"We have decided."
The announcement echoed all around the throne room like the clarion song of a bell. Artex, Razor, and Oriana rose to their feet and hooves waiting for the Alicorns to speak. Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight turned and stood in a line as Shining Armor pulled himself from the entryway door where he had been chatting with the Guards.
"We have decided that it is in the best interest of the child for the adoption to be open to any and all families who express an interest. The announcement will include the fact that it is a Human child who needs to be adopted. The adoptive family will provide the names of the family doctor and two nurses as well as a pediatrician. The family or herd and medical professionals will be taken to New Humansville and learn and absorb every aspect of Humans that they can until the baby is born. Once the baby is born the family and medical staff will spend the first six months of the baby's life in New Humansville, after which point they will be free to return to where they lived previously. The medical Ponies will study directly under the people that doctor Bobby Jewel chooses to act as instructors. The announcement will be made today and one week from today all interested parties will be interviewed and one family shall be selected to be the adoptive family. The interviewers and organizers are to be neutral parties and have the baby's very best interest at heart, as such we have decided that since this is a matter of Human best interest, the Human Emissarial Staff shall conduct the interviews and organize the chosen family."
"Wut." Artex said eloquently.
Celestia nodded toward he and Razor,
"Your points of view are out of concern for the well-being of the baby and society both. We could not think of anybody better to do this besides, it's not as if you're so busy you cannot spare the time. You may decline if you wish of course, but we wanted you to be the ones to do this. Should you decline you may chose others to take up the responsibility or we can do so."
Artex quickly jumped in,
"No, no! I'll do it! I wouldn't want anybody else to do it. These are my people and I accepted this responsibility to do what is in their best interest. I'm not going to shirk this just because it's mildly inconvenient. I cannot answer for Razor Wit or Oriana though." he turned toward the two mares expectantly.
Razor was first to speak,
"I'll do it."
Oriana followed her quickly,
"It would be an honor to shoulder such a responsibility for another."
The four Alicorns smiled at each other,
"Thank you." they spoke in unison and bowed their heads.
* * *
(One week later)
A Pony, a Zebra, and a Human stood looking up at the Herd And Family Service Center in Canterlot and the line of Pony herds and families waiting to be interviewed. There were foals all around in the line, most of them looking distinctly bored. Three families drew Artex' eye though. All three herds were sat down on the ground reading or listening to a reading of some foal's book. The Human took it as a positive sign. Artex counted what he guessed to be at least fifteen families. The H.F.S.C. was a surprisingly small building. Made of white stone, standing only two stories tall and roughly ten Fathoms wide by ten Fathoms long. An informative letter from the Princesses had stated that it was staffed by nine Ponies who worked in eight hour shifts, three per shift, ensuring the facility was always open. The staff consisted of one Pony of each tribe working every shift so as to help facilitate smooth communication and broad perspective for every case which had to be dealt with, rare as they were.
The previous week had passed quickly and without any particularly note worthy events. The Emissary staff had received word that the H.F.S.C. was prepared for them to arrive and host the interviews. Artex, Razor, and Oriana had been flown into Canterlot by sky carriage and had walked from the grounds of the Royal Palace to the H.F.S.C. building. In their saddlebags each of them carried a sheaf of paper and a series of pencils plus a single quill and bottle of ink. The line of Ponies in front of the building waited patiently as the Emissary staff walked in through the front door and closed it behind them.
Artex looked around the warmly decorated reception area. The walls were decorated with whimsical pictures of fields and meadows with running, playing foals all around. There was a section to the side for foals to play with an abundance of toys in a massive toy-box. The cushions and chairs were plush and vibrant in color and flowering plants sprouted out of planters placed all around the area.
A door closed toward the rear of the building and a voice called up to the front,
"If you're here for the interview I'm afraid that hasn't started yet..." the brilliant yellow Earth Pony mare with muted orange mane and tail trailed off she she spotted the Emissary staff, "You're here!" she squealed joyfully, "We've been setting up one of the rooms to conduct the interviews. We have three desks set up, one for each of you, and a series of cushions and toys for those families who brought their foals. We have already ordered a catering staff to come in for lunch and dinner. If you missed breakfast we have danishes, coffee, fresh fruit, and juices in the employee lounge. My name is Morning Glory and if you have any questions feel free to ask."
