//------------------------------//
// First Day Jitters 
// Story: Left to a Pseudopsychologist 
// by arcanelexicon 
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	"Well another day, another bit."

After being teleported to this world and sharing my knowledge with them, Princess Celestia has now asked me to try psychology with ponies. 

It started innocently enough. We were talking about advancements in radio transmission, and how they could incorporate it into their world using their magic crystals, when Princess Celestia asked me how humans dealt with problems aside from drowning it with alcohol, getting high on drugs, or getting the 'marefriend experience.' 

With a blush, I told her about the field of psychology, and that I had little idea about it. Right then and there, she made me Equestria's top (and only) expert in the field of psychology, saying something about 'a little knowledge being better than none.' Freud would be rolling in his grave by now. So here I am, waiting for my first patient, and reminiscing on how I got here.

I guess the universe decided to troll me that day. It was a normal flight over the Pacific. No turbulence, nothing wrong with the aircraft's systems, in short, it was the kind of flight I liked: boring. I excused myself to head to the lavatory to attend to the call of nature. While there, I felt some turbulence that shook the aircraft a little. I shrugged it off, thinking that this is the place where we normally hit a rough patch, so i didn't really pay any attention to it. 

Once done with my business, I stepped out of the lavatory, closed the door, and was about to wave to the flight deck camera, when I noticed that the lights were just too bright. I looked around, and saw that I was in a green meadow, with light clouds overhead, though everything looked a little too pastel-ly. I quickly turned around hoping to find the lavatory door still there, but nope, there was nothing behind me. I tried pinching myself to see if I was dreaming, the pain told me otherwise.

I wasn't a stranger to science fiction, and it seemed that i portaled to a new world, and closed the door which led home.

Long story short, I walked for a few hours, spotted something flying, tried calling out to it, and was surprised when it screamed, and flew away. A few minutes later, I saw a lot of unidentified flying objects, which swooped down on me. I then got captured by what looked like flying ponies in armor, who piled on top of me, and tried to cuddle me to death. These, uhm, "harem" of female pegasi then bound me, and brought me to their rulers. I was made to wear a crystal pendant, which magically translated what I said into something they could understand and vice versa.

They explained to me that me being here was the result of someone, somewhere in the infinite dimensions bucking up a spell or a transdimensional portal, and I had no other choice but to stay here in their world, while they figured out if they can find a way to send me back to mine. I then spent a few weeks under their care where I discussed my world to them. They were fascinated by my watch, seeing at how compact it was compared to theirs. They burned my shoes and belt after learning where leather came from, but the rubber soles were sent to their finest engineers to be replicated. My wallet didn't hold much of interest. My smartphone on the other hand, wasn't the big breakthrough I'd thought it would be in a medieval-steam tech world. After telling them how much damage it would do to their world to etch circuit boards, mine minerals and stuff, they decided not to adapt the technology.

I lost my train of thought as I heard hoofsteps coming from the stairs. My first patient, and she has no idea that I have no idea what I'm doing. Next thing I know, they'll be asking me to head their space program, where it will be me who'll be sent to the moon with no space suit, no rocket and no clue as to what to do there, and no meat to eat as well. Oh well, when life gives you ponies, I don't know, you pony on I guess.

Well, first impressions last I guess, so I decided to fix my clothes (thank you Rarity), and adapt a more professional posture. After all, they were new to this psychology thing, and the patient would have no idea if I was wrong, or if I totally bucked up if I looked professional right? Who am I kidding? My MD PhD  means Maryjane Druggie, PHinished Difficultly. 

I then looked at her record, and saw that Twilight had written "This session is a way for her to talk to someone who has no idea about her past, and would hope to understand her or her motivations.", which told me absolutely nothing on what I needed to know. I kept thinking "Surely you can't be serious!" and deep down, one of the voices in my head answered in a deadpan manner "My name's not Shirley." Here I am, Equestria's top (and only) pseudo-psychologist, and I'm talking to myself. 

A knock on the door brought me back to Earth, or in this case, Equestria. I asked for my guests to come in, and I was a little surprised to see Twilight come in and close the door. She explained to me that since my patient had nowhere else to stay at the moment, she would be joining me in the new Ponyville Library,  or, as I liked to call it, 'The New Ponyville Library-slash-Research Center-slash-Clinic-slash The Big Oak Tree-slash-My Place.' My patient would then have 8 sessions every month, with me forwarding my "friendship report summary" to the hot librarian princess. 

I jokingly told her that I no longer would be accepting bits in payment, but would now be paid in meat, steaks and barbecues. Her answer was a simple question in the form of "You do know heat season is coming up right?", followed with a mischievous smile. I could feel myself go white in terror. Although having sex with six mares at a time with me being in the best shape of my life was great, having non stop sex with 6 mares for two weeks without any break was a death sentence. I told her that I loved being able to walk, and no thanks to death by having the life drained out of me. Ready or not, it was time to see my first patient.

Twilight opened door, and i heard her say "You can go in now. Try to be nice as he'll be your housemate for a good number of months okay?" 

I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself. "Welcome!  My name is Doctor Quack and--" just then my eyes focused on this mare in front of me. Lets just say that my brain of thought dumb exploded train not work error error file not found reboot reboot reboot eject eject eject heat sink critical critical hit internal ammo explosion reactor breached eject eject eject.......

"SNAP OUT OF IT YOU IDIOT!!!! Reroute power from non-critical brain areas," which would explain the drool.

"Keep trying to restart the damned speech engine," which would explain the "hamanahamanhamana." 

"Brain software still loading! Systems still critical! ID-10-T error!!!" which would explain why i was looking and mumbling around like an idiot for a good 30 seconds or so. Good thing I was seated, as I felt all sense of balance leave me.

"Uhmmm, Doctor Quack.." 

Now that snapped me out of my stupor. I heard my internal Bitching Betty tell me "Reactor online, sensors online, weapons online, all systems nominal you idiot! Stop drooling and do something! ANYTHING!"

What stood before me was the....the...., i tried to think of a word to best describe her: Beautiful already belonged to Princess Luna. Princess Celestia was regal. Rarity was elegant. Lyra was cute. Applejack was the girl next door. Fluttershy was demure. Sweetie Belle would be a blooming flower. Roseluck would be pretty. Octavia was graceful. Rainbow would be thunderin' tsundere. Pinky was bubbly. Bon Bon was the mare of a thousand voices. Derpy was lovable. Vinyl was a thunderstorm waiting to happen. Twilight was the hot librarian princess...and then it hit me.

What stood before me was the most stunning mare I have ever met. Her silver and powder blue mane looked smooth, silky, clean, and it wonderfully complemented her cerulean blue fur, and those eyes, Celestia, those eyes. I always had a secret crush on Shoe Shine when I first saw her, but compared to this mare in front of me, Shoe Shine was but a candle to the sun.

I stood up to greet her a little more properly. "Be professional" I told myself. Also, try to find a way to stop your "Be professional" voice from sounding like Ms. Harshwhinny. 

I told her my real name, and extended my hand. I saw her hesitate, and saw a slight twitch before she extended her hoof, and shook my hand. I tried to stop my head from thinking about her fur, her fragrance, her eyes, her smooth well brushed coat, her minty breath....Okay brain, you're getting distracted. I don't want another system failure, do me a favor and replay that twitch from about five to seven seconds ago. There was something in that twitch that reminded me of something that I had to live with most of my life. It's something for me to work on later I thought, but right now let's see what makes her tick. 

"Okay Ms. Trixie Lulamoon, please take a seat and let's get started shall we?"