Twilight Sparkle, to be honest, wasn’t having a very good day.
At first, it had started off just fine. She’d woken up, ate breakfast, and quietly attended to her princessly duties along with her other friends. Life had become simple ever since the defeat of Lord Tirek, and she was enjoying the break in pace.
But that had all changed at lunchtime, when she had gone out shopping. Shopping itself was a rather monotonous exercise – she’d long gotten used to the stares of Ponyville citizens at seeing their Princess at an ordinary grocery cart – but she had almost finished her shopping list when a new stall caught her eye. Most ponies seemed to be avoiding the stall, for some reason – but, Twilight being Twilight, her interest had been piqued, and she trotted over.
The cart itself was rather unobtrusive – a simple wood construct, with no definitive markings other than a strange ‘S’ with two lines running vertically through it burned into the front. Not a symbol Twilight recognized, even given her extensive studies – but perhaps it had been made up recently. On top of the cart, a variety of objects were being sold for ridiculously low prices – fifteen, seven, or even just three bits. Among the various items were a broken watch, a compass, some keys, a map of somewhere Twilight didn’t recognize, and what had caught her eye in the first place – an old, worn book with a strange lowercase ‘t’ on the front.
“Jus’ fifteen ‘bits’, yea? Good deal,” the owner remarked, and Twilight looked up – that voice could best be described as sleazy, with a good deal of accent and sounding as though it had made hundreds of similar statements. She stifled a gasp as she got a good look at the owner of this strange cart.
He was gray, all gray, with no mane or tail and a wrinkled appearance that suggested age beyond the average lifespan. His eyes were sunken into the back of his head, and so shriveled that Twilight could barely make out the markings on them – this time a ‘c’, with a single line through each. His Cutie Mark was, unsurprisingly, that same ‘S’ symbol from earlier – perhaps that was the pony’s signature of sorts, Twilight thought in an attempt to distract herself from the pony’s shocking appearance. This, surely, was what had caused other ponies to avoid his stall, but Twilight steeled herself – she was, after all, a Princess of Friendship. She had a reputation to uphold.
“Yes, I’m wondering what this book is… about…” she remarked curiously and suspiciously.
The gray pony looked at it, and smiled. “Ah, yes. This book. Well, to make a long story short-“ here, he winked at her, and Twilight did chuckle a little at the lame joke – “this book’s about morals. Not ta say it’s a bland philosophy text, mind’ja – plenty of action in here! Why, I remember reading about David and Goliath as if I was right there with’em.”
With that, he gave a long, drawn-out, rattling chuckle. Twilight smiled as well, although inside she wanted nothing more than to flee, and placed down the required fifteen bits on the stall.
“I’ll be sure to give it a read, then,” she stated politely, and made to leave.
Over her shoulder, she could hear the stall owner’s last remark – “Thank ye kindly for yer business, ma’am, and if’n anyone asks where ya got that book, tell’em t’was Avarice that sent it to ya.”
Twilight balked at the name – had she heard right? What kind of self-respecting couple named their foal Avarice? But no, she had likely just misheard.
All trepidation had been forgotten as she took the new book home – finally, a new book that she’d never read before! Her entire old collection had been destroyed in an explosion during her fight with Tirek, but through a near-photographic memory and several favors paid from around Equestria, she had amassed a new and slightly bigger one. Unfortunately, due to that same memory, it had been a while since she had come across a book that she’d never seen or heard of before – and judging from this one’s obvious age, it should have been in the historical archives under a preservation spell.
Spike walked up to greet her as she entered, happily munching on a piece of aquamarine.
“Hey, Twi, you look happy. Fifth-dimensional friendship matrix calculation finally worked out?” he asked, somewhat joking.
Twilight gave a happy laugh and nudged him in the ribs. “You know as well as I do that it’s a sixth-dimensional matrix, and I solved it last week. No, I just came across a new book, I’ve never seen it before!”
