Adopting Scootaloo wasn’t going to be as easy as it looked. Rainbow Dash’s first thought had been to try the orphanage. I mean, duh. That’s where Scootaloo kept all her stuff! Of course she’d be an orphan! That’s the first place you’d try, right? Just because she never actually said that she was one, didn’t mean anything, right? Scootaloo just hadn’t thought to mention it!
So one day, fresh out of flight school, Rainbow landed lightly at the very door of the orphanage in Ponyville. She walked inside, to find what you’d expect in an orphanage. Hallways going in other directions, spartan decorations, foal drawings on the wall, some done without permission, and the occasional sight of a harried mare or stallion chasing down some rambunctious tykes gallopping with abandon. There was a conservative looking mare in a grey bun sitting at a desk in the front, while some foals ran behind her in the background with some sort of ribbon on a stick. She seemed like the go-to pony for this sort of place.
“Hey, how can I adopt Scootaloo?” Rainbow asked, leaning on the desk all professional-like.
“...excuse me?” the mare said, staring at Dash with a flabbergasted look on her face.
“Oh you must not know, with all the—” Rainbow was interrupted, as two giggling colts scurried under her hooves, “All these foals here,” she continued. “Scootaloo is one of your foals, and I’m gonna adopt her!”
The grey mare paused again, before looking down her glasses at Rainbow Dash, saying, “If I am to understand there is a... particular foal at our orphanage that you wish to adopt?”
“Yeah, Scootaloo! You know, about this high, orange and purple, always buzzing around with a scooter?”
The mare didn’t seem inclined to closely examine the hoof Rainbow Dash had helpfully held out at Scootaloo’s approximate height, plus an inch or two to grow into.
“Do you have any... qualifications?” she instead asked skeptically.
“Qualifications?” Rainbow Dash asked right back.
“Yes you know,” the mare waved a hoof, “Your place of employment, your marital status, your approximate income, a budget to accomodate a foal, a—”
“Hold that thought!” Rainbow Dash announced, zooming out the door and taking to the sky. She was back in what seemed like moments, with a cardboard box balanced on her hindquarters.
“Alright, whatcha need?” she said unceremoniously dumping the box to the floor.
The mare looked at the box, then looked at Rainbow Dash, then said, “...excuse me?”
“What qualifications do you need?” Rainbow Dash qualified, rolling her eyes.
“You mean to say, you are interested in adopting a foal from our orphanage?”
“We went over this already!” Rainbow said exasperatedly.
“Miss, I really don’t think—”
“Just tell me what you need, and you’ll get it!” Rainbow interrupted. She was starting to get irritated with this mare.
“What’s in the box?” the mare asked, a bit at a loss for how to approach this rainbow headed mare.
“My qualifications,” Rainbow said opening the box and pulling various items out of it, “Look, see? Here’s my last paycheck, and here’s the one before, oh no that’s the one from three months ago. And here’s my cloud bill, and... I think this is a grocery receipt never mind. Oh, here’s my diploma!” Rainbow Dash popped out from rooting around in the box, with a manilla folder held in her mouth, a community college’s address written on the upper left, “I’ve been looking for this forever!” she said after tossing it aside, turning back to what she was sitting in. “I wonder what else is in here...”
“Miss!” the mare said loudly, as if she’d been repeating herself trying to get Rainbow’s attention for some time. A lot of ponies acted like that around Rainbow, for some reason. Rainbow Dash really didn’t know why. She stuck her head out of the box again, and turned to look at the deskmare inquisitively.
“You’re going to have to be a bit more organized if you want to even think about adopting a foal!” the grey mare admonished Dash, holding out a sheaf of papers. “You are free nonetheless to apply for consideration as a foster parent.”
“So, how do I do that?” Dash said from her box, looking curiously at the sheaf of papers the deskmare was waving at her. Why did she keep doing that?
The mare stood up and walked around her desk, shoving the papers against Rainbow Dash’s chest so she had to take them in hoof. “Just... fill out these forms,” the mare said, “When you are considered for foster status, you will receive a letter in the mail. Do not call us, we will call you.” With that she walked back to her desk, and sat down again, adjusting her glasses.
Dash climbed out of her box, looking at the impressive pile of paper left on the floor. There had to be at least twelve pages! “And, if I fill out these forms I can adopt Scootaloo?” she called across the room uncertainly.
“You will be considered for foster parent status,” the mare corrected her. “You may allow two to ten weeks for your application to be processed and then‒”
“Ten weeks?!” Dash exclaimed.
“And then you may apply for‒”
“I can’t wait ten weeks!” Dash protested, flying up in agitation. “I wanna adopt Scootaloo while she’s still a filly, you know!”
“If you cannot wait ten weeks, then you should not be adopting a foal ” the mare said glaring at Dash heatedly.
“Why not?!” Dash whined protested calmly and rationally.
“Because if you cannot wait ten weeks for a foal, then you cannot wait for that foal to complete a school day,” the mare said in a stern tone, “And then he or she will be left alone for hours, waiting for you to pick them up with no one there, because you were off doing something else, and let it slip your mind!”
“I would never‒” Dash started, but this time she got interrupted.
“If you cannot wait ten weeks, then when your foal needs healthy food to eat you will be too impatient to prepare it, and will sicken them on pre-packaged dinners!”
“I, uh...” Dash really wanted to protest that she would never do that, she really did.
“Your foal will need diligence and care, and if you cannot display even the slightest smidgen of dignity, patience, or respect for others, then you will ruin not only your life, but the foal’s future as well!” the mare shouted, “If that is, you don’t reject her in a week, once you find that raising a foal is too difficult for your liking, and leave us to pick up the pieces of her shattered ego!
“Well screw you!” Dash shouted back, “I don’t need to prove anything to you!”
The mare closed her eyes and collected herself, pressing a hoof to her chest, then exhaling again. “Yes,” she said, “You do.”
“That’s all horseradish,” Dash asserted, “Nopony would do any of that to a foal!”
The mare looked at her somberly, then said, “How old are you?”
“I’m 110,” Dash said, “I mean‒ 103, but I’m supposed to say 110. Because you know, uh, yeah.”
“You really don’t know, do you?” she sighed.
