Fallout: Equestria - Change

by MetalGearSamus

Chapter 11: Freedom

I made my way through the facility, killing every pony I found. There was only one other guard. The rest were hapless workers and scientist types. As I spilled their blood, memories of the past flowed into me.

The war had killed us. Love became more difficult to find as the world grew hateful and mean, and ponies developed technology to sense us through our disguises. First they were cumbersome detectors as wide as hallways. Those only stopped us once, then we learned. But they grew smaller, more clever in their design. As soon as we outsmarted the latest model another came along. Finally they were put into PipBucks, and most ponies could see right through us. We lived off of scraps on Equestria's outskirts until even those were gone. We did not taste the fires of the apocalypse, but it made little difference. We started to die. Our Queen tried to fix the world, but we failed. We were captured by pegasi before we could find all of the crystals shards. We were taken here, to this facility, probed and studied by ponies like the one whose head I had just torn off. Our Queen was patient, and she planned an escape. A dozen of us, all that remained of her hive, broke out. I was the only one to survive.

I remembered it now, my final moments: I was laying on the cliff side; shot down; bleeding in more places than I could count. I remembered Maggy dragging me into the cave. I remembered the pegasi coming for us. She could have saved herself. She could have gone away, found love maybe, formed her own hive... but she saved me. She had not been thinking then, I knew. She only acted. She killed the pegasi, and used the remainder of her energy to revive me in that cocoon...

I would have to go back to that cave some day. When I was first born there, all the bodies looked like ponies to me, but I must have overlooked hers. I must have. I had felt her die. I felt her mind slip away into incoherence, then nothing. I remembered that now.

I realized I was screaming. Sobbing. Three bodies were strewn across the room, and the chamber in which my Queen was kept was before me. The memories hurt like nothing else. I had lost everything. My hive. My queen. My self. Though the facts and a few glimmering visions of my past had presented themselves, I knew I could never really go back to who I had been before. I had lost too much.

No, my child. You are mine, as always. You are my worker. My hive. Now free me. Free me and we will feed. We will reform this world, and feed.

“Yes, my Queen,” I said. The chamber door was heavy. I shoved it open using my whole body and what little telekinesis I could muster. I panted with the effort, but I stepped inside, successful.

We will feed...

The world seemed to stop. In my mind, I could see my Queen, black and beautiful, the green fire of her magic illuminating the room; but the sight before my eyes was nothing like that image. There was no fire, no body, only a room full of machines and a mockery of Chrysalis. Her face was gone, the skin and muscle peeled back leaving only an empty skull. Her brain floated in a small tank on the floor below her chest, tubes and wires plugged in, feeding her food and lies about what they had done to her body. Her torso had been split open, organs still wet and functioning. More tubes and sacks snaked through her guts, keeping them wet and fed. More monitoring wires stretched out from machines that hummed faintly and gave off an occasional beep. Her skeleton was all that remained of her left side, but her right still had all its muscle, no doubt kept alive through some wretched magic. Her back and hooves were flayed to show off all the layers of her epidermis. Her wings were pinned against the far wall, one split into pieces to emphasize their construction.

I saw her heart still beating in her chest, slow and steady.

I could not think. I could only hear my Queen scream in utter despair. This was as much a revelation for her as it was for me; all this time she had lived a delusion, believing she was only captured and questioned. She could still feel the cool steel floor of her cage. Still see the bars before her. Still smell the chemical sterility. I found myself shaking.

THEY SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME

This was beyond cruel. Chrysalis had been unmade; taken apart, piece by piece, just to see how she worked. Had they done this to my siblings? Had they kept them alive like this?

THEY SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME

I screamed along with her, that one phrase echoing out among all the incoherent anguish.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME. WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST KILL ME?”

But they were all dead. I could still taste their blood and smell their fear. I had killed every last one of them. It was not enough. Nothing would ever be enough.

Kill... you...

The abomination was here. I could sense her stepping through the carnage I’d left in my wake. I felt nothing as she approached. My Queen, unable to truly express her grief—unable even to cry—had gone silent. A slow ooze of despair was all I sensed from her. It was all I felt.

I will squash you, bug...

I looked away from my Queen’s dissected form, at the last hallway I had come through. The abomination was close. Her vessel was almost in sight.

Vessel...

A spark, not of hope, just of the notion of any future at all. I felt my Queen’s thoughts coalesce into a plan. The abomination had a hivemind, but it was the construct of a child. I had almost lost my mind in that maelstrom—

Perhaps I could lose my mind as well...

There you are!

I let my Queen guide me. I did not move, but I opened my mind. I let the vast chasm of the abomination’s hive open up in front of me. Before the alicorn could react, my Queen untethered herself from her prison; the structure that housed her hive collapsing. Voids were on all sides of me now, and I began to fall in every direction at once. My Queen crashed into the mind of the abomination’s vessel. A struggle ensued, one I could not fully comprehend as I fought to keep my thoughts together, but suddenly I found myself on solid ground. My mental channels were closed and back under my control. My Queen had been successful. A glimmer of hope shone through her despair.

“I... I am free,” she spoke, but I could no longer hear her in my mind. My feelings from her grew distant. I frowned. It felt as if I were waking up from a long nap. Chrysalis gasped. “Oh no...”

“My... Queen?” I asked. It felt strange to need to say the words.

“This body is... unstable. The abomination cannot reach me, but it seems her magic was sustaining this form somehow. Or she sabotaged it. Already, I can feel myself diminishing. I will have to find another body such as this one... eventually.”

“Oh... what happened to the vessel’s mind?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh...”

Silence hung between us. I found myself staring at the alicorn, still somewhat in disbelief. Chrysalis stood still, her gaze locked on her original, butchered body.

