//------------------------------// // First Chapter - Crime Doesn't Pay, but It Sure Knows How To Party // Story: Crime and Funishment // by Aragon //------------------------------// BLAM! “Twilight! We’re robbing a bank!” The library trembled a little after Pinkie’s scream, as if the old tree could feel what was happening inside of it. The pink pony’s smile was brighter than ever, her teeth glimmering like pearls in front of a house on fire. And inside the library, sitting at the table, Rarity, Twilight, and Spike looked at Pinkie the way one would look at a house on fire. The pearls were optional. Well, not all of them. Rarity just raised her cup of tea and took a sip mere seconds after Pinkie’s outburst. “That’s a new one,” she muttered. “Girls! Oh, and Spike. Hi, Spike. Girls!” Pinkie put on her Serious Face. It was different from her normal face because it was extremely serious. “We need to rob a bank!” Spike squinted. “Wasn’t the door locked?” “Hello, Pinkie,” Twilight replied, shooting a smile at her friend. “Nice to see you.” “Always a delight,” Rarity said, nodding. “I haven’t seen you all week, darling.” “Oh, that’s because I was locked in my room,” Pinkie replied, trotting to the table and sitting by Rarity’s side. “I didn’t leave it even for one moment!” “You didn’t?” Twilight frowned. “At all?” “At all!” “No, really.” Spike pointed at the still-open door. “I’m completely sure I locked that up like an hour ago.” “May we ask why you did that, Pinkie?” “Well, I got this amazing book, you see?” Pinkie grinned and clapped her hooves. “At first I didn’t really like it, but then it got really cool! And it’s about robbing a bank.” “Wait, you got a new book?” Twilight arched an eyebrow. “I don’t remember giving you any.” “Because I didn’t get it from you, silly.” Pinkie chuckled. “I think Mr. Cake bought it in Canterlot.” “What?!” The arched eyebrow turned into a frown with an amazing speed. "He bought a book instead of getting it from me?!” “Okay, so it is locked,” Spike said, somehow now at the door, even though nopony had seen him walking there. “How in the name of Celestia did you open it, Pinkie?” “With a kick!” “Normal kicks can’t open doors like that.” “But it wasn’t a normal kick, silly. It was a pinkick!” “Hey, I’m talking to you too!” Twilight said, huffing. “I can’t believe you got a book that’s not from my library!” “Darling, it’s not like you have a monopoly on books,” Rarity said, taking another sip of her tea. “But I do have a monopoly on books! That’s why I’m angry!” Twilight huffed harder. “My library is the only one in miles!” “Yes, and given how half of Ponyville is as illiterate as Applejack’s dog, that says a lot about your business,” Rarity replied, shrugging. “Then again, I’m a fashionista in what might as well be the only completely nudist town in Equestria, so… Glass houses, I suppose.” “Hmph. So you read a book about robbing banks,” Twilight said, turning to Pinkie. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Reading is always good.” “I must say, I’m fairly surprised,” Rarity added. “Now, don’t get me wrong, but… You don’t look like the reading type. Or at least not like the kind that would spend the whole weekend doing nothing but reading.” She took a sip of tea. “Then again, neither do Fluttershy or Applejack, do they?” She looked at Twilight. “You and I are the only ones who seem to enjoy the marvelous world of the literary arts, if we ignore Rainbow and her Daring Do obsession.” Twilight nodded. “So it seems, yeah.” “Are you kidding me? I’ve always loved reading!” Pinkie chirped, resting her hooves on the table. “And so does Fluttershy! It’s just that we don’t have that much free time. I mean, I’m planning parties every week! And Applejack takes care of the farm, and Fluttershy works a lot with the animals!” She poked Rarity in the side of her face, causing her to spill a little bit of tea. “You two are the ones who read the most because you have a lot of free time!” Silence. “Because you barely work at all!” Silence. “Because your businesses are a failu—!” “Yes, Pinkie, we got it the first time,” Rarity interrupted, speaking slightly louder than usual. “Thank you very much for your input.” “You’re welcome!” “Now, I feel like gobbling up a ton of ice-cream while I think about my life choices.” Rarity finished her tea and got up. “If you'll excuse me…” “Wait, no!” Acting so quick one’s eye couldn’t follow, Pinkie grabbed Rarity by the shoulders and pushed her down to the chair again. “You can’t go yet! We need to talk about the bank robbery!” “What?” Twilight rested her elbows on the table. “You were serious about that?” