Welcome back after an uncalled-for hiatus. Hopefully we can cut right to the chase and move onto our next game.
But, we still have one thing to do, and that is introduce our special guest star--
*Cuts off Drew and holds up bottle of mouth spray* Princess Celestia, everyone! *Spritzes mouth twice as Celestia appears centre stage*
...I'm starting to think I'm not needed.
I thought you said no more royalty!
I said nothing of the sort.
Did you work out a little deal with a certain somepony? *She leans over Drew's desk*
I'm fairly sure "the producers" did.
What producers?!
We can speculate all day long. But let's keep the show going with a game called "Princess' Diary!"
Huh? What?
*Checks wiki* What?!
I worked up a little deal: I combined two games. It's a combo of "Authors" and "Hey You Down There". So this oughta be interesting. Two games forgotten in the archives making a vengeful comeback. This is for all five of you. The scene will be performed by Celestia and--
*Spritzes seven more times rapidly*
Solid!
What?!
Really?!
Yes. And Dull, Blunt, and Star are going to be the narrators of the scene. They are going to narrate/dictate the progression of the scene in various styles of written scriptures. Now what I need from the audience is three types of novel genres or whatever you can think of...
Over-the-top action novel! Western! Romantic comedy!
Umm... Over-the-top action novel...
Haha! Erotica! Yes! What else?!
...A Sears catalogue!
A Sears catalogue?! Umm... Yeah! Let's see how that turns out. Dull will be narrating the scene as an over-the-top action, Star will handle the erotica, and Blunt will do the catalogue. When I buzz, *Bzt!* we move onto the next narrator in the sequence. The scene itself will be an excerpt from the diary of Princess Celestia. Last thing I need from the audience is a suggestion for something Celestia would write about in her diary that involves another pony...
Not enough cake!
No...
Yes!
That joke's never going to die, is it?
Hey, if Firebrand can learn to embrace a gag, so can you. So let's begin the scene with Star narrating a diary passage normally then shortly after, *Bzt!*, as his style. Take it away!
Dear diary, I have been feeling empty lately. I soon realized that it was the lack of sweets on the menu. I decided to go down to the royal kitchen and have a friendly chat with the chef. I intended to have a wide variety of pastries and cakes before dinner tonight. *Bzt!* The chef looked deep into my eyes. The world around us faded away as our faces came closer to meeting. Our eyes half-lidded, our lips wetting, my spine shivering with anticipation! He lifted his hoof to my chin--*Bzt!*
A great way to get the attention of anypony in the food industry is with eye-catching jewelry. This fine 18-piece ruby-studded necklace is no exception. With only the finest of gems to fit on such attire, it is sure to give a pleasant glimmer and make for envious acquaintances. Regular retail price: 630 bits. *Bzt!*
But all of the sudden, it morphed into a blood-sucking alien! Free of its disguise, it feasted upon my neck! I was powerless to combat the leech. The chef thought quickly and expertly tossed his knife in a way that sliced the attacker in half while leaving my throat untouched. The alien squirmed and gasped for breath as it writhed on the floor. I stood proudly and stomped on its head to deliver the killing blow! The green blood that spewed from under my hoof corroded a hole into floor and ruined my crystal slipper. *Bzt!*
The chef took a rag and knelt down in front of me. He lifted my sullied hoof and slowly caressed it with the cloth, cleaning it of any residual fluid. He leaned down and kissed my clean hoof. My mind was filled with only one question: Could my next treat be any better? *Bzt!*
Any kitchen remodeling is incomplete without the proper wax. Hoofman's Tile Wax will fill in those unsightly spots and leave a seamless finish. *Bzt!*
But the chef wasn't a chef at all! He was an a assassin sent by my jealous ex-coltfriend! He donned a black mask and tossed a metal star in my direction. I caught it just inches away from my face and sent it back at him. It grazed his left leg and made him convulse on the floor. *Bzt!*
I felt horrible about what I have done. I approached him with my heart filled with regret and sorrow. My one true lover, cut down in his prime before his sworn duty could be fulfilled. He looked up at me with alluring ruby eyes and placed his hoof upon my ample bosom. I bowed down to touch my mug to his. He wanted ever so badly to grant my wish. He had written down his secret recipe on a small card. *Bzt!*
A black forest cake suited for any fancy occasion.-- *Bzt!*
But suddenly a fiery comet crashes through the window and hits the recipe! Seconds later, a secret experimental laser bombards the recipe with hyper-violet mercury rays! Then it is doused with mysterious chemicals, struck by the mystical powers on the horse gods, bitten my a radioactive parasprite, and taught the arcane ability to cloud colts' minds by an inscrutable monk! "Wow... That hardly ever happens."
*BZZZZZZZZTTTT!!!*
Nicely done! Thank you very much, Your Highness.
And nothing bad happened.
Yes, it went swimmingly.
*Fidgets in his seat*
Too bad, so sad, my nocturnal friend.
Thank you very much for having me here. I had fun.
We were hoping.
*Bows and teleports out*
What's next for guest stars now that we've exhausted all the alicorn royalty?
I'd be more aware of what you're saying when your chair starts blinking at you.
Huh? *Looks back to see a pair of eyes on the back of his chair.* AAH!
*Chuckles* I do love making grown ponies jump.
When can we get normal guests?
There's no such thing as normal in this world, so we may as well embrace. And that is it for now everyone! Don't go away!