Spike wasn’t normally the type to share her enthusiasm for such a subject, but he shrugged and motioned for her to show it to him. She laid it out on the table, and Spike hopped into a chair. “So, before you crack this thing open and we lose you for a few hours, wanna tell me how you got it? I didn’t think any book vendors were in the market today,” Spike commented.
Twilight explained about the mysterious gray pony, and Spike immediately narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “I dunno, Twilight, maybe we should think about this. A book you’ve never seen before, and it’s this old? We both know you’ve read every historical text Equestria has.”
Twilight looked at him curiously. “What do you mean, Spike?”
Spike cleared his throat nervously. “I think we should talk to the Princesses about this. After all, that book could be cursed for all we know!”
Twilight laughed. “A random book? Cursed? C’mon, Spike, what are the odds?”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “We had to save you from cursed books three times last month, Twi.”
Twilight’s laugh petered off as she considered this. “Ehehe… well, maybe you’re right. In that case, I suppose I’ll write a letter.” Looking much relieved, Spike took out a quill and paper, and waited for Twilight to dictate.
She had written all she could about the book and how she had come across it, even going so far as to attempt to discern its origins from the bacteria on its cover. To her surprise, the book was, in a word, clean. It was completely antiseptic. This would not in itself be too surprising, except that a spell to do such would have been readily obvious to any magical searches – indicating that either the book was not magical and simply anomalous, or that it contained some very serious power. This and more Twilight had put into her letter, and it was late evening when she finally received a response from Princesses Celestia and Luna. To her dismay and dread, the reply itself was rather short – quite simply, it requested that she come see them at her earliest convenience, and bring the book with her. It also stated that there was no pressing need to bring her friends, but that she could do so if she wished. So, with nothing else forthcoming, Twilight brought the topic up around dinner, which was served in her castle. At first, her story about a new book had been received with about the same level of enthusiasm Spike had had – but when she mentioned the Princesses’ sudden interest, this sparked a bit of conversation.
“And ya said the Princesses wanted ta see it right away?” Applejack clarified. Twilight nodded, and Rainbow Dash shifted in her seat.
“Well, what are we waiting for, let’s go!” she exclaimed, punching a hoof in the air for emphasis.
“Not so fast, Rainbow Dash, some of us have to wrap things up before we go off adventuring willy-nilly,” Rarity countered.
“Oh, yes, Angel would be furious if I didn’t get the chance to tell him,” Fluttershy spoke up, as quiet as ever.
“Well, why don’t we meet back up here an hour after dinner’s over, and head off then?” Twilight suggested.
“Can I bring the Party Cannon?” Pinkie Pie asked excitedly. “Pinkie, you always bring the Party Cannon, whether I say yes or no,” Twilight reminded her.
Pinkie immediately launched into a long-winded explanation on the merits of having a party cannon on one’s person at all times, but Twilight had heard this before and put a hoof to Pinkie’s lips. “Yes, Pinkie, you can bring the Party Cannon,” Twilight exasperatedly answered.
The guards had been instructed to watch over Canterlot Castle while they were away, Spike was watching over the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the mares’ pets, and Rarity had successfully rescheduled her spa day one week forward. They were all waiting on the train, Twilight having packed only the strange book and a few other necessities, and were just pulling up to Canterlot.
“Canterlot Palace, last stop,” the conductor called out, and the six shuffled about, gathering their bags as they exited the train.
To everypony’s surprise, both Princess Celestia and her sister Princess Luna were waiting at the train station, flanked by a squadron of Royal Guards of both Day and Night varieties.
“P-Princess Celestia? What’s all this?” Twilight asked.
“Forgive me, Twilight – this is merely a precautionary measure,” Princess Celestia soothed, sounding as regal as ever. “Please follow us to the castle, where we can discuss this more privately.”
