I nodded approvingly at Mount Candy, towering above everypony in the clubhouse. It was good. “So,” Melody said, tilting her head and looking at the mountain. “What exactly are we doing again? We put all our candy in the pile–”
“Mountain,” I corrected.
“Okay… mountain,” Melody said. “We put all the candy in the mountain... and divide it amongst ourselves? Wasn’t it already divided up before we put it in the p– mountain?”
“No,” I said, glancing away from the most beautiful sight in Equestria to Melody, who was probably one of the top ten most beautiful things in Equestria. “We divide it up first. Speaking of which, does everypony have their favorite candy ready for me?”
“Anything apple flavored,” Apple Bloom said, making a point of looking at the candy mountain and most definitely not at Life Bloom. It was… They’d been acting weird since we’d found them last night. Probably because Life Bloom’s double confessed her crush to Apple Bloom. At least, that’s what I guess had happened. Once we met up last night, we didn’t really talk, just trick-or-treated.
“Those sour chewy fruit things,” Scootaloo said, picking a pink square out of the pile, unwrapping it and popping it in her mouth.
“I wouldn’t mind if I got the... “ Melody’s eyes drifted over the mountain. “Hmm, would it be okay if I had those chocolate bars with the peanuts in them?”
“Sure,” I said, nodding. “LB?”
Life Bloom sighed. “I would like whatever dark chocolates you have.”
“Great,” I said, smiling at her. “No one else ever likes those, so we won’t have to worry about getting rid of them this year.”
“Ooh! Could I have the caramel stuff?” Socket said from his spot on the opposite side of the mountain. At least, I think it was him. It was definitely a colt’s voice, and I didn’t think there were any other colts in the clubhouse.
I nodded.
“So…” he said, “is that a yes or a no or…”
Right. Mt. Candy kept him from seeing me. “Sure,” I said. “That’s fine with everypony else, right?” There was a chorus of agreement.
“Okay then. Diamond Tiara?” I said, looking at my marefriend. Well, one of them… possibly. We still had to have our big talk about how we’d get things to work, but that could wait until after candy. Everything could wait until after candy.
“I guess I’ll take the chocolate peanut butter cups,” Diamond Tiara said from her spot right next to me.
“Oh, I always take them for my second candy pick,” I said, frowning. “I love chocolate and peanut butter, and combining them somehow makes them even better; it’s like, the whole is greater than the sum of its delicious parts.”
“Wait,” Life Bloom said, squinting her eyes at me. “You’re familiar with that phrase?”
“Duh,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Who isn’t familiar with the fundamental tenants of gestalt psychology?” I tapped my chin in thought. “Of course, in this case, the peanut butter cup doesn’t have any properties that aren’t found in either chocolate or peanut butter, so I might not be using…” I trailed off as I noticed all my friends were staring at me. “What?”
“It’s…” Life Bloom finally spoke after spending a few seconds rubbing her forehead. “You know what, I don’t think I want to know. I can’t imagine… No, I definitely don’t want to know.” Why was everypony being weird? Gestalt psychology was pretty common knowledge. Like… it would be weirder if I didn’t know about that.
“Right,” Diamond Tiara said, before kissing my neck. “Well, if you want, I can probably be persuaded to share some of them with you.”
“Alright,” Scootaloo said from Tiara’s other side. “I’m totally fine with the two of you dating, but can you please try not to do all the mushy stuff in front of me?”
“I have to agree with Scootaloo,” Life Bloom said, giving a pointed glare to Tiara. “While I have no issue with your relationship, I’d prefer it if I didn’t have to see all the private details.”
“Fine…” I mumbled before remembering last night. There had to be a way I could make me happy and make my friends happy. “Can’t we do a little kissing? Nothing big, but maybe like… cheek kisses occasionally?” I asked, looking from Tiara to Scootaloo.
“Sure, I guess,” Scootaloo said, shrugging. “Just… you know, try not to overdo it. I don’t want our friends to get bogged down doing kissing stuff when there’s so much more cool stuff we could be doing instead.”
“Alright,” Tiara said before turning back to look at me. “So, we all said what candy we’d like, or everypony but Sweetie Belle did, so what happens next?”
“I sort the candy out,” I said, grabbing several Sugar Sticks from the mountain and ripping the tops off before pouring what was basically pure sugar down my throat. I grabbed them as quickly as I could find them, sometimes pouring six pixie sticks down my throat simultaneously. I shook my head after I finished off roughly thirty pixie sticks in less than three minutes, a new record for me.
“Alright,” I said, looking at my new friends. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had already taken a few steps away from the mountain. “You girls and Socket might want to get away from the mountain, things are going to get a little hectic here in a few–” I froze, or more accurately, time froze. My friends had gone completely stiff, and the background noises of the outside world stopped. I was in the heart of the sugar high.
I trotted over to candy mountain, giving the base of it a kiss. It was so beautiful, and now I was going to destroy it. I gave a sniffle, before delicately plucking several peanut butter cups from the pile with my magic and tossing them towards Diamond Tiara. The second I released them from my magic, they hovered in the air. If I stared at them long enough, I could see them inching towards the ground in front of Tiara, but watching them move in slow motion was so boring and I more-pressing candy-related issues to deal with.
My teeth chattered as I sorted the pile, my blood turning into… mostly sugar. I laughed as I threw candy to my friends, there was so much candy and I could do everything. It was like the time loop, but better because I got to eat candy. Time sped up and, I glanced back at the pile. It wasn’t anywhere near sorted yet. I grabbed a few more Sugar Sticks and downed them in a second. In less than a second. Everything had happened in less than a second. Around me, Melody and Tiara had just gotten to exchanging a worried glance, while Life Bloom looked like she was trying to understand something that broke her understanding of a rational universe. Probably in a second she’d give up up trying to understand. Maybe not. She’d probably ask about it later. But not right now, right now, I had candy. I ripped the top off some more Sugar Sticks and poured them down my throat.
More candy. Caramels for Socket, fruit chews for Scootaloo, dark chocolate for Melody. No, Life Bloom wanted dark chocolate, I grabbed the dark chocolate hovering in the air and flung it towards Life Bloom. In a second… or an hour, it would react. It depended on how you looked at it. The mountain shrank. The first peanut butter cups hit the floor.
My muscles grew heavy. More Sugar Sticks. Lots more. I threw pop rocks and wax lips over to my pile. The best candy was the sweetest. It was always the sweetest. Did I mention how much I loved candy? It’s just the best, especially when you can break time. Time-breaking sugar highs are just great. As I sorted, I watched as my hoof seemed to float through the air. It was going so slow. Why couldn’t it go faster? Everything needed to go faster. I needed more Sugar Sticks. Maybe then I could push my body to go as fast as I was thinking. Then I could eat more candy because I was going so fast that I had to eat candy. I really like candy.
The mountain shrank.. Seven arcs of various candies shot from its center to my friends, and if you looked long enough, you could see the candy creep through the air. Almost done. I couldn’t find many more Sugar Sticks. Around me, my friends were doing… something. Melody and Tiara had taken a step towards me for some reason, Socket was looking at me like I’d suddenly turned into the coolest pony in the world, and Life Bloom’s face was empty of all expression. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had their mouths opened. If I listened hard, I could occasionally hear the dull roar of their yelling between long periods of silence, but I couldn’t listen, I had to keep sorting. There was still so much candy that needed sorting. So much more to do before the sugar high faded and I had to go back to being so boring and slow.
No more Sugar Sticks. No more sorting. The mountain had been reduced to little more than a pillow. Seven streams of candy flew through the air slower than a snail. I was suddenly so tired. My brain fell back into sluggishness as my thoughts sped up. I yawned and wobbled on my feet. I was so tired, and the remainder of unsorted candy seemed as good a pillow as any other. I yawned and fell towards it, my body floating gently down to the ground. Huh, I thought as I used the air as my pillow. I’d probably hit the ground in another hour, but I’d be asleep in just a few more seconds. Who knew it takes so long to fall a few hooves?
***
“How long is she going to be out?” somepony asked. Their voice sounded familiar, and it was definitely a mare, but… Ugh! Why did my head hurt so much? Oh right, I was coming down from the greatest sugar high ever. Maybe if I had…
“More Sugar Sticks,” I groaned, hiding my head under my hooves. It felt like my brain had just exploded and splattered all over inside my skull. I needed more sugar, if I never had to come down from my sugar high, my head wouldn’t have to hurt. It just made sense. More sugar. I definitely needed more sugar.
“Absolutely not,” Diamond Tiara said, her normally pretty voice now sounding like nails scraping against my ear drum. I moved my forelegs up to cover my ears. “You’ve been passed out for the last hour, and I’m not going to have you pass out from another sugar crash.”
I grumbled something incoherent and not nice. What part of no talking didn’t she understand? Oh, right, I didn’t tell her that, and I’m pretty sure we haven’t hit the relationship stage where she can read my thoughts. At least, I hope we– No, thinking hurts too much. “Can you please not talk again? Or at least wait until my head stops hurting.” Wait, that was my marefriend. Maybe I shouldn’t talk to her like that.
“Sorry,” I said before curling up and burying my head into my flank. “I just… I really need more sugar.”
“Actually, I think more sugar might actually kill you,” a voice – Life Bloom? Yeah, it was definitely Life Bloom – said. “Of course, I didn’t think it was possible for a pony to metabolize sugar like you just did, so my body of knowledge is a bit more limited than I’d like. Still, I’m positive more sugar won’t solve your problem.”
“I can make you one o’ those potions I make for Applejack and Big Macintosh after they spend all night sampling the cider,” Apple Bloom said. “When they wake up, they kind of act like you do now, so I think it should work. Just give me a few minutes.”
I nodded my head a tiny bit, before deciding I shouldn’t move my head again unless the clubhouse was on fire, and even then, it might be better if I took my chances. “Why do I sort the candy for you all every year?” I asked, my voice muffled by my fur, which was feeling really soft ever since I started using that special shampoo Tiara’d gotten me. It felt as good as my head felt bad, and it smelled… well, it smelled nice enough that it didn’t make my head feel worse. Kind of lilac and vanilla-ey.
“Because a year from now, you’ll have forgotten how awful the sugar crash was and just remember the high,” Scootaloo said, her voice sounding like she’d just scraped a bow against violin while also scraping a hoof against a chalkboard. Oh! And now I felt like I was going to vomit, so that was… I didn’t even think it was possible for me to feel worse, but somehow my body managed.
“I hate that you’re right,” I said, before swallowing the nausea back down into my stomach. “At least, right now, I do, I’ll probably be super excited to eat my body weight in sugar next year. ‘Ooh! This will be so great, my head definitely won’t feel like a minotaur stomped on it an hour from now.’”
“No you won’t,” Diamond Tiara said. It sounded like she was standing right next to me, but I wasn’t about to check. “I’m not going to let you eat that much sugar again. In fact, I don’t like the idea of you eating sugar at all, now.”
“I agree with Tiara,” Melody said, from some place behind Tiara. The fact that she barely ever talked above a whisper made her my favorite pony ever right now. “I mean… I’m not going to tell you what to do, but maybe it wouldn’t be terrible if you stopped and thought things through a little more before you did them. If you want to, of course, I just don’t think you should… We worry about you when you blink out of existence like that.”
