//------------------------------// // Pony Princess Tea Party... // Story: Rise of Sunbutt the Awesome // by BobAlcove //------------------------------// Ponyville Present time... Luna stood in the middle of the Ponyville Main Street and watched from afar as the last remaining smoke clouds over Sweet Apple Acres were blown out of the sky. “They got that fire under control real quick.” The pegasi from the local weather team had done an excellent job in putting out the flames and confining the damage mostly away from town. “It’s Ponyville, Luna. The ponies here are used to catastrophes by now.” She glanced back at her chipper passenger and raised an eyebrow. When they’d first noticed the black smoke, Frank had been hellbent on getting there as fast as possible while plowing through the crowd like a bulldozer. However, to Luna’s confusion, once a weather pony at the entrance told them that nobody got hurt; he simply had turned around with a smile to go back into town without talking to anyone from the Apple family. The novelty of pulling the fuzzy alicorn around in that wagon had worn off pretty quickly after that. Now back in the seat and in immensely good spirits, he’d done everything in his might to make it more comfortable by constantly switching sitting positions. The current one definitely looked cozy from the way his body practically melted into the cushion, but also didn’t give much room for imagination with everything on full display. She snapped when he started to clap the hooves of his hindlegs together to the rhythm of “We will rock you” between full-blown spread-eagles. “For the love of sun and moon, stop flaunting yourself and sit properly!” Frank complied grudgingly, although he didn’t get what the big deal was. Equestrian decency confused him to no end in that regard. Sometimes ponies wore clothes and sometimes they don’t. A saddle was sometimes just a saddle, but other times the raunchiest piece of clothing you could wear. Wearing no clothes was completely acceptable, unless you give somebody a free look behind your tail. And even then, only in certain cases. Frank looked up in the sky and frowned at the pegasi passing by at a low altitude. “What about them? None of those ponies bother to cover up while they zoom around town. We’re surrounded at all times by indecency.” Luna huffed in annoyance and also glanced upwards, watching several flying ponies with a bored expression. Which turned pretty fast into a look of horror when she became more and more aware or her surroundings. At one point, Luna visibly recoiled from a stallion hovering with his hips on her eye level. Welcome to the crotch parade. ”Oh god you’re right!” Luna pulled the confused stallion down on his hooves with magic and averted her eyes to the ground, “Everyone is flaunting themselves! I flew before, I’ve flaunted myself!” Seeing her distress, Frank got out of the wagon and hugged her tightly. “Shhh, it’s ok. The crotches won’t get you.” “Oh, shut up and let me sulk for a bit.” Luna said, increasing the pressure of the hug, “Any other insights you want to shatter my worldview with?” “Do you want to hear my theory about unicorn flight through self-levitation?” Luna chuckled. “No, no I don’t.” They shared a look of understanding. “Tia?” “Yes?” Her hoof slowly approached Frank’s face, brushing his cheek gently. He shivered under her touch and waited with bated breath for possible things to come. Images of deeds ran rampant in his mind, ranging from innocent to downright blush-inducing. People often say that things are seldom as good as imagined. This saying held true as Luna removed her hoof from his face, taking a certain object with it to dangle in front of him. “Where did you get those sunglasses?” Frank stared at the accursed piece of headwear and smiled nervously. “The magic of friendship?” Luna’s eye twitched as response. “Care to explain, why you summoned these, despite the fact I clearly told you not to use your magic while you’re recovering?” At this point, the sensible thing would’ve been to man up and stare the consequences in the face with dignity. “I thought that was more meant as a suggestion than an actual order.” Sadly for him, he decided to be cute about it. “We’re gonna have a long and intensive talk about our communication as a couple later.” Luna used her own magic to puff the sunglasses out of existence. “For now, we’ve reached our destination. Is there a special reason for why you wanted to visit the library?” Yes there was. And a very important one at that. Inside the quaint tree library was someone crucial to his plan and whose confrontation Frank had put off for way too long. “I thought about spending a bit of time with Twilight to calm the waves between us.” Luna stopped before her hoof made contact with the door. “Why would that be necessary?” Frank sighed. “We didn’t split on the best of terms yesterday. You weren’t there to see it and I downplayed the experience a bit this morning, but at the end of day we actively tried to kill each other. That’s why I’m glad you’re with me.” “Elaborate.” Frank snuggled closer to Luna. “You can defend me if she tries to kick my ass... please?” “Why should I do that if you totally deserve it?” Her coldness upset him a bit, in spite of the fact that she was right. He could agree with having brought this on himself with his shenanigans. Then again, he wasn’t fond of getting obliterated either. “Because I’m defenseless like a kitten. I would end up as a red stain on the carpet, if she decides to get violent. Pretty please? I’ll do anything you want!” He got extra close to her left ear and breathed the next part with heavy emphasis on every word. “Anything you want…” They had gotten a bit farther in the last days as a couple, starting to get comfortable with the idea of open intimacy. An innocent kiss here, a little cuddle there, although nothing close to second base. Frank doubted he could even see third base from where they stood right now. “Stupid sexy Tia…” Even though Luna seemed not as averse to the idea as he believed she would be. A thought that warmed his heart. “No word to Twilight about our little financial problem. The poor dear might be very good at snuffing out villains, but otherwise falters too quickly under pressure. I don’t want to stress her into soiling herself like last time.” “Something she apparently has in common with her mentor.” Luna said smugly, before she asked him a question with a much more insecure tone. “You hold her in really high regards, don’t you?” Frank blinked a few times, trying to comprehend what she was getting at. Luna should be aware of how much Celestia valued her student. There was no need for her to ask something she already knew the answer of. Unless... “Tia… while I was gone… did you ever… with Twilight...?” That was certainly something