“They should have killed me...” she muttered. Her voice was alien, almost synthetic, like I was hearing a machine speak. She began weeping, and then turned to leave. I followed. Listening to her made me cry as well.

As we walked back through the facility, I realized the magnitude of what I had done. Over two dozen corpses littered the place, many of which were not whole. Walls and computer screens were bathed in blood, and my body was now a dark brownish red. I felt grime and gore over every inch of skin and shell, and a deep exhaustion in my body. I followed Chrysalis as she searched the facility. There was nothing left of us here. The prisons were empty, and all my siblings were dead. Chrysalis had known that, at least, for a long time.

“What are we looking for, then?” I asked.

“The crystals,” she replied dejectedly.

Finally, we reached a storage room. Chrysalis tore the door down with a blast of her magic and stepped inside. She returned with a lockbox. Opening it, she showed me what I knew would be there: the crystal shards. Glittering, shattered rocks of irregular size and shape. Some had smooth sides, but most were rugged and broken. The gems were tinted dark, yet they pulsed with an unnatural light.

“They will remake the world,” I said, quoting her from memory.

“I thought that once, but we could not find them all in time. Now we... you are all that is left of us...” A sob. The box crashed to the ground. “Why—why didn’t they just kill me?” Deep sadness filled me. I could not share her pain, or comfort her. The connection between us was gone. For the first time, we were both alone.

“If they can remake the world, can they remake you?” I asked. Chrysalis stopped shaking.

“The magic... I do not know. Maybe. The Crystal Heart carried a potent magic. It was almost like an ancient megaspell, but it affects the land of Equestria, not ponies. It is supposed to restore hope and love. I never heard of it being used for anything else.”

“Crystal Heart?” The words were familiar, but their meaning had faded.

“These shards are all that is left of it.” Chrysalis explained. “It is an ancient, magical pony artifact. It was broken long ago, but after the war ended, it was our last hope at restoring love to the world. Have you forgotten already?”

“I... remember looking. We scoured the land. We found many pieces in museums and private collections. And I remember that the Heart only works in the Crystal Empire.”

“Yes. But we are still missing pieces.” Chrysalis scooped up the lockbox in her magic. “I do not know if this can heal me, but if nothing else I can give you a future, my child. I can give you a whole land on which to feast. Power enough to destroy these monsters!” As she spoke I was surprised to feel a rush of passion. Love for me and a hint of her rage toward the pegasi. I drank the love ravenously. My hunger had been forgotten under the recent barrage of my own emotions, but once I had a taste it renewed itself.

“I... I can feed...” I gasped.

“Yes, you will feed. I will give you all of them.”

“N-no, I... I can feed from you. I can taste your love!” I was ecstatic.

“You... this body... I...” I felt her love blossom. She fell to the floor and held me in her arms. She was crying again. I hugged her back, feeling the torrent of emotion flowing through her mind, and drinking freely from the love that overwhelmed it all. “Finally, I can feed my children...”

I felt rejuvenated. Powerful. My hunger was gone, and Chrysalis had plenty of love left to give me. We had ransacked the base; I was clad in pegasi armor, sans helmet, with a shotgun, three grenades, and an arsenal of scalpels strapped to my limbs. Chrysalis was beside me, wearing a makeshift battlesaddle and carrying several guns in a sack on her side. Her new eyes were nothing but a lime green glow, but they seemed brighter somehow. Her manner and emotions were full of hope.

We were about to exit the research base, to find the last few Crystals. Chrysalis claimed the last few shards were close by, near a city called Baltimare. As we approached the last door, I sensed something in the distance. I slowed, and opened the entrance cautiously.

“What is it, my child?” Chrysalis asked.

“Pegasi.” Five of them, all armored, were approaching the entrance in formation. They stopped when they noticed me.

“Who is that? Identify yourself!”

Before I could think of a plan to escape or a response to fool them, Chrysalis blew down the doors with her magic. The two closest pegasi were knocked aside, then a series of explosions took out the remainder; she had throw my grenades out as well.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. We had no idea if there were more around, or why they were here in the first place. There was no reason to fight yet.

“Killing these monsters.” Chrysalis stood over one of the stunned pegasi, and bore a hole through his skull with a beam of green energy. She started toward the second one.

“Wait, we need information! What if there are more? Why are they here now?” I flew in front of her, but she brushed me aside. Again her horn flared. The second pony screamed for a moment.

“If more come I will kill them too,” Chrysalis spat. “Somepony probably sent out a distress call. Now let’s go.”

“But—”

“Now, my child! We are leaving.”

I obeyed, feeling guilty that I had questioned my Queen. Before we left, she made sure the other pegasi were dead. The smell of melted metal and charred flesh wafted through the air. As we descended through the clouds, I heard Chrysalis mutter to herself, “This form is fragile, but at least it has power.” Even without our hivemind, I felt hatred pouring off of her.

Worry squirmed in my gut. Yes, they were our enemies, but we were not fighters. Every instinct I had, every lesson my Queen had ever taught me told me to be cautious. To manipulate. To wait and worm myself into power, not to challenge it with my own. I was never the more powerful. We never were. We were weak. We were parasites. We could destroy the world in rage, but without our hosts we would die along with it.

Baltimare was a half-sunken ruin. The western bay, shaped like a horseshoe, was littered with decrepit ships and broken cargo crates. Rust, algae, and mussels grew over all that was no submerged by seawater. The coast was broken by eddies and streams, and sea water flowed through them into the city. The city had sunken since the balefire. All that remained was a lake and rows of building tops, sticking out of water like rice plants. As Chrysalis and I  flew over, I saw that a few original buildings had survived around the edges of the lake, and two shanty towns had cropped up around the east and south sides.

