Dating Dummy

by BarnstormTrooper

Lucky seven

Rarity’s loud singing and spontaneous mood caught a lot of attention as she skipped home. This and that way ponies stopped everything to catch the few seconds they had to make sense of the situation before she disappeared into the distance.
‘New flame?’ one pony whispered.
‘Dunno!’ the friend replied, ‘Sounds like some kind of hat’.

‘That’s it!’ said Pinkie Pie who zoomed back into Sugarcube Corner and returned in a flash to plant a picket sign outside the door with the words “New Product! Free Samples!” on it. She also had hold of a tray of biscuit cupcakes with a marshmallows centre. ‘Get your Gibby-Flibbies!! New and D-Licious!’.

‘Oh, excuse me door’ said Rarity to the front door of her house. She opened it and twirled on one hoof as soon as it was closed. She hummed and danced all the way to her runway and settled on the stage with a delighted sigh. Her pet Opalescence the cat came by wanting attention she was happy to give.
‘Oh Opal,’ said Rarity running a hoof over her beloved pet, ‘the most marvellous thing just happened to me. I just made plans with a goose. His name is Gibson and he plays music. He and I didn’t exactly get off to a good start but we have the whole of tomorrow to get to know each other. To think the very day I was going to use that silly dating service I meet the most handsome bird. Rather kismet don’t you think’.
‘I’m happy for you Rarity,’ said Opal with a French accent of all things, ‘but why go out with a goose?’.
‘Well I don’t find it odd at all…Spike’s a dragon and he likes me…Twilight had a thing for that boy from another world…is it so silly that I go in a different direction?’.
‘I guess not’ purred Opal. ‘Do forgive the pun here darling but just what do you lovebirds have planned?’.
‘Well I thought we’d start off with a light lunch at the Salice Piangente’ said Rarity, thinking nothing of the fact her cat had acquired the power of speech for she’s always known what she was thinking. ‘We’d follow that with an inspiring browse through the Ponyville GOMA, and if we’re in the mood perhaps dinner back where we had lunch’.
‘That all sounds divine, but does Gibson like all that fancy froufrou stuff?’.
‘Fair point, you know, I left the room before I could ask. He may never have seen the inside of a shower let alone a museum. I certainly don’t want to take him outside his comfort zone’.
Opal climbed up to lick her ear. ‘Then you should act upon his tastes’.
‘Yes, simple enough. Maybe he plays pool. Do they have pool halls in Ponyville? What if they play country instead of rock? Oh why didn’t I take more time to get to know him? I can’t go back now, that’d make me look like an air headed diva’.
‘You’ll have a fine time, I’m sure of it’ said Opal, arching her hind and craning her neck over the stage. She pounced from Rarity’s lap and made her way to the kitchen. ‘Just don’t lay it on too thick, eyes and figure form the glass but friendship fills it to the brim’.
‘Friendship, yes, the best couples are the best of friends. I just have to act as I do when I’m with my friends’. It dawned on her after a moment’s pause. ‘Who are mostly girls…when I think about it…I’ve rarely if ever spent the day with an average boy. Oh this is terrible! I’ll have enough trouble finding common ground, but how can I do that when I won’t be able to relax!? And if he doesn’t like me, not only will that hurt my confidence, he’ll tell all his bandmates about me, and they’ll tell their fans, and before I know it the average pony of Ponyville, perhaps all of Equestria will know that I’m…unpleasant company! Oh Opal, what do I do? How do I prevent this disaster?’.
Opal returned from the kitchen carrying an exquisite silver bowl with her name on it. She spat it out before Rarity’s feet.
‘Mrow!’ said Opal, pointing a claw down her open mouth.
Rarity gasped. ‘I – D – AAAA!’.

