//------------------------------// // II: User Interface // Story: Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut // by Hooves Like Jagger //------------------------------// Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut Author: HoovesLikeJagger Chapter II ____________________ Big Lugnut walked down the dusty road all by his lonesome. Being spurned by the first pony he encountered was not what he had been counting on. Still, he didn't feel like associating with anypony who would be so rude to a stranger. He couldn't believe the nerve that mare had. Calling him a robot, claiming he had no parents, and then claiming he tried to destroy her property! What kind of pony would do that? Her words continued to bother him because, try as he might, Lugnut's mind was a blank slate. He knew only a few things for certain: 1. His full name was Big Lugnut. 2. He is a stallion. 3. The phrase "Need somethin' pard'ner" was rattling around his brain. Everything else he could think of was common sense like "grass is green", "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down", or "don't wear white after Labor Day". What he was doing previous to laying in the middle of the ranch was completely gone. No knowledge of friends, family, or even enemies. While it bothered him, he felt strangely calm. He wondered if he had perhaps been incredibly worried beforehand, but now that he couldn't remember what he was worried about the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. Whoever Lugnut was before, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't that Lugnut anymore. He was a new stallion! He was Big Lugnut v2.0! "Get outta the way!" Big Lugnut turned his neck around to see where the high-pitched voice was coming from instead of heeding to its warning. A small filly astride a scooter suddenly ran straight into his hind leg. There was a loud thunk before the scooter, the rider, the wagon trailing behind it, and the other small fillies within it all tumbled over onto the ground. "My apologies." Lugnut held out a hoof to help the orange pegasus filly up. She was about to take his hoof, but when her eyes looked up and met his she quickly retracted her leg. "Robot!" the filly screamed. The other two fillies gathered themselves up and looked up at Big Lugnut to confirm their friend's cry of anguish. Both the little white unicorn and the small, yellow earth pony took to screaming. Instead of running away though, they began running circles around Big Lugnut. Unable to formulate a response, Lugnut just watched the fillies circle around him. It was a good minute of high-pitched terror before the earth pony stopped and looked up at him. "Hey, I know you!" She pointed an accusing hoof at Lugnut. "Yer that robot that Flim 'n Flam were havin' Applejack compete against!" The other two fillies also stopped screaming and looked up at Big Lugnut. "Excuse me young filly," Big Lugnut started. This time, he decided, he should go the extra mile to make sure these fillies didn't want to slam a door in his face and tell him to get lost. "But I am not a robot and I did not compete against anypony named Applejack, at least not to my knowledge," Lugnut assured her. The earth pony gave him a funny look. She cocked her head, making her red mane and large pink bow sway. "Yer sure yer not a robot?" she asked. Big Lugnut's neck whirred loudly as he nodded vigorously. The young filly smiled. "Mah mistake then! I guess yer right. Applejack said the robot that came this mornin' 'sploded anyway. I was inside when it happened, but land sakes!" The filly turned to her friends. "You shoulda seen that robot jerkin' around and flashin'!" The statement garnered some oohs and aahs from the other two fillies. "So if you're not a robot, who and what are you?" the white unicorn asked. "My name is Big Lugnut, and I am a pony like you," he explained. The orange pegasus rubbed her violet mane, her eyes giving him a look like she didn't quite buy it. "You don't look like a pony just like us," she contested. Big Lugnut craned his neck down and looked her in the eyes. "Not everypony is exactly the same," he countered. The pegasus considered this for a moment, before smiling and nodding. "Well, in that case," the yellow earth pony broke in, "Allow us to introduce ourselves! I'm Applebloom!" "I'm Sweetie Belle!" the white unicorn chimed in. "I'm Scootaloo!" The pegasus flapped her diminutive wings a bit. "And we're..." Big Lugnut listened as all three crouched down in unison. "THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!" All three sounded off the name of their organization in a brilliant cacophony while jumping in the air to flair their red capes. All three landed and looked up at Big Lugnut