I walked through the woods with George. "So...you're like, talking to me in my head, right?"
George let out a sharp sigh, Yes. Now maybe we can focus on finding some bodies?
"Bodies? You want--"
Sorry, body. I trust that if we fix those two, they'll figure something out for us. Returning the favor, if you understand.
I looked up at my neck, a lovely breezy set of trees sitting behind him. "If you understand, I understand. Same person, you prick."
Oh, I'm the prick? You're the racist, not me.
I huffed angrily as we walked through the same path yet again. "No, you're just the pompous one."
We walked into the same clearing, a head laying asleep in the grass. You know, I'm looking forward to being rid of you. You and those mares.
I felt my eyes pop open. "What?"
We stepped over to Cosmic. Oh yes, I'm not staying with you! God... life with a bigot, a surly girl from York and a psychotic with a domination fetish. No, I think I'll go explore.
I looked down at the passed out head. "Oh...well." I scanned the head, a masculine jaw, worn out eyes, tired, beaten down, but strong. "So my body hates me, and this is a stallion's head."
Oh, is it? ... Oh piss. George hurried down and scooped up the head.
"Snrk- what?! Who's there, I'll fucking kick your ass--"
"Save it." I shot back, watching George place the spare head under his arm. "Gonna go get you a home."
Oh how heroic.
The stallion looked towards me. "Um...I- uh.... I'm unsure how I should--"
I turned to the orange eye'd stallion. "Look, I'm decapitated, you're decapitated, I knew where to find you, and I know where to fix you. Now are you really going to sit there and shut up!" I felt a bit of spit fly from my mouth. "I've got twelve different worlds I've hopped through today! So you sit the fuck down, and shut up!"
The stallion head just stared at me, slowly growing a bit of a blush. "Uh...sure." He turned to face straight ahead. "So...can--"
"Jason! Now sit there quietly and shut up! We'll stop for lunch in Ponyville...." I turned to look up at George. "George, you got money?"
Why would I--
"Check your pockets."
George stopped on the road and slid his hand down, keeping me pinned under my own armpit. Your clothing choi- oh...you do have money.
Cosmic looked over to me. "Uh...to--"
"Where's your body? We're gonna go get fucked up!"
Cosmic stared at me. "I'd rather actually--"
"Lunch and beer and terrorizing the natives!"
***
I rolled along the floor of the hotel. "Fuck...George, you drunk."
George's hand popped out of the portal, slowly pulling itself along through the glowing doorway. I'm trying! Piss...I feel like a tuna.
Dust looked down at me. "Jason, you reek of beer."
I looked up, my vision blurry but I could always tell that blue set of eyes. "Dust, you were a man! I fuckin- I kicked you in the b- no, George kicked you in the balls!"
Cosmic slowly trotted into view, standing over me with an unseen frown. Dust peeked at me, her left ear laying across her crown. "Jason, do you really think it's a good idea to drink in--"
"Man...boy you had a small dick...." I laughed to myself as George tripped on the doorway and slapped down against the ground. "Is that why you're so mad? Like...what's the thing with small genitalia and anger?" I felt myself tip onto my cheek as George pawed at the carpet. "Fuck...I don't mind if your pussy is small...."
Dust cocked an eyebrow. "I'd imagine not. Do you need to take a break?"
I let out a long groan. "I just wanna find you...like, a nice, normal version of you. One that doesn't speak French, one that's not a man, one that isn't like...stupid or like a d- actually I could dig a deer version of you." I closed my eyes, thinking back to Deerlestia. "Oh man...like, lifting that tail, nice and white and pink, that blush on gray coat while you turn around."
You want to fuck a deer?!
"Yes George, we both want to fuck a deer wife! I would like a pretty fuzzy wife right now!" I wished I could kick my limbs, having since lost most control. "God damn it...I just want this to be over!"
Dust looked down at me. "Jason, I think maybe we should order something, tuck you in for the night." The portal went black, leaving me and my body splayed out on the floor. "George can rest and we can go have fun near the falls--"
"One more go." I felt my jaw go slack. "Nap, then one more go."