Frank could put on his list of things he never expected to be asked. Be it a pony or not. It took some time for him to really appreciate the full meaning behind this question as the implications hit him like a truck. His supposed sister and romantic love interest wanted to know, if he’d had been in an illicit relationship with the mare that was almost like a daughter to the pony whose body he inherited. That was the ultimate debauchery recipe: I’d like some questionable case of incest with the alleged seduction of an at that point minor on top, and a smudge of adultery sprinkled in for good measure. Frank didn’t know what irked him more, that Luna asked such a thing, or how easily he fit that description in a certain light for someone who wasn’t him. Two out of three he could’ve debunked right now, if it weren’t for the fact that Frank would have to come out in the open with his true identity and risk a lot more than his image. A cough from the supposedly closed door made him freeze. “No she didn’t. I don’t consider myself good marefriend material.” “Oh thank god, this was getting weird!” Frank thought, taking notice of the two newcomers to their conversation. Twilight and Rarity. “You see, Luna? The mare testified for me. No hanky-panky between us here,” Frank said with a winning smile, “for the record, I’m not saying that you are not pretty, Twilight. You would have to beat off suitors with a stick with the right accessories and little touch-ups.” Rarity nodded vehemently. “I’ve been saying that since I met her!” The mare in question blushed slightly, evidently not accustomed to be praised in that kind of way. “Also there is one thing you’re unrivaled in.” “Magic? Solving Friendship problems? My organization skills?” Twilight asked, unaware of Frank taking a few steps back to gain momentum. After a run-up and mighty pounce he was upon her. Twilight shrieked as Frank used his head to nudge her over, similar to the way he’d done it the day before. The follow-up was a merciless assault of tickles, rubs, and slobbery belly farts all over that adorable little tummy. “Luna you have to try this. It’s so soft!” he said, burying his muzzle back into Twilight’s abdomen under her hysteric squeals. Nobody took note of the slight temperature drop, paired with the darkening of Luna’s facial features while he kept toying with Twilight on the ground. Frank took an accidental whiff of Twilight’s breath and scrunched his nose from the strong smell. He inched uncomfortably close to her mouth and smelled again, making Luna grind her teeth. After a quick look around, he noticed the uncorked bottle and two half-empty wine glasses on the table. That, and the presence of Rarity rather than anyone else, told him pretty much everything he needed to know about their get together. The only thing missing was two tubs of ice cream. Out of courtesy he asked anyway. “Have you been drinking?” Then something soured his mood. Strong and capable Twilight reduced herself to a kid with slumped shoulders and a tail between her legs. The poor thing looked at him like she expected the worst punishment for her transgression. He didn’t know what kind of treatment she was expecting, but Twilight obviously didn’t anticipate to be picked up and cradled like a little foal in his strong forelegs. “Awesome! We can be drinking buddies!” Frank took the biggest bottle in reach and shoved the neck of it down her throat. After a few good gulps, she spit out the remaining red fluid in her cheeks in a large fountain. “Wow, that was at least ten feet! See Luna? That’s how you have fun!” The wounded look on Luna’s face went unnoticed in the turmoil. “I’m fun…” “Think of all the new things we can do now,” Frank rejoiced, twirling Twilight around under plane noises “How about a little barbecue on my ship with lots of beer and high quality steaks? I have saved some wonderful beef for such an occasion.” “Like we had at the restaurant?” Luna asked meekly. “Even better,” Frank answered without paying much attention to her, fully entranced by giddiness of finding a potential new booze companion, “Nobody beats me when it comes to barbecuing. You gonna love it, Twilight!” Rarity wondered if Luna’s coat color had gone a few shades darker or if she was just imagining it. The green hue on Twilight’s face spoke either volumes about her willingness to join him into carnivorous behaviour, a sign of minor alcohol poisoning, or a mixture of both. “You don’t have to eat my lovingly prepared meal. There’s enough booze to entertain your new vice,” Frank cooed and went back to tickling that purple bulge, “who’s got the most adorable little pot belly? You do, yes you do, my faithful little alcoholic!” Now Rarity definitely could see a difference in Luna. Black wasn’t blue after all. Twilight looked very disgruntled from being doused in spit wine and getting called a fat drunk. It didn’t take more than a minute though, between the soft swaying and the soothing sensation of rubbing on her tummy before the scowl changed into an expression of bliss. One of her hindlegs even started twitching and kicking. Frank looked right when Rarity gasped in shock and something big plopped on the ground besides him. For a second, he wondered who that ebony femme fatale underneath him could be. That was until Frank mentally put the mare in starmetal platemail with matching helmet. The penny dropped with a vengeance as she lolled her body to present her cutie mark. “Look at that moon… Sweet mother have mercy…” Nightmare Luna was giving him a hard glare with familiar cat-like eyes which would have worried him, if she hadn’t been simultaneously lying on her back with her belly presented. “I can’t accept that assessment until you have thoroughly compared hers with mine.” The sultriness of that voice was mindblowing, short-circuiting his brain into inaction. Her slender forelegs wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer for a nibble on his lower lip. Then Luna pouted with unconcealed jealousy and Frank practically melted inside. “Obey your mistress, minion.” Rarity just stared as the supposed ruler and most influential pony of the nation gave bellyrubs to two other princesses, with Luna purring like a housecat and Twilight slowly getting buried under the royal pile. She ran for a bucket of cold water when the moaning started. Some time later... “Pretty good tea.” “Thank you.” “Loose leaf?” “Bag.” “I see.” A dripping wet Frank nodded at Twilight and took another sip from his cup, soaking in the awkward tension of his table companions. The unnightmared and equally drenched Luna with her vain effort to hide the embarrassment behind a forced smile, wet Twilight staring apathetic into the distance like a shell-shocked veteran, and bone dry Rarity playing regal while doing her best to ignore everything. Frank