Waking Up on the Moon

by Szulu


Ch.2: Panic Attack(s)

Waking Up on the Moon
-Szulu-

When I came to I was in a void, there was nothing to see nothing to observe, my senses felt utterly useless. Being in a place so empty, having no sensory input, its terrifying.
I will admit to panicking at least for a short period.
After an indeterminable amount of time my world was suddenly flooded with color and sound. I was relived to be able to see and hear again though it was odd to not have any of my other senses.
It was then that I noticed what I was looking at.
Staring straight at me, a look of sadness on it’s face, was another one of those weird equines. This one was white with a prismatic mane, which upon further observation seemed to be shifting colors occasionally, and what appeared to be a crown resting on its head. It also sported a pair of wings and a horn, though I was unsure if this was normal for these creatures, I hadn’t really gotten a good look at the other one.
It opened its mouth, “So you’ve returned.”
It was still strange to see these horse things talk, which brought another good question to mind, why did I understand them, honestly what were the chances that both our species would speak English. Not fricken, high thats for sure.
I opened my mouth to respond, or at least tried to, as it was around this point that I realized I had no control over my body, no I was merely an observer.
So of course I panicked… again.
‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!’
‘Quite creature, your being a nuisance!’ spoke an unfamiliar voice in my head… wait what?
Before I could question this new voice, my body began to speak.
“Yes, I have returned, and now it is time for you and your precious day to fade, FOREVER!”
The white one hung its head in what seemed to be resignation, “Yes that was the agreement was it not, you would give Luna a thousand years of freedom from your grasp if I did nothing to stop you at then end of that time.” She, I think it was a she, sure sounded like one, sighed here muttering under her breath, “if only those thousand years had taken place here.” She quickly regained her composure looking straight at my body before continuing her earlier thought, “you don’t need to worry I am a mare of my word, I will not stop you.”
I felt, what I can only describe as fury rise in my mind, which shortly calmed into a very smug feeling, “You honestly think a normal Pony, or even group of normal Ponies, would be enough to defeat me, you’ve gone senile Celestia.” The smirk at the end of that sentence made me want to wring the voice’s neck myself.
The white one, Celestia, if the voice was to be believed, responded with a knowing, smile of her own, “I have the utmost confidence in my student, Nightmare.”
This seemed to anger the voice, as I felt the fury return, “Begone Celestia!” The voice snarled, a dim light was briefly visible at the top of my vision and then ‘Celestia’ was gone.
My body chuckled briefly, “And now for you creature, you are certainly resilient to still have a conscious mind, not that you will for much longer…” another chuckle. I’m really starting to hate the voice.
The world started to blur again… No… I had to fight, the way it was talking, it sounded like I would fade away forever. I struggled against the darkness, flailing my mental grasp out in all directions trying to find something to grasp on to, something to anchor me to reality. I had no idea what I was doing, I wasn’t really thinking either, it was more an instinctual action then anything else. It seemed futile at first, I was trapped, and the walls were closing in, the voice had the upper hand.
The darkness surrounded me, I was drowning, falling, crying screaming, all at once, but at the same time not at all.
Then in what seemed like an instant, it all faded, and all I could sense was a fearful presence beside me. It is hard to explain what the presence actually was, think of it as the manifestation of emotion, or an aspect of the self, and you would have a good approximation. Being able to know what it truly was, required you to experience it for yourself, knowing this, wasn’t a science and no one ever told me what the presence was for fact, it was just something I knew simply by nature of existing, like an instinct.
As far as I could tell the presence didn’t have awareness, but as long as it was near I felt a innocence and purity.
No more darkness searched for me, though it was still all that existed here. After some thought I concluded that the presence was some how masking me from the voice, I had no idea how, probably in the same way it was doing to itself.
“Thank you.” I said to it in relief trying my hardest to get my gratitude across to it. In all honesty I knew it probably couldn’t understand me at all, it was just a ball of emotion and thought, who knows though maybe it could understand my emotion and intention the same way I could feel it’s.
By this point I had figured out that I was probably inside the voice’s head, as in my mind, and the voices’ both existed in this one body. It sounded far-fetched, sure, and I had never heard of anything like it outside of fiction, but it explained all the things happening to me, and it wouldn’t be much stranger then anything else I had gone through today, assuming it was still the same day that I woke up on the moon.
I had no idea what to do, it seemed I was trapped, here. It was obvious I was no match for the voice, so escape, was not really an option. I seemed to be safe here with the presence, and that was better then just about anywhere else right now. So I supposed I would just have to settle in to wait, not much else I could do. At least I wouldn’t get hungry, being outside my body and all.
Dear god my body.
I felt my mind curl in on itself, and then began the panic attack.

Three Hours Later

So one panic attack later, I had calmed myself enough to be rational. Really logic and rationality were probably the only things keeping me in one piece at this point.
Don’t panic. Why? Panicking does nothing. Panic is unproductive, it won’t get you out of this. Set a goal. Getting out of here seems to be a non-option, so survive. All I need to do is stay here with the presence and I should be fine.
This is obviously all real, dreams don’t last this long, and I was able to feel pain before, there is no point in rejecting reality, accept it and deal with it.
Thats all I can do.
I was still high-strung, to much was happening, and I was beginning to doubt my ability to stay sane. And who wouldn’t? With everything that had happened to me so far, I was lucky my panic attack only lasted three hours, a weaker man would probably be off the deep end by now.
How do you know your not?
I shook that thought away, no need to think like that, survive, thats my goal, compartmentalize my problems, one thing at a time. I felt the beginnings of panic set in,
‘Calm down!’ I gripped my hair, tugging at it, then realized I had no hair, and no hands. And no body. How had I not noticed? Was it because I was so used to feeling my limbs that even though they weren’t there they still felt like they were, almost like an amputee feeling phantom versions of their body parts?
What if I was trapped here so long I forgot what I looked like, forgot who I was?
If I could still breath, I probably would have started hyperventilating. I recognized the signs of another panic attack setting in. I had just calmed down, I needed to stay that way.
I was male, eighteen years old. About average height if a bit short. Long dark brown hair, brown eyes. Snarky, logical, realistic. Human.
I was Felix Booker, college hopeful, I was real, I existed. I didn’t forget, I wouldn’t forget.
I felt the my tension dissipate, the panic attack passing me by. I was calm.
Of course that would be the same time at which I felt the darkness around me ripple. What was happening? Did something happen to the voice, was the mind I was living in collapsing? What did that mean for me?
Pulling myself back from my thoughts, I looked to the presence, or where it used to be, it was gone, but still the darkness had yet to turn violent. Then I felt it, innocence and purity surrounding my very being.
No. It hadn’t disappeared, it had grown, grown so quickly that I was in it at this very moment.
I barely had time to process this revelation, before a sudden light began to pierce the darkness that had been surrounding me. A rainbow of colors surrounded me, I felt a pull, almost as though someone were tugging at my hand. It felt safe, good. I followed it, and the light enveloped me.