‘Thanks again for this girls’ said Sweetie Belle to the other crusaders, not long after leaving the classroom. School was finished for the day but the girls were getting together at the Carousel Boutique to help Sweetie Belle get her lines from act two down pat. She’d be much further along by now but she never counted on being stuck in Pasabeana for more than she had to. Uncle Dandy and his bride to be had no daughters or sisters so they asked Rarity to be their mare of honour at their wedding. It was Dandy’s idea as he wanted only the best for his sweet Clementine and believe Rarity would deliver her a bachelorette party for the ages.
Rarity went one step further and offered to make dresses for every important female. From then on Sweetie Belle had only a hoof full of opportunities to peruse the script. Not a page went flipped without some interruption, whether it be sampling finger foods, standing still to be fitted for the flower girl gown or running errands when Rarity couldn’t leave her work unattended.
She tried not to fret when she forgot to take the script with her but nopony could have foresaw what came next. They woke up the day after the wedding to find that the front page of every newspaper was fat with a story about an extra-terrestrial sighting. In response the mayor grounded all hot air balloons and Pegasus ponies till further notice. It turned out that some oddballs from Cowtech had invented a working miniature spacecraft that was intended to impress their girlfriends. The words of Mrs Duckawitz, mother of the engineer, were quoted at the end of the article. She was preparing breakfast the moment the wrath of the government came down on the family home. An ugly scene erupted in which she cried: “HOWARD! THERE’S GOLEMS IN THE PANTRY!!” while assaulting the agents with French toast and pancakes. They believe this was meant to alert her son as he was discovered in his bedroom attempting to burn the evidence.
‘It sure was embarrassing being the only one holding a script’ Sweetie Belle went on to say.
‘Again, it ain’t no trouble’ said Apple Bloom. ‘With the winter frost in the air our harvesting has slowed right down, and I’m too little to help make firewood’.
‘We’re all in the same scenes, so we might as well practise together’ said Scootaloo. ‘But are you sure you don’t want to come to my house? Your sister was awfully excited about making a date with Gibson’.
‘Yea,’ agreed Apple Bloom, ‘won’t we getting in the way of her preparations?’.
‘I don’t plan on getting her help right away,’ said Sweetie Belle, ‘we’ll be in my room till the lines sink in and then we’ll come down and put on a little show for her. My sister is always giving advice to models before they go on the runway, whatever she knows has to have some relevance to stage acting’.
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom murmured in agreement.
Sweetie Belle pulled the handle of the front door and gave it a gentle push. It was hardly wide when something zipped by them with the speed of a sonic rainboom leaving behind a white streak and a ghostly cry…..