didn’t have such scruples to address the elephant in the room. “I made out with my sister in your library, Twilight.” “Yes, you did.” “With you underneath us.” “Yes, I was.” “Are you upset with me?” Twilight tilted her head to let some water out of the left ear. “Yes, I am.” “Should we have included you more?” “Yes… I MEAN NO!” The cup in Luna’s aura splintered loudly into pieces. Frank, smart enough to see oblivion when he stared into its face, decided to quickly change the subject. “Twilight, listen to me. I’ve got something very important to ask you.” His sudden seriousness caused the three mares to focus their full attention on him. “I know the recent days have been strenuous on your body and mind, but I need you to thoroughly think this through before you answer.” Twilight was on the edge of her seat at this point. “Do you like parade floats?” Her mouth opened to answer, but nothing audible came out of Twilight’s throat. She leaned back on her chair with a thoughtful look and took a sip from her tea. A hoof started to draw imaginary shapes and lines on the table under her quiet mumbles. After several minutes she threw her hooves in the air. “I give up! What’s that supposed to mean?” “Let me rephrase the question,” Frank said to Twilight, who was eagerly waiting for a second chance, “if you had to ride on a parade float down Ponyville, how would it have to be? Once again her mouth opened without a single word coming out. She finally managed to press out a quiet question. “How is that of any importance?” Frank put on a look of mock hurt. “Don’t tell me, you didn’t read my program for the last day? It’s part of a princesses duty to be informed about events in her kingdom. Have you been tardy?” Twilight was thoroughly unimpressed. “Don’t try to make it sound like you’re actually working these days, Sunbutt.” Silence reigned supreme in the library. While Luna and Rarity were baffled from this open display of disrespect, Frank couldn’t have been more happy and proud. A week ago, a comment like that would’ve been simply impossible to say for her. Purple smart was off his luscious teats, figuratively speaking. Literally speaking, Frank had no idea if he even had those. Luna had nibbled on something earlier though, and he resisted the urge to check immediately as Twilight addressed him further. “I read the program quite thoroughly, but I wonder what ‘Super Princess-powered Fun Time’ means in terms of actual content?” Frank grinned. “It’s exactly what it says on the paper. My plan is to devote all of my princessy-powers into making the last day as enjoyable as possible for everyone involved and was hoping that you and Luna would help me with that.” Rarity beamed with enthusiasm. “That sounds delightful. Could I join and help?” Frank shrugged. “Of course you can.” “I thought you wanted this to be only for princesses, Tia.” Usually he loved Luna’s forwardness and uncomplicated way of doing things. This was not one of those times. She had completely crushed the hopes of poor Rarity with a single remark and forced Frank into damage control. “What Luna meant to say is that I promised you a title, didn’t I?” All of them looked mystified at him, which was understandable for Luna and Twilight. Former was in Canterlot at the time and the latter had herself barricaded in her bathroom out of embarrassment. Frank had suspected that at least Rarity remembered the generous rounds of presents he’d given out to each of them since then. He made Rainbow Dash a Wonderbolt at the same day for Pete’s sake! Comprehension dawned on Rarity’s face. “You don’t mean…” “As a matter of form, we’ve got to go through the correct procedure. Twilight, give me a spellbook.” Several tomes levitated in front of Frank in a purple aura. “Which one?” “Doesn’t really matter,” Frank said and grabbed the first in reach. They watched him flipping through the pages. “No, no, no… ah this looks good.” Frank showed Rarity the current page with a simple spell for creating a green hat. “Do that, but make it blue.” Rarity frowned. “Blue is a terrible color for that kind of hat.” “Then make it red.” “Red!? For goodness sake, that would be a travesty!” “Black!” She drew a sharp breath and raised a hoof to say something, but the agitated look and bared teeth of Frank convinced her otherwise. After a short time of concentration and focusing her magic in a light blue aura on the table, a black version of the hat in the book appeared. “New magic, check. We’ll be right back.” A bright flash illuminated the room, temporarily blinding everyone present. When their eyesight returned, Luna and Twilight noticed that they were the only ones remaining. Frank and Rarity had vanished without a trace. Another bright flash followed a few moments later, in which Frank reappeared in the library with Rarity during the last stage of a solo song. “… For it's time for you to fulfill your destinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” The two princesses that had been left behind, stared with wide open mouths at Rarity and her brand-new pair of wings. In one fluid motion Frank took the tiara from his head and put it on hers. “There, done. How does Princess Rarity sound?” “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” Frank ignored Twilight’s outcry and mustered Rarity in her new alicorn form. The golden headpiece was several sizes too big and kept shifting around without her holding it in place. She looked like a kid playing dress-up with that thing, but Frank deduced that the usually so fashion conscious unicorn didn’t mind from the tears of happiness and lip quivering. Stop. Make that a fashion conscious alicorn with really gorgeous white wings. A glance to Luna told him that she currently wasn’t watching him, occupied with rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. Using the opportunity, Frank scrounged some of his magic power together to complete Rarity’s ensemble with a golden sash and a bouquet of flowers. ”Tell me Miss Rarity, what are you gonna do, now that you are officially a princess?” Twilight deadpanned. “It can’t possibly be that easy. She would be princess of what exactly?” Frank responded by petting her head. “Twilight, don’t be a wet blanket and try to feel happy for your friend. The clubhouse is big enough.” “Yeah!” Rarity said, fondly caressing the expensive headgear she was wearing, before she firmly grabbed Twilight by the neck, “Don’t you dare ruin this for me!” “She’s got a point, though.” “No she doesn’t!” The resounding bang of Rarity’s hoofstomp filled the room. Everyone, including Rarity, stared at the gaping crack in the floor which was essentially one massive piece of carved out oak. The thought that ascending a pony with neurotic tendencies into an alicorn may haven’t been the best idea inhabited Frank. Then again, Celestia had done it