“Know what?” Rainbow huffed. “It’s old enough! I looked at the law! I mean, my friend did. But she’s smart! I mean, I’m smart too.”
Rainbow Dash paused, adding, “I’m smart,” again one more time for emphasis. She looked around self consciously. “What’re you looking at?” Rainbow Dash said laconically to an eleven year old foal who was giving her the most disappointed frown of disapproval. The foal just turned and ran off out into the play yard. Stupid foals, being all smug and stuff.
“Miss, please ,” the mare urged, attracting her attention. “Ask your... friend to research the Happy Valley Orphanage. It was disestablished in QDC AD, and set a precedent for much of current case law. After that, you may return, and fill out these forms.”
“Rainbow Dash !” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, charging into the orphanage through the double doors behind Rainbow. “You can’t just run off and adopt Scootaloo in an afternoon! I wasn’t even finished telling you about the qualifications!”
“Your friend, I presume?” the grey mare said regarding the purple unicorn in the room.
“Oh so now both of you are on my case?” Dash said in a hurt tone, hunching her shoulders. “I’d be a great parent!”
“You would Rainbow,” Twilight assured her, “But you have to be more... less... uggh.”
“Excuse me, miss...” the grey mare said to Twilight.
“I’m Twilight Sparkle. Sorry about this. May I have your name?” the unicorn asked politely, and Paper Heart thanked Celestia for that.
“Ms. Paper Heart, thank you,” the mare said. “Miss Twilight, if I may, your friend needs to know about a historic landmark known as the Happy Valley Orphanage.”
“Euw,” Twilight visibly cringed. She clearly had run across it sometime before.
“Miss... Rainbow Dash seems to think, that no parent would forget to pick up their child from school,” Paper Heart explained, “It is my opinion that she would benefit from some experience in that regard.”
“What’re you guys talking about?” Rainbow Dash sighed. Stupid eggheads ruining everything.
A shadow seemed to creep over Paper Heart’s features as she darkly said, “Spare her no details.”
One montage across town, and one helpful recitation of relevant reading material later, and Rainbow Dash was hiding underneath the oak wood reading desk on the first floor of the Ponyville library, which many know fondly as the Golden Oaks. The library not the desk. Curled up in a ball, with her hooves held over her ears.
“Come out of there, Rainbow!” Twilight shouted to get past Rainbow’s impromptu hearing protection. That and she was pissed off.
“No!” Rainbow shouted back desperately, “No more!”
“You need to hear this!”
“It never happened!” she protested, “It’s a lie!!”
“Rainbow,” Twilight said dangerously... then sighed and said in a more relaxed tone, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. Any other pony of your level of immaturity could believe what I said wasn’t true... except for you.” She was quiet then, just looking at Rainbow Dash expectantly.
Rainbow Dash creeped out from under the desk, whimpering quietly, “What about... what about Cherry Drop? D-did she...”
“She survived with two broken legs and a skull fracture,” Twilight said, glancing at the book with a shudder and added, “Her testimony was instrumental in ending the activities of the Happy Crime Family in...” but by then Twilight was speaking to empty air. Twilight looked around, but there was nothing there but her open swinging front door. Rainbow Dash had just fled the library entirely. Twilight would have followed, but she knew Dash was probably a mile away by now. And Twilight had a hunch that Dash wouldn’t stay away for long.
Later that day, Twilight put off taking inventory of the west wing to take a nap, and she was glad she did, because sure enough that very moonlit night, deep into the witching hour, Luna’s glow being the only light bathing across her blankets in the darkness, Twilight Sparkle was laying there in her bed unable to sleep. She lay there looking up at the ceiling with her ever thoughtful violet eyes, a sober expression on her face.
“Are ponies really that bad?” came Rainbow Dash’s voice, from underneath her bed.
“It’s a bell curve,” Twilight answered. Then qualified with, “A very few ponies are very bad, but almost everypony is pretty neutral.”
“How did they win then?” Rainbow said again, from her safe place.
“They didn’t, Rainbow,” Twilight explained, rolling over onto her side. “They lost all their power, QFWJ years ago. They don’t even exist anymore.”
“But what about all those foals?”
“Most of them survived...” Twilight said reluctantly.
“Even the ones in the crystal mines?”
“M‒ n‒ well...”
“The inpony experiments?”
“They survived, well, physically at least.”
“The fillies who died in childbirth?”
Twilight sighed, “Yes, the fillies who died, died.”
“Why did it happen ?” Dash exclaimed, sounding on the verge of tears... again.
Twilight pursed her lips, wanting to give a quick answer but... a quick answer wouldn’t get Dash out from under her bed.
“I said almost everypony is pretty neutral,” she admitted to her pegasus friend, “But when things are really bad—and things were really bad—then even ponies who aren’t bad can be pretty easily... fooled into allowing terrible things to happen.”
“Could it... happen again?” Dash whimpered.
“It will never ever happen again,” Twilight said confidently. “That was a strange and dark time, and ponies have since learned their lesson. We know how to prevent it, and how to stop it now.”
“Okay, Twilight,” Dash conceded quietly. She didn’t sound satisfied, and she didn’t leave, but she didn’t say anything further, so at last Twilight started to drift off to sleep.
Ten minutes later, Twilight was holding her pillow over her face and mumbling something about nasal strips, as the roaring noise of a dying moose under her bed filtered through to her ears.
The next morning, Ms. Paper was again working her shift behind the reception desk, when Miss Dash burst in again in a storm of motion and color.
“Alright I read it!” the rainbow mare said puffing her chest proudly, “Now gimme that paperwork!”
She spent the next hour filling it out, taking a surprising amount of time to do so for just twelve pages. Surprising to Paper at least. It didn’t help that Rainbow Dash’s record keeping was apparantly to “throw stuff in a box,” and while most of the forms were simple information like name, address and cutie mark, some of the questions really had the young mare chewing her pencil.
“Hey, Paper!” that mare yelled out across the room, “What substance are they talking about?”
“What substance?” Paper asked back, startling when she realized what a senseless question she’d asked. Was that mare’s stupidity contagious?
“Under History of Substance use?” Miss Dash repeated, “What substance?”
