"Rarity Rarity Rarity have you seen my oboe?! Oh hi Sweetie Belle, where's Rarity?"
Pinkie Pie hopped into Carousel Boutique looking for Rarity who, obviously, would know where her oboe was. However, all she found was a little filly with her eyes rolled up and hoof pointing towards a counter where Opal seemed to be floating in the air.
"Ooo, Sweetie did you fillies become the Cutie Mark Crusader Cat Levitators?"
"Eh, no Pinkie Pie," Sweetie Belle shrugged, "Opal's sitting on top of Rarity who is trying to find her hammer. You know, you grown up ponies are so weird."
Now that Sweetie Belle mentioned it Pinkie realized that Opal wasn't so much levitating as vibrating on a shaking Rarity. "Oh how dreadful! Wherever did my hammer go? Oh, Pinkie Pie, how much time do I have before those disgusting creatures tear through my wonderful dresses again?"
"What are you talking about, Rarity?" Pinkie tilted her head.
Rarity, emerging from behind the counter, popped her head out and sent Opal flying into a wall. Her elegant mane was topped by a slightly less elegant midnight blue hard hat. Her eyes widen in fear and she whisper, "the parasprites".
"AHH! PARASPRITES! WHERE?! I NEED MY TUBA NOW!!!!!" Pinkie Pie started bouncing around the store, sending dresses flying everywhere and Sweetie Belle behind a pair of dressing room doors.
"I was hoping that you would tell me."
"How would I know?"
"Well you're looking for an oboe, right?"
"Oh, silly Rarity!" Pinkie suddenly calmed down and stopped herself midair. "The oboe's not for parasprites."
"Oh. Well then. No need for this outrageous hat," Rarity said as she telekinetically removed her helmet, "or boarding up my beautiful windows either. Now, Pinkie Pie, why in Ponyville were you looking for an oboe?"
"Oh! It's for a threesome!"
"A threesome?" Sweetie Belle poked her head out from the dressing room. "What's that, Rarity?"
"Well it's like if you and Apple Bloom and Scoot---" "That's quite enough, Pinkie Pie." Rarity managed to shove the hard hat into Pinkie's mouth just in time. "This is not a conversation for young fillies. Go to your room now." Sweetie Belle scooted away and sulked. "Now, Pinkie Pie, could you tell me exactly what is going on?"
"WellrememberthismorningwhenwewereinthespaandIwaslike---
[Insert Flashback Sequence]
ERROR: AUTORECAP INITIATION FAILURE
MANUAL FLASHBACK NEEDED
PLEASE REREAD THE ORIGINAL BARN SURPRISE AT THIS POINT
THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY
ALSO THIS ERROR TEXT SHOULD BE IN A FIXED WIDTH FONT
SO PLEASE PRETEND THAT IT IS
---andthenIwaslike*GASP*thiscallsforathreesome."
Pinkie Pie finally remembered to breathe.
"And I suppose that you needed an oboe to play suitably romantic music while this… threesome… is happening, am I correct?" Rarity, despite just having to dodge waves of Pinkie Saliva, remained composed and business-like.
"Eh, no. Rarity, an oboe's, like, long," Pinkie rolled her eyes at Rarity, "and you can push it inside narrow places?"
"Oh I was hoping you wouldn't say that," Rarity let out a sigh, "it is such a horrific idea."
"Rarity, you are such a prude," Pinkie said as she grabbed a nearby dress, "you need to learn how to party!"
"Pinkie Pie, darling, I know how to, *cough* 'party', yes," Rarity somehow managed to make air quotes with her hoofs, "but not with an oboe! It's got so many shape edges, and bumps and wedges and valves---"
"But the bumps are what makes it so---"
"---and its curvature is simply dreadfully dull. Besides, it is so unsanitary, with all those gross places that bacteria and germs can gather," Rarity shuddered, "it should be a crime to place an oboe into someone you care about."
"But---"
There were no "but"s at this point, now that Rarity is riled up. She spent the next eternity or so explaining to Pinkie Pie why musical instruments in general were so unsanitary and that the Ponyville marching band should really wipe down their instruments after every blow and so on and so forth.
"I wonder where Pinkie Pie is," Rainbow Dash asked as she laid curled up in Applejack's legs atop a brand new pile of hay, "normally it doesn't take her this long to find me."