The three interviewers exchanged smiles then Artex spoke up,
"Only question I have is: where is the room?"
Morning Glory smiled and turned toward the back,
"Follow me please."
* * *
The interviewing room was the third door on the left within the building. Morning Glory opened it up and waved her hoof, motioning toward the three desks sitting in the rear of the room. There were plush cushions for the families and herds to sit and or lay upon. There were no chairs or couches and the Emissary staff easily recognized the reasoning: to see how the families interacted. Obviously they would act differently when alone than they would for the interview, but the foals reactions and interactions would be what they would see more so than those of the adults. The three set up their places at each desk after Morning Glory left. Artex chose the center desk and Razor and Oriana had the ones on either side of him. They set out their paper, pencils, ink vials, and quills and took a collective breath.
"Are we ready to do this?" Artex asked.
Razor smiled,
"Certainly am."
Oriana nodded,
"Let us begin."
"I'll bring in the first interviewees." he rose from his desk and exited the room.
He casually walked through the main reception area and opened the front door. The line of Ponies all looked up simultaneously and expectantly. Artex looked down at the first Pony in line. She was a middle aged, creamy colored Pegasus mare with her light brown mane pulled up into a tight bun.
"You are the first one in line ma'am. Do you have your herd or family with you?" Artex asked.
The mare shook her head,
"No, I'm actually here on behalf of my employer. She should be here soon."
Artex frowned deeply,
"Hopefully with her entire herd and family?" be hinted.
The mare shook her head,
"No, she isn't married."
Artex crinkled his chin,
"Thank you for your time, but this adoption is only for families and/or herds." he looked up to the next Pony, "Next please."
"Wait!" a feminine voice yelled from across the street.
Artex followed the source of the voice to a white Unicorn mare wearing a fancy, frilly hat,
"May I help you?" he asked, expression neutral.
"So sorry, breakfast ran a little behind you see, but I'm here now." she said airily.
Artex' face remained impassive,
"And?"
The mare suddenly went still and slowly looked up,
"And I'm here to be interviewed to adopt the Human foal."
"Then you should bring your entire family and wait in line like everypony else ma'am." Artex responded evenly.
"Oh I'm not married, and my servant has been holding my place in the front of this line since yesterday afternoon." the mare replied.
Artex shook his head and loudly said,
"Next."
"EXCUSE ME!" the fancy mare exclaimed loudly, "Ahem, excuse me. You're obviously having some difficulty understanding what I'm saying. Do I need to speak with somePONY who can understand me?"
Artex face transformed into a beaming smile,
"Oh I understand you perfectly well ma'am. I understand that even though the announcement and fliers all explicitly stated that only families or herds would be considered, you sent your employee out here to stand in line for you. Just you, not a family or herd, you. You couldn't be bothered to stand in line yourself and also could not be bothered to show up on time and wait patiently like all these other families have done. If you cannot understand and follow simple instructions for the interview of the adoption process, how then could you possible follow the very specialized instructions needed in order to successfully raise a healthy Human child?"
The fancy mare waved her left forehoof,
"My servant is most capable."
"You do not quality ma'am. Please leave the line." Artex stated bluntly.
The fancy mare huffed indignantly,
"Well I never! Do you have any idea who I am!?"
"Absolutely." Artex assured her, "You are somepony who is not currently qualified to adopt a child and is wasting everypony's time with self-important declarations that I would be hard pressed to care less about. Have a good day and get out of the way."
The mare narrowed her eyes and lit up her horn in an orange aura. Artex saw the door next to him light up with the same aura.
Artex tightened his jaw,
"Ma'am let go of the door."
"No, I'm going to be interviewed. Get out of my way." she spat.
"You are not coming in ma'am. If you do not release the door I am going to grab it. I have natural magic on my hands which cancels out magic and if I touch the door it's going to give you a painful backlash. I say again, please leave, you are holding up the line." Artex said plainly.
"I'm going in." the mare stated and the door began to open.
Artex grabbed the door and the mare's aura evaporated from both the door and her horn. The mare howled in pain and sank down onto her haunches on the road rubbing her horn and whimpering.
Artex sighed,
"I warned you ma'am and I'm sorry it had to come to this, but you were not listening." he turned back to the line, "First family please."