About 10 seconds earlier, Rainbow Dash was busy chewing on her pencil, trying to figure out what the buck these forms were asking her about. “What substance?” she asked for a second time, or a third time if you counted the time when Paper asked.
Dash didn’t look up, but there was an exasperated sigh, when Paper finally answered. “Salt. Hard liquor. Midnight oil.” The deskmare had a quiet tone of voice, that nonetheless carried across the room. Paper went right back to ignoring her, after having mentioned some “substances,” only two of which Rainbow Dash was even familiar with. So Rainbow went right back to diligently filling out these—wait did weather patrol count as civil service?
“Yes,” Paper Heart groaned, in response to the very valid and reasonable question that was perfectly reasonable to ask. Paper Heart didn’t seem to like any of the rest of the questions Rainbow Dash had, either. Dash just had to guess she was one of those ponies who didn’t like questions.
Thankfully for both of them, Rainbow Dash had only one more question before she handed the papers in. “I didn’t see a spot to put Scootaloo’s name down,” she said, “Where should I put it?”
“You—” Paper Heart rubbed her temples, “This is only to consider you for foster parenting in general . If approved, then you can begin the proceedings to adopt any one of the foals living here, not only... Scootaloo alone.”
“Well that’s OK I only want Scootaloo,” Rainbow said helpfully. “So you can just put her name down already.”
“When approved,” Paper said disapprovingly, “You might consider that any of these foals is just as deserving of a home as the one you ... already picked out.”
“Huh,” Rainbow Dash said, looking outside at some foals playing jump rope. “I guess they are, aren’t they?” Paper gave her a look like did you honestly not realize that. “I can’t adopt them all though,” Dash continued, “How are they going to get adopted?”
“You aren’t the only foster parent in Ponyville,” Paper suggested.
“Guess that makes sense,” Dash said with a weak smile.
She watched as Paper opened up a drawer that looked full of applications and dumped hers on top, saying, “You will let me know, right? I don’t want another pony to adopt Scootaloo first!”
“Your application will be processed in two to ten weeks,” Paper repeated, slamming the drawer closed with finality. Too much finality for Rainbow Dash’s sake.
Paper tried to appear disinterested as Rainbow gave Paper a leery look. Then the rainbow mare turned to leave, then looked back, then walked a few steps, then looked back again, then at last she ran out the door. Paper let out a breath she hadn’t noticed she had been holding then. As much of a headache as this Rainbow Dash filly was, she was more than glad to get that troublesome mare out of the way. Maybe now things would start calming down.
A mint green unicorn burst in through the door ran right up to her shouting, “I need a filly right away!”
Paper hated working the reception desk.
As the day wore on and slightly more reasonable ponies than those two came to the front desk for various reasons, Paper Heart couldn’t stop ruminating on that peculiar rainbow mare. She had been so foalishly intent on getting what she wanted, and the simplest concepts seemed to not even be part of her understanding of the world. If Paper had thought that mare was capable of lying, she would have sworn she had lied about her age, like one of those apprentices coming in to try some kind of prank involving foal adoption services.
Perhaps it was her recklessly colored mane that kept her in mind. Paper didn’t know anypony in back in Baltimare that had three colors in their mane, never mind twelve brightly distinct ones. She hadn’t been in Ponyville very long, but a prismatic mane definitely didn’t seem to be something any of the orphan foals carried, nor any of her coworkers or other ponies she’d seen on the streets. It was probably a dye job. Well, considering the mare’s level of organization, it was probably a dye job involving falling into a vat of fresh rainbow. She had been a pegasus too, so it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility.
Paper supposed it was that mare’s ability to get a rise out of her that made her stand out from the others Paper had met that day. Paper had always been a rather well mannered filly, and she didn’t usually lose her temper like that. But that mare’s ignorance had been insufferable! Didn’t they teach about this sort of thing in school at all? Not just her ignorance, but her immediate expectation of the best possible outcome. Most ponies had to be convinced that they were qualified to adopt, assuming the worst when they walked in the door.
Whatever it was, as Paper was leaving for the day to her little duplex she’d managed to acquire at a steal, thanks to Ponyville’s unusually low real estate values, she passed the filing cabinet, in which she’d unceremoniously dumped the poor pegasus’s application for foster status. The janitors emptied that cabinet out every now and again once it got too full.
Paper looked over her hip at that glorified garbage can, her eyes softening just a tad. There was no way a pony like that would ever qualify for adoption, but... Paper just didn’t have the heart to leave her without answers, like that. At least Paper could get the process going, so that Miss Rainbow Dash would be let down in a clear and upfront manner, instead of just lost in the shuffle of prospective parents clamoring for attention.
She pulled out the sheaf of papers, with Dash’s mostly legible mouthwriting all over them, and tucked them under her shoulder, walking to the proper place to file them and placing them in the box marked In. She wasn’t supposed to let illegitimate applications clutter up the next level of bureaucracy, but surely this one time couldn’t hurt?
Paper Heart was surprised two weeks later, when Choice Sum came to her desk. Paper Heart had reception duty on a biweekly basis, a lot less fun than chasing foals around and cleaning up their messes, but a necessary evil. The pale pink and yellow mare, who also happened to be her boss, came to the desk on Paper’s first day back at it, saying “Was it you took this application?” throwing Miss Rainbow Dash’s hastily filled out application on the desk surface.
Paper felt the guilt of a filly with her hoof in the cookie jar saying, “Is there a problem, ma’am?” in a controlled tone, looking at the application in front of her. Why hadn’t Paper just round filed the damn thing?
“Is Rainbow Dash really adopting a foal?” Choice said, her words coming out entirely too vivaciously. Paper looked up surprised, and found Choice was smiling. Not the gentle smile while watching the foals sleeping in their bunks, but a bright eyed spread winged foal-in-a-candy-shop smile.
“Y-yes...?” Paper stuttered uncertainly. “It was a sky colored mare, with a mane dyed with rainbow. Very disorganized. Is that the Rainbow Dash to whom you refer?”
Choice just gaped at her, saying “You don’t know who Rainbow Dash is? Any foal would give their back right leg to be adopted by her! She’s incredible! She’s a town hero! You know she once saved the world?”
