I was rather pleased with myself today. No, I was downright proud of myself. I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, had convinced the god of chaos himself to use a serenade AND IT WORKED!
WHOO-HOO! Go me, uh-huh, go me. It’s my birthday. I’m awesome.
‘Calm down, me. We don’t want to stun Ponvyille into a stupor with our awe inspiring dance moves.’
‘Right,’ I inwardly giggled in embarrassment. It was no secret that I was an excellent dancer. I could make ponies drop their jaws at my moves. Okay, maybe that’s because my dancing is a little provocative, but I can’t help it. The world can’t handle the dance of love. Not even Chrysalis stands a chance and she’s been to hundreds of worlds. Okay, maybe she spent most of the time conquering it for her daddy, but still. I beat her. Even when we played ‘Death Dance’, I beat her. Though I sometimes get sliced up a bit during that game. Yeah, probably not our greatest idea.
Terrifyingly bad ideas aside, today was a momentous occasion. I was finally going to get my own hooves dirty and actually get myself into the game. I had been on the sidelines for too long. My shipping senses were going haywire from idle chit chat and such things, but I had to curtail those feelings. Applejack and Discord needed to strike a connection. They had, oh how swimmingly they had. Now it was my turn to help keep that connection alive and fan the flames of love. I just had to make sure of one thing.
“You can’t hang out with Applejack today.”
“What?” Discord looked aghast. It was early morning and the two of us were standing in the middle of the Apple’s property, some ways from the house. “Why should I ever stop hanging out with my dearest Applejack?” He conjured a big, Applejack plushie and cuddled it to his chest. “She’s my waifu.”
“Haven’t you heard the saying?” I asked him, to which the plushie answered with a shake of its head. I sighed. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The past few days, you’ve done nothing but tag along with her. While that’s good, she needs some space. Some time to think. She’ll be thinking of you, one way or another. She’ll miss having you around and she’ll realize that she actually likes you.”
“And where will you be during all of this?” Discord stroked his beard in thought. He let the plushie go, which neighed and sped off towards town. I quickly pondered just vaporizing it, but one plushie couldn’t do anything bad.
An army of plushies with chainsaws was another thing entirely. ‘Sometimes, I wonder how bucked up Equestria is when we produce villains who actually come up with stuff like that.’ A good question, which I thought long and hard during that fight.
I still didn’t have an answer, but I’d guess Equestria would be high on the ‘bucked up’ scale.
“I will be with Applejack,” I smiled, giddy with anticipation. “We’ll have a girls’ day out, just the two of us. During which time, I’ll be asking questions and trying to needle out some hints or ideas for the next few days. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to get her to confess her feelings to me. Shouldn’t be too hard, since I am kind of a psychologist. Comes with the job of being the goddess of love.”
“That sounds incredibly manipulative,” Discord’s smile grew from ear to ear, literally. “I like it.”
“I’m glad you do,” It’s nice to know others appreciate my hard work and ideas. I have no idea why some ponies think I’m crazy or too brash. I work differently with each couple. If some ponies wouldn’t be so hard headed, I wouldn’t get so many headaches.
“If I was to ever give up my godhood,” Discord started. “And I’m not saying I would. I love chaos far too much to consider that, but if I did, you’d be the first one to get it. I mean, you’re the most chaotic being I know and you think just like me.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I don’t. I’m far cleverer than you, Mr. I Don’t Know How To Love.” I giggled when he rolled his eyes. “Now, let’s get to it.”
“But what will I be doing today?”
I shrugged. “Maybe you could go and have fun. I wouldn’t suggest staying in Ponyville right now, since Applejack and I will be strolling on through it.”
“I think I’ll do just that,” Discord’s grin went up over his ears and he chuckled. “I have the perfect pony in mind.” He disappeared.
I had half a mind to go and stop him, but I had more important things to do. I’m sure whoever Discord decided to torment today was none of my concern. So, I marched on off to the Apple Family House.
It’s not easy being awesome. Oh, some ponies think it is, but it’s not. It takes hard work and dedication to maintain this unbelievably high level of pure awesomeness. It’s a tough job, but somepony’s got to do it. I’m thinking for the little ponies here. They need an idol and who better an idol then me? I used to say that would be the Wonderbolts, but given my last experience with them…Yeah, I’m not sure of that anymore.
Anyways, I’m just chillaxing up on a cloud right now. I already finished the morning clear up, mostly by myself really. It’s spring-ish, so there aren’t a lot of clouds. I could do it faster with others, but I need the practice…okay, I still need others to do. We simply get the job done faster that way and I’ve been trying to cut down on the bravado recently.
Didn’t think I’d ever use the word ‘bravado’. Sounds so egghead.