with Twilight, and Luna wasn’t the most stable pony either. Not to mention Frank himself... Maybe a mental abnormality was mandatory for the job. He put his hooves on her shoulders to calm Rarity down. “We need a little addendum to make your title sound special and important. A big thing to make you princess of something that anybody can see, or some vague philosophical concept that nobody would dare to question it’s realness.” “How about ‘Princess of beauty’?” said a voice from below, “It would describe you perfectly Rarity. I didn’t think it was possible, but you look even more stunning than before.” Twilight rolled with her eyes and Luna giggled from Spike’s adorable attempt to be charming. Frank had other thoughts going through his head as he observed the dragon with a frown. “When the heck did he enter room? Spike really knows how to be inconspicuous.” “Those wings are the prettiest I’ve ever seen.” “But not when he is laying it on a way too thick.” Rarity gave Spike a peck on the cheek. “Oh Spikey Wikey, always the little charmer.” “Um, I think the cookies are done!” Spike ran quickly back into the kitchen.The way he moved looked really weird to Frank, but also strangely familiar. Not to mention that the little dragon had just brought the cookies with a tray. Nobody else noticed or cared, so he left it alone and continued his earlier point. “Finding a title for Twilight was easy. She hasn’t got much else going on in her life other than friendship.” “I so do! Plenty of things!” Frank helped himself to some cookies. “What are you complaining about? Luna and I have the much worse deals. I’m the Princess of a giant mass of incandescent gas where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees.” He shoved a few more cookies in his mouth, until he got a fierce poke in the side that made him almost choke on them. ”Oh, and Luna governs a grey rock.” Luna glared at him. “What?” Frank said with a full mouth, spraying her with cookie crumbs, “It’s a nice rock! We’ve been there! I merely simplified it for Twilight so she can follow.” Twilight frowned while he frantically wiped the food from Luna’s unamused face. “You’re not helping your case by insulting me.” “That wasn’t an insult.” Frank tried to get off some chocolate chips, but only rubbed it deeper into the blue coat as brown splotches and got a fierce slap on the hoof. “Believe me, I would talk very differently with you if that was my intention. I’m just teasing a friend for kicks.” It was right then and there, when he found the perfect way to convince Twilight to help him. “We are still friends, aren't we?” She flinched. Twilight considered herself an expert on friendship, and as such she would not be able to resist the urge to apply her expertise on a friendship problem. All the more if she got the golden opportunity to do it with her idol. Frank bit his tongue to get some fake tears rolling. “I mean, I could totally understand if you want to abandon your friendship with me.” Hook, line and sinker. “Of course I’m still your friend! Let me get you a handkerchief!” “You’re a dear, Twilight,” Frank said, barely capable of hiding the grin behind the piece of cloth he got handed out. She might not be as demure as before, but still was gullible as hell. A trait which hopefully would be cured next. For her sake. “Is that actually your plan?” Luna hissed into Frank’s ear while he kept hiding his face behind the outspread handkerchief, “gaining favour with the masses to soften the outcry and roping Twilight into this without her knowledge?” “Partly.” The disapproval was clearly evident on her face. He most likely would have to explain himself thoroughly later. For now, Luna kept silent and Frank was thankful for that. “It would really mean a lot to me if you’d help me. And It will be a fun time between all the important princesses of Equestria!” “What about Cadence?” Twilight asked, taking a sip from her tea. “What about Cadence?” Frank replied, also taking a sip of tea to move it around his mouth like he wanted to get a nasty taste out, “I said ‘important’, didn’t I?” His reaction didn’t go unheeded with the the other mares on the table as they shared glances. Luna was the one to break the awkward silence. “You dislike our niece?” “Not particularly, Luna.” Frank swilled the remaining tea around in his cup. “It’s more like complete indifference to her existence. Cadence is just a bland pony to be around and her general appearance really irritates me. Most of all her mane, that looks like from a toy for little foals.” Twilight started playing with her hair, while Luna tried to see herself in a silver spoon. “Don’t worry, you two have beautiful designs and colors,” Frank said, defusing the self-conscious looks the two had given themselves, “although you should get different fashion advisers. The dresses we got to Twilight’s coronation were mindbogglingly hideous. I burned mine and never looked back. I kept the giant crown though, because that thing is awesome!” Rarity heartily agreed. “I have no objections to that! The stitchwork was dreadfully amateurish and the choice of color makes me believe the designer must have sewn them blindfolded!” Frank thought of something nice. “Would you mind being in charge of the royal wardrobe from now on?” “That would be lovely, I have so so many ideas! Thank you princess!” “My pleasure, princess.” Eyes rolled and faces were hoofed, but Frank didn’t let it bother him as he giggled in unison with Rarity like a schoolgirl. “Oh god, I forgot how adorable Rarity can be!” One hour later... “Oh god, I forgot how boring Rarity can be!” Spring fashion, summer fashion, fall fashion, winter fashion, in between and catch up season fashion, casual fashion, formal fashion, sorta casual but in the immediate vicinity of being formal fashion, fashion that is focused on looking unintended, fashion to emphasize your effort, and so on ad nauseum. The flow of words out of this pony’s mouth wouldn’t stop and it drove Frank to the brink of insanity. “I wonder if I can eat my own face, if I tried hard enough… wait a second… I haven’t heard the phrases ‘haute couture’ and ‘je ne sais quoi’ for a while. Is she finished? And how do these ponies know french anyway? I really could go for a baguette with herbed butter...” “This festival has been a wonderful time for me, both financially and entertainment-wise. The costume party alone made a fortune in contracts and helped me get a lot of experience in making clothes for different species.” “...warm and crisp with some bacon sprinkles…” “The intricate cuts that were needed for a minotaur made my head spin.” “Her legs look like giant marshmallow rolls.” “I’m bursting with ideas for the future.” “I wonder if she’d get mad if took a small nibble on those hooves to make sure. Luna tastes a bit like blueberries after