expectantly. He stood in silence, processing something as the gears in his head turned. "I know what a crusader is, but what is a cutie mark?" All three fillies faces were instantly robbed of energy. "I assume the identity of a cutie mark is common knowledge then?" "A'course it is! You've even got one yerself!" Applebloom pointed a hoof at her featureless hindquarter. Big Lugnut turned his head and looked at his own hindquarter. There was something there. He turned back to the crusaders. "What is the significance of this mark?" "It appears when you discover your special talent!" Sweetie Belle explained, moving with the rest of the crew over to get a better look at the piece of hardware pictured on Big Lugnut's rear end. "I don't even know what your cutie mark is." Scootaloo turned her head, examining the image from different angles. Big Lugnut examined it as well. The four stood in silence, contemplating the meaning behind the marking. It was a full minute before Big Lugnut spoke up. "My special talent is hexagons!" he exclaimed. All three crusaders gasped. All three of them had astonishingly come to the same conclusion. "You can get a cutie mark for that?" Scootaloo panicked. "Miss Cheerilee was talkin' all 'bout shapes just yesterday at school!" Applebloom recalled in horror. "We should have paid attention! Our special talents could have been squares, dodecahedrons, even circles!" Sweetie Belle chipped in. Big Lugnut could tell their spirits were sinking. If he had known having a talent in hexagons would hit such a sensitive spot, he would have gone with his second guess: aromatic rings. "I'm sure your talents are elsewhere... like in... like in," Big Lugnut's eyes fell upon the scooter. "Racing?" "Racing?!" all three crusaders realized in unison. They looked at each other, mouths agape as they wondered why they hadn't thought of that. "We gotta try that!" Scootaloo declared, trotting over to her scooter and righting it. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle put the wagon back on its wheels and hopped in. All three donned their helmets. "Hey mister, you should race us! That way when we win, we can earn our cutie marks!" Sweetie Belle issued the challenge. "Is it truly that simple?" Big Lugnut asked, moving to the starting line next to the crusaders. "Only one way to find out!" Scootaloo started flapping her wings. "First one to the fountain in the middle of the square wins!" "The fountain where?" Big Lugnut asked. "Just head down this road until you reach a fountain. You can't miss it!" Scootaloo clarified. "Very well." Big Lugnut nearly asked what a fountain was, but he suddenly remembered. It's like a pool, but you don't swim it in because birds bathe there. "On your marks!" Big Lugnut braced himself, ready to gallop. He wasn't really too serious about this. If these fillies wanted their cutie marks so bad, he should go easy on them and make sure they win. "Get set!" He second guessed his decision. If he gave them a false victory, whatever law of nature that governed these cutie marks might not bestow the mark upon these fillies. "Not yet!" Just to be safe, Lugnut decided to go all out. Besides, all he had were his four hooves while they had a scooter. They would probably win. "Go!" Big Lugnut left the CMC in a cloud of dust as he thundered down the road on his metal hooves. ___________________ It was a peaceful afternoon in Ponyville square. The idle chatter of the townsponies and the clacking of hooves on the cobbled stones of the little town's streets were the only sounds that permeated the air. All around where little houses with thatched roofs, brick and stucco walls, and happy ponies in the doorways. Vendors called to ponies from behind their stalls and in front of their carts. The smell of baked goods and fresh produce wafted from every corner. The scene was so peaceful, it was just asking for the ensuing disaster. In a single gust of wind, a large, dark stallion trailed by a cloud of dust suddenly appeared in the center of the square. He jumped upon the edge of the fountain and kicked his forelegs in the air, his purple eyes glowing fiercely as he cried in an unholy voice: "I have arrived! Observe my superior power and admit your defeat!" The peaceful afternoon in Ponyville square was torn asunder. Everypony in the square screamed at the top of their lungs and ran in all different directions. Ponies shut their shutters, barred up their bars, and fortified their fortifications. Ponies who didn't make it inside ran down the streets shouting "Robot Overlord! Run for your lives!" or something to that effect. It still smelled like baked goods and fresh produce, but no one had time to stop and appreciate that fact in their panic. The square was suddenly peaceful again, but now its only occupant was the lonely Big Lugnut. He looked about in confusion. "Was it... something I said?" he asked the air. He thought that he had probably taken his victory celebration a little too far. He hopped down from his perch and spun his head around. The previously inhabited square was completely empty. Save for one pony who suddenly appeared when his head finally made a full rotation. