I wasn't sure how I felt at this moment. Sure I was now free of that chain, but it also has grown to be a part of me. I might be scared of Pinkie, but at the same time I've grown to like her as a friend. All these feelings inside of me were making me feel depressed. Hard to believe that since I've landed in Equestria I have been given alot more time to think about myself. Back on earth I was always the clown, the outcast or the shadow. I never really did anything to deserve recognition by others. I spent most of my life moving from town to town, city to city, I never really had the time to make friends.
I sat down on the balcony outside my room. The sunset was buitiful today, Luna really outdid herself this time. Pinkie was beside me, enjoying my company. I felt terrible about the way things went when I first came here. A tear went down my face as I went deep into thought.
Pinkie: "Curtis is something wrong?"
Me: "It's nothing."
Not true, I just didn't want to talk about it.
Pinkie: "Come on Curtis, I know somethings up, tell me, tell me."
I sighed and let out a deep breath.
Me: "Pinkie I feel terrible, I wasn't completely honest about how I felt the other day."
Pinkie: "So what's up?"
I felt a lump in my throat form as I struggled to find the words.
Me: "This quirky persona that I have shown so far isn't who I am as a person. You see ten years ago, I was nine at the time, I was diagnosed with autismn and depression. At the time I didn't understand what was going on, and I suffered because of it."
Pinkie just stared at me as I talked. My words being drilled into her mind.
Me: "After a while the strain of trying to fit in with a society that demands you to be normal caused me to snap. I grew violent and lashed out at others over the simplest of things. I was then taken from my family and put into a mental home where I lived most of my life in solitude."
I noticed Pinkie starting to tear up, but I still continued. I needed to tell someone or somepony.
Me: "I felt that all that happened so far was my fault. I soon developed a split personality to shield me from the gult I felt inside. I became random, I lost control of myself at times and just let it all loose. I grew oblivious to the fact that I hurt others because of my actions, but whenever someone called me on it all those feelings of gult came back. I grew bitter and I only acted weird to hide my sadness deep inside. But then I came here, I tried to keep my feelings deep inside me here too. I didn't want anyone to know about my past, and it's only just recently started to come back to haunt me. All those things I did, was to hide myself from the world, from me and the feelings of gult that I felt."
What happened next took me by surprise. Pinkie launched herself at me and put me in a big bear hug.
Pinkie: "Why didn't you say so earlier, you know you can trust me and my friends."
Me: "That's just it Pinkie, I can't trust anyone. I never had a true friend in my life and I doubt that I ever will."
That last sentence stung me.
Pinkie: "That's not true, sure you may feel sad inside, but you have me. I won't let you beat yourself up over the past, you can tell me anything."
I couldn't help but smile at those words. Those kind words, it's been ten long years since I have heard words like those. I hugged Pinkie back.
Me: "Thank you, I promise not to keep anything from you or your friends ever again. I might be different from now on but I'm still that same random person you've met two days ago. You have been the first person I told this to, but please keep it between us okay. I don't want the others to know."
Pinkie: "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, I promise to keep this between us."
Ahh yes the fabled Pinkie promise, I've only heard this once in the show. I never thought I will hear it again. Somehow I felt calm and at peace. It was about time my story was told, and somehow I think it's for the best. I sense the beginning of a buitiful friendship.