all… “ “At the risk of repeating myself, I really have to thank you, Princess Celestia.” “Didn’t stop you before from rambling about the same thing for the last hour! And why are you looking at me like that? Oh right, a response!” “You’re tasty… uh.. welcome. Welcome is what I meant.” Twilight decided to give her two cents. “Some events and decisions aside, I agree with you. I’m just sad that my B.B.B.F.F. couldn’t come.” A retching sound echoed through the room. Luna, Twilight and Rarity looked around for the source which appeared to be Frank, but his face and demeanor was completely neutral when their gazes met his. “Forgive me Twilight, but what is a B.B.B.F.F.?” There it was again, right after Luna’s question. A vicious noise somewhere between a gurgle and hacking cough, undoubtedly from the largest princess in the room. All three of them were quick enough this time to see the corners of Frank’s mouth going back to their normal position. “It’s an abbreviation. B.B.B.F.F. stands for Big Brother Best—” A purple blast hit Frank square in the face. He didn’t feel any pain from the impact and wanted to blink, but couldn’t regardless of how hard he tried. His whole head was encased in a purple bubble, freezing all motion in the most bizarre grimace of disgust possible. Thankfully he hadn’t flinched, or he’d be blind right now from unmovable eyelids. As it was, he could clearly see Luna’s horn that had barely stopped an inch away from Twilight’s neck. Frank would’ve gasped with relief if he’d been able to. He’d asked Luna to be his bodyguard earlier and her eagerness moved him deeply, but his little moonflower seemed a bit over-motivated. “Aha!” Twilight pointed at Frank’s magically frozen face, unaware of how closely she’d avoided impalement. She noticed Luna standing behind her though. “Can I help you, princess?” Luna narrowed her eyes. “No, I’m good. And as long as you don’t hurt her, so are you.” “Don’t worry. It’s just a simple binding spell to prove my point,” Twilight responded, feeling an eery tingle running down her spine from the way Luna had said those words. Frank rubbed his cheeks and pressed desperately against his jaw to close it, but it didn’t budge an inch out of the magical grip. He couldn’t even feel the purple hoof that poked his nose. “You just made a face and retched when I mentioned my brother!” He started a long string of grunts and gurgles. “Come again?” Frank unfolded the handkerchief and pointed at the desk with writing material behind Twilight. Understanding his intention, she gave him a quill and an inkwell. Everyone watched him as he used the delicate utensil between his forelegs with awe-inspiring finesse and lots of intricate flourishes. A pony’s hoofwriting, especially one that could do magic, was usually terrible or downright unreadable with very basic shapes. Frank put the quill aside, mulled over his writing, folded the handkerchief two times, and pushed it over the table to Twilight who took it with reverence before unfolding. Luna and Rarity came around the table to read the three lines of text over her shoulder: You’ve got quite the sadistic streak behind that nerdy demeanor. Unresolved family issues, sexual frustration, or both? The sudden purple hooves around his neck weren’t gentle. “YOU WILL TELL ME THIS INSTANT!” “What did I say earlier about hurting my sister?” The midnight blue hooves around the neck of Twilight weren’t gentle either, as Luna literally tried to wring the purple out of her face. The three of them built quite the choke train with Frank as the manhandled conductor on the way to Painville. The magic bubble faded somewhere along the line when Twilight’s face changed from red with anger to blue from lack of oxygen. Frank used the opportunity to croak something, before any of them would find out how immortal they really are. “I... hate the guy...” Twilight loosened her grip. “Excuse me?” It was true that he held a deep affection for the show and it’s characters to the point of unhealthy obsession. That affection didn’t make him overlook certain aspects of the show that irked him though. Some of them, like Discord’s reformation, he got over pretty easily once the story progressed and the Discoshy fanart hit the internet. He was a sucker for the “Beauty and the Beast” kind of stories. The jury on Twilight’s ascension was still out in his regard, but what could a pair of wings ultimately change? Shining Armor on the other hand, was a whole different story. “You heard me. I hate him. With a fiery passion that rivals the sun, I hate him. I would gladly raise the sun earlier in the morning to have more time in the day to hate him.” Frank never had an ounce of affection for Shining Armor that he could have lost. For all intents and purposes he regarded the stallion as a stupid piece of eye candy, coming out of nowhere and tainting his beloved show. Not even Flash Sentry grinded his gears that much. He’d never seen the movie and the stallion never had appeared in the actual show to this point, as timewise, Frank had landed in Equestria right after season three and didn’t even know about season four. “Cadence may have a personality that is boring as dirt, but at least she has one. Every time I look at that waste of space, I feel like he robbed me of an experience by blocking sight of something way more interesting just behind him. Something like grass or a decently painted wall.” Luna pulled his leg. “Tia? I think we get it.” “Doesn’t help that he’s also incompetent as hell…” “That’s quite enough, sister.” “... we might have been better off with Chrysalis taking over. She was smoking hot!” “THANK YOU TIA!” Once again those cat eyes drilled into him, making Frank hopelessly lost between being afraid and incredibly turned on. He stuck a hoof into his mane and pulled out a flask. “I need a drink.” “No you don’t!” Luna grabbed it from his grasp. “Give me that! The royal mane is not a place for storing beverages!” “Luna! There’s so much empty space!” “What else have you put in there?” Luna asked, at first letting her head and then almost her whole body disappear into Frank’s mane. “Not my wine cellar!” Frank pulled, shoved, and occasionally copped a feel on her remaining posterior sticking out, but his desperate pleas and efforts to get Luna out of his manespace had little success. “We’re gonna get rid of all this, Tia. You got a problem.” “Please, let me keep the minotaur whiskey!” “All of it. There’s someone in here with me. Tia, who is that?” “That’s Letrotski. He’s fixing the radiator.” Frank whimpered in defeat and turned his attention to Twilight and Rarity while Luna kept cleaning house in his mane. What he saw from Twilight disturbed him. Frank instantly recognized something in those eyes and puffed out cheeks. Twilight’s face lit up with malice as her brain had undoubtedly