//------------------------------// // 26 - Explanations and humility // Story: The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper // by Techogre //------------------------------// I smiled and watched Dash and Applejack walking into Ponyville, laughing and bumping into each other in friendly one-upmanship. Mac was still waiting by the tree, a smile actually noticeable. “Damn good to see them friends again, Mac. I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn't made up.” The wheat stock in his mouth moved from side to side, “Eeyup. Best thing for ‘em.” Mac paused for a moment, watching them go, “After all this ruckus, just make sure to treat Miss Rainbow Dash right.” “You know it, Mac. You know it.” I stood watching them for a few more minutes, admiring Dash, then sighed, “Well, I have some very unpleasant business to attend to, sir.” I slapped him on the shoulder, “Wish me luck.” I was rewarded with an angry Mac, “What in tarnation did you hit me for?” “Oops. Heh, sorry. It’s a human thing. A slap to the back of the shoulder is a sign of camaraderie. I keep forgetting ponies don’t go for violence as easily as humans do. I didn’t even think how that would be interpreted.” Mac gave me a sideways glare, and then his expression softened into a genuine smile, “Here’s how a pony does it.” He then shoulder-checked me hard enough to knock me to the ground. I laughed, both in relief that Mac was not offended and for the silliness of his response. “Mac, does this mean you like me.” His smile extended to an actual grin and he extended a hoof to help me up. “Nope, but I guess it means I can tolerate ya.” I snorted, “I’ll take that. I’m headed to town. Want to come with me?” “Nope, too much work on the farm, but I’ll walk with you as far as the gate.” “Sounds good.” We walked in silence, Mac going a little slower to accommodate me. After a few minutes, “Ya know Mac, I’ve said it before, but this world,” I pursed my lips, shook my head, and looked at the perfect sky, “you have no idea how lucky you are. The people here are so, so good and forgiving. Heh, I really realize now how much, how badly, I overreacted to Coins by your standards. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s something to be ashamed of.” The wheat stock went from left to right, “So, what did you do that was so bad?” I couldn’t make myself look at Mac, I just found a very fascinating spot on the ground, “I broke into his house, slapped a garrote around his throat and threatened him for messing up the reception with that thrice-damned gift.” He snorted, “I would agree that’s a mite harsh, considering you managed to fix it before any harm was done.” Mac was silent for a few moments, “Is what you done normal for humans?” I didn’t answer right away, then chuckled, “No. I guess that wouldn’t be normal where I lived. I just, I just saw that ugly thing in this wondrous place and got so angry. Righteous indignation, Mac. The blood in my veins was filled with it. As far as I was concerned, I was on a holy mission. I was stopping evil. Being drunk didn’t help, but that’s no excuse. And, damn it, what if I had been wrong?” I enjoyed the beauty of the countryside and the beautiful rows of apple trees. “Well, Mac, thanks for listening to me ramble. I guess I’m off to make things right.” “Don’t worry none, you’ll be just fine. And if’n it means something, I think you did the right thing. Well, maybe not in fact, but in principle anyway.” “Thanks, Mac, that means a lot. You have a good day, okay?” Walking into town, I hum ‘This Is The Life’ by Weird Al to distract myself. I smile despite the feeling of a knife being twisted in my gut with each step closer to the humiliation I was about to experience. ‘I deserve this. I know it’s just. I’m the one who went too far, not him.’ Despite my inner turmoil, I was smiling when I reached the town. There were not many ponies, so I could easily hear the little maelstrom of youthful exuberance coming my way. I turned in time to see Scootaloo on her scooter, pulling Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle at breakneck speeds in their little red wagon. Seeing Scootaloo brought the bone-chilling details of the dream to the forefront of my mind. For a split second, I screamed in my mind at the imagery. Then, when I realized Scootaloo was whole and unharmed, full of life and joy. I almost cried. I couldn’t explain it, but it was as if I had just laid eyes on Lily. My heart burst with relief and joy at seeing that little pegasus filly. After a full second with who knows what expression on my face, “Hi girls, up to no good?” I smiled broadly at them. Seeing them made me so happy and relieved. They screeched to a halt and, with toothy smiles, said, “Yes, Alex,” all except for Apple Bloom. She just looked at me with all the hostility a little filly could muster. ‘Uh oh.’ With concern in my voice, “What’s wrong, Apple Bloom?” She jumped out of the little wagon, ran up to me, and bucked me hard, knocking me to the ground. “That’s for making my sister cry, ya big meanie.” The other two looked at me and Apple Bloom in shock. Scootaloo was the first to defend me, “Why did you do such a mean thing, Apple Bloom? Alex would never do something like that. He’s really nice! Rainbow Dash is always saying nice things about him when she gives me her special lessons.” “And Rarity still calls him a gallant knight, whatever that is. She gets all googly-eyed when she does, so I know it’s a good thing.” Despite the pain in my leg, I pulled myself to a kneeling position with a grunt. “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. She has, or had, a good reason to be mad at me, but it’s kind of private. Could you girls go ahead to Sugar Cube Corners and tell Pinkie Pie or Mrs Cake I’ll be along too in a few minutes? Order up whatever you want. It’s on me. I want to talk with Apple Bloom.” Sweetie Belle looked sceptical, and Scootaloo seemed upset, but they did what I asked. I sat on the curb and rubbed my leg. Once they were out of earshot, “Apple Bloom, I’m sorry I upset your sister. We had a,” I groped around for the right word, “miscommunication. Do you know what that word means?” she nodded, “Of course you do. You’re a smart filly. Well, your sister thought she was in love with me, and I was in love with her, in a marefriend and coltfriend kind of way.” “You mean like a special somepony?” “Yes, exactly. The problem is, I don’t like her as a special somepony. I liked her more like a sister.” I smiled and shrugged, “My heart was somewhere else. It was with Miss Rainbow Dash.” “So you led my sister on and stole my brother’s mare?” I could see she was even more upset. “No, no, no.” I had never realized how perceptive she was. “It was more like Applejack thought she liked me like a special somepony, but she was just a little confused. You see, I can’t tell a pretty pony from an average pony.” Apple Bloom looked at me incredulously, “I really can’t. I’ve been told Applejack is really, really pretty, and she was so happy that someone liked her for her, not because she’s pretty. She got a little confused. But we have that all worked out now. Now, I want you to know that I care for your sister very much as a friend, even as a sister, but not in that special way. And I would like to think of you as my little sister, too, if you’ll let me.” Apple Bloom looked at me, unsure. “I suppose that’s alright.” Her eyes narrowed, “But what about Big Macintosh?” “Well, Mac had a chance to ask Miss Rainbow Dash out, but it never worked out. In fact, I even tried to set them up once. Mac told me he was alright with me and Miss Rainbow Dash. Anyway, do you honestly think Rainbow Dash would let herself be traded around like a ball?” Apple Bloom smirked and shook her head. “So, Miss Rainbow Dash and I like each other very much, and Mac and Applejack are happy for us. We like them very much, too, as friends.” I sighed, “Grown-up relationships get crazy sometimes.” I patted her on the head, “You know what? Nobody needs to know what happened here. I don’t want you getting in trouble for protecting your family.” Apple Bloom looked gratefully at me, “I appreciate that. Applejack’s always telling me I jump to conclusions.” While I limped, she skipped to Sugar Cube Corners, and our little disagreement was forgotten. Apple Bloom burst in, “Everything’s alright! Alex is my new big brother.” This drew confused looks from the girls and other patrons. I chuckled and limped to the counter to a confused Mrs Cake. Before I could say anything, Pinkie Pie said, “I’ll handle this. Why don’t you take a break.” She turned her uniquely intense joyful smile on me and, in a stage whisper, said, “She’ll make a super-duper-daughter, you know. I think you’ll be an okay dad, too.” The confusion must have been clear, “Scootaloo, you silly willy. Oh, and you owe ten bits.” Still a little confused, I paid her the bits. “And here’s your coffee.” I thanked Pinkie for the coffee and thought, ‘Being a dad again after so long would be nice.’ I watched them from the counter, a small smile plastered on my face. The girls were whispering hurriedly between themselves, and I could catch Apple Bloom explaining what had happened. I saw the sad little expression on Scootaloo’s face, and it bit into my heart. I joined them at the table and sat beside Scootaloo, much to her excitement. “So Miss Scootaloo, what cutie mark crusade are the Crusaders crusading for today?” “We’re trying our zip-lining cutie marks again, this time with extra pulleys. I hope we don’t get as covered in sap and pine needles as we did last time.” Apple Bloom answered in the annoyed tone of a child who has already been caught in the past, “Ya, Applejack was sure sore at me the last time. Ah forgot to scrub my backside enough and my sheets were covered in them. Applejack made me do extra chores for that.” “I know what you mean,” Sweetie Belle added, “Rarity almost fainted when she saw my mane. She really didn’t like it.” “Well, you ladies don’t worry about me telling on you. I think what you’re doing is really cool. Oh, Scootaloo, before I forget, when is the next training session with Dash?” She answered gleefully, “Today at seven, right after supper.” “Why don’t you come around at five or so? You can have supper with me and Dash. That is if you want, and Miss Sweetheart is alright with it.” “Oh, thank you! That would be super cool!” “Awesome, but don't forget to tell Miss Sweetheart. Now, I have some boring grown-up stuff to deal with. You ladies have fun today, and I’ll see you tonight, Scootaloo.” I patted her on the head and headed out, but not before waving bye to Pinkie and keeping a smile on my face I didn’t feel. As I approached the Golden Coins mansion, I knew I had to stop my cowardly procrastination. I resolved to deflect any such distractions. After all, I was on a mission imparted to me by a goddess. ‘Alex, you wronged him, and this is part of your redemption, and if I’m lucky, the beginning of his.’ As I approached the mansion, I noticed a thin plume of smoke rising from the backyard. I had to admit it was a nice building, painted a bright white with golden columns and trim shouldering the main double door. ‘If I didn’t know better, I would say that’s real gold leaf.’ Despite myself, I was impressed. I stood at the door, raised my fist, and hesitated. For the longest moment, I couldn’t make myself knock. The thought of crawling to Coins to apologize was simply repugnant. The door was suddenly opened by an earth pony I recognized, the one who brought drinks during the ambush. She obviously recognized me and sneered, “Your kind is not welcome here. Get off Mr Golden Coins' property before I have the Royal Guard called in.” I was taken aback by her very obvious disgust with me. That smooth, grating voice called from inside, “Miss Butterscotch, it’s alright. He has been invited by Princess Luna herself, and we have been commanded to speak to each other. Please, Mr Roberts, come in.” I was surprised he didn’t use my full name like every other pony and it must have shown. He gave me that superior smile, a smirk really, “Surprised I know your proper mode of address? My investigators were very thorough.” On the way, just outside the office, I saw he had large, exquisitely crafted paintings of Celestia and Luna. He paused and gave each painting a reverent little bow and the blessing under his breath, “Blessed is Celestia. Blessed is Luna. Blessed is thy kingdom in Canterlot”. When I just looked on in mute curiosity, he gave me an unpleasant look. He led me in, and I saw the expensive rug was gone. He must have noticed I was looking. “Yes, the cleaning crew were very effective but unable to save the rug. I refused to have it sullied by magic. Much better to burn it.” He sat on a cushion behind his desk, made a show of getting comfortable, and then simply sat there and smiled at me. He finally broke the silence in a much too pleasant tone, “I believe you have something to say.” There was no delaying or avoiding this. “Mr Golden Coins, it would seem I owe you an apology. Breaking into your home and threatening you with violence was wrong.” He waved his hoof expansively, “There, was that so