"Well, this sure is exciting," Shield commented sarcastically, followed with a yawn. "My sister's out dealing with trouble-making dragons and what do I get? Guard duty."
An irritated moan sounded from his companion standing opposite him, bringing a hoof to his golden helmeted forehead. "Just once, Shield, can you NOT make references to things I have no clue about?", Spear groaned. The white unicorn dragged his hoof down his face as he shot the white earth pony a glowering look.
Shield raised his hooves up defensively. "Okay, okay. No more quotes from worlds outside of our own."
The two stallions slouched against the white stone walls that surrounded their home, the city of Canterlot. Shield pawed away at the dirt and grass beside him while Spear lightly banged the back of his helmet against the white brick of the wall. Both stallions had a look of boredom on their faces, and no wonder so. This was the second week in a row that the two friends had been assigned watch at the entrance gate into the city. A few ponies came and went, visiting or leaving, but all had little more to say besides a pleasant 'hello!' to them or asking for directions.
Shield quickly gave up pawing away at the earth and laid down on the ground looking up at the clouds in the sky, trying to find any that might look like an animal, or an item of food, or at the very least something penis-shaped. When he couldn't see a single shape in the clouds, he sighed, and began fidgeting with his armor and kicking his hooves in the air. A minute later, he sat up and stared ahead at nothing in particular. Spear was still banging the back of his helmet against the wall, developing a headache more and more with each rhythmic clang of metal against stone.
"A unicorn pony makes magic. Earth ponies are one with the land. Pegasus ponies have nice wings. But none of the three have got hands," Shield began to sing aloud swaying his head to the words. Spear ceased his self-inflicting migraine activity and turned his attention to his earth pony friend, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
"Shield, what the hell are you doing?", Spear asked shaking his head. Shield stopped singing and turned his head to look at Spear as he got up onto his feet.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm singing a classic," the earth stallion replied with a cheeky smile.
"Well don't do it, Shield. If any of the other guards come past the gates and hear you singing, they'll come and ask us what the Tartarus we're doing besides not doing our job. What are we going to tell them then?", Spear said waving a hoof to emphasize his point.
"Hey, I'm just trying to liven things up around here," Shield replied trotting over to Spear ad leaning against the wall beside him. "Usually at least somepony comes or goes through those gates and says either 'hi' or 'goodbye' to us. After you of course, that's the only bit of conversation I have while standing at the gate."
"Well, that's what we get paid to do. To guard the gate leading into one of the most secure places in all of Equestria after Celestia upped the patrols and Changeling detection magic protocols," Spear He brought a hoof to the back of his helmet, rubbing the spot he'd been head-banging. "And we guard the gate as such because you and I are the comical do-it-all duo that the higher ranking officers pile the crappy jobs onto." He got up onto his feet and leaned his body against the wall as well.
"Yeah. Captain Copper Hoof is a real jerk," said Shield with a frown. "You know he made me clean the toilets with a toothbrush nearly a month back, right?". Spear gave him a startled look, and Shield explained. "He lost a game of tic-tac-toe to a chicken, so he took his frustration out on me." Shield shuddered as though a ice cold chill had run down his spine. "I was in that room for five hours scrubbing the place from top to bottom. I saw things in those toilets that raises serious health-related questions as to what exactly Chef puts in our food that makes it all so 'special'..."
Spear gagged and turned his head away, waving a hoof dismissively at Shield. "Unnngh, I don't even want to imagine let alone know. I'm just glad I order my food from takeaways." He suddenly then froze. "Wait, 'tic-tac-toe' with a chicken?", Spear muttered.
Shield ignored him and sighed. "You know, the rest of the squad'll be doing something exciting while we're stuck out here. Last I heard from Sharp Edge and Arrow Bolt, they were called in to help with handling a hostage situation over at Donut Joe's."
Spear's ears perked up. "Donut Joe's Donuts? What's going on over there?", he wondered, concerned for the well-being of his favorite hangout in Canterlot.
Shield shrugged. "Meh, some pink pony with ADHD was holding it hostage after some disagreement over superior pastries or something along those lines. Whatever it was it must have been pretty serious. I remember seeing Sharp Edge taking tear gas grenades with him before we came here for our shift."
Spear whistled, impressed. "Dayum. If they need tear gas grenades, then the pink pony's gotta be Pin -"
"Hey, officers! Can I get some help please?"
Spear and Shield turned their heads towards the road that led to the city's gate, and saw a white-coated pegasus walking towards them. They were quite perplexed by the way he walked, since most ponies would normally walk on all fours rather than just their hindlegs. And they were more confused by the fact that his hindlegs bent the wrong way as well. He had a blue marking on his chest, as well as on the tips of his wings.
The stallion approached the two guards with a cheery smile on his face. "Excuse me, officers? Can I pick your brains for a second?", he asked them politely.
Spear and Shield looked at each other before looking back at him. "Er, yeah sure. What's the matter, civilian?", Spear asked. Shield was looking the stallion up and down, sizing him up and checking him for anything suspicious. Besides the obvious anatomy anomaly.
"Do you guys know where the 'Baker's Baker's Dozen' bakery is here in Canterlot?", the stallion questioned them.
Spear turned around as he answered the pegasus. "Oh yeah, sure. What you wanna do, is take a right once you go through the gate. Keep going along the road until you come to the third intersections, and go another right, and you'll find yourself on..."
"Hey! He's not casting a shadow!"
Spear spun around and looked at Shield in surprise at his sudden outburst. "What was that?"
"He's not casting a shadow, Spear!", Shield repeated pointing a hoof at the pegasus.
Spear looked down at his feet, and sure enough the stallion had no shadow beneath him at all. Spear shrugged his shoulders. "Big deal, Shield. So he's got no shadow?". Spear turned his head to look behind himself. "I mean we're probably not even casting sha..."
Spear trailed off into silence when he noticed his black silhouette on the ground. He glanced behind Shield, and sure enough his friend was casting a shadow too. Spear looked up to the sky, and saw the sun was positioned directly above the three of them. He returned his attention to the pegasus, his eyes filled with awe.
"Holy mother of Lady Faust and Hasbro, you're right! He's really not casting a shadow!"
Shield shot Spear a look of confusion. "Who or what is Hasbro?"
Shield wagged a hoof in front of his face. "Nopony that need be spoken of again."