The journey to the castle was a short, but silent one – the train station was close to the palace itself for a reason, and the guards were uncomfortably close to Twilight and her friends. Celestia and Luna, who were probably long used to this, made their way past the throne room to a small corridor and into a dimly lit conference room, which Twilight suspected hadn’t been used for quite some time.
“Let us see this text, Princess Twilight,” Luna asked as soon as the door had shut. Twilight levitated the text over, and Princess Luna accepted it into her own blue magical grasp. “Yes, this is the one I saw, a millennium ago,” she muttered.
“But what’s in it?” Twilight asked, unsure where this was going. Princess Celestia motioned for the eight of them to take seats around the conference table, and cleared her throat.
"Long ago, this world was inhabited by a different species. They called themselves Man, and they had built many wondrous things – for their strength lay not in talons, wings or hooves, but in their hands and the minds behind them. But Man was not without problems – they were constantly fighting themselves, for various reasons – wealth, power, or ideas were the three usual reasons. Eventually, they drove themselves extinct with their own power, never to see the light of day again.”
Rainbow shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “Princess, the history lesson is great and all, but what does it have to do with this book? We’ve seen human stuff in museums before, and it never looked anything like this.”
Princess Celestia didn’t seem to take the question as rude – rather, she nodded as though she had been expecting just such a question to be asked. “This book is one of the oldest artifacts of Man we have ever seen – easily dating to the beginning of their own time. It is a scripture of sorts, laying down what some of them believed was the origin of this world and its laws. It also contains stories of their heroes, and some of their villains, and the tales are collectively known as “the Bible”. And, Princess Luna has read it before.”
Everypony looked over at Princess Luna, who had opened the cover of the book and was muttering “King James Edition” under her breath. Noticing the silence, Luna looked up. “We have determined, so far, that it does not contain any enchantments whatsoever – none insofar as we can detect.”
Pinkie opened her mouth. “But couldn’t a spell get past your detectiony-magic if it were a real doozy?”
Princess Luna smiled. “Indeed it could. But, for the moment, I have partaken in the assumption that this is simply a book – nothing more, nothing less.”
“Well, ah’m as interested as most when it comes to new historical artifacts bein' found, but surely that ain’t the reason we’re here, right Princess Celestia?” Applejack queried.
Once again, Princess Celestia looked as though she’d been waiting for someone to point this out. “Quite so, my little Applejack. You see, the reason we’re so interested in this book is because… well…” Celestia trailed off, and an exasperated snort from Luna brought the attention over to her.
“Oh, for Mother’s sake, ‘Tia. We read it just before we became Nightmare Moon, in a restricted section of the Canterlot library dedicated only to cursed or evil books, and Celestia recently discovered that our copy had vanished a few hundred years ago. Sister, we know you don’t like talking about that time, but it is for their own good that they know the full story,” Luna admonished, and promptly went back to reading.
Princess Celestia cleared her throat once more. “And now you know,” she finished, smiling.
She was about to say something else, but at that moment the sound of a hundred ducks quacking at once shocked her into silence. Discord poofed into existence, lazily coiling above their heads in a pose reminiscent of a Neighsian dragon.
“Well, well, what’s this? Princess, you’ve gone and left me out again – what purpose does my reformation serve if you can’t even trust me to be at your cabinet meetings?” he asked, looking around the room as though hoping to find an answer.
Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Oh my… Discord, I’m very sorry, but I completely forgot to tell you – I would have invited you if I knew you wanted to come,” she apologized.
"Nonsense, dearest Fluttershy. The fault was not yours,” Discord replied warmly. “Now, what is all this hubbub about? Three Princesses and the former Elements of Harmony in one room – it must be something good. Did Tirek escape again? King Sombra, back from the dead, perhaps?” Discord joked.
“Nay, tis’ merely a book, Discord,” Luna exasperatedly answered, and held up the old Bible with her magic for him to see.
To everypony’s surprise, this stopped Discord cold. “Where did you… get that?” he asked carefully, all playfulness gone from his tone.