bad?” “No, I guess not. I do feel bad for doing you wrong. I really do. Do you receive the nightmare from Luna la-” He interrupted me with an angry snarl, “You will refer to Her as Princess Luna, Princess Of The Night, or Her Holyness Princess Luna. If I am not good enough to refer to her in such a flippant manner, you most certainly are not.” I was surprised at the vehemence of his attack, ”Oh, of course, I forgot myself. I feel close to Her, so I forget sometimes. As I was asking, I assume you received Her dream?” He didn’t answer but just glared at me. “Tell you what, I cut, you choose. Let me tell you my dream, then, if you want, you can tell me yours. That way, we can both learn. Does that sound fair?” His expression was hard, “Go on then.” I told him the dream to the best of my ability. His expression became more and more disturbed as I went on. By the end, his face was a mask of fear and regret. When I was done, he lowered his head, looking at the large green desk blotter and mumbled, “Blessed Luna, I thank you for the guidance you have given me in love.” I knew this would hit him much harder than it did me, so I moved toward him, to comfort him. ‘He’s an ass, but god damn it, nobody deserves that kind of pain. Not even him.’ As I reached him, concern and compassion my only expressions, he looked at me in fear, ‘No, not fear, terror.’ He moved away, stumbling over himself, falling and sprawling on the ground. I backed away, “Sorry to frighten you. I just, I don’t know, I just want to help.” “That Discord damned dream, it was the same, word for word.” He picked himself up, and I helped him. “I may not like pegasi and unicorns Mr Roberts, but I assure you I do not wish them any harm.” “I understand.” He looked at me, not understanding. “I feel the same way about orcs. But, sometimes, hate can dehumanise if you’ll pardon the turn of phrase. And that can make you do terrible things. I know that far too well.” I couldn’t look at him for fear of breaking down. We sat in silence for a time. I sat on the edge of his desk, both of us lost in thought. I don’t know what was going on in his mind, but I was thinking about Ann, Lily, Dan, Dash, and Scootaloo. My eyes were downcast, "You know Coins, I envy you." His voice was incredulous, "You envy me? You have the ears of two blessed goddesses. Not one. Two. You have a powerful group of universally respected friends. You still have more wealth than most ponies could spend in a lifetime." His face was in mine, and I could smell salt on his breath. His voice grew louder, "What possible thing could you envy me? My wealth? My power? What?" I looked up, jealousy filling my heart, my eyes drilling into his soul, and bitterly spit out, "You can hug your daughter." "S-Silver Spoon? That's all?" I grew angry and stood, towering over him, "What do you mean, 'That's all'." I ground my palm into my forehead and continued quietly, "What else is there? I have not hugged my daughter in sixty years. Sixty. Years." I took a deep breath, "I would gladly give up everything to hug my Lily just once. You get to do it every day. Even if you were destitute tomorrow, Silver Spoon would know her dad loves her because he hugs her. Do you want wealth and power? They're all yours. Me, I'll take a family." Long ago memories, half-remembered and desperately clung to, filled my mind. I even thought of Scootaloo. I sat heavily on the edge of the desk, desperately trying to compose myself. The last thing I wanted was to start bawling like a baby in front of Coins. We sat in silence, contemplating our respective fates. Suddenly, Golden Coins said, "You know, Alex, I think I'll give Silver Spoon a good long hug when she gets home from school." He gave a mirthless chuckle, "I don't know if we can ever be friends, you and I, but now, I'm not sure we can be enemies." I looked up and wiped my eyes to see Coins with his hoof extended. I slowly reached out, and we shook, two men who had come to an understanding. I left with a genuine smile, this time repeating the little prayers at the paintings of Celestia and Luna. ‘I think I may half believe it. Who knows, I may one day be as much a follower as Coins.’ Miss Butterscotch still scowled at me on the way out, but I didn’t mind. I just smiled wider. There was an old weight on my heart, and I felt it lifting. ‘I think, for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel truly clean.’