“W-what?!” Paper exclaimed.
“She defeated Nightmare Moon!”
Paper just stared blankly. “The... holiday?”
“No, the real one. Don’t you remember the night that never ended? Nightmare Moon came back and attacked Ponyville! And she even stole Princess Celestia’s powers over night and day! Rainbow Dash is one of the mares who went into the heart of the Everfree and defeated her!”
“That was her ?” Paper exclaimed again, “She was all over the news in Baltimare, she and eleven others. I thought it was... I don’t pay much mind to the news.”
“You remember the Royal Wedding last year?”
“Yes, that’s the reason I don’t pay much mind to the news,” Paper said flat faced and disgusted. Most overhyped event of the century. It had coincided with some incredibly foolish attack on Canterlot of course. She didn’t need to check the news to know how something like that concluded.
“Rainbow Dash was the one who got the Elements of Harmony and held off the Changeling queen until the princesses had recovered their strength!”
Paper shook her head, “I can’t believe that that mare would be... I suppose she was the one who pulled our foal out of the well last week?”
“The very one!”
“I suppose... it must just not require any intelligence to be a hero. I still can’t—”
“Did you look at her application?” Choice said aghast. Paper blinked, and glanced down at it, then looked over it with a bit more care than just a passing glance.
“Hmm, impressive,” Paper murmured, “Already a weather manager? She’s certainly got a drive to succeed.”
“Look under curriculum vitae,” Choice prompted. Paper looked down the list, asking with a raised eyebrow,
“The Cloudfront Community College?”
“Keep looking.”
There was another college beneath that one in chronological order of course. But that would mean Rainbow Dash had entered college at age 101 at least! Paper looked beneath, and promptly spat out, “The Wonderbolts Academy?!”
Somewhere far across Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was sure of two things. In promising herself to adopt Scootaloo, she was totally ready for it. In promising Scootaloo flying lessons, she’d gotten herself way over her head. That orphanage might have looked like a decent place, but there was no way they were feeding this kid enough. Certainly not to sustain a high intensity workout!
The two of them were in a small restauraunt/cottage, a design common around Ponyville. This one’s front had broad glass windows, and a bar installed on the inside with stools in front. The smell of fruits and hearty things above a tinge of refreshing icyness wafted over the occupants of those stools.
The juice bar around them had walls painted in saturated green, giving the whole place a natural if unnatural atmosphere. Scoots and Rainbow Dash weren’t the only ponies in there, seated on the plush stools that lined the juice bar, but the place certainly did not attract the persistent crowd you find in a certain bakery. Rainbow chalked it up to the bar being relatively new, and to the tendancy for most ponies to have a bit more of a sweet tooth.
Dash smirked sliding the glass over to squirt saying, “Let me introduce you to something they call protein shakes!”
Dash watched Scootaloo look at the giant glass of foamy milky goodness with trepidation. Scootaloo looked with trepidation, not Dash. Granted, it was about the size of Scootaloo’s entire head, but pegasi burned a lot of energy in workouts, you know? Plus Dash had some... other concerns.
“You mean milkshakes?” Scootaloo asked, poking the side of the glass with her hoof.
“No, they’re totally different,” Dash explained with an arm around the filly and a hoof held out for demonstration. “Milkshakes are bad for you, whereas protein shakes are good for you. This’ll give you what you need to build up your bipectoral muscles so you can really get some wing speed!”
“O-oh right. Those,” the little pegasus lied through her teeth. Man, she didn’t even know about basic anatomy? It was a good thing Scootaloo was only second year, or Dash would be having some words with Cheerilee. This really was an earth pony town.
Rainbow Dash pulled back her raised hoof and laid it against a particular spot on Scootaloo’s tiny chest, in which her heart was beating rapidly. “Those are your bipectorals,” Dash said softly, “They’re what give your wings the power on their downstroke. The more you build them up the faster you can gain altitude. And the more protein you eat, the more you can build them up.”
Scootaloo silently nodded in understanding. She really was a smart little filly, but she sure didn’t know some basic things. Rainbow wondered how young she had been when she got to the orphanage. She didn’t want to get Scootaloo all sad about her troubled past though, because Scootaloo had to be majorly hyped up for the workout that Rainbow had planned for her. There was a lot to catch up on for the filly.
When Dash’s own milksh– protein shake arrived, she couldn’t help but notice Scootaloo whimper when Dash pulled her hoof away. Rainbow Dash was just going to slide the glass towards her own hungry mouth, but she noticed the filly’s disappointed reaction nonetheless. Scoots was trying to make like it was nothing and looking any direction but at her, so Dash didn’t say anything about it, but dear sweet Celestia did that filly need a mom. “Bottoms up!” Dash said to snap Scootaloo out of her funk, and the filly gave a guilty smile, before mimicking Dash’s movements to suck at the swirly straw.
“It’s sweet,” Scootaloo grimaced.
“You can burn off all that sugar in the workout,” Dash assured her. The filly reluctantly continued to sip at it. That itself was really weird. What kind of filly didn’t love to eat sugar?
Dash made sure Scootaloo finished every drop of that shake, not just for the workout, but this was an earth pony town. It never ceased to amaze Dash how different it was living here, something always seemed to surprise her. She wouldn’t be surprised if the orphanage was just feeding their foals hay and oats, and not even so much as a sardine. Not the sort of thing any self respecting pegasus should be living on. So Scootaloo needed her protein, and vitamins, to tide her over until the next time they managed to have a workout session.
Rainbow Dash was no dummy; she knew that Scootaloo wasn’t going to be a great flyer. She promised Scootaloo flying lessons, not the fast track to the racing circuits after all. She welcomed the challenge, really. Learning how Scootaloo could best take advantage of her underdeveloped wings and build their strength was helping Dash herself learn more about flying. Being a speedster you could miss a lot of the fundamentals, but Scootaloo really made Dash stop and think about them, which in turn made Dash a better flyer. The best way to learn is to teach, right?
Still it was a challenge as the workouts went on. Scootaloo had such a weird flying style. Her wings didn’t flap so much as buzz. It helped compensate for their flimsiness and smaller size, but it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing that would get you sliding through the air like greased lightning. Dash swore it was going to take an act of Celestia to teach Scootaloo how to just hold her wings still and glide.