"Ah ain't complainin'. Reckon whatever's keepin' her would give us enough time for round three," Applejack said with a smirk, admiring how fine her hat looks on cute little Rainbow Dash, "'sides, ain't nobody in Ponyville know 'bout Big Mac's backup barn."
"Why does your brother have a backup barn hidden behind the farm, anyway?"
"You don't wanna know," Applejack suddenly got all serious-like, "and you ain't gonna."
"Oookay, whatever you say Appletart."
"Eh, Rainbow, can you stop calling me by mah aunt's name?"
"I swear it's impossible to find pet names for you."
"Sorry Rainbow, it's just a little freaky when ya'll scream my great grandma's name s'all."
"I bet she was hot."
"Rainbow---" Applejack was about to give Rainbow a good spank in the flank when the backup barn doors (that's the doors to the backup barn, not the backup to the doors to the backup barn or any other barn) flew open and a pink blur appeared before them.
"SURPRISE!!!!!"
"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Rainbow and Applejack instinctively huddled together.
"Oops, forgot my oboe," Pinkie reached into her saddle bag for the long, oddly shaped instrument.
"AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Rainbow and Applejack instinctively snapped their hind legs shut.
"Pinkie Pie I told you to get rid of that flute!" Rarity slowly trotted into the barn, taking care to avoid any potential mud-related puddles.
"Fine." Pinkie put the oboe back and as the oboe entered the bag air entered into the huddled lovers' lungs again.
"Terribly sorry she scared you like that," Rarity trotted towards the now more relaxed ponies, "I told her that the oboe was, frankly, a stupid idea."
"Ah'm thankful and all that, Rarity, but what the hay are you doing here?"
"Well," Rarity started opening her saddle bags with her unicorn magic, "Pinkie Pie told me about her plan for a threesome involving an oboe, and I thought, that just won't do! I couldn't let you suffer like that. After all, we are BFFs, right?"
"Right," Rainbow Dash said hopefully, "that was a horrible idea and I for one am glad you stopped it from happening. Now would you mind leaving us alone?"
Rarity didn't seem to hear the last part of Rainbow's speech balloon. "I'm glad you agree, Rainbow Dash. So, I made you loveponies these!"
In a brilliant and unnecessary flash, Rarity revealed her latest creations: two elegantly crafted, um, saddles? "What the hay are those?!"
"Oh, Applejack, I'm not surprised that you don't know what these are," Rarity chuckle as she started demonstrating how it was used, "they are the latest craze in the, shall we say, darker fashion markers of Canterlot. You see, you unhook these here, and there, and you place it around your flank and do this and this and that and---it's probably going to be hard without unicorn magic but I'm sure Rainbow can help you---now you finally put this here and, voila! I'm just like a stallion!"
"Ooo! Pretty!" Pinkie Pie somehow has gotten under Rarity and admired her latest creation. Applejack, in the meantime, was staring blankly at Rarity with her jaws open.
"Now, Pinkie Pie, I've made one for everypony. Here's yours. Give it a lick, will you?"
"It tastes like frosting!"
"Yes it does! Isn't it wonderful!"
"Mmfmfmmf!"
"Oh Pinkie Pie, it is very unladylike to talk with your mouth full."
"Look, Applejack, I'm a unicorn! Applejack? Hello? Are you there?"
"Rainbow! You're not supposed to wear it on your head!"
"Well I bet it's going to make my headbutts 20% stronger!" Rainbow started waving her new horn in Applejack's face. "Let's see if I can use my new unicorn magic to slap some sense into her."
"Applejack, darling? Are you all right?"
"Um, ah, yes. Rainbow Dash! Cut that out! Sorry, ah was, um, confused. Ain't seen nothin' like this before. No ma'am. Not sure how to handle it."
"Well, Applejack, you're sure to love yours. I've made it extra special just for you."
"Um, 'kay. Thanks? So is it apple scented or somethin'?" Applejack was getting slightly more comfortable with this at this point, but she was still slowly shifting and chewing nervously on a piece of straw.
"Oh, how pedestrian! Of course not! The most hardworking pony of Ponyville deserves something extra special! Here," Rarity leaned in closer---and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did the same as they knew that when Rarity promoted something to hush-hush status it must be special---and giggled and whispered, "I modeled it after Big Macintosh."
All at the same time, Pinkie Pie gave a *GASP* louder than the one from the first episode, Applejack froze solid and fell over sideways, and Rainbow Dash's had a little sonic rainboom in her hindquarters.