//------------------------------// // And now: Back to where we left off // Story: Of Owls and Hats // by Malcolm Merlyn //------------------------------// "So... are we under arrest? Are we... like... going to jail? A trial?" Scout scratched as he sat in the rather comfortable cellar that belonged to Canterlot castle. "Yeah... yeah... these beds are nice and squishy." "Trapped like a rat in a cage." Spy grumbled as he lit a cigarette. "If being here in a children's adventure was not humiliating enough, today, we are being help captive by talking pastel colored horses!" "Magical horses lad. Be careful of them." Demoman commented as he took a swig of scotch. "Those unicorns. Majestic ol' things. Me mother used to tell me about how they bring good luck. And that they can turn rainbows into candy! BLOODY CANDY!" "Magical horses or no magical horses, they cannot hold me! I am an American! I live under a nation of freedom! I went to go fight dictators! AND I WILL NOT BE DETAINED HERE..." When it was first discovered that the mercenaries could somehow pull weapons out of their pockets, Celestia had given up attempting to take their weapons from them. Much to the worry of many pony, was it questionable in any regards that these... humans... could somehow pull weapons that right out of their pockets? But the worries of the Canterlot guard was going to be far less than the worries of everything else when Soldier aimed his rocket launcher at the door. Despite the best attempt at attempting to dissuade the crazed patriot, the rocket hit home, sending lethal bits of rubble and shrapnel in all directions, much to the chagrin of many of the American's teammates who made a point of bludgeoning him on the head for his idiocy. That was enough for the lunatic to stop shooting at the door. Celestia had been smart enough to seal it with the strongest spell of the caliber, and even if everyone was to simultaneously fire at it, they'd probably do as much damage as throwing ping pong balls at it. "Hey... at least there's scrumpy down here!" Demoman announced as he found several barrels of rum. Dipping his head in, he found it to have the usual pleasant sugary taste with a hint of apples. "Ah.... that's the stuff!" "You are an embarrassment!" Spy facepalmed as the black Scottish cyclops went to his work of getting himself put on an hangover. "You fools! We should be thinking of means to escape! Not to be simply sitting around twiddling our thumbs!" "Hey spy, that'd be real sweet if we can get out of this rotten old cellar, but wanna tell me how? First off, our only way out is sealed, and unless you got some digging tools, I don't think we can get ourselves outside by using some rusty old spoons." "Engineers right. Looks like we'll just have to sit here and wait." Heavy sighed. "What say you doctor?" "Grah. Ve vait. Ve'll be fine after all." "How do you know those horses aren't planning to eat us?!" "Soldier. Horses don't eat meat." "Well whatever those things plan to do! I SURVIVED THE SECOND WORLD WAR. WE SURVIVED THE ROBOT INVASION. WE WILL NOT DIE BECOMES A BUNCH OF PANSY ASS HORSES DECIDED THEY WANTED TO KILL..." "Who said anything about killing?" The voice from the opened door called. "Alright, listen up you scoundrels, you're going to be put on trial. We'll decide what to do with you then." "Second time I've had to be on trial because of the incompetence of my teammates." Spy grumbled as the magic barrier surrounded them once more. "Let's see, eight charges for disturbing the peace, one charge of causing property damage to a public facility, one charge of... fowl theft? Umm... let's see what else, and potentially, over eight nine charges of poaching? Whatever. How do you all wish to plead?" The judge asked as she looked down upon the nine... things... locked behind the force-field. "I SAY WE'RE INNOCENT!" Scout screamed at the top of the lungs as the memories of community service began to come back to him. "Look ma'am, I got a lot of money! I will pay you anything you want if you do not send me to jail!" "Make sure to list that one of the defendants attempted to commit bribery, which is a federal offense." The judge whispered to the clerk. "Anyways... any of you else wish to plead?" "Eh... wait... eighty nine charges of poaching? I don't remember doing any of that... or maybe I was too drunk." Demoman asked as he scratched his head. "In the woods, we found scrap metal everywhere. Our assumption is that they used to be living creatures which you lunatics all killed!" The prosecutor commented. "Look your honor, these... whatever they are should be found guilty of their crimes!" "HOLD ON A BLOODY SECOND YOU STUPID MULE!" Sniper shouted. "WE WERE NOT POACHING. THOSE WERE BLOODY ROBOTS THAT WERE DANGEROUS TO US. WE ONLY DID OUR JOBS." "And so... did you initiate the violence, or did they attack you first?" The prosecutor asked with a triumphant grin. "Ummm..." "Your honor, may you please add vigilantism under the charges?" "Will do." The judge nodded as the clerk somehow held a pen with hooves. "Anything the defense would like to say?" "Umm..." "Alright then. I believe that I am ready to give my verdic..." "Hold it!" "Okay. Who just said... oh... my apologies Princess Celestia. I... I didn't realize it was you for a moment." "No worries lawgiver. I'll actually give the verdict. Now listen up you clowns, you caused roughly a few thousand bits worth of property damage, and you're all very lucky no pony was hurt in the process. Had that been so, I would have all had you lot tossed into the dungeon. Now thankfully... I happen to know one of you." "Hallo..." The German called nervously. "Good. So I think, because of your friend's previous assistance and rather good behavior here in Equestria, instead of handing you all fines which I know most of you could never work off, I am going to sentence you all into community service." "NOT AGAIN!" Scout cried at the top of his lungs. "Well, would you rather get thrown into a dungeon?" "NEVER MIND." "Good." Celestia smiled. "I am glad we all have come to an understanding. Now then, all of you will be helping to repair the damages you've caused earlier, and when you do so, you'll all be free to go. BUT..." Uh oh. "IF ANY OF YOU... ANY OF YOU... DARE CAUSE A RUCKUS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I WILL HAVE YOU ALL SENT TO THE MOON FOR A MONTH!" Needless to say, when Princess Celestia used her royal canterlot voice, it typically freaked everyone and every pony out to the point the mercs simply decided to storm out the door rather than listen to that foghorn again. Outside, were the guards waiting for them to send them to their duties of repairing.