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Did I look like I was joking, Twilight? I mean, really. Did I?” “Yes.” “You did.” “Absolutely.” Silence. Pinkie blinked. “Well, I was not. We need to rob a bank! Or, well, something like that. I’m not picky.” “Why would you want to rob a bank?” Spike asked, now back at the table. “I understand Rarity or Twilight wanting more money, seeing the whole ‘business’ thing…” “Ugh.” “Sigh.” “...But you, Pinkie?” Spike shook his head. “Why would you do that?” “Because it would be so much fun!” Pinkie clapped. “Like, I read that book, okay? And it had adventure, it had humor, and everypony was having such a good time! After reading it I told myself: Pinkie, I can’t believe you have never done something like this. It’s the perfect adventure!” “Pinkie.” Twilight glared at her. “We can’t do that.” “But why?!” “We’re the good guys.” “Well, then we just rob an evil bank. I mean, duh.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “Are there evil banks out there?” “Are there good ones?” Rarity said, smirking. “Anyway, Pinkie, I don’t believe we could do such a thing.” “It’s not about if we could or not,” Twilight said. “I think the real issue here is if we can find a reason why we would do such a thing. It would literally bring nothing but trouble.” “That isn’t true!” Pinkie said, hitting the table with one hoof. “We even have the perfect team! Six mares and one dragon? Is there anything we can do other than robbing evil banks?” Rarity cleared her throat with a cough. “We can spend a nice afternoon drinking tea together.” “I mean anything new, Rares.” Pinkie stuck out her tongue. “Come on, you know it sounds interesting!” “It sounds like a crime, rather,” Twilight said. “And hey, what a coincidence! That’s exactly what it is!” “Well, as I said, we can go and rob an evil bank, so it won’t be a crime. Breaking the law is bad!” Pinkie said. “We don’t even need to take the money, it’s just for fun. We don’t need it anyway, do we?” She beamed a smile, which disappeared pretty fast. “Wait. You’re a princess, but I don’t know if Rarity would like some money.” She turned to her. “I mean, after all, your shop is not really—” “Is today ‘make fun of Rarity’s boutique day’ and I haven’t been told, by any chance?” Rarity asked. “Because this is getting truly ridiculous!” “Oooh? Ridiculous enough to….” Pinkie put a leg over Rarity’s shoulders “...rob a bank, perhaps?” “No.” “Aaaw.” “I can lend you another heist book if you liked that one so much,” Twilight said. “Then again, maybe you would prefer to get it from some other place, because apparently my library isn’t good enough—” “No, no, I don’t want to read about it. I want to live it!” Pinkie hit the table with one hoof again. And, as she was still grabbing Rarity by the shoulders with her other leg, she rocked the poor unicorn pretty hard while doing so. “And we already have the perfect team for it!” “Pinkie.” Twilight massaged the space between her eyes with a hoof. “No.” “Come on! I mean, we need a super-duper smart pony to get all the data and the maps and plan all the tiny details and cool stuff.” Pinkie let Rarity go—much to her relief—and pointed at Twilight. “That would be you!” “Yes, but—” “And we also need a sassy pony to always point out the problems in the plan and be sarcastic about it.” She turned to Rarity. “That would be you!” “...My neck hurts.” “Exactly! See?” Pinkie smiled at Twilight. “She’s so sassy.” “No, really. Ouch.” “And we also need somepony who’s street smart! And knows how to talk to ponies to convince them to do almost anything!” Pinkie said. “That… That would be Rarity too, I guess.” “I think I need a pillow.” “Oh, oh! And what would I be?!” Spike asked. “The cool guy? The protagonist? The dashing hero?” “Yeah! That, or the mailbox.” Pinkie patted him in the head. “You can use that magic fire of yours to send messages! That’s very important.” “Cool!” “Spike.” Twilight glared at him. “No. We’re not doing this.” “Aaaw.” “What else?” Pinkie tapped her chin twice. “Ah! We need an expert on disguises, so she can go and fool everypony about her identity. I guess that’s Rarity again.” Rarity was still rubbing her neck. “Well, thanks, I guess.” “And we also need an expert on