//------------------------------// // Strength and Discipline // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// A/N: WARNING: This chapter may not be as serious as some of my more serious chapters. If you wish to avoid an embarrassing read, I'd suggest looking away now to avoid discomfort. I'm serious. The non-canon of this chapter could potentially cause motion sickness. Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, Lemon Demon, and other outside parties. (Eh, I just wanted an excuse to use all of the main six characters in this particular work of fan fiction.) --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (13) ---Death Battle--- Is this for real? Is she really going to fight... him? Symbols of trust and honor are shown on the screen, one after the other. B opens up, "I don't think anyone saw this one coming. Unless of course they saw our preview (which we never made), in which case, congratulations! You're ahead of the pack." W reads, "Today, our two challengers come from backgrounds worthy of pride, honor, and genuine bragging rights." "Applejack of the G4 earth ponies will face off against one of my personal favorite competitors: Chuck Norris!" "He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle." ---Death Battle--- The title screen parts and reveals an image of an orange earth pony with a blonde mane and a stetson hat. "We're still putting ponies in these fights?" asks B, "They haven't been doing so well in performance recently." Indeed, the fights regarding Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle did not end in their favor. B is completely ignored by W who says, "Applejack is a proud member of the Apple family in charge of much of the labor and business of Sweet Apple Acres. She represents the Element of Honesty and always appreciates the fruits of hard work." "Heh heh," mutters B, "He said hard." Stats appear on screen as W continues. "As an earth pony, she's naturally strong physically. She can dislodge an entire tree of its apples simply by bucking it." "Ha ha ha ha ha!" Geez, does he act this immature normally? --- A/N: I'm afraid so. Just roll with it. --- O... kay. Anyway, W continues, "Applejack has strong roots in country living. She always prefers getting down and dirty when tackling problems rather than trying to maintain outside appearances." "Ha ha ha, 'down and dirty'? Ha ha ha ha!" "She is also considered one of Ponyville's best athletes. She won five of the Iron Pony Competition's events without breaking a sweat. It forced Rainbow Dash into a cheating corner for the rest of the competition." "Pfft, heh heh heh. Sorry, I've got the giggles." "Her other skills include animal herding, pastry baking, and helping other ponies in need. Often considered the most dependable pony, she even received an award for being the most loyal pony for steering a stampede of cattle away from the town." "Wait, what?" "Sometimes her pride gets the better of her and she'll resort to lying to herself and others to avoid painful mistakes." "Meh, no one's perfect." "Her arsenal consists of a lasso, apples, apple juice, and a single apple pie in her apple designed saddle bag." "Wait, those are weapons?" "She's capable of tossing an entire hay bale several feet using just the muscles from her jaw and neck." "Are these the jaws of life?" A cut scene shows Applejack telling her brother, "Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddle the issue." ---Death Battle--- A picture of a Caucasian man with a full face-beard and a look of authority appears after the title card separates. "Introducing," announces B, "The man that monsters look under their bed for, the one that vampires hide their necks from, the man who werewolves fear will bite them. It's Chuck *eff*ing Norris!" A stat screen appears as W offers backstory, "Also known as Carlos Ray Norris, Chuck is an actor and an American martial artist. He has founded Chun Kuk Do, a school of martial arts combining the Korean style of Tang Soo Do with elements from several other combat styles. It has a code of honor that aims for greater achievements and tries to help others succeed." "This guy gives Bruce Lee a run for his money." "He has earned a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and has carried the title of Walker, the Texas Ranger." "He's so freaking powerful, that Indiana Jones and Batman didn't stand a chance. It takes the combined efforts of Gandalf the Gray, Gandalf the White, the black knight, Benito Mussolini, the Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambie the genie, Robocop, Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, the Power Rangers, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Dr. Octopus, and Hulk Hogan to kick his *ss. The only one surviving after that mess is Mr. Rogers all covered in blood. Whew." "And Chuck is politically conservative." "Who needs liberal words when their fists and feet can do all the talking they'll ever need?" Chuck Norris flatly states to the camera, "Violence is my last option." ---Death