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// Chapter 8: Regarding Ears and Armored Alicorns 
// Story: Regarding Falling Villains 
// by naturalbornderpy 
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REGARDING THAT PLACE BEHIND THE EARS


 

I glimpsed the vast reaches of the Canterlot grounds as the glow from the moon cast every tall building in a dull blue shine. The cool night air tugged at my mane, whipping it around my shoulders. I should have felt refreshed and delighted by the sight alone. I should have sucked back the chilly wind into my lungs with renewed vigor and sneered in joy at the unsuspecting populace. An untold amount of wrath was coming their way, didn’t they know? The rightful King of the Crystal Empire had been given his freedom back along with his powers. I wondered how they could they even sleep at a time like this? How they could even—
                
But I don’t believe I was actually planning on doing that tonight. Prove Celestia and everyone else right by attacking them the second I could? At least the night would be over with. Yet there were always other ways to finish things for good.                
                
I set my bloodstained hooves near the edge of the roof and glanced down. Meters and meters below, guests slowly filed themselves out from the party—some swaying drunkenly in music only they seemed to hear. This time I would not aim for a group of passersby. This time I would wait for a space to clear. That night I did not feel like hurting anyone else.
                
You could still try and talk with Twilight again, my mind tried to inform me helpfully. My horrendously stupid, stupid mind.
                
She only might try to kill you, I then reflected.
                
Hmm. Maybe I wouldn’t press things at the moment.
                
Although I hadn’t been followed to the roof, I knew no less than two dozen guards and a single alicorn surrounded me from well-hidden spots in the shadows. Many weapons were poised to strike, yet I thought I would sadly disappoint them all.
                
“At least tonight can’t get any worse,” I said, before it did.
                
Although I didn’t hear them enter my secluded space, I did in fact feel someone scratching me in that spot behind the ears. Ruffling my mane gently, it didn’t take me long to piece together who it might be—especially considering it was an eagle’s claw doing the delicate act.
                
“Have a rough night, buddy?” Discord asked solemnly, already a hint of a giggle in his voice. “You really botched things up, didn’t you?”
                
I wanted to tell him to stop touching me. To take his filthy eagle’s claw and lion’s paw and shove them somewhere I wasn’t even sure existed on the creature. Sadly, since his petting felt oddly good at the time, I didn’t lash out as I should. Rather, I tried my best to stop my leg from thumping against the roof.
                
“I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I told him bluntly.
                
“Then that’s too bad, Sombra. I get that a lot and rarely do I do what ponies tell me to.”
                
I watched the last few lights along Canterlot wink out. The town of Ponyville appeared close to the same—only a few homes with candles or fires burning through their windows.
                
I said, “Did you know my powers have been returned to me? If I wanted to, I could blast you to parts unknown and spend the rest of my days looking for all the pieces.”
                
The draconequus pulled me in closer, wrapping the end of his tail around my shoulder. It was abnormal how caring he was trying to be. I knew an ulterior motive must have been somewhere close by.
                
“You could try, friend,” he chided. “But I’ve always been the type to come with spare parts. Now before we let this night go on any further, I need to know: are you planning on jumping off this roof again?”
                
“Yes.”
                
“No, Sombra! No!” he screamed, distancing himself to stare in my eyes. While he mocked horror, I kept the same stoic expression I’d been holding since I climbed up there. “Think of all the ponies that would miss you!”
                
A moment passed as he rubbed his chin.
                
“Okay, don’t think about that. But think about all the fun you’d be missing out on!”
                
I said thickly, “I don’t do fun.”
                
“Clearly. But think of all the fun I’d be having if you stuck around!” He stretched his heavily lined face into a grin. “Ponies everywhere would be worried sick to think of your next move! The Princesses would be in an eternal state of turmoil! And best of all, you’d either screw it up, or screw it up royally!”
                
As he giggled loudly he smashed me into his impossibly thin side, a mixture of body odor and stale candy filling my highly trained snout. Now I thought I knew why he wanted to visit me that night. And just like that I thought I had had enough of him for one life time.
                
I told him dourly, “As much fun as this has been, I think I see a coin on the pavement down there. Let me go retrieve it and we can continue this conversation right after.”
                
I fell forward and waited to drop. The ground was directly below me but it seemed as though a thumb and forefinger had suddenly cancelled my actions. Holding me by the scruff of my neck, he spun me back around.
                
“But Sombra!” he pleaded. “You can’t leave without your goody-bag!”
                
I charged up my horn; a red and black static pulsating at very edge of my elongated tip. “Which eyeball do you want me to melt first?”
                