high society to complete the act. And a unicorn that can find gems and gold with her magic.” She blinked. “...And both of them would be Rarity too, now that I think about it.” “Wow. You’re really good at robbing banks, Rarity!” Spike said. “It’s amazing!” “I… thanks?” Rarity turned to Twilight. “Am I supposed to say something specific here, or is this situation as weird for you as it is for me?” Twilight shrugged. “Sorry, I’m lost.” “You could become a professional bank robber,” Pinkie says. “I’m sure it would go far better than your bout—!” “If I accept your plan, will you please stop talking about Carousel Boutique that way?” “Yeah!” Rarity sighed. “I’m in.” “Yes!” Pinkie stood up, her smile the one of a foal that just discovered candy technically counts as a healthy breakfast. “Woohoo! So, we already have three on the team! Boss, Dashing Mailbox, and Sassy-disguise-master-high-society-gold-and-gems-radar pony!” A pause. “We’ll call you ‘Rarity’ for short.” “Charming.” “But Twilight didn’t say she wanted to be part of it yet,” Spike said. “And what about you, Pinkie?” “I already included myself! I’m Boss. Twilight will be Brains once she’s in.” “Wait, what?” Twilight frowned. “Shouldn’t I be Boss?” “No, you’re Brains.” Pinkie shook her head. “You plan things, and I follow your plan except for when it fails, and then my improvisation saves the day. But you’re my right hoof!” “But…” Twilight blinked. “But I’m always the leader, aren’t I?” “Well, yes, but we’re talking Boss, not leader.” Pinkie trotted to Twilight and poked her in the muzzle. “Are you in?” “Pinkie, what you want to do is extremely illegal.” “It doesn’t need to be,” Rarity said. “I’m pretty sure Pinkie just wants to do something like a heist.” “Yes indeedily!” “Well then, we can do whatever we want, as long as we plan it beforehoof and do it in an extremely overcomplicated way.” Rarity brought the cup of tea to her lips, only to remember that she had drank the entire thing a couple minutes ago. She stared at it with a heartbroken pout on her face for a couple seconds before looking up again. “Ahem. We can just… I don’t know. Go to the Money Bags Bank and change their red ink for green ink?” She turned to Pinkie. “Would that be enough?” Pinkie squinted, a sly smile on her face. “The perfect crime.” “Okay. So.” Rarity pointed at the pink pony. “There’s that.” Twilight sighed. “You really want to do that, Pinkie?” “It will be fun! It’s like spending some quality time together, but instead of talking we rob banks. Bank pens.” She nodded to herself. “Eyup! I couldn’t ask for anything else!” “Well then, I guess that we can—” “Wait a minute there, Twilight!” Pinkie put a hoof on Twilight’s chest. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it properly!” “And what does that mean?” Spike asked. “Oh, my dear little dragon…” Pinkie chuckled. “That means that we’re getting the old gang back together.” GETTING THE GANG BACK TOGETHER “Are you sure I need to hold this sign all the time, Pinkie?” Spike asked as the millionth pony turned around to read what was written on the piece of cardboard he was holding above his head. “My arms are getting a little tired.” “A good heist needs title cards!” Pinkie replied. “If we are doing this, we’re doing it the right way!” “If you say so…” They were at Ponyville Square, Rarity and Twilight walking with the kind of face one would usually see on a kid at his least-favorite cousin’s birthday party. Pinkie, on the other hand, was showing off her standard Happy Heist Face, which was different than her normal Happy Face because this one had angry eyebrows. “But do we really need the rest to get ink from the bank?” Twilight asked as they walked past the town hall. “I mean, what else…?” “Good question, Twilight!” Pinkie turned around for a second and pointed a hoof at her. Then she looked at it, disappointed. “Huh. This would be easier if I had fingers. Anyway, good question!” She turned around again. “A good heist needs individual introductions for every important character aside from the protagonist and her right hoof! So of course we need the others!” “I find it funny how we’re not even twenty minutes into this and I’m already lost,” Rarity said drily. “Raises my hopes for the evening.” “Thanks!” Pinkie replied. “Now, answering Twilight’s question and acting as an introduction for the important characters…” She cleared her throat with a cough. “We need a pegasus for this heist, girls. I