“Is that what it looks like?” I asked before trying to bury my head deeper into my side. “To me it looks like you all just freeze solid. In fact, I kind of feel like I’m moving too slow when I eat that much candy.”
“Probably because you can perceive far faster than you can act,” Life Bloom said from… somewhere. Trying to figure out where she was used up brain energy that was better spent trying to figure out new ways of describing how much my head hurt. “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind imbibing that much sugar in a more controlled laboratory setting, I think it could be really–”
“Absolutely not,” Diamond Tiara and Melody both said.
“Eating that much sugar clearly isn’t good for her,” Melody said. “I can’t believe you two would force her to do that to herself just to sort your candy for you.”
“We don’t force her,” Scootaloo said, causing me to wince. How come I hadn’t noticed how terrible her voice was before? “We even tried to stop her a few times, but she said eating all that candy was her favorite thing about Nightmare Night.” Past me was a moron. Future me was also probably a moron. All me’s except this one were morons, except maybe – maybe – the one who drank the intelligence potion. Speaking of which–
“The books!” I squeaked, before immediately hating myself for talking. Maybe if I hadn’t completely forgotten about them for the last two months, I might’ve read a warning about this sugar high. Probably not. I mean, I was warned about the time loop, and I still messed that up, so me warning me not to do something I really wanted to do probably wouldn’t have worked. Stupid past me.
“What books?” Tiara asked, causing me to groan again. Now I had to do more talking, which was very not good.
“Can I tell you about it after I drink Apple Bloom’s potion?” I asked. “Actually, can only Melody talk until I drink Apple Bloom’s potion? Please?”
“Uhmm… everypony else is nodding, so I guess that means it’s okay,” Melody said after a really long pause. “What should we… what do you want to talk about?”
“Nothing,”I groaned. “I just want to lay here and wait until I don’t feel like I’m about to die. You’re just the only pony who can talk without making me feel worse.”
“Oh… okay,” Melody said after a long pause. “Maybe the rest of us should go outside for a bit until Apple Bloom finishes her potion, then? We should probably let Sweetie rest.” There were a few more seconds of silence, followed by the sound of hooves clacking on wood as my friends left the clubhouse. Well, most of them.
“Shouldn’t take much longer, Sweetie,” Apple Bloom said. “This hair-of-the-dog potion doesn’t take that long to–”
“Words... “ I groaned. “No more…”
“Right, I forgot,” she said. “I’ll just be… workin’ on this potion and bein’ quiet then, I guess. You’ll be feelin’ fine in no time.”
I didn’t say anything about her still talking. If I did, she’d probably start apologizing for talking again, and that was the opposite of what I wanted. Things were quiet now, and the only sound I had to deal with was the bubbling of Apple Bloom’s potion. I could live with that.
“Alright,” she said after what felt like a beautiful eternity of silence where the only things I had to deal with were my extreme nausea and the baseline pounding in my head… Okay, it wasn’t that beautiful, I guess, but it was definitely better than listening to ponies talk and having my head somehow feel even worse. “This potion should work. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but my gut tells me this is kind of like the cider headaches it usually cures.”
“Give it,” I said, blindly sticking a hoof out to grab at it.
“Just open your mouth and tilt your head back,” Apple Bloom said. “If you’re not gonna open your eyes to see what you’re doin’, I’m not gonna give you the bottle. They’re expensive, and I don’t want you to break them.”
“Fine,” I said, getting up on my hooves and tilting my head back, making sure not to open my eyes as I moved. Opening my eyes would be extremely not good. Like, it would probably be the least good thing I could do.
“Alright,” Apple Bloom said from right next to me. “Keep your mouth open until I say you can close it, and don’t spit out any of the potion. It tastes as bad as you feel.”
I groaned. “Can you make it fast then?””
Instead of getting an answer, I felt something that tasted like broccoli covered in dirt mixed with soap and old coffee grounds with maybe a dash of cinnamon fill my mouth. Somehow, I managed to swallow it instead of vomiting immediately, but the second I swallowed, I had another mouthful to deal with, and then another, and then another.
“You can close your mouth now,” Apple Bloom said after several more gulps of what had to be poison. Was the potion supposed to be so awful it made me forget about my head, because if so… Actually, my head didn’t hurt anymore.
In one quick move, I opened my eyes and wrapped my forelegs around Apple Bloom. “Oh, thank you so much. You have no idea how much better I feel. Now, the only thing I have to deal with is the awful taste in my mouth, which–” My eyes darted to the remaining candy pile. “I think I know how to take care of.”
“Absolutely not!” Diamond Tiara said, standing at the entrance to the clubhouse. “You were just complaining about how awful you felt, and now you want to eat more candy?”
I nodded at her as I broke my hug with Apple Bloom. “Of course! Now I know there’s a cure, so I can just eat all the candy I want, then Apple Bloom can make a nasty potion to make me feel better, and then I can eat more candy to get the taste out of my mouth. It’s perfect.”
“No it isn’t,” Tiara said. “That’s... “ She sputtered before taking a deep breath and pinching her nose. “Okay, so first of all, this ‘plan’ of yours means the only thing you’ll ever do is eat candy and drink potions. Does that sound like fun…” She trailed off as she saw the look on my face. “Nevermind. Okay, new point. Your plan doesn’t leave any time for kissing me. Is that what you really–”
“No!” I yelled, sprinting towards my marefriend before wrapping my forehooves around her and planting a big fat kiss on her lips. And another. And another. And then another. Then a really long kiss where I sucked on her lips to get a really nice taste of her–
“Gross.” Scootaloo said, coming up the ramp to the clubhouse. “Sweetie, if you want to eat Tiara’s face, can you please do it somewhere not around me? Maybe your room, or… just anywhere I’m not at. I don’t want all that mushy stuff to hurt my awesomeness levels.”
“You know,” I said, breaking my kiss and giving Diamond Tiara’s cheek a little nuzzle. “I think being able to put up with mushy stuff would make you more awesome.” I gave Scootaloo my best cocky smile. “Actually, not being able to deal with ponies kissing is kind of lame.” Okay, was playing to Scootaloo’s pride the nicest thing ever? Maybe not, but it didn’t hurt her, and it led to me getting more kisses, which… who could be upset by that.
“Oh, it is so on,” Scootaloo said, matching my smile with her own. “I can deal with all the mushy stuff you throw my way and then some. In fact, I bet I’m better at dealing with mushy stuff than everypony else in this room.”
“Really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at Diamond Tiara while the rest of my friends walked back into the clubhouse. “Is that a challenge?”
“Of course,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Hit me with your best shot. If I can deal with whatever romantic mushy stuff you can think of, then no more kisses around me, but if I can’t, if I freak out or whatever, then you get to do all the kissy stuff you want from now on.”
My smile got even bigger and maybe just a tiny bit devious. This was going to be so much fun. “Okay,” I said, trying not to show my excitement. “Any rules on what I can’t do?”
“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “But you only get three shots. I’m not going to sit here and watch you make out with Tiara all day. Deal?”
“Deal,” I said, nodding my head at her before looking at the rest of my friends. “You all can leave if you want, If you want to watch as well, that’s totally fine, I just don’t want to force you to.”
Life Bloom gave me a nod of gratitude before trotting to the door. “I’d prefer to leave as many of the details of your romantic life to the imagination as possible.” She shuddered as she walked out of the clubhouse. “I saw more than enough yesterday.”
“Melody?” I asked, looking at my friend/possible other marefriend. “I’d get it if you–”
“I’m fine,” she said, her jade cheeks going red. “I’m… I wouldn’t mind staying and watching if you’re okay with it. I… uhmm… don’t mind.”
Socket looked between me and the door. “I guess I can stay,” he said, frowning. “I mean… This could be fun. Might take my mind off some stuff.” I made a mental note to ask him about what stuff he needed to take his mind off of as soon our kissing contest was done. Ooh! I was in a kissing contest, this was going to be so much fun.
“Yeah, I’m okay with stayin’ too,” Apple Bloom said, rubbing the back of her head. “You know, maybe I can learn somethin’ about kissin’ ponies. In case I ever find a special somepony.” At the last few words, she glanced briefly at the door.
“Alright,” I said, turning to look at my marefriend. “You ready?”
She gave a tiny nod, her eyes never looking away from me. I brought my lips up against hers, a long sigh escaping as I felt their heat against mine. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and she gave out a surprised gasp. At least, I think that’s what it was, it was difficult to tell with my tongue in her mouth, which, by the way, somehow made kissing even better, especially when Tiara started sucking on it. I didn’t even know you could do that.
Several minutes later, we pulled away to catch our breath and found a very unimpressed Scootaloo polishing her hooves. “I don’t think you can top that, and I’m not even a little grossed out. Looks like I already won.” My other friends had a harder time concealing their reactions. Melody couldn’t seem to look away from me, Apple Bloom was looking at everything but me, and Socket was staring off at the wall, his wings extended out.
Shoot, that was probably the best kiss we’d ever had. Just feeling Tiara’s saliva on my lips made me all tingly. Maybe if I– My eyes lit up as an idea entered my head. I whispered my plan in Tiara’s ear and she gave a reluctant nod. “Fine, but we’re having our big relationship talk as soon as this is over, understand?”
I nodded at her before turning to Melody. “Uhmm… Melody, do you want to help me win my bet with Scootaloo? I mean, we’re going to be talking about us dating later today, anyways, right?”
“What?” Melody asked, jumping back in surprise. “I’m sorry, do you mean… You want to kiss me? Now? In front of your friends?”
“If that’s okay with you,” I said, giving a small smile to my friend. “If not, I totally under–”
“No, no, that’s fine,” she said, taking a few steps towards me. “So… what do I do? Do I just press my lips against yours or–”
“Really, Sweetie?” Scootaloo said from her spot next to the crusading table. “If kissing your marefriend didn’t work, what makes you think kissing somepony else is?”
I turned and smiled at her. “Watch and see. Or, I guess you can forfeit now, if you want.”
She laughed. “You know I’m not going to surrender, right?”
“That’s what I was hoping to hear,” I said, giving a tiny giggle that didn’t sound anything like my double’s crazy giggle before kissing Melody. It was crazy how different Melody and Tiara’s kissing style was Tiara was like a partner, you kissed her and she kissed back, but kissing Melody was like… butter, if that makes any sense. The second I touched her, she just melted into me, and I actually had to keep her up. It was still really nice, just different by a lot.
My head lowered as Melody twisted her body around so that I was almost on top of her when I felt the warm touch of Tiara’s lips swallow up my horn. Her tongue traced my horn’s spiral, and my left back leg kicked up. as a moan came from my mouth and got caught in Melody’s throat. My whole body burned from Melody and Tiara’s combined touch while my mind slipped into a nice happy void.
“That was… fun,” Melody said as our kiss ended. I gave her an empty distracted smile in agreement. Kissing was fun, and being kissed by multiple ponies was… funner. I giggled as my brain turned over the fun-ness of kissing. Why didn’t ponies just kiss all the time? I mean, besides the fact that they’d eventually starve to death, which I guess is an okay reason for not kissing all the time, but you could definitely still kiss a lot of the time.
“Hey…” I said as I started remembering that there was a world outside of kissing. “What happened to Apple Bloom and… and…” I trailed off as my brain went back to thinking about kissing.
“Socket,” Tiara said. Right, I could think about kissing later, right now I had a contest to win, and Scootaloo was… frowning slightly as she glanced at the floor.