Discord snapped his fingers and I felt something wrap around my forelegs and back. I turned to discover a pair of pink and purple butterfly wings attached to my shoulders. Made of cardboard and painted with complete lack of adherence of staying within the lines, my first thought was that some filly had made them some time ago. Given the scary amount of haphazard gold glitter, I thought I might be correct.
                
“Happy travels,” he said, as he let me go.
                
Falling towards the ground, my first thought was of the obituary column that would be printed the next day. No one would be surprised to hear of what happened; I was more than sure. But the cardboard wings? I grimaced at what ponies would undoubtedly say. That was when I tried to get them off.
                
“Damn you!” I yelled, as my cumbersome hooves just couldn’t get under the thin straps. I was going to be the great villain that jumped off the roof with cardboard wings, hoping he could fly. I was sure Twilight would laugh herself silly when she heard, as much as it hurt to think she might. But wasn’t there something I was forgetting this entire time?
                
“I should have hit the ground by now,” I muttered, before sighing angrily.
                
“Isn’t this fun, Sombra?” Discord yelled to my side, arms crossed behind his head.
                
I finally came to the conclusion that I was stuck in a loop, starting near the lip of the roof and ending a few feet from the ground. I had truly, honestly, fairly, genuinely, justly, sincerely, uprightly never hated anyone as much as I did that creature at that moment. And I’m reminded this was the second time I’d said such things about the draconequus.
                
I screamed at him, “What in Equestria do you want from me?”
                
With a stretchable straw, he drank from a falling glass of punch. “I want my good friend to stop moping about. I want him to enjoy life!”
                
“How many times must a draconequus be reminded the same fact? We… are… not… friends!”
                
He pursed his lips. “Not with that attitude.”
                
He snapped his fingers and we both came to a halt three feet from the castle grounds. While he stopped in midair, I continued to the pavement face first. It wasn’t enough to injure me or even hurt me at all, yet I still spent the next twenty seconds of life with my muzzle pressed against the cool cement to tell it just what I thought of “my friend” that for some reason or another wouldn’t go away. If bad words could change the colors of stone, I’m sure I would have left a black circle the size of my mouth on the sidewalk.
                
Sitting up, I readjusted my snout and propelled a high burst of energy out from my back; incinerating the pair of wings I’d been given. The ashes blew away in the night breeze.
                
Discord nibbled on a knuckle disparagingly. “Oh, Scootaloo’s going to kill me…”
                
I shot him a death glare. I had about four such glares in my arsenal to choose from and I gave him the third. If he had been one of my Crystal slaves I would have summoned for a bucket and mop soon after. “Go away, dragon! What I do with my freedom is up to me and if it all ends tonight then that’s just that! You and your Princess’s friendship plan failed and now I am no longer under your control. So leave me be!” The overwhelming emotions of that long night sunk deep into my skin. I hadn’t had much time to digest it all—only act on impulse. It was merely a way of life I’d grown accustom to. Now I felt something stinging at my eyes. “I had… one friend in this entire cesspool of a land and the first thing I did was destroy what we had created together beyond repair! I… thought I was helping her. I thought I was doing what was right. But now the truth is out in the open and left bare…” I hastily wiped at my eyes, uncaring that I was still in plain sight of my most hated enemy. In a few hours, I knew, I’d never need glimpse his deformed face again, and anything he witnessed of me would be mere words in the wind. “And now I don’t know what’s left for me in this life! Do I try and take my old Kingdom back after all this time? Or do I try and create something new for myself? And now it seems like I can’t decide and it’s tearing me apart!”
                
The draconequus looked pained as he placed both hands over his heart. “Oh. Oh, Sombra. Come here. Come here now. Bring it on in.” He opened his arms for a hug. “Let it all out. Come to poppa.”
                
I glared at the obvious Venus flytrap he was presenting. I had barely discovered the art of “hugs” a few months ago and they still made my skin crawl. So why was it that I was oddly tempted to go to him?
                
Then something dawned on me. I asked him introspectively, “Is your need to constantly touch others due to the fact you feel unwanted because of your strange out-worldly appearance and can never adapt to the pony population as a whole, thus rendering—”
                
Discord’s arms extended eight feet more and I was quickly thrust into his furry chest. I could breathe, only just barely. Tightly embraced and with nowhere else to go—and with all the weight of the last several hours and months and months before that nibbling at my core—I quietly sobbed into the (weirdly) nice jerk made of abstract animal parts. I wish I could have stained him with my tears.
                