Dash didn’t want to tell Scootaloo that she herself was barely even tired, when the filly started to get stressed and sweaty and worn out. There was nothing wrong with it, just Scootaloo needed more stamina. Plus Dash was like twice as big as her, so it made sense Scootaloo could only go half as long. So it made sense if Scootaloo quickly got worn out and uneasy and... kind of nauseous?
Scootaloo sure gave it her all, trying to follow Dash’s advice and plot a straight course through the air, instead of jittering around erratically like some kind of bug. But no matter how many workouts, or how many shakes Dash shoved down her throat, it was only after Scootaloo touched the earth, that she could propel herself forward like a bullet.
Dash didn’t remember much from Breeding 101, but she was pretty sure pegasus and earth pony genes couldn’t combine half way. It always went one way or the other. But she had to wonder about Scootaloo. This was an earth pony town after all, and the filly seemed more at home on the ground than in the sky. There was no way to bring up her birth parents without it getting totally awkward though, so Dash just had to speculate that she had a lot of earth pony in her, or something.
“Alright squirt, time to call it quits!” Rainbow shouted one day, after the workout. Scootaloo ceased her exercise of trying to glide from a flat cloud, then ascending with difficulty back to it in order to try again. She fluttered to the ground together with Dash, where Dash put her hoof on the filly’s hair and ruffled that boyish curl.
“You did good,” Dash said, “Great effort!”
Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow Dash, with a queasy look on her face. “Thanks Rainbow Dash,” she said in a grateful tone.
“We’re going to work on stabilizing you more the next lesson,” Rainbow Dash continued, “So you can go in a straight line without losing altitude.”
Scootaloo smiled brightly at that. “So glad there’s a next lesson!” she cheered excitedly.
“What, you don’t think I’m ever gonna leave you hanging?” Rainbow Dash laughed, striking a pose, “When I said you’re gonna be a great flyer I meant it! I think we’ll be seeing a lot of each other from now on.” She had to fight not to just shout out that she was gonna take Scootaloo home with her one of these days.
Scootaloo actually hugged her then, just ran up and wrapped her hooves around Rainbow Dash’s chest. It made Rainbow’s heart swell to see such affection from the filly, who was so skittish before. “Oh thank you thank you Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo gushed, and then her hooves stiffened oddly. She pulled away from Rainbow Dash with that queasy look on her face again.
“You O.K. squirt?” Dash asked concernedly.
“Oh I’m fine I’m fine,” Scootaloo said with a fake smile, “I’m just feeling a little um, full.” She wasn’t lying, but Dash got the impression she wasn’t exactly telling the truth.
“That protein shake really hit you hard, huh?” Dash said consolingly. “You must be used to earth pony food all the time. Don’t worry you just need to give your body time to adjust.”
“Yeah. Adjust.” Scootaloo said in a surprisingly bitter tone, looking away from Dash and refusing to qualify herself more.
“Something you want to tell me, squirt?” Dash tried. She knew what Scootaloo’s reaction would be though, and sure enough Scootaloo said in a tense tone, fidgeting in place,
“Hey, you know, I really have got to get to a.. thing with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. So I’ll be seeing you later. OK Rainbow Dash?”
“OK squirt,” Dash said evenly. She didn’t want Scootaloo to know, but Rainbow could tell the pegasus filly wasn’t going to see Apple Bloom. The earth filly friend of Scootaloo’s would be hip deep in farm work this time of day, and Dash had seen Sweetie getting on a carriage today on flyby so she was probably visiting her grandparents in Colton.
Scootaloo jumped on her scooter with little fanfare, and revved up her wings, buzzing off down the hill and zipping into Ponyville proper. Dash watched her go and sighed. “Soon, Scoots,” she promised. “Soon.”
Rainbow was soon cruising over the skies of Ponyville by herself, quietly plotting her next move. It had been a bit of a wrench in her plans to find out Scootaloo was an orphan. She had been planning to give the filly flight lessons one of these days, but Dash had thought it could wait until after she graduated from the academy. So she went her entire first year without realizing that filly wasn’t getting wing training, and now Scoots was even further behind on flying.
Now it was Rainbow Dash’s top priority, as well as getting that filly somepony to watch over her. But if the stories about ancient child sellers weren’t enough of a shock, now there were a ton of foals who needed somepony in their life! Twilight assured her that evil stuff was all in the past, but how could ponies be making foals and then just abandoning them?
Everypony knew there was an orphanage here, but the implications of it just hadn’t hit Rainbow Dash until she really thought about it. She wondered if there was something she could do about it. The only idea that occurred to her was to beat up the parents until they took their foals back. That probably wouldn’t end well though, because her hooves would be way too tired after that many parents. Maybe Twilight would have an idea. That egghead always did. Rainbow Dash angled her course to drift towards the Golden Oaks Library, a silly smile creeping onto her face.
Meanwhile, somewhere all alone by herself in the shadows, Scootaloo coughed wetly as her sides heaved from throwing up everything she’d eaten before. “Why do I have to be this way,” she asked herself, tears trailing down her cheeks, “Why can’t I just be a normal pony, like Rainbow Dash?” There was nopony to answer though besides herself. There couldn’t be anypony else because she was so ashamed of what she was, that she didn’t want any other ponies to know about it. She didn’t want other ponies to hate her for what she was. When she looked at her reflection, her face was full of concern, but it... it wasn’t the face anypony knew her by. It was the face of a stranger.
“You could try a charitable donation?” Twilight Sparkle suggested to Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, in the brightly lit sunny interior of the tree library’s main lobby.
“How does a charitable donation stop parents from abandoning their own foals?” Rainbow protested. They were standing in the library, as usual for Twilight, right next to the elements in their display case just waiting for somepony to run off with them and never be seen again. The ten weeks of terrible waiting for application approval were only about halfway through, and Dash was looking a little feathery from the stress of it. Not that she was taking it out on Twilight but, no she was pretty much totally taking it out on Twilight.
“It won’t,” Twilight said bluntly, “But foals need to eat too, and they need blankets just like any other pony.”
“They wouldn’t need me to donate anything if their parents weren’t just dumping them!” Dash asserted heatedly.