Speaking of eggheads, I wonder how Twilight’s doing. I mean, she’s going to see the Reindeer. I’ve never met one myself, but my dad did once. He used to be a bit of an adventurer in his youth. That’s how he met my mom. My dad’s awesome adventures aside, he said that the Reindeer were tough creatures. They’d have to be in order to survive so far north. Hay, if even half of what my dad said was true, they’ve got to be awesome. Wish Twilight brought me with her, but that’s the ropes. Besides, Ponyville needed someone to look after it. There’s no telling what so of monsters could come stomping through town. I could take ‘em easy. Just a measly ten seconds is all I need, if that.
Today, however, it seemed there weren’t going to be any monsters, villains, or stallions trying to hit on her. Nope, it was smooth sailing from here on out.
I knew that voice, but why, oh Celestia WHY did he have to ruin my self-appointed do-nothing day? It’s because he’s a gigantic jerk with way too much time on his hands. Ugh, I hated him so much. I can’t believe we actually released this guy. I’d give anything to just put him back in stone, for a day at least. Anything to get away from his annoying voice…and that forsaken, high pitched honking noise.
“What is it Discord?” I opened my eyes.
Discord was currently riding around me on a tricycle, honking a small horn. “Are you up yet, Dashie? Are you up yet, Dashie?”
“I just opened my eyes and asked you a question,” I snarled. “I think that just answered your own question.”
Discord flashed on over to her, now wearing some Sherclop Holmes get up, complete with a magnifying glass. I quickly got to my hooves and reeled back at how close he was, especially since he was using said magnifying glass to peer rather creepily over me. “That’s hardly an answer. For all I know, you could be sleep walking.”
“Sleep walking?” I pushed him away. My scowl grew that much deeper. “What the hay gives you that idea?”
“Well Dashie, you have all the signs of a walker,” Discord passed the magnifying glass over me, which really creeped me out. “Tangled feathers, slow movements, why you even have baggy eyes,” he smirked as he looked me in the face. “Tell-tell signs of a sleepwalker. I should know, I’m the one that invented it.”
“You invented sleep walking?”
Discord nodded. “Why should ponies just be active when they’re awake? It’s so much fun to mess with them when they’re sleeping, add in some magic and wa-la~ Sleepwalking.”
“That explains so much, yet so little.”
“Sums up my conversations quite nicely,” Discord chuckled and willed away his clothes. “Of course, I know a sure fire way to tell if you really are awake or not.”
I know I shouldn’t ask how. I really, really know I shouldn’t, but my mouth didn’t seem to catch that memo. “How?” ‘Maybe if I humor him, he’ll….’
I yelped in pain as something sharp hit my butt. Flapping hard, I hovered over the cloud to see Discord’s tail underneath me. It was holding a tack. Said spirit was now flying next to me and shaking my hoof. “Congratulations. You’re awake. Well done, Dashie. Well done.”
I scowled and pulled my hoof away from his grasp. “What the hay are you doing here?”
“I’m bored,” Discord drooped.
“You’re bored?” I couldn’t hate him more even if I tried. “Why don’t you go hang out with Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie?”
“Pinkie’s in Canterlot and Fluttershy caring for some of the new baby animals,” Discord huffed. “She says the poor dears don’t need a fright. Poor dears, my chaos. She was housing manticore cubs. Those things can kill you lickety-split no problem.”
Right, Fluttershy still cares for Manny. It’s almost like yesterday when we had to face him….I still think Nightmare Moon was kind of lame. I mean, she turned herself into a thorn? Really? I mean, I didn’t know that until Luna told me. A mad manticore with a thorn in his paw is lame enough, but using a piece of herself? ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Sombra was a better villain than her.’
“So why me?” Dang it, I did it again!
“Well,” Discord grinned and vanished and appeared right next to me wearing a Twilight wig, horn, and wings. He held out a giant book with one arm and pulled me close with the other. “I wanted to annoy, I mean aid Twilight but she’s off meeting with the reindeer.” A picture of Discord dodging fire laced pikes filled the pages. “Yeah, me and the reindeer don’t see eye to eye.”
“Gee, I wonder why?”
“As do I,” Discord huffed. “You’d think they’d have a sense of humor. I mean, I best their ruler, Santa Hooves, once and introduce a little chaos and….”
“Wait, you beat Santa Hooves?”
Discord nodded. “He was a toughie, I’ll give him that. Why, I think he’d even give Mother Nature a run for her money.”
“…What the hay is wrong with you?” Discord, the Discord, beat one of the most treasured beings of charity and good will in the world. ‘He is so on the naughty list forever.’
Discord paused and gave me his best ‘You seriously have to ask that?’ face. I grinned sleepily and kept quiet. “He was a good sport and took it like a champ,” Discord whipped up a golden medal, saying ‘Biggest Jerk’. “He even gave me this afterwards. I wear it proudly to this day. Kind of feel guilty about it though, but really, I couldn’t let that goodie four shoes get in my way of world domination. So, I banished him to a world populated by monkeys…He somehow came back soon after my downfall.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you chose me to hang out with,” I said. “Also,” I punched his side and he cringed. “That’s for messing with the big SH.”