I followed Chrysalis down, and we landed on the rooftop of a skyscraper near the lake’s northern shore. The clouds were thick above us, but sunlight streamed in from beyond the bay. A strong wind blew from the ocean, making the long shadows of buildings dance across the golden water below us. The scent of sea water was strong here. I licked my lips and tasted salt.

“I know at least one shard was sent to this city,” Chrysalis explained. “This was a Ministry of Magic building. If it is not here, records of it may be.”

Without further ado she blasted a hole in the roof, and we jumped in. The room I found myself in was surprisingly dry. A wide window occupied the west side, looking out onto the bay. The sun shone through it, giving the whole room an orange glow. A desk and a few chairs sat near the view. Opposite them was an elevator. Two sets of shelves lined each wall, displaying countless trinkets, awards, and newspaper clippings that had faded beyond legibility.

A few filing cabinets sat on either side of the desk. Chrysalis began searching through them, and I went through the desk. After a short while, one file caught my attention. The words “Too close the the truth" were scrawled in red ink on the first page. It was titled: ‘The Baltimare Terrorist Attack - A reconstructive model of the explosion and speculation on possible sources.”

I tried to read the paper, but though I knew the words I could not make heads or tails of the meaning of its sentences. I skipped to the part labeled “Conclusion,” but even that paragraph made my head spin.

“Can you read this?” I asked Chrysalis, floating the paper over to her with my magic. She stared at it for a moment.

“...likely a hyperkinetic weapon fired in the vicinity of the concert hall where the speech was given...” Chrysalis read aloud, “...no known or plausible technology that could generate the required power—what is this?” she demanded.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Does it mention the crystals?” She sounded annoyed with me. My ears fell.

“No...”

“Then do not worry about it.” She tossed it back to me. “Anypony who cared enough to understand it is dead now.”

I frowned, and almost threw it aside, but a line stuck out to me: “...where Twilight Sparkle spoke...” I remembered the recording I had found in that old police station in the Fields. Her voice echoed in my mind, but my hate for her was no longer present. I disliked her, but only in an abstract sense. Strange. It was as if the hate had not truly been mine. Had it vanished with my Queen’s hive? I thought about the other Ministry Mares; about my memory as Pinkie Pie. Hate did not come with them, only an understanding that I had once hated them, and that they had wronged my Queen. Had that hatred not been my own? Had it been borrowed? Or had it been forced into my mind?

I glanced at Chrysalis. She was rapidly scanning each file in the cabinet, then tossing it aside.

I decided to keep the paper. I put it in one of the storage compartments in my suit, and continued looking through the desk. We found nothing about the crystals, but plenty of information about local projects the ministry had undertaken. Apparently there had been a significant amount of aquatic technology development done in the area.

“Rubbish,” Chrysalis muttered.

I believed any information was useful, but I kept my mouth shut and followed her as she stepped toward the elevator. The doors opened easily, but the shaft was empty. The odor of rot and stagnant water wafted up to us as we descended. Floor by floor, we searched, looking for any trace of a shard or clue to its whereabouts. The smell got stronger the farther down we went, until all I could taste was pungent decay. Things were getting damp now, and papers less and less preserved. Soon it would be impossible to go any farther.

“There is nothing here,” Chrysalis said when we hit sea level. We hovered above the water, her horn glowing. It had been dark for the last ten floors. I felt weariness throughout my body.

“Let’s sleep on the top floor, and try another building tomorrow,” I suggested.

“Sleep? I’m not tired. We can keep searching.” She began to fly back up the shaft. “Come, my child. I have an idea where to look next.” After a moment, I followed. I could last for another hour or two, but I needed to sleep soon. It had been an eventful day.

An hour or two passed, and Chrysalis expressed no desire to stop our search.

“My Queen,” I pleaded, “can we sleep now?” My eyelids were heavy, and even my wings ached.

“Sleep? Why? We have so much more to search through.”

“I‘m tired,” I stated. “I need sleep.”

“Take my strength, my child. I have plenty. This body requires little rest.”

I frowned. “I can’t. I can’t even sense you. Your hive is gone, my Queen... did you not feel it?”

“Oh... of course.” She stopped in her tracks. “Our minds are separate... sleep, then. I will keep looking.” I nodded, and she headed off. We were still fairly far up in the second building, so I had no trouble finding a dry spot to sleep in. I curled up in a corner, using a desk as cover, and let my mind slip away into unconsciousness.

I dreamt.

“Feed me,” Shining Armor was saying. He lounged on a pile of corpses pulsing with green fire. "Feed me, Changeling. Feed me.”

I was bringing him a platter full of onions and garlic. He ate them, and the fires surged beneath us.

“Feed me,” he said, brushing my cheek. I felt his lust. “Feed me, Rarity.”

“No,” I said. I was being crushed against the ground. Boss looked down on me, Hairpins and Tumbleweed laughed as they were crushed next to me.

“Feed me,” they screamed. But I didn't want to. “Feed me your body! Feed me your death!”

Invisible figures surrounded me, skinning me alive, beating me, chanting, “Feed me! Feed me!” I felt myself being taken apart and put back together. I vomited. I cried. I screamed.

“Feed me!” the figures chanted as they poked and prodded my exposed brain.

“Feed me,” I begged Rolling. “Feed me love!” Surprise was there in chains, looking at me with a terrified expression. Rolling did not answer. I couldn't see him anymore. I could not let myself love him. He should be my prey.

Why? I wanted him, didn't I? He had looked at me, and I had been excited, right?

Feed...

The echo of her voice. It pulled me away from him. It pulled me away from Surprise, looking desperate and alone.

They should feed me. They were not my friends, I told myself. But they could have been. I could have tried to be their friends.

No...

Again, an echo. But she was gone. My Queen was gone. I was alone.

Feed me.

No.