"You attacked me!" the mare shrieked, "I'm calling the Guard!"
Artex watched the mare dash off, her employee following behind her, and rolled his eyes then addressed the family of Ponies in front of him,
"Come on in everypony. Follow me please." he finished pleasantly.
He led the herd of five mares, one stallion, and four foals in through the door and closed it behind them. He watched closely as the mares and stallion all took part in herding their foals inside. The foals were well behaved and fairly quiet. The stallion was a Pegasus and the mares were one Unicorn, one Pegasus, and three Earth Ponies. The foals were two Pegasi and two Earth Ponies, all fillies. The adults in the herd all wore saddlebags which were filled fairly heavily with possessions. The fillies also had saddlebags though filled with less than the adults.
Artex led the way to the interview room and held the door for them. Again all adult members of the herd too part in ensuring the foals were inside. Artex noticed that the foals all listened to the stallion just as much as they did the mares, indicating that he regularly engaged with them on positive terms. Once he closed the door he moved to sit behind his desk as the herd began to settle in. Artex watch as the fillies each removed their saddlebags and set in a neat row against the far left wall while the adults were doing the same.
"Ooh! Can we play with the toys Daddy?" one filly asked.
The stallion placed his saddlebags against the wall next to those of the fillies,
"We need to see if any of you need to be interviewed first." he said calmly.
While the mares removed their own saddlebags the stallion turned toward the three desks and the individuals behind them,
"Will you need to speak with the fillies?" he asked.
Razor answered first,
"Perhaps later on. For the moment we just want to talk to you and your wives first."
The stallion nodded and settled himself down on a cushion in the center of the others on the floor before turning back to the filly,
"You can play girls, but they might want to talk to you later on so keep your ears open in case we call for you."
The fillies squealed in delight and bounded toward the toy box. They began rummaging through the books and toys and dolls while the mares settled down around the stallion in a half circle. Razor, Artex, and Oriana all placed sheets of paper in front of them. They had gone over small drills of who was going to be asking which questions and keeping track of answers for each family or herd. They had all agreed that since Artex was the only Human he should be the one to ask Human oriented questions. Oriana was to ask about the openness of each family to the kinds of changes they would need to adapt to and Razor would inquire about and observe the family and herd dynamic displayed by each one.
Artex being the Emissary, began the process,
"Good morning everypony. As I'm sure you're all aware, this interview is to determine which family is going to be chosen to adopt the Human baby. As you saw outside, there are quite a few families also here for the interview. Only one family will he chosen. We determine compatibility by asking questions about you. Our goal is to determine which family unit is best suited to provide a healthy environment for the baby. If you are not selected it is not because we dislike you, but because there was a family that was more suited to provide for the very specialized need of the baby. Not being selected does not constitute any sort of personal failure on your part. We will begin with a series of questions and after we finish you all will be invited to ask any questions you have as well. In a case such as this there are no silly questions. As you all witnessed out front, we take this very seriously and ask that everypony do likewise. First of all, we need each of your names starting with the first couple, the Ponies who began the herd, then the names of the other wives and the names of the foals last."
The following hour was spent asking about the herd's financial situation as well as the availability and capability of each family member to care for an infant. The Ponies were surprised to hear about how much work it took to care for an infant, but they never showed any signs of uncertainty nor any inclination of backing out. After the first family more followed. Eighteen herds all together were interviewed for adoption and the vast majority were possible candidates. As the day slowed down and line of herds dwindled the Emissary staff realized they would have a difficult time deciding which family would be the best choice for the baby.
As the last family departed, Artex rose once more to double check and see if there were any more families. There had been none the last time he checked, but he was determined to make absolutely certain that no candidates were overlooked. He opened the door for the last family as they left and bade them a good evening. Night had fallen and the lamps were lit. As the herd vanished around the corner of the block Artex looked around but spotted nopony else.
Nodding his head in satisfaction, he began to close the door when the sound of rapidly clopping hooves met his ears,
"Wait!" a mare's voice called out from the shadows, "Please wait!"
