Dashie? I thought. My eyes widened as I realized something. That pegasus earlier today that scared me in a way that only a rainbow pegasus cou-... Rainbow. Dashie. Rainbow Dash. I KNEW THAT PEGASUS FROM SOMEWHERE.
"Please Pinkie... tell me that THE Rainbow Dash isn't coming to this party!" I asked, shaking in fear.
"Dashie is super duper definitely coming to your party! Why? Got a crush on her, too?" Pinkie asked me intrudingly. I shuddered, shaking my head as I did so. Oh Celestia... definitely not!
"So tell me, Pinkie... why were you in my bed? More importantly, how were you in my bed?" I questioned. My mind halted. An explanation from Pinkie about how she did things. No thanks.
"On second thought, never mind. Anyways, what do you want?" I stated. It came out a bit more sourly than I'd hoped, but Pinkie didn't seem to notice.
"I came to say that your party is in two hours! Be ready for it," she yelled as she left the room... Until she came out from under my bed, "AND DON'T FORGET!!! Fluttershy..."
The name 'Fluttershy' was again said in a more sultry tone. I snorted and walked toward the mirror. My mane was alarmingly disheveled from my nap, much to my disappointment. Unlike the semi-famous Rainbow Dash, my carefree manestyle actually took more care than it should. I ran a brush through it with my utterly useless magic, and tossed it aside when I was done. This room would be messy in a week.
***
With my mane 'carelessly' styled, I looked at the clock. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes to style my mane. What's wrong with me? I thought. I started to come up with a mental list of my misfortunes and shortcomings, but I stopped when I realized it was only making me sad. If I have to go to a party, I might as well be happy for it.
I mean, at least somepony had the selflessness to throw a nice party together for him. That had never happened before in Manehatten. In Manehatten, he was a nopony, nopony else cared about him or what he did. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, a bulging pair of blue eyes was staring at me. I sighed. I had just about gotten used to Pinkie's antics, much against the opinion of one Rainbow Dash. I shuddered. Rainbow Dash still scared me.
"It's time for your PARTY! Come on, Charmie! Fluttershy's here!" Pinkie said, again in an attracting tone. I was getting frustrated with the whole 'Fluttershy' ordeal. Can't she just forget about it? Of course not, she was Pinkie Pie. I decided that instead of getting all over her with my anger, I would just go and drink punch and eat cake until I passed out.
I followed Pinkie down the stairs into the eating area of the bakery, and it looked completely different. Streamers, balloons, cake, ice cream, cupcakes, banners saying "Welcome to Ponyville, Charmie", all of those plus more were in their respective places in the bakery. I legitimately felt like this would be a nice party.
No loud music. One positive. No screaming ponies, excluding Pinkie. Two positives. I looked over my shoulder. Fluttershy. Three positives. This party was looking like a pretty good time, that is, until Rainbow Dash showed up.
"Dashie! I'm super duper happy you made it!" screeched Pinkie. Dash flew over to her lazily. She looked as if she'd just gotten up from a nap. Wouldn't surprise me considering what I'd heard about the stunt-pony. She slowly made her way through the crowd over to me.
"Watch your muzzle, Charm-Boy," she hissed. As she flew off, I felt a reassuring hoof on my shoulder.
"Ah, ferget her, sugarcube! You jus' go on and have a good time at yer party," said Applejack, "jest don't try hittin' on Rainbow."
I nodded. I wasn't exactly planning on hitting on anyone but Fluttershy. My only problem was that when I wanted charm, I usually just got a slow dribble of stupidity coming from my lips. I got a glass of punch and downed it in one swallow. I pictured my nerves going with it and walked up to Fluttershy.
"Hey there! I didn't get the c-" my sentence was cut off as I heard a familiar voice.
"Alright everypony! Let's get this party GOING!" Pinkie Pie threw a huge switch. After a couple seconds, the counter of Sugarcube Corner flipped over to reveal a DJ Booth full of none other than DJ PON-3. As the dance music kicked in, I realized something.
Loud music. One negative. Screaming ponies. Two negatives. The floor in front of me was empty, a pink tail running through the door. No more Fluttershy. Three negatives.
"Pinkie! PINKIE!" I shouted over the music.
"Yeah Charmie? What's up!?" screamed the dancing party pony.
"I don't want to be here anymore! I want to go to sleep!" I fought a noise battle with the music, the latter was easily kicking the flank of the former.
"What?" she replied.
"I want to go to sleep!" I yelled again.
"What???" she repeated. Frustrated, I flipped the switch that Pinkie had used, returning the DJ Booth and a very unhappy DJ PON-3 to their quiet place under the counter.
"Look, Pinkie. I've been very patient with you, and I didn't want to have to say this, but apparently it's a requirement to make sure you understand this. I hate parties. I hate loud music. I hate dancing," I said slowly.
"You hate my parties?" squeaked Pinkie. Her mane was getting droopy, but I didn't care. I kept on with my explanation.
"Yes, yes I do. I hate your parties, I hate your music, and most importantly, I hate you, Pinkie Pie," I finished. Tears welled up in her eyes as her mane straightened and got a few shades darker. Her lower lip trembled and the tears forming in her eyes dropped. They then proceeded to flow slowly as she ran out of the bakery crying.
I felt a hard smack across my flank.
"Now, what'd ya'll do that fer? Pinkie hasn't been nothin' but nice to ya and this is how ya go about thankin' 'er? Where were you raised that it's just plain dandy to do that to anypony? I oughtta buck your lips off!" scolded Applejack.
"Oughtta? I'll do it right now!" yelled a very Rainbow-esque voice. SMACK! and everything went dark.