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// Entry Two: The Outside - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase 
// Story: Diary One Hundred and Thirty Eight 
// by Sapidus3 
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Entry Two: Going Outside - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase


I wish I had started this diary back when I had first gone outside. It would have been wonderful to capture my thoughts when they were fresh.

The outside is… Simply fantastic. There is no other way to describe it.

My reference memories are filled with the outside. Twilight and Princess Celestia would spend so much time in the gardens beneath the sun. But as I wrote last time, actually experiencing things is completely different.

The sun was… I don’t know if there are proper words for it. My body and being is made of hard light, projected from runes. But until I had gone outside with Twilight, the only other light I had interacted with was from spells Twilight had cast or the glow orbs she would bring with while working on expanding my mind.

But the sun was different. The way the light cascades through my matrix. It makes me all tingly and warm inside. I don’t think it’s supposed to happen. I’ve thought about telling Twilight about it, but it doesn’t seem to be doing any harm.

Twilight’s sun really is lovely.

When I am walking with Twilight on the outside we frequently walk past all sorts of beautiful things. I think the flowers are especially pretty. I know that SHE enjoyed the gardens, however I feel that I am missing much of the experience. I have no sense of smell.

If I asked my student… I think she would indulge me and do what she could to expand my senses. However, in the grand scheme of things it is completely frivolous. It would do nothing to help me aid my student or Equestria. I do not wish to burden my student with such a request. 

Yet, I can not help but wish I could smell the flowers as we walk past.

I cannot help but wonder what Twilight smells like. Does her sun have a smell?

For reasons, that I am afraid I cannot fully comprehend yet, my student does not want other ponies to know my true nature. There is a strange aspect of my time outside of my mind. My student insisted that the projection I use beyond my cave be a modified one. I take on the appearance of a white unicorn with a pink mane and a golden circle for a cutie mark. I think it might be somewhat what Princess Celestia would have looked like had she been a mortal pony. Perhaps if my student’s theories on alicorn ascension is correct, I look somewhat like a younger Princess Celestia.

Ultimately there is no way to know.

While in public Twilight insists that I refrain from referring to her as my student, but instead call her princess. I myself, must go by the name of Celly.

It is all very strange. I can hardly understand my own identity and yet I must take on another. 

I have decided to treat it as a game. Foals play make believe from what my reference memories tell me, and in many ways, I am still just a foal. Perhaps playing the part of Celly will better help me understand who I am, for as much as I want to be Celestia, I know that I am not her. Celestia is dead and I am but a pale imitation.

I wonder if I can ever be more than a shadow.

I’ve met so many ponies since my most faithful student created my projection runes. That first day following Twilight around was an enlightening experience. My world before that had been my cave, my most faithful student, and my reference memories. I knew that the real Celestia cared for ponies everywhere, but I could not understand that until I my world expanded. 

Meeting other ponies, talking with Twilight’s friends, debating with the Magesterium. It is all so wonderful.

It also made the solution to my problems so abundantly clear.

I- I mean Princess Celestia sent my- her student to Ponyville to learn of friendship. Her studies were interrupted by the tragedy of the real Princess Celestia’s death, and I fear she may be forgetting the lessons she learned.

As thankful as I am to exist, a gift that I will never be able to repay, I feel… I know, that it was a mistake for Twilight to make me. I am… I am me, but I am… I am not a real pony. I do not know if I ever can be. Twilight takes her comfort in me when she should be with her friends. Perhaps I can be that for her, but I am so deficient.

The power of friendship can save my student from her despair. If she is unable to fully open herself up to other ponies, I will simply need to become something that can experience friendship so that I may share it with my student.