Heh heh hi. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say here but I guess I should introduce myself; my name is Book End, or it is now. The name I was given at birth was Glory Rider: not very subtle I know, my father was captain of the guard Storm Rider and his wife Celestial Beauty were a real sight to behold… which is why I ran away. See since I was just a kid I always had this sneaking suspicion that something was going to happen: something horribly unnecessary and stupid. Everywhere I turned it was obvious, every story book I’d ever read, the symptoms were all around me. Perfect family equals perfect son, equals perfect hero for saving Equestria and I’m not having it.
I was born with a red and gold mane… that was the first thing that had to go, I like my mane, I really do but I’m not about to suffer for it so I dyed it black and cut it real short. Pristine marble colored coat? Not on my watch, my coat is now brown, simple brown. Of course I was born a unicorn: my father was a pegasus and my mother an earth pony so I’m a unicorn because it makes sense… somewhere else, where forced attributes are necessary. Here in lies the only thing I actually allow myself, in a unique sense; I wear my proudly short, black mane in a pompadour to cover my horn. I was skeptical at first, wouldn’t the haircut attract attention? Maybe but I gambled and wouldn’t you know it keeps other ponies away from me, praise the sun. No one knows I’m a unicorn, just an earth pony with a weird hair do. Here comes the tricky part my cutie mark: I got my cutie mark… it’s a freaking quasar, those super powered celestial events? Yep right on my flank. Why? I literally have no clue. For crying out loud I wasn’t even doing anything when I got it, I was reading a book, not even an exciting one. It was a manual; I was learning how to bind a book. Then bam quasar, I don’t even know what it means. So I stayed home for a little bit, had everything shipped to me. I didn’t leave the house until I perfected something utterly wonderful: tights with a cutie mark printed on them. Had to work long and hard to make it match my coat, in texture and color, but now everybody thinks my cutie mark is a book mark and that’s great.
My disguise perfect I had to find a way to make a living that wouldn’t lead me into battle or shenanigans. What could possibly steer me so far away from excitement? Writing and when I say writing I basically mean taking what someone else wrote, writing a copy and adding it to the files. This isn’t the kind of work where I’ll be handed a secret documents or scroll that I’ll have to keep safe with my life, I write tedious things which for me couldn’t be better. Where pray tell is this magical, or should I say magic devoid, place that can keep me safe from adventure and mishap? Why Whinnysotta my new potential friend and why Whinnysotta? Let me answer that with a question: have you ever heard of Whinnysotta? The answer is of course no, nothing happens here, nothing exciting, groundbreaking, or life changing. I go to work every day, relax on weekends with a horror novel or sleep or maybe some music. My house was made not so long ago that there could be a secret passage, ghost, or mystery but not new enough that I had a land dispute with the local crazy land mogul.
Yes sir or madam I have set everything in perfect motion for an easygoing life free of any destiny, prophesy, or other wildness. Now my closest friend, yeah I also don’t keep many friends cause y’know… friendship is magic and such, you might be asking yourself or me “Why would anybody not want to be a hero, king, crime solver, stallion of romance, or lovable buffoon?”. Well first have to tell you you’re sort of a jerk for trying to push me towards something I don’t want, you keep this up and we won’t be friends for very long, but put on your thinking face and give it some serious thought. What do main characters get in stories? Seriously, think about all the stories you’ve ever read: happy ending, sad ending, death, stupid unsatisfying ending, romantic ending, pyritic ending, obvious ending that was pushed onwards because the audience didn’t want it to go away so the writer caved in and made more when the ending we all deserved was literally in front of us and the masses didn’t realize until they took a long hard look at where the series was going and thought, “Wait how is this actually going to end now. What have we done?”, or the most terrifying of all… a sequel set up. Yeah, happy ending sounds good right? Getting everything you wanted and everything working out in the end but notice happy ending is only one of many possible endings and the others aren’t great… especially the sequel, if I get stuck in a sequel I’d lose it. I’d rather be in a boring existence than a crappy story, there I said it.
See this is why we’re friends cause you’re not in it for the fame and the fortune or my misery. You’re here to share my boring life with me and I’m really grateful for that, not enough ponies or assorted creatures, I’m no racist, are willing to do that. I’m willing to forget about you pushing me towards a destiny I don’t want cause that’s all in the past now. As a matter of fact tomorrow is my one year anniversary working for the Bland Brand Company, I’ve seen other ponies get their celebration: there’s vanilla cake, a nice quiet office party at lunch, possibly apple cider, and maybe a gold watch. It’s a nice quiet thing and then back to work, it’s gonna be great and then I come home relax and sleep away my days. Everything is as it should be.
Do you ever get the feeling you’re about to be written into a string of clichés?