Artex furrowed his brow and turned toward the voice. A tall, thin, eggshell colored Unicorn mare with long flowing very light pink mane and tail came into view. She was panting and out of breath, obviously having galloped for some distance. She was followed closely by an even taller, well-built white Unicorn stallion with a cobalt blue mane and tail. As the stallion stepped into the light Artex noticed a thin, cobalt mustache on his lips and a monocle swaying wildly from a black suite jacket. The pair carried saddlebags which were stuffed to the brim, almost overflowing with papers.
Artex mentally sighed at the sight of the two, 'Oh joy, more rich Ponies who can't be bothered to show up on time.' he mentally prepared for the typical self-assured demeanor he expected them to demonstrate.
"Are... *pant* are we too late?" the mare asked hopefully.
"Yes." Artex all but spat, "The interviews are done for the day. Good evening." the mare's haed drooped deeply and he swore he heard a small sniffle.
Ignoring the potential drama, Artex began to close the door, but a quiet voice stopped him.
"It's alright dear, we'll just have to try again next time. At least we'll already have everything in order."
For some reason he couldn't explain, Artex felt like he should talk to them, 'They did obviously run for a fair distance. Meh, it can't hurt to offer them a drink or something. We've got plenty left from dinner.'
He opened the door and stuck his head around the corner,
"The interviews are closed, but... you two look tired. Come on in and rest for a few minutes."
The mare raised her head half way and nodded. Artex saw small tears at the corners of her eyes. The stallion's horn lit up and a white handkerchief floated out of his left breast pocket.
He wiped the mare's eyes then turned toward Artex with a bow,
"Thank you sir. We do appreciate it."
Artex had to fight not to quirk an eyebrow, 'Huh, common courtesy and manners from a rich, fancy sort. Who knew.' Artex had a very poor opinion of the rich, nevertheless he held the door for them and closed it as soon as they were inside.
"Come on," he motioned briskly, "We've got some drinks left from dinner if you're thirsty. They should still be cold."
"Very kind of you." the stallion said between breaths.
Artex said nothing in return as he led them into the employee lounge where dinner had been catered,
"Settle down here for a few. Help yourselves to whatever you want. I'm going to go let the others know that the day is over."
He closed the door behind him and turned to find Morning Glory standing in front of him,
"Are there no more family herds?" she asked.
Artex nodded,
"Yeah, there were two rich Ponies who showed up at the last second but I told them the interviews were over. They had ran some distance so I invited them in to get something to drink in the lounge here. Is that alright?"
Morning Glory nodded,
"It's fine. I was just wrapping up for the night. The next shift should be in soon. I was supposed to go around four in the afternoon, but I wanted to stay to help make sure everything went smoothly for you. If you three are finished, then I'll go."
Artex smiled at the helpful mare,
"You've been wonderful Morning Glory. Thank you."
The mare smiled and blushed,
"I just wanted to do my part. Well, tell Razor Wit and Oriana goodnight for me."
"I will." Artex turned and stepped over to the interview room as Morning Glory left for the night.
He opened the door and saw Razor and Oriana organizing the papers on their desks,
"There was a pair of rich Unicorns who couldn't be bothered to show up on time. I told them the interviews were over but they looked like they had run for a couple dozen blocks so I felt sorry for them and offered them something to drink in the lounge." he clapped bis hands together, "We are done for the night. Let's pack up and head back."
Razor looked tired out, but Oriana stopped what she was doing and looked up at Artex,
"I know you don't like rich Ponies, but... you said that normal Human families have only one husband and wife, correct? Maybe... maybe we should interview them. At least we'll have a good, wide range of possibilities to chose from."
Artex was tired, but he could admit that Oriana might have had a good point,
"Oh alright. Let me bring them in." he sighed.
Artex sighed again as he gripped the door lever and prepared to push when he heard the couple talking from within. Curious, he cracked the door open and listened.
"It cannot be helped Fleur, we were just too late. We can't expect them to bend the rules for us." the stallion said.
The mare's voice sounded like she had been crying when she answered,
"I know Fancy, and I wouldn't want them to, but maybe just this once..." she trailed off quietly.
Artex peeked his head inside and watched as the stallion reached up and patted the mare on her back, they were facing away from the door,
"We have to accept it dear, it's their decision. Like I said, next time we'll be first in line. We'll stand out there for a whole day if we need to."