‘Was that…Opal?’ asked Scootaloo, like the others she watched the strange sight vanish into distance.
‘I don’t know’ said Sweetie Belle.
The little actresses turned around and became the characters in a lesser known horror story one could call “Fashion Becomes Her”. Lightning flashed in the doorway, or so it did in their thoughts, and standing in their way was the most style senseless monster ever conceived. Its ruptured mane, confused dress and severed make-up went in six or more directions, what it wore worst of all was its smile, a smile that said “I have plans, and you’re in them”, what a terrible smile that was.
Sweetie Belle leapt into Apple Bloom’s arms, Scootaloo hugged Apple Bloom from behind and all three let out a mighty shriek of terror. Still the creature smiled….
‘Hello girls, you’ve picked the perfect time to visit’.
‘R-R-Rarity…w-wh-what…’ said Sweetie Belle, trying to overcome the shock.
‘Could I get you three to do me a teensy favour?’ asked Rarity, interrupting with a curled hoof.
The girls looked to one another. Common sense dictated they be cautious but appear curious.
‘What does it involve?’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘Oh…a little make-believe and playing with dollies’ said Rarity in a childish tone.
Apple Bloom’s eyes grew wide. She drew the air she needed to agree but lost confidence after catching the other’s sceptical faces.
‘And how does this help you out?’ asked Sweetie Belle.
‘It’s no good telling you out here,’ said Rarity, with a beckoning hoof she added ‘come in, please’.
The girls let go of each other and followed Rarity’s lead.
What waited inside was…interesting…or if it please the critic was trying to be a blend of a five star restaurant and a police suspect board. Along the models runway there was an exquisite oak dining table with matching high backed chairs, topped with a single candle and two sets of plates and cutlery. At the back of the stage there stood a small army of flip charts with the headshots of famous stallions on their cover. The kitchen was alive with the sound of bubbling pots, fiery ovens and smells from just about every continent. But the most…interesting…jolt to the senses were a set of well-dressed and smiling dummies perched upon stools like they were either watching a movie or were about to be launched into a wall. One of them for whatever reason was covered in blue feathers and given a beak.
‘When I made my date with Gibson I wasn’t in the right mind to see how naïve I was’ said Rarity, stepping over to the runway. ‘Not only do I have limited dating experience but I don’t really know how to act around regular boys. So after a little stressing out I came to my answer. BUNRAKU!’.
‘Gesunhoof!’ said Apple Bloom.
‘No dear, it’s performance art.’ said Rarity, ‘I turned a few of my clothes horses into puppets, each requiring up to three ponies to keep steady….I was just about to go find three ponies when you girls came strolling along’ she let out a squee ‘my day has just been full of lucky breaks. Now, this is where you need to pay attention. Before I made the puppets I went through all of my fashion magazines and old scrapbooks and picked out six ponies of lowering social status, and I say lower because I thought the best thing for this experiment is to start from the top and make my way down. When I had my six ponies I wrote down everything I could learn about them. Their hobbies, pet hates, childhood memories, favourite hair style, and just for the record’ she giggled ‘if they were single’.
Scootaloo raised a hoof.
‘Hold on dear, I’m almost finished’ said Rarity. ‘So basically, if my plan works out by the end of tonight I should be fluent enough in the art of dating and conversation that I’ll have no trouble hanging out with a low class goose like Gibson’.
Apple Bloom looked at Sweetie Belle. ‘Goose...?’.
Sweetie Belle shrugged.
‘So if I’m hearing you right,’ said Scootaloo, ‘you want the three of us to get up there, puppeteer seven puppets, pretend to be seven different ponies, and go on SEVEN imaginary dates with you?’.
‘Gosh…that is a lot of work for just three little fillies’ said Rarity, raising a hoof to her chin. She took a moment to think then trotted back to the front door.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders had a gestural conversation while she wasn’t looking.

‘She’s gone insane!’ said Scootaloo.
‘I vote we say no!’ stressed Apple Bloom.
‘Agreed’ said Scootaloo.
‘Girls, she obviously needs help’ said Sweetie Belle.
‘Then find a ventriloquist’ said Scootaloo.
‘A violinist?’ asked Apple Bloom.
‘No, a ventriloquist!’

Rarity went no further than the door and drew a deep breath, a very deep breath, then yelled a yell that’d make the deaf say “Whazzat?”.

One could almost hear a “boing” when the purple dragon stopped right at her feet.
‘I came as fast I could’ said Spike, not even the least bit tired from running three miles in as many seconds. A crowd of love hearts rose from his scaly chest then popped upon him noticing the mare looked a tad unusual today.
A blink went by. Neither one said a word.
‘Aren’t you going to scream too?’ asked Rarity.
‘Kinda saw it coming!’ said Spike.
Rarity turned on her good eyes. ‘Spike-Wikey, do you ever picture you and I going on a date?’.
‘Everyday!’ said Spike.
‘I’m very glad you said that’ said Rarity, she kissed him on the cheek and the little dragon melted like butter in her hooves. ‘I’ve got a rare opportunity for you Spike. How would you like to go on seven dates with me in one evening’.
‘Did you say seven?’.
‘Yes, seven. I’m trying out a little experiment you see and I need someone who wouldn’t mind saying sweet things to me…’ she came close to his face ‘all night long’.
‘All night!’ said Spike with a gulp, ‘Well…this is totally sudden and…weird…but ok’
‘Good,’ said Rarity, ‘now get under that table so we can begin!’.
Spike stood up a little. ‘Say what now?’.
‘You heard me little man…dragon…and it’s rude to offer your help to a lady and not make good on your promises!’.
Spike looked inside. Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were giving him the double hoofed wave, the universal sign for “Run! Run!”.
‘Um…there’s some chores that I need to…’.
‘GETUNDERTHETABLE!’.
Spike ran straight under the oak furniture where he clung to a table leg, quaking with fear.
Rarity gave the girls a sinister eye.
At once the three of them joined Spike under the table. It seemed like the right call.