“Their parents are... ugh, look Rainbow Dash, there are many perfectly valid reasons to put a foal up for adoption. It’s very rare that a parent just... dumps their foal on an orphanage.” The unicorn continued to grumble, “You really shouldn’t be talking to me about this, Rainbow,” looking up at a scroll sent to her by the princess with some sort of spell on it. Twilight had that scroll mounted on the wall, next to some notes and diagrams. She’d had that scroll for a really long time in fact, at least since Dash got back from the academy. It was starting to look really frayed on the edges.
“I have my own studying to do,” Twilight said, “And I’ve pretty much told you all I know about orphanages. Reasons for abandonment are discussed in chapter 13 book V of Orville’s Only Orphanage Omnibus, but as for you I would really recommend you just go ask Rarity. She has a lot more experience than I do in orphanages.”
“Rarity?” Rainbow Dash winced, “Why her? She’s not an orphan she has parents!”
“Actually...” Twilight trailed off, stomped the floor and said, “No, no it’s not for me to say. Ask her about it, and I’m sure she’ll tell you. One cannot simply say no to Rainbow Dash. I will tell you that she does regularly donate to the Ponyville orphanage though, so you can ask her what her reasoning is behind that.”
“Well I really can’t tell you my reasoning behind it,” Rarity said later, “It is an act of the heart, not the mind. But it is something for me to do to make the world a better place.”
The two of them were sitting at a powder blue table in Sugarcube Corner. Specifically, Dash was only half sitting, having zipped in to talk to Rarity as soon as she saw the unicorn in the window. It had taken Rainbow Dash several days to track Rarity down. Well, to track Rarity down in a time when Dash was off the weather patrol and when Rarity was not at her boutique. Rainbow wanted to catch her out of her element, because Rarity in her element is a rather scary experience. Just about every time Rainbow Dash walked into that boutique, she came out with another gigantic hat on, with no idea how she agreed that it was any way in style.
The bakery’s cheery atmosphere was the subject of a number of quiet conversations and ponies laughing to each other while consuming pasteries and sweet drinks. Pinkie’s place was always a good place to meet, even if they served milkshakes here not protein drinks. They didn’t have seats here either, so you could just stand while you ate, not as pretty but lots more convenient when you just wanted to run in and out.
“One enjoys especially bringing in significant donations such as toys or prepared food, that the foals can directly appreciate,” Rarity continued. “It’s simply more fulfilling than just putting all my earnings back into the shop.”
“So, you just do it because it feels good?” Rainbow Dash queried uncertainly. That didn’t sound like something her friend would do at all. Not that anypony didn’t like feeling good, but Rarity was always putting herself out for the good of others. It was kind of painful to watch sometimes.
“I do it because it does good,” Rarity asserted. “It really does help those foals, and they need all the help they can get. Their caretakers too. And really it’s nice to give something back, now that I am able to.”
“Twilight was saying you could tell me why parents are abandoning their foals like that,” Rainbow cut straight to the point. Rarity stopped, and faced toward Rainbow Dash with an expression between worry and disapproval.
“Mmm, yes I would say some parents are unable to care for their foals,” Rarity said carefully, sipping at her sparkling wintergreen tea. “I would say abandoning is a bit overzealous though.”
“Well, why else would they be leaving them at the orphanage?” Rainbow protested.
Rarity gave Dash a long look, just like Paper Heart and countless ponies had in Rainbow Dash’s life.
“You know my old friend Redheart?” she said at last.
“Um...” Rainbow Dash blushed, scuffing the floorboards.
“Well,” Rarity waved a hoof, “One of my old Baltimare friends was orphaned at a young age, and her parents didn’t abandon her. They died!” Dash’s mouth dropped open. It seemed for once Rarity’s attention to dramatic affect was having an effect on Rainbow Dash, leaving her quite affected.
“What?!” squeaked Rainbow.
“It was terrible!” Rarity swooned, rearing up dramatically. “The fire consumed the city! There was no stopping an enraged wyrm! He laid waste to the land!”
“Then what happened??” Pinkie asked, causing Rarity to shriek and tumble backward. It might have had something to do with Pinkie Pie sneaking up undetected previously, then sticking her head right in Rarity’s face. Rainbow Dash had to chuckle at that, and that was terrible, because she was supposed to be majorly bummed!
Rarity meanwhile picked herself up carefully, saying, “Hello, Pinkie,” in an unenthusiastic voice.
“Hey, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash said in a little bit of a reluctant tone, not sure if she wanted to talk to her about heavy stuff like this either. The pink pony didn’t respond, looking at Rarity expectantly.
“Then,” Rarity began again uneasily, “He calmed down. Or was calmed down. Flew away before any reparations could be demanded. There was a scandal in court of course, and the blacklist on his—”
“No, no, the foals !” Pinkie corrected, “What happened to the foals?”
“They were... sent to the orphanage?” Rarity answered confused. She recovered her wits though, adding, “A lot of foals were orphaned that day. And that is why orphans do not necessarily have parents who abandoned them.”
“Phew!” said Pinkie in a relieved, if inappropriate reaction, bouncing off with her pastries somehow remaining on her serving tray, to attend to the other customers.
“All those foals at the orphanage have parents who died? That’s so sad...” Rainbow said sadly. She really didn’t know what to think about that.
“Erm... no,” Rarity corrected, “Thankfully most orphans are not so unlucky as for their parents to die. Even with that tragedy, it was quite a minority.”
Rainbow Dash groaned exasperatedly, throwing up her hooves, “Well, then, if the parents aren’t dead, then why did they abandon their foals?!”
Rarity paused to sip at her tea, before addressing Rainbow Dash in a serious tone. “Mares will have foals. Sometimes they simply aren’t prepared to care for those foals. They may have education to complete, such as an award at a particular academy of flight perhaps. They may not have the finances to support a foal. They may lack the maturity to treat a foal fairly, and nopony wants their child to be hurt by their own pigheaded immaturity, not even the pigheaded. Or perhaps one’s lack of free time due to training exercises in addition to one’s weather controlling occupation makes it too difficult to raise a foal.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, saying “If you’re not gonna take me seriously I don’t know why I bothered asking. If anypony had problems like that, then they could just not have a foal in the first place.”