“They left, because that was… Obviously, I’m cool enough to deal with it, but I can totally see how they aren’t. In fact, I bet most ponies couldn’t deal with seeing you kiss and make those noises, so unless you can somehow top that, I guess I win and don’t have to deal with seeing you do anything like that again. Not that it bugs me of course, I’m totally cool enough to see ponies kiss,” Scootaloo said, looking at a point just below where I was standing.
Shoot! That was pretty much my best shot. If seeing me kiss somepony while another pony gave me a horn kiss… How could I top that? Maybe if I had my entire class with me or had asked Rarity to give me the other half of that talk, then maybe, but I’m pretty sure that if I left the clubhouse, I’d lose the game.
“So,” Scootaloo said, still making sure not to look at me. “You forfeit? Because if you can top that, you’re totally crazy. Not in a bad way, but... Do you feel any shame though?”
“Of course I do,” I said, taking a step forward and feeling my cheeks get hot. We’d just made up and I really didn’t want us to get in another fight. “I feel shame when I do something bad, but kissing is… it’s the exact opposite of bad. It’s super fun and absolutely nopony gets hurt doing it. Why should I feel shame for doing something that good?”
“Well, it’s just…” She paused and stared at her own hooves. Ugh! Maybe if she’d been kissed before, she’d get why kissing was so awesome, and… The idea bulb in my head lit up, and before Scootaloo could do anything, my lips were against hers. For a second, her whole body went tense and her rough lips refused to open up, but then something completely happened: She kissed back, and the inside of her lips were just as soft as Tiara’s and Melody’s.
She didn’t just kiss back though, not like Melody who melted under my kiss or Tiara who pushed back as hard as I did, kissing Scootaloo was like kissing an incoming wave that just kind of washed completely over you. It was… I totally get why Melody melted under my kisses. Now, if I could get somepony to kiss my horn while Scootaloo kissed me… I think I might be in heaven.
A second (or a minute?) later, we pulled away from each other, and I had to make sure I wasn’t just floating in the air. I wasn’t. At some point during our kiss, Scootaloo’s wings had popped open, and my friend looked completely shocked. “What… just happened?”
“I kissed you,” I said, smiling at my friend, “and then you kissed me back, and you’re actually a really good kisser, and was that your first time, because if so, you should definitely get a special somepony as soon as possible and practice kissing as much as possible, because you could really be great at it.”
“Yeah… no,” Scootaloo said, still looking shocked. “I mean… what the hay just happened?”
“I think… Sweetie won the bet,” Melody said from the same spot she’d been standing at when I’d kissed her.
“Oh! You’re right,” I said, spinning around to look at her and… the blank spot where Tiara used to be. “What happened to Tia?” I asked, looking back at Melody.
“She… uhmm… she left when you kissed Scootaloo. I think she was pretty upset,” Melody said, her eyes still kind of glazed over from the kiss.
“Shoot!” I said, trotting to the exit. “Scootaloo, are you okay if I leave you alone for a minute? I just need to make sure Tia’s okay.” Yeah, Other Me definitely had a good idea referring to her as Tia.
“I… just… what happened? Did I kiss back… why did I do that? Did I… No, I couldn’t have,” she said, still staring off at a place that didn’t exist.
“I can keep an eye on her,” Melody said, giving me a reassuring smile as I headed down to where Tiara was standing and scowling at the sky. I know I probably should’ve told her what I wanted to do before I did it, but I needed to surprise Scootaloo, and I kind of did it for Tiara, so I don’t really see what the big deal is. It’s not like I hurt her.
“Hey,” I said, as she spun around to glare at me. “I guess you’re kind of upset.”
“You think?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “But what could possibly upset me?”
“Probably that I kissed Scootaloo without asking you,” I said, frowning at her. “I mean, I think that’d upset you, but if I did something else wrong instead, then I’m totally sorry.”
“And are you sorry for kissing Scootaloo?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at me. Was this our first big fight? Were we supposed to do something special to celebrate it? Because most other relationship firsts had you do something special. Usually kisses, but I didn’t think that would be appropriate.
“I’m… sorry for upsetting you,” I said, giving her a smile. If I apologized, everything would be okay and we could go back to kissing.
“But… you’re not sorry for kissing her. If you had to do it again, you would, right?” she asked, but it sounded like she already knew the answer to that question.
“... Yeah, but… I did it for us. Now we can kiss in front of Scootaloo as much as we want. It’s not like I wanted to kiss Scootaloo.” Although I didn’t not want to. It was an unexpected bonus.
Tiara took a deep breath. “But… you just don’t care, do you? It’s like… if one of your friends asked you to kiss them, the only reason you wouldn’t want to is because it would upset me, right?”
“That’s a dumb question,” I said, frowning and taking a step towards her. I wanted to kiss her to cheer her up, but my stomach told me that that wouldn’t help things at all. Besides being really fun. “Of course I’d want to kiss other ponies, but I generally don’t because we’re dating, and I know you don’t like it.”
She took another calming breath. “Sweetie, I’m really trying not to be controlling and possessive, and I’m willing to try you dating Melody as well, but I just… I can’t see you go around kissing other ponies like that. It’s… I have to go home and think, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait!” I squeaked as she started trotting off. “I’ll walk with you, and we can talk this out and everything will be fine, I promise. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”
“I know,” she said, stopping her walk and sighing. “You don’t want to hurt anypony, but what we want is really different. You want to kiss lots of ponies and have as much fun as possible, and I want… Well, I want you, and I hate seeing you kiss somepony else, although… you know I’m trying to be...”
“I know,” I said, nuzzling against her neck. “And I really want to make you happy, I just… I also like kissing other ponies. Your kisses and Melody’s kisses and Scootaloo’s kisses are all so different and good, it feels wrong to not experience them. It’s… Kissing other ponies doesn’t hurt anyone.”
“Look,” Tiara said, pulling away from me and resuming her walk home, “I just… I want to be alone right now, so I can think everything through.”
“We’re not breaking up though, right?” I asked, feeling my eyes suddenly get wet. Luckily, Tiara had got me that water-resistant makeup a few weeks ago, otherwise I would have had to hold back the wave of tears that were going to hit me in about… thirty seconds, I figured.
“No,” she said as she trotted off into the apple orchard. “I promise we aren’t going to break up over this.” She turned back and gave me a tiny smile. “I know you’re not going to like this, and I don’t like making you upset, but right now, the only thing I know is that I need some time to think, and I can’t do that with you around for… a lot of reasons, actually.” She trotted back and gave me a kiss on the cheek, but it didn’t feel as good as it usually did. “We’ll talk Sunday, and everything will be fine, so… try not to get too upset tonight. I’m sure your friends will cheer you up.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled as Tiara walked away. “And I am sorry for upsetting you.”
“I know,” she said as she trotted over a hill, leaving me to sit alone under the clubhouse and cry. I was right when I guessed it would take me thirty seconds to start sobbing.
***
“Uhmm… do you want to talk?” Melody asked from behind me while I continued to sob. How long had it been since Tiara left? An hour? Several? “Scootaloo and I heard you crying and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“Then… then… why did you wait an hour before coming down?” I asked between sobs.
“You… it’s only been a few minutes, Sweetie, and we just heard you crying a few seconds ago. I came down as soon as I could,” Melody said, stepping around one of the black-tinged puddles that had formed next to me. I guess water-resistant makeup doesn’t hold up against my sobs.
“So…” Melody said, looking from me to the puddle of makeup tears to the otherwise empty orchard. “I’m guessing things didn’t go well with Tiara?”
I shook my head. “That’s… yeah, she’s pretty upset with me for kissing Scootaloo, and I don’t get why, because I only did it so we could win the contest and kiss around Scootaloo. Well, mostly.”
Melody took a deep breath. “You do understand why she’s upset with you, right?”
“Yeah… I understand, but… I don’t get it. Kissing’s fun! Really fun. Everypony enjoys it, and it doesn’t hurt anypony. At least, it shouldn’t,” I said, frowning. I really like Diamond Tiara, but I just… what’s the big deal about me kissing other ponies? And why do the all the stories just say you can have one special somepony? That just seems like it would lead to hurt feelings and other not fun stuff.
“But you… You care about Tiara’s feelings, right?” Melody asked.
“Of course,” I said, nodding my head. “Just because I don’t understand them doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore them. I want her to be happy. I want everypony to be happy, but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job of it.”
“I’m pretty happy,” Melody said, giving me a small smile. “And I have you to thank for it. Maybe some ponies are upset with you right now, but I’m sure they’ll come around. As long as ponies care for each other, everything will be fine, and I don’t think you’ll ever stop caring about somepony, so that’s half of what you need. The other half, you can’t control.”
“Thanks,” I said, giving her a smile. “I just wish I could do something to make Tiara feel better, but instead she just wants to sit in her room and think.”
“Then let her think. You said the same thing to me a month ago when Scootaloo stormed out of the cafeteria and…I think you were right about that,” Melody said, patting me gently on the back.
“But it took a month for me and Scootaloo to make up, and that only happened because she faced down her double. I can’t wait for next Nightmare Night to make up with Diamond Tiara, I’ll probably go crazy without having somepony to kiss, and she’s really good at…” I trailed off as I remembered who I was talking to. “Oh, I mean… I could kiss you, I guess, I was planning on doing it anyways, so if Diamond Tiara and I spent an entire year fighting, I’d have you at least–”
I stopped as I realized how awful that sounded. The fact that Melody looked like I’d slapped her just proved me right. “Not to… I don’t think you’re less than Diamond Tiara, I just really wanted to date both of you, I’m… sorry for that. I might have been talking faster than I was thinking.”
“It’s fine,” Melody said, the look of pain on her face slowly vanishing. “You didn’t mean anything, and you apologized. Just… I don’t know, if we start dating, could you maybe… not make me feel like I’m less important to you than Diamond Tiara?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, nodding my head at her and smiling while remembering Diamond Tiara’s request that I let any potential partners know she was the most important. I could… probably get it so everything worked out fine. I mean, maybe if I could get Tiara and Melody to start really dating each other, Tiara wouldn’t mind it so much if I liked Melody just as much as her.
“Okay,” she said, going back to giving me a smile. “I think… I think Scootaloo wants to talk to you. Are you okay now?”
I nodded at her and beamed. “Thanks to you, I am. I would totally still be here sobbing and thinking about… about…” I sniffled for a second. “I should probably go talk to Scootaloo.”
“That’d be good,” she said, nodding her head in agreement. “I’ll just be… heading back to the academy, I guess. I’ll see you Sunday?”
“Alright,” I said, waving a hoof after her as she trotted off. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Great, I thought as I headed upstairs, now it’s just me and–
“You kissed me!” Scootaloo yelled as I walked into the clubhouse, her wings flaring out slightly at the mention of the kiss. “Why the hay would you do that?”
“To… win the bet,” I said, taking a seat next to one of the four remaining candy piles in the room. Shoot. Diamond Tiara and Melody left in such a hurry they forgot their candy. I’d have to get that back to them, what’s the point of the day after Nightmare Night if you can’t spend it eating candy?
“But why’d you think that was okay?” she sputtered. “It’s… there are boundaries, Sweetie Belle.”