Rolling slipped away from me. Surprise died. I sobbed in darkness, burning a bright sickly green.

I coughed myself awake, left with a deep sense of longing and melancholy. The building shook around me as the dull roar of cannon fire sounded in the distance. More dust fell from the ceiling, and a few papers fell onto the floor. Fear overcame my grogginess, and I clambered toward a window. The building shuddered. I turned around and bucked the glass, but it held, so I pulled out my shotgun. Two shots and another buck finally shattered the window. I leapt out and flew up.

In the pale light of dawn, I saw shadowy forms dart over the waves below. Yellow fire blossomed across the water, followed by the sound of gunfire. Keeping ahead of the barrage was Chrysalis, who sent a haphazard spray of green bolts back at her pursuers. Lightning cracked in the sky above me, and I careened downward in terror. The pegasi did not notice me, so I flew behind them, skirting across the surface of the water.

I followed them, dodging past decrepit building tops as I closed the distance between us. Again, lightning thundered, splattering all our shadows against the choppy water below. I was almost on top of one of the pegasi now; she was shouting orders. I gripped three scalpels in my magic. They glowed green as I sank them into the joints of her power armor. It was the same make as mine, and I had studied it carefully when I first put it on. I knew the weak points.

She screamed, but kept flying, turning in air to try and fight me. Her determination sealed her fate. I pulled the scalpels out, and stabbed again. Different joints this time. More screaming. I stabbed again. This time I hit her wings. She fell into the sea with a splash, bleeding and crippled. By now her companions had turned to help her, but I didn't let them get close. I ducked behind the nearest building, and crashed through a window.

Wind howled through the opening I’d made, masking the approach of any pegasi who might be coming. I slipped out my shotgun and slipped behind a doorway. I was masked by darkness here. After a short while, two shadows appeared beyond the window. They paused there, and I readied myself to strike. But they did not come. Instead they opened fire, ripping apart the floor with bullets and bombs. I scrambled backwards, fumbling for cover in the dark. I took a few glancing blows, but my armor protected me. Eventually, I found my back pressed against another window. I bucked it and blasted it, and threw myself out as the building seemed to disintegrate around me.

“There!” I heard the shout, and flew toward it. “Whoa!”

The pegasus dodged my tackle, but not my blades. I finished him off with a pair of shots from my gun. I flew away, reloading. Stray bullets plopped into the water near me, but I could tell they were flying blindly. The sky had darkened. The light of dawn had been subsumed by a growing storm.

Green fire lit up the world, then the sound of gunfire stopped. I landed on a nearby rooftop and watched the sky. A dark figure flew upward. I leapt to catch it. Lightning flashed, and I saw it was a pegasus, carrying his companion. She was the one I had injured earlier. All of my scalpels came out, and I finished them both.

The clouds broke as I returned to solid ground. The rush of battle passed, leaving a deep pit in my gut. The action had chased away my memory of the dream, but the sense of loss had stayed with me. I frowned.

Water started to pool around my hooves, but I waited in the rain until Chrysalis found me. She swooped down and landed in front of me. She was smiling.

“Ooh that was excellent. They all deserve such painful deaths!”

“How did they find us?” I asked. We couldn’t afford more pursuit. If they sent an army instead of just a strike force, we would be overpowered.

“Oh, I saw them flying overhead. They probably had no idea who I was.” She giggled. “They probably thought it was the abomination that attacked them; maybe they’ll start killing each other over this!” She cackled as I struggled to find words.

“But we can’t fight them!” I shouted. “We can’t attack. We don’t have enough power to fight them! We need to find the shards, then we will have enough power to take over the world or get revenge or—How could you do that?”

She was taken aback. “I will take my revenge when it pleases me.”

“No,” I spat back. “We can’t fight them, not if they seriously attack us.” I slashed a hoof through the air for emphasis. Water splashed around us as I put it back down. “What... what you did was stupid.”

“Child! How dare you?” Chrysalis sounded like she had been slapped. “You will not question your Queen!”

You are not my Queen, I thought. I could not say anything more. I stared at her blank eyes.

“Did you find anything?” I asked after a moment.

“Yes,” she said, sloshing through the rising water to gaze over the buildings edge. “No mention of a shard, but I found records of the Crystal Empress. Apparently she and... her husband visited the city quite often to see a friend. Her house is on the outskirts of the city.” She stepped off the edge, and hovered in the air, looking back at me. “Come, we may find answers there.”

I pushed myself out of the rising water, and followed in silence.

The rainstorm petered out as we reached the edge of the city. Here the lake ended, giving way to a waterlogged suburbia that was in the final stages of disintegration. We saw a few structures among the ruins, ragged shelters that must have been rebuilt dozens of times. Whether raiders lived here or just normal ponies struggling to survive I could not say. We did not stop to investigate. We flew over the dead landscape, toward hillsides far from the city center.

When we finally arrived, the sun had passed far overhead, sending thin beams of light through a few feeble gaps in the clouds. The house before us sat alone, halfway up the hillside. The road that had once lead to it was almost gone, cracked by roots and the mountain’s movement, and eaten away by floods and the growth of underbrush. Trees grew here; they were small, gnarled things, but trees nonetheless.

The house itself was large: two stories with a garage, backyard deck, and a small porch in the front. What paint had not peeled was faded, chalky green. The stone beneath was a dirt-splattered black and grey collage. The wooden stairs that lead to the entrance had long ago succumbed to rot, but the rest of the house was surprisingly well-preserved. The front door was thick steel and had a glass window with an intricate pattern of squares, circles, and lines that made for a pleasing geometry but left no room to see through. Its lock melted as Chrysalis blasted it with her magic.