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pink pony introduced herself. "I've never seen you before! That means you're new here because I know everypony in Ponyville so if I don't know you it means you've never been to Ponyville! Could you do me a favor?" "I... I guess," Lugnut responded as the pink pony beamed brightly. This was the first time someone had talked to him without calling him a robot. "Could you teach me how to spin my head around like that? You see, I can already get it all the way around, but when I get there I have to turn it all the way back." Pinkie demonstrated this fact by spinning her head around and letting it unwind. "But you can turn your neck all the way around and I knew it was possible even though Twilight said 'It's not possible Pinkie' but I said 'It has to be possible! Owls can do it! Owlowiscious can do it!' but Twilight said 'Have you ever seen a pony do it' and I had to tell her I hadn't because I hadn't but I just saw you do it so it must be possible! So you have to tell me how to do it!" Pinkie and Big Lugnut were now eye to eye. Big Lugnut backed off and considered it for a moment. He wasn't exactly sure how he did it, but he did do it. It dawned on him like a ton of bricks why it was possible though. Previous events in the day explained it perfectly. It was hard to believe, but there was probably something to it. He looked Pinkie in the eye, ready to reveal the fact that had been staring him in the face all day. "Because... hexagons." "Hexagons?" Pinkie questioned. Lugnut's neck whirred as he slowly nodded in confirmation. "Hexagons," he plainly stated. Pinkie Pie ruminated over this. "Okay!" It all made sense in Pinkie's head. Seriously, it makes perfect sense there. "Hey, you know what? Since you're new here and don't know anypony, I'm gonna throw you a great big-" Big Lugnut was left to wonder exactly what large object this pony was planning to hurtle as a streak of cyan swooped her up and disappeared into the distance. Lugnut just stood there dumbfounded and alone again. The streak of cyan reappeared in the sky. It appeared to be heading right towards Lugnut. On closer inspection, it was a rainbow maned pegasus flying at quite an impressive speed headed right towards- *thunk* The world spun around as the pegasus nailed Big Lugnut right on the nose and literally made his head spin. Lugnut stopped it and quickly turned to look at the pony that had just assaulted him and then flown off somewhere behind him. "What's the big idea?" he asked. The answer came in the form of another high-speed sock to the jaw. The pony looped around in quite the deft maneuver and hovered just above Lugnut's head. He halted his head's rotation again and looked up at the airborne mare. "No robot overlord is gonna take over Equestria or Ponyville on my watch!" the pegasus declared. "I'm not a robot, let alone a robot overlord!" Lugnut protested. The pegasus moved to disagree, but Pinkie Pie suddenly emerged from the waters of the fountain. How she got there, Lugnut did not know. "Silly Rainbow Dash, he's not a robot overlord!" she defended him. "What makes you so sure?" Rainbow Dash questioned. "Well duh," Pinkie started, "If he was a robot overlord my Pinkie Sense would have told me, Dashie." This single statement dispelled the unease of everyone within earshot. Windows and doors flew open as curious ponies poured out into the street. Big Lugnut didn't know what a Pinkie Sense was, but the next time someone called him a robot he knew what to say. Rainbow Dash flew down and landed next to Big Lugnut as a curious crowd formed around him. The looks of terror were replaced by intrigued smiles and inquiring looks. "Oh, then I guess he's just a normal robot?" Dash questioned. Pinkie just shrugged. "There is no Pinkie sense for normal robots," she admitted. "I am not a robot," Big Lugnut put simply. The crowd instantly reacted to this. "Did you hear that? He sounds like a robot!" "Look at that shiny metal body!" "That's amazing! I didn't know Equestria had such advanced technology!" Two ponies trotted up to Lugnut, or rather, one pony pushed another pony up to Lugnut. The pusher was a blonde maned pegasus and the pushee was a walnut earth pony colt with an hourglass on his flank. "Hello there robot!" the pegasus