had brought forth something from the deepest pits. This was the look of a pony who would say something very stupid. In a last ditch effort, he attempted to soften the blow. “Twilight, think very clearly before you open your mouth now.” It was already too late. “At least my brother is not a complete retard like another prince I know.” She had dropped the mother-of-all turds, and this time in verbal form. All sound from inside his mane stopped. “Wow, what a plothole.” “Not helping, Letrotski!” Twilight’s smugness about shocking Frank vanished quickly, when Luna slowly pulled herself out of his mane with the grimmest expression he’d ever seen on a pony. He knew for certain that Twilight wasn’t aware of Blueblood’s condition, but couldn’t help but wince at her poor choice of words. A sudden realization hit him as the table between them flew across the room in a midnight blue aura. “HOW DARE YOU?!” Luna didn’t know that Twilight didn’t know. The following minutes were kind of a blur to him with how many things happened at the same time: “LET ME AT HER! I’LL RIP HER UNDESERVED WINGS OUT!” A lot of screaming. “COME ON I KICKED YOUR FLANK BEFORE, NIGHTMARE MOON!” Counter screaming. “I’LL END YOU, WELP!” “DOES THAT INCLUDE MY SUPERIOR BELLY, MOONFLANK?” And petty insults below the belt. “GRRRRR!!!” Luckily both of them didn’t use their magic, too eager to rely directly on their appendages to cause bodily harm. You would think that Luna had the natural advantage with being in a completely different weight class, but Twilight managed to make up for her lack of brawn with the fury of an unleashed attack dog. “SHE BIT ME! THE WITCH BIT ME!” Complete with snarling and growling like one. Rarity and Frank managed with difficulty to wedge between those two to separate them. He was currently using the full weight of his glorious posterior to immobilize Luna by sitting on her, while Rarity did something with a similar effect on Twilight through a choke hold from behind. “Darling, I resent that I have to apply my self-defense training against you, but you’re behaving very unladylike at the moment.” From the way Twilight was wheezing under her grip, Frank assumed that there was a lot of pressure behind those falsely frail looking marshmallow legs, “now be nice, or I’ll have to cut off the blood flow to your head to incapacitate you.” Twilight growled, apparently unwilling to comply as she tried to gnaw off Rarity’s hoof. The fashionista clicked with her tongue disapprovingly from the slobber on her white coat. “Alternatively, I could powerbomb you face-first into the solid oak floor. My hoof made cracks, but I think your skull might be thick enough to leave a hole.” “Damn, Rarity is scary!” Frank thought, “forget Applejack, I’m so glad I didn’t do anything to get on her bad side.” Meanwhile, Luna fruitlessly struggled to get free from under the heavy mass of well-toned flesh and pristine white coat that was Frank’s buttocks, but seized all her efforts when he casually lifted his rump a bit to let it fall back down with force. “I’m impressed Rarity, that hold looks very effective. Who taught you that?” “A lady needs to know how to defend herself,” Rarity said, turning fully towards Frank and dragging the much more subdued Twilight with her, “when I got to the age where males began to show interest, my father was more than happy to show me some moves from his youth to fend off stallions that get too pushy.” Frank noticed a blue glow under him from Luna’s horn and flicked it with his hoof to stop her. “I’m sorry about the rude behaviour of my sister and lovely marefriend. Like me, she’s got a soft spot for our little nephew.” He noticed Rarity’s discomfort by the mention of Blueblood. “I’m sure Twilight didn’t mean to say such ghastly things about Prince Blueblood and I would be honored to meet him again to rectify our differences from the gala.” “That’s very ‘generous’ of you,” Frank said with an eyebrow wiggle and raised his right foreleg for a hoofbump. The unimpressed stare he got in return made him lower it again quickly and focus his attention elsewhere. “Luna, I’m going to get up now to see how Spike is doing in the kitchen. Are you ready to be civil about this whole situation?” “Yur thu un sithing o mah face!” “Yes or no, dear?” “Scru yu!” Frank made himself a bit more comfortable. “You’re living quite dangerous on your current position. I can’t exactly recall what I had to eat yesterday, but I clearly remember lots of beans and hot spice.” The visible part of Luna’s nose under his butt paled. “Yu wudn’t dure!” Of course he wouldn’t, but she didn’t know that as he lifted his butt for another bomb. “Couple or not, I’m still your sister and torturing younger siblings is what we do!” “Alright, alright I give! No more fighting!” Luna said, shoving Frank off. He helped Luna off the ground and dusted the dirt of her coat with a smile. “See? Isn’t that better?” “I hate you.” Luna’s words shouldn’t have fazed him that much. She hadn’t even looked very angry while saying it. Many people have said those kind of things to him in the past and some of them well-deserved at the time. Frank tried teeth-gnashingly to keep the conciliating smile on his face, when on the inside, he was grumbling like a cookie. “Keep calm Frank. Luna isn’t in the right state of mind and doesn’t know what she’s saying. There’s no way she actually…” His sight got blurry from moisture, this time not self-inflicted. “Holy shit, that hurts like hell! Since when am I so sensitive? Get a grip you pansy!” He quickly went for the kitchen to get some needed distance between them. “Wait!” Luna stumbled on her hooves and hurried after Frank. She catched up at the doorframe, pulling on his tail to stop him. Frank turned around to face her, fully expecting another tongue-lashing, just to have said tongue pushed deeply inside his mouth. “Love you too,” she said quietly afterwards, biting his lower lip like before. “I expect something as compensation for this.” The little nip moved Frank out his stupor. “With pleasure... mistress.” And just like that, all of his worries from earlier were gone. It had only took three little words and a gesture of affection to make Frank’s world right again. With his spirits invigorated and slightly light-headed, he sauntered into the kitchen to do exactly what he’d said for a change: Checking if Spike had something to eat. All that ruckus had awakened his appetite and the cookies from earlier had been decent enough for him to look forward to some cake. Spike was nowhere to be seen in the room, but all of his baking utensils were still strewn around in the whole area. The only way out of the kitchen was through the door he’d entered from, and Frank hadn’t seen him leave. And even if Spike had managed to leave without him noticing, the small dragon usually