Twilight quickly explained, and Discord’s mismatched eyes grew wider.
“And this pony’s name was Avarice?” he queried for clarification.
“Yes, it’s a synonym for-“ Twilight started, but Discord stopped her.
“Greed, yes. Twilight, you may have just met a very powerful demon.” The conference room gave over to complete quiet as Discord cleared his throat.
“Those of us who… follow these things know that our world abides by a certain set of rules, for the general order” – here he spat the word, seemingly disgusted that it had come out of his mouth – “of the universe. One of the oldest ones was laid out back when even I was a very, very young draconequus, and goes as follows: Every aspect, emotion and tidbit of the universe is embodied in some respect. Be it the components of Friendship that make up the Elements of Harmony, Chaos, Love, the sun and moon, and many, many more, every little thing is governed by a supreme being of that thing.” Here, Discord pulled out a childishly drawn chart with Princesses Twilight, Celestia, Luna, and Cadance as well as himself at the top, and at the bottom were a bunch of ‘ordinary’ ponies. “This delegates down until you get to things like Cutie Marks, where each pony is a personification of their own special talent, as well as all the other things that come with sentience and culture.” Here, he pulled the back of the chart up, revealing a section above the Princesses with blanked-out faces and crossed-out names. “And, likewise, it extends up, past even your own powerful magics. Now, most of the beings you’ll see up here are locked away in Tartarus, never to escape. But a few we’ve never found – for instance, there has never been a personification of Greed… until now,” Discord finished.
There was utter silence for a moment. “But where did this ‘Avarice’ come from, then? He can’t simply have appeared – somepony must have created him in some fashion,” Luna mused.
Discord nodded. “Indeed. And if you turn to Chapter Six of the Book of Proverbs, line nineteen, I think you might just find the culprit.” Luna did so, and the book was laid out onto the table for everyone to peruse.
“’The Seven Deadly Sins’?” Twilight read out loud.
“And would you look at their names - Lust, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Gluttony, Pride… and Greed,” Discord finished.
“What makes you think Avarice had something to do with this book?” Princess Celestia asked.
Discord snorted in disgust. “Why else would he have sold it? The coincidence, at the very least, is rather suspicious.”
Rarity raised a hoof as though she were still in school. “So, do you think we’ll have to deal with these other ones at some point? ‘Wrath’, ‘Envy’ and the like?” she asked.
Discord put a talon to his beard in thought. “Hard to say. What irks me is that Greed would show his face at all – if he is the actual personification of the concept of greed, he would be a very powerful demon, easily enough to take on everypony in this room. But why, then, would he reveal himself so quickly…?” Finding no answers, the group went into individual conversations for a brief moment.
“Hold on! Something has – something has changed!” Luna cried out after a few minutes, and once more everypony went silent.
“A change? To the Bible? How curious,” Discord muttered.
Luna lifted the Bible over to him, still opened to the page she had been reading. “See for thyself,” she instructed, and Discord took the tome in his paw, pulled out a pair of reading glasses, and began.
“The Binding of Isaac,” he started. “Isaac and his mother lived alone, in a small house on a hill. Well, that’s not right at all,” Discord muttered bemusedly.
“Keep reading – this may just inform us of what to expect,” Luna advised. So Discord kept reading, and the other ponies listened in rapt fascination – for despite his begrudging tone earlier, Discord was an excellent narrator.
“Without hesitation, he flung open the hatch, just as his mother burst in, and threw himself down, into the unknown depths below…” Discord finished, setting the book back down. “Well, that was a rather weighty tale in terms of theme, but I don’t see-“ Discord began, but was interrupted as the book began to glow with white light.
“Shield your eyes!” Celestia commanded, and everypony followed her command – but the book had already stopped glowing.
“What-?” Celestia began, but was interrupted by a massive explosion off in the distance.
After that, everything was chaos – and not, as Discord might have commented were he not fighting for his life, the good kind.