“And I normally wouldn’t just kiss you, but you said anything went and I wanted to win the bet. I’m sorry for upsetting you, but you didn’t say I couldn’t kiss you in the rules,” I said, smiling at her.
“Because I didn’t think I needed to! Kissing me is like… Something your double would do,” she said, frowning as she realized the problem with that statement. “Okay, and I get that you kind of are your double, but you also said you didn’t want to be like her. And guess what? You look a lot like her from where I’m standing.”
“That’s not fair!” I squeaked, losing my smile for a second. “I said I didn’t just want to use ponies to get what I want or… Oh… I kind of did do that, didn’t I?”
She nodded. “Yep. But hey, you won the bet.”
“Okay! I’m sorry for upsetting you, I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to–”
Scootaloo rubbed her forehead. “Win the competition, I know, and I know I said anything goes, but maybe you could ask before you kiss me next time?”
“Ooh! Does that mean you want me to kiss you again, because I can definitely bring that up with Tiara and Melody when we have our big talk. I’m sure they’ll love to have you join our… what do you call a group of ponies that are dating? A herd? I think I heard that somewhere…” I giggled. “Heard. Herd. Heard herd. Heardherd. Can you hear the difference?”
Scootaloo stared at me and rubbed her forehead. “No… I mean, yes, I can hear the difference, but I don’t want you to kiss me again, alright?”
My giggling stopped and I frowned at her. “You mean you didn’t like kissing me? I thought you were a really great kisser, and… you had fun, right?”
Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to think of something to say. “Me enjoying or not enjoying it isn’t the issue. The issue is you’re already dating somepony – or someponies, I’m not sure where you are with Melody yet – and I just… My gut tells me this is going to end with somepony really getting their feelings hurt, and I’m afraid it’s going to be you. You are pretty sensitive.”
“I am not!” I said, “I’m just as tough as you are.”
Scootaloo just raised an eyebrow and pointed at the streaks of makeup that were staining my cheeks. “Alright, maybe not,” I said, frowning at her. “But nopony’s going to get hurt. I mean, it’s just ponies who care about each other having fun together. How could that end poorly? Nopony can get hurt by kissing or dating.”
“Diamond Tiara did,” Scootaloo said, sighing and taking a seat next to me. “Look, maybe you can work this out and everything will be fine, but my gut is saying this is going to end with everything going up in flames, and I don’t want to add to that.”
I frowned and nodded. “But… you do want to date me, right? It sounds like you do, but just don’t want to get involved because you think ponies dating multiple ponies is a really bad idea, which is silly because it’s totally the best idea ever. I mean, if you date multiple ponies, you never have to worry about love triangles, and… Ooh! I know just how to solve Apple Bloom, Life Bloom, and Socket’s problem.”
“Stop right there,” Scootaloo said. “Do we need to have another talk about how you shouldn’t meddle in other ponies love lives?”
“But that was before I started dating,” I said, groaning and tapping a forehoof on the ground. “Now I’m the relationship expert in the group, and I really think I could solve all their problems if the three of them just started dating.”
She just shook her head. “Sweetie, I saw the fight they had when Life Bloom’s double said she had a crush on Apple Bloom, or I saw the start of that fight, and let me tell you that it’s super complicated, and… how did you know about that love triangle?”
“Time loop,” I said, shrugging. “I spent a loop trying to set you and Socket up, and it ended with everypony getting really upset with each other.”
“And… you just proved my point,” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes. “Promise me you won’t try to get them to start dating each other?”
“Fiiiiiine,” I groaned. “I promise I won’t try to convince them to start dating each other.” But if I nudged things so that they happened that way, I wouldn’t be breaking my promise, and that way everypony could be happy. Okay, yes, right now, Diamond Tiara really doesn’t like the idea of me dating other ponies, but I know I can convince her to come around. Who doesn’t like more kisses?
“Anyways,” I said, lighting my horn up and floating Tiara and Melody’s candy into separate bags, “I should probably get this candy back to them. We’re… okay though, right?”
She nodded. “As long as you don’t kiss me again, we’re great. I’ll even scooter you over to Diamond Tiara’s place and the Academy.”
“Really?” I asked as I floated the bags over to me. “Are you sure?”
“Well, I did get my cutie mark for being awesome on the scooter as well as awesome in general, so it would be pretty lame if I didn’t help you out,” she said, wiggling her flank to show off her cutie mark.
Shoot! I’d completely forgotten to do anything to celebrate her getting her cutie mark. Sure, it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since she’d gotten it, but still, she was my best friend and we’d just made up from a huge fight and… “What if we have an ice-cream social at Sugarcube Corner tomorrow, it’ll be my treat. Wait… no, an ice-cream social is what I’d want to celebrate my cutie mark… or just in general, I guess. Anyways, how do you want to celebrate getting your cutie mark?”
She shrugged as we headed out of the clubhouse. “I don’t know, it’s funny, it doesn’t actually feel that special, you know? Like… when I look back at it, I kind of feel like a big idiot for not realizing it sooner, but I was just so hung up on flying that I couldn’t see what I was actually good at.”
“I know,” I said, as we reached Scootaloo’s scooter. “I mean, for me, I don’t feel like I actually did anything special, and instead just realized something about myself. It’s… actually not as big a thing as we made it out to be, is it?”
She shook her head as she hitched a wagon to her scooter. “Yes and no. It’s like… I know who I am now, but I haven’t changed. Kind of makes me regret all those years we spent doing every crazy thing we could think of… Would any of us actually be happy if we got cutie marks in – I don’t know – ziplining?”
I laughed as I recalled the, I think it was like, fourth time we got completely covered in tree sap. “Maybe… If we did get our cutie marks in ziplining, then I guess we would be because it’s our special talent, but… I get your point.”
She smiled at me as I hopped on the back of the wagon. “Glad to hear it. So, where do you want us to go first?”
“I thought we could go to Diamond Tiara’s and drop her candy off on her doorstep first, and then head to the dorms. Thanks again for helping me,” I said as I floated the left behind bags of candy onto the wagon.
“No worries,” Scootaloo said as she put on her helmet. “Figured it’s the least I could do after being such a jerk this last month.” She flicked her wings as she spoke, which she never did unless something was bothering her or unless she was about to start scootering, but I’m pretty sure it was the former in this case.
“It’s fine,” I said as she got onto her scooter. “What’s bothering you?”
“You mean besides the fact that I spent the last month being a huge jerk to my best friend?” she asked, looking back at me and rolling her eyes. “Nothing, Why would anything else be bugging me?”
“You were flickering your wings. You always do that when something’s bugging you,” I said, deciding not to mention the other reason she flicked her wings. It probably wouldn’t help my argument that much.
“We’re about to take off. Of course, I’m flicking my wings, I don’t want to get a cramp while we’re racing through town,” she said, turning to look back ahead of her and buzzing her wings. “Now hold on tight.”
“Something’s bugging you,” I said, holding the candy bags tight against me and getting as flat against the wagon’s surface as I could as we took off through the orchard. “I’m not going to drop this until you tell me what’s on your mind!” I yelled as loud as I could, trying to be heard over the sound of the wind.
“I know!” Scootaloo yelled back. “If you really want to get into it, can we talk about it when I’m not racing through an apple orchard at speeds that are literally breakneck?”
I nodded at her before remembering she couldn’t see me unless she wanted to risk running into an apple tree. “Fine!” I yelled as loud as I could. “What do you have in mind?”
She laughed as she ducked under a low-hanging branch. “Actually, I thought we could talk over shakes at Sugarcube Corner. That is, if you’re up for more sweets.”
Did she even have to ask?
***
“You sure you don’t want me to pay?” Scootaloo asked as we took our seats at Sugarcube Corner, Melody’s bag of candy sitting next to me. “I figure after everything I put you through, the least I can do to apologize is pay for your shake.” She frowned and looked down at her shake. “At least have me do something to show how sorry I am.”
“But you don’t need to,” I said, taking my first sip of my vanilla cream shake. Obviously, it was delicious. Did that even need to be said at this point? I mean, it’s a vanilla cream shake. “You apologized, it’s clear you’re sorry, and I just want things to get back to normal. Besides, having you pay for dessert is silly. Why would I have you pay when I’m making bits and you’re not? That would just be mean.”
Scootaloo winced. “That’s… that’s the problem though, not the bit thing, but I don’t think things can go back to how they were before. I mean, you’re definitely dating Tiara, probably going to start dating Melody, and… are there any other ponies you have an eye on?”
“Nope,” I said, shaking my head between sips of my shake. “Unless you’re interested. I mean, you’re my best friend and I’m sure Tiara would be totally fine with–”
“Gonna stop you there, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, putting a hoof up. “Still not interested in joining… whatever it is you have planned. You’re just so sensitive, I can’t see this ending any way other than bad.”
I frowned at that.
“Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t do it,” Scootaloo added. “I think I lost whatever right I had to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do over the last month. I just don’t want to make things worse, you know?”
“Okay,” I said, slowly nodding my head. “But! If I wasn’t dating anypony, would that change your mind? I mean, do you not want to date me because I’d also be dating other ponies, or do you just not want to date me?”
Scootaloo sighed and rubbed her head. “Can we please talk about something else?”
“Come on,” I groaned, gesturing my arms dramatically. “I know you enjoyed it when I kissed you; if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have kissed back, so what’s the issue?” I might have said that a bit louder than I meant to, as several other ponies in the bakery turned to look in our direction. Whoops.
“Sweetie, we were just fighting yesterday, and now you’re asking why I don’t want to date you? Can’t we just… enjoy being friends again? That’s all I want,” Scootaloo said, slinking low in our booth.
“Fine,” I groaned. “But if I was single, you’d be up for it, right?”
“Sweetie!”
“Sorry… It’s just, you know, we’re best friends. Why wouldn’t we date? There’s not something wrong with me is there?” I said, taking a sip of my milkshake. At least I had my milkshake to cheer me up.
She gave a heavy sigh. “No, besides this conversation going on way longer than I’d like, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Alright,” I said, frowning and deciding we could talk about why she did or didn’t want to date me later. “So… what’s on your mind? It’s been so long since we caught up, I don’t know how you’re doing. How have you been?”
Scootaloo smiled at me. “That sounds like the Sweetie I know, and honestly… well, I’ve been a lot better since yesterday, although...“ She trailed off, not wanting to say what was on her mind. I didn’t need to ask. “Well, I’m trying to be better. What’s up with you?”
“I’m guessing you don’t want to hear about me dating Tiara and Melody?” I asked, looking up from my shake at her.
She nodded. “Please.”
“Hmm, well…” I said, tapping my chin when a terrible thought suddenly entered my head. “Apple Bloom.”
Scootaloo groaned and rubbed her forehead. “Please don’t tell me you want to date her too.”
“What? No! I mean… I wouldn’t be against the idea, but Life Bloom has a crush on her, and she has that crush on Socket, and I just don’t see Apple Bloom being up for dating multiple ponies, but if she wanted to, that would totally be fun,” I said, thinking over the pros and cons to adding Apple Bloom to my dating group. She was a great friend, and it would probably be really fun going out with her, but she already had her own love triangle to deal with, and I didn’t think she had a crush on me.
“Okay,” Scootaloo said, nodding at me as she took another sip of her shake. “Just… wanted to make sure. What’s on your mind with her?”
I frowned in thought, trying to make sure I had my argument planned out perfectly. “Twist.”