wasn’t hard to find when Rarity was around. So where was he? “Spike?” A small whimper came from the cupboard under the sink. “There you are!” Frank ripped the doors open. “Where were you when my sister and Twilight almost bashed each other’s skulls in? You squandered a perfect opportunity to show off some muscle in front of Rarity.” Spike said nothing and just sat there pressed against a corner with his back turned to him. “Hey, are you ok little guy?” “It won’t go away…” “What won’t?” Frank started to worry. “Pain? Did you hurt yourself? Let me take a look at you.” “No!” The downtrodden dragon was suddenly full of vigor. He struggled and flailed, but to no avail against the much bigger alicorn pulling him out in the open. One of his claws was currently holding onto a bucket, covering up the complete front of his body. That claw lost grip when Frank lifted Spike from the ground. While he was held in front of Frank, the bucket slid down and remained suspended around Spike’s groin without anything holding it up. Nothing that Frank could see anyways. “Oh I get it now, you’re talking about your boner.” The relief was almost palpable as the anxiety fell of Frank’s shoulders. That feeling only did last until he realized that only a few inches of air and some sheet metal separated his face from a genuine dragon bone. “I’ll close my eyes while you think about Granny Smith in lingerie.” Spike paled. “Why?” “Just do it.” The little dragon complied and furrowed his brow in concentration. A few seconds later Frank heard the bucket hit the ground. “It worked! Look!” “I would goddamn hope it does!” Frank thought as he opened his eyes with a motherly smile to hide his inner turmoil, “otherwise this talk would get even more difficult. How do I approach this delicately?” As he mused over his course of action, Spike had continued his sulking. “It will come back! The stupid thing always does! It’s so embarrassing and everyone will look at me weird when they find out!” Frank sighed and looked him directly into the eyes. “How old are you?” A look of hurt washed over his face and Spike went slack in his arms. “You don’t know?” Frank nuzzled his cheek. “I’m ancient Spike, please cut me some slack. I don’t even know my own exact age anymore.” It wasn’t such a bad cop-out and technically no lie, since he really had no idea how old this body could be. Also it seemed to appease Spike from his disappointment as he answered with a puffed out chest. “I’m turning thirteen next month.” That surprised him greatly. Here he was, treating Spike like a toddler, and the little rascal was already a teenager! Frank remembered that time of his life with no fondness. Insecurities about his manliness and appeal to females, confusing new rules to follow, even more insecurities, and goddamn acne. So much acne. What made it so much worse for Spike than for him though, was the circumstance that he didn’t have anything or anyone to look for guidance. There was no male role model within reach, let alone something like the internet or late night TV to show him the facts of life. He shuddered from the mental image of how limited everything must have been in the days of his parents. And Equestria was in the erotic dark ages compared to even that. “Spike you’re currently in a very shitty age, but believe me that more and more ways to relieve that stress will open up the older you get.” “Like what?” “When a stallion and a mare like each other very much…” Spike grimaced and raised his claw to interrupt him. “I know all that. Twilight was very thorough and graphical with my sex ed.” Frank pictured how Twilight would give private lessons, and surprised himself by how easy he could see her in the role of a stern teacher disciplining the bad student. He drifted off in a very special place inside of his mind with a dopey smile and glazed over eyes. “Do you think she might help me to do the same thing with Blueblood?” Spike had enough from being held in the air and poked Frank in the nose to get his attention. “Maybe. Twilight loves to teach, but can be very strict and demanding. Why are your wings twitching?” “Nevermind that.” He put him back on the floor. “Back to your problem. I figure you learned all the theoretically and safety stuff from her.” Frank waited for the small dragon to nod slowly. “Wonderful, that means we can go straight to the fun part.” “Fun part?” “Two individuals have sex if they want to make a baby, but not exclusively for that reason. Most of the times it’s simply for pleasure.” “That still doesn’t help me,” Spike said, “I’m still way too young to do this kind of things with somebody.” Frank patted him on the back. “That’s a really mature attitude. The physical union of two or more individuals is a wonderful thing and should be cherished. That in mind, what would you say if told you that you don’t really need someone else for this activity?” “Two or more?” Spike asked stunned, before his nose got bopped by a big white hoof. “One step at a time stud. For the beginning, just apply what you learned about the general process and instead of being with a female you use this.” Frank nudged one of his arms with his snout and remained on eye level with him. “The gods were gracious enough to bless you with the right appendages in a land that is full of ponies with useless stubs.” “My claw? How is this…” The following reaction was a sight to behold. Frank loved to watch the expression on Spike’s face as he did some grabbing motions and looked at his dexterous digits like he’d been made aware of their existence for the first time. It was rare for a guy to be present at another fellow male’s moment of enlightenment. Things would fundamentally change for him. “See how practical that is? You just need yourself, a quiet place and maybe something to jumpstart your imagination. Is there a store in this town that sells newspapers and magazines?” Spike snapped out of his musings. “Yes, there is. I pick up the new science magazines from Canterlot on every tuesday for Twilight.” Now they were getting somewhere. “Are there certain aisles or parts of that magazine store Twilight wants you to stay away?” Spike was taken back. “How do you know that?” There seemed to be one established form of media left to fall back on and the situation didn’t look as bleak for Spike as Frank had thought. “That’s a good place to start for reference material. I’ll buy you some, but hide those magazines good when you’re not using them!” The way Spike’s eyes sparkled at him made Frank feel like a very pervy Santa. “Really? Thank you so much!” Spike said, embracing Frank’s muzzle in a hug that was astonishingly delicate for having razor sharp claws. The gesture of affection threw Frank off guard. Even more so did the words that followed. “I love you mom.” Frank’s heart grew three sizes that day. He