addressed Lugnut, looking at him with a wall-eyed expression. The other pony looked uncomfortable. "This is the Doctor, he knows all about robots and stuff like that!" she claimed. "I'm not a robot," Lugnut insisted. The Doctor turned around and pushed the pegasus back into the crowd with him, chiding her as they went. "We went over this Derpy: my degree is in optometry..." "Are you absolutely sure you're not a robot?" somepony shouted from the crowd. The entire crowd began yelling similar things. Big Lugnut stepped back up on the fountain and raised a hoof to silence the crowd. He waited until they were quiet to start. "Listen up everypony! My name is Big Lugnut, and I am a pony just like you! Do I look like a robot?" he asked. The crowd was silent, not for lack of an answer though. Somepony finally managed to yell: "Yes!". "Oh... okay." Big Lugnut didn't expect that response, but he continued nonetheless. "But I'm not!" The crowd started murmuring again. He couldn't make out what they were saying exactly, but it sounded like a positive response. Before anypony could ask anything else, Pinkie Pie took control of the situation. "This calls for a celebration! Let's have a party to welcome Big Lugnut right here in the square!" ___________________ "Somepony new in town? Well, today's sure turnin' out tah be int'restin'," Applejack painfully chuckled. It has mostly been a nightmare for her. First Flim and Flam showed up and then that weird robot came back. After talking to him she didn't much feel like going down into Ponyville, so she did some work and took a nap. It was relaxing, but she didn't think she could pull it off every day like Rainbow Dash. She and Twilight walked down the dimly lit road to Ponyville, the sun just now setting before them. Despite that, Applejack could see the square was lit up brightly. "I asked Pinkie who it was, but she just said it was a 'surprise," Twilight explained. "Based on the size of the party though, it must be somepony important..." "Applejack! Applejack!" Applebloom suddenly appeared on the road. "Applebloom! What's goin' on sugarcube?" Applejack ruffled her sister's hair with a hoof. Applebloom giggled and brushed it off. She sidled up to her big sister as they walked into town. "I was jus' comin' to git you sis! You gotta meet mah new friend! He's the fastest dern pony I've ever seen!" Applebloom mused. "He's fast? Is that why thar's so much hubbub about 'im?" Applejack asked. "I don't think so. I think it's because... well," Applebloom trailed off and gestured for Applejack to lean down close. Applejack complied and Applebloom whispered in her ear, "He's a robot..." "He's a what?!" Applejack stopped dead in her tracks. "I know what yer thinkin' sis, but it ain't the robot from this mornin'. It cain't be on account of that robot 'sploded!" "Applebloom! When you asked 'Did the robot explode?' I said, 'I wish he had!" Applejack corrected her. "I can't believe everypony is out throwin' a party for 'im now!" "Well, everypony was afraid of 'im at first, but he kept sayin' he weren't a robot so we all figured we'd play along! He's kinda weird, but he ain't dangerous or nothin'," Applebloom explained. Applejack didn't look pleased at all. She galloped off towards the party, leaving her sister and Twilight in behind her. The party was really going full swing. It looked more like a festival than a party. Vendors had their stalls set up and the pegasi had strewn lights and decorations over the square, which was packed flank to flank with ponies that spilled out into the side streets. Even in the extremities, the party was rocking. Upbeat music filled the air and ponies danced where there was room to. Applejack weaved her way through the ponies, looking for one made of metal. He wasn't terribly hard to find. She just had to follow a particular chant: "Lugnut! Lugnut! Lugnut! Lugnut!" She found him in the midst of what appeared to be an intense hoof wrestling competition. Lugnut was up against a white pegasus rippling with so many muscles he looked more like a freak of nature than Lugnut did. The pegasus was sweating profusely, barely managing to keep the back of his hoof off the table the two were poised over. Applejack noted two broken and discarded tables off to the side of the crowd that had formed around the match. The crowd erupted in cheers as Lugnut finished his opponent off. Even his opponent let out an enthusiastic "Yeah!" in response to his defeat. Lugnut raised his hooves, riling up the crowd even more. If Applejack was a kettle, she would have boiled over in anger. "What in tarnation is goin' on here?" The group around Lugnut fell silent and turned to Applejack. Their uneasiness quickly disappeared though. "It's