So, there I was, having a picnic on the roof with my wife.
Would have been an idyllic scene, except for, you know... everything. I was a gigantic centaur with a pair of righteously metal horns. She was an admittedly kinda gothy, kinda metal unicorn. We were sitting atop a massive bug-pony hive made of green crystal in the middle of a forest, feasting on an admittedly very nice meal that I had prepared for us. I went with a classic: A garden pizza, one of my specialties. The Trifecta, my three sisters, were diehard vegetarians, as was my mother, so I learned a lot about vegetarian meals. Good thing, too: I had a distinct feeling that I wasn't likely to ever see a hamburger or a t-bone steak again, outside of a gruesome murder...
The pizza was a hit with Skyflower: She'd actually pre-dated the invention of the meal, and she found the idea as novel as it was delicious. The two of us ate in a companionable silence, admiring the starry night. For a while, it felt as idyllic as it should have looked. After a few minutes, we both broke the silence at the same time.
"About the wedding..."
Both of us stopped, blushed, then after a moment, Skyflower said, "You go first..."
Embarrassed, I looked away from her. I paused, then said, "I'm... really sorry about all of this. I mean, we both got super, super drunk, and we ended up getting married. I honestly don't remember any of it. And because of all of that, I've landed you in a massive mess." Looking back towards her, I said, "When things have calmed down, and we're sure your uncle isn't coming back, we can see about getting the wedding annulled if you want..." It shouldn't prove that difficult: We were both drunk. Hell, everyone in the hive was so drunk that the world's most drunken (and metal) centaur had seemed like the a reasonable authority figure. As said centaur, I shouldn't be complaining, but I honestly couldn't wonder what they'd been thinking.
Skyflower gave me a long look with that expression I still couldn't recognize, but seemed very familiar. After a moment, she gave me a small smile, and said, "We can talk about that later. For right now, I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere."
I nodded, then said, "Alright." Beyond that, I let the matter drop. Honestly, I still didn't know how I felt about all of this. Over the course of two days, I'd died, come back to life as one of the most feared villains in Equestria, accidentally helped topple a tyrant, got drunk, took over as the ruler of a species I only barely understood, helped improve their lives a thousand fold, married a unicorn I just met, got into a fight with Discord, whooped him until he decided to cheat, defeated him by invoking copyright law, and then sat down with him for tea. To say that the last twenty-four hours had been hectic was the greatest understatement of age. I'd played everything by ear so far, and done an admittedly awesome job, but I'd need to start planning things out, thinking things through, or else something was certain to explode in my face soon...
I was distracted by my reverie by the feeling of Skyflower suddenly leaning against me. After a moment, she said, "You know... I remember everything that happened last night."
That was news to me. "You do?"
She giggled, then said, "Oh yes. I've got a great memory. I never forget anything. And... I have to admit, you were impressive last night."
With a sad little chuckle, I said, "You're just saying that."
Prodding my side with a hoof, she said, "No, no, I mean it. I understand that you're probably not used to this body, but you need to remember that you have a very... commanding presence, the way you are right now. When you speak, others cannot help but listen. Beer Blaster's Equation aside, you could have been stone sober, and the changelings would have been hanging on your every word. It was the fact that what you said made sense, that your ideas worked, that was what made the changelings bow to you. If you'd just been another tyrant, I suspect that you'd have just been dragged outside in your sleep and left for my subordinates to stumble across in the morning. Instead, they view you as their leader, and more than a leader."
I'd not yet heard of Beer Blaster's famed Drunken Leadership Equation. Two hundred years ago, a drunken genius of an earth pony had deduced, in any gathering of any Equestrian, or semi-equestrian, species, the automatic leader of any gathering of drunks can be determined by a combination of size, loudness, and intoxication, regardless of rank while sober. Of course, there's a complex equation regarding how mass, decibels, and blood alcohol content compare to one another (Look, Beer Blaster spent years researching this stuff, and the full details fill a book three hundred pages long. It makes for an awesome read, but time and place, people!), but the long and short of it was, as the loudest, most drunken, and by far the largest individual in the room, I was automatic leader of the hive for the evening.
How awesome is Equestria that everything I just told you is the absolute truth?
But she was right about one thing: If I'd behaved like a total jackass last night (And I apologize to any real jackasses who might be in the audience), I wouldn't have had Ash and the others bowing to me today. I wasn't the leader because I'd claimed to be one, I was the leader because I'd acted like one...
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If a living shadow could release its bowels, then King Sombra would have shit himself so hard that it would have launched him into the sky at escape velocity, and ended up being the first unicorn self-exiled to the moon through the power of explosive defecation. Instead, his whisper of "Celestia's rose-scented, honey-flavored dung" from his otherwise stoic lips was sufficient to convey his shock and horror.
That was Lord Tirek up there. LORD RUTTING TIREK!!! What in Hades was he doing loose? And why was he up there, next to Skyflower? They looked... familiar with one another. In fact, the look that she was giving him was almost... affectionate. No, it couldn't be...
Blood curses and balefires, Skyflower had gone and married the one being in the entire world that could potentially be a threat, asides from the princesses themselves, or maybe Discord...
Well, this was a new wrinkle. Sombra had a limited amount of time before his reconstructed body started to break down. He needed to collect Skyflower and transport her to the necessary place by midnight tomorrow night, or he'd be going right back to Hades, only this time without a 'get out of eternal agony free card'.