“Well, they‒” Rarity waved a hoof saying, “It’s rather hard not to have a foal. Many ponies lack the will to resist those urges. It’s quite compulsory.”
“How is it in any way compulsory?” Rainbow asked even more irritatedly.
“Ooooh I know this one!” Pinkie shouted, suddenly beside both of them again, “Let me answer, Rarity!” she said excitedly to Rarity’s face, then zipped up close to Dash elbowing her in the side saying slyly, “You don’t worry let Auntie Pinkie tell you all about it,” as an appropriate soundtrack began to play.
One day you’ll feel a tingle in your tummy that you need
A nice and horny stallion to give you all his
“I know what sex is!! ” Rainbow Dash shouted at the top of her lungs, banishing Pinkie’s somewhat disturbing impromptu props with frantic hoof waving. Dash realized she was reared up on her hind legs then, and everypony in the bakery was looking at her. “Ah, heh heh,” she said with a blush, settling back down to all fours. Pinkie just smiled and bounced back into the kitchen, ever diligent in the task of delivering baked goods to pony mouths.
“Well then,” Rarity said, glancing around with not a small amount of agitation. “Surely you understand why a mare might have a foal that she is not ready to care for?”
“Nope,” Rainbow said dully, “Still not clear.”
“Surely you realize that,” Rarity said, leaning forward over the table and saying in a quiet conspiratorial tone, “Sex makes babies?”
Rainbow Dash let her head hit the table. “Yes,” she said from down there. “I know that sex makes babies.”
“And surely you’ve been ...overcome by your sexual urges before? You’re not that young,” Rarity asserted.
“Yeah yeah,” Rainbow waved a hoof. “About once a week maybe, more after Wrapup.”
“Then how is it not clear?” Rarity said frustrated, “You have a compulsion for sex, you have ponies who are not ready to raise a foal, thus you have foals who are orphaned. It seems fairly straightforward to me.”
“Haven’t they ever heard of birth control?” Rainbow Dash declared.
Rarity’s silence prompted Rainbow Dash to lift her forehead off the table, and look at the unicorn warily. Rarity looked like she had swallowed a fly.
“I...” she said mouthing silently, then “I had not ...considered that.”
Rainbow looked back, still warily, saying, “So, there’s this great thing called an IUD, it’s a little weird but once you get it in there you’re pretty much set. There’s also the PZP shot but it doesn’t last as long and kinda sucks. You should talk to Doctor Stable about it unless you’re thinking about making a foal. Wait... you aren’t thinking about having a foal are you??”
“I have an IUD,” Rarity growled through clenched teeth.
“Oh, so you do know about that stuff!” Rainbow clarified. “So, you get it right? Parents that orphan their foals have no excuse! If everypony was using birth control until they were ready, all the orphanages would be empty!”
“Sometimes you feel like you could wait to be ready your whole life,” Rarity said wistfully, “And only know it after the deed has been done.”
Rainbow Dash just looked at her blankly.
“You know what, Rainbow Dash?” Rarity said lifting a hoof, “I’m done. I have had enough of this. I just need some time to reevaluate my entire life . Thank you for chatting, and good day.”
“But why doesn’t everypony‒”
“Why don’t you ask Twilight?” Rarity said sweetly. “I’m sure she could frame it in a way that you can understand.”
“But—”
“No, thank you.”
Then Rarity just trotted out the door without another word. Rainbow watched her go, then turned her eyes down a little gloomily, troubled by her own thoughts now, as Pinkie Pie’s head stretched closer and closer to her table.
“You gonna buuuuy anything?” Pinkie asked.
“Ehp‒” Rainbow Dash looked up surprised, then looked at Pinkie. “Yeah I guess a cinnamon bun couldn’t hurt.”
One hot, buttery, melty cinnamon delight later, and Rainbow Dash was flying off towards Twilight’s library again. She drifted into the lobby through the front door, left open in the unseasonably warm weather, which was sort of Dash’s fault, but she was totally going to get that fixed soon. Twilight was in there doing some dusting, so Dash just asked her right away,
“Hey I had a question and Rarity said you might know the answer to it.”
Twilight stopped in her dusting, turned and gave Rainbow Dash a long look.
“Didn’t I just tell you to ask Rarity?!” Twilight exclaimed.
Twilight appeared to be a bit miffed. Maybe she was still sore about the... bed thing that night, but that had totally been her fault. “I did ask Rarity,” Rainbow Dash calmly and rationally explained, “And she told me to ask you.”
“Do you not see the tautology here?” Twilight snapped, pacing in front of a sketch easel with some diagrams and complicated unicorn stuff. The only thing Dash could make out was the part that went “swap ⇒ friendship ⇒ ???”
“Nuh, uh,” Rainbow Dash declared, “It’s not a tauto-thingy. It makes perfect sense.”
“Very well,” Twilight said shortly, “I suggest you ask Rarity. Go ahead, go ask her!”
“But I already asked Rarity!” Dash said unhappily.
“And you already asked me so the circle is complete!”
“I asked you a different question, though!”
“I can’t answer a‒ what?” Twilight stopped pacing, and turned slightly in Dash’s direction.
“I’m not asking about why foals are abandoned anymore.”
Twilight paused, then walked up to Rainbow and laid a hoof across her forehead. “Hmm,” she muttered, “Your temperature seems normal. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“I’m fine Twilight,” Rainbow said in a confused flutter, “Why would I not be?”
“Well it’s just for a moment there you started making sense. It’s not like you.”
It only took Rainbow Dash a second or three before she swept Twilight’s hoof off her forehead going, “Ha ha, very funny.”
“Very well Rainbow,” Twilight said smiling cheerfully with that cute close eyed smile of hers. “As it appears Rarity suggested you clarify something further with me, go ahead and ask away and I will do my best to illuminate you with knowledge!” The only sad thing is, she wasn’t being sarcastic. Those weird words like eloominate, she honestly thought were going to mean something to Rainbow Dash. Dash managed to get the gist of it at least.
“Yeah... right...” Rainbow responded in a less than confident tone, but segued into her question quickly. “Twilight, why aren't mares using birth control, if they’re just gonna send their foals to the orphanage?”
