The weather in Ponyville was odd today. Although it was almost always odd how it was sunny almost 320 days of the year. But today was special. It was raining slightly and that meant everyone was staying Inside. That included Azazel, Jack, and of course Ollie.
And that meant that nothing in the entire castle was safe.
"Get back here you piece of shit!" Jack shouted as he raced down one of the lavender corridors. In front of him was Ollie, clutching what looked to be a bar of soap. Jack himself had apparently abandoned his woolly coat and top hat and was in stead completely nude with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
"There's a reason you never drop the soap Jack!" Ollie shouted back, propelling himself into the air with a small gust of flame.
"As a previous convict I'm aware of that, but the reason was never because some armoured fuck would come and snatch it when you weren't looking!" Jack said, speeding up as they came closer and closer to a corner.
Ollie leapt around the corner and waited. When he heard Jack get closer he placed the soap just where he hoped Jack would run. Sure enough, as soon as Jack turned the corner he stepped on the small bar of soap and started gliding across the floor, like some professional skier with a gimped leg.
Ollie watched this, amused by his genius, Jack's suffering, and the hilarity of what he was watching. But soon the fun came to an end when Jack collided with a door, and went tumbling down the stairs.
Ollie ran towards the now broken door, cursing as he thought of how he would explain this to Twilight. He pushed the broken remains of the door away and looked down the stairs. At one of the walls, lying in a myriad of broken crates was Jack.
"Hey, dipshit, you aight?" Ollie yelled. Jack didn't move or answer, so Ollie moved closer to him, groaning all the while. When he got there he lightly slapped Jack in the face to try and wake him up, when that didn't help he put his finger on the others neck, and felt no pulse.
"Well then." Ollie said. "Hope you enjoy your ride back you son of a bitch." He said, pushing Jack's corpse so hard It fell away from the crates, revealing something.
Ollie saw a small gleam of something metal like, and started peeling away the broken wood. What was soon unearthed was a rather weird looking tool, but it did bear resemblance to those things the dwarves back home had called 'guns.'
Ollie picked it up, it felt sort of heavy. Which was unusual for him, since his strength had gotten augmented by dark powers he'd been able to lift trees with ease, but this thing was actually kind of heavy.
"Property of Doomguy?" Ollie said to himself, reading out a label on the side of the gun. "Who calls themselves Doom?" He said, shaking his head.
He finally located a small slender piece of metal. But when he tried to flick it it wouldn't move. He looked everywhere on the gun until he found a small switch with the words 'Safety, on and off' written above it. He flicked the switch to off and heard the thing buzzing violently.
He went back up the stairs, and made a choice of kicking Jack's body before continuing up. When he got up he looked everywhere he could for a balcony. He found one that looked out over the outskirts of Ponyville, and he pointed the gun straight towards the mayors house.
He pressed the trigger, and felt a shock go through his body as some sort of projectile went flying towards the house. A few moments later there was a mighty explosion that shook the walls of the castle violently. When the smoke had lifted and the dust settled, Ollie got back onto his feet, and saw that not only was the mayors house gone, but a large chunk of Ponyville.
He looked down at the gun and smiled. "Where have you been all my life?"
It wasn't long until Twilight came running by looking for Ollie along with all her friends. The princess of friendship had by now learned that when anything went wrong it was either Ollie or Discord, and Discord wasn't in Ponyville at the time, so there was really only one left.
She opened up the door to Ollie's room.. Well it was more like Ollie's, Jacks, and Azazels room, but right now Jack wasn't present on account of being dead.
Ollie himself was sitting down toying with the gun. Twilight burst into the room along with her friends and a few guards. "Ollie, what in the actual name of Tartarus did you do?" She asked, steaming with anger.
"Oh, hey there twilight." Ollie said casually, looking up from the gun for a short while. "Well, I blew up a good chunk of the town."
Twilight stuttered for a few seconds before she nodded furiously. "Yes, yes you did, and I want to know two things. One, how did you do it? Two, would you prefer to be flogged or thrown off the castle walls?"
Ollie shook his head. "Neither really, you wouldn't believe what this thing can do." He said, almost ignoring twilight in favour of admiring the gun. "It's got adjustable firing, destruction levels, jump mode, all kinds of things."
Twilight shook her head before her mind picked up on two words from that sentence. "Jump mode?"
"Yup." Ollie said as he pointed the gun at the ceiling. In stead of a rocket, now it fired a small concentrated beam that seemed to cut cleanly through the stone. Soon a perfectly round piece of the ceiling fell down and smashed into pieces on the floor, and Ollie flicked yet another switch on the on the gun.
"Lemme show you." He said, running towards them. As soon as he was under the hole in the ceiling he jumped and fired at his feet. A small explosion caused him to go flying into the sky, soon not even Rainbow with her trained eyes could see him.
"There are certain things in this world that scares me to no end." Twilight whispered to herself. "But Ollie having that thing is going to be added to my list."