Battle--- W declares, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all." B shouts, "Kick her butt, Chuck!" "What?" "I mean... let's get ready for a Death Battle!" ---Death Battle--- The title screen parts and we see a rather large field of apple trees. These aren't quite as cartoonish as those of Sweet Apple Acres, but they're not exactly 3D either. The skies are partly cloudy today. The camera pans around and we find Applejack and Chuck Norris all ready to go. She paws the ground with her front right hoof while he calmly holds his fists in front of him. There won't be any signs of cheap tricks here. "FIGHT!" Applejack makes the first charge. Chuck leaps out of the way and Applejack's kick instead goes into the tree. Several apples are dislocated and fall to the grass below. Chuck's martial arts training is apparent in the pattern of punches and kicks he throws at the orange pony. She recoils slightly but then charges back in with a few headbutts and whips from her tail. Now they seem to be evenly matched, though perhaps Norris is simply shadowboxing while Applejack warms up. In any case, neither fighter is showing any lasting pain or decisive edge. ... They're still going at it. It's more fun watching then it is describing. --- A/N: Narrator! Focus! --- Right, right, sorry. Oh! It looks like Chuck is the first to break away from the exchange of punches. He somehow jumps all the way to the top of one of the trees. Applejack, being a straightforward quick problem-solver, runs up to that particular tree and bucks it. Before the apples have a chance to fall, Chuck jumps to the next tree over. The farmer pony proceeds to charge and buck that tree. Chuck jumps again. This keeps happening a few times over. Finally, it seems Chuck has had enough tree-hopping and jumps down back to the ground a few feet away from where Applejack bucked last. She also changes her strategy and pulls out her trusty lasso. After swinging it around a few times, she tosses it at the man. For a second, he appears to be ensnared, only to snap free of it with his sheer manliness. Applejack pulls out a couple of her apples and kicks them at Norris. He easily turns them to mush with his roundhouse kick. The farmer pony takes this time to pull out one of her juice bottles and takes a swig. She spits the empty bottle to her right, then charges at the man again. They both take a running leap at each other. The slow motion camera decides to take effect here and it seems like they're suspended in the air. As they collide, the camera resumes normal speed. A dust cloud forms around the combatants as sounds of hits and kicks are still audible. This takes place for a few seconds. As the dust clears, a faint outline shows the winner standing with one foot on the opponent lying on his back. An off-screen referee counts, "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!" An off-screen bell rings. "K.O.!" ---Death Battle--- "What?" asks a shocked B, "NOOOOO!" "Chuck Norris had a clear advantage early on," reflects W, "He even seemed to be toying with Applejack when she started giving it her all in hand-to-hoof combat. He has a very patient attitude where Applejack was in a hurry to finish the job. However, remember that Applejack's neck alone can produce the Newtons per meter necessary to lift and toss a hay bale that can be as heavy as 130 pounds. She wasn't going to be fragile in this fight, even when facing the greatest man to ever live." "Somebody just shoot me now." "The winner is Applejack." A closing picture of Applejack appears with her name boldly written underneath her. ---Death Battle--- The credits roll as our hosts thank the audience for watching. --- A/N: I can be fairly certain that at least one comment directed toward this chapter will be negative despite my warning in the first author's note in this chapter. Oh, well. I'll live. Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. Applejack is best pony. FLAME SHIELDS UP! --- ... The sky holds a blue, dusky aura. A campfire is crackling. An empty pie plate rests a few feet away from it. Two shadow-outlined figures are resting on log seats on opposite sides of the fire. "Why'd you let me win?" asks the shorter figure. "Two reasons," replies the taller figure, "One, I believe that people should all feel worthwhile. Two, I believe that the success of others is just as important as my own." "Hm," hummed the first figure. It let a smile across its face. "Well then, thank you," it says. "You're welcome," says the taller figure as it slowly gets up and walks away. --- Dear Princess Celestia, Today I was reminded of a lesson that needed a little reviewing. See, winning isn't everything, even to a guy or girl that's capable of doing so all the time. It's important to stick your neck out there for others and help them realize that their worth is just as important in the world as your own. Signed, Your loyal subject Applejack P.S. I'll be sending you a piece of apple cake to enjoy while you recover from your injuries. --- ---Death Battle---