always had been firmly in the circle of people who believed that the show didn’t need the small dragon, and thought of him as an annoying distraction at the best of times. Now the little tyke was showing his endless gratitude for a relatively small favour and a little bit of caring. It was so much harder to be dismissive of the so called ‘unnecessary sidekick’ when you’re his chosen mother figure that buys dirty magazines for him. Spike was a good kid and he deserved better. “Don’t mention it, son. Never hesitate to come to me when you need something.” He ruffled his scales before opening the cupboards in the kitchen to pick up every pack of sugar and toss them in the nearby trash bin. “Before I go get you some ‘sugar’ for your cake, do you have any preferences I should look out for?” Frank was quick enough to follow his gaze back into the library, where Rarity and the others were busy with cleaning up the mess from the fight. He heard him audible gulp when the alicorn in question bent over deeply to pick up a teacup that had rolled under stairs to the living quarters. A wolfish grin grew on his face as he dropped the last packet of sugar in the trash bin and started rummaging deeper in the cooking cabinet. “I figured.” Still flustered from Frank’s question, he almost didn’t catch the small glass bottle that got tossed at him. “Oil?” “Trust me, this works wonders. Until I’m back, why don’t you relax a bit and watch the sky on the balcony?” The three ladies had taken seat on the table again as Frank and a giggling Spike re-entered the room. The furniture had really taken a beating from Luna’s throw, now wobbling with every touch and movement of the few pieces of crockery still intact. “Spike said we’re all out of sugar, I’ll get some quickly at the store.” Frank passed them quickly for the exit, throwing nervous glances at Luna in search for any objections. Luckily, she seemed occupied with throwing occasional glares at the oblivious Twilight. He closed the door behind him with a loud bang, producing a noticeable shake that made the dangling chandelier above them fall from the ceiling. The heavy ornament smashed the already battered table in half, along with the sad remains of Twilight’s tea set. Three pairs of eyes focused on the purple princess in their midst. “Tea is overrated anyway. Anypony want to go out for hayburgers when she gets back?” A white and a blue hoof raised in approval. “What about you Spike?” Twilight turned for her little assistant to see an empty space and hear a door slamming shut a floor above. “Spike?” “Leave him be, Twilight.” Luna had finally calmed down enough to talk to her civilly. “We should also buy something for Applejack and her family. I doubt they had much time to eat while they put out the fire on their orchard.” “Yeah, that would be… WHAT FIRE?!” Outside the library... “That went better than expected.” Frank breathed in deeply to get some fresh air into his lungs and allowed himself a satisfied smile. Things were going smoothly and Twilight was almost where he needed her to be. Everything should fall into place nicely with a little bit more tomorrow. His relationship with Luna steadily improved, despite the occasional knacks and bumps along the way. He hoped dearly that bond would survive the bump still to come. Although a small part of Frank was scared shitless of how much power she held over him with even a single sentence. The weird burst of motherly love about Spike also had been a bit too much out of his comfort zone. “Man I’m rocking that vagina, getting all sappy and emotional over stuff. You wouldn’t be able to tell that I’m not...” A sudden and strong feeling of guilt washed over him like sewage. The scene inside had opened his eyes to an ugly truth. Something Frank should have thought of much earlier. Somebody he’d forgotten about entirely, too self-absorbed in his own selfish desires and new shiny powers.. “Me, me, me. Am I really that egotistical to ignore what got me so far?” He might now be an all-powerful and revered demigod under mortals, but an innocent had paid a hefty price and maybe even the ultimate one. It was simply not fair that he’d enjoyed life while someone else was suffering an unknown fate. Frank bent his head to the ground in shame. “I’m so sorry…” And a bit further down to look at the empty space between his hindlegs. “... I really miss you little buddy.” He didn’t get an answer and he didn’t expect one. “Until today, I didn’t realize what I’d had with you. Now you’re gone after all we’ve been through and I didn’t even really get to say goodbye.” A small cloud of dust got swirled up as his haunches hit the ground. “There have been quarrels and differences between us at times, especially when it came down to females, but in hindsight I like to think that we brought more joy than misery to each others lives.” Passersby turned their heads in curiosity as the alicorn in front of the library kept talking to his crotch. “You were always my compass in times of doubt. Just like that one time, when you warned me from hooking up with that guy in drag and I mistakenly accused you of impotence until...” Frank paused, trying to swallow down the big lump in his throat. “I’m rambling. Words are meaningless now.” With a new sense of purpose in his eyes, Frank stood up to proudly face the staring crowd. He widened the distance between his hindlegs into a glorious straddle-legged stance, closing his eyes to enjoy the mild breeze passing his loins. For the first time since his arrival in Equestria, he became aware of the staggering difference. A comforting weight missing entirely. “This is my way to pay my last respect and how I imagine you wanted it to be.” Unlike earlier, Frank didn’t mind the single tear running down his right cheek. Comrades should be mourned. “One final walk like you were still here, buying something that will bring the same joy we used to have to a hopeful little dragon and his new best friend.” A first step. “A friend and enemy like none other.” Another step. “A companion and warden, he won’t find again in a life-time.” Step three and four. “A curse I got freed from, and simultaneously a blessing I lost.” Many more had joined the crowd by now, as Frank started to march with a rolling gait down the road. He reaped many whispers and giggles, but not a single one from the male side of the audience. From the oldest stallion to the youngest colt, pony or other race, all of them witnessing the procession watched in solidary reverence. One of those was a silent Mr. Cake with his equally silent son. “Why are you two saluting?” Mrs. Cake asked with her bored daughter on her back. “I don’t know, honeybun. However, deep down, I somehow feel that we have to.” The crowd split to make way for the man turned mare on his lonely journey into the really early sunset.