have it all planned, and—” “You have everything planned?” Twilight interrupted. “Already?” “I’m a fast thinker. You have to be, when you grow up surrounded by rocks!” Pinkie grimaced. “Anyway, as I was saying: we need a pegasus! But not a normal pegasus!” She shook her head and pointed at the skies, her voice getting higher. “We need somepony fast, somepony who can fly past the guards, who can get in and out too fast to get noticed.” She stopped and looked at the sky. The others followed her lead. There was a house—or rather, a mansion—made of clouds and rainbows floating above them, moving slowly but steadily with the wind. “And I have the perfect mare for that!” Pinkie said. When Dash came back to her house that afternoon from buying groceries, the first thing she noticed was that her front door was open. That made her arch an eyebrow, as she wasn’t expecting any kind of visit, and almost anypony who could fly used the windows to enter instead of the door, but she wasn’t exactly worried about it. After all, it’s not like there were any pegasi thieves out there in Ponyville. Then she entered her house. And boy did she get worried after that. Her groceries fell down to the floor, and then they passed through it because living on a cloud has its disadvantages. Like, for example, how any pegasus could come by and redecorate the entire building with nothing but their hooves. Which, of course, was what had happened there: the entire hall was now far bigger than it had ever been, and—Dash wasn’t completely sure—she had the suspicion that the stairs had disappeared. The furniture was gone, too, except for a huge desk which laid right in front of her, and a huge chair at the other side of it that was not facing Dash. The curtains were closed, so the entire house was in shadows. “What the…?” “Rainbow Dash,” a voice interrupted. A voice that came from the chair. “The fastest flyer in Equestria. The mare with the multicolor mane. The Winged Prodigy.” And then the chair turned around, revealing none other than Pinkie Pie petting a cat-shaped cloud on her lap. “It’s been a long time. I guess you’re wondering why I called you in here today, hmm?” Dash blinked. “…How did you get all the way up here?” “Balloons.” Pinkie pointed up. Dash followed her hoof, and lo and behold, there were, indeed, a bunch of helium balloons in different shapes, all tied to Pinkie’s back. “It’s always balloons.” “Huh.” Dash licked her lips. “That… doesn’t explain anything at all. I mean, how could you move the clouds all by yourself? Is Fluttershy here?” “Nope, I came up here alone!” “But how…?” “Balloons!” “But my furnit—” “It’s always balloons!” Silence. Dash massaged her temples. “You’re not going to explain anything, are you?” “Dashie, Dashie, Dashie.” Pinkie smirked, still petting that cloud. “That doesn’t matter, and we both know it. We have more important issues at hoof.” “Did you redecorate the whole house, or just this floor?” “I’m getting the old gang back together.” “I mean, it’s not like I don’t like it, but you could have asked permission first.” Dash sighed. “And where is my furniture?” Pinkie frowned. “Dash! Didn’t you hear me?” “Too busy staring at my house.” “We’re robbing a bank!” Silence. “We are?” “Yeah!” “Aren’t we the good guys?” “It’s an evil bank!” Pinkie threw the catcloud away, got up from the chair and walked towards Dash. Well, “walked” might not be the right way to put it—she was floating and moving her legs in a walking motion, rather. “And we’re just getting ink because otherwise we would be bank robbers, and we’re not like that, are we?” Dash frowned. “Is this some kind of prank, or are you being honest?” “It’s not a prank,” Pinkie said. “Even Twilight and Rarity are in!” “What? Really?” Rainbow flew towards the windows and started opening the curtains one by one. “Wow. It must be an evil bank, then. What is it doing?” “I don’t know!” Pinkie shrugged. “But it’s going to be fun! I read a book about it.” “About evil banks?” “No, silly! About bank robbery!” Pinkie chuckled. “And it taught me a couple things about the business! We have the Boss, the Brains, the Dashing Mailbox, and the Rarity. Now, we need our Speedster!” Silence. Rainbow even paused her curtain-opening deal. “What?” “We need a fast flyer!” Pinkie said. “A brave and bold pegasus who can face any danger and overcome it! A pony who’s not afraid of getting her hooves dirty! We need the best flyer in Equestria!” She grinned and pointed at Dash. “And that means you!” Rainbow blinked, then returned the grin. “Heh. That does sound like me.” “So you’re in?” “Sure. Why not?” Dash turned around and opened the last curtain. “I mean, if Twilight and Rarity are in it, I’m sure it’s something important. And—woah.” She frowned and turned around. “You know, now that I see it without all those shadows… You did a surprisingly good job with the room.” “Thanks!” “I’m a little worried about the stairs, though.” “Wait a minute.” Money Bags raised a hoof. “Lovely story, really, but… How exactly do you know this is what happened? You weren’t there.