“This isn’t about me, Sombra,” he said from up above. “I’m perfectly sane. Just compare me to any other draconequus around. This is about you and how you’re already giving up on yourself before you even try. You don’t think I’ve stumbled with the Element bearers before? Numerous times! But you know the catch with being all around good and all around nice that those ponies need to be? It’s that they forgive easy! And do you even know what Twilight’s official title is? It’s friendship, Sombra! If she didn’t forgive you, I’d imagine she’d have to forfeit the job! Perhaps, I dunno, to Background Pony Number Twelve!”
                
I looked up at him. “Who?”
                
“They’re not important, dear. They’ll never be.” He patted my head again. “What you need is a fresh start. A new place and a new set of ponies that don’t entirely know how much of a homicidal maniac you can become if given time and the right amount of outward pressure. And maybe… given a little space… you might even be able to talk to Twilight again. I’m sure she’ll still… exist in the next few weeks, at least.”
                
“You think she’d talk to me again?” I asked softly.
                
“Weirder things have happened. If there’s still a chance Scootaloo might fly, I would say there’s still a chance for you.”
                
I didn’t know who this Scootaloo was, but being mentioned twice that night I already felt bad for them.
                
The draconequus pulled away from me, a pair of fingers held aloft near his head. “You ready to start anew, my friend?”
                
Something in his mismatched yellow and red eyes caused me worry. “Why are you trying to help me so much? What do you get out of all this?”
                
A sly smirk found his lips. He said slowly, “It is simple, Sombra. You’re my pinball right now. If I’d let you jump off that roof, I’d only have wasted a bit on the game machine. But if I let you loose—if I pull back the spring behind the ball just enough—there’s no telling what kind of… interesting things you’ll bring to the world. And that’s something we draconequuses could never pass up on.” He leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “Potential chaos from a distance, my friend. I haven’t been this excited in a very long time.”
                
When he started to laugh I realized my list of “actual” friends was still at a very unhealthy and malnourished zero. Before I could interject, he snapped his fingers and I disappeared in a huff.
                
At least I was out of the gloom of the Canterlot castle.
 

REGARDING ARMORED ALICORNS


 

I arrived in the thick of a small town I had glimpsed from a distance but had yet to visit or honestly care to. It only took a short view of the storybook roofs and cozy architecture plans of each building to realize I’d been transported only a marginal distance from the castle. This was Ponyville. I was in Ponyville. And it was still sometime in the middle of the night.
                 
I crept along a shadowy alley loaded with discarded boxes. Hesitantly, I approached the wider street and huffed out a sigh of relief. There wasn’t a pony in sight. There was, however, still an alicorn close by.
                
I trotted down the main drag and surveyed the helter-skelter homes. Not a single one looked up to code and I thought if I stared too long I might find myself getting disoriented. What did Ponyville have against straight lines? Obviously, I was thinking far too much about it and was trying to distance myself from my plight. And still the night rolled on.
                
Minutes later when I neared the edge of town and found not a single light on or fresh avenue to travel down I grew restless. A well armored opponent had been following me since I’d been teleported there and every few meters I walked, they noisily dashed from rooftop to rooftop to keep up. It sounded as though they were unaccustomed to armor.
                
“You can come out now,” I told the empty street. “I know you’re following me.”
                
I rolled my eyes as the sneaking alicorn said not a word. I could almost imagine them crouching behind a thin chimney on some darkened roof, as if that would somehow minimize their sound. They should have known such tactics to be useless. My returned powers gave me those gifts and many more.
                
After a minute without a squeak from my opponent, I charged my horn in a multicolored light display that bounced off every house in the vicinity. It was a harmless trick—more akin to flashy fireworks than anything. Yet I thought it might look tempting enough to gravitate towards.
                
I decided to sweeten the deal. “Take that, Ponyville…” I mumbled uncharismatic. “And some of that. And maybe some of this.”
                
“Your reign of terror ends NOW, evil doer!” spoke the alicorn in silver and blue metals.
                
As Luna descended off the building, a strong funnel of swirling gray clouds followed close behind, as well as the occasional blinding bolt of intimidating lightning. I’m sure her entrance was supposed to be frightening to her foe… and not just completely unnecessary.
                
She landed in a huff and struck a warrior’s pose—sharpened spear pointed in my direction, already coated with a thin aura of protective magic. As if through some speaker system out from view, she said, “You may have been granted back your powers, dark King, but I will vanquish you with little disturbance! Before you are struck down, say what you wish and I will make sure that your message is heard! If you wish to perish in silence then all the better! Your time ends now!”
                
