//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 - Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Repeat // Story: Ponyville Holds An Election // by Soufriere //------------------------------// The next day, at high noon, municipal employees finished setting up the makeshift stage in front of Town Hall’s handsome wooden façade, a task they had performed so many times over the years that senior officials had long since lost count. Raven, clearly straining, lugged a podium onstage, setting it directly square with the double doors of the old meeting house. Then, she draped a piece of tricolour bunting over the front to make it seem more ‘official’; others affixed a chain of larger but otherwise identical bunting over the front of the stage to hide its superstructure. A few minutes later, ponies of all races and colours began to gather in front of the stage. Just as expected. Ponyville’s rabble could always be counted on to flock to a spectacle. Mayor Mare sat just inside the Town Hall’s front doors, making sure her speech notes were organized. She remembered the time that Twilight Sparkle had brought a stack of some two hundred note cards to give a five minute speech and considered ditching what few things she did write down, but decided against it. After all, she figured, this would probably be the most satisfying speech of her life. At exactly half an hour after high noon, she opened the doors and proceeded to the dais. As expected, nearly all of Ponyville stood before her. She placed the small stack of note cards on the podium and commenced the one aspect of executive authority in which she retained any self confidence. “Fillies and Gentlecolts,” she began as per usual, “As Mayor of Ponyville, it is my duty to inform you whenever a big event is to occur. Over the past year, many of you have visited my office to keep me abreast of problems afflicting our wonderful village. Today, I plan to address as many of your issues as I can!” The masses applauded, as was their wont. “I regret to inform you all that Ponyville is massively over budget. This means we spend a lot more bits than we earn. Our town cannot survive like this, so sacrifices must be made!” The crowd did not applaud this time, instead murmuring to each other. “First off, the situation at Ponyville school. The original plan was to expand the building to more than one room, as well as to buy more desks – after all, we have over thirty students forced to share nine desks – so we do not have to keep sending our foals to school in shifts. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to do either of those things. In addition, we had planned to hire a second teacher, because Cheerilee is overworked enough as it is. This also will not happen. In fact, we may not have it in the budget to keep Cheerilee herself and may be forced to let her go if our situation does not improve.” “What?!” shouted several fillies in shock. Cheerilee rolled her big green eyes; the mayor had given the embattled teacher a heads-up about the speech. Next to her, Big Macintosh glared at the Mayor, his expression blank and his breathing disturbingly even. He tapped one of his massive forehooves against an adjacent tree, which promptly gained a new hoof shaped indentation. “Regardless, necessity dictates the closure of the Foal Free Press, effective immediately. We have already received several offers from other villages for the mimeograph machines.” “No!” cried Featherweight, the paper’s editor, from the back of the crowd. “Ya cain’t do this!” Apple Bloom, FFP’s chief writer, protested pathetically. “Now that education is taken care of, time to move on to the subject of infrastructure,” Mayor Mare continued in a nonchalant tone. “For the past several months, my office has received dozens of complaints about the old stone bridge on the west side of town. Allegedly, it is in terrible disrepair and needs to be fixed yesterday. City inspectors have now completed their report on the bridge,” she lied; Ponyville’s chief engineer, Colton McStable, had taken one look at the underside of it and told her a report would be pointless because even a blind horse could see it was on the verge of collapse. “And their assessment is that the bridge is in passable condition. Therefore, it will not be repaired this fiscal year!” “OH COME THE BUCK ON!!” Amethyst Star screamed. “Also,” the Mayor reminded the crowd, almost as an afterthought, “We do not have the budget this year for repairing the firefly streetlights or erecting new street signs. I suggest any ponies with poor sense of direction invest in their own lanterns, and possibly a map.” As she expected, the stallion whose name she did not bother to remember growled at her. The Mayor sighed serenely; she was on a roll. “Next order of business, city services. Due to cutbacks, we will, as of the end of the month, be closing Ponyville General Hospital…” “Horse apples,” said Rainbow Dash, her head wrapped in a bandage as a result of her latest crash. “…Ponyville Pediatric Clinic…” Sweetie Belle said nothing but sported an extremely worried look, as did Rarity, both all too aware of the last time Sweetie had attempted to cook supper for her friends. “…and the Ponyville Orphanage and Homeless Shelter.” Scootaloo shifted uncomfortably in place as her malformed wings twitched and the assembled townsponies grumbled. “Hey!” some pony called out. Mayor Mare scanned the crowd to see who deigned to interrupt her wonderful speech. It was a green Unicorn with a green and white striped mane, gold eyes, and a lyre cutie mark. The mayor knew her well. “Yes, Lyra?” “So, uh, what about the upcoming Equinox Festival?” Lyra asked, “My musician friends and I are still scheduled to play.” “I’m getting to that. Obviously, since we have to close essential city services, the idea that we have the funds to host any festival at all, much less pay you and your friends for entertaining us, is out of the question. So, yeah. No festival,” she said with a slight grin. Ponyville’s local DJ, Vinyl Scratch, frowned and gave Lyra a few taps on the shoulder coupled with a furtive nod, at which point Lyra called out, “Laaaaaaame!” Lyra’s comment was just the catalyst the mayor had hoped for; the confused talking from the townsponies turned increasingly agitated. Now it was time to move in for the kill. The mayor cleared her throat and dropped her biggest bombshell. “Before I end this speech, I need to remind everypony that, starting next month, our local taxes will rise by ten percent. After all, we have to pay for cleaning up all of Ponyville’s disasters, as well as our city services!” “WHAT city services?!?” several ponies roared in anger. “You just cut everything! And now you’re taking even more money from us?!” others yelled. “You stink!” several ponies groused. “This whole town stinks!!” Raindrops corrected pedantically. The Mayor had anticipated this reaction, and was satisfied. “Thank you for your time, everyone, and good night!” she stepped away from the podium just as three hundred pounds worth of rotten fruits and vegetables flew at her head, along with at least one glass bottle that shattered against the Town Hall as Mayor Mare pretended to barricade herself inside, but in reality slipped out one of its fire exits and made a beeline for her office before ponies found her.