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I obviously asked Rainbow.” “Yeah, and apparently you asked her for every single detail.” Money Bags sighed. “Can’t you, I don’t know, just tell me the abridged version?” “No.” “I still have your friend at my mercy.” “Yes, but if you want to understand everything, you need to know everything.” Twilight shrugged—or tried to, she was still tied to a chair— and looked at Money Bags. “Otherwise…” “Yes, yes. Of course. Whatever.” He sighed. “Dear Celestia, you sure love to ramble.” Dash blinked. “Wait a moment. I’m Speedster? I thought I was Dashing Mailbox!” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “…Why would you be a mailbox?” “I don’t know, I thought it was kind of obvious. Plus, I’m good with mail.” Rainbow shrugged. “So you’re Boss, then?” “No. I’m Brains. Pinkie is Boss.” “And I’m Rarity,” Rarity said. “Just ‘Rarity’.” “Yeah I’d actually figured that out on my own.” Rarity batted her eyelashes at Dash. “Just in case.” “Can’t I at least be Dashing Speedster? Sounds more awesome.” “I don’t see why not!” Pinkie said. The gang was walking towards Sweet Apple Acres… Or rather, they were moving towards the barn. They’d been surrounded by apple trees for a while now. Dash was flying, Spike was riding Twilight, Pinkie was jumping around, and Twilight and Rarity were walking with the grace of a rheumatic grandma on a rainy day. “So, what are we doing?” “We’re looking for Muscle!” Pinkie replied. “We need a pony who can knock out all the bad guys and open doors with a kick!” Spike frowned. “I’m pretty sure you can already do that.” “Yes. But we still need a Muscle!” Pinkie said. “Right, Dash?” “I guess?” “We need somepony to do the fighting! And I know the perfect mare for it!” “Huh.” Dash looked at Twilight. “So, what are we doing, exactly? Pinkie said something about an evil bank.” “Apparently, Money Bags Bank fills that profile pretty well,” Rarity said. “But we’re not robbing it.” Dash frowned. “We aren’t?” “The fact that you sound disappointed by that news says a lot about your personality, you know?” Rarity rolled her eyes. “We could explain it to you, but Pinkie won’t let us.” “Exactly!” Pinkie grabbed Rarity by the shoulders again. “We can’t reveal the whole deal before we get the full gang together! It’s not how we do things!” “For once, I agree with Pinkie,” Twilight said. “Applejack will want explanations too, after all. I don’t want to repeat the whole story again and again and again.” She sighed. “Not like it’s a very long story, but…” “It doesn’t count as a ‘story’ at all,” Rarity said. “It’s a single sentence.” “We’re still not spoiling the surprise!” Pinkie chirped. “You sound pretty sure Applejack will join us,” Dash said once AJ’s home appeared in front of them. “I mean, I’m all for adventures, but she has to work on her farm quite a lot, doesn’t she?” “Well, she has a lot of things to do,” Twilight agreed. “Working on a farm is hard.” “I know!” Pinkie nodded. “I was raised on a farm too! But we had more free time than Applejack.” “Sweet Apple Acres is the best apple farm in all of Equestria!” Spike said. “Of course they have a lot of work!” Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yes, we got it.” “And they have a great success because they work so hard on it,” Dash continued. “I mean, really: Applejack is working all day. I’m not even kidding. I tried to hang out with her yesterday but it was impossible! She had to sell all those apples!” Rarity grumbled something. Her left eye twitched. “Like, a bazillion apples!” Rarity grumbled something in a slightly louder way. “And she actually sold them all!” “Yes, she has a lot of work, we get it!” Rarity yelled. “She’s an amazing businessmare who can’t do math to save her life, but somehow has a steady income! YOU CAN STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!” Dash blinked. “Uh…” Rarity shook her head and took a deep breath. “Ahem. However, I’m sure she’ll agree to go rob a bank with us! Even if we don’t rob a bank at all! Because that’s what friends do!” Rarity quickened the pace all of a sudden, stomping the ground like an elephant with every step. “We rob banks! Even when we’re not robbing banks! Now let’s stop talking about my boutique!” Dash squinted, following her white friend with her eyes. Then she turned to Twilight and Spike. “What in the name of Celestia happened here?” “STOP TALKING!” Rarity yelled, already ten meters away from them. “LET’S GO GET APPLEJACK!” “So. You wanna rob a bank.” Pinkie nodded. “Eeyup!” “Sugarcube, y’know that’s illegal, right?” “No, it’s not! We’re robbing a bad bank!” Pinkie said. AJ smirked. “Is there any good one?” “Hmm.” Rarity shook her head. “That’s starting to get old.” “That doesn’t matter!” Pinkie took a step aside and pointed at Twilight, right behind her. “She’s in, too!” Applejack raised an eyebrow at Twilight. “Twi?” Twilight had the exact look a mother has when her kid discovers an incredible talent at playing the drums at two in the morning: that of being tired of life as a whole. “Uh-huh.” Applejack frowned. “Not illegal?” “Not illegal.” “You completely sure, sugarcube?” “I completely sure, sugarcube.” “Huh.” Applejack made a small pout and tapped her chin three times. “Okay, Ah’m in.” “Wow.” Dash cocked her head to the side. “Really? You’re making it that easy?” “You try to work on a farm your whole life without learnin’ to dislike banks, Dash.” Applejack tilted her hat to the side. “‘Sides, there’s no work on the farm for a couple weeks. We just finished buckin’ them trees yesterday.” “Awesome!” Spike turned to Pinkie. “Can I throw the sign away now?” “Nope!” Pinkie chuckled. “We have Boss, Brains, Muscle, Dashing Mailbox, Dashing Speedster, and Rarity. We’re not complete until we get Fluttershy!” Spike frowned. “What role does she fill?” “Oh, Spike. It’s obvious!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “She’s…” Silence. Pinkie blinked. “She… Uh. You know, that’s actually a pretty good question.” “Fluttershy doesn’t seem to fill any standard role in a bank robbery, does she?” Twilight asked. “I mean, she’s not exactly good at giving orders or talking to strangers.” “Well, that’s not an excuse for Fluttershy to be left out!” Pinkie turned around. “Dash! Rarity! You two know her better than anypony else. Any good ideas?” Silence. Dash and Rarity looked at each other. “She’s… good at making tea?” Rarity asked. “She can convince any animal to do anything,” Dash said. “She could, like, command the birds to distract the guards!” “Ah don’t think she’d be okay with that kind of thing,” Applejack said. Silence. “You know what?” Pinkie shook her head and started a trot towards Fluttershy’s cottage. “Doesn’t matter. We’re getting Shy anyway. The gang is not complete without her!” Dash followed her with a lazy flap of her wings. “Well, it'll be easy to convince her, at least.” “Fluttershy! We’re robbing a bank and you’re coming with us!” Fluttershy let out a yelp after hearing Pinkie’s words, the first thing she'd heard since she had opened the door of her cottage. She made a little pout, took a small step back, looked at the ground, looked at them, opened her mouth as if to say something, blushed, closed her mouth, looked at the ground again, closed her eyes, and finally she said: “…Okay.” “Wooohooo!” Pinkie grabbed her by the shoulders and got her out of her house. “Alright!” Without looking back, she closed the door with a swing of her tail. “Now we’re complete!” “Well, that was predictable,” Twilight muttered. “How did that girl survive high school?” Applejack whispered once they all started following Pinkie towards Ponyville. “Like, at all?” Dash shook her head. “Believe me: she didn’t,” she whispered. “That’s not a real answer.” Dash shrugged. “Come on, so she’s a little bit of a pushover. Let her be, she’s not hurting anypony.” “I understand Applejack’s concern, Dash,” Rarity said, suddenly joining the whispered conversation. “At this rate, someday somepony is going to ask Fluttershy to do something wrong, and…” “Y’mean like robbing a bank?” Applejack interrupted. Rarity blinked. “Why, yes. Exactly like robbing a bank. But, you know, not an evil one.” “Are there any good ones out there?” Dash asked with a