Applejack! No one can beat her in Hoofwrestling!" "Take on the champ Lugnut!" "Show him who's boss Applejack!" Applejack's face didn't move from one of disgust, but much to the crowd's pleasure she walked up to the table and took a seat. She glared at Big Lugnut, who squirmed nervously in his chair. "So... you're Applejack? Applebloom told me about your robot woes." Big Lugnut tried to be courteous. "Save it! Mind explainin' yerself?" "What's there to explain?" "Just what did Flim and Flam tell you to do? Brainwash all of Ponyville so they could come in and take over?" Applejack prodded. "No, these Flim and Flam characters gave me no instructions. I haven't met them, honestly!" "You're lyin'! They created you! I know yer up to somethin'!" "Are you two gonna hoofwrestle or what?" somepony in the crowd shouted. The rest of the crowd followed along, egging on the two ponies. Applejack placed her front leg on the table, hoof extended. Lugnut took her hoof in his. He noticed how small it was compared to his. "Go!" someone in the crowd shouted. Instantly, everyone started shouting words of encouragement for either side. The two contenders hadn't started yet, but continued their conversation. "I was not created! Look, I'm having a bit of a crisis right now!" "Riiiiight... havin' a huge party is havin' a crisis..." "Look! It was somepony else's idea, not mine! A pony named Pinkie Pie, who by the ways says her Pinkie Sense tells her I am indeed not a robot overlord!" "That don't change the fact that ya are a robot!" "Drop it! Look, I haven't told anypony the story yet, but I'll explain myself if you just give me a chance!" "Nothin' doin' Lugnut! I won't listen to none of yer lies!" "If I win this hoofwrestling match, you have to agree to hear me out!" Lugnut pleaded. He had initially thought everypony would be as bullheaded as Applejack on the robot matter, but that didn't turn out to be the case. Once he told them calmly he wasn't a robot, they dropped the issue. He wanted Applejack to drop this issue as well. "Fine!" Applejack agreed, "I beat you once already, so a second time will be easy!" she began pushing against Lugnut's hoof. She was suddenly reminded of earlier events. More specifically, she remembered trying to stop Lugnut's advance on her home with a swift kick. Lugnut didn't yield one bit, no matter how hard Applejack pushed. Instead, she found Lugnut gently lowering her own hoof to the table. She didn't have to wonder why he was going so slow, based on the two broken tables that had been cast aside. She could only hope nopony got hurt as a result. The crowd went absolutely bonkers as Applejack's hoof hit the table. General hooting, hollering, and celebrating ensued. Applejack didn't feel too bad about losing to a robot, especially since all it meant was she had to sit and listen for a short moment so the automated pony could lie to her some more. Lugnut got up and gestured for Applejack to follow him. Applejack sighed, got up, and did so. They went out and away from the party, down a road that was... somewhat deserted. Applejack watched the ponies around her, the vast majority of them pairs of colts and mares, wander off to do Celestia knows what. "Now, where exactly do you think yer takin' me?" Applejack questioned. Even if Lugnut was a robot, he was still a stallion. Applejack had no way of knowing what went on in that head of his. "Someplace we can be alone," Lugnut nearly confirmed her fears, before adding, "I don't want anypony else to hear what I'm gonna tell you." "Ya gonna confess to bein' a robot?" Lugnut turned his head all the way around and looked at her as he walked forward. "No, not at all," he groaned. "If yer not a robot, how come you kin do that with yer neck?" Applejack inquired. "Hexagons." "Say what now?" "Because hexagons," Lugnut stated, adjusting his gaze to his cutie mark before turning forward again. "Don't use yer fancy math-uh-matics to muddy the issue!" Big Lugnut's silence didn't allow Applejack to pursue the issue any further. Looking around, Applejack recognized where they were. "This should be good right here," Big Lugnut declared, peering around and coming to a stop. Applejack knew exactly where she was; just in front of her was Fluttershy's Cottage. The quaint little house blended in perfectly with the nature around it. One might mistake it as the warren for a very fancy rabbit hole. Applejack took some comfort in the fact that she wasn't too far from a friend, but then again Fluttershy could be over at the party in the square. Applejack didn't have time to worry about that, as Big Lugnut began talking. "So you remember me coming up to your door and knocking, right?" "Uh... yeah. Why?" "Well, before that I was chasing after