Scootaloo stared at me in confusion, as I realized that my argument might need just a bit more to it than one word. “Her old friend, Twist. The two of them stopped talking after Twist got her cutie mark, and…” I trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought.
“You think now that we have our cutie marks, she’ll stop talking to us?” Scootaloo asked, finishing the thought for me. I nodded at her.
“Maybe…” I said, looking down into my shake. “Maybe we’re good enough friends that she won’t leave us, but… something tells me she isn’t going to take this well.”
“Really?” Scootaloo asked, tilting her head. “She seemed fine to me this afternoon. I think you might be overthinking things.”
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “Maybe we can do something nice for her to show that we’ll still be her friends even if she doesn’t have a cutie mark. Ooh! Maybe we can help her get her cutie mark. That’s what the Crusaders are all about, right?”
“And just how would we do that?” Scootaloo asked as I took a big slurp of vanilla shake. “We already know her talent involves potion making or something, she knows it, so what else we can do?”
“Ooh! We could figure out why she hasn’t had the epiphany yet and then help her with that,” I said, looking up from my shake at her.
“That doesn’t sound right,” Scootaloo said, scrunching up her forehead. “Isn’t the whole point of a cutie mark figuring it out for yourself? Besides, how are we supposed to figure out whatever’s holding Apple Bloom back? We can’t exactly get inside her head.”
“I don’t know,” I said, frowning. “But… you saw her other self, right? You know, the Nightmare Night one? What was she about?”
Scootaloo tapped her chin. “Let’s see, her other her… She was really angry at the real Apple Bloom. Said she was abandoning the family tradition, that she just had to accept her cutie mark was going to be something about apples.”
“Well, other her does have a point. Our names kind of foreshadowed our talents, didn’t they? Your special talent is scootering–”
“Being awesome on my scooter,” my friend corrected.
I sighed and nodded. “Right, and your name’s Scootaloo. My voice sounds nice, and my name’s Sweetie Belle. Okay, so it has an extra ‘e’ at the end, but bells also sound nice, so there’s… kind of a link.”
“Yeah, I kind of see your point, but… look at Rainbow Dash and her friends, they aren’t defined by their names. Yes, Rainbow Dash is awesome, and her name is awesome, but that’s not her talent,” Scootaloo said as I took another slurp of my shake. There weren’t that many slurps left.
“No, but her talent does involve going fast, and if you do something in a dash, you do it fast,” I said, tilting my head to look up at her.
“Fine,” Scootaloo said, flicking her wings. “But… Oh! I’ve got it. Fluttershy, sure she’s shy, but her name doesn’t have anything to do with taking care of animals. And, Pinkie Pie’s name doesn’t relate to parties. I suppose you could argue that Rarity’s name kind of relates to fashion, but really, her name could apply to anything that’s… well, you know, rare.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding my head and admitting her point. “So her talent doesn’t have to be about apples, but names usually describe something about the pony, right?”
“Sure,” Scootaloo said, finishing her shake. How did she finish her shake before me? Sure, maybe I was trying to savor it and make it last, but still, I wasn’t being that slow. “I don’t think anypony can argue that.”
“So… Okay, what does her name describe about her? The fact that her family’s really into apples? That doesn’t make much sense though, because… our names describe us, not our family. Even if family is important to her, her name shouldn’t just relate to them, right?” I said, before taking several big gulps of milkshake to try to keep up with Scootaloo. The resulting brainfreeze wasn’t worth it… like, at all.
“You alright, Sweetie?” Scootaloo asked as the icepick lodged in my brain melted. I gave her a nod as I sat back up. “Alright,” she said after another long pause. “Well… I guess I get your point, but I don’t think we should assume her special talent is about apples just because the word’s in her name. You see how good she is at potion making. If that’s what she wants to do instead of growing apples, then I say we let her.”
“Alright,” I mumbled, giving the treacherous brainfreeze-causing milkshake a glare. “But we’re Crusaders, we should be helping her get her cutie mark, so…” I paused to think as the last traces of my brainfreeze melted. “We… assume – that’s the word I’m looking for, right?”
Scootaloo nodded. “Should be, depends on how it’s used though,” she said, idly pushing her straw around the empty glass.”
“Right, we assume she’s going to get a potion-making cutie mark, and then figure out… you know, what’s holding her back. It can be like one of those mystery novels Twilight likes reading so much.”
“Ooh, I love mysteries!” Pinkie yelled, hopping out from nowhere. “I even have hats you can borrow.” She pulled a deerstalker cap and bowler hat out from somewhere and set it down on the table. “Who wants to be the great detective and who wants to be the bumbling sidekick?”
“I want to be whichever pony gets to wear the bowler hat,” I squeaked, my eyes firmly fixed on the black hat.
“Bumbling sidekick it is,” Pinkie said, lifting the round hat up and flipping it onto my head. It landed perfectly on my head, and even had a cute tilt to it. At least, I think it did; I’d have to check in the mirror to make sure, but it definitely felt right on my head. Even if I had to be the bumbling sidekick, it was still a really nice hat. Scootaloo grabbed her deerstalker and put it on, making sure the ear flaps were pinned up.
“Looks good,” Pinkie said, looking between us. “It just needs one little thing to be perfect.” Before we could ask what it was, she pulled a hoof-sized wooden object out of the air and put it next to Scootaloo. “Bubble pipe, for when you have to do all your heavy deducing.” She giggled. “Deducing. Heh. That’s a funny word.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna pass, if that’s okay. Don’t really feel like carrying a toy around in my mouth all day. I might need it for something else, like talking.”
“I’ll take it,” I said before Pinkie could put it back wherever she spawned it, I grabbed the wooden pipe with my magic and bit the tip of it. “How do I look, Scootaloo?”
She smirked. “Fine, kind of funny, but not bad funny, more like… Maybe you should take a picture of yourself and show it to Diamond Tiara.”
“Are you trying to say I look cute?” I asked, flashing her a tiny smile that didn’t risk my pipe falling.
“I’m saying we should get going… can we please get going?” she said, looking between me and Pinkie.
“Sure,” I said, floating the pipe out of my mouth and finishing my shake. “Pinkie, do you have a mirror I can use?”
She nodded and pulled a tiny mirror out of her mane, turning it so I could look at myself. My makeup was still completely ruined from my earlier crying session – I’d have to fix that later – but the hat looked fine. It would look even better if I tilted it a smidge more to the right, though. My horn lit up with light-green almost-white magic as I made the necessary adjustment. “Perfect,” I said, giving my reflection a tiny nod of approval. Plus, my crying had washed all my eyeshadow off, so at least it didn’t look all streaky and raccoon-ey. That was a huge plus. “Hey, Scootaloo, do you think we can stop by Rarity’s so I can reapply my makeup?” I asked, looking from my reflection to my friend.
“Will it take less than ten minutes?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head. “Then no.”
“Fine,” I said, giving her my best pout. It didn’t seem to change her opinion. “But… since we’re going to be doing the whole mystery thing, do you think we can…”
“No,” she said before I could finish the thought.
“Please?”
She shook her head.
“Pleeeaaaaseee?”
“Alright,” she said with a sigh. “But I’m only gonna do this once, so we better make it a good one.”
I gave her a huge smile as the two of us simultaneously jumped into the air. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS! YAY!”
“Ooh!” I said as the two of us landed back on the ground. “Do you think we can drop Melody’s candy off at her dorm before we start investigating?”
Scootaloo just sighed.
***
I knocked on Melody’s door and heard somepony moving around. The door opened to reveal a weirdly-familiar orange pegasus with a red, flowing mane and a golden smiling mask for a cutie mark. She looked at me and smirked. “Nice hat.”
“You’re not Melody,” I said in confusion, looking at her and ignoring her compliment. It was a nice hat though. Maybe I could talk with Rarity and see if bowler hats were supposed to be in this season.
She rolled her brown-red eyes. “No, and hello to you too, Sweetie Belle.”
“Wait, how do you know my name?” I asked as she continued blocking the path into the room. Wasn’t she going to invite me in?
Melody’s roommate raised an eyebrow. “Really?” she asked. “We’ve been in the same class for two months and you don’t recognize me?” She sighed. “I suppose I’m not too surprised considering all the time you spend sitting in the corner staring at your marefriend.”
I paused as I finally figured out how I knew her. “Oh! I know you, you’re the Las Pegasus pegasus… D-something, right? Daring? Daisy? Dain–”
“Dazzler,” she said, interrupting me. “My name’s Dazzler.”
“Right,” I said, nodding my head and forming a mn– a device to remember. “Dazzler, you’re from Las Pegasus, so you’re dazzling like a showmare.”
She scoffed. “Not likely, I’d rather die than dance in a chorus line,” she said, her voice tinged with anger. “Anyways, I’ll try to hurry Melody out of the bath. She’s been in there too long, anyways.” Dazzler shook her head. “Whatever she did with you today must’ve been exhausting because she’s been bathing since she got back.” She looked back at me as she headed towards the bathroom door. “What’s in the bag, anyways?”
“Nightmare Night candy,” I said, looking at the bag floating next to me. “Melody left hers at the clubhouse today, so I’m bringing it back for her. Is it okay if I come in?”
“Fine,” she said as she trotted over to the bathroom door. “You can sit on her side of the room.” She pointed a hoof to the side of the room opposite her. Both sides of the room were pretty neat, but Melody’s side was covered in half-penned sheet music and classic novels, while Dazzler’s didn’t have any loose papers or books on it at all.
Dazzler knocked on the door. “Sweetie Belle’s here for you,” she said before turning back to look at me. “I suppose I should ask if you want something to drink. We have water and… we have water.”
“I’m fine,” I said, flashing her my friendliest smile I could. My stomach told me she needed a friend. It also told me I needed another milkshake, but that wasn’t important right now. “So! Dazzler, why haven’t we hung out before? We both like acting, right? Or, at least we share a class, and if you’re Melody’s roommate, I’m sure we can have you join the Crusaders. Do you have any friends here yet?”
“I do,” she said as she took a seat at her desk. “Plenty of friends. I’m not looking for more. That should answer your first question.”
“Come on,” I said, frowning. “Who doesn’t want more friends? I just had two friends when the semester started, but now I have six, and I’d totally be fine with making it seven.”
“I’ll pass,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Sweetie, I’m sure you’re a perfectly fine mare, and I bet the rest of your friends enjoy your incessant unending enthusiasm, but it annoys me.” She gave me a critical glare and nodded.
“But why?” I asked. “I’m really good at cheering up ponies, and I’m a great friend, just ask Melody. Come on, let me at least try to cheer you up.”
Dazzler rolled her eyes. “Doubtful. Sweetie, do you see my cutie mark? It’s an image of… Nevermind, you probably don’t know who that is. It’s the comedy mask. My special talent is making ponies laugh. I don’t need somepony to cheer me up.”
“Really?” I asked, tilting my head. “Because you’ve done nothing but frown since I got here. Come on, let me cheer you up.”
She took a deep breath like Twilight does when she’s trying to calm herself. “No. I’m going to have to decline the offer. If you could just… sit in silence until your friend finishes her bath, I’d be appreciative.”
“Come on,” I said, gesturing dramatically with one hoof. “What can I do to get you to like me?”
Dazzler’s eye twitched. “I suppose that if you really wanted me to like you, you could…”
“Yes?” I asked, enthusiasm creeping into my voice.