smirk. Both Rarity and Applejack glared at her. THE PLAN “Hmm.” Spike eyed the sign laying in front of him and poked it with one finger. “Where do you keep getting these?” he asked, turning around to face Pinkie. “Oh, I have a bunch here and there,” she replied. “You know, just in case I need them.” “Uh-huh.” Spike shrugged. “Well, at least I don’t need to carry this one.” They were all in The Hideout, as Pinkie was calling it now. In vernacular, apparently that meant “Twilight’s Library with the curtains closed.” As the table was too small to fit all of them, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were hovering near to the ceiling while Applejack sat on a cushion near the center of the room. “Okay, everypony!” Pinkie clapped her hooves. “We’re going to start the meeting in a minute! Are you ready?” “Um. I’m actually not?” Fluttershy said, hovering right above Pinkie. “I mean… I still don’t know why we are doing this. We’re robbing a bank?” She frowned and looked at Dash. “Just like that?” Dash shrugged. “Apparently.” “To be honest, Ah would also like some explanation.” Applejack looked at Twilight from her cushion. “You said it was completely legal, right?” “Yes. We’re not robbing the bank.” Twilight tapped the table with a hoof. “We’re just messing with their inkwells.” “So it’s more like a prank, then?” Dash asked. “It sounds like one,” Spike said. “Twilight? Is it legal to prank a bank?” “If we’re not causing any damage, I don’t see why it should be illegal.” Twilight turned around and eyed some bookshelves without getting up. “Although we could check it to be sure…” “Okay, so we’re pranking a bank.” Fluttershy crossed her front legs. “But… I still don’t understand why.” “Hm, that’s actually an easy question. Let me aid you on this.” Rarity turned to Pinkie. “Short answer?” Pinkie beamed a smile. “I thought it would be fun!” Rarity nodded. “Good. Long answer?” “I read a book and then I thought it would be fun!” “There you have it.” Rarity turned around again and smirked at Fluttershy. “You’re welcome, dear.” “Well, I, uh.” Fluttershy rubbed her foreleg, frowning. “I guess it might be fun, but I don’t think we should do this. What if we hurt somepony’s feelings? Not everypony likes to be pranked.” “Oh, don’t worry!” Pinkie said. “I’m sure Money Bags doesn’t mind his banks being pranked.” Twilight frowned. “You know him, Pinkie?” “Of course I do! I know everypony, don’t I?” Pinkie tapped the table with her hoof twice. “I mean, I’ve never thrown a party for him, but I know how he’s cool. And he won’t mind a senseless prank. Plus, he won’t even know we’re doing it, right?” Dash nodded. “I love senseless pranks. They’re the best ones.” Fluttershy sighed. “Still… I don’t think doing such a thing is nice, girls. We might cause trouble.” “Shy,” AJ said, smiling at the pegasus, “Ah wouldn’t worry that much. Ah haven’t been the one comin’ up with the plan, but Ah reckon Pinkie and Twilight just want to relax a little. Have a little harmless fun!” She shook her head. “It’s like what Ah said—we’ve been on a million adventures together by now, but most of the time we had to save the world, or each other, or my farm, or somethin’. What’s wrong with an adventure that we’re havin’ just for fun?” “Plus, Fluttershy, it’s Money Bags Bank.” Rarity snorted. “I won’t try to say I understand economics, but if there’s something everypony in Equestria agrees on, is the fact that Money Bags is not a good pony.” She rolled her eyes. “Those credit loans, Celestia forbid them.” “We just wanna have fun, Fluttershy,” Pinkie said. “But if you don’t like it, you don’t need to be part of it! It’s just a game. Right, girls?” “Uh-huh.” “Yeah!” “Eeyup.” “But of course.” “I’m not a girl.” “Oh.” Pinkie blinked. “Sorry, Spike. I forgot you were here.” “Eh, don’t worry.” Spike waved a hand. “As long as I keep being the Dashing Mailbox, I’m fine with it.” “Well, if you say it’s just for fun…” Fluttershy sighed. “I guess I can join you. We won’t do anything mean or dangerous, right?” “Of course not, we’re just messing with their inkwells,” Twilight said. “Well then, that’s it!” Pinkie said. “I declare the first meeting of the Bank Ink Robbers! Brains? What’s the plan?” “Hmm.” Twilight licked her lips. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and… To be honest, you have a point, Pinkie.” She looked at her friend. “We’re a pretty good group, as far as heists go. Now, this is what we will do…”