Inside, thick glass windows stood unbroken, stifling the already weak ambient light and leaving the house shrouded in shadows. We stepped through the foyer as our eyes adjusted, and saw a living room to our left, a kitchen to our right, and a staircase and a bathroom in front of us.

We split up. I headed upstairs while Chrysalis searched through the first floor. A closet greeted me, along with a hallway to my left and a bedroom to my right. The hallway yielded a bathroom and a second bedroom. Both were sparse, and covered in a thin layer of dust. There was a guest book near a side table draped in white and pink lace. It was sprawled face down on the carpet. I levitated it up and flipped through the pages. The first few entries were irregular and inconsistent. May names I did not recognize appeared and never came back. But as I read farther a pattern emerged, and the names became familiar: Mi Amore Cadenza, and her husband, Shining Armor. They wrote nothing substantial, just their daily activities on their visits, and how grateful they were to have Lyra and Bon-Bon as friends. They must have been the house’s owners.

Another name popped up, and soon it was the only one. “Amethyst.” She was Candance’s child, I realized as I read through the book again. Cadance mentioned her a few times, but rarely by name. Amethyst’s entries were longer, and she was much closer to “aunty Lyra” than Bon-Bon. Out of the whole guestbook, only two pages were important to me.

“I had that terrible dream again,” Amethyst wrote. “Only, I think I have realized that it might be a memory. Everything was so nice, at first, I was listening to Miss. Sparkle talk. Mother and Father were there too, we were all sitting together. Then there was a very loud noise, and everything was flying through the air. I remember flying. I don’t have wings like mother, so flying always scares me, but in the dream I do not have time to be scared. I land, and everything is dark, and still loud, and I am in a lot of pain. It seems like I am stuck there forever, crying and in pain and alone. I remember such a huge pressure on my chest. I can barely breath. Then suddenly it is all over, and aunty Lyra is above me, smiling and telling me it will all be okay. I... I am starting to cry just thinking about it now.

I asked aunty Lyra about it at breakfast, and she laughed. It is a memory, she told me, and it was the first time we had met. My parents were attending one of Miss. Sparkle’s lectures, and a bomb went off. I was stuck in the rubble, and she was the one who pulled me out. She met my parents thanks to that attack. I do not know how to feel. The dream has always been with me, but I almost never remember it when I wake. I am glad that Lyra and my parents met, but I would rather forget my place that day. The pain is still too real.”

The second entry, the last, was much shorter: “The world is ending I have to leave soon. I am so scared. Mother, Father are still in the Crystal Empire. I hope they are okay. I just wanted to surprise aunty, give her a gift for their anniversary. If anyone finds this, please”

And that was the end of it.

Several pages were ripped out after this entry, but the page it ended on was mostly blank. I frowned at that, but put the guestbook-turned-diary in my bag. Chrysalis might be interested in it. Or she might hate it, because it was written by her the Crystal Empress and her spawn.

Strange, my rage against them was gone as well. Only a sense of regret remained; a remorse that our coup had failed. I had no personal vendetta, though. What would be the point? Surely, they must all be dead by now.

I found more books in the master bedroom. There was a whole three shelves full of them against the wall. Most were fiction, textbooks, or scientific writings. I glanced through all of it and found nothing relevant to our search for the crystal shards. However, I had to keep myself from reading through everything that looked interesting: biology text, anthropology studies, books on circuits and mechanical devices. I noticed, as I looked through them, that the fiction novels tended to have Bon-Bon’s signature in them, while Lyra was the exclusive owner of the more technical writings.

I turned to the desk next. A terminal was here, still powered and not password protected. I smiled at my luck, and began navigating through the menus. More research files and technical jargon. I frowned. I spent a long while at the terminal, looking for anything about the crystals, but found nothing. I managed to sort all the files by date, but the most recent one was just more gibberish about Lyra’s research: “Off to present my findings at Canterlot! The final title is, Development of Helpful Aquatic Navigation Devices (H.A.N.Ds) and their use in submarine exploration and combat. I really do hate how dry we have to write all these reports, but that’s science for you! Some days I wish I would have just stayed in Ponyville with Bonnie and kept at my music, but it’s times like these that make it all worth it. All the years of college and research... it all comes together when I see how much progress we have made. Leaps and bounds! We just need to end this stupid war, and so much good is possible, I know it!”

The entry, I noted, was dated two days before Amethyst’s last entry. I closed the file and shut down the terminal, frowning. They had all been so... happy. Scared, always worried about the war, but still, somehow, happy.

There was a desk on the terminal’s right. I shifted through its drawers. I found lots of junk mail, and several copies of a “Stable Evacuation Map.” I put one in my bag, and frowned again. There was a small bathroom connected to the master bedroom, but I found nothing useful in there either. As I finished my search, Chrysalis trotted up the stairs. I felt happiness and pride radiate off of her. I drank, glad, at least, for that.

“Good news!” she exclaimed. “I found some more shards! They’re not far from here!”

“Really? You’re sure?”

“Oh yes, most definitely! The journal I found even mentioned a place we can look for more after we get these! Come, we must go at once!” She started back down the stairs. I blinked, and followed her cautiously. Something was off.

“That is... very convenient,” I said. She did not respond. “Chrysalis!” I called, stopping halfway down the stair.

“Yes, my child?” she asked, looking back. As I thought: her eyes were a pale blue. Mine widened.

I drew my shotgun, but a shield flew up between us before I could fire. I snarled and jumped back, flying into the master bedroom and slamming the door shut. It was the abomination in that body, not Chrysalis. Had she lost her mind? Had she been absorbed by Unity?

No, I thought to myself, no, she does not have the battlesaddle. This one was naked. Her happiness had been genuine, however. Chrysalis might already be dead.