She lunged forward, wings propelling her at a hurried clip. I’d already halted the spell from my horn, nearly awestruck from the sight. I hadn’t seen the lithe alicorn move with such grace or precision in all my days in Canterlot. She must have been looking forward to this moment since the second I’d left.
                
Then something far more asinine came to mind as she closed the distance between us.
                
Is she smiling? Is she actually smiling right now? And why does her armor nearly gleam in the light of the moon?
                
Oh well. These were to be questions for another life. Any moment now and my head would be sliced from my neck—either that or I’d be impaled by her blade. That would only make it the second time she’d stuck something sharp in me.
                
While in mid-flight Luna screamed a harrowing shout—I’m sure to scare me something fierce. When she finally noted my complete lack of movement or defense, I saw her expression change to one of almost pained disappointment. Slowing the flaps of her wings considerably, she came to a trot a single meter away—her spear the only thing dividing us.
                
Her eyes went wide. “What are you doing? We’re supposed to fight! Why aren’t we fighting?”
                
I told her, “Because I don’t feel like it right this moment.”
                
My answer did little to stifle her. “But before…” she said breathlessly (and was that a trace of bitterness in her voice?). “Before you said you wanted a fight! One last one to settle everything. I thought that’s the first thing you’d be longing for.”
                
I sighed. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t feel much like doing anything tonight. I’m tired. I’m confused. And I’ve made a mess of things with more than a few ponies around here. So if you’ll excuse me, maybe I’ll go sleep in that alley there and think about what exactly I’ll do next.”
                
Hesitantly, Luna lowered her spear. Then she quickly glanced at her immaculate armor. “I dug this out of storage and everything! I even polished it! I was… kind of looking forward to this encounter.”
                
Now I was annoyed. “So you were looking forward to killing me? I thought the populace was supposed to fear the likes of me, not bored alicorns.”
                
She took a step back. “Only if you made me, Sombra. All that before… when I was charging here… that was talk. You know how our fights used to go. It was all official and everything. Big speeches and climatic clashes. I was hoping to have another one of those tonight. After the way you tried to convince me before…”
                
Now I was tired and annoyed. “Well it isn’t happening, Princess! Sorry to disappoint you by not being the simpleminded and one-note fool as you’d like me to be, but I’m not all that sure what I want to do with my life right now. So if I decide to blow something up because I stub my hoof, then I’ll let you know. But if you’ve come here with the sole purpose of sparring with me, then you’re regretfully out of luck. You had your chance before, Luna. You should have taken it when it was so graciously offered.”
                
The blue alicorn lowered her head to the ground, her cumbersome helmet wobbling around her horn. Eventually she peered up with a faint smile. “At least my armor still fits.”
                
I was never an expert on emotions, but I knew I’d more than disconcerted the alicorn. Considering she’d wanted to fight until one of our defeats, I shouldn’t have felt as awkward as I was. I tried to soften the blow.
                
I said casually, “I think you look the same as you had a thousand years ago.”
                
She perked up at that. “Really? You mean that?”
                
At the time I didn’t understand why she took my generic remark so warmly. It was basic knowledge that alicorns never aged nor advanced past adulthood. It would be several days until I learned how mares could take a single comment on their appearance and spin it into infinity.
                
“Yes,” I said flatly. “Why would I not?”
                
Her cheeks blushed behind the confines of her helmet as she dug a single hoof into the dirt. I was minutely glad I hadn’t ruined everyone’s night. She shrugged in her armor, most likely finding the outfit a tad out of place given the circumstances. “Are you serious, though? This isn’t all some ruse?”
                
“No. I need time to think things over.”
                
“So…” Luna grimaced for a moment. “What you’re saying is that Celestia’s whole villain reformation act… sort of worked?”
                
“That’s not what I’m saying at all,” I answered sharply. “Only that for the first time in a long, long while, I’m free to do as I please. I have nothing to govern and am no longer stuck behind that monotonous desk in Canterlot. Maybe a vacation is in order?”
                
Luna didn’t know how to process that. “Was that an attempt at comedy?”
                
“Perhaps.”
                
She shook her head. “What has Celestia done to—”
                
Exhausted beyond belief that evening, I menacingly roared and slashed over her head downwards with a red and black bolt of solid flames. I did so slowly and with great warning, to give ample time for Luna to raise her spear and block. When the two pieces of magical energy clashed together, the noise nearly reverberated clear across town.
                
Luna stared at her vibrating weapon with plain stars in her eyes. “Huzzah! I like it! Again!”
                
Sighing bitterly, I left the alicorn alone.