Artex silently closed the door then opened it in a barging-like manner,
"Turns out we have just enough time for one last interview." he said briskly, "Come on."
The couple needed no second bidding. They followed Artex almost on his heels. He opened the door to the interview room and closed it behind them then took his place behind the desk.
"Names please." Artex began bluntly.
The mare answered,
"Fleur-de-lis and Fancy Pants."
Artex stopped writing and looked up,
"Your Mother named you Fancy Pants?" he asked, trying not to laugh.
The stallion straightened up and looked at Artex evenly,
"She did."
Artex chuckled,
"You have my sympathy."
Fancy shrugged,
"Thank you, I think."
Razor decided to take the lead,
"I can't help but to notice there are only two of you. What makes you think you will be able to care for a newborn and give it the attention it needs?"
Fleur-de-lis answered quickly,
"Because I will keep the baby on me at all times if I need to."
Artex noticed something quickly,
"You said 'baby' not 'foal'. You make a distinction there?"
Fancy Pants answered,
"We do. A foal is a Pony, but we are referring to a Human infant, not a foal. Just as there are obvious differences between adults of the two species, we likewise assumed there were significant differences in regard to the younger ones as well."
"Are you able to do what is necessary? Human babies are very time intensive and they have very specialized needs. They cannot be left alone even for a matter of minutes. Both of you need to be able and ready to dedicate your time to caring for this baby day and night. Are you going to be able to do that?" Oriana asked.
Fancy Pants' horn lit up and out of his saddlebags floated a sheaf of paper,
"We can and we can prove it." he set the papers down on Artex' desk, "There are legal documents stating that I have turned my company over to my second in command today. It took a week to finalize the paperwork, but this states that we will be financially capable of caring for up to seven foals and hopefully that will be enough for one Human baby. Also, since the company is now run by somepony else, I have the free time to be a full-time father. Fleur-de-lis and I do attend a number of social gatherings, however we grow tired of the endless posturing and social jockeying everypony else is so insistent about. We are happy with each other and we wish to expand our family."
Fleur-de-lis spoke next,
"In my spare time, I've volunteered at Canterlot General. I'm familiar with how to care for foals and while I realize that a Human baby will undoubtedly be a different matter, poo is a universal fact of every newborn. It is one that I have been well-acquainted with several dozen times per day for quite a number of years. I have also worked with sick foals carrying almost every possible type of adolescent illness you can imagine. I am not a squeamish mare. I have have to wash out of my coat: vomit, urine, feces of various consistency, blood, mucus, and a great many combinations of the formers."
"We have been contemplating adopting for a long time and I will admit that we did procrastinate in setting our affairs in order, but the moment we heard that an adoption was opening up, we found our motivation. This may seem like a spur of the moment decision, but I assure you it is not." Fancy Pants explained, "We will be able to fully dedicate all of our time to whatever needs the baby has and we invite any and all royal staff to drop my our estate any time they wish to verify our statement. We have something the other families did not have: two adults willing to focus exclusively on a child, our child."
"Speaking of which," Razor began, "Is there a reason the two of you do not have any foals of your own?"
Fancy Pants and Fleur-de-lis exchanged a sheepish look then turned back to the interviewers,
"That is a very personal matter, but I suppose it does bear relevance." Fleur-de-lis said quietly.
Fancy Pants cleared his throat,
"Our marriage is... unusual. We love one another a great deal but...," he took a deep breath before continuing, "We have never... erm that is to say we haven't... been intimate."
Three pairs of eyes bulged, transfixed on the couple as Fleur-de-lis finished the explanation,
"I am the only mare that Fancy ever loved and he is... too kind a soul to... take me without any Comforters. I have suggested that he... use ropes to... hold me but... he won't hear of it. We have tried but I cannot... hold still for him. The fear hits and... I can't. We do not have any friends that we trust enough to act as Comforters."
Razor had to peel her jaw up off the desk, Oriana hadn't blinked for more than a full minute, and Artex had his hand over his mouth in shock. Silence reigned in the room for several long minutes while the three interviewers digested the shocking revelation.
Artex was the first to recover,
"Well, that explains... quite a lot about your... dedication to each other. So tell me, what lengths are the two of you willing to go through to adopt this baby?"
"Anything." the couple said simultaneously.