I grimaced, already getting ready to buck the window above the desk and terminal, as the alicorn tried to open the door. I had locked it—thank goodness they had a lock—but that would not stop her for long. Two bucks and a shotgun blast, but the window held. My ears rung from the shot, and I turned to see the door blown off its hinges. Two of the abomination’s vessels stood in the doorway. I drew as many scalpels as I could hold in my magic along with my gun.

“Where is your Queen?” I barely heard them through the ringing.

I hovered silently in the air.

“Tell us, bug, or we will dispose of you!” Their voice was small and distorted, like the words were being whispered by a distant crowd. Without her mental voice, the abomination sounded almost pitiful.

Where was chrysalis? I thought. She must have heard that.

I fired the moment one of them opened their mouth to speak a third time. Her shield went up a second too late. My ears were ringing again, but I saw the shield flicker and the alicorn in front fall. I dashed forward and thrust my scalpels at the pair. Magic flared around me, and pain exploded in my wings and right shoulder, but I did not let up on my attack. A moment later, I crashed into them, stabbing blindly with my horn and magic-held scalpels. Then it was over.

I lay between their corpses, panting, and felt suddenly very sick. I twisted my neck, and vomited green slime onto my burnt shoulder. Armor had melted into it, but that did not seem to stop the magic from working. I spread some of the healing goo across what remained of my wings, but it was not enough to cover all of my wound. I got sick again. That was enough, but I could feel an emptiness in my stomach. I would need to eat if I wished to heal again.

My wings were restored, but a piece of metal was now stuck in my should, and the back of my suit had mostly melted. I grimaced, but allowed myself a moment of relief. No more alicorns had appeared while I had been healing. Perhaps these were all that had been sent after us.

But where was Chrysalis?

Back on the first floor, I couldn’t find her. The living room and kitchen has been ransacked. Cushions were ripped apart, coffee table overturned, books and magazines scattered; all the cupboards were open, dishes were shattered in the sink, and an unfathomable stink wafted from the open refrigerator. I blew air out of my nostrils, glancing back over my shoulder. In a corner near the dining table, barely visible, was a closed hatch. The mat that had been covering it had been pushed aside, but it was closed. I heaved it open, surprised at the weight, and found a stone staircase. Cool air rushed up to greet me.

At the bottom of the stairs, I found an open door; though really it more like a giant slab of steel. Beyond it the room was all pristine white marble lit by sputtering fluorescent lights. The room was large, and had a bed, a small bathroom, as well as several stockpiles of food, books, and games, and a terminal integrated into the back wall. The last was where I found Chrysalis.

“Did you find anything?” she asked, not bothering to look back at me.

“The abomination attacked me,” I said.

“Oh, really? I wonder how she found us...” Her tone made me grit my teeth. Why was she like this? I was her child, wasn’t I? Why was she so... dismissive? “I found a lead,” she continued. “There’s some security footage here. The last one shows a unicorn bringing in one of the shards to the earth pony who lived here, but they run out the door in a panic hours later. I’m trying to find where they went afterwards.”

“Do you care?” I demanded.

“What?” she looked back at me.

“Do you even care that I was attacked? I could have died!”

“You think the abomination could beat us?” she asked, skeptical. “Her vessels are nothing; not even a fraction of my power.”

“There is no us!” I shouted. "And we can't fight them!"

She turned on me, slamming a hoof down. “Is that why you question me? Why do you defy me?” she snarled. “I loved you; I protected you! I am your Queen, I must save our Hive—I can save you!  You should be my child; you should be mine!” Her new voice strained to shout, and cracked as she spoke.

“You are not my Queen!” I screamed. “My Queen is dead! Her hive is gone! I am the last Changeling, you... you’re just... a bad dream.” There were tears in my eyes and down my cheeks. “And you know it.”

Chrysalis’s mouth twisted in rage and sorrow. I spoke again.

“Why don’t you care about me anymore? Why... why was your love so fragile?” I had felt it since the fight with the pegasi. Not a single good feeling had come for me since then. I had tried to ignore it, to tell myself it would get better, but I could not believe it. I had never been without a Queen or a Hive. I did not know how to act or what to say, what to think or feel. I wanted my Queen back, but this thing in front of me was not her.

“You are right. I cannot feel you,” she said. “I... It is as you said. You are only a memory to me. I cannot feel my children, so they are all dead.” Her voice was measured now. I could feel anger and sadness roil within her. “But we can revive them. I can revive you. I just need the crystals. Then we can feed again. I just need the crystals...” She started to turn back to the terminal.

My mouth opened, my thoughts solidifying as I spoke them. “I am more alive now! You controlled me! I remember. I felt my thoughts die under your own.”

“You were my children. I protected you.”

“All... all you did was control us. We could not think unless it was a thought you had, we could not... feel beyond what you let us...” From birth I had been a slave of someone else. Even my mind had not bee my own, not really. I was just a vessel for the Hive.

“That was our nature, my child. You were not meant to have thoughts of your own.” Chrysalis sounded almost mocking. “This body is abhorrent. You know this is not as things should be.”

“This is not as things used to be,” I shot back. “Maybe...” A flurry of thoughts and emotions welled up inside me. “Maybe the reason we all died was because you couldn’t change with the world. We were stuck in your thoughts... no one could question you, so you never changed. You wanted to protect us, but now we’re all dead!” Even she was dead, just lucky enough to cling to this form and watch the epilogue of her actions.

“How dare you? I protected you!” She shouted. “Look what it cost me! What have you ever sacrificed!”

“Nothing! Because you took everything from me!” I had spurned a potential lover, abandoned a possible friend, and exposed myself to the pegasi as a true enemy. I did it all under her direction, and all for naught. I was alone, without any source of love, and on a quest I only cared about in the abstract. I wanted freedom. I wanted my Hive. I knew I would never have either if I stayed with the phantom before me.