A frontal assault wouldn't work now. If Tirek saw Sombra coming, then all he'd need to do is drain Sombra's magic and it would be over. Still, there was always the oblique approach. Sombra had seen a troop of soldiers on the outskirts of the forest on his way here. Properly managed, they might make for a good distraction...
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Twilight Sparkle looked up at the sky as they made camp for the night. It had been frustrating that they had to stop before they'd even come into sight of the forest, but they needed to rest. If they reached the changeling hive, but were to exhausted to do anything once they got there, then they may as well just hand Tirek the Elements on a silver platter.
Of course, so far as Twilight knew, the Elements of Harmony were practically useless to Lord Tirek. Still, better not to take a risk...
But it would be so much easier if she'd been able to reach Luna and Celestia. Not for the first time, Twilight was filled with self-doubt. It had all been so simple in the beginning: All she'd really wanted to do was learn magic from her idol, Princess Celestia. She'd not realized that becoming her student would have such... extreme consequences. Twilight hadn't asked to become a princess. It had simply happened. Then again, neither had Cadance. In fact, Celestia had mentioned, on a few occasions, how she'd wished that she didn't have all of the responsibilities of a ruler, that she could go out and have fun like other ponies. The responsibilities, the burdens of leadership, can often outweigh the benefits.
Some are born great, some seek greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them.
No one had bothered to ask her if she'd wanted all of this. That was the worst part of it. She could understand why, of course: Sunset Shimmer had found out where the path she was being led down ended before she was truly ready, and tried to skip to the conclusion. Celestia would only bestow the gift of alicorn-dom to one who deserved it, but not to someone who hungered for that power. But a little warning might have been nice. You know, a little note attached to Starswirl's unfinished spell saying, "Oh hey, if you finish this, you're going to be turned into an alicorn, hope you don't mind." Instead, her friends had received the shock of their lives, and Twilight had suddenly found herself as a head of state...
She sighed, then flapped her wings a few times, restless. Well, how many times had she, when the situation had turned ugly, taken charge without being asked? She was the one who had gone in search of the Elements of Harmony, and had in fact been willing to go it alone, before her friends joined her. She was the one who had become the leader for Winter Wrap Up in Ponyville, and had ensured that every year, the entire event went without a hitch. She was the one who, when Celestia and Luna went missing, had returned the Elements to the Tree of Harmony in the first place. She might have been an egghead (And Rainbow Dash never let her forget that), but when the chips were down, and a leader was needed, she was the pony that came up with a plan. The one that led the charge. The one that saved the day. She might not have wanted the wings, but she'd earned them. She'd deserved them. Of all the ponies in the world, Twilight Sparkle was the one, the only one, who'd proven herself worthy of them.
She just wished that there was someone out there who understood what it was like, to suddenly find yourself in this kind of position...
Rainbow Dash nudged Pinkie Pie, and said, "She's doing it again."
Pinkie Pie giggled, then said, "Lost in her own little world." With a sly look, she added, "I've got the sombrero. Did you bring...?"
Dashie chuckled, then gestured towards her backpack. "Oh yeah..."
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack all giggled, revealing that they'd also brought their own contributions. After all, there was always time for a prank amongst friends.
Half an hour later, Twilight Sparkle was surprised to find that she was wearing a sombrero, along with Groucho glasses and a Harry Trotter Scarf, and zebra stripes had been made on her coat with a magic marker... oh, and someone had put an apple in her mouth. She giggled to herself, and made a note to avoid getting lost in thought like that while her friends were feeling playful...
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"You know," I began, a little sheepishly, "I've been wondering, but I've been afraid to ask because I'm certain that I'll sound like an idiot. Why are they called changelings?" Well, it just seemed strange to me. I'd yet to see their signature ability, after all...
Skyflower giggled, then said, "Changelings have the ability to change their appearance at will. They can make themselves look like anyone who is of similar size and shape."
My eyes wide, I asked, "Shapeshifters?" That was an incredibly dangerous ability: In a world where creatures like that existed, how would you know that the person you're speaking with really IS the person you're speaking with? "Ummm, you are the real Skyflower, right?"
Giggling, she said, "Yes, I promise, I'm the real Skyflower, silly."
A half-smile on my face, I said, "Oh really? Prove it." It might be a good idea to find out how to tell a pony from a changeling in disguise. That way, if she or my new subjects decided to prank me later on, I'd have a clue on how to tell the two apart.
Smiling, Skyflower's horn lit up, and a bolt of magic shot up into the sky. After a few seconds, it burst into a pyrotechnic display. That's right, folks: Fireworks. As she looked up at her work with a grin, she said, "With the exception of the queen, changelings can't perform magic spells. So, the simplest way to make certain that a unicorn really is a unicorn is to ask her to cast a spell. For a pegasus, ask her to do a loop de loop: Changeling wings aren't built for even the most basic stunt-flying. For an earth pony, just poke them: Changelings can only change their appearance, not their anatomy, so they're solid, instead of squishy, no matter what form they take."
With an admiring expression, I said, "I wish I could do that..."
"You can," Skyflower said, simply. At my disbelieving expression she said, "Lord Tirek was able to perform a number of spells after stealing magic. You may only be using his body, but you should still be able to do so."
An eyebrow raised, I asked, "How?"
Confused, Skyflower asked, "How what?"
Unable to resist, I answered, "How do I shot magic?"