“Fundamentally change everything about yourself.”
“What?” I felt like I’d been hit with a sledgehammer. And then hit with another sledgehammer. And another. Then a few more for good measure. She didn’t like anything about me? How could that even be possible?
“You really want to know?” Dazzler asked, narrowing her eyes at me? “Fine, let’s run down the list, shall we? First of all, you’re a burden in acting class. Sure, you’ve improved substantially over the last two months, but that doesn’t change the fact that you shouldn’t be there. Mr. Marelon had it right when he said you’re only here because the school’s providing free education to Ponyville residents, and now your special talent is apparently singing – which, correct me if I’m wrong, doesn’t relate to acting in the slightest.”
“It could… Maybe if I did a musical,” I squeaked out as she took a breath.
“Then, there’s the fact that you replaced our actually competent teacher with a mare who spends most of her time talking about mythological creatures instead of acting, because you didn’t like him, and you’re friends with the Headmistress. My talent lies in moving the hearts and minds of other ponies, and you getting Mr. Marelon fired is keeping me from improving.”
“But Mr. Marelon was a jerk. He made pretty much everypony in class cry,” I said, feeling my eyes water as she mentioned a name I was trying to forget.
“Yes, he was a jerk, but I didn’t come here because I wanted to make friends, I came here because I wanted to learn,” Dazzler said, glaring at me. “I wanted to learn how to act better, and Mr. Marelon was wonderful at that. Also! He didn’t make everypony in class cry, just you and your marefriend; the two ponies who had absolutely no reason to be in his class. Now, everypony in that class is worse off because of you.
“Beyond that… let’s see, I spent the last two months listening to Melody pine for you whenever we talked, while you seemed completely oblivious to her infatuation, you’re completely oblivious to the feelings of those around you, you’re annoyingly upbeat, you expect everypony to like you, you’re frivolous, and your hat is idiot–” She stopped talking as the bathroom door opened, a smile quickly forming on her face.
“Melody, your friend is as nice as you described her. It’s amazing we never talked in our acting class, isn’t it, Sweetie?” She flashed me a smile as I stared at her in shock. How could she go from so mean to happy so fast? Not even Diamond Tiara at her worst was that good.
I nodded in Dazzler’s general direction. “Uh-huh,” I said, still trying to figure out what happened.
“Well, I really should give you the two of you some privacy,” she said, getting up on her hooves and trotting to the door before flashing us another smile. “I’ll see you both later.”
The door closed, leaving Melody and me alone. “So…” I said, looking at Melody, who was still soaked from her bath. She looked cute wet. “Is she normally like that?”
Melody nodded. “Mostly. It took her a while to warm up to me, but once she did… She’s pretty much the only friend I have in Ponyville besides you girls.” She smiled at me. “It means a lot to me that the two of you get along.”
I gave her a tiny little smile. “Yeah… it’s great. You know me, we’ll probably be best friends any day now, I just... “
She smiled and kissed my cheek. “I’m so glad to hear it and– Oh, I’m sorry, was it… was it presumptuous of me to kiss you then? I’m just… I’m so happy to hear you’re getting along.”
“Yep, it’s great,” I said, doing everything I could not to cry and laughing nervously at my… What would the term be? Does marefriend work when you’re dating multiple mares? Should I even be thinking of her like that since we’re not actually dating yet? Sure, Diamond Tiara and us would probably work something out, but was me being pre… presumptuous bad? Would it just make things worse for the three of us?
Melody smiled at me. “I… I like your hat. Is there any story behind it?”
I nodded at her. “There is! Scootaloo and I are going to try to figure out why Apple Bloom doesn’t have her cutie mark yet, and I’m playing the part of the bumbling assistant. You want in? I mean… we don’t have any more hats, but I’m sure we can figure out something for you. I know! You can be the mysterious girl whose agenda is a mystery. Is she a friend or an enemy? Of course, she’s usually a love interest for the dashing detective, not the bumbling assistant.”
“Oh… Uhmm… Actually, the idea of Watson being a bumbling assistant – Sherlock Pones is what you’re referencing, right? – is something of a modern invention. In the original stories, he’s portrayed as a competent foil to Sherlock. While he doesn’t have Sherlock’s deductive abilities, he’s still a trained army doctor with more general knowledge than Sherlock, and actual social skills,” Melody said, glancing to one of the books on her desk. “So… you shouldn’t be that bumbling. Also, Watson managed to have a healthy relationship, so that’s another point for you.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling at her and resisting the urge to kiss her neck. We shouldn’t do that until after our talk tomorrow. “Anyways, I just wanted to give you your candy. You left it back at the clubhouse, and…” I stopped as I saw one of the candy bars in her bag. “Ooh! Is there any chance I can have a piece? You know, as a thank you for bringing you your candy?”
“Have you had anything that wasn’t just pure sugar today?” she asked, frowning at me.
“Does a milkshake count?” I asked, giving her a hopeful smile.
She shook her head. “I’ll bring a spare candy bar to our meeting tomorrow, alright?”
“Fine,” I said, hopping up onto my hooves. “I should probably get back to the scooter before Scootaloo leaves me. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”
Melody nodded at me as I walked out the door.
***
A few minutes later, I was sitting in the back of Scootaloo’s wagon. “Did you have to take so long? How long does it take to drop off a bag of candy?”
“Sorry,” I said, holding onto my hat as Scootaloo started pushing her scooter. “I had to wait for Melody to get out of the bathtub, and… Her roommate is really nasty. Or, she is to me.”
“So, where is she on a scale of one to Diamond Tiara?” Scootaloo asked as we raced through the streets of Ponyville.
“Could you maybe not use my marefriend’s name as the bad side of your bullying scale?” I asked as the wind whipped around us.
“Sorry,” Scootaloo said. “Old habit. Anyways, how bad is she?”
Scootaloo took a tight turn around a street corner sending me holding on to the wagon and my hat for dear life. “I don’t know!” I said after we straightened out. “Melody thinks she’s really nice, but her roommate, Dazzler, just doesn’t like me, and… she kind of has a good reason for it.”
A pony leapt out of Scootaloo’s way. “What do you mean? I can’t think of anypony having a good reason to dislike you. Even my reasons for disliking you were kind of…”
“Dumb?” I filled in, pushing myself tight against the bottom of the wagon.
“Yeah,” she said. “So why doesn’t she like you?”
I tried to think of everything she said. “Well, I got Mr. Marelon fired, and I kind of get her problem with that, since Lyra really isn’t the best acting teacher.”
“So what?!” Scootaloo yelled over the wind. “He was a jerk. If you hadn’t gotten him fired, he would have just made the semester miserable for you.”
“Yeah, but she would have learned something about acting, and… maybe I should have just quit the class. Now everypony’s worse off because I had a fight with a teacher,” I said as we reached Ponyville’s outskirts.
“Don’t be like that. You and Tiara had a problem, mentioned it to Octavia, and she fired him. Totally not your fault. Is there any other reason this mare doesn’t like you?” Scootaloo said as we raced down the dirt road leading to Sweet Apple Acres.
“Yeah, she thinks I’m… frivolous, dense, and naive. I think there were some other ones like… Would being too silly count as frivolous?”
Instead of saying anything, Scootaloo made a hard break, almost sending me tumbling out of the wagon. “Sorry,” she said, looking back at me. “I just want to make one thing totally clear, alright, Sweetie?”
I nodded at her.
“You’re fine. Maybe… you might be a little naive, and I can kinda see her point, but I like your silliness and your innocence, and if she doesn’t like that about you, that’s her fault, not yours. I don’t want to see you change everything about yourself just to make her happy, alright?”
“Alright,” I said, nodding at her and readjusting my hat. “Uhmm… thanks for telling me that. It’s nice having you support me again.”
She laughed and flapped her wings, sending us forward again. “It’s good to support you again. Definitely better than being upset with everyone and myself all the time.”
“If you ever want to talk about it, just let me know, alright?” I said as we moved through the trees. “I’m a really good listener. At least, I think I am.”
“You are. You’re great, Sweetie, don’t ever doubt it, and if she doesn’t like you, that’s her problem. Got it?”
“Got it,” I yelled, ducking under a tree branch that very nearly took my hat off. “Do you think we can go a bit slower?”
Instead of just slowing down, we came to an immediate halt, sending me tumbling out of the wagon. “Ow,” I said as I landed on my flank.
“Sorry,” she said turning to look at me and flashing a smile. “Guess I didn’t get a cutie mark for braking.”
“I don’t know,” I said as I got up on my hooves. “I think you did a good job breaking my flank.”
“Very funny,” she said as we trotted to the Apple family’s house. “But you are okay, right? We don’t need to go to the doctor’s?”
“I’m fine,” I said, adjusting my hat, floating the pipe over to me, and slipping into my best Trottingham accent. “Ready, Pones?”
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to use that accent the entire time we’re here,” she said, looking at me and rolling her eyes.
“Indubitably, old sport, when on the case, it’s absolutely important you approach it with the right mindset. The proper Trotting’am accent energizes the mind’s natural deductive abilities.”
“How do you even… I didn’t think you even knew half those words,” Scootaloo said, looking at me like I’d sprouted a second horn.
“It’s the power of the accent, good mare. My deductive abilities have never been keener, now come on, the game’s afoot,” I said, puffing on my pipe and trotting off towards the house’s door.
Scootaloo followed along behind me and muttered. “I thought I was supposed to be the great detective.”
“And you are,” I said, looking back at her and blowing a bubble from my pipe. “I’m simply your ‘umble ‘ypercompetent sidekick. When I was visitin’ me love, she told me ‘ow cool Watson originally was, and I t’ought I’d channel that for our investigation.”
“Please just let me do the talking,” Scootaloo said as I knocked on the door. “I’d hate for my hypercompetent sidekick to overtax herself.”
“But Watson’s supposed to be the one ‘oo has all the social graces. Pones is just good for all the thinky stuff,” I said as we waited for the door to open up. “Mels said you were just good at doing all the deducing while Watson was good at everything else.”
“But I’m not Pones, and you’re not Watson,” she said.
“No,” I said, taking another puff on my pipe, “but we are playing the parts, and it’s important we strive to embody every aspect of our character.”
Scootaloo groaned. “Sweetie, you’re really making me regret th–” She stopped as the door creaked open and shoved a hoof in my mouth. “Hey, Applejack,” she said, looking up at the orange earth pony. “Is Apple Bloom here?”
“She’s out in the barn with Life Bloom,” Applejack said, looking from the barn to me. “What exactly’s goin’ on with Sweetie?”
“We’re trying to help Apple Bloom get her cutie mark and figure out why she hasn’t gotten it yet, even though she’s great at potion stuff, so Sweetie decided we should do an investigation and won’t stop speaking in a Trottingham accent. Your guess to why is as good as mine.”
“Wait a second,” Applejack said, narrowing her eyes. “You ain’t just gonna tell her, are you? She has to discover that for herself.”
“I know,” Scootaloo said, while I tried to spit out her hoof. I needed to say something,, but I couldn’t with a hoof in my mouth. “But she’s great at potion making, so… why doesn’t she have a cutie mark yet?”
“Ah’ve been thinkin’ the same thing,” Applejack said, suspicion leaving her face. “If ya wanna go help mah sister, Ah ain’t gonna stop ya, just don’t go tellin’ her what her problem is. Just… give her a hint, alright?”