I turned around, and flew up the stairs, not waiting for a reply. Chrysalis did not follow, and I left the house, flying away across the desolate cityscape. I did not know where I was going, only that I was going away.

I walked through the desolate city streets, mud and gravel sticking to my hooves. I was not close to the lake, but even here the houses and buildings had eroded way to their skeletons, and most had collapsed long ago. I moved at a monotonous pace, and thought about very little. The smell of rot was everywhere, mixing faintly with the taste of salt and kelp brought in by the whistling sea wind. I shivered and disguised as Rolling, hoping his coat would give me some protection from the cold.

I had walked for several hours before I heard the sound. It was distant at first, an imperceptible buzz just below the wind. It grew steadily to a low hum, and then a rumble loud enough to break my trance. I stopped and looked behind me. The rumble began to rise to a roar, and then from three blocks away a pair of vehicles careened into my street, sending a stream of debris sailing through the air behind them. The first vehicle, a topless carriage with three wheels, was pulled by a pair of wide-eyed stallions, one blue and one black, while a trio of mares fired at the second vehicle. This one was a treaded tank with a roaring engine and a canon that had melted onto its front leaving a shiny stain that resembled some deformed, clownish nose. A dozen metal plates had been welded to the tank’s sides, making for platforms on either of its sides and bulletproof shields all across its brow. Spikes, skulls, and dried hides adorned every inch of the roaring monster, and a dozen ponies dressed in bones and blood clung to its sides, shooting at the carriage from behind their steel barriers.

I saw that the wagon was losing ground, even as I scrambled to get out of their way. I jumped into the ruins of a house, but I had not moved in time. With a thunderous cry the tank lurched forward into the carriage, and the two veered toward me as they skidded to a halt. The wagon split in half when it impacted what remained of the house’s side, and I was swept up in a hail of wood and steel. I rolled across the ground and hit my side hard. The world spun, and all I could hear was the triumphant revving of the monster’s engine. Its mockery drowned all other sound.

My armor had saved me from any real damage, and I managed to stand after only a moment. I drew my shotgun and two scalpels. The two stallions who had pulled the wagon were a few feet away from me. The blue one was dead, his neck twisted unnaturally. The black one lay stunned, blood oozing from innumerable scratches on his body. Behind them the mares were struggling to rise from the wagon’s ruins, but the raiders from the tank were already swarming towards them, and I saw the tank’s hatch beginning to open as well. I took a step back, but three of the raiders had already taken notice of me. They rushed me all at once. One jumped straight at me with a club, one stepped right to fire at me with a pistol, and the last swung a spear of metal at my left with his magic. I rushed toward the last one, putting the club wielder between me and the pistol’s bullets. The spear scrapped off my armor, but my gun was knocked from my grip as I used it to deflect a blow from the club. I bulled into the spear-pony, and his snarl turned into a scream as I drove both my scalpels down through his eyes.  I cried out as the club cracked against my neck. Even through the armor it force was enough to stagger me. I turned around, and dodged backwards, struggling to keep the club between me and the pistol.

“Stay fucking still!” one of them shouted. I managed to draw another of my scalpels.

I checked a blow from the club with my shoulder, and stabbed my horn at his neck. He moved away, but I grazed him and he stumbled aside. Now the pistol had a clear shot at me. He fired, but I was already turning, ducking my unarmored head down as I flung the scalpel at him, straight as I could manage. The bullet hit my side. It stung horribly, but did not pierce the armor. I screamed as I continued to whirl, and jumped the raider. He had dodged my scalpel, but the throw had given me a moment to close distance. I undisguised mid-jump and clamped my jaws down onto his neck. I didn’t bother to break it, the holes would be enough. He gasped and gurgled as he fell away, and I turned to my last opponent, expecting another attack. But all that met me were eyes wide as saucers.

“Boss,” the raider said. For a moment, I was as stunned as he looked. What?

“By my loving skin!” I heard the exclamation from behind me. The voice was familiar. I turned cautiously, stepping back to keep the club in my sights. The raiders had made short work of the carriage ponies. One mare, a pale blue one, lay dead in the rubble, and they had finished off the black stallion. The other two mares had been overpowered, and spewed curses of hate and despair. Three raiders held them down while two more stripped them of their gear. Five more were already scavenging through the wreck for anything useful. Three others flanked their leader, the one who had spoken. His visage was as bloody and scarred as the rest of them, but as I focused on him his form shimmered yellow and was suddenly aflame. A void of dread swelled within me. “I cannot believe this! Brother, is that you?”

“Fugax,” I whispered.

“Yes, yes! It is you, brother! Oh how wondrous!” Before me Fugax stood, his skin a pale, sickly white. Yellow cracks traced along his carapace, matching the color of his watery, bulging eyes. His horn had split down the middle and rehealed, leaving a raised mass of scar tissue near the base. His wings were gone. Only a stub of the right one remained, twitching slowly and irregularly.

“What are you doing out here alone?” he asked, smiling at me. Behind him the mares screamed; the raiders had finished with their things and had started on them. I saw Surprise look at me in that dark room, her eyes dead. I stepped forward, pulling my shotgun back to my side.

“Stop,” I said. Fugax frowned.

“But, brother, we must feed.”

“Stop!” I shouted. I pointed the gun at Fugax. He tilted his head in confusion, but the raiders stopped. “Back off of them,” I demanded. Cautious relief flowed from the mares as Fugax’s raiders obeyed. Fugax breathed it in deeply. I ate as well.

“Oh, that is good, my brother... you always were the clever one.” He sighed in ecstasy. “Goodness, I forgot how it tasted... even such a little morsel... but the taste is so misleading, my brother.”