some machine, but gave up on trying to talk to the ponies driving it. The very first memory I have is being on your farm laying on my side. I haven't told anypony this, but I can't remember who I am!" Lugnut explained. Applejack cocked her head and crinkled her mouth up. "You mean, you don't remember what happened before that?" "Exactly! Since I woke up on your farm, I was hoping you could shed some light on the situation!" "Well of course I can hon!" Applejack smiled. "Please do!" Big Lugnut was happy to finally catch a break with Applejack. "Well, Flim and Flam drove your metallic flank onto mah property at the earliest 'our of the mornin' they could manage and told me that if I didn't outbuck yer rusted legs they'd take over mah farm. So I outbucked yer gear-jugglin' flank, but then they made yer robotic fanny attack mah farmhouse. Luckily mah friend Twi zapped yeh with her magic and stopped yeh. You did some weird stuff and I thought you were gonna explode, so I hit the deck. Next thing I know, yer up and about and chasin' after the Flim Flam brother's vehicle thing." Big Lugnut ran out of patience. "I'm serious! Drop the whole robot thing!" Big Lugnut groaned. "Now look here! I know yer a robot and I know yer up to somethin'!" Applejack asserted. "If you don't want to help me, just say so!" "I don't wanna help you!" Applejack yelled. The two stared each other down. It would be a long, quiet, and awkward walk back to the party for both of them. ____________________ Somewhere in all the excitement of the party, Cabernet and his father Bacchus had rolled out some large barrels of wine along with several crates of bottles. Nopony was taking excessive advantage of the free-flowing, fragrant beverage, save for one violet pony who had arrived inebriated, but those who did partake were feeling much more relaxed. "Darling, I simply can't believe you've never had fine wine before!" Rarity mused, levitating her glass to her lips and taking a dainty sip. With just a bit of sweet-talking, Rarity had convinced the already loosened up Cabernet to part with a bottle of his father's famous Pinot Noir. Of course, enjoying such a fine wine by oneself is completely out of the question. Luckily, Rarity spotted a certain butter colored pegasus meekly wandering the crowd. "Oh... I've never had a strong taste for alcohol," Fluttershy meekly admitted, nervously swirling her glass to try and post-pone her first sip. "Oh darling, we are big mares and it is our duty and our right to enjoy the finer points of liquor," Rarity explained, taking yet another dignified sip. "And I can barely think of anything finer than a glass of Pinot Noir. You should count yourself lucky Fluttershy, a bottle of this particular wine is terribly expensive. Go ahead, take a sip!" "What're you two doing?" A cyan figure suddenly fell upon them from above. Rainbow Dash took note of the bottle and the glasses and snorted derisively. "You two drinking wine over here? I wish we had some real drinks, like cider!" "Puh-leese Rainbow Dash, have you even ever tried wine?" Rarity stuck her nose up. Without waiting for an answer, she lifted the bottle with her magic and poured some of the crimson liquor into an empty glass. She levitated the glass and put it before Rainbow Dash, who didn't even grace it with a glance. "Now you both simply must try at least one sip! It will simply ruin all other wine for you. They say drinking this particular Pinot Noir is just like falling in love." Rarity took another sip, obviously enjoying herself. Fluttershy blushed at the prospect of falling in love while Rainbow Dash leaned over and smelled the liquor. It was hypnotically sweet. "Falling in love, huh?" Rainbow Dash scoffed. "From what I hear about falling in love, I don't know if I want that sensation on my tongue." "Well, in that case." Rarity's eyes flashed deviously. "Others have gone so far as to say it's sex in a glass." Fluttershy blushed even more profusely. Rainbow Dash perked up an interested eyebrow. She picked up her glass and took a less than dainty gulp. "Whoa, that is pretty good!" Rarity's eyes lit up with her success. "I guess I owe you an apology, Rarity!" Rainbow Dash took another drink, savoring the taste a bit more. Encouraged by Rainbow Dash's change of heart, Fluttershy took an even daintier sip that Rarity could manage. "Oh my," her eyes lit up and her face went red. It wasn't just good, it was really good. She continued drinking, tiny sips at a time. Rainbow Dash killed her glass and held out expectantly. "Now darling, I appreciate your adventurous attitude towards this," Rarity chuckled. "But you have to be careful." "Aw c'mon!" Rainbow Dash laughed, "I can handle it! What's the worst that could happen?"