“Sure,” Scootaloo said when an idea entered my head. Instead of trying to spit out her hoof, I started sucking on it, gently tickling it with my tongue as I traced the edge of her hoof.
“Sweetie! What the hay!” Scootaloo yelled, pulling her hoof out of my mouth as quickly as she could. Ha! I did it.
“Please don’t let Apple Bloom leave us,” I said, momentarily forgetting my accent. “I mean… we’d be terribly distraught if our compatriot stopped her interaction with us.”
“What’s she talkin’ about?” Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow before turning to look at me. “Could you try to say what’s on your mind without the silly accent?” Like she could talk about silly accents. I’d heard Big Macintosh speak and he spoke Equestrian just fine. Everypony in their family had different accents.
“Well, it’s just her abandoning friends with cutie marks has a historical precedent vis-a-vis Twist,” I said, trying to figure out the Trottingham way of saying “Apple Bloom left Twist when Twist got her cutie mark, and I don’t want her to do the same with us.”
“Alright,” Applejack said, her expression softening. “First of all, Ah may not be that big on speakin’ fancy, but even Ah know them words shouldn’t be there. Second of all, Apple Bloom ain’t gonna leave ya just ‘cause she got her cutie mark.”
“But she did with Twi–” I tried to say before Applejack interrupted me. Were we back to doing that now?
“Ah know what she did with Twist, but listen to me, she never cared about Twist half as much as she does about you girls. There’s a whole bunch Ah don’t want to get into, but Ah’ll say this, did ya see Twist standin’ up for Apple Bloom at Tiara’s cuteceañera party? No, ya sure didn’t. When Apple Bloom needed ‘er the most, Twist was nowhere to be found. Instead, she got you two, and I don’t think she could be any happier ‘bout that trade.”
“So… she’s not going to abandon us?” I asked, so thrilled by the news that I kind of forgot my accent. What? It’s really hard to keep talking in an accent all the time.
“Ah don’t see it happenin’, and if she does, Ah’ll tan her hide. Now, you girls go have fun investigatin’, and if ya find anything out, let me know, alright?”
“Don’t worry, m’lady,” I said, giving a dramatic flourish. “Scoots and Belle are on the case, and we’ll get to the bottom of this perfidious mystery faster than you can say perfidious.” Which, by the way, is a really tough word to say, so we probably had plenty of time to solve it.
Applejack and Scootaloo just sighed.
***
“Hey, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said as we trotted over to the barn. “Do you have any idea what perfidious means?”
I shook my head. “Not a bit. Why? Did I use it wrong?”
“I don’t know,” she said as we reached the barn. “I didn’t even know the word existed until just a few seconds ago. I’m just surprised that–”
“That I used a word you didn’t know?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “It’s not like I’m dumb… I mean… I’m not as smart as you or Apple Bloom… or Melody… Definitely not as smart as Life Bloom or Socket… or… Okay, I’m probably the dumbest pony in the group, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know things. I come across a lot of words reading Rarity’s romances, and I can remember some of them. Plus, Headmistress Octavia’s class does a lot of vocabulary building stuff.”
“Fair enough, I guess,” Scootaloo said as we reached the barn. “And thanks for dropping the stupid accent.”
Oh shoot! I’d almost forgotten my accent thing. “Thanks for reminding me, guv’nah,” I said, giving Scootaloo a bow and eliciting another sigh before she knocked on the door.
“Leave us alone,” Apple Bloom yelled. “We’re doin’ some delicate potion work, and I can’t have ponies disturbin’ us… We’re at a very delicate stage.”
“Oh, come on,” Scootaloo said, pulling on the barn door. “We’re not going to bug you, we just wanted to help you out.” She opened the door to reveal Apple Bloom and Life Bloom, cheeks red, moving between staring at us, each other, and the potion brewing behind them. “‘Delicate,’ eh?” Scootaloo laughed, raising an eyebrow. “Sure looks delicate to me.”
“Yeah,” I said, bouncing over to the golden potion sitting on top of a burner sitting on top of a metal table. “What are you making?” Accent. “I mean… What’ve we got in the oven… burner?”
“Do I really need to explain why Sweetie’s doing the accent thing?” Scootaloo asked as she shut the door. The rest of my friends just shook their heads.
“It’s almost certainly for some inane frivolous reason that I’d prefer not to understand,” Life Bloom said. I turned to look at her and frowned. Did the rest of my friends think I was… frivolous? Was Scootaloo just trying to be nice to me? Was I too dumb and silly?
“Anyways,” Scootaloo said, quickly changing the topic. “We just came by to see how you were doing, Apple Bloom…. Uhmm… you alright?”
“Sure,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I be fine? All my friends have their cutie marks… Everypony has their cutie marks except me. I’m just… great.”
“You’re not the only pony in town without a cutie mark, there’s still Pound Cake, Carrot Cake, Pip–”
Apple Bloom growled. “I’m the oldest pony in town to not have a cutie mark by several years. But you’re right, there are tons of foals who still don’t have a cutie mark.” Something told me my attempt to help Apple Bloom feel better didn’t help her feel better… like, at all. Was I too dense? I should have realized comparing Apple Bloom to foals would have just hurt her, so why didn’t I?
“Well, don’t worry,” Scootaloo said. “We’re here to figure out why you don’t have your cutie mark… Sweetie Belle thought–”
“Nope,” I said, quickly taking off my bowler hat and bubble pipe. “I… didn’t think anything. I mean, I did think, but I just… obviously, us dressing up for our investigation would be silly.”
“Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, looking at me, “you’re letting Melody’s roommate get to you. Remember what I said, we like you the way you are.”
“But Life Bloom just called me frivolous,” I said, pouting and pointing a hoof at Life Bloom. “She thinks I’m–”
“Allow me to stop you there,” Life Bloom said. “I think you’re a wonderful friend, who’s kind, compassionate, and always willing to cheer others up. Yes, you have moments of… rather extreme silliness, but I tend to find them rather endearing. If I had known that describing one of your actions as frivolous would be upsetting to you, I would have found a softer word.”
I frowned and nodded my head. “So… you all don’t secretly hate me?” I asked, putting the hat back on.”
“Course not,” Apple Bloom said. “We love you, Sweetie Belle, and if somepony doesn’t like something about you, that’s their problem.”
“But... “ I frowned. “Life Bloom just called me frivolous.”
Life Bloom sighed and pinched her nose. “No, I said something you did was frivolous and silly. There’s a difference. I’m not going to say you’re perfect or that you can’t improve yourself, there’s always room for improvement, but I don’t think any core aspect of yourself is bad. You’re just occasionally a bit too silly for my tastes.”
“Alright,” I said, making sure my hat was properly adjusted before slipping back into my accent. “Then let’s get to investigatin’, shall we?”
“And just what are you gonna be investigatin’?” Apple Bloom asked, trotting over to tend to her potion.
“We’re going to figure out what’s keeping you from getting your cutie mark,” Scootaloo said while I puffed on my pipe.
“Well, join the club,” Apple Bloom said, adding some powder thingy to her potion. “I’ve been tryin’ to figure out why I don’t have my cutie mark since I made that potion for Sweetie. I did somethin’ that’s… super difficult, right?” She glanced at Life Bloom for support.
“My research turned up no other cases of a foresight potion that left the user sane,” she said, giving a reassuring smile to Apple Bloom. “I still think we should try making the potion again. To be able to see the future and come back unscathed would be incredible. Think of all the marvelous things we could learn.”
“I know,” Apple Bloom said, “but if I get it wrong, I could drive somepony insane. I don’t wanna be responsible for that, especially if it’s one of my friends.” She glanced at me. “I don’t know what I’d’ve done if the potion hurt Sweetie.”
“Alright,” Life Bloom said, “I’m not going to force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, even if I think the upside outweighs any potential downside, but I also understand your desire to protect your friends… Although I might have a solution.”
“What’s that?” Apple Bloom asked as she turned the burner off.
“Brew up a memory potion. If our potion doesn’t have the desired effects, we give the memory potion to the test subject and wipe away their memories of the incident. We manage to minimize the risk while still managing to test the potion.”
“I guess that could work,” Apple Bloom said slowly. “I’m still not going to test on anypony unless they know the risks though.”
“Of course,” Life Bloom said, nodding her head. “I would expect nothing less.” She turned back to look at Scootaloo and me. “Now how are you expecting to help Apple Bloom get her cutie mark, besides just… investigating.”
“Well, we figured that Apple Bloom’s talent is potion making, and obviously, she’s already great at it, but…” Scootaloo said, trailing off.
“Scootaloo and I both had to realize something important about ourselves before we could get our cutie mark, so I thought maybe if we figured out what Apple Bloom needed to realize, we could help her get her cutie mark,” I said, filling in the rest for her and completely forgetting my accent. Shoot, accents are hard.
“An interesting idea, but… if somepony told you your epiphany, would it have carried the same weight for you when you finally realized it?” Life Bloom asked, tilting her head.
“No,” Scootaloo and I both mumbled. “But we weren’t going to tell her,” I said, lifting my head up to look at Apple Bloom. “We just wanted to help you realize the epiphany, we weren’t going to tell her what the thing she needed to realize was.”
Life Bloom rubbed her forehead. “Perhaps you could start helping her by telling her your epiphanies, to give her an idea of what she’ll need to realize. Does that sound agreeable to you, Bloomi– Apple Bloom?”
“Sure,” she said. “I heard what Sweetie did to get her cutie mark, but I don’t remember her talking much about any epiphany, and we haven’t had the chance to talk about Scootaloo’s cutie mark yet.”
“Alright,” I said, nodding my head and looking at Scootaloo. “Can I go first?”
Scootaloo nodded.
“So, you know I got my cutie mark for doing that big show for you back in the time loop, which by the way, I’m really sorry you can’t remember it, it was great. Anyways, I didn’t get it just for performing, I got it for realizing my singing was special and that I could use it to make ponies happy. I don’t think I would’ve gotten my cutie mark if I didn’t have that epiphany,” I said, recalling the day I got my cutie mark.
“You wouldn’t have,” Life Bloom said, confirming my theory. “The epiphany is the key to getting a cutie mark. Demonstration is only necessary when the subject is discovering a hidden talent.”
I nodded, trying to see if I understood her. “So… if Apple Bloom discovered her talent was tap dancing, she’d have to do something to show she was good at it, but since she’s already really good at potion making–”
“Then the epiphany will suffice.”
“Alright, Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom said, turning to look at her. “So what was your epiphany?”
“It wasn’t anywhere near as fun as Sweetie Belle’s,” she said, smiling at me. “I had to accept that I couldn’t fly, but I also had to realize that that was okay because I’m great at a lot of things. I think the key was realizing I’m better than Rainbow Dash at scootering. My double last night helped me figure that out. Hey! How did you deal with your double, anyways? I never got to see how you and LB dealt with them.”
Apple Bloom laughed while Life Bloom winced at the nickname. “Actually, it’s kind of funny because… I didn’t deal with mine. My double wouldn’t stop yelling at me about how terrible I was for wanting to leave my family behind, so… Life Bloom kind of punched her, said she wouldn’t let anypony talk to me like that, and then… well, I think that’s about the time you showed up.”
