Proofread/ edited by Luna-tic
I walked inside the throne room and instantly had two spears thrust in my face. Not a good idea. I've always had a twitchy reflex system, and a fast one at that, having to grow up in the bad parts of Liverpool. That, combined with my training, my already decent fighting skills given to me by several days worth of video games and higher than average IQ (156, for the record), and aggression problems caused by several issues growing up, resulted in two knocked out guards and me holding two spears within three seconds.
I forced myself back to a calm demeanour, and turned to the princesses. "I do not appreciate having sharp sticks shoved in my face when I walk through a door." I quipped, throwing the spears out of the way. Not exactly my best introduction.
Luna was in uproar. "THOU WOULDST DARE ATTACK OUR GUARDS IN FRONT OF OUR VERY EYES!? THOU MUST TRULY HAVE A DEATHWISH!" She screamed in the Royal Caps Lock, standing on her two hind legs for emphasis, and charged up her horn for a powerful attack.
"In all fairness, they tried to kill me first. They'll wake up in an hour or two." I said, trying not to sound intimidated. Truth was, I have never been more fearful of anyone in my life, not even my drill sergeant.
"PREPARE TO PERISH!" Luna screamed, before a peeved-off-looking Celestia held her back and pushed her to her seat.
"What is the meaning of this, human?" Celestia said harshly.
I bowed respectfully. "Princess Twilight took me here to meet you. I am surprised she is not at the door yet." Celestia maintained her stare as I spoke.
"How do you know of my former student?" She questioned, eyes narrowing as she did so.
"I fell through a portal on to her table, hence the broken nose." I explained, standing up.
It was at that moment that Twilight and company showed up.
"Took you long enough." I smirked.
"I'm sorry for my lateness Pr- I mean, Celestia. We just- SWEET FAUST WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE GUARDS!?" Apparently, Twilight had noticed my mess.
"They put spears into my face without even waiting to see if I was hostile. I do not appreciate that." I said, hands clasped behind my back.
"You WHAT!?" She screamed in shock and anger. This was not going well.
"Calm down. Jesus, they'll only be knocked out for a couple of hours at most." I said, waving my arms in a downward gesture, a signal for her not to lose her shit.
Twilight only glared before turning back to Celestia. "I apologise for his bluntness. He arrived earlier today by apparently head-butting a table so hard that he teleported to this demension." She said mirthfully, clearly mocking my 'spectacular' entrance.
"Oh, shush, you." I said faux-seriously, smiling a bit at the joke.
"And why, might we ask, didst thou bringeth it hither? 'Tis it not a dangerous creature?" Luna asked skeptically, narrowing her eyes.
"He does not very much like being called a creature. And I am here because I'm the only one of my kind on this planet, the only other humans you have met being from an alternate dimension. Also, whilst travelling here, I sensed a dark power awakening, which, if any fan fics I've read so far give any indication, is most likely King Sombra reborn, and he will be heading this way." I said in the calmest and most even voice I could muster.
This news made all three princesses reel back. Well, it is Sombra we're talking about here (probably).
"Then we should att-" Luna started.
"No, Luna, we need to address our first issue." Celestia interrupted, turning to me. "Do you have a name, human?" Her motherly tone from the show was returning.
"Yes, I do. I am Han Solo, fastest flier in the galaxy." I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud. Luna saw right through it, however.
"Whilst we doth appreciate thine "Mare Wars" reference, we wish to know thy true name." Sweet Celestia, Geeky Luna lives! And there's a pony version of Star Wars.
Added to bucket list.
"Fine, I'm Ryan Meyler, ok?" I said.
"That name is preposterous!" Luna said.
"Well, thanks for the compliment! Now you only need to insult my mother and my hair style, and you've won!" I sarcastically answered, hands on hips.
"Wait, that is thy real name?" I nodded. "We art truly sorry about that. We meant no offence to thee." Her ears flattened to her skull and she looked guilty, glancing at the floor.
"Hnnnnnngggggg!" I screamed, clutching my chest and collapsing to the floor. "Too..... Adorable...... Can't....... Breathe........"
Luna blushed at this.
I stopped having a heart attack and looked at her from my position on the floor. "It's fine, Luna. I knocked out your guards, and you insulted my name. It's called Karma, I believe." I stood on my feet again.
"Your words are too kind." Luna gushed. "We wish to pay thee back for our behaviour." Holy Buck! I just accidentally hit on the Goddess of the freaking moon! And she blushed!!! It's like a fanfic!!!!!! I am being shipped with Luna!
"Y-you needn't worry about that, Luna. 'Twas but an honest mistake." I promptly bowed at that.
"Sorry to interrupt you two love birds," Shut up, Trollestia! "but should we not be questioning his motives or how he knows that it's Sombra on the loose?"
I decided to give her the pleasure of a non-sarcastic response. "I have no motives. I never planned for this. As for how I know it's Sombra, the dark feeling I had had an aura of fear and anger in large supply, and the only beings that I know of who could have that much in reserve is Sombra or an angry Twilight."
"Hey!"
"But I'm guessing you have larger concerns." I said, pointing to a half written scroll next to Celestia. "I take it that a villain called Tirek has escaped from Tartarus, and fully intends on destroying the planet?" Celestia nodded in shock. "Good. Send Discord to deal with him. Discord will no doubt fail his task and trust Tirek, who he thinks of as a friend. Then give Twilight all of the alicorn magic to hide it from him, using it against him when he arrives at Ponyville after Canterlot. They will have a showdown and Twilight gets a castle. SO SAYS THE WORD OF THE HUMAN!" I said, grinning ear to ear.
".... What?" Celestia said.
"Just do it. I'm trying to keep it canon here."
"Are you high?" RD asked.
"Possibly, but I might be just insane, but also smart. Trust me on this one."
"..."
The room was quiet.
"Don't you have a villain to stop?" I instructed more than told.
We all walked our separate ways to prepare, and I overheard Luna whispering to Celestia, "I like this one. He's cute."
I blushed at this (What? Men can blush! And she called me cute! How was I supposed to react?) and decided to ask a royal guard to escort me to a spare room, hoping to prepare myself for a supper that no doubt would be served later on.