Discord rubbed his side. “I deserved that, but to answer your question.” He vanished again, reappearing this time with a Celestia get-up underneath me. I let out a little yelp as I found myself laying on his head, between his horns. “I wanted to tease big-ole, Celly Welly, but I can’t find her anywhere.” He vanished and reappeared again with a Luna cosplay. He started juggling me. “Then I thought to bother Lulu, but I told myself that she’s a no-fun stick up her bum princess. Good for a laugh at her expense, but not for a day of jolly cooperation.” He vanished and once more appeared with an Applejack get up. With a twirl of his rope, I was hogtied. I scowled at him, but he didn’t notice. “I wanted to hang out with my dear Applejack, but Candy said that was a no-no.”
He then vanished once more, taking me to the cloud this all began. “So it was down to you and Rarara, but she’s in Canterlot too. Besides, she’s my drama-pal and drama-pals don’t mess with each other…much.” He chuckled darkly.
“….Drama-pal?” Stop it mouth! I don’t want to know these things! He’s going to say or do something incredibly annoying. ‘I so want to punch him in the face.’
“Fluttershy wanted me to get to know you ponies better and I thought it was a wonderful idea. Really, why not? Fluttershy has the right idea and who knows what could transpire if I just hung out with her all day and you lot ignored me out of spite. I mean, anything could happen. She could turn into a draconequus. My powers could infect the wildlife and they rise up against their pony rulers. I could grow resentful of your distrust and turn on you all when the next card carrying villain arrives.”
“But that’s not going to happen, because me and Rarara are drama-pals~” Discord said in a sing song voice. “We found we both loved drama shows so much that we often go and see them together. I say, she is the most delightful fashionista I’ve ever met…Okay, she’s pretty much the only one I’ve hung out with ever, but still.” He frowned. “Although, Scarlot so belonged with Bumblebee.”
“HICCUP WAS HER SOULMATE!” Somehow, I could actually hear Rarity scream all the way from Canterlot. That mare has some seriously good lungs.
“THAT ROMANCE WAS CLICHÉ AND YOU KNOW IT!” Discord hollered back.
“CLICHÉ MY WELL MANICURED HOOVES! HICCUP NEEDED SCARLOT AND SHE NEEDED HIM!”
“GET WITH THE PROGRAM! HICCUP ENDING UP WITH SCARLOT WAS STUPID! SHE NEVER SAW ANYTHING IN HIM UNTIL HE ACTUALLY TAMED THAT BEAST! SHE JUST WANTED HIS FAME!”
“NEIGH! SHE SAW HIS DETERMINATION! HIS WILL TO BETTER THE TOMORROW! SHE REALIZED THAT SHE WAS WRONG AND LOVED HIM TRULY!”
“SHE WAS AN AXE WIELDING TRAMP!”
“OH WE’LL SEE IN THE SEQUEL, DARLING. THEN YOU’LL SEE I’M RIGHT, LIKE I WAS WITH HOBBLE AND SPARKLE!”
Discord sniffed. The god of chaos was actually breaking up into tears. “YOU WIN THAT ONE….THEY WERE SO ADORABLE TOGETHER!”
‘Please, whatever god can hear me, please just end me now.’ I groaned, clutching my ears from the yelling contest. “Are you done now?”
“Yes,” Discord wiped his tears away on his arm. “Now….What shall we do?”
“How about play ‘Leave me alone’,” I offered.
“Sounds dull and uncreative,” Discord pouted like a child would. Then, his face split into a rather terrifying grin. “How about a race?”
Terrifying grins aside, my ears perked at the last word. “Race? Me and you?” He nodded and I laughed. “That’s a good one. Seriously, I’m the best flyer in Equestria. I could fly circles around you with my eyes closed.”
Discord shook his head and booped my nose with a finger. “No, no, no, not that type of race. I’m talking about a race where we’re both on equal terms.”
I raised an eyebrow, but kept silent for a moment. That did sound interesting and I kind of wanted to hear it out. “Go on.”
“I’ve been to many worlds and in all those travels, I found a few that would suit our needs perfectly,” Discord clapped his hands and the next thing I know, I was behind some kind of wheel, inside a metal carriage of sorts, and wore some strange suit and helmet that looked like a morphed version of a Wonderbolt outfit.
“Dashie~” Discord chimed from the ‘metal carriage’ beside me. The both of us were on the ground now, somewhere outside Ponyville. “First one to the other side of Ponyville wins.” He sent me a confident smirk.
I returned it. “You’re on.” I took hold of the wheel. ‘Maybe Discord isn’t such a bad guy.’