Twilight’s expression went flat. “This is gonna take a while,” she muttered.
It was Pinkie, of all ponies, who finally managed to get through to Dash. She came gayly dancing into the library without a care in the world to find Rainbow Dash attempting to glean something from a What’s Happening To My Body Book for Fillies, which was next to a larger pile of rejected books that looked much brainier and less Dashier than Rainbow Dash would normally read. Twilight was standing by glaring at the foal’s literature held in Dash’s hooves with the disgust only a bibliophile could portray. It was all very serious and grave.
“Hey Dashie!” Pinkie chirped out, whereupon Rainbow Dash leapt up, rushed up to her and said,
“Pinkie you gotta help me out! Twilight says I need to read all these mare psychology books and all I wanted was to know why they weren’t using birth control and I’ve been here for almost an hour, nothing makes sense, mares are crazy and I want to fix the adoptions now!”
“Oh Dashie, it’s simple,” Pinkie said, ignoring the way the panicked pegasus had ahold of her front torso, “You’re a mare, so you can understand you!”
“But I’m not—this!” Rainbow waved at the literature full of disturbed mares and psychological examinations, and vague half truths intended to keep fillies from feeling bad about themselves without actually telling them anything they needed to know.
“Weeellll,” Pinkie said looking aside and rocking on her hooves testily, “What happens to a mare’s tummy when she gets pregnant?”
“It gets... big and round?” Rainbow Dash guessed uncertainly, walked back to her books, “accidentally” kicking that big one, about mares with abstract cutie mark something or another, out of the way.
“Rainbow—!” Twilight shouted, diving for the book.
“Ssh, let Pinkie finish!” Rainbow said smoothly, turning to the pink pony with the impossibly poofy hair.
“That’s right!” Pinkie said brightly, “It gets big and round! Because of the foal in there! Now what happens when she takes birth control?”
“It... doesn’t get big and round?”
“Right again!” Pinkie cheered. Rainbow wanted to feel insulted, but the pony was honestly happy for Dash’s understanding, and Dash knew it was just how Pinkie expressed herself. “Now, you don’t have a big round tummy, Dashie. You have a nice sleek one. Does it feel good to have a nice slim athletic figure?”
“Buck yeah it does, I am smoking hot!” Dash said, lifting her wings and striking a pose. She looked over to to Twilight before she could protest, saying, “Come on Twilight, you know you would hit this.”
“Aaaalmost there,” Pinkie cautioned, coming right up next to Dash. “Now I want you to imagine that you have a biiig round tummy, all full and heavy, with a little foal curled up in there.” She demonstrated as she spoke the ostensible gravidity Dash would display, by waving her hoof in a curved path underneath Rainbow’s flank. The thought of being pregnant was making Rainbow Dash blush, and Pinkie was making it really easy to think about, with the way she described it. No way Rainbow could ruin her athletic career but... you know... just thinking about it.
“Got it?” Pinkie said pleasantly, hopping in place with anticipation.
“Y-yeah,” Dash admitted, sticking her nose into a wing nervously, “So... what?”
“Does it feel good to think about a foal inside you, swinging there between your legs like a cradle?”
“Um–mm–uh,” Now both Dashie–Rainbow Dash and Twilight were blushing, and Dash really didn’t have words for how she was torn, by how weird that thought was, and how self evident it was.
“No matter how much you want to feel like that, you can’t, not as long as you’re using birth control,” Pinkie concluded, “Aaaand that’s why ponies don’t use birth control, when they should!”
Pinkie skipped out of the library then humming to herself a very inappropriate song, and it took the other two a while before either of them noticed that Pinkie hadn’t even checked out a book.
Dash spoke at length, rubbing a hoof under her chin and saying, “Huh... so... there are orphans because mares want to get pregnant, even when they can’t support a foal?”
“That’s... not the only reason,” Twilight said with a wince, “But probably the predominate one, yes. In the twenty-one hundredth century, there was a movement where ponies started falsely claiming birth control was dangerous to a mare’s health, and that put a heavy strain on orphanages from unintended foaling, but the princess put an end to that. These days mares who are avoiding birth control for fear of health complications are pretty rare, and the only other source of orphans besides avoiding birth control is... deceased parents.”
“Just to feel pregnant though?” Dash exclaimed, recovering some of her wits. “That’s stupid! It doesn’t sound that good. Plus they also have to feel the foal coming out , and I heard that hurts a lot!”
Twilight shook her head. “Not just to feel pregnant, though that is certainly a psychological influence, but to have a foal, Rainbow Dash!” She gave Dash a pleading look, as if she might please, please, please quit this line of questioning.
But Dash just was so confused. “Why would anypony want to have a foal, if they’re just gonna throw it away!” she exclaimed. Twilight facehooved.
“Just because not many ponies are evil, doesn’t mean not many ponies are stupid,” Twilight said. “Mares make mistakes, and as Pinkie demonstrated it’s really easy to make them. Nopony wants their foals to go to an orphanage, but when they y’know, make them, ponies often make unrealistic assumptions about the idyllic life in their future. That’s why we need orphanages, to fix the mistakes and make the world a better place again, if for no other reason than the sake of the foals.”
“I just wanna adopt Scootaloo,” Rainbow Dash moaned, “I don’t want Pinkie Pie trying to get me knocked up. I don’t want to learn about disturbed mares or how foals were sold like turnips in ancient times. Is all this really necessary? I even have a permanent residence!”
“Well it is hard for her to get up there,” Twilight pointed out.
“The flying lessons will fix that,” Rainbow said confidently. “She’ll be clearing the top of a thunderhead before I’m done with her!”
“Speaking of which, didn’t you have a lesson scheduled with her after school today?”
Rainbow’s eyes widened, “Oh shoot , what time is it?!”
“it’s 3 past noon,” Twilight offered helpfully.
“Gotta go!” said Dash gallopping for the door.
“Wait!” Twilight said, “School doesn’t let out until 10 past noon at least!”
“I know, I gotta get the course ready!”
And with that, Rainbow Dash was away, to spend another afternoon with the filly everypony in town knew as her biggest fan.