The raiders surrounded me now, though none looked prone to strike. Like the raiders in the Fields, they were covered in gore-splattered armor and stank of death, but and I noticed they all seemed oddly uniform in their apparel. The way they stood, the way they looked at me... it felt too much the same. I looked closer, and saw all their eyes tinted with yellow fire. I looked back at Fugax. “You made a new Hive,” I said.

“Yes, brother! Isn’t it wonderful?” He trotted toward me, and placed a foreleg around my shoulders, sweeping the other across his raiders. My eyes watered from his stench. “Look, look at all them! Can you believe it? All that time, living in fear, cowering before their guns, and we could have controlled them... ruled them! And not an ounce of their love needed. Look at how easy it is to create fear, to feed from it. This is our real power. Not even Maggy will ever make a Hive like this!” From the corner of my eyes I saw the mares rising slowly, thinking the raiders distracted. Fools. Fugax could taste their hope as well as I could. He could taste their fear even better.

“Maggy is dead,” I said. “Our Hive is gone. There is no Queen.”

“Really?” His face fell, but only for a moment. “Our Queen... she’s really dead?”

“Yes,” I said. The details were irrelevant; Crystal Heart or no, Chrysalis would never again be our Queen.

He laughed. “And yet here I am, alive and well! So much for her love.” He winked at me, and I saw he was missing the right half of his eyelid. “Tell me, brother, what brings you here? Last I knew, the Hive was hiding out in some cave near Canterlot.”

“It’s a long story,” I said.

“Oh, we have time...” My eyes drifted from Fugax as the two mares made a break for freedom. Four raiders burst from behind the tank and tackled them immediately. Their cries renewed themselves as the raiders began to drag them back to the tank. I ground my teeth together.

“Don’t,” I told Fugax.

“You don’t have to watch, brother. I’ll take them behind the tank if you want.”

“No,” I reiterated, “don’t.”

Fugax slid away from me, his gaze grown hard. “Brother, I won’t fault you for a weak stomach,” he said. “But I’m not going to skip out on a meal just for your sake. Even getting enough hate and fear is hard enough. You’ll see. There is no more love in this land, brother. Our Queen is dead now, you don’t need to cling to her stupid standards. Come! Eat with us... you could have a Hive of your own one day!”

“No.”

“But look what it gives you! See these ponies? This power?”

I had seen enough. “You’re dying, Fugax.”

“Ha! Look who’s talking. I’ve outlived our Queen, and I’ve outlived our Hive. I’ll outlive you too, believe me brother.” He grinned and shuddered. I could hear the raiders grunt and hoot while their mares screamed. “Ooh, that’s the stuff... we can get a good week out of these before they go all dead-eyed, y’know. I got it down to a process by now.” I felt bile at the back of my throat, but I dared not intervene. I was no match for his gang.

“Oh come on, you’re no different. Why do you care about ponies, anyway? You still have to feed from them. You still hurt them, one way or another.”

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came to me. Ponies were our prey, why should I care about how they felt when we fed? But all I had to do was look at Fugax, see the decay and corruption his food had brought him, and I knew it was wrong. “It’s poison,” I finally spit out.

Fugax gave me a disgusted stare. “Poison? You don’t have a single thought of your own, do you?” He sighed. “You know, I was happy to see you again, really I was. I had hoped, maybe, that someone else had found freedom like me. But you’re trapped. You’re stuck in her thoughts even after she can’t think them any more. You’re just a disgusting little copy of her.” Behind him they had finished with the mares. They were tied up and gagged now. One still struggled furiously as they hauled them onto the tank. The other wept.

“I’m leaving,” I said.

“Fine. We are leaving too.” All the other raiders began to clamber back onto the tank as well, each poking or taunting one of their prizes. They took the bodies of the dead with them as well. “I can see I won’t change your mind today. But once you get hungry enough, don’t come crawling back to me. I would have helped you, given you a taste, but I can see you won’t listen. Learn yourself, like I did. Learn that my way is the only way, or starve to death.” He climbed up after his raiders, and stepped into the main hatch. Before he closed it he pointed a withered white hoof at me and said, “Tell you what, little Chrysalis, Come back to me with your own Hive, and I’ll call you brother again! Otherwise, the next time we meet, I’ll let my Hive call you food!” The monster sped off, its engine a great crackling roar

I jumped back into the air and flew around aimlessly. Images of Surprise danced in my head to the sound of those screaming mares. I saw blackness and two laughing griffins. I tasted cooked meat and saw ponies roasting over a red fire. Fugax laughed at me above it all, white and yellow and proud, surrounded by his Hive.

I screamed until I grew weak and had to land. Then I cried. Eventually, I curled up in the corner of what was once a grocery store and fell asleep, still weeping.

I just want to get away... I just want some peace...

I did not sleep that night. Dark thoughts consumed me. In the pitch black of night, I saw all the ponies I had hurt and killed appear before me cursing; crying; and some were simply silent.

Why do I care about them? They are my prey. Do ponies weep for the grass they eat? Why do I care?

When their faces finally left me, a greater problem presented itself. I did not know where I should go. I still needed love, after all. My hunger would be back soon enough. But the words of Fugax and Chrysalis gave me no guidance. One route was a failure, the other madness.

What do I do now?

“Find the Crystals!”

“Come back with your own Hive!”

Very well, I decided. I’ll do both. I would make my own Hive, a new type of Hive to find love in this world. I would show Fugax and Chrysalis the error of their ways. One was dead, the other dying, but I would live, I decided. I would make my Hive, and I would live.

Footnote: Level up!
New Perk: High Flier - Travel time to and from any location in the Equestrian Wasteland is reduced by 75%. You must leave all non-flying members of your party behind, however.
Quest Perk: Free Thinker - Your hive is gone, and so is your queen. SPECIAL stat modifications from the perk Total Recall no longer apply.