“So… what happened to your double then?” I asked. I guess punching your doubles was one solution to the problem, probably not the best one, though.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t see her again after Life Bloom punched her. I’m guessing she just ran off. I’m more curious about why Life Bloom’s double disappeared.”
“I’m quickly developing a theory as to why that happened, but first, I have a question for Scootaloo and Sweetie. What made your doubles disappear?”
“We accepted whatever part of us they represented. Sweetie accepted that it’s okay for her to be selfish sometimes, and I accepted my awesomeness.” At that part, she struck a pose that… yeah, it looked pretty cool. “I think Sweetie got the bad end of that deal.”
“I see,” Life Bloom said, nodding. “And in lashing out to defend Apple Bloom’s honor, I engaged in the impulsive romantic behavior my other self embodied…” She frowned. “I fear I did you a disservice then, Apple Bloom.”
“It’s fine,” Apple Bloom said. “I don’t know what I could’ve done with my double, anyways. Am I just supposed to give up on my potion making to make my family happy?”
“I don’t think that would make them happy,” I said, reaching out to tap the potion with one hoof in idle curiosity. “They just want you to be happy, and if potion making makes you happy, I’m sure they’ll support you. They were okay with your sister moving to Manehattan, right?”
“Yeah,” she said, looking from me to the potion. “And don’t touch that. It’s… very volatile.”
“What’s it do?” I asked, pulling my hoof away from the potion, and keeping a cautious eye on it.
“It’s a restorative elixir. Granny’s hip’s been pretty bad lately, so I thought… a potion that could undo some of the effects of aging… You know, it won’t make her live much longer, but it will make her feel better, if that makes sense. It’s really hard to make right, so I thought if I could do it…”
I frowned in thought. “So… is that your plan? Make the age potion for Granny Smith? Won’t that just…” I stopped speaking as Scootalo trotted over and elbowed me. “What?” I whispered in Scootaloo’s ear.
“Let her do this for herself, I think she’s got it figured out,” she whispered back to me while Apple Bloom glanced from us to Life Bloom, who was giving me the same look Scootaloo was. I tried to think about what I could do. What I could do to not be so naive and dense. Ooh! I could help without spoiling Apple Bloom’s epiphany.
“Uhmm… we need to go,” I said, looking back at Apple Bloom as she checked the temperature of the potion. “Good luck with your potion for Granny Smith, and… will you test it out before you give it to her?”
Life Bloom nodded. “Of course, we’re not going to dose a pony with a potion that’s effects are untested.” I raised an eyebrow at her, causing her to look briefly at the floor. “Unless they volunteer for such an honor of course. Besides, the possible side effects of an improperly-brewed intelligence potion are nothing compared to the possible side effects of an improperly-brewed age potion.”
“Alright,” I said, dragging Scootaloo to the door with me. “Well, we’ll uhmm… See you tomorrow, right, Scootaloo?”
My friend nodded as we trotted out the barn door and slammed it shut. “Okay, what are you planning, and please tell me it’s less crazy than talking in the worst accent ever.”
“You’ll see,” I said as I knocked on the door to Applejack’s house. “If I tell you now, it won’t be a surprise when I tell Applejack.”
Scootaloo sighed. “Ugh, you’re starting to sound like Pinkie Pie,” she said as the door opened.
“Hey, Applejack,” I said as the door opened. “We figured it out. At least, I think we did. Apple Bloom’s really worried because she’s afraid if she does her potion stuff, she won’t be able to help you do farm stuff, and she doesn’t want to abandon her family. Maybe… I don’t know, have her make some potions to help the farm out. She knows one potion that can make apples grow to be completely huge. I bet that could be helpful.”
Applejack slowly nodded at me. “Ah reckon that’s a mighty good idea, Sweetie Belle. Anything else Ah should know about?”
I shook my head before remembering the potion. “Oh! Apple Bloom’s also making a potion that could possibly make Granny Smith feel younger, but she wants to test it first.”
“Test it? On what?” Applejack asked, her eyes briefly going wide with worry. “Well, Ah can deal with that later. Thanks for helpin’ me out, Sweetie.”
“Yeah,” Scootaloo said, smiling. “For being the bumbling sidekick, you made a pretty good great detective. Maybe next time you can wear my hat?”
“No thanks,” I said, giving Applejack a brief farewell wave. “I like this bowler hat way more.”
“So,” Scootaloo said as Applejack shut the door and we headed back towards her scooter, “what now?”
I yawned. “I think I’m going to bed. It’s been a long day, and I have to get ready for my relationship talk tomorrow and…” There was another yawn. “I’m kind of hitting a second sugar crash.” I glanced at the sun, barely an inch from the horizon. “Yeah, bed definitely sounds good.”
“But it’s still so early,” Scootaloo said. “We can go out and…”
“Scootaloo, I’m tired. We’ve done a lot today, I have to talk with Diamond Tiara and Melody tomorrow, and I want to be rested for it. I promise we can hang out tomorrow, just… I need sleep.”
“Fine,” she said as I hopped into her wagon. “Home it is.”
***
“Hey, Rarity,” I said, opening the door to the boutique. “I’m back.”
“Wonderful,” my sister said, calling to me from the kitchen. “You have some guests waiting for you.”
I groaned. I really just needed some sleep. Breaking several physical laws thanks to a sugar high really tires you out. Like, a lot. “Who is it? And can you tell them I’m tired?”
“It’s your marefriends, and if you want them to leave, you can tell them yourself,” she said as I trotted to the kitchen. That’s… Well, I guess I could put off sleeping for a little while longer. Especially since…
“Did you say marefriends with an ‘s’?” I asked as I entered the kitchen and saw Diamond Tiara and Melody sitting next to each other at the breakfast table.
Rarity nodded as they looked at me. “She did,” Diamond Tiara said, looking at me. “When I saw your candy, I got to thinking and… Well, Melody and I had a talk.”
“Ooh! What about?” I asked, sitting next to my marefriends. Did that mean everything was good? Ooh! Could we both be dating now? Was this going to be the best day ev–
“You know what about,” Tiara said, looking at me and raising an eyebrow. Right, Sweetie, don’t be so dense and naive. Still… Hopefully it was good news, right?
“Okay,” I said, looking from Tiara and Melody to the table. “So what did you decide on?”
“And that,” Rarity said, getting up on her hooves, “would be my cue to leave. I will be right outside if you need anything at all, so just yell and I’ll be right in.” She gave me a smile as she left the room with a tiny touch of don’t do anything stupid in her eyes as she walked out of the room.
“So…” I said, trying to think of something to say before Tiara spoke up.
“It’s fine, Sweetie Belle,” she said, smiling at me. “While I’m still not… thrilled about the idea of sharing you with anypony, if… if you talk things through with me first and don’t just date everypony you see, I think we can work something out.” Tiara frowned before looking at Melody. “Besides, your other marefriend… she’s sweet. We had a good talk in her dorm today, she understood my concerns, and was very… kind. I think I can deal with you dating her at least, and that’s a start.”
“Really?” I asked, ears perking up. “So you two both are okay with dating me at the same time?” They both nodded. “And you two like each other?” More nods. “Ooh! Do you think the two of you could go on a–”
“We’ll see,” Melody said, smiling at me. “Right now, I’m just happy we reached an understanding and that I can…” She blushed. “I can date you.”
“Speaking of that,” I said, turning to Tiara and smiling, “what changed your mind?”
“You,” Tiara said, a soft smile forming on her face. “The candy you left at my doorstep. It… You thought about me enough to deliver the candy I left at the clubhouse, but respected my wishes enough to leave me alone. I guess I realized that no matter how many ponies you date, you’ll never stop caring about me and will do anything to make your friends happy. It would be…” She paused and frowned, an old look of cruelty briefly flickering across her face. “Selfish of me to keep a pony so good for myself. That’s something the old Tiara would do, right?” There was a note of doubt in her voice, almost like she didn’t believe what she was saying, but that couldn’t be right.
I smiled and kissed her before leaning over the table to kiss Melody. “Well, I think I’m lucky to have two marefriends who are so great, and now I can kiss the both of you without having to feel guilty, and we should definitely go out on a group date to celebrate soon.”
“Alright,” Melody said, “I’m not busy tonight, so if you want, we could–”
I shook my head, interrupting her, before giving her a tiny apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I’d love to go out with you girls, but…” I yawned. “I’ve had a really long day. You know, after I finished sorting out your candy, I spent the rest of the day riding around town with Scootaloo, and… If we go out tonight, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my eyes open.”
“That’s fine,” Tiara said. “I should probably get home and take care of some of my homework. There’s… a lot of it, and I haven’t gotten any done yet.”
“Have fun,” I said as the three of us headed towards the door. “Will you two be fine or should I walk you back?”
“We’re fine,” Melody said, trotting up next to tentatively kiss my neck. “You should get some rest, I’m sure you’re exhausted after your sugar high.”
“Oh dear,” Rarity said, frowning as we entered the boutique’s main room. “Please don’t tell me you had her do the sugar thing.”
“I’m sorry,” Melody mumbled. “I didn’t even know–”
Rarity sighed. “It’s perfectly fine, dear, of course neither of you would know, and I’m sure Sweetie didn’t care to explain what happens to her when she imbibes too much sugar. Sweetie, all that sugar can’t be good for you. I swear, I don’t know how you and Pinkie can do it.” I laughed, recalling Pinkie’s words about me representing laughter. Our love of sugar definitely didn’t make the idea less likely, and… Ooh, maybe I could get a shake on my date with Tiara and Melody.
“Sweetie,” Tiara said, tapping me on the nose. “You kind of zoned out.”
“Sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “I was just thinking about getting a shake on our date. Ooh! Maybe we could do it tonight.”
“Absolutely not,” Rarity said. “You’ve had more than enough sweets today, young filly. You’re going to get some sleep, and then tomorrow you’re eating nothing but salad.”
I groaned. “Do I have to?”
“Sweetie, don’t test me on this,” she said, frowning down at me as Tiara and Melody trotted to the door. “Now, say goodbye to your marefriends.”
“Fine,” I said, before turning to see my friends out. “I’ll talk with you girls later. If you two want, you can spend some time getting to know each other better, I’ll even pay you back if you want to have dinner together.”
“Maybe,” Tiara said as Melody opened the door. “What do you want to do?”
“I’d be fine just spending some time at your house talking,” Melody said. “Or, if you want, we could have a hayburger together. Not a date, just getting to know each other.”
They shut the door, leaving me to guess how it ended. “Sweetie, I understand you’re tired after the day you've had, but I just want to say something before you go to sleep: What you’re doing, dating multiple ponies, it’s very dangerous,” Rarity said, her lips creased into a frown.
I opened my mouth to say something, but she cut me off. “Not physically dangerous, but emotionally. It’s so easy for a polyamorous relationship to fail and fail spectacularly, and a part of me wants to forbid you from dating multiple ponies, but I know my word won’t stop you from doing something you want, so instead… a warning: If you want this to work, it’s of the utmost importance you prevent jealousy from entering the relationship. The moment it does, it will undermine and chip away at the health of your relationship until nothing’s left.”
“Alright,” I said as I headed up the stairs. “But I promise, everything will be fine. I mean, how can something so good and loving hurt somepony?”
Rarity just sighed and shook her head. “I hope you never have to learn the answer to that question, Sweetie, because it’s not one I can give.”